Empty Nest (1988) s04e13 Episode Script

All right.
Bye-bye, see ya.
Oh, Laverne.
Reverend chambers is going to drop by the office sometime soon.
The reverend? Gettin' a jump on your afterlife, huh? Good idea, 'cause as it stands now, there's a picture of you at the pearly gates with a slash through it.
What are you talking about? I am talkin' about your sorry soul being damned for eternity the way you messed with my filin' system.
- Harry.
- Ah.
Michael, hey.
Yeah, it's good to see you.
Would you please do me a favor and tell Laverne I will not go to hell for misplacing a file? - A patient's file? - Yes.
I'm sorry, Harry.
You know, in hell, they have socialized medicine.
Good one.
He's gonna have nightmares tonight.
I hope I didn't disqualify myself for a big favor.
I don't know.
Well, I think I can squeeze something in for the man who's helped my family through every crisis we've ever had.
Well, actually, it's for my son, Alex.
He's got it in his head he wants to be a doctor.
And he was wondering if he could spend a couple of days with you here as part his school's career week.
I'd be honored.
Well, who better to teach him the ropes than you? Thank you.
Besides, Dr.
Franklin was busy.
Thanks a million, Harry.
If I were a catholic, I'd put you up for sainthood.
But, since I'm a presbyterian, well, thanks.
Life goes on and so we Just how we do it is no mystery One by one - one by one we fill the days we find a thousand different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find Hard to find that's something I will never be I'm always here for anything you need Anything you need rain or shine, I'll be the one To share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on Charles.
How are you? Not bad.
Not bad.
Not bad.
Real bad, Harry.
I got a big problem on my hands.
What? What is it? It's my pickup lines.
They're just not popping like they used to.
Time was you could go to a real nice bar like crotch dusters Walk up to the nearest babe and reel her in with a classic like, "hi, I'm Neil Armstrong.
" That line actually worked? Oh, yeah.
And in the morning, if you never wanted to see her again, you just had to utter the two magic words.
- Which were? - Space crabs.
Oh, god.
But, Harry, my entire repertoire's bombing.
Well, have you ever thought of trying honesty? Harry, that doesn't even work when they're drunk.
Hi.
Morning, Carol.
Charley, can't we have breakfast at least one morning without you here? Well, I had to talk to Harry.
He's helping me with a personal problem.
Oh, I'm sorry, Charley.
I won't pry.
Burning sensation? Carol.
You're up early today.
I have to spend all day cooking.
I'm up for this really big job catering a wedding.
Ooh.
Great.
Remember Suzanne, my friend from high school? Well, now she lives in palm beach.
And the wedding is If my food is real exciting, it can lead to a lot of other jobs.
So, I was up till two in the morning sculpting a baby cupid out of marzipan.
Ooh.
Bye, got to go.
All right.
Here we go.
Dave, you first.
Ready? Very clever, guys.
Come on.
Otto.
You.
This time, for real.
Here we go.
Ooh! Excuse me, doctor.
The reverend and his son are here.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks, Laverne.
Listen, guys.
I'll be back in a minute.
Give me a break, will you? Hi, Harry.
I really appreciate this.
My pleasure.
Whoa.
Alex, my, look how much you've grown.
over the last 12 months.
My hormones have kicked in nicely.
Well, all right.
We're going to show you just how exciting pediatrics can be.
Thank you.
Doctor will take a peek at what's in the diaper.
After lunch.
Harry, you'll find Alex well prepared.
I've been helping him work through grey's anatomy, and he's already dissected two fetal pigs.
Want to see them? Maybe after the diaper.
Quick, Alex.
Skin infection caused by a mite? - Scabies.
- That's beautiful.
Well, I'll leave you two medical men to your work.
Thanks again, Harry.
Sure thing.
All right.
Alex.
Let's get started.
Right now, I'm examining twin boys.
Their folks said it would be okay if you observed.
Mother says they've not been eating very well.
Poor appetite, eh? All right.
Let's go cure these boys.
What's the big deal? It's just wedding food.
Just wedding food? Poor, naive, Barbara.
Look about you.
Don't you see the symbolism all reflecting on the theme of marriage? I see some little wieners.
Well, look again.
See the two artichokes nestled on a bed of lettuce? These sun-dried tomatoes molded to look like two clasped hands? It's all part of my creative overview.
One-ness, two-ness, me-ness, we-ness.
Get me a bucket.
Carol, do yourself a favor Cash that check before you weird these people out.
- Don't! - Stop it.
Suzanne, it's been so long.
Oh, you look wonderful.
Carol, this is my fiance, Greg.
Hi, pleased to meet you.
I'm so glad you could come.
Please sit down.
- Thanks.
- Wow.
Oh.
Oh, it's all so beautiful.
You know, Greg, the worthingtons need a caterer for their mansion warming.
Ooh! Oh, no.
I don't believe it.
I have to show a house.
I'm so sorry.
I guess I'll just have to let Greg make all the decisions.
- Bye, dear.
- Bye-bye.
Bye.
Well, everything looks so interesting.
And meaningful.
See how the cherry tomatoes are stuffed with caviar to symbolize fertility and life.
I don't just serve food, I serve analogies.
It's brilliant.
I love how it's all connected.
You know, you're an artist, Carol? You're very special, sensual, artist.
Uh, let me show you a cake I've designed for you.
I've put a lot of myself into it.
Then it must be delicious.
You'll notice the two pair of bride and groom dolls, one youthful, one elderly, to show how you'll both grow old together.
Just you and her.
Greg and Suzanne, always together.
Constantly faithful.
No one ever stuck in the middle there to Thank you for coming.
I'm very excited about us working together.
I think you'll be wonderful.
Okay.
Toodle-loo, Thomas.
Hi, Harry.
Charley, what are you doing here? Great news.
I wanted to tell you, I tried the honesty thing to pick up some girls.
Worked like a charm.
I'm glad to hear it.
Nah, I'm lying through my teeth.
I went down in flames.
Weird, I can't even be honest with you.
Charley, what did you say to these women? Believe me, it was brilliant.
Nah, I'm snowing you.
I didn't even try the honesty thing.
Geez, I'm really screwed up here, Harry.
- I've been miserable.
- Really? No actually, I'm fine.
Charley, I have to get back to work.
.
All right.
Well, you just keep on trying, all right? Will do, man.
Will do.
Right.
I finished filling out the specimen label, doctor.
Oh, thank you.
You wrote down the wrong date.
Today is the sixth.
Oh my god, you're right.
What have I done? It's no big deal.
A little mistake.
Well, I wish I had your blinders on.
Oh, please don't tell my father.
Why would I tell you father? - Please, just promise.
- Okay, Alex.
Come on, there's no problem.
You're a wonderful man, doctor Weston.
You have a very well-adjusted personality.
Thank you.
Of course, there are few minor aberrations, but you hide them quite well.
Alex, could you do me a favor, please, and clean up the tray in exam room one, they way I showed you? - Please.
- Sure.
Oh.
He still here? I thought by now he'd be on doogie howser.
I'm kind of worried about him.
He seems kind of afraid of his dad.
Really? Afraid of the reverend? Who could be afraid of him? I know.
I know.
Surprised me, too.
Maybe it's just my imagination i Yeah, come on, the reverend is the best man I know.
Practically walks on water.
What's it? Damn gum.
Hi, Harry.
I was stopping to see the new hospital chapel.
I thought I'd drop by.
Oh.
Hi, dad.
Hey, Alex.
How's everything going? Flawless so far.
Good.
Listen.
I ran into doctor green on the way up, and there's a chance to see this artificial mitral valve he's been developing.
Oh, thanks, that'll be great.
No.
Not you, Harry.
There's this valve, it's made out of a new kind of latex.
It's very exciting stuff.
We'll swing around doctor green's - tomorrow after work.
- Uh-oh.
Tomorrow's my baseball game.
We're playing o'brien's big and tall shop.
Oh, right.
Shoot, I forgot.
Ah, you know, doctor green's really going out on a limb for us here, but Well, I'll just tell him you had something more important, that's all.
Well, look, I can call doctor green, try to reschedule.
I already talked to him, Harry.
If that's what you want, son, it's your decision.
You're right, dad.
I can't pass this up.
I'll skip the game.
Alex, that's the kind of dedication that made your brother an editor at the new yorker.
Quick! Irregular contraction of the intestine? That would be - No, not you, Harry.
- Spastic colon.
Bull's eye! I'll see you tonight.
Bye, Harry.
Laverne.
Bye-bye.
Oh.
Thanks for not telling my father about my mistake.
That was really nice of you.
Not at all.
Not at all.
So, ready to see our next patient? Something the matter? Well Please don't tell my father, but I I don't want to be a doctor.
Alex.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
I mean, this is so unprofessional.
You know what I think? I think you said you wanted to be a doctor because your dad wants you to be a doctor.
You may have noticed he's into success.
That I have noticed.
I mean, who knows? Maybe someday I'll want to be a doctor.
But, if I do, I don't want to be the world's greatest.
I wanna be like you.
Thanks.
Just a normal, average guy who isn't any kind of star at all.
Well, you know a guy who's happy being just okay.
You know, I have had an article published here and there a guy who didn't go to the very best medical school.
A guy who's just that's enough compliments, Alex, please.
The point is, is you have plenty of time to decide what you're going to be.
But I think you should tell your dad about it.
You don't know how much this means to him.
Talk to him.
Trust me, he'll understand.
Okay.
I'll try.
There you go.
You'll take care of the children? I'll struggle through somehow.
- Hey, Charley.
- Hey, Barbara.
What's the matter? You seem bummed.
It's this pickup line thing.
My self confidence is shot.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I feel like a hollow shell of a man, and I'm not ashamed to say I'm scared.
Oh, Charley, I had no idea.
Why don't you let me take you out to dinner tonight? - Make you feel better.
- Yes! It worked.
The greatest pickup line ever conceived by man.
Thank you, Jimmy swaggart.
And, thank you, Barbara, for the test run.
You didn't mean a word of it? Of course not.
I got to run.
Happy hour's just winding down at stiffies.
Oh, Barbara, I'm so glad you're home.
I'm in the midst of a terrible moral crisis.
I'm catering a wedding and the groom came on to me.
What is he, crazy? But ever since then, I've made sure to only meet with him and Suzanne.
But he's still after me.
I can see it in his eyes.
You sure he's not rolling them? Oh, Barbara, if I tell Suzanne, she might call the wedding off.
And this is my big chance to connect with the palm beach crowd.
So, don't say anything.
It's their problem.
But, I know the right thing to do is to tell her.
I mean, if only someone had warned me about Gary before I married him.
We did.
All of us.
Strangers were calling, telling you not to marry Barbara - Hi, doctor Weston.
- Hi, Alex.
Come.
Come on in.
Nice to see you.
- How are you? - Fine.
- Oh.
- Do you mind if I live with you until I go to college? Oh-ho-ho.
I'm guessing your talk with your father - didn't go too well, huh? - Yeah.
He said I was just going through a phase.
Next week, I'd want to be a doctor more than ever.
Uh huh-huh-huh.
I don't think he heard a word I said.
He's too excited about the new toy model he bought me.
The visible prostate.
Oh, you remember my daughters.
This is Barbara.
And Carol.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I hear you want to be a doctor.
I'm not so sure anymore.
What do you guys want to be? Well, we already are.
I'm a cop, and Carol's a caterer.
That's it? Boy, I wish you were my dad.
You already have a wonderful dad.
Will you talk to him for me? Alex, it's very hard to tell another parent how to deal with their child.
Okay.
Guess I'll just have to be a world-famous doctor after all.
All right.
All right.
I'll find some appropriate way of telling one of my dearest friends, and wisest counselors, that he's been making some big mistakes as a father, and Uh, girls, Alex and I need to talk.
Would you go to your rooms, please? Sure.
They live here? Uh, yes.
Yes.
- Hi, Harry.
- Hi.
Thanks for coming over.
Alex is waiting in the kitchen.
I'm sorry he's caused you all this trouble.
I don't know what's gotten into him.
Well, I think that maybe I do.
Um, tsk I feel awkward even approaching the subject, but, well, it's about Alex and you.
Um, I'm sorry, this is very difficult.
Oh, come on, Harry.
We're old friends.
All right.
Look.
Now, I know from my experience as a father, that it's natural to want your child to succeed because every child is a reflection of the parent.
Daddy, could you feel my skull? I think my soft spot's opening up again.
Now, honey honey Honey, honey, Carol I'm busy with the reverend.
I'll have to feel your skull later.
Evening, reverend.
The point is The point is, is that sometimes a child tries to succeed at something because they think it's going to make the parent happy.
I mean, I know that my daughters sometimes still do things just to please me.
Daddy.
Would you pay money to have sex with me? You look fine, dear.
Yeah? I wasn't sure.
Hi, rev.
You were saying? What I'm trying to say is, I don't think Alex wants to be a doctor.
Oh, Harry.
You wouldn't be saying that if you saw the joy in his face last night when he was gluing together that prostate.
Now, maybe that happiness comes from wanting so much to please you.
Michael, I think you're putting too much pressure on the boy.
Listen, I think if somebody could make a difference in the world, they should.
And if you think that makes me a bad father, I'm sorry, I don't agree.
Michael, as you've said yourself many times, a truly successful person is one who is decent, and honest, and caring.
And, in all those categories, I promise you, your Alex is going to make you very, very proud.
Harry, don't take it from me that Alex wants to be a doctor.
Ask him yourself.
Fine.
Excuse me.
Alex, would you come in here for a minute, please? - Hi, dad.
- Hi, Alex.
I want you to answer a question.
Be absolutely honest now.
Doctor Weston says that you don't want to be a doctor, is this true? No.
Dad, of course, I want to be a doctor.
Thank you.
Now, Harry, I know this was just out of concern for Alex, but I also know that he was pretty happy until he spent this time with you.
Wait, this isn't doctor Weston's fault.
It's mine.
Dad, I don't want to be a doctor.
Oh, Alex, you're just tired.
No, dad.
I lied to you before.
I've been lying for a long time.
Why? Because I didn't want to let you down.
Dad, I love you.
I didn't want you to be disappointed.
Oh, Alex, you could never disappoint me.
Why didn't you say something? Well, I tried to this morning.
- Well, what did I say? - You said you're disappointed.
Oh, boy.
That does sound familiar.
Alex, what do you say, we stop worrying about careers for a while, huh? Harry, could I interest you in a plastic prostate? A couple years, I might need one, but no.
Doctor Weston, I'd like to thank you for being my surrogate father for a while.
If it weren't for you, I might've spent the rest of my life curing diseases, and saving lives.
Hey, I do what I can.
You know what I mean? And so, I ask you in the presence of your loving families and friends on this happy day, do you - wait! That man is a philanderer, and this wedding must be stopped! I guess this isn't the regency room.
Oh, no, he's fine.
This wedding may continue.
Happy, happy, happy.
Suzanne! Suzanne! Don't do it! I know just how you feel.
I broke up with my husband five years ago.
- And what happened? - Well, I've stayed single, and I'm living at home with my father.
Greg! Come back! I forgive you!