Reno 911! (2003) s04e13 Episode Script
Happy Anniversary
we take you now live for a we take you now live for a we take you now live for a statement from a representative Statement from a representative Statement from a representative for the reno sheriff's For the reno sheriff's For the reno sheriff's department.
Department.
Department.
[dangle clucking like a chicken.]
[dangle clucking like a chicken.]
[dangle clucking like a chicken.]
the mayor of chickentown has the mayor of chickentown has the mayor of chickentown has no more comments at this time.
No more comments at this time.
No more comments at this time.
I have no further com-- I have no further com-- I have no further com-- how much if I do that when we How much if I do that when we How much if I do that when we go? Go? Go? on the air you're gonna do on the air you're gonna do on the air you're gonna do it? It? It? when we start going.
When the when we start going.
When the when we start going.
When the guy gives me the sign and we go.
Guy gives me the sign and we go.
Guy gives me the sign and we go.
How much if I do chicken talk? How much if I do chicken talk? How much if I do chicken talk? 10 bucks.
10 bucks.
10 bucks.
if I do chicken-- if I do chicken-- if I do chicken-- 10 bucks.
10 bucks.
10 bucks.
[clucking like a chicken.]
[clucking like a chicken.]
[clucking like a chicken.]
you do that live on the air.
you do that live on the air.
you do that live on the air.
[clucking like a chicken.]
[clucking like a chicken.]
[clucking like a chicken.]
man, people will be fucking man, people will be fucking man, people will be fucking stoned, turn that on Stoned, turn that on Stoned, turn that on well, what if the people well, what if the people well, what if the people turned it on and, like, "hey, Turned it on and, like, "hey, Turned it on and, like, "hey, is that--" Is that--" Is that--" that--he's doin' chicken that--he's doin' chicken that--he's doin' chicken talk, right? It's not just me.
Talk, right? It's not just me.
Talk, right? It's not just me.
I'm not gonna do it.
Ok, I'm not gonna do it.
Ok, I'm not gonna do it.
Ok, serious.
Here we go.
Serious.
Here we go.
Serious.
Here we go.
Man: We're already live, boys.
Man: We're already live, boys.
Man: We're already live, boys.
how long we been on? how long we been on? how long we been on? Man: The whole time.
Man: The whole time.
Man: The whole time.
oh, fuck.
oh, fuck.
oh, fuck.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a trick! hyah! I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
whoa! whoa! whoa! oh! Oh! [blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by the belt.
get back in the building! get back in the building! get back in the building! No loitering! aah! aah! aah! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
heyEverybody knows what heyEverybody knows what heyEverybody knows what today is.
Today is.
Today is.
cinco de mayo! cinco de mayo! cinco de mayo! no.
Kimball's been with us no.
Kimball's been with us no.
Kimball's been with us for a whole year.
For a whole year.
For a whole year.
[applause.]
[applause.]
[applause.]
one year on the force.
One year on the force.
One year on the force.
ho! ho! ho! whoo! whoo! whoo! Garcia: Speech.
Speech.
Garcia: Speech.
Speech.
Garcia: Speech.
Speech.
I'm a bitch.
I'm a bitch.
I'm a bitch.
All: Speech.
Speech.
Speech.
All: Speech.
Speech.
Speech.
All: Speech.
Speech.
Speech.
Wiegel: Speech.
Make it a short Wiegel: Speech.
Make it a short Wiegel: Speech.
Make it a short one.
One.
One.
I want to just say that, you I want to just say that, you I want to just say that, you know, I had my doubts from the Know, I had my doubts from the Know, I had my doubts from the beginning Beginning Beginning as did we.
as did we.
as did we.
about all of you.
But I-- about all of you.
But I-- about all of you.
But I-- junior: Speech, not a personal Junior: Speech, not a personal Junior: Speech, not a personal attack.
Attack.
Attack.
well, no.
I mean, it was a well, no.
I mean, it was a well, no.
I mean, it was a little rough.
I think we can all Little rough.
I think we can all Little rough.
I think we can all admit it was a little rough Admit it was a little rough Admit it was a little rough going in the beginning.
And all Going in the beginning.
And all Going in the beginning.
And all the practical jokes and the The practical jokes and the The practical jokes and the "dyke" sprayed on my lick "dyke" sprayed on my lick "dyke" sprayed on my lick her--on my locker Her--on my locker Her--on my locker on your what? on your what? on your what? on my locker.
on my locker.
on my locker.
you said dyke, and then you you said dyke, and then you you said dyke, and then you said lick her right next to each Said lick her right next to each Said lick her right next to each other.
Other.
Other.
I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to.
yes, you did.
yes, you did.
yes, you did.
I think you did.
I think you did.
I think you did.
no, I did not.
no, I did not.
no, I did not.
Johnson: Yes, you did.
Johnson: Yes, you did.
Johnson: Yes, you did.
all right, "dyke" and "lick all right, "dyke" and "lick all right, "dyke" and "lick her.
" Her.
" Her.
" dangle: Yeah.
Dangle: Yeah.
Dangle: Yeah.
I put "dyke" on your locker I put "dyke" on your locker I put "dyke" on your locker as a holiday gag.
As a holiday gag.
As a holiday gag.
Dangle: Ok, so, uh Dangle: Ok, so, uh Dangle: Ok, so, uh well, you're a real hero for well, you're a real hero for well, you're a real hero for putting up with us assholes.
Putting up with us assholes.
Putting up with us assholes.
Dangle: Yeah.
Congratulations.
Dangle: Yeah.
Congratulations.
Dangle: Yeah.
Congratulations.
Oh, your commendation medal is Oh, your commendation medal is Oh, your commendation medal is flying in Flying in Flying in Kimball: Well, thank you.
Kimball: Well, thank you.
Kimball: Well, thank you.
from planet I give a fuck.
got another 911 call about got another 911 call about got another 911 call about big mike.
One of the neighbors Big mike.
One of the neighbors Big mike.
One of the neighbors called.
Sheriff's department! Called.
Sheriff's department! Called.
Sheriff's department! Kimball: Oh, my lord.
Kimball: Oh, my lord.
Kimball: Oh, my lord.
oh, jesus christ.
Mike, what oh, jesus christ.
Mike, what oh, jesus christ.
Mike, what happened.
Mike? Mike? Happened.
Mike? Mike? Happened.
Mike? Mike? all right, mike, put that all right, mike, put that all right, mike, put that down.
Down.
Down.
Dangle: Easy.
Easy peasy Dangle: Easy.
Easy peasy Dangle: Easy.
Easy peasy japanesey.
Japanesey.
Japanesey.
I don't know if you want to I don't know if you want to I don't know if you want to touch that now, sir.
I think Touch that now, sir.
I think Touch that now, sir.
I think it's best we don't touch it.
It's best we don't touch it.
It's best we don't touch it.
Mike: I feel cold.
Mike: I feel cold.
Mike: I feel cold.
here we go.
Let's warm up here we go.
Let's warm up here we go.
Let's warm up mike.
We'll warm up mike.
Here Mike.
We'll warm up mike.
Here Mike.
We'll warm up mike.
Here we go.
We go.
We go.
I'm gonna give you just a I'm gonna give you just a I'm gonna give you just a little hug, ok? Little hug, ok? Little hug, ok? Mike: What's your name? Mike: What's your name? Mike: What's your name? my name is deputy kimball, my name is deputy kimball, my name is deputy kimball, and it's gonna be all right.
And it's gonna be all right.
And it's gonna be all right.
where they been hiding you? where they been hiding you? where they been hiding you? mike, ok, she's doing this mike, ok, she's doing this mike, ok, she's doing this just for warmth.
Just for warmth.
Just for warmth.
they've been hiding me far they've been hiding me far they've been hiding me far away from you because-- Away from you because-- Away from you because-- here, hug me.
Hug me for here, hug me.
Hug me for here, hug me.
Hug me for warmth.
Hug me for warmth.
Mike! Warmth.
Hug me for warmth.
Mike! Warmth.
Hug me for warmth.
Mike! Mike! Mike! Hug me for warmth, Mike! Mike! Hug me for warmth, Mike! Mike! Hug me for warmth, mike.
Mike.
Mike.
tell me the truth.
tell me the truth.
tell me the truth.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
there's a dart in my head.
there's a dart in my head.
there's a dart in my head.
mike, there's a dart in your mike, there's a dart in your mike, there's a dart in your head.
Head.
Head.
goddamn it.
goddamn it.
goddamn it.
it's in there pretty good.
it's in there pretty good.
it's in there pretty good.
I knew that fucker.
I knew that fucker.
I knew that fucker.
yeah.
Can you feel that? yeah.
Can you feel that? yeah.
Can you feel that? nope.
nope.
nope.
you can't feel it at all? you can't feel it at all? you can't feel it at all? can't feel a darn thing.
can't feel a darn thing.
can't feel a darn thing.
it's in there really, really it's in there really, really it's in there really, really good, ok? Good, ok? Good, ok? let me see.
let me see.
let me see.
Dangle: Gentle.
Gentle.
It's in Dangle: Gentle.
Gentle.
It's in Dangle: Gentle.
Gentle.
It's in there real good.
He seems fine There real good.
He seems fine There real good.
He seems fine to me.
I can't tell.
I don't see To me.
I can't tell.
I don't see To me.
I can't tell.
I don't see what the difference is.
What the difference is.
What the difference is.
well well well can you feel that at all? can you feel that at all? can you feel that at all? I can feel a slight numbing I can feel a slight numbing I can feel a slight numbing sensation.
Sensation.
Sensation.
you feel a slight numbing you feel a slight numbing you feel a slight numbing sensation? Sensation? Sensation? yeah, around in here.
yeah, around in here.
yeah, around in here.
sir.
Wiegel: Raineesha and I got Wiegel: Raineesha and I got Wiegel: Raineesha and I got assigned to stakeout duty, so Assigned to stakeout duty, so Assigned to stakeout duty, so we're staking out this guy We're staking out this guy We're staking out this guy hector.
He's a known drug Hector.
He's a known drug Hector.
He's a known drug dealer.
Dealer.
Dealer.
We're just sort of hanging out We're just sort of hanging out We're just sort of hanging out waiting for some sort of Waiting for some sort of Waiting for some sort of evidence to come along.
Evidence to come along.
Evidence to come along.
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
hector: Yeah? Hector: Yeah? Hector: Yeah? Woman: [breathy voice.]
hi, baby.
Woman: [breathy voice.]
hi, baby.
Woman: [breathy voice.]
hi, baby.
Wiegel: Hold on, he's getting Wiegel: Hold on, he's getting Wiegel: Hold on, he's getting another phone call.
Another phone call.
Another phone call.
Hector: Hey, sweetie.
What's Hector: Hey, sweetie.
What's Hector: Hey, sweetie.
What's goin' on? Goin' on? Goin' on? what are you wearing? what are you wearing? what are you wearing? Wiegel: Who's he calling? Wiegel: Who's he calling? Wiegel: Who's he calling? [woman laughs.]
[woman laughs.]
[woman laughs.]
hector: I'm wearing your smell.
Hector: I'm wearing your smell.
Hector: I'm wearing your smell.
Woman: Oh Woman: Oh Woman: Oh Hector: You know what you're Hector: You know what you're Hector: You know what you're like naked? Like naked? Like naked? Woman: What? Woman: What? Woman: What? Hector: You're like a night in Hector: You're like a night in Hector: You're like a night in cuba.
Cuba.
Cuba.
Woman: Really? Woman: Really? Woman: Really? Wiegel: Aww Wiegel: Aww Wiegel: Aww Hector: You have vines and stars Hector: You have vines and stars Hector: You have vines and stars in your hair.
In your hair.
In your hair.
Woman: You are so special to me.
Woman: You are so special to me.
Woman: You are so special to me.
No one's ever talked to me that No one's ever talked to me that No one's ever talked to me that way.
Way.
Way.
Hector: You gonna sit on me? Hector: You gonna sit on me? Hector: You gonna sit on me? Woman: I'm gonna sit on you, Woman: I'm gonna sit on you, Woman: I'm gonna sit on you, baby, so hard.
Yeah.
Baby, so hard.
Yeah.
Baby, so hard.
Yeah.
[hector chuckles.]
[hector chuckles.]
[hector chuckles.]
[doorbell rings.]
[doorbell rings.]
[doorbell rings.]
woman: Is someone at your door? Woman: Is someone at your door? Woman: Is someone at your door? Hector: Yeah.
You know what? I Hector: Yeah.
You know what? I Hector: Yeah.
You know what? I ordered a domino's.
Can I call Ordered a domino's.
Can I call Ordered a domino's.
Can I call you back? You back? You back? Woman: Yeah, baby, call me back.
Woman: Yeah, baby, call me back.
Woman: Yeah, baby, call me back.
Second woman: Hello? Second woman: Hello? Second woman: Hello? You leave me standing out there! You leave me standing out there! You leave me standing out there! Hector: No, I'm not leaving you Hector: No, I'm not leaving you Hector: No, I'm not leaving you standing.
You scared me.
You Standing.
You scared me.
You Standing.
You scared me.
You freaked me out.
Freaked me out.
Freaked me out.
Second woman: You should give me Second woman: You should give me Second woman: You should give me a key.
A key.
A key.
Hector: I'm not giving you-- Hector: I'm not giving you-- Hector: I'm not giving you-- where's the car? Where's the car? Where's the car? Woman: The car's fine.
Here's Woman: The car's fine.
Here's Woman: The car's fine.
Here's your tacos! Your tacos! Your tacos! hey, hey.
Hey, what'd I miss? hey, hey.
Hey, what'd I miss? hey, hey.
Hey, what'd I miss? grab a chair.
grab a chair.
grab a chair.
ok.
ok.
ok.
girl, all hell been breakin' girl, all hell been breakin' girl, all hell been breakin' loose.
Loose.
Loose.
he's--he's dating the one he's--he's dating the one he's--he's dating the one girl Girl Girl he got a baby mama.
he got a baby mama.
he got a baby mama.
now he's dating the other now he's dating the other now he's dating the other girl Girl Girl that's the pregnant one? that's the pregnant one? that's the pregnant one? this is the pregnant one.
this is the pregnant one.
this is the pregnant one.
Here, scooch up so you can see.
Here, scooch up so you can see.
Here, scooch up so you can see.
Hector: Wow, you're heavy.
Hector: Wow, you're heavy.
Hector: Wow, you're heavy.
Woman: Do you have any idea how Woman: Do you have any idea how Woman: Do you have any idea how uncomfortable I am? Very Uncomfortable I am? Very Uncomfortable I am? Very uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable.
Hector: How pretty.
You know Hector: How pretty.
You know Hector: How pretty.
You know what you look like? What you look like? What you look like? Woman: Who? Woman: Who? Woman: Who? Hector: You look like a night in Hector: You look like a night in Hector: You look like a night in cuba.
Cuba.
Cuba.
Woman: Ha ha ha.
What's that Woman: Ha ha ha.
What's that Woman: Ha ha ha.
What's that mean? Mean? Mean? wait a minute, that's what he wait a minute, that's what he wait a minute, that's what he said to that other girl.
"you Said to that other girl.
"you Said to that other girl.
"you look like a night in cuba.
" Look like a night in cuba.
" Look like a night in cuba.
" [telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
woman: You don't think I look Woman: You don't think I look Woman: You don't think I look fat? Fat? Fat? Hector: Hello? Hector: Hello? Hector: Hello? Woman on phone: Hey, baby.
I'm Woman on phone: Hey, baby.
I'm Woman on phone: Hey, baby.
I'm coming up around the corner.
Coming up around the corner.
Coming up around the corner.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Williams: It's about to go down Williams: It's about to go down Williams: It's about to go down now.
Now.
Now.
Hector: Do me a favor, ok? Hector: Do me a favor, ok? Hector: Do me a favor, ok? Go get me some imodium.
Go get me some imodium.
Go get me some imodium.
Woman: What?! Woman: What?! Woman: What?! Hector: Go get me-- Hector: Go get me-- Hector: Go get me-- woman: What?! I just got here.
I Woman: What?! I just got here.
I Woman: What?! I just got here.
I want to eat the tacos! Want to eat the tacos! Want to eat the tacos! she looks like she's no older she looks like she's no older she looks like she's no older than-- Than-- Than-- no, no.
Then see, he turns.
no, no.
Then see, he turns.
no, no.
Then see, he turns.
Then he turns again, and he gets Then he turns again, and he gets Then he turns again, and he gets all sweet.
And that's when you All sweet.
And that's when you All sweet.
And that's when you go, "oh, he's not that bad.
" Go, "oh, he's not that bad.
" Go, "oh, he's not that bad.
" woman: Cherry? Woman: Cherry? Woman: Cherry? Hector: Yeah.
Get me some toilet Hector: Yeah.
Get me some toilet Hector: Yeah.
Get me some toilet paper, too.
Paper, too.
Paper, too.
you know what? This is just you know what? This is just you know what? This is just like a man.
They reel you in, Like a man.
They reel you in, Like a man.
They reel you in, they give you a little sweet They give you a little sweet They give you a little sweet talk, and then they disappoint Talk, and then they disappoint Talk, and then they disappoint you.
You.
You.
Hector: Get me toilet paper and, Hector: Get me toilet paper and, Hector: Get me toilet paper and, uhGet me in touch magazine.
UhGet me in touch magazine.
UhGet me in touch magazine.
Woman: In touch magazine? Woman: In touch magazine? Woman: In touch magazine? Hector: Yeah.
Hector: Yeah.
Hector: Yeah.
Woman: Why do you want in touch? Woman: Why do you want in touch? Woman: Why do you want in touch? Hector: Because I want to know Hector: Because I want to know Hector: Because I want to know about kevin federline.
About kevin federline.
About kevin federline.
Woman: Ok.
you ever hear that joke about you ever hear that joke about you ever hear that joke about the chinese guy that came in and The chinese guy that came in and The chinese guy that came in and asked his wife for a 69? oh, and didn't she mistake it oh, and didn't she mistake it oh, and didn't she mistake it for a food order of some kind, For a food order of some kind, For a food order of some kind, like a restaurant order? Like a restaurant order? Like a restaurant order? Is that what happens? Is that what happens? Is that what happens? yeah, 'cause they got the yeah, 'cause they got the yeah, 'cause they got the menus.
Menus.
Menus.
yeah, yeah.
They got the yeah, yeah.
They got the yeah, yeah.
They got the menus with numbers, and she, Menus with numbers, and she, Menus with numbers, and she, yeah.
I'm sure it's funny.
Yeah.
I'm sure it's funny.
Yeah.
I'm sure it's funny.
I'm sure it's funny.
I'm sure it's funny.
I'm sure it's funny.
it's a real good joke.
it's a real good joke.
it's a real good joke.
you want to go back and tell you want to go back and tell you want to go back and tell it, and I'll act like I don't It, and I'll act like I don't It, and I'll act like I don't know where it's gonna go? Know where it's gonna go? Know where it's gonna go? no, 'cause you know.
It's, no, 'cause you know.
It's, no, 'cause you know.
It's, you know-- You know-- You know-- no, no.
Go ahead and tell it.
no, no.
Go ahead and tell it.
no, no.
Go ahead and tell it.
I'll act like-- I'll act like-- I'll act like-- now I feel like you're mad.
yeah.
Yeah.
yeah.
Yeah.
yeah.
Yeah.
Man: Is there a, uh, problem? Man: Is there a, uh, problem? Man: Is there a, uh, problem? well, sir, we've been getting well, sir, we've been getting well, sir, we've been getting reports from some of the women Reports from some of the women Reports from some of the women here you've been groping them in Here you've been groping them in the gorge back there.
The gorge back there.
The gorge back there.
Man: What's happening is there Man: What's happening is there Man: What's happening is there have been some bewitchments Have been some bewitchments Have been some bewitchments around here, and I was simply Around here, and I was simply Around here, and I was simply checking them for the devil's Checking them for the devil's Checking them for the devil's mark.
You know, the devil leaves Mark.
You know, the devil leaves Mark.
You know, the devil leaves an extra nipple to his acolytes An extra nipple to his acolytes An extra nipple to his acolytes once they take part in a black Once they take part in a black Once they take part in a black mass, and I was making sure that Mass, and I was making sure that Mass, and I was making sure that they didn't have an extra nipple They didn't have an extra nipple They didn't have an extra nipple around the breastal or crotchal Around the breastal or crotchal Around the breastal or crotchal area.
Area.
Area.
Jones: Come on, man, you have no Jones: Come on, man, you have no Jones: Come on, man, you have no argument.
You and your little Argument.
You and your little Argument.
You and your little geeky, spazzy, dweeby friends Geeky, spazzy, dweeby friends Geeky, spazzy, dweeby friends come out here every year and Come out here every year and Come out here every year and wear this shitty stupid--aaah! Wear this shitty stupid--aaah! Wear this shitty stupid--aaah! The damn thing was on my foot.
The damn thing was on my foot.
The damn thing was on my foot.
Dangle: Sheriff of nottingham's Dangle: Sheriff of nottingham's Dangle: Sheriff of nottingham's department.
Sheriff of nottingham's Sheriff of nottingham's Sheriff of nottingham's department.
What be-eth the Department.
What be-eth the Department.
What be-eth the problem? Problem? Problem? Man: This spaniard and nubian Man: This spaniard and nubian Man: This spaniard and nubian have come into our village and Have come into our village and Have come into our village and are preventing me from stopping Are preventing me from stopping Are preventing me from stopping a plague of satanic-- A plague of satanic-- A plague of satanic-- uh, jim? Jim, can I talk-- uh, jim? Jim, can I talk-- uh, jim? Jim, can I talk-- dangle: This spaniard and this Dangle: This spaniard and this Dangle: This spaniard and this hearty moor are beknownst to me.
Hearty moor are beknownst to me.
Hearty moor are beknownst to me.
They cometh from thousands of They cometh from thousands of They cometh from thousands of years in the future.
Years in the future.
Years in the future.
Man: And I don't recognize the Man: And I don't recognize the Man: And I don't recognize the bewitchment that brought them Bewitchment that brought them Bewitchment that brought them here.
Here.
Here.
Dangle: [quietly.]
guy? Dangle: [quietly.]
guy? Dangle: [quietly.]
guy? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
when we're at the ren faire, when we're at the ren faire, when we're at the ren faire, I'm--I'm ron merryquiver from I'm--I'm ron merryquiver from I'm--I'm ron merryquiver from the sheriff of nottingham's The sheriff of nottingham's The sheriff of nottingham's department.
Ok? So, like, Department.
Ok? So, like, Department.
Ok? So, like, respect that.
Fine! And yet, Respect that.
Fine! And yet, Respect that.
Fine! And yet, with your gropery, you have With your gropery, you have With your gropery, you have besmirched the good name of Besmirched the good name of Besmirched the good name of knights everywhere and verily Knights everywhere and verily Knights everywhere and verily arthur himself.
Arthur himself.
Arthur himself.
Man: I will honor his bailiwick.
Man: I will honor his bailiwick.
Man: I will honor his bailiwick.
Dangle: Into the stock with Dangle: Into the stock with Dangle: Into the stock with thee! Thee! Thee! Man: Um, I-- Man: Um, I-- Man: Um, I-- were you really groping were you really groping were you really groping girls, seriously? Girls, seriously? Girls, seriously? Man: Well-- Man: Well-- Man: Well-- 'cause you know, like, I'm 'cause you know, like, I'm 'cause you know, like, I'm really--when I'm not here, I'm Really--when I'm not here, I'm Really--when I'm not here, I'm really a cop for real.
Really a cop for real.
Really a cop for real.
Man: Oh.
Well, then I wasn't.
Man: Oh.
Well, then I wasn't.
Man: Oh.
Well, then I wasn't.
but you kinda were.
but you kinda were.
but you kinda were.
Man: Maybe.
Man: Maybe.
Man: Maybe.
fine.
Now let us throw our fine.
Now let us throw our fine.
Now let us throw our most rotten of vegetables at Most rotten of vegetables at Most rotten of vegetables at this specimen.
This specimen.
This specimen.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
dangle: Uh-oh.
Talk to me.
Dangle: Uh-oh.
Talk to me.
Dangle: Uh-oh.
Talk to me.
Junior: Scram, spam! Junior: Scram, spam! Junior: Scram, spam! All: Eww! All: Eww! All: Eww! Dangle: Today we're testing out Dangle: Today we're testing out Dangle: Today we're testing out the jaws of life here.
The jaws The jaws of life here.
The jaws The jaws of life here.
The jaws of life is a very important Of life is a very important Of life is a very important emergency personnel tool.
Emergency personnel tool.
Emergency personnel tool.
[all cheer.]
[all cheer.]
[all cheer.]
jones: Ooh, I'd like a nice cold Jones: Ooh, I'd like a nice cold Jones: Ooh, I'd like a nice cold one.
How 'bout a nice cold one? One.
How 'bout a nice cold one? One.
How 'bout a nice cold one? Junior: The classic struggle of Junior: The classic struggle of Junior: The classic struggle of man versus ketchup.
Man versus ketchup.
Man versus ketchup.
[all cheer.]
[all cheer.]
[all cheer.]
we have this little petty we have this little petty we have this little petty cash box, and honestly, uh, we Cash box, and honestly, uh, we Cash box, and honestly, uh, we forgot the combination, so Forgot the combination, so Forgot the combination, so Junior: Clear! Johnson: Ok, well, now we still Johnson: Ok, well, now we still Johnson: Ok, well, now we still can't get to the money, junior.
Can't get to the money, junior.
Can't get to the money, junior.
Kimball: What do we use this Kimball: What do we use this Kimball: What do we use this for again, like, for real? uh, so my ex-wife and her new uh, so my ex-wife and her new uh, so my ex-wife and her new hubby are having an anniversary Hubby are having an anniversary Hubby are having an anniversary party.
Party.
Party.
[rings doorbell.]
[rings doorbell.]
[rings doorbell.]
gonna be nothing but squares.
Gonna be nothing but squares.
Gonna be nothing but squares.
Woman: He's here.
Woman: He's here.
Woman: He's here.
hey, deb.
hey, deb.
hey, deb.
Deb: Hi.
Deb: Hi.
Deb: Hi.
ok.
Hey.
ok.
Hey.
ok.
Hey.
Deb: Hi.
Good to see you.
Deb: Hi.
Good to see you.
Deb: Hi.
Good to see you.
good to see you, too.
Good to good to see you, too.
Good to good to see you, too.
Good to see you, too.
See you, too.
See you, too.
there he is! there he is! there he is! Man: What? Man: What? Man: What? "what" is what he says.
"what" is what he says.
"what" is what he says.
come over here.
come over here.
come over here.
he says, "what.
" ha ha ha ha.
he says, "what.
" ha ha ha ha.
he says, "what.
" ha ha ha ha.
give it to me.
give it to me.
give it to me.
ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! how've you been? how've you been? how've you been? ah, somebody's been workin' ah, somebody's been workin' ah, somebody's been workin' out.
Out.
Out.
oh, yeah.
Sit down.
oh, yeah.
Sit down.
oh, yeah.
Sit down.
who's been bronzing? who's been bronzing? who's been bronzing? me! me! me! Deb: You look so great.
Deb: You look so great.
Deb: You look so great.
beautiful.
beautiful.
beautiful.
can you tell? can you tell? can you tell? a beautiful bronze god.
Bain a beautiful bronze god.
Bain a beautiful bronze god.
Bain de soleil for that st.
Tropez De soleil for that st.
Tropez De soleil for that st.
Tropez tan.
Tan.
Tan.
if there were any other if there were any other if there were any other ladies here, we'd have to make Ladies here, we'd have to make Ladies here, we'd have to make sure that theyDidn't attack Sure that theyDidn't attack Sure that theyDidn't attack you.
You.
You.
Dangle: Am I the first one? I'm Dangle: Am I the first one? I'm Dangle: Am I the first one? I'm the first one.
I'm the early The first one.
I'm the early The first one.
I'm the early bird, I guess.
Bird, I guess.
Bird, I guess.
Man: You're the one.
Man: You're the one.
Man: You're the one.
you're the one.
you're the one.
you're the one.
I'm the only guest.
I'm the only guest.
I'm the only guest.
you're the guest of honor.
you're the guest of honor.
you're the guest of honor.
I'm the guest of honor.
I'm the guest of honor.
I'm the guest of honor.
leslie insisted.
leslie insisted.
leslie insisted.
oh.
oh.
oh.
happy our anniversary.
happy our anniversary.
happy our anniversary.
isn't that sweet? Happy your isn't that sweet? Happy your isn't that sweet? Happy your anniversary, and I'm the only Anniversary, and I'm the only Anniversary, and I'm the only guest.
How Guest.
How Guest.
How it's--wellSo how've you it's--wellSo how've you it's--wellSo how've you been? Been? Been? fine.
Wonderfully fine.
fine.
Wonderfully fine.
fine.
Wonderfully fine.
How's your mom doing? my mom's dead.
"l-o-l, brenda14.
Christian "l-o-l, brenda14.
Christian "l-o-l, brenda14.
Christian bale is my number one q-t, too.
Bale is my number one q-t, too.
Bale is my number one q-t, too.
P-l-o-s.
" that means, "parents P-l-o-s.
" that means, "parents P-l-o-s.
" that means, "parents looking over my shoulder.
" so Looking over my shoulder.
" so Looking over my shoulder.
" so what we do here to sometimes What we do here to sometimes What we do here to sometimes sting these internet pedophile Sting these internet pedophile Sting these internet pedophile predators is we do, like, a Predators is we do, like, a Predators is we do, like, a stakeout.
We go to chat rooms, Stakeout.
We go to chat rooms, Stakeout.
We go to chat rooms, we pretend that we are one of We pretend that we are one of We pretend that we are one of the other teenage girls that go The other teenage girls that go The other teenage girls that go to these sites, and we just To these sites, and we just To these sites, and we just wait, lay in wait for these Wait, lay in wait for these Wait, lay in wait for these awful fellas to come and kind Awful fellas to come and kind Awful fellas to come and kind of make their move.
I got a Of make their move.
I got a Of make their move.
I got a character named t-tammy-wet-14.
Character named t-tammy-wet-14.
Character named t-tammy-wet-14.
Oh, here's our boy.
"hey, ray.
Oh, here's our boy.
"hey, ray.
Oh, here's our boy.
"hey, ray.
You're early today.
You get off You're early today.
You get off You're early today.
You get off early? Wink.
Dot, dot, dot.
J-k, Early? Wink.
Dot, dot, dot.
J-k, Early? Wink.
Dot, dot, dot.
J-k, smiley face.
Oh, you are at Smiley face.
Oh, you are at Smiley face.
Oh, you are at work.
You are bad.
N-I-f-o-c.
" Work.
You are bad.
N-I-f-o-c.
" Work.
You are bad.
N-I-f-o-c.
" "naked in front of the "naked in front of the "naked in front of the computer.
" "when do we f2f?" Computer.
" "when do we f2f?" Computer.
" "when do we f2f?" that means meet face to face.
"I That means meet face to face.
"I That means meet face to face.
"I don't even know your real name.
Don't even know your real name.
Don't even know your real name.
G-f?" ray fritzman? Freeze, ray! G-f?" ray fritzman? Freeze, ray! G-f?" ray fritzman? Freeze, ray! Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! whoa! Whoa! Whoa! whoa! Whoa! Whoa! whoa! Whoa! Whoa! you just stay right there, you just stay right there, you just stay right there, you son of a bitch.
6'2", my You son of a bitch.
6'2", my You son of a bitch.
6'2", my ass.
Somebody, go get him.
[knock on door.]
[knock on door.]
[knock on door.]
is that like a secret knock? is that like a secret knock? is that like a secret knock? come here, you sexy thing.
come here, you sexy thing.
come here, you sexy thing.
ew! He's got juice from the ew! He's got juice from the ew! He's got juice from the other pregnant lady on him! Other pregnant lady on him! Other pregnant lady on him! remember that movie I was remember that movie I was remember that movie I was telling you about? Telling you about? Telling you about? yes.
yes.
yes.
it's going.
it's going.
it's going.
do I get to play josephina? do I get to play josephina? do I get to play josephina? you can play whatever you you can play whatever you you can play whatever you want.
Remember, it's like an art Want.
Remember, it's like an art Want.
Remember, it's like an art film, it's like a drama film, Film, it's like a drama film, Film, it's like a drama film, but it's really mostly a porno But it's really mostly a porno But it's really mostly a porno movie.
Movie.
Movie.
right.
Right.
right.
Right.
right.
Right.
it's called misthair.
it's called misthair.
it's called misthair.
ew, like cirque du soleil.
ew, like cirque du soleil.
ew, like cirque du soleil.
no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Misthair.
It's like "mist," and Misthair.
It's like "mist," and Misthair.
It's like "mist," and "hair.
" "hair.
" "hair.
" so, are people hairy in it? so, are people hairy in it? so, are people hairy in it? one person.
one person.
one person.
she's a whore.
A whore.
she's a whore.
A whore.
she's a whore.
A whore.
she's a whore.
she's a whore.
she's a whore.
ok.
Let me bite that lip.
ok.
Let me bite that lip.
ok.
Let me bite that lip.
Remember? Mmm.
Mmm.
Remember? Mmm.
Mmm.
Remember? Mmm.
Mmm.
next thing you know, he's next thing you know, he's next thing you know, he's gonna want some pussy.
Gonna want some pussy.
Gonna want some pussy.
no.
No.
No.
He just told her no.
No.
No.
He just told her no.
No.
No.
He just told her to go take a shower.
To go take a shower.
To go take a shower.
it's all me.
It's all me.
it's all me.
It's all me.
it's all me.
It's all me.
Like, I can smell me on your Like, I can smell me on your Like, I can smell me on your coat.
Coat.
Coat.
ok.
ok.
ok.
she's probably so full of she's probably so full of she's probably so full of cum juice from other guys.
Cum juice from other guys.
Cum juice from other guys.
Williams: I am so pissed off.
Williams: I am so pissed off.
Williams: I am so pissed off.
I'm coming in.
I don't care I'm coming in.
I don't care I'm coming in.
I don't care if you say no.
If you say no.
If you say no.
[police officers gasp.]
[police officers gasp.]
[police officers gasp.]
williams: She's back! Williams: She's back! Williams: She's back! seriously, why should I have seriously, why should I have seriously, why should I have to knock? To knock? To knock? oh, my god! We gotta do oh, my god! We gotta do oh, my god! We gotta do something.
We gotta do-- Something.
We gotta do-- Something.
We gotta do-- she's in the shower! What if she's in the shower! What if she's in the shower! What if she finds out she's in the She finds out she's in the She finds out she's in the shower? Shower? Shower? I'm gonna call.
I'm gonna call.
I'm gonna call.
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
yo.
yo.
yo.
casanova, I need you to do me casanova, I need you to do me casanova, I need you to do me a favor.
I see you.
I need you A favor.
I see you.
I need you A favor.
I see you.
I need you to stand up and act very calm.
To stand up and act very calm.
To stand up and act very calm.
The reno sheriff's department The reno sheriff's department The reno sheriff's department has been peepin' out your whole Has been peepin' out your whole Has been peepin' out your whole game.
And let us tell you what Game.
And let us tell you what Game.
And let us tell you what you gonna do, all right? You You gonna do, all right? You You gonna do, all right? You gonna get rid of that skank Gonna get rid of that skank Gonna get rid of that skank whore.
You gonna ask your baby Whore.
You gonna ask your baby Whore.
You gonna ask your baby mama to do what? Marry you.
And Mama to do what? Marry you.
And Mama to do what? Marry you.
And if you don't do it right now, If you don't do it right now, If you don't do it right now, guess where you gonna spend the Guess where you gonna spend the Guess where you gonna spend the night? On your knees, too.
Night? On your knees, too.
Night? On your knees, too.
I wanna tell you something, I wanna tell you something, I wanna tell you something, ok? Ok? Ok? what? what? what? you complete me.
you complete me.
you complete me.
Williams: Yes! Williams: Yes! Williams: Yes! what the fuck are you what the fuck are you what the fuck are you talking about? Talking about? Talking about? Williams: Go, jerry maguire! Williams: Go, jerry maguire! Williams: Go, jerry maguire! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I just meant will you marry I just meant will you marry I just meant will you marry me? Me? Me? you wanna marry me? you wanna marry me? you wanna marry me? that's what I'm talkin' that's what I'm talkin' that's what I'm talkin' about.
About.
About.
you know why? Because you're you know why? Because you're you know why? Because you're like a night in cuba.
hi.
I'm from the reno hi.
I'm from the reno hi.
I'm from the reno sheriff's department with Sheriff's department with Sheriff's department with another quick quiz.
Do you know Another quick quiz.
Do you know Another quick quiz.
Do you know how to accurately calculate your How to accurately calculate your How to accurately calculate your blood alcohol level? It's Blood alcohol level? It's Blood alcohol level? It's simple.
Number of drinks Simple.
Number of drinks Simple.
Number of drinks multiplied by type of drinks.
Multiplied by type of drinks.
Multiplied by type of drinks.
For example, one american beer, For example, one american beer, For example, one american beer, is 5% times 1, 10% times 2, Is 5% times 1, 10% times 2, Is 5% times 1, 10% times 2, and 12% times 1.
This gives And 12% times 1.
This gives And 12% times 1.
This gives you your intoxication factor of You your intoxication factor of You your intoxication factor of the amount you weigh without The amount you weigh without The amount you weigh without shoes or a belt.
For every hour Shoes or a belt.
For every hour Shoes or a belt.
For every hour in which you've consumed one In which you've consumed one In which you've consumed one drink, subtract 5, and bingo, Drink, subtract 5, and bingo, Drink, subtract 5, and bingo, you know your blood alcohol You know your blood alcohol You know your blood alcohol level.
It's easy, especially Level.
It's easy, especially Level.
It's easy, especially when you consider that anything When you consider that anything When you consider that anything above 8/10 can get you 6 months.
thanks for coming to our thanks for coming to our thanks for coming to our party.
Party.
Party.
it's a swell party.
It's a it's a swell party.
It's a it's a swell party.
It's a swell party.
Swell party.
Swell party.
really, really nice.
really, really nice.
really, really nice.
the tchotchkes look good.
the tchotchkes look good.
the tchotchkes look good.
thank you.
Well, we were thank you.
Well, we were thank you.
Well, we were thinking--I was trying to get-- Thinking--I was trying to get-- Thinking--I was trying to get-- is that a new, uh is that a new, uh is that a new, uh lladro.
Mm-hmm.
lladro.
Mm-hmm.
lladro.
Mm-hmm.
I bought that one, the one I bought that one, the one I bought that one, the one where he's praying.
Where he's praying.
Where he's praying.
for a baby.
We've been for a baby.
We've been for a baby.
We've been really--we've been trying to get Really--we've been trying to get Really--we've been trying to get pregnant.
I mean, I've been Pregnant.
I mean, I've been Pregnant.
I mean, I've been trying to get you to get me Trying to get you to get me Trying to get you to get me pregnant.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
we're trying and trying.
the tchotchkes look good.
the tchotchkes look good.
the tchotchkes look good.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
a strawberry.
a strawberry.
a strawberry.
how's everything at the how's everything at the how's everything at the store? Store? Store? oh, it's good.
It's busy.
oh, it's good.
It's busy.
oh, it's good.
It's busy.
yeah? I haven't been in in yeah? I haven't been in in yeah? I haven't been in in almost Almost Almost I know, it's been a couple I know, it's been a couple I know, it's been a couple weeks.
Weeks.
Weeks.
well, a week and a half.
well, a week and a half.
well, a week and a half.
I'm saving that give me a I'm saving that give me a I'm saving that give me a break lunchbox for you.
Break lunchbox for you.
Break lunchbox for you.
oh, if I had that kind of oh, if I had that kind of oh, if I had that kind of bread.
If I win a scratch and Bread.
If I win a scratch and Bread.
If I win a scratch and win.
Win.
Win.
oh, scrapbook.
oh, scrapbook.
oh, scrapbook.
scrapbook! scrapbook! scrapbook! oh, ha ha ha! oh, ha ha ha! oh, ha ha ha! how about that? how about that? how about that? wow! wow! wow! lookie.
lookie.
lookie.
our wedding invitation.
our wedding invitation.
our wedding invitation.
it's our wedding invitation.
it's our wedding invitation.
it's our wedding invitation.
That was ours.
That was ours.
That was ours.
wow.
Look.
wow.
Look.
wow.
Look.
yup.
yup.
yup.
the optimism.
the optimism.
the optimism.
it is.
And you'll never walk it is.
And you'll never walk it is.
And you'll never walk alone.
I did for a while.
Alone.
I did for a while.
Alone.
I did for a while.
except you will.
except you will.
except you will.
yeah, you do sometimes.
yeah, you do sometimes.
yeah, you do sometimes.
oh, dear, dear.
oh, dear, dear.
oh, dear, dear.
wow.
wow.
wow.
oh, there I am.
oh, there I am.
oh, there I am.
honeymoon.
honeymoon.
honeymoon.
yeah, I was a good 350 then.
yeah, I was a good 350 then.
yeah, I was a good 350 then.
that was before the surgery.
that was before the surgery.
that was before the surgery.
yup, before the ol' stomach yup, before the ol' stomach yup, before the ol' stomach staples.
Staples.
Staples.
yeah, I was really--wow, I yeah, I was really--wow, I yeah, I was really--wow, I was really sweating.
It was hard Was really sweating.
It was hard Was really sweating.
It was hard to get up that mountain.
To get up that mountain.
To get up that mountain.
sweating? I thought you were sweating? I thought you were sweating? I thought you were at a water park.
At a water park.
At a water park.
no.
Nope.
no.
Nope.
no.
Nope.
I wasn't.
I wasn't.
I wasn't.
nope, that's, uh, canada.
nope, that's, uh, canada.
nope, that's, uh, canada.
Yup.
Young handsome buck and his Yup.
Young handsome buck and his Yup.
Young handsome buck and his morbidly obese wife dressed up Morbidly obese wife dressed up Morbidly obese wife dressed up like mounties.
Like mounties.
Like mounties.
I had a wonderful time.
I I had a wonderful time.
I I had a wonderful time.
I really did.
And it was great Really did.
And it was great Really did.
And it was great food, actually.
That's when I Food, actually.
That's when I Food, actually.
That's when I could eat whatever I wanted.
Could eat whatever I wanted.
Could eat whatever I wanted.
you want some great food? You you want some great food? You you want some great food? You can not top canada.
Can not top canada.
Can not top canada.
you can't.
No.
Mm-mmm.
you can't.
No.
Mm-mmm.
you can't.
No.
Mm-mmm.
I only know about their I only know about their I only know about their bacon.
Bacon.
Bacon.
well, this is creepy here.
In well, this is creepy here.
In well, this is creepy here.
In fact, maybe I'll set that over Fact, maybe I'll set that over Fact, maybe I'll set that over there.
First syllable.
How many There.
First syllable.
How many There.
First syllable.
How many syllables are there? Syllables are there? Syllables are there? yeah, start there.
yeah, start there.
yeah, start there.
3.
And the first of the 3 3.
And the first of the 3 3.
And the first of the 3 is Is Is yes, the first one.
Ok, yes, the first one.
Ok, yes, the first one.
Ok, here's the first one.
I'm in, Here's the first one.
I'm in, Here's the first one.
I'm in, like, a-- Like, a-- Like, a-- don't say it! You're talking! don't say it! You're talking! don't say it! You're talking! Don't talk! Don't talk! Don't talk! what's the point of the game what's the point of the game what's the point of the game if you talk? If you talk? If you talk? it was briga-fucking-doon! it was briga-fucking-doon! it was briga-fucking-doon! that's 5 syllables.
yeah, it's dangle.
I need a yeah, it's dangle.
I need a yeah, it's dangle.
I need a ride right away.
Hey, guys.
Ride right away.
Hey, guys.
Ride right away.
Hey, guys.
I think we should really get I think we should really get I think we should really get to what's really important here, To what's really important here, To what's really important here, and it's the dispersment of And it's the dispersment of And it's the dispersment of mom's ashes.
You get her heart, Mom's ashes.
You get her heart, Mom's ashes.
You get her heart, her head, and, um, well, pretty Her head, and, um, well, pretty Her head, and, um, well, pretty much her torso.
And I was given Much her torso.
And I was given Much her torso.
And I was given her, uh, knees down.
Her, uh, knees down.
Her, uh, knees down.
your mother put in her will your mother put in her will your mother put in her will that I was supposed to get 3 That I was supposed to get 3 That I was supposed to get 3 quarters of her ashes? Quarters of her ashes? Quarters of her ashes? yes.
yes.
yes.
[dangle sighs.]
[dangle sighs.]
[dangle sighs.]
we've been through our spots.
we've been through our spots.
we've been through our spots.
I think I lied to you sometimes, I think I lied to you sometimes, I think I lied to you sometimes, I think.
We lied to each other.
I think.
We lied to each other.
I think.
We lied to each other.
we lied to each other.
It's we lied to each other.
It's we lied to each other.
It's all right, baby.
All right, baby.
All right, baby.
and now I think you're lying, and now I think you're lying, and now I think you're lying, because I don't think this is 3 Because I don't think this is 3 Because I don't think this is 3 quarters of your mother's ashes.
Quarters of your mother's ashes.
Quarters of your mother's ashes.
Honestly, I don't.
Here, feel Honestly, I don't.
Here, feel Honestly, I don't.
Here, feel it.
It.
It.
well, feel it.
You-- well, feel it.
You-- well, feel it.
You-- you're saying this is 3 you're saying this is 3 you're saying this is 3 quarters of your mother? Quarters of your mother? Quarters of your mother? yes.
yes.
yes.
oh, bull-shit, deb.
oh, bull-shit, deb.
oh, bull-shit, deb.
Bull-shit! Bull-shit! Bull-shit! Bull-shit! Bull-shit! Bull-shit! this goes in my house.
This this goes in my house.
This this goes in my house.
This goes, clearly, in the trailer.
Goes, clearly, in the trailer.
Goes, clearly, in the trailer.
don't jew him on the ashes.
don't jew him on the ashes.
don't jew him on the ashes.
bull-shit, deb.
You're-- bull-shit, deb.
You're-- bull-shit, deb.
You're-- we talked about this.
we talked about this.
we talked about this.
I'm supposed to get jewed out I'm supposed to get jewed out I'm supposed to get jewed out of part of your mother? Of part of your mother? Of part of your mother? [doorbell rings.]
[doorbell rings.]
[doorbell rings.]
oh, hey.
oh, hey.
oh, hey.
oh! oh! oh! jim, we got that emergency.
jim, we got that emergency.
jim, we got that emergency.
I gotta go, apparently.
I gotta go, apparently.
I gotta go, apparently.
Great.
Great.
Great.
hey.
Delilah, how are you? hey.
Delilah, how are you? hey.
Delilah, how are you? it's deborah.
it's deborah.
it's deborah.
let's head out.
Yeah.
let's head out.
Yeah.
let's head out.
Yeah.
got some jugs there, huh? got some jugs there, huh? got some jugs there, huh? Hey! Leslie! Hey! Good to see Hey! Leslie! Hey! Good to see Hey! Leslie! Hey! Good to see you, buddy! How are ya? Give me You, buddy! How are ya? Give me You, buddy! How are ya? Give me some hugs there! I'd walk a mile Some hugs there! I'd walk a mile Some hugs there! I'd walk a mile for a hug and a smile.
For a hug and a smile.
For a hug and a smile.
oh! He rhymes.
I have some oh! He rhymes.
I have some oh! He rhymes.
I have some lladros behind the counter for Lladros behind the counter for Lladros behind the counter for you.
I'm not even putting them You.
I'm not even putting them You.
I'm not even putting them out on the shelves until you see Out on the shelves until you see Out on the shelves until you see them.
Them.
Them.
lladros.
Oh, he's gonna have lladros.
Oh, he's gonna have lladros.
Oh, he's gonna have to pay me before I can-- To pay me before I can-- To pay me before I can-- garcia comes in to buy garcia comes in to buy garcia comes in to buy curios? Curios? Curios? absolutely.
absolutely.
absolutely.
well, we got a--what do we well, we got a--what do we well, we got a--what do we got? Got? Got? yeah, we got-- yeah, we got-- yeah, we got-- a hostage or something.
a hostage or something.
a hostage or something.
we got a hostage.
we got a hostage.
we got a hostage.
real big emergency.
Thanks real big emergency.
Thanks real big emergency.
Thanks for your mother.
For your mother.
For your mother.
I'm looking forward to it.
I I'm looking forward to it.
I I'm looking forward to it.
I will give you some sugar.
Love Will give you some sugar.
Love Will give you some sugar.
Love you! You! You! love.
Get out of here.
love.
Get out of here.
love.
Get out of here.
all right, dana, you take all right, dana, you take all right, dana, you take care, now.
Care, now.
Care, now.
ok.
It's deborah.
ok.
It's deborah.
ok.
It's deborah.
Dangle: Emergency's probably-- Dangle: Emergency's probably-- Dangle: Emergency's probably-- garcia: Toodle-loo! Garcia: Toodle-loo! Garcia: Toodle-loo! bye.
bye.
bye.
Dangle: Garcia! Dangle: Garcia! Dangle: Garcia! ah, love that guy.
ah, love that guy.
ah, love that guy.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
mtv networks.]
hey, let's put on michael hey, let's put on michael hey, let's put on michael goulet, huh? Goulet, huh? Goulet, huh? love him.
love him.
love him.
I can't figure your hi-fi I can't figure your hi-fi I can't figure your hi-fi out.
Out.
Out.
can you help him with the can you help him with the can you help him with the hi-fi? Hi-fi? Hi-fi? come here, you big macho man.
come here, you big macho man.
come here, you big macho man.
yeah, you big macho men.
You yeah, you big macho men.
You yeah, you big macho men.
You two macho guys.
Two macho guys.
Two macho guys.
here's what you have to do.
here's what you have to do.
here's what you have to do.
Here, take it out.
There you go.
Here, take it out.
There you go.
Here, take it out.
There you go.
that made it come out.
Ok, that made it come out.
Ok, that made it come out.
Ok, now it's out.
So it's out, and I Now it's out.
So it's out, and I Now it's out.
So it's out, and I just take this.
Just take this.
Just take this.
you open this right here.
you open this right here.
you open this right here.
pop that open, and jam it in pop that open, and jam it in pop that open, and jam it in there.
There.
There.
jim, put that right there.
jim, put that right there.
jim, put that right there.
ok, and thenUh! ok, and thenUh! ok, and thenUh! there it is.
there it is.
there it is.
wait.
wait.
wait.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
Ok, there we go.
Department.
Department.
[dangle clucking like a chicken.]
[dangle clucking like a chicken.]
[dangle clucking like a chicken.]
the mayor of chickentown has the mayor of chickentown has the mayor of chickentown has no more comments at this time.
No more comments at this time.
No more comments at this time.
I have no further com-- I have no further com-- I have no further com-- how much if I do that when we How much if I do that when we How much if I do that when we go? Go? Go? on the air you're gonna do on the air you're gonna do on the air you're gonna do it? It? It? when we start going.
When the when we start going.
When the when we start going.
When the guy gives me the sign and we go.
Guy gives me the sign and we go.
Guy gives me the sign and we go.
How much if I do chicken talk? How much if I do chicken talk? How much if I do chicken talk? 10 bucks.
10 bucks.
10 bucks.
if I do chicken-- if I do chicken-- if I do chicken-- 10 bucks.
10 bucks.
10 bucks.
[clucking like a chicken.]
[clucking like a chicken.]
[clucking like a chicken.]
you do that live on the air.
you do that live on the air.
you do that live on the air.
[clucking like a chicken.]
[clucking like a chicken.]
[clucking like a chicken.]
man, people will be fucking man, people will be fucking man, people will be fucking stoned, turn that on Stoned, turn that on Stoned, turn that on well, what if the people well, what if the people well, what if the people turned it on and, like, "hey, Turned it on and, like, "hey, Turned it on and, like, "hey, is that--" Is that--" Is that--" that--he's doin' chicken that--he's doin' chicken that--he's doin' chicken talk, right? It's not just me.
Talk, right? It's not just me.
Talk, right? It's not just me.
I'm not gonna do it.
Ok, I'm not gonna do it.
Ok, I'm not gonna do it.
Ok, serious.
Here we go.
Serious.
Here we go.
Serious.
Here we go.
Man: We're already live, boys.
Man: We're already live, boys.
Man: We're already live, boys.
how long we been on? how long we been on? how long we been on? Man: The whole time.
Man: The whole time.
Man: The whole time.
oh, fuck.
oh, fuck.
oh, fuck.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a trick! hyah! I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
whoa! whoa! whoa! oh! Oh! [blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by the belt.
get back in the building! get back in the building! get back in the building! No loitering! aah! aah! aah! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
heyEverybody knows what heyEverybody knows what heyEverybody knows what today is.
Today is.
Today is.
cinco de mayo! cinco de mayo! cinco de mayo! no.
Kimball's been with us no.
Kimball's been with us no.
Kimball's been with us for a whole year.
For a whole year.
For a whole year.
[applause.]
[applause.]
[applause.]
one year on the force.
One year on the force.
One year on the force.
ho! ho! ho! whoo! whoo! whoo! Garcia: Speech.
Speech.
Garcia: Speech.
Speech.
Garcia: Speech.
Speech.
I'm a bitch.
I'm a bitch.
I'm a bitch.
All: Speech.
Speech.
Speech.
All: Speech.
Speech.
Speech.
All: Speech.
Speech.
Speech.
Wiegel: Speech.
Make it a short Wiegel: Speech.
Make it a short Wiegel: Speech.
Make it a short one.
One.
One.
I want to just say that, you I want to just say that, you I want to just say that, you know, I had my doubts from the Know, I had my doubts from the Know, I had my doubts from the beginning Beginning Beginning as did we.
as did we.
as did we.
about all of you.
But I-- about all of you.
But I-- about all of you.
But I-- junior: Speech, not a personal Junior: Speech, not a personal Junior: Speech, not a personal attack.
Attack.
Attack.
well, no.
I mean, it was a well, no.
I mean, it was a well, no.
I mean, it was a little rough.
I think we can all Little rough.
I think we can all Little rough.
I think we can all admit it was a little rough Admit it was a little rough Admit it was a little rough going in the beginning.
And all Going in the beginning.
And all Going in the beginning.
And all the practical jokes and the The practical jokes and the The practical jokes and the "dyke" sprayed on my lick "dyke" sprayed on my lick "dyke" sprayed on my lick her--on my locker Her--on my locker Her--on my locker on your what? on your what? on your what? on my locker.
on my locker.
on my locker.
you said dyke, and then you you said dyke, and then you you said dyke, and then you said lick her right next to each Said lick her right next to each Said lick her right next to each other.
Other.
Other.
I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to.
yes, you did.
yes, you did.
yes, you did.
I think you did.
I think you did.
I think you did.
no, I did not.
no, I did not.
no, I did not.
Johnson: Yes, you did.
Johnson: Yes, you did.
Johnson: Yes, you did.
all right, "dyke" and "lick all right, "dyke" and "lick all right, "dyke" and "lick her.
" Her.
" Her.
" dangle: Yeah.
Dangle: Yeah.
Dangle: Yeah.
I put "dyke" on your locker I put "dyke" on your locker I put "dyke" on your locker as a holiday gag.
As a holiday gag.
As a holiday gag.
Dangle: Ok, so, uh Dangle: Ok, so, uh Dangle: Ok, so, uh well, you're a real hero for well, you're a real hero for well, you're a real hero for putting up with us assholes.
Putting up with us assholes.
Putting up with us assholes.
Dangle: Yeah.
Congratulations.
Dangle: Yeah.
Congratulations.
Dangle: Yeah.
Congratulations.
Oh, your commendation medal is Oh, your commendation medal is Oh, your commendation medal is flying in Flying in Flying in Kimball: Well, thank you.
Kimball: Well, thank you.
Kimball: Well, thank you.
from planet I give a fuck.
got another 911 call about got another 911 call about got another 911 call about big mike.
One of the neighbors Big mike.
One of the neighbors Big mike.
One of the neighbors called.
Sheriff's department! Called.
Sheriff's department! Called.
Sheriff's department! Kimball: Oh, my lord.
Kimball: Oh, my lord.
Kimball: Oh, my lord.
oh, jesus christ.
Mike, what oh, jesus christ.
Mike, what oh, jesus christ.
Mike, what happened.
Mike? Mike? Happened.
Mike? Mike? Happened.
Mike? Mike? all right, mike, put that all right, mike, put that all right, mike, put that down.
Down.
Down.
Dangle: Easy.
Easy peasy Dangle: Easy.
Easy peasy Dangle: Easy.
Easy peasy japanesey.
Japanesey.
Japanesey.
I don't know if you want to I don't know if you want to I don't know if you want to touch that now, sir.
I think Touch that now, sir.
I think Touch that now, sir.
I think it's best we don't touch it.
It's best we don't touch it.
It's best we don't touch it.
Mike: I feel cold.
Mike: I feel cold.
Mike: I feel cold.
here we go.
Let's warm up here we go.
Let's warm up here we go.
Let's warm up mike.
We'll warm up mike.
Here Mike.
We'll warm up mike.
Here Mike.
We'll warm up mike.
Here we go.
We go.
We go.
I'm gonna give you just a I'm gonna give you just a I'm gonna give you just a little hug, ok? Little hug, ok? Little hug, ok? Mike: What's your name? Mike: What's your name? Mike: What's your name? my name is deputy kimball, my name is deputy kimball, my name is deputy kimball, and it's gonna be all right.
And it's gonna be all right.
And it's gonna be all right.
where they been hiding you? where they been hiding you? where they been hiding you? mike, ok, she's doing this mike, ok, she's doing this mike, ok, she's doing this just for warmth.
Just for warmth.
Just for warmth.
they've been hiding me far they've been hiding me far they've been hiding me far away from you because-- Away from you because-- Away from you because-- here, hug me.
Hug me for here, hug me.
Hug me for here, hug me.
Hug me for warmth.
Hug me for warmth.
Mike! Warmth.
Hug me for warmth.
Mike! Warmth.
Hug me for warmth.
Mike! Mike! Mike! Hug me for warmth, Mike! Mike! Hug me for warmth, Mike! Mike! Hug me for warmth, mike.
Mike.
Mike.
tell me the truth.
tell me the truth.
tell me the truth.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
there's a dart in my head.
there's a dart in my head.
there's a dart in my head.
mike, there's a dart in your mike, there's a dart in your mike, there's a dart in your head.
Head.
Head.
goddamn it.
goddamn it.
goddamn it.
it's in there pretty good.
it's in there pretty good.
it's in there pretty good.
I knew that fucker.
I knew that fucker.
I knew that fucker.
yeah.
Can you feel that? yeah.
Can you feel that? yeah.
Can you feel that? nope.
nope.
nope.
you can't feel it at all? you can't feel it at all? you can't feel it at all? can't feel a darn thing.
can't feel a darn thing.
can't feel a darn thing.
it's in there really, really it's in there really, really it's in there really, really good, ok? Good, ok? Good, ok? let me see.
let me see.
let me see.
Dangle: Gentle.
Gentle.
It's in Dangle: Gentle.
Gentle.
It's in Dangle: Gentle.
Gentle.
It's in there real good.
He seems fine There real good.
He seems fine There real good.
He seems fine to me.
I can't tell.
I don't see To me.
I can't tell.
I don't see To me.
I can't tell.
I don't see what the difference is.
What the difference is.
What the difference is.
well well well can you feel that at all? can you feel that at all? can you feel that at all? I can feel a slight numbing I can feel a slight numbing I can feel a slight numbing sensation.
Sensation.
Sensation.
you feel a slight numbing you feel a slight numbing you feel a slight numbing sensation? Sensation? Sensation? yeah, around in here.
yeah, around in here.
yeah, around in here.
sir.
Wiegel: Raineesha and I got Wiegel: Raineesha and I got Wiegel: Raineesha and I got assigned to stakeout duty, so Assigned to stakeout duty, so Assigned to stakeout duty, so we're staking out this guy We're staking out this guy We're staking out this guy hector.
He's a known drug Hector.
He's a known drug Hector.
He's a known drug dealer.
Dealer.
Dealer.
We're just sort of hanging out We're just sort of hanging out We're just sort of hanging out waiting for some sort of Waiting for some sort of Waiting for some sort of evidence to come along.
Evidence to come along.
Evidence to come along.
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
hector: Yeah? Hector: Yeah? Hector: Yeah? Woman: [breathy voice.]
hi, baby.
Woman: [breathy voice.]
hi, baby.
Woman: [breathy voice.]
hi, baby.
Wiegel: Hold on, he's getting Wiegel: Hold on, he's getting Wiegel: Hold on, he's getting another phone call.
Another phone call.
Another phone call.
Hector: Hey, sweetie.
What's Hector: Hey, sweetie.
What's Hector: Hey, sweetie.
What's goin' on? Goin' on? Goin' on? what are you wearing? what are you wearing? what are you wearing? Wiegel: Who's he calling? Wiegel: Who's he calling? Wiegel: Who's he calling? [woman laughs.]
[woman laughs.]
[woman laughs.]
hector: I'm wearing your smell.
Hector: I'm wearing your smell.
Hector: I'm wearing your smell.
Woman: Oh Woman: Oh Woman: Oh Hector: You know what you're Hector: You know what you're Hector: You know what you're like naked? Like naked? Like naked? Woman: What? Woman: What? Woman: What? Hector: You're like a night in Hector: You're like a night in Hector: You're like a night in cuba.
Cuba.
Cuba.
Woman: Really? Woman: Really? Woman: Really? Wiegel: Aww Wiegel: Aww Wiegel: Aww Hector: You have vines and stars Hector: You have vines and stars Hector: You have vines and stars in your hair.
In your hair.
In your hair.
Woman: You are so special to me.
Woman: You are so special to me.
Woman: You are so special to me.
No one's ever talked to me that No one's ever talked to me that No one's ever talked to me that way.
Way.
Way.
Hector: You gonna sit on me? Hector: You gonna sit on me? Hector: You gonna sit on me? Woman: I'm gonna sit on you, Woman: I'm gonna sit on you, Woman: I'm gonna sit on you, baby, so hard.
Yeah.
Baby, so hard.
Yeah.
Baby, so hard.
Yeah.
[hector chuckles.]
[hector chuckles.]
[hector chuckles.]
[doorbell rings.]
[doorbell rings.]
[doorbell rings.]
woman: Is someone at your door? Woman: Is someone at your door? Woman: Is someone at your door? Hector: Yeah.
You know what? I Hector: Yeah.
You know what? I Hector: Yeah.
You know what? I ordered a domino's.
Can I call Ordered a domino's.
Can I call Ordered a domino's.
Can I call you back? You back? You back? Woman: Yeah, baby, call me back.
Woman: Yeah, baby, call me back.
Woman: Yeah, baby, call me back.
Second woman: Hello? Second woman: Hello? Second woman: Hello? You leave me standing out there! You leave me standing out there! You leave me standing out there! Hector: No, I'm not leaving you Hector: No, I'm not leaving you Hector: No, I'm not leaving you standing.
You scared me.
You Standing.
You scared me.
You Standing.
You scared me.
You freaked me out.
Freaked me out.
Freaked me out.
Second woman: You should give me Second woman: You should give me Second woman: You should give me a key.
A key.
A key.
Hector: I'm not giving you-- Hector: I'm not giving you-- Hector: I'm not giving you-- where's the car? Where's the car? Where's the car? Woman: The car's fine.
Here's Woman: The car's fine.
Here's Woman: The car's fine.
Here's your tacos! Your tacos! Your tacos! hey, hey.
Hey, what'd I miss? hey, hey.
Hey, what'd I miss? hey, hey.
Hey, what'd I miss? grab a chair.
grab a chair.
grab a chair.
ok.
ok.
ok.
girl, all hell been breakin' girl, all hell been breakin' girl, all hell been breakin' loose.
Loose.
Loose.
he's--he's dating the one he's--he's dating the one he's--he's dating the one girl Girl Girl he got a baby mama.
he got a baby mama.
he got a baby mama.
now he's dating the other now he's dating the other now he's dating the other girl Girl Girl that's the pregnant one? that's the pregnant one? that's the pregnant one? this is the pregnant one.
this is the pregnant one.
this is the pregnant one.
Here, scooch up so you can see.
Here, scooch up so you can see.
Here, scooch up so you can see.
Hector: Wow, you're heavy.
Hector: Wow, you're heavy.
Hector: Wow, you're heavy.
Woman: Do you have any idea how Woman: Do you have any idea how Woman: Do you have any idea how uncomfortable I am? Very Uncomfortable I am? Very Uncomfortable I am? Very uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable.
Hector: How pretty.
You know Hector: How pretty.
You know Hector: How pretty.
You know what you look like? What you look like? What you look like? Woman: Who? Woman: Who? Woman: Who? Hector: You look like a night in Hector: You look like a night in Hector: You look like a night in cuba.
Cuba.
Cuba.
Woman: Ha ha ha.
What's that Woman: Ha ha ha.
What's that Woman: Ha ha ha.
What's that mean? Mean? Mean? wait a minute, that's what he wait a minute, that's what he wait a minute, that's what he said to that other girl.
"you Said to that other girl.
"you Said to that other girl.
"you look like a night in cuba.
" Look like a night in cuba.
" Look like a night in cuba.
" [telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
woman: You don't think I look Woman: You don't think I look Woman: You don't think I look fat? Fat? Fat? Hector: Hello? Hector: Hello? Hector: Hello? Woman on phone: Hey, baby.
I'm Woman on phone: Hey, baby.
I'm Woman on phone: Hey, baby.
I'm coming up around the corner.
Coming up around the corner.
Coming up around the corner.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Wiegel: Oh, my god.
Williams: It's about to go down Williams: It's about to go down Williams: It's about to go down now.
Now.
Now.
Hector: Do me a favor, ok? Hector: Do me a favor, ok? Hector: Do me a favor, ok? Go get me some imodium.
Go get me some imodium.
Go get me some imodium.
Woman: What?! Woman: What?! Woman: What?! Hector: Go get me-- Hector: Go get me-- Hector: Go get me-- woman: What?! I just got here.
I Woman: What?! I just got here.
I Woman: What?! I just got here.
I want to eat the tacos! Want to eat the tacos! Want to eat the tacos! she looks like she's no older she looks like she's no older she looks like she's no older than-- Than-- Than-- no, no.
Then see, he turns.
no, no.
Then see, he turns.
no, no.
Then see, he turns.
Then he turns again, and he gets Then he turns again, and he gets Then he turns again, and he gets all sweet.
And that's when you All sweet.
And that's when you All sweet.
And that's when you go, "oh, he's not that bad.
" Go, "oh, he's not that bad.
" Go, "oh, he's not that bad.
" woman: Cherry? Woman: Cherry? Woman: Cherry? Hector: Yeah.
Get me some toilet Hector: Yeah.
Get me some toilet Hector: Yeah.
Get me some toilet paper, too.
Paper, too.
Paper, too.
you know what? This is just you know what? This is just you know what? This is just like a man.
They reel you in, Like a man.
They reel you in, Like a man.
They reel you in, they give you a little sweet They give you a little sweet They give you a little sweet talk, and then they disappoint Talk, and then they disappoint Talk, and then they disappoint you.
You.
You.
Hector: Get me toilet paper and, Hector: Get me toilet paper and, Hector: Get me toilet paper and, uhGet me in touch magazine.
UhGet me in touch magazine.
UhGet me in touch magazine.
Woman: In touch magazine? Woman: In touch magazine? Woman: In touch magazine? Hector: Yeah.
Hector: Yeah.
Hector: Yeah.
Woman: Why do you want in touch? Woman: Why do you want in touch? Woman: Why do you want in touch? Hector: Because I want to know Hector: Because I want to know Hector: Because I want to know about kevin federline.
About kevin federline.
About kevin federline.
Woman: Ok.
you ever hear that joke about you ever hear that joke about you ever hear that joke about the chinese guy that came in and The chinese guy that came in and The chinese guy that came in and asked his wife for a 69? oh, and didn't she mistake it oh, and didn't she mistake it oh, and didn't she mistake it for a food order of some kind, For a food order of some kind, For a food order of some kind, like a restaurant order? Like a restaurant order? Like a restaurant order? Is that what happens? Is that what happens? Is that what happens? yeah, 'cause they got the yeah, 'cause they got the yeah, 'cause they got the menus.
Menus.
Menus.
yeah, yeah.
They got the yeah, yeah.
They got the yeah, yeah.
They got the menus with numbers, and she, Menus with numbers, and she, Menus with numbers, and she, yeah.
I'm sure it's funny.
Yeah.
I'm sure it's funny.
Yeah.
I'm sure it's funny.
I'm sure it's funny.
I'm sure it's funny.
I'm sure it's funny.
it's a real good joke.
it's a real good joke.
it's a real good joke.
you want to go back and tell you want to go back and tell you want to go back and tell it, and I'll act like I don't It, and I'll act like I don't It, and I'll act like I don't know where it's gonna go? Know where it's gonna go? Know where it's gonna go? no, 'cause you know.
It's, no, 'cause you know.
It's, no, 'cause you know.
It's, you know-- You know-- You know-- no, no.
Go ahead and tell it.
no, no.
Go ahead and tell it.
no, no.
Go ahead and tell it.
I'll act like-- I'll act like-- I'll act like-- now I feel like you're mad.
yeah.
Yeah.
yeah.
Yeah.
yeah.
Yeah.
Man: Is there a, uh, problem? Man: Is there a, uh, problem? Man: Is there a, uh, problem? well, sir, we've been getting well, sir, we've been getting well, sir, we've been getting reports from some of the women Reports from some of the women Reports from some of the women here you've been groping them in Here you've been groping them in the gorge back there.
The gorge back there.
The gorge back there.
Man: What's happening is there Man: What's happening is there Man: What's happening is there have been some bewitchments Have been some bewitchments Have been some bewitchments around here, and I was simply Around here, and I was simply Around here, and I was simply checking them for the devil's Checking them for the devil's Checking them for the devil's mark.
You know, the devil leaves Mark.
You know, the devil leaves Mark.
You know, the devil leaves an extra nipple to his acolytes An extra nipple to his acolytes An extra nipple to his acolytes once they take part in a black Once they take part in a black Once they take part in a black mass, and I was making sure that Mass, and I was making sure that Mass, and I was making sure that they didn't have an extra nipple They didn't have an extra nipple They didn't have an extra nipple around the breastal or crotchal Around the breastal or crotchal Around the breastal or crotchal area.
Area.
Area.
Jones: Come on, man, you have no Jones: Come on, man, you have no Jones: Come on, man, you have no argument.
You and your little Argument.
You and your little Argument.
You and your little geeky, spazzy, dweeby friends Geeky, spazzy, dweeby friends Geeky, spazzy, dweeby friends come out here every year and Come out here every year and Come out here every year and wear this shitty stupid--aaah! Wear this shitty stupid--aaah! Wear this shitty stupid--aaah! The damn thing was on my foot.
The damn thing was on my foot.
The damn thing was on my foot.
Dangle: Sheriff of nottingham's Dangle: Sheriff of nottingham's Dangle: Sheriff of nottingham's department.
Sheriff of nottingham's Sheriff of nottingham's Sheriff of nottingham's department.
What be-eth the Department.
What be-eth the Department.
What be-eth the problem? Problem? Problem? Man: This spaniard and nubian Man: This spaniard and nubian Man: This spaniard and nubian have come into our village and Have come into our village and Have come into our village and are preventing me from stopping Are preventing me from stopping Are preventing me from stopping a plague of satanic-- A plague of satanic-- A plague of satanic-- uh, jim? Jim, can I talk-- uh, jim? Jim, can I talk-- uh, jim? Jim, can I talk-- dangle: This spaniard and this Dangle: This spaniard and this Dangle: This spaniard and this hearty moor are beknownst to me.
Hearty moor are beknownst to me.
Hearty moor are beknownst to me.
They cometh from thousands of They cometh from thousands of They cometh from thousands of years in the future.
Years in the future.
Years in the future.
Man: And I don't recognize the Man: And I don't recognize the Man: And I don't recognize the bewitchment that brought them Bewitchment that brought them Bewitchment that brought them here.
Here.
Here.
Dangle: [quietly.]
guy? Dangle: [quietly.]
guy? Dangle: [quietly.]
guy? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
when we're at the ren faire, when we're at the ren faire, when we're at the ren faire, I'm--I'm ron merryquiver from I'm--I'm ron merryquiver from I'm--I'm ron merryquiver from the sheriff of nottingham's The sheriff of nottingham's The sheriff of nottingham's department.
Ok? So, like, Department.
Ok? So, like, Department.
Ok? So, like, respect that.
Fine! And yet, Respect that.
Fine! And yet, Respect that.
Fine! And yet, with your gropery, you have With your gropery, you have With your gropery, you have besmirched the good name of Besmirched the good name of Besmirched the good name of knights everywhere and verily Knights everywhere and verily Knights everywhere and verily arthur himself.
Arthur himself.
Arthur himself.
Man: I will honor his bailiwick.
Man: I will honor his bailiwick.
Man: I will honor his bailiwick.
Dangle: Into the stock with Dangle: Into the stock with Dangle: Into the stock with thee! Thee! Thee! Man: Um, I-- Man: Um, I-- Man: Um, I-- were you really groping were you really groping were you really groping girls, seriously? Girls, seriously? Girls, seriously? Man: Well-- Man: Well-- Man: Well-- 'cause you know, like, I'm 'cause you know, like, I'm 'cause you know, like, I'm really--when I'm not here, I'm Really--when I'm not here, I'm Really--when I'm not here, I'm really a cop for real.
Really a cop for real.
Really a cop for real.
Man: Oh.
Well, then I wasn't.
Man: Oh.
Well, then I wasn't.
Man: Oh.
Well, then I wasn't.
but you kinda were.
but you kinda were.
but you kinda were.
Man: Maybe.
Man: Maybe.
Man: Maybe.
fine.
Now let us throw our fine.
Now let us throw our fine.
Now let us throw our most rotten of vegetables at Most rotten of vegetables at Most rotten of vegetables at this specimen.
This specimen.
This specimen.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
dangle: Uh-oh.
Talk to me.
Dangle: Uh-oh.
Talk to me.
Dangle: Uh-oh.
Talk to me.
Junior: Scram, spam! Junior: Scram, spam! Junior: Scram, spam! All: Eww! All: Eww! All: Eww! Dangle: Today we're testing out Dangle: Today we're testing out Dangle: Today we're testing out the jaws of life here.
The jaws The jaws of life here.
The jaws The jaws of life here.
The jaws of life is a very important Of life is a very important Of life is a very important emergency personnel tool.
Emergency personnel tool.
Emergency personnel tool.
[all cheer.]
[all cheer.]
[all cheer.]
jones: Ooh, I'd like a nice cold Jones: Ooh, I'd like a nice cold Jones: Ooh, I'd like a nice cold one.
How 'bout a nice cold one? One.
How 'bout a nice cold one? One.
How 'bout a nice cold one? Junior: The classic struggle of Junior: The classic struggle of Junior: The classic struggle of man versus ketchup.
Man versus ketchup.
Man versus ketchup.
[all cheer.]
[all cheer.]
[all cheer.]
we have this little petty we have this little petty we have this little petty cash box, and honestly, uh, we Cash box, and honestly, uh, we Cash box, and honestly, uh, we forgot the combination, so Forgot the combination, so Forgot the combination, so Junior: Clear! Johnson: Ok, well, now we still Johnson: Ok, well, now we still Johnson: Ok, well, now we still can't get to the money, junior.
Can't get to the money, junior.
Can't get to the money, junior.
Kimball: What do we use this Kimball: What do we use this Kimball: What do we use this for again, like, for real? uh, so my ex-wife and her new uh, so my ex-wife and her new uh, so my ex-wife and her new hubby are having an anniversary Hubby are having an anniversary Hubby are having an anniversary party.
Party.
Party.
[rings doorbell.]
[rings doorbell.]
[rings doorbell.]
gonna be nothing but squares.
Gonna be nothing but squares.
Gonna be nothing but squares.
Woman: He's here.
Woman: He's here.
Woman: He's here.
hey, deb.
hey, deb.
hey, deb.
Deb: Hi.
Deb: Hi.
Deb: Hi.
ok.
Hey.
ok.
Hey.
ok.
Hey.
Deb: Hi.
Good to see you.
Deb: Hi.
Good to see you.
Deb: Hi.
Good to see you.
good to see you, too.
Good to good to see you, too.
Good to good to see you, too.
Good to see you, too.
See you, too.
See you, too.
there he is! there he is! there he is! Man: What? Man: What? Man: What? "what" is what he says.
"what" is what he says.
"what" is what he says.
come over here.
come over here.
come over here.
he says, "what.
" ha ha ha ha.
he says, "what.
" ha ha ha ha.
he says, "what.
" ha ha ha ha.
give it to me.
give it to me.
give it to me.
ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! how've you been? how've you been? how've you been? ah, somebody's been workin' ah, somebody's been workin' ah, somebody's been workin' out.
Out.
Out.
oh, yeah.
Sit down.
oh, yeah.
Sit down.
oh, yeah.
Sit down.
who's been bronzing? who's been bronzing? who's been bronzing? me! me! me! Deb: You look so great.
Deb: You look so great.
Deb: You look so great.
beautiful.
beautiful.
beautiful.
can you tell? can you tell? can you tell? a beautiful bronze god.
Bain a beautiful bronze god.
Bain a beautiful bronze god.
Bain de soleil for that st.
Tropez De soleil for that st.
Tropez De soleil for that st.
Tropez tan.
Tan.
Tan.
if there were any other if there were any other if there were any other ladies here, we'd have to make Ladies here, we'd have to make Ladies here, we'd have to make sure that theyDidn't attack Sure that theyDidn't attack Sure that theyDidn't attack you.
You.
You.
Dangle: Am I the first one? I'm Dangle: Am I the first one? I'm Dangle: Am I the first one? I'm the first one.
I'm the early The first one.
I'm the early The first one.
I'm the early bird, I guess.
Bird, I guess.
Bird, I guess.
Man: You're the one.
Man: You're the one.
Man: You're the one.
you're the one.
you're the one.
you're the one.
I'm the only guest.
I'm the only guest.
I'm the only guest.
you're the guest of honor.
you're the guest of honor.
you're the guest of honor.
I'm the guest of honor.
I'm the guest of honor.
I'm the guest of honor.
leslie insisted.
leslie insisted.
leslie insisted.
oh.
oh.
oh.
happy our anniversary.
happy our anniversary.
happy our anniversary.
isn't that sweet? Happy your isn't that sweet? Happy your isn't that sweet? Happy your anniversary, and I'm the only Anniversary, and I'm the only Anniversary, and I'm the only guest.
How Guest.
How Guest.
How it's--wellSo how've you it's--wellSo how've you it's--wellSo how've you been? Been? Been? fine.
Wonderfully fine.
fine.
Wonderfully fine.
fine.
Wonderfully fine.
How's your mom doing? my mom's dead.
"l-o-l, brenda14.
Christian "l-o-l, brenda14.
Christian "l-o-l, brenda14.
Christian bale is my number one q-t, too.
Bale is my number one q-t, too.
Bale is my number one q-t, too.
P-l-o-s.
" that means, "parents P-l-o-s.
" that means, "parents P-l-o-s.
" that means, "parents looking over my shoulder.
" so Looking over my shoulder.
" so Looking over my shoulder.
" so what we do here to sometimes What we do here to sometimes What we do here to sometimes sting these internet pedophile Sting these internet pedophile Sting these internet pedophile predators is we do, like, a Predators is we do, like, a Predators is we do, like, a stakeout.
We go to chat rooms, Stakeout.
We go to chat rooms, Stakeout.
We go to chat rooms, we pretend that we are one of We pretend that we are one of We pretend that we are one of the other teenage girls that go The other teenage girls that go The other teenage girls that go to these sites, and we just To these sites, and we just To these sites, and we just wait, lay in wait for these Wait, lay in wait for these Wait, lay in wait for these awful fellas to come and kind Awful fellas to come and kind Awful fellas to come and kind of make their move.
I got a Of make their move.
I got a Of make their move.
I got a character named t-tammy-wet-14.
Character named t-tammy-wet-14.
Character named t-tammy-wet-14.
Oh, here's our boy.
"hey, ray.
Oh, here's our boy.
"hey, ray.
Oh, here's our boy.
"hey, ray.
You're early today.
You get off You're early today.
You get off You're early today.
You get off early? Wink.
Dot, dot, dot.
J-k, Early? Wink.
Dot, dot, dot.
J-k, Early? Wink.
Dot, dot, dot.
J-k, smiley face.
Oh, you are at Smiley face.
Oh, you are at Smiley face.
Oh, you are at work.
You are bad.
N-I-f-o-c.
" Work.
You are bad.
N-I-f-o-c.
" Work.
You are bad.
N-I-f-o-c.
" "naked in front of the "naked in front of the "naked in front of the computer.
" "when do we f2f?" Computer.
" "when do we f2f?" Computer.
" "when do we f2f?" that means meet face to face.
"I That means meet face to face.
"I That means meet face to face.
"I don't even know your real name.
Don't even know your real name.
Don't even know your real name.
G-f?" ray fritzman? Freeze, ray! G-f?" ray fritzman? Freeze, ray! G-f?" ray fritzman? Freeze, ray! Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! whoa! Whoa! Whoa! whoa! Whoa! Whoa! whoa! Whoa! Whoa! you just stay right there, you just stay right there, you just stay right there, you son of a bitch.
6'2", my You son of a bitch.
6'2", my You son of a bitch.
6'2", my ass.
Somebody, go get him.
[knock on door.]
[knock on door.]
[knock on door.]
is that like a secret knock? is that like a secret knock? is that like a secret knock? come here, you sexy thing.
come here, you sexy thing.
come here, you sexy thing.
ew! He's got juice from the ew! He's got juice from the ew! He's got juice from the other pregnant lady on him! Other pregnant lady on him! Other pregnant lady on him! remember that movie I was remember that movie I was remember that movie I was telling you about? Telling you about? Telling you about? yes.
yes.
yes.
it's going.
it's going.
it's going.
do I get to play josephina? do I get to play josephina? do I get to play josephina? you can play whatever you you can play whatever you you can play whatever you want.
Remember, it's like an art Want.
Remember, it's like an art Want.
Remember, it's like an art film, it's like a drama film, Film, it's like a drama film, Film, it's like a drama film, but it's really mostly a porno But it's really mostly a porno But it's really mostly a porno movie.
Movie.
Movie.
right.
Right.
right.
Right.
right.
Right.
it's called misthair.
it's called misthair.
it's called misthair.
ew, like cirque du soleil.
ew, like cirque du soleil.
ew, like cirque du soleil.
no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Misthair.
It's like "mist," and Misthair.
It's like "mist," and Misthair.
It's like "mist," and "hair.
" "hair.
" "hair.
" so, are people hairy in it? so, are people hairy in it? so, are people hairy in it? one person.
one person.
one person.
she's a whore.
A whore.
she's a whore.
A whore.
she's a whore.
A whore.
she's a whore.
she's a whore.
she's a whore.
ok.
Let me bite that lip.
ok.
Let me bite that lip.
ok.
Let me bite that lip.
Remember? Mmm.
Mmm.
Remember? Mmm.
Mmm.
Remember? Mmm.
Mmm.
next thing you know, he's next thing you know, he's next thing you know, he's gonna want some pussy.
Gonna want some pussy.
Gonna want some pussy.
no.
No.
No.
He just told her no.
No.
No.
He just told her no.
No.
No.
He just told her to go take a shower.
To go take a shower.
To go take a shower.
it's all me.
It's all me.
it's all me.
It's all me.
it's all me.
It's all me.
Like, I can smell me on your Like, I can smell me on your Like, I can smell me on your coat.
Coat.
Coat.
ok.
ok.
ok.
she's probably so full of she's probably so full of she's probably so full of cum juice from other guys.
Cum juice from other guys.
Cum juice from other guys.
Williams: I am so pissed off.
Williams: I am so pissed off.
Williams: I am so pissed off.
I'm coming in.
I don't care I'm coming in.
I don't care I'm coming in.
I don't care if you say no.
If you say no.
If you say no.
[police officers gasp.]
[police officers gasp.]
[police officers gasp.]
williams: She's back! Williams: She's back! Williams: She's back! seriously, why should I have seriously, why should I have seriously, why should I have to knock? To knock? To knock? oh, my god! We gotta do oh, my god! We gotta do oh, my god! We gotta do something.
We gotta do-- Something.
We gotta do-- Something.
We gotta do-- she's in the shower! What if she's in the shower! What if she's in the shower! What if she finds out she's in the She finds out she's in the She finds out she's in the shower? Shower? Shower? I'm gonna call.
I'm gonna call.
I'm gonna call.
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
[telephone rings.]
yo.
yo.
yo.
casanova, I need you to do me casanova, I need you to do me casanova, I need you to do me a favor.
I see you.
I need you A favor.
I see you.
I need you A favor.
I see you.
I need you to stand up and act very calm.
To stand up and act very calm.
To stand up and act very calm.
The reno sheriff's department The reno sheriff's department The reno sheriff's department has been peepin' out your whole Has been peepin' out your whole Has been peepin' out your whole game.
And let us tell you what Game.
And let us tell you what Game.
And let us tell you what you gonna do, all right? You You gonna do, all right? You You gonna do, all right? You gonna get rid of that skank Gonna get rid of that skank Gonna get rid of that skank whore.
You gonna ask your baby Whore.
You gonna ask your baby Whore.
You gonna ask your baby mama to do what? Marry you.
And Mama to do what? Marry you.
And Mama to do what? Marry you.
And if you don't do it right now, If you don't do it right now, If you don't do it right now, guess where you gonna spend the Guess where you gonna spend the Guess where you gonna spend the night? On your knees, too.
Night? On your knees, too.
Night? On your knees, too.
I wanna tell you something, I wanna tell you something, I wanna tell you something, ok? Ok? Ok? what? what? what? you complete me.
you complete me.
you complete me.
Williams: Yes! Williams: Yes! Williams: Yes! what the fuck are you what the fuck are you what the fuck are you talking about? Talking about? Talking about? Williams: Go, jerry maguire! Williams: Go, jerry maguire! Williams: Go, jerry maguire! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I just meant will you marry I just meant will you marry I just meant will you marry me? Me? Me? you wanna marry me? you wanna marry me? you wanna marry me? that's what I'm talkin' that's what I'm talkin' that's what I'm talkin' about.
About.
About.
you know why? Because you're you know why? Because you're you know why? Because you're like a night in cuba.
hi.
I'm from the reno hi.
I'm from the reno hi.
I'm from the reno sheriff's department with Sheriff's department with Sheriff's department with another quick quiz.
Do you know Another quick quiz.
Do you know Another quick quiz.
Do you know how to accurately calculate your How to accurately calculate your How to accurately calculate your blood alcohol level? It's Blood alcohol level? It's Blood alcohol level? It's simple.
Number of drinks Simple.
Number of drinks Simple.
Number of drinks multiplied by type of drinks.
Multiplied by type of drinks.
Multiplied by type of drinks.
For example, one american beer, For example, one american beer, For example, one american beer, is 5% times 1, 10% times 2, Is 5% times 1, 10% times 2, Is 5% times 1, 10% times 2, and 12% times 1.
This gives And 12% times 1.
This gives And 12% times 1.
This gives you your intoxication factor of You your intoxication factor of You your intoxication factor of the amount you weigh without The amount you weigh without The amount you weigh without shoes or a belt.
For every hour Shoes or a belt.
For every hour Shoes or a belt.
For every hour in which you've consumed one In which you've consumed one In which you've consumed one drink, subtract 5, and bingo, Drink, subtract 5, and bingo, Drink, subtract 5, and bingo, you know your blood alcohol You know your blood alcohol You know your blood alcohol level.
It's easy, especially Level.
It's easy, especially Level.
It's easy, especially when you consider that anything When you consider that anything When you consider that anything above 8/10 can get you 6 months.
thanks for coming to our thanks for coming to our thanks for coming to our party.
Party.
Party.
it's a swell party.
It's a it's a swell party.
It's a it's a swell party.
It's a swell party.
Swell party.
Swell party.
really, really nice.
really, really nice.
really, really nice.
the tchotchkes look good.
the tchotchkes look good.
the tchotchkes look good.
thank you.
Well, we were thank you.
Well, we were thank you.
Well, we were thinking--I was trying to get-- Thinking--I was trying to get-- Thinking--I was trying to get-- is that a new, uh is that a new, uh is that a new, uh lladro.
Mm-hmm.
lladro.
Mm-hmm.
lladro.
Mm-hmm.
I bought that one, the one I bought that one, the one I bought that one, the one where he's praying.
Where he's praying.
Where he's praying.
for a baby.
We've been for a baby.
We've been for a baby.
We've been really--we've been trying to get Really--we've been trying to get Really--we've been trying to get pregnant.
I mean, I've been Pregnant.
I mean, I've been Pregnant.
I mean, I've been trying to get you to get me Trying to get you to get me Trying to get you to get me pregnant.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
we're trying and trying.
the tchotchkes look good.
the tchotchkes look good.
the tchotchkes look good.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
a strawberry.
a strawberry.
a strawberry.
how's everything at the how's everything at the how's everything at the store? Store? Store? oh, it's good.
It's busy.
oh, it's good.
It's busy.
oh, it's good.
It's busy.
yeah? I haven't been in in yeah? I haven't been in in yeah? I haven't been in in almost Almost Almost I know, it's been a couple I know, it's been a couple I know, it's been a couple weeks.
Weeks.
Weeks.
well, a week and a half.
well, a week and a half.
well, a week and a half.
I'm saving that give me a I'm saving that give me a I'm saving that give me a break lunchbox for you.
Break lunchbox for you.
Break lunchbox for you.
oh, if I had that kind of oh, if I had that kind of oh, if I had that kind of bread.
If I win a scratch and Bread.
If I win a scratch and Bread.
If I win a scratch and win.
Win.
Win.
oh, scrapbook.
oh, scrapbook.
oh, scrapbook.
scrapbook! scrapbook! scrapbook! oh, ha ha ha! oh, ha ha ha! oh, ha ha ha! how about that? how about that? how about that? wow! wow! wow! lookie.
lookie.
lookie.
our wedding invitation.
our wedding invitation.
our wedding invitation.
it's our wedding invitation.
it's our wedding invitation.
it's our wedding invitation.
That was ours.
That was ours.
That was ours.
wow.
Look.
wow.
Look.
wow.
Look.
yup.
yup.
yup.
the optimism.
the optimism.
the optimism.
it is.
And you'll never walk it is.
And you'll never walk it is.
And you'll never walk alone.
I did for a while.
Alone.
I did for a while.
Alone.
I did for a while.
except you will.
except you will.
except you will.
yeah, you do sometimes.
yeah, you do sometimes.
yeah, you do sometimes.
oh, dear, dear.
oh, dear, dear.
oh, dear, dear.
wow.
wow.
wow.
oh, there I am.
oh, there I am.
oh, there I am.
honeymoon.
honeymoon.
honeymoon.
yeah, I was a good 350 then.
yeah, I was a good 350 then.
yeah, I was a good 350 then.
that was before the surgery.
that was before the surgery.
that was before the surgery.
yup, before the ol' stomach yup, before the ol' stomach yup, before the ol' stomach staples.
Staples.
Staples.
yeah, I was really--wow, I yeah, I was really--wow, I yeah, I was really--wow, I was really sweating.
It was hard Was really sweating.
It was hard Was really sweating.
It was hard to get up that mountain.
To get up that mountain.
To get up that mountain.
sweating? I thought you were sweating? I thought you were sweating? I thought you were at a water park.
At a water park.
At a water park.
no.
Nope.
no.
Nope.
no.
Nope.
I wasn't.
I wasn't.
I wasn't.
nope, that's, uh, canada.
nope, that's, uh, canada.
nope, that's, uh, canada.
Yup.
Young handsome buck and his Yup.
Young handsome buck and his Yup.
Young handsome buck and his morbidly obese wife dressed up Morbidly obese wife dressed up Morbidly obese wife dressed up like mounties.
Like mounties.
Like mounties.
I had a wonderful time.
I I had a wonderful time.
I I had a wonderful time.
I really did.
And it was great Really did.
And it was great Really did.
And it was great food, actually.
That's when I Food, actually.
That's when I Food, actually.
That's when I could eat whatever I wanted.
Could eat whatever I wanted.
Could eat whatever I wanted.
you want some great food? You you want some great food? You you want some great food? You can not top canada.
Can not top canada.
Can not top canada.
you can't.
No.
Mm-mmm.
you can't.
No.
Mm-mmm.
you can't.
No.
Mm-mmm.
I only know about their I only know about their I only know about their bacon.
Bacon.
Bacon.
well, this is creepy here.
In well, this is creepy here.
In well, this is creepy here.
In fact, maybe I'll set that over Fact, maybe I'll set that over Fact, maybe I'll set that over there.
First syllable.
How many There.
First syllable.
How many There.
First syllable.
How many syllables are there? Syllables are there? Syllables are there? yeah, start there.
yeah, start there.
yeah, start there.
3.
And the first of the 3 3.
And the first of the 3 3.
And the first of the 3 is Is Is yes, the first one.
Ok, yes, the first one.
Ok, yes, the first one.
Ok, here's the first one.
I'm in, Here's the first one.
I'm in, Here's the first one.
I'm in, like, a-- Like, a-- Like, a-- don't say it! You're talking! don't say it! You're talking! don't say it! You're talking! Don't talk! Don't talk! Don't talk! what's the point of the game what's the point of the game what's the point of the game if you talk? If you talk? If you talk? it was briga-fucking-doon! it was briga-fucking-doon! it was briga-fucking-doon! that's 5 syllables.
yeah, it's dangle.
I need a yeah, it's dangle.
I need a yeah, it's dangle.
I need a ride right away.
Hey, guys.
Ride right away.
Hey, guys.
Ride right away.
Hey, guys.
I think we should really get I think we should really get I think we should really get to what's really important here, To what's really important here, To what's really important here, and it's the dispersment of And it's the dispersment of And it's the dispersment of mom's ashes.
You get her heart, Mom's ashes.
You get her heart, Mom's ashes.
You get her heart, her head, and, um, well, pretty Her head, and, um, well, pretty Her head, and, um, well, pretty much her torso.
And I was given Much her torso.
And I was given Much her torso.
And I was given her, uh, knees down.
Her, uh, knees down.
Her, uh, knees down.
your mother put in her will your mother put in her will your mother put in her will that I was supposed to get 3 That I was supposed to get 3 That I was supposed to get 3 quarters of her ashes? Quarters of her ashes? Quarters of her ashes? yes.
yes.
yes.
[dangle sighs.]
[dangle sighs.]
[dangle sighs.]
we've been through our spots.
we've been through our spots.
we've been through our spots.
I think I lied to you sometimes, I think I lied to you sometimes, I think I lied to you sometimes, I think.
We lied to each other.
I think.
We lied to each other.
I think.
We lied to each other.
we lied to each other.
It's we lied to each other.
It's we lied to each other.
It's all right, baby.
All right, baby.
All right, baby.
and now I think you're lying, and now I think you're lying, and now I think you're lying, because I don't think this is 3 Because I don't think this is 3 Because I don't think this is 3 quarters of your mother's ashes.
Quarters of your mother's ashes.
Quarters of your mother's ashes.
Honestly, I don't.
Here, feel Honestly, I don't.
Here, feel Honestly, I don't.
Here, feel it.
It.
It.
well, feel it.
You-- well, feel it.
You-- well, feel it.
You-- you're saying this is 3 you're saying this is 3 you're saying this is 3 quarters of your mother? Quarters of your mother? Quarters of your mother? yes.
yes.
yes.
oh, bull-shit, deb.
oh, bull-shit, deb.
oh, bull-shit, deb.
Bull-shit! Bull-shit! Bull-shit! Bull-shit! Bull-shit! Bull-shit! this goes in my house.
This this goes in my house.
This this goes in my house.
This goes, clearly, in the trailer.
Goes, clearly, in the trailer.
Goes, clearly, in the trailer.
don't jew him on the ashes.
don't jew him on the ashes.
don't jew him on the ashes.
bull-shit, deb.
You're-- bull-shit, deb.
You're-- bull-shit, deb.
You're-- we talked about this.
we talked about this.
we talked about this.
I'm supposed to get jewed out I'm supposed to get jewed out I'm supposed to get jewed out of part of your mother? Of part of your mother? Of part of your mother? [doorbell rings.]
[doorbell rings.]
[doorbell rings.]
oh, hey.
oh, hey.
oh, hey.
oh! oh! oh! jim, we got that emergency.
jim, we got that emergency.
jim, we got that emergency.
I gotta go, apparently.
I gotta go, apparently.
I gotta go, apparently.
Great.
Great.
Great.
hey.
Delilah, how are you? hey.
Delilah, how are you? hey.
Delilah, how are you? it's deborah.
it's deborah.
it's deborah.
let's head out.
Yeah.
let's head out.
Yeah.
let's head out.
Yeah.
got some jugs there, huh? got some jugs there, huh? got some jugs there, huh? Hey! Leslie! Hey! Good to see Hey! Leslie! Hey! Good to see Hey! Leslie! Hey! Good to see you, buddy! How are ya? Give me You, buddy! How are ya? Give me You, buddy! How are ya? Give me some hugs there! I'd walk a mile Some hugs there! I'd walk a mile Some hugs there! I'd walk a mile for a hug and a smile.
For a hug and a smile.
For a hug and a smile.
oh! He rhymes.
I have some oh! He rhymes.
I have some oh! He rhymes.
I have some lladros behind the counter for Lladros behind the counter for Lladros behind the counter for you.
I'm not even putting them You.
I'm not even putting them You.
I'm not even putting them out on the shelves until you see Out on the shelves until you see Out on the shelves until you see them.
Them.
Them.
lladros.
Oh, he's gonna have lladros.
Oh, he's gonna have lladros.
Oh, he's gonna have to pay me before I can-- To pay me before I can-- To pay me before I can-- garcia comes in to buy garcia comes in to buy garcia comes in to buy curios? Curios? Curios? absolutely.
absolutely.
absolutely.
well, we got a--what do we well, we got a--what do we well, we got a--what do we got? Got? Got? yeah, we got-- yeah, we got-- yeah, we got-- a hostage or something.
a hostage or something.
a hostage or something.
we got a hostage.
we got a hostage.
we got a hostage.
real big emergency.
Thanks real big emergency.
Thanks real big emergency.
Thanks for your mother.
For your mother.
For your mother.
I'm looking forward to it.
I I'm looking forward to it.
I I'm looking forward to it.
I will give you some sugar.
Love Will give you some sugar.
Love Will give you some sugar.
Love you! You! You! love.
Get out of here.
love.
Get out of here.
love.
Get out of here.
all right, dana, you take all right, dana, you take all right, dana, you take care, now.
Care, now.
Care, now.
ok.
It's deborah.
ok.
It's deborah.
ok.
It's deborah.
Dangle: Emergency's probably-- Dangle: Emergency's probably-- Dangle: Emergency's probably-- garcia: Toodle-loo! Garcia: Toodle-loo! Garcia: Toodle-loo! bye.
bye.
bye.
Dangle: Garcia! Dangle: Garcia! Dangle: Garcia! ah, love that guy.
ah, love that guy.
ah, love that guy.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
happy anniversary.
mtv networks.]
hey, let's put on michael hey, let's put on michael hey, let's put on michael goulet, huh? Goulet, huh? Goulet, huh? love him.
love him.
love him.
I can't figure your hi-fi I can't figure your hi-fi I can't figure your hi-fi out.
Out.
Out.
can you help him with the can you help him with the can you help him with the hi-fi? Hi-fi? Hi-fi? come here, you big macho man.
come here, you big macho man.
come here, you big macho man.
yeah, you big macho men.
You yeah, you big macho men.
You yeah, you big macho men.
You two macho guys.
Two macho guys.
Two macho guys.
here's what you have to do.
here's what you have to do.
here's what you have to do.
Here, take it out.
There you go.
Here, take it out.
There you go.
Here, take it out.
There you go.
that made it come out.
Ok, that made it come out.
Ok, that made it come out.
Ok, now it's out.
So it's out, and I Now it's out.
So it's out, and I Now it's out.
So it's out, and I just take this.
Just take this.
Just take this.
you open this right here.
you open this right here.
you open this right here.
pop that open, and jam it in pop that open, and jam it in pop that open, and jam it in there.
There.
There.
jim, put that right there.
jim, put that right there.
jim, put that right there.
ok, and thenUh! ok, and thenUh! ok, and thenUh! there it is.
there it is.
there it is.
wait.
wait.
wait.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
Ok, there we go.