Ultimate Spider-Man (2011) s04e12 Episode Script
Agent Web
I bet you always wondered what teenage superheroes actually do when we're not out saving the world.
Well, see for yourself.
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[CHITTERING.]
Yoga, no problem.
[GRUNTS.]
What this day needs is some fun in the sun.
Who's up for volleyball? Ha! Yeah! All right, let's do this! [GRUNTS.]
Yah! [GRUNTS.]
So what's your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man doing while everybody else is taking a fun day? He's buried in Nick Fury's paperwork canyon.
Fury's currently gone missing, and probably not to golf in Hawaii.
So someone has to take his place, because with great responsibility, comes giant piles of waste recovery authorization forms? Really? Huh? Sorry! Come on out, Spider-Man.
It's a beautiful day.
No.
Work, Spidey, work.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Alert.
Incoming hypersonic projectile.
[ALARM SOUNDING.]
Impact imminent.
Huh? MAN: What? [ALL SCREAMING.]
Everybody back up.
We have no idea what that thing is.
No, I think we do.
Nova? [WEAKLY.]
Use the keys to rescue Fury.
You're the only one who can, Spidey.
[GROANS.]
Rescue Fury? 4x12 - "Agent Web" Yeah, I have no idea what I'm looking at here.
I'm actually amazed you haven't tried to play the flute yet.
Don't think I haven't thought about it.
I'm a pretty good amateur flutist.
Nova should be back on his feet soon.
He risked his life trying to bring you those items.
They're supposed to be keys to rescue Nick Fury.
SPIDER-MAN: A measuring tape, a flute, a perfume spray bottle? How could this stuff be keys to anything? [SQUIRTING.]
Whoa! I hope that's not Fury's cologne.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Fury's out there in trouble somewhere, and all we have to find him with is junk in this stupid Wait, this is an inscription.
I think it's Inhuman.
I hadn't considered extraterrestrial origin.
Not alien, Doc.
Inhuman.
As in the Inhumans.
A whole race of super people, hiding alongside humanity for thousands of years.
They're powerful, and super prickly.
Triton! Hey! Anybody seen Triton? Our resident Inhuman? And you're certain you never tried to play the flute? For the last time, I did not play the stupid flute! But I am thinking about it.
[SIGHS.]
I believe that would make a dreadful sound.
[SCOFFS.]
Why does everyone doubt my flute skills? Look, I'm not here to goof off.
This is the new Spidey.
More mature, and trying to run the whole Triskelion while Fury Never mind.
Just can you read it or not? [MURMURING.]
A very old dialect, but yes.
This box was made in Atarog.
It is an old Inhuman city somewhere in what you call Tibet.
Yes! Awesome! That's gotta be where Fury is.
Come on! And where are you going? We.
We're going to Art Hog.
Uh, no.
It's Atarog, and no.
We can't.
What do you mean, "No, we can't"? It is forbidden for humans to enter Inhuman cities.
It's also forbidden for Inhumans to return to Atarog.
It is a sacred place.
Look, that's where Fury is, so that's where I'm going.
He wouldn't leave any of us behind and I'm not leaving him.
So I can't take a team.
I'll go alone.
[SIGHS.]
I already regret this.
You sure you got the directions right? I'm not seeing a city.
Not even walls or Inhuman graffiti.
Try to relax, Spider-Man.
Perhaps you can tell one of your jokes.
Jokes? Hello, rescue mission.
I can't think of anything more serious than rescuing Nick Fury from, well, anything.
Huh.
That is disappointing.
I've always enjoyed your humor.
Inhumans are not jovial as a rule.
You always seem to find a way to have fun.
Fun isn't gonna bring Fury home.
Triton? All Inhuman cities are hidden even the abandoned ones.
Come on.
This looks gooey.
Ew! Weird! Hmm.
This is making me uncomfortable.
TRITON: I feel as if we're being watched.
Yeah, let's just find Fury and get out of here.
This place is a ghost town.
Dusty, smelly, empty ghost town.
If Director Fury is not here, we should go.
It would be bad if the Royal Family discovered us.
I was so sure he'd be here.
What am I gonna tell everybody when we come back empty What's that? This is the S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
shield! Someone made this.
Fury was here.
- Whoa! - No, wait! You don't understand.
We must be careful.
This whole city is full of booby traps.
Spider-sense is pretty good at helping me with traps, Triton.
Human booby traps, maybe.
The builders used the vapors of Valtor to create some truly unique Oh, no! [WHOOSHING.]
SPIDER-MAN: The floor.
It's turning to mist? [BOTH SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
I told you.
The vapors of Valtor.
Right.
We'll just find another path to Fury.
Ha! Whoa! Watch out for the crossbeams! [GRUNTING.]
How have you not made a pancake joke yet? Because I'm Serious Spidey now.
[GRUNTING.]
Jokes are behind me.
Can these things be shut down? [GRUNTS.]
There! Those markings say "deactivation.
" Yes, they're here, but - Your hand is too large to fit.
- I know that! I just need something thin enough to Wait.
[LOUD CLUNKING.]
SPIDER-MAN: Yes! Hey, what do you know? Buckethead was right.
This really was a key.
Triton, that's gotta be Fury! [ROARING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Oh! Oh, what are these things now? Guardian vines.
They're supposed to be a legend.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
Yeah? Well, this legend is about to bite my face off! [GRUNTS.]
Uhh! SPIDER-MAN: Watch out! [ROARING.]
Ugh! I do not even enjoy salad.
Okay, so I'm not as good at quips as you, but apparently you quit.
There's more to me than just quips.
This is serious.
How do we stop these things? [ROARING.]
Perhaps one of the keys? Hah! [SQUIRTING.]
[LOUD THUD.]
Wow.
That perfume bottle was the key to getting us out of this.
SPIDER-MAN: Okay, Fury, let's get you out.
[GRUNTS.]
Whoa! Who are you, lady? And what did you do with Nick Fury? They call me Web.
Madame Web.
Thank you for rescuing me.
The Guardian Vines are formidable.
And yes, I'll take you to Nick.
After we defeat the Mechano.
The Mechano? That is only a bedtime story Inhumans tell children to make them behave.
It's not real.
It's real, all right.
And it will likely be arriving any second.
Is no one gonna tell me what a Mechano is? Ever hear the Greek myth about the Minotaur in the labyrinth? Big wrestler-type guy with the head of a cow? [MOOING SOUND.]
- That's Mechano? - Of course not.
Mechano's worse.
[ROARING.]
[SPIDER-MAN GRUNTING.]
Uh, Web lady? How do I know this isn't another trap and you're really the one who kidnapped Fury? - I'll explain everything after you duck.
- Hey! [SCREAMS.]
How did she know? [CLANKING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Prince Triton, get off its back right now! [GRUNTS.]
Triton would have been pulped.
Mind blown.
You can see the future.
Not exactly.
[GASPS.]
[SPIDER-MAN GRUNTS.]
Triton, does this thing have an off switch too? No luck.
Mechano is robotic, but functions like a trained animal.
There must be something here that will soothe its anger.
[GRUNTS.]
There's a high probability you'll figure this out on your own.
But just in case, use the keys I sent.
Wait.
You sent the box, not Fury? - Less talk, more flute.
- Oh, finally! Prepare to be impressed.
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[PLAYS FLUTE BADLY.]
[GROANS.]
Agon's genes! Stop it! This is a mistake.
- It's horrible! - No, no.
It's working.
[FLUTE PLAYING CONTINUES.]
My fluting's horrible, Triton? I know one Mechano who'd beg to differ.
Okay, lady, who are you, where's Fury, what's going on here? In 80 seconds, this room will most likely be full of insectoloids.
So let's move! Insectoloids? No! Do I even want to know what an insecto-whatsit is? Probably not.
SPIDER-MAN: I thought you said you couldn't see the future.
Not the future.
Wait, stop.
[LOUD WHIRRING.]
I see all possible futures, all the probabilities.
This is very bad.
The more of these defenses we activate, the more likely the Royal Family will be alerted to our presence.
We're not leaving without Fury.
- And I want that explanation, now.
- [SIGHS.]
Okay.
Nick discovered my powers when I first joined S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
And since then, I've been his secret asset.
But then Hydra found out about me, and Wait.
Are you saying Zola didn't attack the Triskelion - just to take over the world? - He wanted me.
So Nova and Nick had to get me out.
They've been protecting me from Hydra ever since.
I'm gonna need some proof before I can just take your word for it.
You could be a Hydra plant.
There was an 83% chance you'd demand proof.
- It's 100% now.
- Very well.
This is the Web of Reality.
TRITON: By the Mists MADAME WEB: Every reality, every possible future, I see them all, judging which is most likely to come to pass.
Is that Doc Ock as a good guy? Doubt that's a high probability.
Okay, I think I believe you.
This is how I knew which keys to put in the box.
So where's Fury? We need to get him out now.
There's a 98% probability that door will explode if opened.
SPIDER-MAN: I'll take that bet.
[GRUNTS.]
[EXPLOSION.]
Between you knowing the future, and Triton reading the Inhuman graffiti, rescuing Nick'll be cake.
There's nothing easy about my predictions.
It's always possible I've missed something.
Remember that when you deal with Crossbones.
Crossbones? Who said anything about Cross [EXPLOSION.]
[BOTH SCREAM.]
Get behind me! Fury! Are you okay? Do I look okay, Spider-Man? I'll make this simple.
Hand over Madame Web, or Nick Fury never sees the sun again.
Okay, this is a good news, bad news thing.
Good news, we finally found Fury.
But Crossbones, a mercenary working for Hydra, is all bad news.
Tick-tock, kids.
This offer to trade Fury for Madame Web only lasts till I get bored.
Any chance there's a third option? Yes, no? Maybe? Okay, guess not.
CROSSBONES: Time's up, kid.
What's it gonna be? Fury or Web? Is "all of the above" an option? Catch me if you can! [GRUNTING.]
Yah! Solid strategy, Spider-Man, getting Hydra to blast me free.
Yeah, sure, that was totally my plan.
- Now let's get you out of here.
- Forget me.
Save Madame Web.
But you always said never leave a man behind.
After I told you to always follow my orders.
Go.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
All this fighting is sure to bring my family here.
Stop.
Huh? [RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.]
- Oh! We're boxed in.
- Wait for it.
Wait for it.
[GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
They doubled back somehow.
Come on! Thank you for saving us.
Now we must go.
We're not leaving without Fury.
As soon as Madame Web tells us what's coming next, we get Nick and vamoose! - Madame Web? - I don't know.
It's all in flux.
- Too many possibilities.
- Keep it together.
I just need to know what the odds are if we try to get you and Fury out of here.
- Right now, about 50-50.
- Good enough.
So I'm gonna follow your directions like Fury does.
I don't tell Nick what to do.
I just give the odds.
He makes the choices.
- Well, he's not here.
- But you are.
You want my advice? You'll solve this if you use the last key.
Wait.
Is this one of those things where I'm supposed to realize I'm the last key, and I just have to be myself to win? I don't know.
Is it? Uh, may I remind you, if Hydra doesn't find us there is still the matter of Atarog's traps.
We must do as Director Fury said, and get Madame Web to safety.
Yeah, that's the safe and responsible plan.
But if Madame Web's right, think we're gonna try the Spidey plan instead.
Oh.
Looks like your unlucky day, Fury.
Your kids ran out on you.
They're smart agents who follow orders.
By now, those kids and Madame Web are halfway across the China Sea.
SPIDER-MAN: Oh, losers! - Huh? - Or, right at the end of the hall.
I can't believe you looked.
Hey, bonehead.
Where'd you get your costume? A Halloween discount store? [GROANS.]
Let's play tag.
You're it! Hah! Now that is the Spider-Man I know.
Ha! HYDRA SOLDIER: Okay, fish guy, you're cornered! Many of our security measures are activated by voice command.
For instance [SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE.]
Rough translation, "The Deluge.
" [ALL SCREAMING.]
[ALL GROANING.]
[SIGHS.]
I'm going to be in such trouble when Black Bolt finds out about this.
Thought you S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
jerks were supposed to be smart.
This has got to be the dumbest spot to hide in the whole place.
Actually, there's a 99% chance I won't be seen where I am.
Your math's off, sweets, 'cause I'm looking right at you.
Who said I was hiding from you? [WHIRRING.]
Wha [GUNFIRE.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
HYDRA SOLDIER: Go, go! CROSSBONES: Squad Alpha, check in.
[STATIC.]
Squad Beta, check in! - [STATIC.]
Oh, blast! - Having a bad day? Nope.
We still got you.
Leverage.
They won't leave you behind.
[SPIDER-MAN WHISTLES.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Don't count your Furies before they hatch, boneface.
- Please tell me you have a plan.
- I don't not have a plan.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
You're not winning this, kid.
I've gone toe-to-toe with Captain America.
I know Cap.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
I fought with Cap.
Dude, you are no Captain America.
Yah! Maybe.
But I got something he doesn't.
[BEEPS.]
[EXPLOSIONS.]
Private army.
Round two, kid.
Ahh! [GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GUNFIRE.]
- Future lady, how am I doing? - Still 50-50.
SPIDER-MAN: Hyah! Hey, Fury, what was that about your guys being so smart? [LAUGHS.]
Ever hit anything you aim at, kid? Yeah, pretty much always.
[GRUNTS.]
And a one, and a two, and a [DISCORDANT NOTES.]
[ALL GROANING.]
Please tell me this isn't the plan.
The best part? Totally self-taught.
[ALL EXCLAIMING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[GASPS.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
You okay, kid? I almost messed this whole thing up.
I did my best to be responsible, cautious, a real leader.
Nothing was working.
Until you started acting like the Ultimate Spider-Man, because that's what you are.
I can't think of better hands to leave S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
in.
Wait, you're not coming back? No.
Madame Web and I got what we came here for, but Hydra's still hunting for her.
You'll see me when she's safe.
There's also a 99% chance you'll get another ride home.
Wait, what? Another ride? That's my jet.
[ENGINE STARTING.]
They're just leaving us here? Let's try to look at the bright side, buddy.
We got out of this without getting noticed by any of the other Inhumans.
No harm, no foul.
[BIRD SHRIEKS.]
They're right behind me, aren't they? [SIGHS.]
My king, I'm sorry I brought the human, but I can explain No, no, no.
This was all me, Your Highness.
Triton tried to talk me out of coming here, but I pressured him.
Don't banish him to the Inhuman prison.
I'm the one who's responsible.
We are not here to punish, Spider-Man.
We simply came to take you home.
- Wait, what? - You both protected our city.
We are grateful.
[BARKS.]
Welcome back, Webs! Prepare to taste volleyball defeat.
So, you guys like beach parties? I will beach party with you, Spider-Man.
But, do you not have paperwork to finish? Who do you think I am? Nick Fury? Gyah!
Well, see for yourself.
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[CHITTERING.]
Yoga, no problem.
[GRUNTS.]
What this day needs is some fun in the sun.
Who's up for volleyball? Ha! Yeah! All right, let's do this! [GRUNTS.]
Yah! [GRUNTS.]
So what's your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man doing while everybody else is taking a fun day? He's buried in Nick Fury's paperwork canyon.
Fury's currently gone missing, and probably not to golf in Hawaii.
So someone has to take his place, because with great responsibility, comes giant piles of waste recovery authorization forms? Really? Huh? Sorry! Come on out, Spider-Man.
It's a beautiful day.
No.
Work, Spidey, work.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Alert.
Incoming hypersonic projectile.
[ALARM SOUNDING.]
Impact imminent.
Huh? MAN: What? [ALL SCREAMING.]
Everybody back up.
We have no idea what that thing is.
No, I think we do.
Nova? [WEAKLY.]
Use the keys to rescue Fury.
You're the only one who can, Spidey.
[GROANS.]
Rescue Fury? 4x12 - "Agent Web" Yeah, I have no idea what I'm looking at here.
I'm actually amazed you haven't tried to play the flute yet.
Don't think I haven't thought about it.
I'm a pretty good amateur flutist.
Nova should be back on his feet soon.
He risked his life trying to bring you those items.
They're supposed to be keys to rescue Nick Fury.
SPIDER-MAN: A measuring tape, a flute, a perfume spray bottle? How could this stuff be keys to anything? [SQUIRTING.]
Whoa! I hope that's not Fury's cologne.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Fury's out there in trouble somewhere, and all we have to find him with is junk in this stupid Wait, this is an inscription.
I think it's Inhuman.
I hadn't considered extraterrestrial origin.
Not alien, Doc.
Inhuman.
As in the Inhumans.
A whole race of super people, hiding alongside humanity for thousands of years.
They're powerful, and super prickly.
Triton! Hey! Anybody seen Triton? Our resident Inhuman? And you're certain you never tried to play the flute? For the last time, I did not play the stupid flute! But I am thinking about it.
[SIGHS.]
I believe that would make a dreadful sound.
[SCOFFS.]
Why does everyone doubt my flute skills? Look, I'm not here to goof off.
This is the new Spidey.
More mature, and trying to run the whole Triskelion while Fury Never mind.
Just can you read it or not? [MURMURING.]
A very old dialect, but yes.
This box was made in Atarog.
It is an old Inhuman city somewhere in what you call Tibet.
Yes! Awesome! That's gotta be where Fury is.
Come on! And where are you going? We.
We're going to Art Hog.
Uh, no.
It's Atarog, and no.
We can't.
What do you mean, "No, we can't"? It is forbidden for humans to enter Inhuman cities.
It's also forbidden for Inhumans to return to Atarog.
It is a sacred place.
Look, that's where Fury is, so that's where I'm going.
He wouldn't leave any of us behind and I'm not leaving him.
So I can't take a team.
I'll go alone.
[SIGHS.]
I already regret this.
You sure you got the directions right? I'm not seeing a city.
Not even walls or Inhuman graffiti.
Try to relax, Spider-Man.
Perhaps you can tell one of your jokes.
Jokes? Hello, rescue mission.
I can't think of anything more serious than rescuing Nick Fury from, well, anything.
Huh.
That is disappointing.
I've always enjoyed your humor.
Inhumans are not jovial as a rule.
You always seem to find a way to have fun.
Fun isn't gonna bring Fury home.
Triton? All Inhuman cities are hidden even the abandoned ones.
Come on.
This looks gooey.
Ew! Weird! Hmm.
This is making me uncomfortable.
TRITON: I feel as if we're being watched.
Yeah, let's just find Fury and get out of here.
This place is a ghost town.
Dusty, smelly, empty ghost town.
If Director Fury is not here, we should go.
It would be bad if the Royal Family discovered us.
I was so sure he'd be here.
What am I gonna tell everybody when we come back empty What's that? This is the S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
shield! Someone made this.
Fury was here.
- Whoa! - No, wait! You don't understand.
We must be careful.
This whole city is full of booby traps.
Spider-sense is pretty good at helping me with traps, Triton.
Human booby traps, maybe.
The builders used the vapors of Valtor to create some truly unique Oh, no! [WHOOSHING.]
SPIDER-MAN: The floor.
It's turning to mist? [BOTH SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
I told you.
The vapors of Valtor.
Right.
We'll just find another path to Fury.
Ha! Whoa! Watch out for the crossbeams! [GRUNTING.]
How have you not made a pancake joke yet? Because I'm Serious Spidey now.
[GRUNTING.]
Jokes are behind me.
Can these things be shut down? [GRUNTS.]
There! Those markings say "deactivation.
" Yes, they're here, but - Your hand is too large to fit.
- I know that! I just need something thin enough to Wait.
[LOUD CLUNKING.]
SPIDER-MAN: Yes! Hey, what do you know? Buckethead was right.
This really was a key.
Triton, that's gotta be Fury! [ROARING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Oh! Oh, what are these things now? Guardian vines.
They're supposed to be a legend.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
Yeah? Well, this legend is about to bite my face off! [GRUNTS.]
Uhh! SPIDER-MAN: Watch out! [ROARING.]
Ugh! I do not even enjoy salad.
Okay, so I'm not as good at quips as you, but apparently you quit.
There's more to me than just quips.
This is serious.
How do we stop these things? [ROARING.]
Perhaps one of the keys? Hah! [SQUIRTING.]
[LOUD THUD.]
Wow.
That perfume bottle was the key to getting us out of this.
SPIDER-MAN: Okay, Fury, let's get you out.
[GRUNTS.]
Whoa! Who are you, lady? And what did you do with Nick Fury? They call me Web.
Madame Web.
Thank you for rescuing me.
The Guardian Vines are formidable.
And yes, I'll take you to Nick.
After we defeat the Mechano.
The Mechano? That is only a bedtime story Inhumans tell children to make them behave.
It's not real.
It's real, all right.
And it will likely be arriving any second.
Is no one gonna tell me what a Mechano is? Ever hear the Greek myth about the Minotaur in the labyrinth? Big wrestler-type guy with the head of a cow? [MOOING SOUND.]
- That's Mechano? - Of course not.
Mechano's worse.
[ROARING.]
[SPIDER-MAN GRUNTING.]
Uh, Web lady? How do I know this isn't another trap and you're really the one who kidnapped Fury? - I'll explain everything after you duck.
- Hey! [SCREAMS.]
How did she know? [CLANKING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Prince Triton, get off its back right now! [GRUNTS.]
Triton would have been pulped.
Mind blown.
You can see the future.
Not exactly.
[GASPS.]
[SPIDER-MAN GRUNTS.]
Triton, does this thing have an off switch too? No luck.
Mechano is robotic, but functions like a trained animal.
There must be something here that will soothe its anger.
[GRUNTS.]
There's a high probability you'll figure this out on your own.
But just in case, use the keys I sent.
Wait.
You sent the box, not Fury? - Less talk, more flute.
- Oh, finally! Prepare to be impressed.
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[PLAYS FLUTE BADLY.]
[GROANS.]
Agon's genes! Stop it! This is a mistake.
- It's horrible! - No, no.
It's working.
[FLUTE PLAYING CONTINUES.]
My fluting's horrible, Triton? I know one Mechano who'd beg to differ.
Okay, lady, who are you, where's Fury, what's going on here? In 80 seconds, this room will most likely be full of insectoloids.
So let's move! Insectoloids? No! Do I even want to know what an insecto-whatsit is? Probably not.
SPIDER-MAN: I thought you said you couldn't see the future.
Not the future.
Wait, stop.
[LOUD WHIRRING.]
I see all possible futures, all the probabilities.
This is very bad.
The more of these defenses we activate, the more likely the Royal Family will be alerted to our presence.
We're not leaving without Fury.
- And I want that explanation, now.
- [SIGHS.]
Okay.
Nick discovered my powers when I first joined S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
And since then, I've been his secret asset.
But then Hydra found out about me, and Wait.
Are you saying Zola didn't attack the Triskelion - just to take over the world? - He wanted me.
So Nova and Nick had to get me out.
They've been protecting me from Hydra ever since.
I'm gonna need some proof before I can just take your word for it.
You could be a Hydra plant.
There was an 83% chance you'd demand proof.
- It's 100% now.
- Very well.
This is the Web of Reality.
TRITON: By the Mists MADAME WEB: Every reality, every possible future, I see them all, judging which is most likely to come to pass.
Is that Doc Ock as a good guy? Doubt that's a high probability.
Okay, I think I believe you.
This is how I knew which keys to put in the box.
So where's Fury? We need to get him out now.
There's a 98% probability that door will explode if opened.
SPIDER-MAN: I'll take that bet.
[GRUNTS.]
[EXPLOSION.]
Between you knowing the future, and Triton reading the Inhuman graffiti, rescuing Nick'll be cake.
There's nothing easy about my predictions.
It's always possible I've missed something.
Remember that when you deal with Crossbones.
Crossbones? Who said anything about Cross [EXPLOSION.]
[BOTH SCREAM.]
Get behind me! Fury! Are you okay? Do I look okay, Spider-Man? I'll make this simple.
Hand over Madame Web, or Nick Fury never sees the sun again.
Okay, this is a good news, bad news thing.
Good news, we finally found Fury.
But Crossbones, a mercenary working for Hydra, is all bad news.
Tick-tock, kids.
This offer to trade Fury for Madame Web only lasts till I get bored.
Any chance there's a third option? Yes, no? Maybe? Okay, guess not.
CROSSBONES: Time's up, kid.
What's it gonna be? Fury or Web? Is "all of the above" an option? Catch me if you can! [GRUNTING.]
Yah! Solid strategy, Spider-Man, getting Hydra to blast me free.
Yeah, sure, that was totally my plan.
- Now let's get you out of here.
- Forget me.
Save Madame Web.
But you always said never leave a man behind.
After I told you to always follow my orders.
Go.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
All this fighting is sure to bring my family here.
Stop.
Huh? [RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.]
- Oh! We're boxed in.
- Wait for it.
Wait for it.
[GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
They doubled back somehow.
Come on! Thank you for saving us.
Now we must go.
We're not leaving without Fury.
As soon as Madame Web tells us what's coming next, we get Nick and vamoose! - Madame Web? - I don't know.
It's all in flux.
- Too many possibilities.
- Keep it together.
I just need to know what the odds are if we try to get you and Fury out of here.
- Right now, about 50-50.
- Good enough.
So I'm gonna follow your directions like Fury does.
I don't tell Nick what to do.
I just give the odds.
He makes the choices.
- Well, he's not here.
- But you are.
You want my advice? You'll solve this if you use the last key.
Wait.
Is this one of those things where I'm supposed to realize I'm the last key, and I just have to be myself to win? I don't know.
Is it? Uh, may I remind you, if Hydra doesn't find us there is still the matter of Atarog's traps.
We must do as Director Fury said, and get Madame Web to safety.
Yeah, that's the safe and responsible plan.
But if Madame Web's right, think we're gonna try the Spidey plan instead.
Oh.
Looks like your unlucky day, Fury.
Your kids ran out on you.
They're smart agents who follow orders.
By now, those kids and Madame Web are halfway across the China Sea.
SPIDER-MAN: Oh, losers! - Huh? - Or, right at the end of the hall.
I can't believe you looked.
Hey, bonehead.
Where'd you get your costume? A Halloween discount store? [GROANS.]
Let's play tag.
You're it! Hah! Now that is the Spider-Man I know.
Ha! HYDRA SOLDIER: Okay, fish guy, you're cornered! Many of our security measures are activated by voice command.
For instance [SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE.]
Rough translation, "The Deluge.
" [ALL SCREAMING.]
[ALL GROANING.]
[SIGHS.]
I'm going to be in such trouble when Black Bolt finds out about this.
Thought you S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
jerks were supposed to be smart.
This has got to be the dumbest spot to hide in the whole place.
Actually, there's a 99% chance I won't be seen where I am.
Your math's off, sweets, 'cause I'm looking right at you.
Who said I was hiding from you? [WHIRRING.]
Wha [GUNFIRE.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
HYDRA SOLDIER: Go, go! CROSSBONES: Squad Alpha, check in.
[STATIC.]
Squad Beta, check in! - [STATIC.]
Oh, blast! - Having a bad day? Nope.
We still got you.
Leverage.
They won't leave you behind.
[SPIDER-MAN WHISTLES.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Don't count your Furies before they hatch, boneface.
- Please tell me you have a plan.
- I don't not have a plan.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
You're not winning this, kid.
I've gone toe-to-toe with Captain America.
I know Cap.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
I fought with Cap.
Dude, you are no Captain America.
Yah! Maybe.
But I got something he doesn't.
[BEEPS.]
[EXPLOSIONS.]
Private army.
Round two, kid.
Ahh! [GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GUNFIRE.]
- Future lady, how am I doing? - Still 50-50.
SPIDER-MAN: Hyah! Hey, Fury, what was that about your guys being so smart? [LAUGHS.]
Ever hit anything you aim at, kid? Yeah, pretty much always.
[GRUNTS.]
And a one, and a two, and a [DISCORDANT NOTES.]
[ALL GROANING.]
Please tell me this isn't the plan.
The best part? Totally self-taught.
[ALL EXCLAIMING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[GASPS.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
You okay, kid? I almost messed this whole thing up.
I did my best to be responsible, cautious, a real leader.
Nothing was working.
Until you started acting like the Ultimate Spider-Man, because that's what you are.
I can't think of better hands to leave S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
in.
Wait, you're not coming back? No.
Madame Web and I got what we came here for, but Hydra's still hunting for her.
You'll see me when she's safe.
There's also a 99% chance you'll get another ride home.
Wait, what? Another ride? That's my jet.
[ENGINE STARTING.]
They're just leaving us here? Let's try to look at the bright side, buddy.
We got out of this without getting noticed by any of the other Inhumans.
No harm, no foul.
[BIRD SHRIEKS.]
They're right behind me, aren't they? [SIGHS.]
My king, I'm sorry I brought the human, but I can explain No, no, no.
This was all me, Your Highness.
Triton tried to talk me out of coming here, but I pressured him.
Don't banish him to the Inhuman prison.
I'm the one who's responsible.
We are not here to punish, Spider-Man.
We simply came to take you home.
- Wait, what? - You both protected our city.
We are grateful.
[BARKS.]
Welcome back, Webs! Prepare to taste volleyball defeat.
So, you guys like beach parties? I will beach party with you, Spider-Man.
But, do you not have paperwork to finish? Who do you think I am? Nick Fury? Gyah!