Younger (2015) s04e12 Episode Script
Irish Goodbye
1 [CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
Caitlin? No, it's Josh.
Hi.
Josh? - Uh, what's wrong? - Nothing's wrong.
Uh, I'm in Ireland, actually, with, uh with Clare.
Hi, Liza! Uh, hi, Clare.
Ireland.
Wow.
Yeah, I got here yesterday.
I kind of missed her, you know? Wasn't ready to let her go.
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.
But I can't stay here forever, so I figured the only way we could keep dating is if I marry her.
What? You're gonna marry Clare? Yeah.
It's the only way to know what we've got, you know? Plus, she'll get a Green Card so she can keep working back in New York Josh, are you sure? [STAMMERING.]
A Green Card marriage is still a marriage.
I know what I'm doing, all right? You're responsible for all of this, so it would mean a lot to me to both of us, really if you were here.
Here? You mean there? In Ireland? I kind of need you, Liza.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Maggie.
Maggie, wake up.
What? What, is is there a fire? Sort of.
Pack your bags.
We're going to Ireland.
What? [ROCK MUSIC.]
Josh is going to marry Clare? This weekend.
Green Card.
I mean, at least we know she's not pregnant.
They've only been dating, like, three weeks.
That's you, always looking on the bright side.
Morning, Liza.
Peters.
Ugh, I wish I could see the bright side in that.
I'll be back on Monday.
So sorry for the late notice.
But everything is in order on "Marriage Vacation.
" So you're taking one.
Interesting.
Not exactly.
Uh, Josh asked me to Oh, my God, the boy chasing.
Will you never learn? Take it from a newly single woman.
Men are nothing but a distract Morning, Diana.
I just want to say how excited I am to be working with you.
And congrats again on the Pubbie.
Marketing is really my passion.
Oh, mine too.
That's where I got started.
You can't believe the number of duds that I've gotten on the best-seller list with a good campaign.
Yes! I know exactly what you're talking about.
We are the unsung heroes! [LAUGHS.]
Don't you have a plane to catch? [TRADITIONAL IRISH MUSIC.]
[TRADITIONAL IRISH MUSIC.]
- Hey! - Hi! You made it! Hey! Google Maps said an hour, but the sheep in front of us said three, so Yeah, that's Ireland for you.
- Hi.
- Hey! Maggie, Liza, this is my mum, Noreen.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- Ah, you're so welcome.
- Oh, hi.
Mum, will you take a picture? - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, sure.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Say, "Tinahely.
" ALL: Tinahely! - [LAUGHTER.]
- Golly.
Clare, let's book an actual photographer for the wedding.
Oh, and we need to get the caterer's quote down and find a band.
God, so much to do before we get these two lovebirds in front of Father Flannery.
You guys are going to a lot of effort for this.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, why wouldn't we? Because it's just for a Green Green yeah, a green a green wedding.
In America, everyone likes to be "green.
" Not wasteful, eco-friendly sort of thing.
- Right.
- Oh.
Well, in Ireland, we like to have fun.
And follow tradition.
I best be off.
I'll leave it to Clare to give you the tour.
- Bye.
- See you later.
- Bye, Mum.
- Bye.
Yes, this is still a Green Card wedding, but no one here knows about that.
- What? How? - You're kidding.
As soon as Mum found out, she went into mother-of-the-bride overdrive.
Well, wouldn't it be easier just to be honest with her? I'll shut up.
I know we should have been, but it's too late now.
So it's gonna be a traditional country wedding with all the trimmings.
Josh, anything I can do to help? I mean, could go suit shopping with you or Uh, no.
I think we got it.
Come on, Mags, let's get you checked in.
Oh, okay.
Awesome.
Do you want to head up to Dublin with me? Dublin? Yeah, I'd I'd love to! I've got to pick up my dress.
[GIGGLES.]
Wonderful.
Okay.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Charles, Zane has some fascinating ideas for "Marriage Vacation.
" "Marriage Vacation" is not his book.
It's my book and Liza's.
Is Liza joining us? Ah.
I meant to tell you, she is Chasing Josh around Ireland.
- Really? - I know.
Leave without pay, obviously.
She's working remotely.
She put this marketing deck together.
Thanks for the segue, Peters.
No, I wasn't finished.
I "Good Morning America" is interested in promoting the book.
Their producer, Cece Jones Charles, Cece is my contact.
I met her at The Nest a few weeks ago Cece and I are old friends.
She can give us two segments, with hero shots of the book cover in and out of commercial breaks.
And she wants to include the real-life "Marriage Vacation," with you, Charles, onstage with Pauline.
Her return.
Your reconciliation Absolutely not.
But I thought you two were back together.
We're selling a book, Zane, not exploiting Charles' family for sales.
Kelsey's right.
This is a little close to home for me.
Of course.
But I thought the angle that Empirical was taking Millennial.
Millennial was taking was that the book is about two people finding their way back to each other.
Wow.
Way off.
Charles, having Pauline and you on "GMA" would help sell the narrative.
I don't think so.
Maybe we could let them get a shot of you by the side of stage, just a nod and wave.
I'll think about it.
We'll see.
Regardless, I'll lock it in with Cece.
Peters, shall we? Already dialing.
So you and Pauline are back together? Uh, well, I wouldn't I wouldn't say that exactly.
Uh, but she did move back in.
Uh, the guest room.
You know, for the girls.
Typical.
Richard and I have recently parted ways.
Hmm.
We're like ships in the night.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
Say, "Oscar Wilde.
" - Oscar Wilde! Yay! - [LAUGHS.]
Oh, so many photos.
My face hurts.
Oh, I know.
It's for the wedding book.
The photo album? Uh, no, it's it's the book of evidence we need to apply for my Green Card.
We need photos, receipts, ticket stubs.
Ugh, that sounds like a lot of work.
Yeah, and then immigration will interrogate us about the validity of our marriage our friends too.
That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.
If they ask you any questions Me? Yeah, I mean, you and Josh are so close.
So if if they ask you, can you tell them that we got married because we love each other? But are you in love with Josh? Well, I-I love that he's willing to do this so I can follow my dreams in the States.
He's amazing, right? Yeah, he is.
I can say, um I can say whatever you need me to say.
Thanks.
And if they ask you how long we've been together, could you say six months instead of one? Six is just more Yeah, it is.
Six times more.
I know it's a lie, but it's a tiny white lie, like the one you had to tell to, you know, get your job.
You know about that? Yeah, of course.
Josh and I are getting married.
We don't keep secrets from each other.
Including this? Josh knows you're asking me to do this? Knows? Liza, it was his idea.
That's why he wants you here, to bolster our story.
- Really? - Yeah.
From what he's told me, you kind of owe him this, right? Him or you? Us.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[UPBEAT IRISH MUSIC.]
Josh only invited me here so I would lie for him.
There goes my peaceful nature walk.
Why did I ever leave Brooklyn? I always regret it.
Sorry, it's just, it's so insane! I'm not gonna lie to Homeland Security.
It's a felony.
That doesn't sound like Josh.
He hates lying, and he hates liars.
I mean, what the hell is really bugging you, girl? I just wish he'd asked me himself.
Something just doesn't feel right about this.
Oh, don't make trouble.
You're not here to "My Best Friend's Wedding" this wedding.
I'm not, and I won't.
It's just, he's barely said two words to me since I got here.
I just feel like this whole marriage is a reaction to everything that's happened between us.
Wait, Liza! And he doesn't understand I'm back here! Oh, no! Oh, my God! I'm sinking! Oh! - I oh, no! - You're in a peat bog! I read about that in the in-flight magazine! It can swallow a horse! Um, I can't Okay, I'm gonna go get help! You stay there! - Hurry! - [YELLING.]
Ugh, it smells like ass.
Ugh! [SHEEP BLEATING.]
[MOTOR THRUMMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
- Ooh! - Oh, God.
[PANTING.]
Oh, thanks again, Noreen.
Lifesaver.
Oh, I could have been a bog body.
Ha.
It happens all the time.
We lost our best calf in that bog last week.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
- Oh, you're soaked through.
Well, my place is just over the hill.
You're welcome to clean up there.
You could probably do with some hot tea.
Or an Irish coffee.
Strongest in the village.
Sold.
You go.
I got to find Josh.
Yeah, good luck.
And watch your step.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[APPLAUSE.]
And welcome back to "Good Morning America.
" We are here with Pauline Turner-Brooks, who has written this incredible book called "Marriage Vacation.
" And not just a book but what seems a thinly veiled version of her very own life, her own marriage.
So, I mean, technically, this is fiction, but how about we call it "faction"? Oh, my God, I love that.
"Faction.
" Can I quote you? So, uh, this is a story about a woman This is quite the coup.
Your ex is a smooth operator.
He is not my ex.
Your F-U buddy, then? It's just F.
And no.
Pauline is a natural.
I think it's going great.
And I think it's not what we agreed on.
I asked for juicy content, Zane.
Juicy.
We're stretching, and we haven't even made it to the first commercial break.
I should have pulled the segment the second the sexy husband refused to go on the air.
Not gonna happen, sorry.
I'm cutting it, then.
Sorry.
Wait.
Okay, look.
He told me no yesterday, but maybe if they ask nicely on the air Did you just give me permission? Mm [QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Zane, what is going on? What did you just say to Cece? Pauline, I've been told your husband is here.
- He is? - Oh, yes.
How supportive, after all the intimate details you revealed about him in this book.
Oh, well, that is a character.
But he's here? Where is he? - Um, he's - Where? Where? Oh, that's him? Come on out.
We'd love to talk to you.
Audience, wouldn't we love to hear from Charles? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Don't be shy.
Come on out.
- Come on! - They want to hear from you.
- Oh, my God.
- [LAUGHTER.]
Welcome.
[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC.]
So tell me about yourself, Maggie.
Well, I'm born in Queens.
I'm an artist.
I'm gay - Oh! - You sound surprised.
I mean, they do have lesbians here in Ireland, right? We call them nuns.
I was reacting to "artist.
" 'Cause I sort of fancy myself as being one too.
Not on your level, now.
Can I show you something? [QUIRKY MUSIC.]
What are we looking at here again? [SIGHS.]
Ever since Clare's father passed away, I keep painting this same landscape.
It's this image that just comes to me in my dreams.
These two rounded hills, and then there's this valley where they meet, and right in the center, there's an opening or a cave.
I can't explain it.
I've never been in there, but I'd love to.
I really would.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
[STAMMERING.]
And what's that pink thing? A boulder, I guess.
Just a round little nubby sort of thing right on top of the cave.
You can touch it if you want.
Actually, no.
It's still wet.
You know ever since I lost my husband, I've thought about being a nun.
No shit.
[LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT IRISH MUSIC.]
Sláinte! Well, there's no turning back now, man.
- Yeah.
- Your goose is cooked! Remember, if you hurt her, we'll kill you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, I got it.
- Josh.
- Oh.
- There you are.
- Hey.
What's up, Liza? Hey.
I feel like you've been avoiding me ever since I got here.
No! No, no, no, no.
This this has been totally wild.
Way more than what I expected.
- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah.
I'm, um I'm starting to feel a little set up here, actually.
Oh.
Oh, you mean 'cause of the whole "six month" thing.
Yeah.
Look, if you don't want to do it, it's totally cool.
I understand.
I mean, I don't I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.
It does make me feel a little uncomfortable, actually.
This is a very official lie.
Homeland Security? So what you're basically saying is, you'll lie for yourself, but you won't lie for me.
Am I lying for you? Or am I lying to get Clare a Green Card? What? This is this isn't for her, Liza.
This is for us.
So we can be together in New York City and see where this leads.
Shit, really? I mean, who do you think Clare is? I don't know, Josh, and I don't think you know either.
[SIGHS.]
If you don't want to be here, just go home.
I can't see clear anymore Throw me a lifeline Ah, ah, ah, ah-ah-ah Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah Ah, ah, ah-ah-ah That is not what we had planned.
I'm so sorry, Charles.
Cece just got out of control, okay? Didn't she, Peters? Why are you asking me? I had nothing to do with that.
Seriously? She's your connection, and this is your book.
Look, I'm not gonna point fingers.
I don't like what's happening here.
Neither do I.
I just helped your book.
Zane, let me catch you up.
I've already had two "New York Times" best sellers and turned an advice book from a dog into a million-dollar franchise.
I don't need your help.
[THUMPING DANCE MUSIC.]
Thank you for being such a good sport, answering all those questions.
They made it sound like we reconciled.
It's not the craziest idea in the world.
Is it? [SOFT MUSIC.]
I think that we are still a work in progress.
Fair enough.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Oh, my God.
From Diana.
The "GMA" page is blowing up.
[LAUGHS.]
Wow.
[LAUGHS.]
I guess it did go well.
[LIVELY IRISH MUSIC PLAYING.]
Hey, we should go.
Josh doesn't want me here.
You just want to slip away and pull an Irish good-bye? It was a bad idea to come.
Besides, everyone here is so drunk, they won't even notice.
A bad idea to support Josh? You keep on saying, "We're friends.
" So prove it.
Be a friend.
Be the best man that he needs you to be.
Liza, Maggie, this is Fiona.
- Hi! - Hi.
- Liza! [SQUEALS.]
- Oh! Hi.
I've only seen you on Clare's Instagram, but I already feel like I know you, you know? Fiona's my oldest friend.
She's also very, very drunk.
Shut up, Clare.
Come.
Let's show these Yanks how to dance.
Uh, let's not.
Please! Ugh, fine.
Not without Liza.
- Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
- Come on.
Okay.
Now point your toes.
And up, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Up, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Liza, keep your arms down.
- It's tradition.
- Okay.
It's because the priests thought if girls moved their upper body, it would "inflame the boys.
" [LAUGHS.]
You can't move your arms without shaking your dirty pillows.
Isn't the whole point of dancing to shake your dirty pillows? [PEOPLE CHEERING.]
That's more like it! Now we're in Ireland! - What's going on? - It's a Riverdance-off.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
And so I want to thank you all for being here.
To my family.
And, uh, to Liza.
She fixed me up with Josh, and Well, how do you thank someone - for the love of your life? - Oh, come on.
I didn't do that much.
Just said he wasn't a jerk, basically.
Now I'd like to make a speech.
I've been in a little Instagram K-hole the last couple of days, and I found out something pretty interesting.
This isn't a love match.
Clare just met Josh, like, last month.
This whole thing is for a Green Card, 'cause Clare hates us and hates Ireland.
- Fiona, stop! - It's all lies! How can you love someone you met one month ago? [PEOPLE GASP.]
Is any of that true, Clare? They met six months ago! And I should know, because I am the one who introduced them and watched them fall in love.
And he asked her to marry him.
And when someone you love that much proposes, you say yes.
Believe me, you say yes.
So I think we should raise a glass to the happy couple.
To Clare and Josh! ALL: To Clare and Josh! Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh Thank you, Liza.
Thank you.
[SLOW POP MUSIC.]
So, Charles, did you get any vacation during all of this? Uh, I, uh I went to the Hamptons once.
Hamptons once.
Now, was that business or pleasure? - Uh, strictly business.
- Strictly business.
Okay, and are you two back together as a family now? We are working on it.
We love hearing that, right, everybody? - Yeah.
- [APPLAUSE.]
Pauline and Charles, we are so grateful - you are joining us today.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Wrong room, Josh.
Nope.
Right room.
Josh, what are you doing here? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doing.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
Follow your heart.
You're right.
[THE PERISHERS' "NOTHING LIKE YOU AND I".]
It's you, Liza.
It's always been you.
We spent some time together walking Spent some time just talking Josh, we can't.
We can't do this.
You know why.
Please, I can't give you the life that you want.
No, no, no.
The life that I want is any life with you.
And told me what we could be I have to tell Clare that I can't marry her.
Josh.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Maybe not right this second.
[SIGHS.]
Can I just sit here for a sec? All right, let me get you a glass of water, okay? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[SPUTTERS.]
There's nothing like you and I There's nothing like you and I Nothing like You and I There's nothing like you and I [ROOSTER CROWING.]
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
- Hey.
- Hurry up! We were supposed to be downstairs in ten ten minutes ago.
Oh.
Uh, yeah, I'm not so sure about that.
I don't think there's gonna be a wedding.
What? Yeah, Josh came over here last night and Have you seen outside? - Oh.
Mwah.
Good.
- Good to see you.
But he was gonna tell Clare it was off.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, he's got a funny way of showing it.
Come on, get dressed.
I want to get a good seat.
[MOUTHS WORD.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Sorry.
Thanks.
Mobile.
Huh? It's a no-phone ceremony.
Right.
Sure.
Hey.
Hi.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
- What happened? Look, I keep I keep coming back to you, Liza, even when I know I should move on.
And I I need to put a ring between us.
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
This feels really weird.
Yeah.
The groom slept with his best man last night.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Just slept, but still.
Well, I screwed the mother of the bride.
[SCOFFS.]
[SOFT HARP MUSIC PLAYING.]
In the Celtic tradition, this knot represents the bond of your marriage and the joining together of your souls for life.
Will you seek to never give cause to break that bond? BOTH: We shall never do so.
And so the binding is complete.
[HALSEY'S "BAD AT LOVE".]
I'm bad at love, ooh-ooh But you can't blame me for trying - [APPLAUSE.]
- You know I'd be lying Saying you were the one, ooh-ooh That could finally fix me - [CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
- Looking at my history I'm bad at love, ooh-ooh Oh, oh
Caitlin? No, it's Josh.
Hi.
Josh? - Uh, what's wrong? - Nothing's wrong.
Uh, I'm in Ireland, actually, with, uh with Clare.
Hi, Liza! Uh, hi, Clare.
Ireland.
Wow.
Yeah, I got here yesterday.
I kind of missed her, you know? Wasn't ready to let her go.
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.
But I can't stay here forever, so I figured the only way we could keep dating is if I marry her.
What? You're gonna marry Clare? Yeah.
It's the only way to know what we've got, you know? Plus, she'll get a Green Card so she can keep working back in New York Josh, are you sure? [STAMMERING.]
A Green Card marriage is still a marriage.
I know what I'm doing, all right? You're responsible for all of this, so it would mean a lot to me to both of us, really if you were here.
Here? You mean there? In Ireland? I kind of need you, Liza.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Maggie.
Maggie, wake up.
What? What, is is there a fire? Sort of.
Pack your bags.
We're going to Ireland.
What? [ROCK MUSIC.]
Josh is going to marry Clare? This weekend.
Green Card.
I mean, at least we know she's not pregnant.
They've only been dating, like, three weeks.
That's you, always looking on the bright side.
Morning, Liza.
Peters.
Ugh, I wish I could see the bright side in that.
I'll be back on Monday.
So sorry for the late notice.
But everything is in order on "Marriage Vacation.
" So you're taking one.
Interesting.
Not exactly.
Uh, Josh asked me to Oh, my God, the boy chasing.
Will you never learn? Take it from a newly single woman.
Men are nothing but a distract Morning, Diana.
I just want to say how excited I am to be working with you.
And congrats again on the Pubbie.
Marketing is really my passion.
Oh, mine too.
That's where I got started.
You can't believe the number of duds that I've gotten on the best-seller list with a good campaign.
Yes! I know exactly what you're talking about.
We are the unsung heroes! [LAUGHS.]
Don't you have a plane to catch? [TRADITIONAL IRISH MUSIC.]
[TRADITIONAL IRISH MUSIC.]
- Hey! - Hi! You made it! Hey! Google Maps said an hour, but the sheep in front of us said three, so Yeah, that's Ireland for you.
- Hi.
- Hey! Maggie, Liza, this is my mum, Noreen.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- Ah, you're so welcome.
- Oh, hi.
Mum, will you take a picture? - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, sure.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Say, "Tinahely.
" ALL: Tinahely! - [LAUGHTER.]
- Golly.
Clare, let's book an actual photographer for the wedding.
Oh, and we need to get the caterer's quote down and find a band.
God, so much to do before we get these two lovebirds in front of Father Flannery.
You guys are going to a lot of effort for this.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, why wouldn't we? Because it's just for a Green Green yeah, a green a green wedding.
In America, everyone likes to be "green.
" Not wasteful, eco-friendly sort of thing.
- Right.
- Oh.
Well, in Ireland, we like to have fun.
And follow tradition.
I best be off.
I'll leave it to Clare to give you the tour.
- Bye.
- See you later.
- Bye, Mum.
- Bye.
Yes, this is still a Green Card wedding, but no one here knows about that.
- What? How? - You're kidding.
As soon as Mum found out, she went into mother-of-the-bride overdrive.
Well, wouldn't it be easier just to be honest with her? I'll shut up.
I know we should have been, but it's too late now.
So it's gonna be a traditional country wedding with all the trimmings.
Josh, anything I can do to help? I mean, could go suit shopping with you or Uh, no.
I think we got it.
Come on, Mags, let's get you checked in.
Oh, okay.
Awesome.
Do you want to head up to Dublin with me? Dublin? Yeah, I'd I'd love to! I've got to pick up my dress.
[GIGGLES.]
Wonderful.
Okay.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Charles, Zane has some fascinating ideas for "Marriage Vacation.
" "Marriage Vacation" is not his book.
It's my book and Liza's.
Is Liza joining us? Ah.
I meant to tell you, she is Chasing Josh around Ireland.
- Really? - I know.
Leave without pay, obviously.
She's working remotely.
She put this marketing deck together.
Thanks for the segue, Peters.
No, I wasn't finished.
I "Good Morning America" is interested in promoting the book.
Their producer, Cece Jones Charles, Cece is my contact.
I met her at The Nest a few weeks ago Cece and I are old friends.
She can give us two segments, with hero shots of the book cover in and out of commercial breaks.
And she wants to include the real-life "Marriage Vacation," with you, Charles, onstage with Pauline.
Her return.
Your reconciliation Absolutely not.
But I thought you two were back together.
We're selling a book, Zane, not exploiting Charles' family for sales.
Kelsey's right.
This is a little close to home for me.
Of course.
But I thought the angle that Empirical was taking Millennial.
Millennial was taking was that the book is about two people finding their way back to each other.
Wow.
Way off.
Charles, having Pauline and you on "GMA" would help sell the narrative.
I don't think so.
Maybe we could let them get a shot of you by the side of stage, just a nod and wave.
I'll think about it.
We'll see.
Regardless, I'll lock it in with Cece.
Peters, shall we? Already dialing.
So you and Pauline are back together? Uh, well, I wouldn't I wouldn't say that exactly.
Uh, but she did move back in.
Uh, the guest room.
You know, for the girls.
Typical.
Richard and I have recently parted ways.
Hmm.
We're like ships in the night.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
Say, "Oscar Wilde.
" - Oscar Wilde! Yay! - [LAUGHS.]
Oh, so many photos.
My face hurts.
Oh, I know.
It's for the wedding book.
The photo album? Uh, no, it's it's the book of evidence we need to apply for my Green Card.
We need photos, receipts, ticket stubs.
Ugh, that sounds like a lot of work.
Yeah, and then immigration will interrogate us about the validity of our marriage our friends too.
That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.
If they ask you any questions Me? Yeah, I mean, you and Josh are so close.
So if if they ask you, can you tell them that we got married because we love each other? But are you in love with Josh? Well, I-I love that he's willing to do this so I can follow my dreams in the States.
He's amazing, right? Yeah, he is.
I can say, um I can say whatever you need me to say.
Thanks.
And if they ask you how long we've been together, could you say six months instead of one? Six is just more Yeah, it is.
Six times more.
I know it's a lie, but it's a tiny white lie, like the one you had to tell to, you know, get your job.
You know about that? Yeah, of course.
Josh and I are getting married.
We don't keep secrets from each other.
Including this? Josh knows you're asking me to do this? Knows? Liza, it was his idea.
That's why he wants you here, to bolster our story.
- Really? - Yeah.
From what he's told me, you kind of owe him this, right? Him or you? Us.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[UPBEAT IRISH MUSIC.]
Josh only invited me here so I would lie for him.
There goes my peaceful nature walk.
Why did I ever leave Brooklyn? I always regret it.
Sorry, it's just, it's so insane! I'm not gonna lie to Homeland Security.
It's a felony.
That doesn't sound like Josh.
He hates lying, and he hates liars.
I mean, what the hell is really bugging you, girl? I just wish he'd asked me himself.
Something just doesn't feel right about this.
Oh, don't make trouble.
You're not here to "My Best Friend's Wedding" this wedding.
I'm not, and I won't.
It's just, he's barely said two words to me since I got here.
I just feel like this whole marriage is a reaction to everything that's happened between us.
Wait, Liza! And he doesn't understand I'm back here! Oh, no! Oh, my God! I'm sinking! Oh! - I oh, no! - You're in a peat bog! I read about that in the in-flight magazine! It can swallow a horse! Um, I can't Okay, I'm gonna go get help! You stay there! - Hurry! - [YELLING.]
Ugh, it smells like ass.
Ugh! [SHEEP BLEATING.]
[MOTOR THRUMMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
- Ooh! - Oh, God.
[PANTING.]
Oh, thanks again, Noreen.
Lifesaver.
Oh, I could have been a bog body.
Ha.
It happens all the time.
We lost our best calf in that bog last week.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
- Oh, you're soaked through.
Well, my place is just over the hill.
You're welcome to clean up there.
You could probably do with some hot tea.
Or an Irish coffee.
Strongest in the village.
Sold.
You go.
I got to find Josh.
Yeah, good luck.
And watch your step.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[APPLAUSE.]
And welcome back to "Good Morning America.
" We are here with Pauline Turner-Brooks, who has written this incredible book called "Marriage Vacation.
" And not just a book but what seems a thinly veiled version of her very own life, her own marriage.
So, I mean, technically, this is fiction, but how about we call it "faction"? Oh, my God, I love that.
"Faction.
" Can I quote you? So, uh, this is a story about a woman This is quite the coup.
Your ex is a smooth operator.
He is not my ex.
Your F-U buddy, then? It's just F.
And no.
Pauline is a natural.
I think it's going great.
And I think it's not what we agreed on.
I asked for juicy content, Zane.
Juicy.
We're stretching, and we haven't even made it to the first commercial break.
I should have pulled the segment the second the sexy husband refused to go on the air.
Not gonna happen, sorry.
I'm cutting it, then.
Sorry.
Wait.
Okay, look.
He told me no yesterday, but maybe if they ask nicely on the air Did you just give me permission? Mm [QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Zane, what is going on? What did you just say to Cece? Pauline, I've been told your husband is here.
- He is? - Oh, yes.
How supportive, after all the intimate details you revealed about him in this book.
Oh, well, that is a character.
But he's here? Where is he? - Um, he's - Where? Where? Oh, that's him? Come on out.
We'd love to talk to you.
Audience, wouldn't we love to hear from Charles? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Don't be shy.
Come on out.
- Come on! - They want to hear from you.
- Oh, my God.
- [LAUGHTER.]
Welcome.
[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC.]
So tell me about yourself, Maggie.
Well, I'm born in Queens.
I'm an artist.
I'm gay - Oh! - You sound surprised.
I mean, they do have lesbians here in Ireland, right? We call them nuns.
I was reacting to "artist.
" 'Cause I sort of fancy myself as being one too.
Not on your level, now.
Can I show you something? [QUIRKY MUSIC.]
What are we looking at here again? [SIGHS.]
Ever since Clare's father passed away, I keep painting this same landscape.
It's this image that just comes to me in my dreams.
These two rounded hills, and then there's this valley where they meet, and right in the center, there's an opening or a cave.
I can't explain it.
I've never been in there, but I'd love to.
I really would.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
[STAMMERING.]
And what's that pink thing? A boulder, I guess.
Just a round little nubby sort of thing right on top of the cave.
You can touch it if you want.
Actually, no.
It's still wet.
You know ever since I lost my husband, I've thought about being a nun.
No shit.
[LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT IRISH MUSIC.]
Sláinte! Well, there's no turning back now, man.
- Yeah.
- Your goose is cooked! Remember, if you hurt her, we'll kill you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, I got it.
- Josh.
- Oh.
- There you are.
- Hey.
What's up, Liza? Hey.
I feel like you've been avoiding me ever since I got here.
No! No, no, no, no.
This this has been totally wild.
Way more than what I expected.
- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah.
I'm, um I'm starting to feel a little set up here, actually.
Oh.
Oh, you mean 'cause of the whole "six month" thing.
Yeah.
Look, if you don't want to do it, it's totally cool.
I understand.
I mean, I don't I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.
It does make me feel a little uncomfortable, actually.
This is a very official lie.
Homeland Security? So what you're basically saying is, you'll lie for yourself, but you won't lie for me.
Am I lying for you? Or am I lying to get Clare a Green Card? What? This is this isn't for her, Liza.
This is for us.
So we can be together in New York City and see where this leads.
Shit, really? I mean, who do you think Clare is? I don't know, Josh, and I don't think you know either.
[SIGHS.]
If you don't want to be here, just go home.
I can't see clear anymore Throw me a lifeline Ah, ah, ah, ah-ah-ah Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah Ah, ah, ah-ah-ah That is not what we had planned.
I'm so sorry, Charles.
Cece just got out of control, okay? Didn't she, Peters? Why are you asking me? I had nothing to do with that.
Seriously? She's your connection, and this is your book.
Look, I'm not gonna point fingers.
I don't like what's happening here.
Neither do I.
I just helped your book.
Zane, let me catch you up.
I've already had two "New York Times" best sellers and turned an advice book from a dog into a million-dollar franchise.
I don't need your help.
[THUMPING DANCE MUSIC.]
Thank you for being such a good sport, answering all those questions.
They made it sound like we reconciled.
It's not the craziest idea in the world.
Is it? [SOFT MUSIC.]
I think that we are still a work in progress.
Fair enough.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Oh, my God.
From Diana.
The "GMA" page is blowing up.
[LAUGHS.]
Wow.
[LAUGHS.]
I guess it did go well.
[LIVELY IRISH MUSIC PLAYING.]
Hey, we should go.
Josh doesn't want me here.
You just want to slip away and pull an Irish good-bye? It was a bad idea to come.
Besides, everyone here is so drunk, they won't even notice.
A bad idea to support Josh? You keep on saying, "We're friends.
" So prove it.
Be a friend.
Be the best man that he needs you to be.
Liza, Maggie, this is Fiona.
- Hi! - Hi.
- Liza! [SQUEALS.]
- Oh! Hi.
I've only seen you on Clare's Instagram, but I already feel like I know you, you know? Fiona's my oldest friend.
She's also very, very drunk.
Shut up, Clare.
Come.
Let's show these Yanks how to dance.
Uh, let's not.
Please! Ugh, fine.
Not without Liza.
- Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
- Come on.
Okay.
Now point your toes.
And up, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Up, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Liza, keep your arms down.
- It's tradition.
- Okay.
It's because the priests thought if girls moved their upper body, it would "inflame the boys.
" [LAUGHS.]
You can't move your arms without shaking your dirty pillows.
Isn't the whole point of dancing to shake your dirty pillows? [PEOPLE CHEERING.]
That's more like it! Now we're in Ireland! - What's going on? - It's a Riverdance-off.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
And so I want to thank you all for being here.
To my family.
And, uh, to Liza.
She fixed me up with Josh, and Well, how do you thank someone - for the love of your life? - Oh, come on.
I didn't do that much.
Just said he wasn't a jerk, basically.
Now I'd like to make a speech.
I've been in a little Instagram K-hole the last couple of days, and I found out something pretty interesting.
This isn't a love match.
Clare just met Josh, like, last month.
This whole thing is for a Green Card, 'cause Clare hates us and hates Ireland.
- Fiona, stop! - It's all lies! How can you love someone you met one month ago? [PEOPLE GASP.]
Is any of that true, Clare? They met six months ago! And I should know, because I am the one who introduced them and watched them fall in love.
And he asked her to marry him.
And when someone you love that much proposes, you say yes.
Believe me, you say yes.
So I think we should raise a glass to the happy couple.
To Clare and Josh! ALL: To Clare and Josh! Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh Thank you, Liza.
Thank you.
[SLOW POP MUSIC.]
So, Charles, did you get any vacation during all of this? Uh, I, uh I went to the Hamptons once.
Hamptons once.
Now, was that business or pleasure? - Uh, strictly business.
- Strictly business.
Okay, and are you two back together as a family now? We are working on it.
We love hearing that, right, everybody? - Yeah.
- [APPLAUSE.]
Pauline and Charles, we are so grateful - you are joining us today.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Wrong room, Josh.
Nope.
Right room.
Josh, what are you doing here? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doing.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
Follow your heart.
You're right.
[THE PERISHERS' "NOTHING LIKE YOU AND I".]
It's you, Liza.
It's always been you.
We spent some time together walking Spent some time just talking Josh, we can't.
We can't do this.
You know why.
Please, I can't give you the life that you want.
No, no, no.
The life that I want is any life with you.
And told me what we could be I have to tell Clare that I can't marry her.
Josh.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Maybe not right this second.
[SIGHS.]
Can I just sit here for a sec? All right, let me get you a glass of water, okay? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[SPUTTERS.]
There's nothing like you and I There's nothing like you and I Nothing like You and I There's nothing like you and I [ROOSTER CROWING.]
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
- Hey.
- Hurry up! We were supposed to be downstairs in ten ten minutes ago.
Oh.
Uh, yeah, I'm not so sure about that.
I don't think there's gonna be a wedding.
What? Yeah, Josh came over here last night and Have you seen outside? - Oh.
Mwah.
Good.
- Good to see you.
But he was gonna tell Clare it was off.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, he's got a funny way of showing it.
Come on, get dressed.
I want to get a good seat.
[MOUTHS WORD.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Sorry.
Thanks.
Mobile.
Huh? It's a no-phone ceremony.
Right.
Sure.
Hey.
Hi.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
- What happened? Look, I keep I keep coming back to you, Liza, even when I know I should move on.
And I I need to put a ring between us.
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
This feels really weird.
Yeah.
The groom slept with his best man last night.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Just slept, but still.
Well, I screwed the mother of the bride.
[SCOFFS.]
[SOFT HARP MUSIC PLAYING.]
In the Celtic tradition, this knot represents the bond of your marriage and the joining together of your souls for life.
Will you seek to never give cause to break that bond? BOTH: We shall never do so.
And so the binding is complete.
[HALSEY'S "BAD AT LOVE".]
I'm bad at love, ooh-ooh But you can't blame me for trying - [APPLAUSE.]
- You know I'd be lying Saying you were the one, ooh-ooh That could finally fix me - [CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
- Looking at my history I'm bad at love, ooh-ooh Oh, oh