Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s04e13 Episode Script

1
- GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS, KIDS!
IT'S OW!
- HEY, KIDS!
IT'S ME, PANDA EDDY.
ARE YOU READY TO
HAVE A PANDA FUN TIME?
FOLLOW ME, KIDS.
I'D LIKE YOU KIDS TO
MEET MY BEST PAL.
- ARF! ARF!
- HIDEY, HIDEY, BALLOON POOCHIE!
SAY HI TO THE KIDS.
- ARF! ARF!
- HA HA HA!
BOY, BALLOON POOCHIE,
YOU'RE SO KEENO NIFTY.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
NOW, WHO COULD THAT BE?
- GREETINGS, EVERYONE!
- IT'S MR. CALCULATOR PANTS!
- SALUTATIONS, PANDA EDDY.
BALLOON POOCHIE, ARE WE
READY FOR TODAY'S SCHOOLING
ON ALGEBRAIC
MATHEMATICS AND THE
- TOOT! TOOT!
- HEY, IT'S THE
ELEPHANT CHOO-CHOO!
"RUFF! RUFF!"
YOU CAN SAY THA
AGAIN, BALLOON POOCHIE.
- OUCH!
- LOOK, KIDS, IT'S
MR. RAILROAD RUMP!
- THAT I AM, KIDS.
JUST CALL ME "RUMPY."
- HEY, KIDS, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO ADOP
YOUR VERY OWN BALLOON POOCHIE?
WELL, YOU CAN FOR JUST 25 CENTS.
"RUFF! RUFF!"
YEP. JUST 25 CENTS.
- "KINDERGARTEN!"
IS RIGHT, PLANK.
LET'S BLOW THIS POP STAND.
- WHAT DO WE LOOK
LIKE, A COUPLE OF BABIES?
BOY, WAS THAT STUPID.
- PAY THEM NO HEED,
BALLOON POOCHIE,
'CAUSE YOU'RE CUTE.
- I'VE HAD IT!
WE'RE WASTING OUR
TIME WITH THESE TWERPS.
ALL WE DO IS BUST OUR
BUTTS FOR THESE GUYS,
AND WHAT'S IT GET US?
SQUAT!
- OH, COME, NOW, EDDY.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THA
SCAM WAS A TAD INFANTILE,
DON'T YOU THINK?
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
YOU'RE MR. CALCULATOR
PANTS, FOR PETE'S SAKE!
- IF YOU'D JUST TAKE
THE TIME TO NOTICE, EDDY,
YOU'LL FIND THAT THE NEIGHBORHOOD
CHILDREN ARE CHANGING
GROWING UP, ONE MIGHT SAY.
- SUCKLE?
AAH!
- WHAT LAME-BRAINED SCHMUCK
THROWS AWAY A
PERFECTLY GOOD TRICYCLE?
[JIMMY WHIMPERING]
- SEE, EDDY?
JIMMY'S MATURING.
ISN'T IT INSPIRING?
HE'S ADAPTING FROM A
JUVENILE 3-WHEELED BIKE
TO A 2-WHEELED SYMBOL
OF BURGEONING ADULTHOOD.
- DO NOT TAUN
THE TRIKE, DOUBLE D.
- YEAH, WHAT DID THE
TRIKE EVER DO TO YOU?
- I'M CONVERSING
WITH PUERILE IMPS.
PERHAPS OTHER
EXAMPLES ARE IN ORDER.
LOOK CLOSELY, EDDY,
FOR UNDERNEATH THAT CALM, COOL,
BRING HOME TO MEE
MOTHER EXTERIOR,
NAZZ IS DEVELOPING ON
A MULTITUDE OF LEVELS
BOTH CELLULAR AND GENETIC.
A MATURING ORGANISM, GENTLEMEN!
- WHERE'S THE GAG, DOUBLE D?
- GROWING UP ISN'
ALWAYS FUNNY, ED.
- BORING!
- YO, ROLF! CHECK OUT THE BEARD.
- BEARD?
- PRETTY MANLY, HUH?
- HA HA HO!
BRACE YOURSELF, LITTLE BOY,
FOR THIS IS WHA
IT IS TO BE A MAN!
- I'M GONNA HEAVE!
- ROLF MUTATED!
- PHYSICALLY DEVELOPED, ED.
ALBEIT A TAD EXTREME,
JUST ANOTHER INDICATION
OF IMPENDING ADULTHOOD.
WHY, IT'LL ONLY BE
A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE THE KIDS
DECIDE ON CAREERS
AND BECOME PRODUCTIVE
MEMBERS OF SOCIETY.
- I'M OK.
- CAREERS, HUH?
- A SURE SIGN OF MATURITY, EDDY.
- CAREERS EQUALS EMPLOYMENT.
EMPLOYMENT EQUALS CASH!
- OH! OH! MY TURN!
- NOT NOW, ED!
COME ON, DOUBLE D!
WE AIN'T GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
- BUT, EDDY
- EDDY'S CAREER COUNSELING?
HMM.
- ONLY AT EDDY'S
CAREER COUNSELING
CAN OUR HIGHLY TRAINED
EXPERTS USE YOUR INDIVIDUAL
[PRO-FEEL] PROFILE
AND A COMPUTER TO PICK
A CAREER JUST FOR YOU,
ALL FOR A MEASLY QUARTER.
- GO ON, SARAH. IT'LL BE FUN!
- OH, I BET IT WILL.
- HEH HEH HEH.
- SHALL WE BEGIN?
YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
- MAGENTA.
- MAGELLAN!
- THANK YOU. PANTS SIZE?
- 12, I GUESS.
- BUTTERED TOAST!
- AND FAVORITE VEGETABLE?
- RELISH!
- NO, ED. SPROUTS!
[TAPE MEASURE SNAPS] OW!
- GRAVY!
- YES, WELL, IF YOU'LL
FOLLOW ME, JONNY,
TO OUR VAULT OF VOCATIONS,
AND SELECT AN ITEM
OF YOUR CHOICE.
- A BALL OF TWINE!
ARE WE LUCKY OR WHAT?
- I'll TAKE THAT, THANK YOU.
[WHISPERING]
OUR COMPUTER WILL
NOW PROCESS, EVALUATE,
AND DETERMINE
JONNY'S EXACT CAREER.
- VROOM! BUZZ! CLICK! HUM!
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
HUM! HOMINA, HOMINA!
BANG!
JONNY IS A GOPHER!
- A GOPHER?
- CONGRATULATIONS,
AND HERE'S YOUR DIPLOMA.
GO OUT THERE AND BE THE
BEST GOPHER YOU CAN BE.
NEXT!
[JIMMY SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
- HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
THIS GROWNUP STUFF'S GOLD!
- A POTATO MONGER?
- WELL, ACCORDING
TO OUR COMPUTER
DEAR ROLF, YOUR PROFILE
DID LEAN TOWARDS MORE, UH
- ROLF WISHES TO BE A BARBER.
- A BARBER?
- IN THE OLD COUNTRY,
HE WHO CUTS HAIR IS
VIEWED A MAN AMONG MEN.
- BUT, ROLF
- ROLF IS A BARBER!
- PARTY AT ROLF'S HOUSE!
- A BARBER IT IS.
NOW GO BUZZ SOME
HEADS THERE, FIGARO.
- I'M READY FOR MY
CAREER, DOUBLE D.
[NAZZ GIGGLES]
- WHY DOES NAZZ WANT A CAREER?
- 'CAUSE SHE'S
GROWING UP, NIMROD.
YOU WANT ONE, COUGH UP.
- NIMROD?
I TELL YOU WHAT, DORKY.
MEET ME WHEN YOU'RE DONE
AND I'll SHOW YOU WHAT MY BOO
WANTS TO DO WHEN IT GROWS UP.
HA HA HA!
- A DENTIST?
ME, A DENTIST?
AW, DOUBLE D, THAT'S SO COOL.
- MY TURN! MY TURN!
- YEAH! I WANT A
CAREER! I WANT A CAREER!
- THEY CAN GROW
UP ALL THEY WANT,
'CAUSE I'M STAYING A KID.
JAWBREAKERS!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
LAST ONE TO MY
HOUSE IS A ROTTEN
WHAT SCATTERBRAINED SCHNOOK
WOULD LEAVE A
CHAIR LYING AROUND?
- GOOD MORNING, PATIENTS.
I'M DR. NAZZ, "DENTIRESS."
[NAZZ GIGGLES]
FIRST THING'S FIRST, DUDES.
JAWBREAKERS ARE SO
BAD FOR YOUR TEETH.
CAVITIES AND STUFF?
TOTALLY!
- AAH!
- THERE. NOW LET'S DO THIS.
COZY?
- JEEZ. WHAT'S WITH THE LIGHT?
- BUT I ALREADY HAVE A DENTIST!
- LIGHT.
- HEY, THIS LOOKS COOL!
- I'M SORRY, MR. TREE,
BUT I'VE GOT A JOB TO DO.
MY CUMMERBUND!
AAH! AIEE!
OW! NO! HURT!
AAH!
JOB-RELATED OWIE.
- HUH?
BUSY DAY, HUH, GUYS?
DENTAL EMERGENCY!
- HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR JIMMY
AND EXTREMELY FORTUNATE FOR US.
- THE JAWBREAKERS!
- GENTLEMEN, HASN'T ANY
OF THIS TALK OF MATURITY,
ADULTHOOD, OR
RESPONSIBILITY SUNK IN?
- JAWBREAKERS, DOUBLE D!
- BELIEVE YOU ME, ED,
I, TOO, SUCCUMB TO THE SIGH
OF THOSE SUCCULENT,
TOOTHSOME ORBS.
BUT OUR ACTIONS NEED TO REFLEC
THE EMERGING MATURE
ADULTS WE ARE. UH
WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- MY HOUSE!
MY DAD'S GOT POWER TOOLS!
- BUT, EDDY, YOU'RE JUST A KID!
- A TRAFFIC LIGHT!
WHAT KIND OF A
STUPID CAREER IS THAT?
IDIOTS!
- OH!
OOH!
AAH!
[LAUGHTER]
[DOUBLE D PANTING]
- STOP!
- WHAT DID YOU STOP FOR?
GO GET THE JAWBREAKERS!
- MY MOM AND DAD
SAID TO ALWAYS OBEY
[SIG-E-NALS] TRAFFIC
SIGNALS EDDY.
SEE? STOP.
- BRAVO, ED!
THAT WAS A VERY RESPONSIBLE
AND GROWN-UP DECISION.
- SARAH, CHANGE THE LIGHT!
NOW!
- I'M JUST DOING WHA
YOU KNOW-IT-ALLS TOLD ME.
[SARAH GROWLS]
GO! STUPID.
- I GOT IT!
I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
HA HA HA
- OF ALL THE ED,
YOU GET BACK HERE!
- UH-OH.
NO!
HURT.
- ED!
- HOLY COW, PLANK!
AM I THE BEST GOPHER OR WHAT?
- WAS THAT JONNY?
WHERE'D THE DESK GO?
AHA!
- YOU MAY NOW THANK ROLF
FOR EMBELLISHING THAT CHICKEN
POSTERIOR YOU CALLED A HEAD.
- AND A FINE
HOWDY-DO TO YOU, TOO.
- COME ON! PUSH, WILL YA?
- UNHAND ROLF'S
TOOLS OF PROFESSION!
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING
ROLF'S SHAMPOO TABLE?
- SHAMPOO TABLE?
- OH, YEAH! HEY, AIN'T I NEXT?
[WHISPERING]
[ED CHUCKLES]
NOTHING TOO OUT THERE.
STILL LIVING AT HOME, YOU KNOW.
- YEP. IT'S ME, ALL RIGHT.
- JUST A LITTLE OFF
THE TOP THERE, PICASSO.
- WHY, THAT HAIRCU
LOOKS VERY
RESEMBLING, ED.
- SILENCE!
AS THE BARBER HAS HAIR TO PRUNE.
[ROLF HUMMING]
YOU ARE COMPLETE!
BEHOLD THE MIRACLE
BESTOWED UPON YOU!
YOU MAY BOW TO ROLF.
- UH
- THAT WILL BE TWO CHICKENS
AND A PILLOW, THANK YOU.
- YEAH, SURE. JUS
PUT IT ON MY TAB.
- VERY WELL, PATRON.
TAB?
WHAT IS THIS TAB?
[EDDY GRUNTING]
- BINGO!
GET SOME NAPKINS, BOYS
'CAUSE WE'RE SLOBBERING
ON JAWBREAKERS.
- HA HA HA!
- THIS DAY HAS BEEN SIMPLY THE MOS
GRATIFYING DAY I CAN REMEMBER, EDDY.
YET I CAN'T HELP BUT PONDER
OUR OWN PATHS INTO MATURITY
- WHO'S MATURING? YOU
MATURING? I AIN'T MATURING.
- OH, COME, NOW.
EDDY, TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOUR
ASPIRATIONS OF ADULTHOOD?
- WHEN I GET OLD, I
AM GOING TO BE RICE
'FRISCO STYLE.
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST BE
USEFUL AND GET TO WORK?
YOU, TOO, GABBY.
- I YEARN THE ROMANTIC
LIFE OF AN EXPLORER
WHEN I BECOME OLDER,
TRAVELING AND DISCOVERING
EXOTIC PEOPLE, PLACES,
AND MY TRUE INNER SELF.
WELL, EDDY? AND YOU?
- SCAMMING KIDS FOR A
ZILLION YEARS, DOUBLE D,
'CAUSE I AIN'
NEVER GETTING OLD!
I'M BUILDING ME A
FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.
I'll BE YOUNG AND
HANDSOME FOREVER
AND RICH.
[RUMBLING]
- LUNCHTIME!
- WELL-DESERVED, I MUST SAY.
- HE'S A PEST!
AAH!
WHOA!
OH, MY ACHING
'CAUSE I AIN'
NEVER GETTING OLD!
[ECHOING] 'CAUSE
I AIN'T NEVER
NEVER GETTING OLD.
OH, MY ACHING BACK.
HEY, HOW'D I GE
BACK IN MY ROOM?
OH, HIYA, GRANDPA!
AAH! AAH!
YOU'RE NOT GRANDDAD.
YOU'RE ME.
I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
HUH?
- WHY, HELLO, EDDY.
WE'VE COME IN HOPES
OF A THIRD FOR CRIBBAGE.
- CRIBBAGE GIVES ME GAS!
- AAH!
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.
- LOSS OF CONTROL IS THE
FIRST THING TO GO, EDDY.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO US, DOUBLE D?
WE LOOK LIKE TURKEYS.
AAH!
- CALM DOWN, EDDY.
I'll LET YOU SHUFFLE.
- I HATE CRIBBAGE!
I'M JUST A KID!
[DOUBLE D LAUGHS]
- KID! HA HA!
OH, EDDY!
WHY, WE HAVEN'T BEEN
KIDS IN OVER 90 YEARS.
- 90 YEARS?
[THUD]
- HA HA HA!
BABY GO WEE-WEE!
HA HA HA!
- IT CAN'T BE.
THE JAWBREAKERS
STILL LOCKED UP
LIKE NAZZ LEFT THEM.
- EDDY, IS THAT YOU?
AH, CONFOUNDED DARKNESS.
CRIBBAGE, EDDY!
- COMING THROUGH!
- CHECKMATE, PLANK!
YOU OLD CODGER, YOU!
- JONNY, IS THAT YOU?
- OH, HEY, EDDY.
NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?
WHAT YOU STARING AT?
NAZZ FORGET HER PANTS AGAIN?
[NAZZ GIGGLES]
- HERE YOU GO, LITTLE DUDES.
- SHE'S STILL GOT IT, HUH, EDDY?
- GOT WHAT? LIVER SPOTS?
I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS.
WHOA!
MY HIP!
- WHAT'S THAT, PLANK?
EDDY? WHERE?
OH, HEY, EDDY.
NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?
WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?
- WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND?
- KIND OF.
- CAN'T YOU SEE ME AND
JIMMY ARE PLAYING HERE?
- YOU HEARD HER, POOPY PANTS.
WHAT SAY YOU
JUST LEAVE US TO IT?
- LEAVE YOU TO WHAT?
SKIP ROPE?
AIN'T YOU TOO OLD TO SKIP ROPE?
- SKIP ROPE?
WHAT DO WE LOOK LIKE,
A COUPLE OF BABIES?
WE'RE KNITTING, YOU IDIOT!
- AND NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE.
I MADE THIS BEDPAN
COZY FOR SARAH.
- SO GET LOST, POPS!
- YOW!
GOOD ON YA.
I'M SO CONFUSED.
- HELLO, KEVIN.
- HUH? I'M NOT KEVIN.
- WHO IS THIS KEVIN
YOU SPEAK OF?
ROLF'S TRACTOR IS NOT FOR SALE!
YOU FOOL!
ROLF DOES NO
LOVE YOU, NAZZ GIRL.
- OK.
- YOU TAUNT ROLF'S TURNIP,
JONNY THE WOOD BOY?
GET OFF ROLF'S PROPERTY
BEFORE ROLF GETS
HIS BEATING STICK!
- HUH?
STOP IT!
- MOVE IT, DORK.
YEAH, THAT'LL LEARN YOU.
DORK! HA HA HA!
[BEEPING]
- OH, THERE YOU ARE, EDDY.
ED AND I HAVE BEEN LOOKING
EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.
WHAT'S SAY WE GE
YOU HOME NOW, EDDY?
THIS HUMIDITY IS KILLING ME.
- HOME?
JAWBREAKERS?
THAT'S IT, GUYS!
- WHAT'S THAT, EDDY?
- THAT'S THE KEY TO OUR YOUTH.
HURRY!
[EDDY BREATHING HEAVILY]
JUST FOLLOW ME.
- TOO LATE! I
ALREADY WENT, EDDY.
- ONE BITE OF THESE JAWBREAKERS,
AND EVERYTHING WILL
BE BACK TO NORMAL.
- WHY, I HAVEN'T HAD A
JAWBREAKER IN DECADES.
I CAN'T QUITE RECALL THE FLAVOR.
BOYSENBERRY, WASN'T IT?
FUNNY THING ABOUT BOYSENBERRY,
IT ACTUALLY LEFT THE
TONGUE A PALE GREEN,
WHICH ALWAYS
REMINDED ME OF APPLE,
OH, OR MAYBE KUMQUAT,
WHICH IS ODD AS I
DON'T THINK MOTHER
EVER HAD KUMQUATS
AROUND THE HOUSE.
AH, BUT I DIGRESS.
MY CAT, NIELS BOHR,
DOESN'T CARE FOR ME WEARING
CORDUROYS AROUND THE HOUSE.
SEEMS THE SOUNDS
OF THE LEGS RUBBING
ISN'T QUITE THE MELODIOUS
SYMPHONY TO THE CAT'S EARS
AS IT IS TO
- SHUT UP, WILL YOU? CRIMINY.
ED, BUST THE STUPID DESK.
- ED?
I'll GO GET HIM, EDDY!
ED'S NOT HERE, EDDY.
- TIME HAS REDUCED
IT TO DUST, EDDY.
- BUT I'M JUST A KID!
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
I'M NOT OLD! I'M NOT OLD!
I'M NOT HUH?
AAH!
- EDDY?
- DOUBLE D, IS THAT REALLY YOU?
OH, YOU'RE JUST A KID!
- PHYSICALLY, YES,
BUT I LIKE TO THINK I'VE
EXCELLED ACADEMICALLY
- YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER.
AND I'M A KID, TOO!
WE'RE NOT OLD ANYMORE
WHO NEEDS A CANE NOW, DOUBLE D?
- RELAX, EDDY,
AS I FEAR YOU MAY HAVE
SUFFERED AN HALLUCINATION
BROUGHT ON BY THA
BUMP ON YOUR HEAD.
- WHO'S UP FOR JAWBREAKERS?
- THE JAWBREAKERS!
- YUMMEDY YUM YUM!
- GIVE ME THAT!
I DON'T EVER WANT TO GROW UP.
- IT SEEMS YOU DOZED
OFF AGAIN THERE, EDDY.
YOU WERE RECOUNTING YET ANOTHER
HUMOROUS STORY FROM OUR PAS
WHEN WE WERE CHILDREN.
- YOU REMEMBER THE
FUNNIEST THINGS, EDDY,
LIKE I FORGET.
- IT WAS ALL JUST STORIES?
MEMORIES FROM THE PAST?
WE REALLY ARE OLD!
- WELL, SO MUCH FOR OUR
ROUSING GAME OF CRIBBAGE.
- I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.
PULL MY FINGER, EDDY.
HA HA HA!
- THAT MISCHIEVOUS PRANK
IS OLDER THAN WE ARE, ED.
- GROW UP, YOU SHRIVELED
UP, PETRIFIED LUMP!
[DOUBLE D LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
I STILL WISH I WAS A KID!
ED, EDD, N EDDY
BBBBRRRRR, YEAH!