Scorpion (2014) s04e13 Episode Script
The Bunker Games
1 WALTER: Previously on Scorpion It's Quincy Berkstead.
The man who stole your fiancée? QUINCY: You're the reason Amy left you.
The only person you blame is me.
WALTER: We're married? PAIGE: So, tell me more about this dream.
There's nothing to tell.
The best part was getting to meet you.
CABE: I got my own exercise regimen.
I'm not doing this.
Like hell you're not.
Homeland stated specifically, "All agents "returning to the field after extended medical absence, "sabbatical, or other leave must pass the federal physical fitness standards.
" Director Carson is saying your suspension falls under "other leave.
" You have to take the test.
Carson's just mad 'cause I beat him in court.
You fail, you get desk duty.
Which means you can't be Scorpion's liaison.
Good news is, my workout works.
We do resistance running with parachutes and sled training There's no way I can pass that test.
It was originally designed for recruits coming out of college.
And that's who will take your job.
It's unbelievable.
You dedicate your whole life to your work-- blood, sweat, and tears.
And then one day, younger people with less experience come in and take over.
Not going to let that happen.
Go grab your gym clothes, okay? We've got work to do.
WALTER: I'm sure you'll do great, Paige.
You're smart and very organized.
Thank you, sweetie.
Uh, don't thank me.
Thank the Walteration One.
I don't even want to know.
I created an artificial intelligence device programmed with over a billion possible stimuli responses in preparation for today's doomsday bunker inspection.
I don't like those things.
Creepy.
SYLVESTER: It's progress.
I mentioned that we were almost out of Fruity Moons, and the Walteration ordered a new box online without even asking.
CABE: And that's the problem.
Nobody does anything for themselves anymore.
Nobody can spell because of spell-check, can't remember a phone number because of the speed dial.
Mark my words, someday it's gonna be Rise of the Machines.
And who's that gonna be good for? Robots are the future.
Anyway, we got to go.
Bunker's not close.
Happy and Toby better be back from their honeymoon soon.
Actually, just Happy.
Oh, right.
How did Toby take the news about the job? Why are you asking me? You handle our EQ issues.
And it's gonna be emotional for Toby.
You know, falls within your job description, not mine.
TOBY: What'll be emotional for Toby? Oh.
Hey, guys.
How was your honeymoon? That's a nice diversion attempt.
What's going on? Nothing.
Nothing major.
We just have that bunker inspection for SafeCorp Survival.
Right.
The doomsday guys.
SafeCorp Survival.
Founded in 2004.
A survival preparation company specializing in post-apocalyptic housing.
I don't even want to know.
Seems SafeCorp wants their AI checked and their coding screened and their facial recognition software tested.
TOBY: Yeah, probably want their system analyzed by the world's most qualified behaviorist so that people don't go cuckoo for Armageddon Puffs while spending five years underground.
Right? Well, yes and no.
I'm out of here.
WALTER: It appears SafeCorp has their own in-house behaviorist, so they asked that you not come along.
I'm-I'm so I'm so sorry.
My-my hearing must be going, because I thought that you just said that they don't want to hire a Harvard-trained behaviorist 'cause they got some rink-a-dink shrink.
No, your hearing's fine.
Well, who is this quack? They didn't say.
It's not important.
They're-they're the client.
It's their call.
This is really great.
(door opens) Just when I thought I couldn't feel any lower.
Hello, everyone.
Are we leaving soon to inspect the bunker? She gets to go? They wanted a-a chemist to inspect their water filtration system.
But it's gonna be fine.
Cabe and I are gonna stay back and exercise.
You can join us.
TOBY: Oh, that's great.
I-I get lumped in with you two.
You know, no offense, but I have a 178 IQ! Incorrect.
Toby Curtis's IQ is 170, the lowest on Team Scorpion.
Hey.
You okay? How would you feel if you were told you weren't wanted on a case? That's not it.
You said you couldn't feel any lower.
Folks returning from their honeymoon usually have a little more spring in their step.
Uh, we got a flat on the way to Mexico, and Happy insisted on fixing it.
And then our, um, ocean view could only be seen while standing on a chair in the bathtub.
And then when I complained to the manager, he wouldn't budge.
And to top it all off, despite me checking every available weather forecast, it rained the entire time.
So, I failed on every front.
But that's romantic.
Newlyweds, stuck in a room, rain pouring down.
What? Toby, my only job here on Scorpion is to help you guys.
You need to trust me.
Um (quietly): After all that happened, uh, my confidence was at zero.
So when the baby-making show was supposed to commence I couldn't raise the curtain.
Oh.
Well, that I mean, that happens.
It's no big deal.
When you're trying to get pregnant, it's a pretty big deal.
You know better than anyone it's-it's probably all mental.
You just need to get your mojo back.
Yeah, well, nothing makes you feel manly like being told to stay behind while Florence the Pixie takes your place.
Did you mean "Florence and the Machine"? Or the "Pixies"? Both are successful indie rock bands.
Seems like something's wrong here.
That's what Happy said.
Huh? Toby is just upset that Florence is coming along when he isn't.
Well, I can check the filtration systems.
Florence doesn't need to come.
No, she has more chemistry expertise than you.
Besides, she needs the work.
Boosts our fee.
Win-win.
I just think it's unfair to Toby to bring in an outsider.
An outsider? She saved your life.
I thought you were okay with her now.
I am, but Good! Then everything's settled.
That's also what Happy said.
What are you talking about? No, never mind me.
What's up with lying to Paige? I read deception all over you.
And you could normally care less whether I find something unfair or not.
I need your professional opinion about a dream I had.
Did it involve leaving me behind in the garage? (quietly): No.
It involved Florence and I kissing in the garage.
I dreamt we were married.
Yowza.
Wow.
Oh, that's why you don't want her coming along.
You feel guilty about your perverted dream, huh? It wasn't perverse.
It happened when I was unconscious from falling down the stairs.
Mm-hmm.
Toby, I Th I thought I loved Paige.
You can relax.
The fact that you feel so guilty proves that you do love her.
Look, your dream is just a function of biology, you know? You're unconscious, but the olfactory and auditory centers of your brain continue to provide stimuli.
You know? Florence found you, and she yelled at you to wake up, right? So, you heard her-- she winds up in your dream.
But my wife? Kissing me? She was trying to keep you alive, right? She was caring for you.
So your subconscious made her someone that fits that role, a spouse.
You did nothing wrong.
Thank you.
(chuckles softly) That's helpful.
Yeah.
Well, try to get whatever behaviorist SafeCorp hired to do that.
So, can I come along? No.
You know what, go ahead.
I really don't give a crap.
Laxatives are sold in nine markets and pharmacies within a three-mile radius.
Shut up.
Should I put in one of those comms like you guys always wear? Not today.
Bunker has shielding that renders them useless.
Hello, Team Scorpion.
Quincy Berkstead? What are you doing here? FLORENCE: Isn't he the pop psychologist that sells books in supermarkets? By the millions.
SYLVESTER: You are the behaviorist that SafeCorp hired? Not hired.
I received equity in the company in exchange for my work in human dynamics, customizing the bunker so people can live in it for years while keeping their sanity.
Speaking of which, I am about to lose mine.
Walt, I am not working with this jerk.
Why do you guys hate him? He married Toby's ex-girlfriend.
Stole Toby's ex-fiancée.
He's a snake.
QUINCY: Please, don't let my past with Mr.
Curtis HAPPY: Doctor Curtis.
My mistake.
Don't let our past keep Scorpion from a lucrative job.
And we'd benefit as well: a sign-off from a team of geniuses would set buyers' minds at ease.
You should be flattered I chose you.
I'm no psychiatrist, but maybe your getting your jollies by humiliating my husband factored into your decision.
Toby got married? Fantastic.
Then he's finally stopped pining after my wife and it's all in the past and we can get to work.
WALTER: Quincy, given the situation, we can't accept the job.
I need this job done ASAP.
I'll double your fee.
We could give Toby a cut.
It would hurt Toby's feelings if he knew that we were working with Quincy.
Screw his feelings.
We need a bedroom set.
Excellent.
Shall we? The entire bunker is run by our AI module, Dorie.
May she? Welcome, Walter O'Brien, founder of Scorpion; Alderman Sylvester Dodd; Florence Tipton, PhD in chemistry from the University of Texas; and Happy Quinn, mechanical prodigy and pop star, alias Feliz.
("Amigo Amigável" playing) Dorie's a cutting-edge AI system.
And the security is no less advanced.
Instead of a pickable lock or a hackable password, the owner can gain access by blowing on this sensor.
National Institutes of Health Study recently found each person has unique gut flora.
Like a gastronomic fingerprint.
Exactly.
Eventually, it will be programmed for the purchaser.
For now, it's set up for me.
(beeps) This way.
Uh, can we leave the door open? I'm a teensy claustrophobic.
Not a problem.
Bunker's unfinished, but security mechanisms are complete.
Intercoms, cameras.
Six-foot-thick steel walls encase composite carbon graphene.
It can withstand a nuclear blast.
Owners can wait out an apocalyptic scenario in comfort for five years.
To prevent claustrophobia, it even has windows.
When completed, there'll be thousands of vistas to choose from.
For now, I've put in photos Amy and I took on our honeymoon.
That's Amy? Yes.
Not only beautiful, but a very accomplished geneticist.
This is us riding on Jimbaran Beach.
Took those balloons right across Nusa Dua.
Breathtaking.
Just like our honeymoon.
Enjoyed Bali so much, we bought a second home there.
Well, second vacation home.
TOBY: Have no fear! The real psychiatrist is here! Quincy Berkstead? SYLVESTER: Toby! What are you doing here? Well, I had to see why I was left on the bench.
For this guy? Seriously? WALTER: I told Happy you'd be mad, but sh-she wanted furniture.
Okay, Quincy is part owner of SafeCorp.
He made the call to keep you back.
You really shouldn't be here, Toby.
You excluded me 'cause you're threatened by my intellect.
Intellect? The last time I saw you, you feigned throwing acid in my face.
- Oh, just get over it, baby.
- I'm telling you, you don't want to be here.
Why? 'Cause I'd show you up? AMY: Quincy, really? Nobody wants to see me in my bikini.
All I did was eat that entire trip.
What'd you eat? Air? Amy? Toby? Is that you under all that? QUINCY: You need to leave! This is a high-tech facility.
High-tech? Quincy, do you realize that I got past Don't! your stupid AI with this cheap scarf! (alarm blaring) DORIE: Protocol One initiated.
I'm guessing that's not a good protocol? It's on lockdown.
We need to get out.
Too late! Dorie, open the exit.
DORIE: Request denied.
Enemy infiltration detected.
Quincy, did you program me into the system as an enemy?! Dorie warns of any strangers, but responds proactively to pre-programmed threats.
I needed a placeholder for demonstration purposes, and you tortured me.
Only psychologically! AMY: Look, if Dorie thinks that Toby is a threat, why is she locking us in with him? Dorie knows where Toby is, and she's contained him.
The fact that he's trapped in with us is a problem she'll try to solve next.
Solve me? What is that, a euphemism? WALTER: AI is patient.
It'll hold us in here until it figures out what to do, and that could take years.
Can we drill our way out? It would take weeks with a laser saw, and we don't have one.
We can decipher this conundrum, and if it takes a few days, at least we have a supply of water and food.
QUINCY: Wrong.
Since the bunker's still under construction, it's only been stocked with cleaning supplies.
There is no food or water, and only enough air for 24 hours.
Well, this is the last job I'm going on with you people.
Scorpion 4x13 The Bunker Games All right, just take deep breaths, hold and exhale.
(exhales) Great job, Quince.
Really dynamite product you designed here.
- Okay, clam it, Doc.
It's not helping.
TOBY: No, Happy.
What isn't helping is this talk show doctor's death silo locking us in a tomb.
Toby, you're not really gonna blame Quincy for this, are you? I mean, you showed up uninvited.
You set off the alarm.
Remember when we used to talk about your inability to take responsibility for your actions? You're right.
I'm sorry.
FLORENCE: Okay, you guys stopped a nuclear satellite, a runaway cargo ship and an extinction event.
You can't get us out of a hole in the ground? There's no cell signal.
The emergency phone was just installed a few days ago.
On it.
You never showed me pictures of Amy.
Now I know why.
What? Her? She's ugly.
(phone rings) Oh.
Hey, Walt.
How's bunker life? WALTER: AI locked us in here.
We need help.
DORIE: Shutting down communications.
Cabe, team's in trouble.
We need to call SafeCorp.
Coming! Take the damn parachute off! Nothing is working.
Dorie, turn communications back on.
Negative.
I must prevent Tobias Curtis from contacting other threats.
You know what? It's okay.
Cabe and Paige know we're in here.
TOBY: Walt, no offense, but you got the Globetrotters of Scorpion in here and you're waiting for the Washington Generals to save us? I don't understand that reference, but your tone was sarcastic.
So, either stop complaining, or come up with a solution.
I'm feeling a little bit stuffy in here.
Is anybody else feeling stuffy? Okay, Toby, calm this kid down.
Uh, Quincy, are there any systems that are functional or completed in this joint? Uh, bathrooms, gaming system, gym, trash compactor.
AMY: That's it! The trash compactor.
It has hydraulics.
We can remove them and then use them to force the door open.
That's brilliant.
Outstanding.
Terrific.
Whatever.
WALTER: Okay, Happy, Quincy and I will go work on the hydraulics.
Amy, Sly and Flo, you go to the control room, try to override Dorie.
Computers and code aren't really my strength.
Perhaps I should go with you? No.
We got it.
Off you go.
Come on.
I'll show you where the control room is.
And I'll take you to the compactor.
Whoa, whoa.
Don't I get a job? Oh, I have a job for you.
Why is there so much garbage in an unmanned bunker? QUINCY: Construction workers need a place to toss their excess construction materials.
And their lunch remnants.
Just unscrew the maintenance panel like Happy asked.
Phillips-head.
You know, I'm doing this because Happy said to, not because you said to.
Remember, I'm the alpha dog here.
Been published way more than you have, Wimpy.
DORIE: Initial search shows Dr.
Berkstead has published nine more papers than Tobias Curtis.
Son of a He has also appeared on over 100 episodes of syndicated daytime television.
Quincy's an impressive guy.
Figures he'd marry Wonder Woman.
The cartoon Amazon with an invisible plane? (scoffs) It's ridiculous.
You don't think Amy's that great? Oh, no.
She's quite impressive.
I meant, the invisible plane is ridiculous.
DARPA's decades away from developing an invisible plane.
Just wrench the damn hydraulics.
SYLVESTER: I am getting nowhere fast.
I can't reverse Dorie's programming.
She blocks my every move.
It's like playing a chess grandmaster.
Well, I'm sorry that I'm no help.
I could have at least been useful with the hydraulics, but Walter seemed very averse to that idea.
Which is strange.
No.
What is strange is that a machine that is programmed to protect people is going to kill us.
Computers are logical.
Any contradiction or paradox is beyond their grasp.
I'm running in circles here.
Let's just hope Cabe and Paige are making progress.
Doesn't look like he wants any visitors.
Apparently Claus Egan is our only shot.
Ring the bell.
(buzzer sounds) EGAN: Yeah? Mr.
Egan, we were sent here by SafeCorp.
Our colleagues are trapped in one of your bunkers.
Get the hell off my property! Sir, our friends will be dead before emergency personnel get to them.
SafeCorp said you know the system better than anyone 'cause you designed it, and you're the only person who can save our friends' lives.
(line clicks) (buzzer sounds) (quietly): This guy seems nuts.
He let us in.
He must want to help.
(shotgun cocks) Or not.
Panel's off.
Now I just got to turn off the electrical current controlling the hydraulics so Walt and Happy can remove them without getting electrocuted.
(alarm blares) Hey, Quincy.
What the hell? Hey, stop messing with me! I'm not doing it! The door won't open! Guys, uh, the trash compactor is compacting, and Toby is still in it.
It's Dorie.
She waited until Toby was in the compactor, and once the panel was removed, she knew that we were close to executing an escape plan.
She locked him in there! HAPPY: It'll crush him alive! Sly, do something! Dorie, you were designed to compact trash, but there's something in there that's not trash! DORIE: Trash has no value.
A threat has negative value.
Tobias Curtis is a threat.
Therefore, Tobias Curtis is trash.
Hey, Dorie, why don't you cram it up your motherboard? Okay, only shot is to unscrew these hydraulics.
Toby, buy us some time! I can handle this.
I've seen Star Wars a thousand times.
Oh! Ah! Ah! I Han Solo'd your ass! (creaking) No, no! Oh, no! Whoa! Aah! Hurry! Hurry! Oh, we'll never get this done in time! It's getting a little tight in here.
Screw it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh.
(yelping) Compactor stopped! It's too late.
DORIE: Trash compactor reset to original position.
We fought our entire honeymoon.
From the flat tire to his stupid neurosis over his romantic issues.
TOBY: Are you kidding me?! Toby?! Yeah, I'm down here! I'm under the floor with my self-esteem.
A drain? HAPPY: There's a small hatch here.
TOBY: I found it in the nick of time.
It collects all the garbage juice, and I'm in it.
Hooray.
- I can't believe you're alive.
- I can't believe you brought up my procreation procrastination.
That's the kind of thing spouses keep between themselves.
Hey, we have bigger problems than your inability to perform your marital duties.
Just leave me in here.
Happy smashed the hydraulics.
Speaking of things that don't work Watch it, Wimpy.
Okay, without the hydraulics, we can't pry open the door; we're back at square one.
QUINCY: Wrong attitude.
If you were one of the millions who read my last book, you'd know my number one Quincyism-- ATP: Always Think Positive.
They're all gonna die.
I warned SafeCorp not to use AI, but they replaced me with some whiz kids who said computers were the future 'cause humans can be unstable.
(laughs) Maybe some are so unstable that they come onto my land, making up stories.
Maybe you two work for SafeCorp.
We know exactly where you're coming from.
You don't know who to trust.
You've dedicated your life to your work-- blood, sweat and tears-- then one day, younger people with way less experience just come in and take over.
Damn right they do.
And it's not right.
But now is your chance to fight back.
Your chance to outsmart their precious AI, but only if you believe that we're telling you the truth.
Hey, hold on now.
(grunts softly) I'll get my blueprints.
Great speech.
Sounded familiar.
I learned from the best.
EGAN: Key to life? Timing is everything.
(laughs) And there's always a chance when Armageddon comes and hellfire rains down, I won't be in one of my bunkers, while some rich Silicon Valley blowhard's already sittin' pretty in a top-flight shelter I designed.
So, I needed to figure out a way to take over one of those bunkers to survive end-times.
Makes perfect sense.
So, I built this secret entrance.
Behind the heater in this utility closet, there's a hatch leading to an exhaust shaft which sits on top of an industrial fan.
And our friends could climb out.
Oh, no.
Shaft's 30 feet high.
Uh, steel walls, zero friction coefficient.
- Well, how were you gonna get in? - Rope.
Or braided deer intestines.
But first we're gonna need to get a message to your friends, tell them where to find the hatch.
Well, how? They don't have cell reception.
(chuckles) With this.
Thought you said you hated computers.
I like to watch Antique Hunters.
(laughs) SYLVESTER: Toby! Thank God you're alive.
Don't get too close-- you were just in garbage.
FLORENCE: What are we gonna do, now that the hydraulics are broken? - I don't know.
Why don't we ask Quincy and his Murder-Bot 3000.
AMY: Toby, come on.
You're better than comments like that.
Look, you just went through a very terrifying experience, and you're taking it out on Quincy.
I'm sorry.
You kidding me? What is she, your mom? (beeping) You guys hear that beeping? It's coming from the kitchen.
(beeping stops) WALTER: Unbelievable.
Looks like the Washington Generals just scored a touchdown.
EGAN: Okay, they should have gotten the message by now if they were anywhere near the kitchen.
(gasps): Oh, my (groans with frustration) Power surge.
The bunker's AI is retaliating for being hacked.
I've done all I can from here.
But be careful, because who knows what kind of security they put up after I left.
Okay, thank you for everything.
Yeah, we got to go.
Microwave was right.
That's our way out.
It looks like the exhaust shaft opening is about 200 yards from the bunker entrance.
That's why we didn't see it when we came in.
But, guys, the microwave is on Dorie's server, so she read the plan that was sent to us.
How could she stop someone from walking up to a shaft and dropping a rope down? Well, we're in a room where the walls don't compact, so seems like we beat you at your game, didn't we, Doris? DORIE: Yes.
That is how it seems.
Okay, so we just wait for Cabe and Paige to get here with rope, and then we're home free.
I still get paid, right? Looks like we have some time to kill.
Look, I get that you don't like me, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why.
Seriously? Yeah.
You're a foot taller, three times girlier, a bikini model geneticist with a house in Bali, who has a Svengali power over my husband.
Plus, getting a look at you, now I can see why our honeymoon went the way it did.
You have no reason to be jealous of me, Happy.
(distant thud) Trust me.
(gas hissing) Wait, what's that sound? Reality smacking me in the face.
No, it's coming from the pipes.
Everyone, did you hear that? DORIE: Protocol Two initialized.
Oh, no.
What's Protocol Two? Protocol One was defensive: lockdown when a threat's detected.
Protocol Two is offensive: peremptory attack.
What does that mean? WALTER: It means Dorie's activating an external gas dispersal system.
She's gonna spray VX9 to stop intruders.
I saw a tank of it in the bunker schematics.
VX9? That is a deadly neurotoxin.
Cabe and Paige are on their way.
VX9 is colorless and odorless.
They'll run right into it and die.
Along with everyone else within a ten-mile radius.
But Dorie said we won the game.
No, actually, that little minx said it seemed like we had won the game, because it seemed that way to us.
She was getting this attack ready the whole time.
How long will it take to mix and disperse the gas? 20 minutes.
I'll set a timer.
Okay, well, we might be able to stop (whispering): Let's huddle, huddle, huddle.
Okay, so Okay, so if Dorie can hear what we're up to, it'll sabotage our plans.
Quincy, can Dorie's microphones pick us up at this decibel level? No.
The voice command technology requires clear audio.
Okay, good.
Now, we don't have enough time to stop the release of the gas.
But the neurotoxins operate best in an acidic environment, so we can neutralize it.
FLORENCE: Yeah, it's basic chemistry.
We can do that by adding a strong base, like sodium hydroxide.
We can make that from the cleaning supplies.
I'll need help.
Walter, you have more chemistry experience than the others.
Huh? Fine.
HAPPY: I can build a one-way valve to deliver the neutralizing agents into the toxin chamber.
I'll need an extra pair of hands, too.
I use micro tools all the time in my line of work, so I'll assist.
Yay.
Toby, Quincy, unscrew the access conduit to the toxin chambers so that it's ready for when Happy is done building her valve.
And then, Sly, just try your best to slow Dorie down.
Find anything? Powdered cleanser-- it's full of sodium carbonate.
(gasps) Oh, my God.
What? Huh? Nothing.
I thought we had gotten past our differences, but you seem upset with me.
(water stops) Me? No, I'm not.
Must be the stress of being trapped underground.
Making an injection valve out of an HVAC tube's pretty ingenious.
I got to admit, you're kind of intimidating.
Don't patronize me.
I'm not patronizing you.
Look, you see some photos on a wall, and you think that you know me? I mean, a genius should know that photos don't always tell the whole story.
Oh, why, is there a fourth house I don't know about? You're being mean because you feel threatened by me.
No, I'm not threatened.
I'm just a purveyor of the facts.
And the fact is, between you and me, I used to think that I was the winner 'cause I got Toby-- as much as anyone who gets Toby can be called a winner-- but now that I've met you, I realize I was his consolation pick.
Truth is, Quincy lined up our honeymoon to Bali with a conference.
All the photos were staged, and 36 hours after we were there, he left to go to a speaking engagement.
But that's what it's like to be married to Quincy.
I will always come after his career.
And it was the same thing with Toby except it wasn't business, it was gambling.
So you're not the only one who knows what it feels like to be a second choice.
I don't know why I'm telling you that.
'Cause I was a jerk earlier, and I needed to be told to see things from someone else's perspective? Sorry.
It's okay.
Toby doesn't gamble anymore.
He quit gambling? How? Well, if he didn't, I would have walked.
Well, I'll tell you one thing, he wouldn't do that for a consolation pick.
That as hard as you can turn? Come on, go faster.
The bolt is difficult to turn.
We're going as fast as we can.
Yeah, well, your "as fast as you can" sucks.
(chuckles): Typical.
What? You are attacking my physical prowess at one activity, because you have insecurities about your own prowess at another activity.
I'm not talking about this with you, Quincy.
Well, maybe you should.
I'm a doctor-- I'd like to help.
And I can tell you it's all in your head, because Amy informed me that you never had any issues when you two were together.
You talked about this with Amy? Well, I wanted to make sure that it wasn't a symptom of a larger biological issue.
She has a PhD.
I was looking out for you.
- You were looking to humiliate me.
- Easy.
You are wrenching too hard.
I got this, all right? I'm not as useless as you think.
You are making a feeble attempt to prove your manhood, and it is going to strip the bolt! (straining): I know what I'm doing! (bolt snaps) You see what you made me do? You got to be kidding! BOTH: He did it! Okay.
The hole's too big to patch before the toxins get pumped through.
Now it won't just spray the gas outside.
It'll spray into this bunker.
Killing us all.
Sly.
How long till disperse-ment? Nine minutes.
We got to get Dorie to stop the gas.
SYLVESTER: I can't get through her system.
She's smarter than me.
That's nonsense.
Nobody is smarter than you.
Except for me and Ralph and four other people I've read about.
TOBY: Sly, you can stop the gas.
You-you said earlier that AI can't handle a paradox, right? Well, if you give it a real head-scratcher, then all its computing power is gonna be directed toward solving it, and we can slip a directive into its mainframe.
Dorie, you are familiar with metaphysical solipsism? DORIE: Metaphysical solipsism is a philosophical theory.
Correct.
It contends that nothing truly exists outside of one's mind.
So technically, Toby doesn't exist.
And you don't need to eliminate something that doesn't exist.
Hence, you don't need to eliminate Toby.
My sensors detect Tobias Curtis's breathing and thermal energy; therefore, he exists.
Metaphysical solipsism is wrong.
This is why I hated philosophy class.
Toby, hold your breath.
She's right-- it's all about breath.
- Uh, how do I stop generating heat? - Not your breath, Quincy's breath.
If Sly can get Dorie preoccupied with some unsolvable conundrum, then her processor will be vulnerable.
And then if we can get Quincy topside, he could use his gastro-print to access the front-door computer and slip an order to stop the gas attack past Dorie's defenses.
Yes! Quincy, you can do this AMY: Quincy? Wha Hey.
Come out.
We need you.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Quincy, what are you doing? This room is hermetically sealed.
It'll be safe when the gas comes.
Did you ever think we want to be in there? Or how about all the people in the kill radius around the bunker you designed? There's limited oxygen in here.
I'm sorry.
I am not opening the door.
You dirty little snake in the glass! Look, I am your wife.
Are you kidding me? I'm sorry, sweetheart, it's very hard to hear in here.
Guys, forget about him.
We don't need him.
We need his gut flora, and he's providing us that by locking himself in this airtight room.
I think I get where you're going.
This carbon scrubber filters the storage room's air.
He's been in there hyperventilating like a baby for the past minute.
It's got to have some of his microbes in here.
If we isolate his larger gut flora into an airtight container, we can blow it into the sensor.
We create static on the wire and drag it across the scrubber, the charged flora molecules will stick to it, and then we put the wire into a compressed air can that I carry to clean my tools, and we're good to go.
Let's go get that can.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now, we need to create a powerful enough electrostatic charge.
We can do that by rubbing your polyester jacket against my wool sweater.
Ooh, ooh Take it off first.
There is a plane crash.
Every single person on board dies, but yet, there are two survivors.
How is this possible? Every single person died.
The two that survived were married.
Son of a brain teaser.
All right, smarty, try this one on.
How does someone lift an elephant with one hand? They do not, as there are no elephants with one hand.
Or two hands, for that matter.
Damn, you're good.
Guys, Cabe and Paige just drove onto the property.
They have no idea that the gas will be released soon.
They'll be dead in five minutes.
Crap.
Can't throw the rope down the shaft if we can't get past that.
Egan said there'd be some security surprises.
TOBY: Hey, Paige! Cabe! Can you hear me? Toby, we're out here, but there's an electric fence around the exhaust shaft.
Look, neurotoxic gas is gonna flood where you are in minutes.
We can stop it, but we need you to send down that rope.
Well, we can't get it to you.
Egan said the exhaust shaft is over an industrial fan.
Is that right, Toby? Yeah, but I left my Mary Poppins umbrella at home.
We don't need an umbrella.
We have a parachute.
That's too light.
The fan'll blow it back out.
Nope, not if we use this.
Toby, Cabe's gonna try and throw the parachute down into the shaft.
Step back.
All right, Cabe.
Look, hey, buddy, I know you can make this shot.
Sure wish I didn't call 'em the Washington Generals earlier.
You know who could make this shot? Is one of the young Homeland recruits who can pass a fitness test without even trying.
You're trying to piss me off to psych me up.
Working? Yep.
There's not enough of the wire between the fabric-- move closer.
Closer.
It's static electricity, not real electricity.
Okay, I popped the top of the air canister.
And I'm covering it so it doesn't lose pressure.
Give me the wire.
It should have enough charge by now.
Right.
Here.
The scrubber.
Look, I know it's invisible, but I have a really good feeling we're getting what we need off this thing.
I really wish I could help, Amy.
You know me and my survival instinct issues.
They're actually why I was drawn to this business in the first place.
Something for us to explore when this is all over.
What the hell is that? Uh, there's a change of plans.
There's a huge electrical fence, so Paige and Cabe can't get to us.
I got to go up the chimney like old Saint Nick.
And if you land on the fence? Toby fricassee.
But Paige and Cabe are ready with the car to race me over to thetrol panel.
Which will be meaningless if Sly doesn't distract Dorie.
Sly, Toby's almost out of here.
So, time and progress update? SYLVESTER: Down to two minutes.
I'm trying my best, but I'm down to knock-knock jokes.
Just get it done.
I told you, I'm trying my best.
What do you think, I'm lying to you? Oh.
That's it.
I got it.
Walt, send Toby.
I'll have Dorie's circuits burning in no time.
Hey.
Quincy's gut flora.
You are one hell of a man, you know that? We survive this, we're gonna make up for lost honeymoon time tonight, right? Deal.
(yelps) (Toby whoops) Here he comes.
(shrieking) Electric fence coming up! Oh, boy! He's coming right at us.
Oh, oh, aah! (groans) - How you doing? - Get in.
Dorie, you've answered all of my questions with great skill.
I'd like to commend you, but my compliment would mean nothing, because I'm a liar.
Lying is the presentation of false data.
Correct.
Or maybe I don't think you're correct.
I tell lies, remember? All the time.
So, do you believe me? What's wrong, Dorie? Why no answer? I am trying to compute a response.
It's easy.
Do you believe a liar who tells you that he is a liar? If you are a liar, then I can't believe you when you say you are a liar.
Which would mean you are the opposite of a liar.
Which would make you truthful, which would make your first statement about being a liar untruthful, which would make you a liar Sly, how goes it? Dorie's spinning out.
Her RAM is burning from this puzzle I gave her.
Toby's in the clear.
Except he only has 19 seconds left.
Oh, crap.
Get a whiff of this, baby.
Hello, Dr.
Berkstead.
I do not recognize you.
Yeah, it's been a rough day.
Dorie, don't divert any processing power away from the problem you're solving with Sylvester.
Just cancel all protocols.
Did it shut down? With a second to spare.
If you guys don't mind, I'd like to go home now.
Okay, let's get out of here.
Okay, go, go, go.
Dorie, keep working on that problem I gave you.
Get back to me on it.
So if the gas is odorless and colorless, how are you sure we stopped it? 'Cause we'd be dead by now.
Makes sense.
(laughs) Oh.
So I guess SafeCorp won't be too happy with our findings.
WALTER: Well, something tells me they'll be bankrupt before we get paid.
(clears throat loudly) Hello, team.
Want to report that I, uh, checked the toxin tank.
It has ceased operation.
All is safe.
You know, Quincy, I find it ironic that we were saved by the gut flora of someone who has no guts.
Attagirl.
Let's go.
CABE: Good-bye, AI.
Walt, uh, I think you and I should talk.
Okay.
About what? Well, you know how, uh, I let a few bumps in the road at the start of my honeymoon completely derail me? I was being overly dramatic.
That affected the relationship with the woman I love.
You mean your repeated intimacy failures.
That's not my point.
I'm just saying you are being overly dramatic due to a dumb dream.
Oh.
You've been bumbling around Florence all day 'cause you think you've done something wrong, and you have not.
So the only way to excise your demons is to take away their power.
Its power is in its secrecy.
So tell her.
Just say to her, "Hey, I had a crazy dream and I've been a putz around you because of it, and I'm sorry.
" Are you sure? Absolutely.
You'll sleep well.
(sighs) Okay.
Hey.
You did excellent work today.
Despite my awkward behavior.
Mm.
Yes.
You were odd.
Odder than usual.
Okay, I was keeping my distance today because, uh-- this is uncomfortable-- because, um, as you tended to me when I fell, I was dreaming many things, uh, one of 'em was you and me kissing.
We were married.
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Uh thi-this is not a come-on.
I'm in love with Paige.
It's one of the things that made it so distressing.
We were married and we kissed.
Yeah, Toby assures me that I was thinking about you because I heard your voice.
So it was a dream.
Nothing more.
I felt I owed you an explanation for today.
So, you know Um, I appreciate your candor.
And good evening.
I apologize for ruining our honeymoon.
I already told you it's not a big deal.
No, I'm not talking about that.
I Listen, I-I I was just so grumpy about that crappy room and the weather, and not being able to fix that flat.
I I didn't feel like a man.
I-I know I was relying on an outdated construct, but it all affected me, emotionally.
And, clearly, physically, and I'm so sorry.
Okay, now let me apologize.
What for? Uh, I objectified you.
Totally ogled you.
When you went up the exhaust shaft, ready to save the day, I checked out your tuchus.
It got my motor running, so how about we get out of here and make up for the honeymoon time like you promised? You don't have to ask me twice.
Wait till I tell you about Walter's dream.
Hey.
Do you want to curl up on my couch? Oh, I could use a cup of hot tea and an old movie.
Sounds like a plan.
So I saw you talking to Flo earlier.
You glad I convinced you to keep her around? She was invaluable today.
Yes.
I have to admit the reason why I didn't want her to come was, uh, childish.
What was that? It's very silly, actually.
I-I dreamt we were married and we kissed.
What?!
The man who stole your fiancée? QUINCY: You're the reason Amy left you.
The only person you blame is me.
WALTER: We're married? PAIGE: So, tell me more about this dream.
There's nothing to tell.
The best part was getting to meet you.
CABE: I got my own exercise regimen.
I'm not doing this.
Like hell you're not.
Homeland stated specifically, "All agents "returning to the field after extended medical absence, "sabbatical, or other leave must pass the federal physical fitness standards.
" Director Carson is saying your suspension falls under "other leave.
" You have to take the test.
Carson's just mad 'cause I beat him in court.
You fail, you get desk duty.
Which means you can't be Scorpion's liaison.
Good news is, my workout works.
We do resistance running with parachutes and sled training There's no way I can pass that test.
It was originally designed for recruits coming out of college.
And that's who will take your job.
It's unbelievable.
You dedicate your whole life to your work-- blood, sweat, and tears.
And then one day, younger people with less experience come in and take over.
Not going to let that happen.
Go grab your gym clothes, okay? We've got work to do.
WALTER: I'm sure you'll do great, Paige.
You're smart and very organized.
Thank you, sweetie.
Uh, don't thank me.
Thank the Walteration One.
I don't even want to know.
I created an artificial intelligence device programmed with over a billion possible stimuli responses in preparation for today's doomsday bunker inspection.
I don't like those things.
Creepy.
SYLVESTER: It's progress.
I mentioned that we were almost out of Fruity Moons, and the Walteration ordered a new box online without even asking.
CABE: And that's the problem.
Nobody does anything for themselves anymore.
Nobody can spell because of spell-check, can't remember a phone number because of the speed dial.
Mark my words, someday it's gonna be Rise of the Machines.
And who's that gonna be good for? Robots are the future.
Anyway, we got to go.
Bunker's not close.
Happy and Toby better be back from their honeymoon soon.
Actually, just Happy.
Oh, right.
How did Toby take the news about the job? Why are you asking me? You handle our EQ issues.
And it's gonna be emotional for Toby.
You know, falls within your job description, not mine.
TOBY: What'll be emotional for Toby? Oh.
Hey, guys.
How was your honeymoon? That's a nice diversion attempt.
What's going on? Nothing.
Nothing major.
We just have that bunker inspection for SafeCorp Survival.
Right.
The doomsday guys.
SafeCorp Survival.
Founded in 2004.
A survival preparation company specializing in post-apocalyptic housing.
I don't even want to know.
Seems SafeCorp wants their AI checked and their coding screened and their facial recognition software tested.
TOBY: Yeah, probably want their system analyzed by the world's most qualified behaviorist so that people don't go cuckoo for Armageddon Puffs while spending five years underground.
Right? Well, yes and no.
I'm out of here.
WALTER: It appears SafeCorp has their own in-house behaviorist, so they asked that you not come along.
I'm-I'm so I'm so sorry.
My-my hearing must be going, because I thought that you just said that they don't want to hire a Harvard-trained behaviorist 'cause they got some rink-a-dink shrink.
No, your hearing's fine.
Well, who is this quack? They didn't say.
It's not important.
They're-they're the client.
It's their call.
This is really great.
(door opens) Just when I thought I couldn't feel any lower.
Hello, everyone.
Are we leaving soon to inspect the bunker? She gets to go? They wanted a-a chemist to inspect their water filtration system.
But it's gonna be fine.
Cabe and I are gonna stay back and exercise.
You can join us.
TOBY: Oh, that's great.
I-I get lumped in with you two.
You know, no offense, but I have a 178 IQ! Incorrect.
Toby Curtis's IQ is 170, the lowest on Team Scorpion.
Hey.
You okay? How would you feel if you were told you weren't wanted on a case? That's not it.
You said you couldn't feel any lower.
Folks returning from their honeymoon usually have a little more spring in their step.
Uh, we got a flat on the way to Mexico, and Happy insisted on fixing it.
And then our, um, ocean view could only be seen while standing on a chair in the bathtub.
And then when I complained to the manager, he wouldn't budge.
And to top it all off, despite me checking every available weather forecast, it rained the entire time.
So, I failed on every front.
But that's romantic.
Newlyweds, stuck in a room, rain pouring down.
What? Toby, my only job here on Scorpion is to help you guys.
You need to trust me.
Um (quietly): After all that happened, uh, my confidence was at zero.
So when the baby-making show was supposed to commence I couldn't raise the curtain.
Oh.
Well, that I mean, that happens.
It's no big deal.
When you're trying to get pregnant, it's a pretty big deal.
You know better than anyone it's-it's probably all mental.
You just need to get your mojo back.
Yeah, well, nothing makes you feel manly like being told to stay behind while Florence the Pixie takes your place.
Did you mean "Florence and the Machine"? Or the "Pixies"? Both are successful indie rock bands.
Seems like something's wrong here.
That's what Happy said.
Huh? Toby is just upset that Florence is coming along when he isn't.
Well, I can check the filtration systems.
Florence doesn't need to come.
No, she has more chemistry expertise than you.
Besides, she needs the work.
Boosts our fee.
Win-win.
I just think it's unfair to Toby to bring in an outsider.
An outsider? She saved your life.
I thought you were okay with her now.
I am, but Good! Then everything's settled.
That's also what Happy said.
What are you talking about? No, never mind me.
What's up with lying to Paige? I read deception all over you.
And you could normally care less whether I find something unfair or not.
I need your professional opinion about a dream I had.
Did it involve leaving me behind in the garage? (quietly): No.
It involved Florence and I kissing in the garage.
I dreamt we were married.
Yowza.
Wow.
Oh, that's why you don't want her coming along.
You feel guilty about your perverted dream, huh? It wasn't perverse.
It happened when I was unconscious from falling down the stairs.
Mm-hmm.
Toby, I Th I thought I loved Paige.
You can relax.
The fact that you feel so guilty proves that you do love her.
Look, your dream is just a function of biology, you know? You're unconscious, but the olfactory and auditory centers of your brain continue to provide stimuli.
You know? Florence found you, and she yelled at you to wake up, right? So, you heard her-- she winds up in your dream.
But my wife? Kissing me? She was trying to keep you alive, right? She was caring for you.
So your subconscious made her someone that fits that role, a spouse.
You did nothing wrong.
Thank you.
(chuckles softly) That's helpful.
Yeah.
Well, try to get whatever behaviorist SafeCorp hired to do that.
So, can I come along? No.
You know what, go ahead.
I really don't give a crap.
Laxatives are sold in nine markets and pharmacies within a three-mile radius.
Shut up.
Should I put in one of those comms like you guys always wear? Not today.
Bunker has shielding that renders them useless.
Hello, Team Scorpion.
Quincy Berkstead? What are you doing here? FLORENCE: Isn't he the pop psychologist that sells books in supermarkets? By the millions.
SYLVESTER: You are the behaviorist that SafeCorp hired? Not hired.
I received equity in the company in exchange for my work in human dynamics, customizing the bunker so people can live in it for years while keeping their sanity.
Speaking of which, I am about to lose mine.
Walt, I am not working with this jerk.
Why do you guys hate him? He married Toby's ex-girlfriend.
Stole Toby's ex-fiancée.
He's a snake.
QUINCY: Please, don't let my past with Mr.
Curtis HAPPY: Doctor Curtis.
My mistake.
Don't let our past keep Scorpion from a lucrative job.
And we'd benefit as well: a sign-off from a team of geniuses would set buyers' minds at ease.
You should be flattered I chose you.
I'm no psychiatrist, but maybe your getting your jollies by humiliating my husband factored into your decision.
Toby got married? Fantastic.
Then he's finally stopped pining after my wife and it's all in the past and we can get to work.
WALTER: Quincy, given the situation, we can't accept the job.
I need this job done ASAP.
I'll double your fee.
We could give Toby a cut.
It would hurt Toby's feelings if he knew that we were working with Quincy.
Screw his feelings.
We need a bedroom set.
Excellent.
Shall we? The entire bunker is run by our AI module, Dorie.
May she? Welcome, Walter O'Brien, founder of Scorpion; Alderman Sylvester Dodd; Florence Tipton, PhD in chemistry from the University of Texas; and Happy Quinn, mechanical prodigy and pop star, alias Feliz.
("Amigo Amigável" playing) Dorie's a cutting-edge AI system.
And the security is no less advanced.
Instead of a pickable lock or a hackable password, the owner can gain access by blowing on this sensor.
National Institutes of Health Study recently found each person has unique gut flora.
Like a gastronomic fingerprint.
Exactly.
Eventually, it will be programmed for the purchaser.
For now, it's set up for me.
(beeps) This way.
Uh, can we leave the door open? I'm a teensy claustrophobic.
Not a problem.
Bunker's unfinished, but security mechanisms are complete.
Intercoms, cameras.
Six-foot-thick steel walls encase composite carbon graphene.
It can withstand a nuclear blast.
Owners can wait out an apocalyptic scenario in comfort for five years.
To prevent claustrophobia, it even has windows.
When completed, there'll be thousands of vistas to choose from.
For now, I've put in photos Amy and I took on our honeymoon.
That's Amy? Yes.
Not only beautiful, but a very accomplished geneticist.
This is us riding on Jimbaran Beach.
Took those balloons right across Nusa Dua.
Breathtaking.
Just like our honeymoon.
Enjoyed Bali so much, we bought a second home there.
Well, second vacation home.
TOBY: Have no fear! The real psychiatrist is here! Quincy Berkstead? SYLVESTER: Toby! What are you doing here? Well, I had to see why I was left on the bench.
For this guy? Seriously? WALTER: I told Happy you'd be mad, but sh-she wanted furniture.
Okay, Quincy is part owner of SafeCorp.
He made the call to keep you back.
You really shouldn't be here, Toby.
You excluded me 'cause you're threatened by my intellect.
Intellect? The last time I saw you, you feigned throwing acid in my face.
- Oh, just get over it, baby.
- I'm telling you, you don't want to be here.
Why? 'Cause I'd show you up? AMY: Quincy, really? Nobody wants to see me in my bikini.
All I did was eat that entire trip.
What'd you eat? Air? Amy? Toby? Is that you under all that? QUINCY: You need to leave! This is a high-tech facility.
High-tech? Quincy, do you realize that I got past Don't! your stupid AI with this cheap scarf! (alarm blaring) DORIE: Protocol One initiated.
I'm guessing that's not a good protocol? It's on lockdown.
We need to get out.
Too late! Dorie, open the exit.
DORIE: Request denied.
Enemy infiltration detected.
Quincy, did you program me into the system as an enemy?! Dorie warns of any strangers, but responds proactively to pre-programmed threats.
I needed a placeholder for demonstration purposes, and you tortured me.
Only psychologically! AMY: Look, if Dorie thinks that Toby is a threat, why is she locking us in with him? Dorie knows where Toby is, and she's contained him.
The fact that he's trapped in with us is a problem she'll try to solve next.
Solve me? What is that, a euphemism? WALTER: AI is patient.
It'll hold us in here until it figures out what to do, and that could take years.
Can we drill our way out? It would take weeks with a laser saw, and we don't have one.
We can decipher this conundrum, and if it takes a few days, at least we have a supply of water and food.
QUINCY: Wrong.
Since the bunker's still under construction, it's only been stocked with cleaning supplies.
There is no food or water, and only enough air for 24 hours.
Well, this is the last job I'm going on with you people.
Scorpion 4x13 The Bunker Games All right, just take deep breaths, hold and exhale.
(exhales) Great job, Quince.
Really dynamite product you designed here.
- Okay, clam it, Doc.
It's not helping.
TOBY: No, Happy.
What isn't helping is this talk show doctor's death silo locking us in a tomb.
Toby, you're not really gonna blame Quincy for this, are you? I mean, you showed up uninvited.
You set off the alarm.
Remember when we used to talk about your inability to take responsibility for your actions? You're right.
I'm sorry.
FLORENCE: Okay, you guys stopped a nuclear satellite, a runaway cargo ship and an extinction event.
You can't get us out of a hole in the ground? There's no cell signal.
The emergency phone was just installed a few days ago.
On it.
You never showed me pictures of Amy.
Now I know why.
What? Her? She's ugly.
(phone rings) Oh.
Hey, Walt.
How's bunker life? WALTER: AI locked us in here.
We need help.
DORIE: Shutting down communications.
Cabe, team's in trouble.
We need to call SafeCorp.
Coming! Take the damn parachute off! Nothing is working.
Dorie, turn communications back on.
Negative.
I must prevent Tobias Curtis from contacting other threats.
You know what? It's okay.
Cabe and Paige know we're in here.
TOBY: Walt, no offense, but you got the Globetrotters of Scorpion in here and you're waiting for the Washington Generals to save us? I don't understand that reference, but your tone was sarcastic.
So, either stop complaining, or come up with a solution.
I'm feeling a little bit stuffy in here.
Is anybody else feeling stuffy? Okay, Toby, calm this kid down.
Uh, Quincy, are there any systems that are functional or completed in this joint? Uh, bathrooms, gaming system, gym, trash compactor.
AMY: That's it! The trash compactor.
It has hydraulics.
We can remove them and then use them to force the door open.
That's brilliant.
Outstanding.
Terrific.
Whatever.
WALTER: Okay, Happy, Quincy and I will go work on the hydraulics.
Amy, Sly and Flo, you go to the control room, try to override Dorie.
Computers and code aren't really my strength.
Perhaps I should go with you? No.
We got it.
Off you go.
Come on.
I'll show you where the control room is.
And I'll take you to the compactor.
Whoa, whoa.
Don't I get a job? Oh, I have a job for you.
Why is there so much garbage in an unmanned bunker? QUINCY: Construction workers need a place to toss their excess construction materials.
And their lunch remnants.
Just unscrew the maintenance panel like Happy asked.
Phillips-head.
You know, I'm doing this because Happy said to, not because you said to.
Remember, I'm the alpha dog here.
Been published way more than you have, Wimpy.
DORIE: Initial search shows Dr.
Berkstead has published nine more papers than Tobias Curtis.
Son of a He has also appeared on over 100 episodes of syndicated daytime television.
Quincy's an impressive guy.
Figures he'd marry Wonder Woman.
The cartoon Amazon with an invisible plane? (scoffs) It's ridiculous.
You don't think Amy's that great? Oh, no.
She's quite impressive.
I meant, the invisible plane is ridiculous.
DARPA's decades away from developing an invisible plane.
Just wrench the damn hydraulics.
SYLVESTER: I am getting nowhere fast.
I can't reverse Dorie's programming.
She blocks my every move.
It's like playing a chess grandmaster.
Well, I'm sorry that I'm no help.
I could have at least been useful with the hydraulics, but Walter seemed very averse to that idea.
Which is strange.
No.
What is strange is that a machine that is programmed to protect people is going to kill us.
Computers are logical.
Any contradiction or paradox is beyond their grasp.
I'm running in circles here.
Let's just hope Cabe and Paige are making progress.
Doesn't look like he wants any visitors.
Apparently Claus Egan is our only shot.
Ring the bell.
(buzzer sounds) EGAN: Yeah? Mr.
Egan, we were sent here by SafeCorp.
Our colleagues are trapped in one of your bunkers.
Get the hell off my property! Sir, our friends will be dead before emergency personnel get to them.
SafeCorp said you know the system better than anyone 'cause you designed it, and you're the only person who can save our friends' lives.
(line clicks) (buzzer sounds) (quietly): This guy seems nuts.
He let us in.
He must want to help.
(shotgun cocks) Or not.
Panel's off.
Now I just got to turn off the electrical current controlling the hydraulics so Walt and Happy can remove them without getting electrocuted.
(alarm blares) Hey, Quincy.
What the hell? Hey, stop messing with me! I'm not doing it! The door won't open! Guys, uh, the trash compactor is compacting, and Toby is still in it.
It's Dorie.
She waited until Toby was in the compactor, and once the panel was removed, she knew that we were close to executing an escape plan.
She locked him in there! HAPPY: It'll crush him alive! Sly, do something! Dorie, you were designed to compact trash, but there's something in there that's not trash! DORIE: Trash has no value.
A threat has negative value.
Tobias Curtis is a threat.
Therefore, Tobias Curtis is trash.
Hey, Dorie, why don't you cram it up your motherboard? Okay, only shot is to unscrew these hydraulics.
Toby, buy us some time! I can handle this.
I've seen Star Wars a thousand times.
Oh! Ah! Ah! I Han Solo'd your ass! (creaking) No, no! Oh, no! Whoa! Aah! Hurry! Hurry! Oh, we'll never get this done in time! It's getting a little tight in here.
Screw it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh.
(yelping) Compactor stopped! It's too late.
DORIE: Trash compactor reset to original position.
We fought our entire honeymoon.
From the flat tire to his stupid neurosis over his romantic issues.
TOBY: Are you kidding me?! Toby?! Yeah, I'm down here! I'm under the floor with my self-esteem.
A drain? HAPPY: There's a small hatch here.
TOBY: I found it in the nick of time.
It collects all the garbage juice, and I'm in it.
Hooray.
- I can't believe you're alive.
- I can't believe you brought up my procreation procrastination.
That's the kind of thing spouses keep between themselves.
Hey, we have bigger problems than your inability to perform your marital duties.
Just leave me in here.
Happy smashed the hydraulics.
Speaking of things that don't work Watch it, Wimpy.
Okay, without the hydraulics, we can't pry open the door; we're back at square one.
QUINCY: Wrong attitude.
If you were one of the millions who read my last book, you'd know my number one Quincyism-- ATP: Always Think Positive.
They're all gonna die.
I warned SafeCorp not to use AI, but they replaced me with some whiz kids who said computers were the future 'cause humans can be unstable.
(laughs) Maybe some are so unstable that they come onto my land, making up stories.
Maybe you two work for SafeCorp.
We know exactly where you're coming from.
You don't know who to trust.
You've dedicated your life to your work-- blood, sweat and tears-- then one day, younger people with way less experience just come in and take over.
Damn right they do.
And it's not right.
But now is your chance to fight back.
Your chance to outsmart their precious AI, but only if you believe that we're telling you the truth.
Hey, hold on now.
(grunts softly) I'll get my blueprints.
Great speech.
Sounded familiar.
I learned from the best.
EGAN: Key to life? Timing is everything.
(laughs) And there's always a chance when Armageddon comes and hellfire rains down, I won't be in one of my bunkers, while some rich Silicon Valley blowhard's already sittin' pretty in a top-flight shelter I designed.
So, I needed to figure out a way to take over one of those bunkers to survive end-times.
Makes perfect sense.
So, I built this secret entrance.
Behind the heater in this utility closet, there's a hatch leading to an exhaust shaft which sits on top of an industrial fan.
And our friends could climb out.
Oh, no.
Shaft's 30 feet high.
Uh, steel walls, zero friction coefficient.
- Well, how were you gonna get in? - Rope.
Or braided deer intestines.
But first we're gonna need to get a message to your friends, tell them where to find the hatch.
Well, how? They don't have cell reception.
(chuckles) With this.
Thought you said you hated computers.
I like to watch Antique Hunters.
(laughs) SYLVESTER: Toby! Thank God you're alive.
Don't get too close-- you were just in garbage.
FLORENCE: What are we gonna do, now that the hydraulics are broken? - I don't know.
Why don't we ask Quincy and his Murder-Bot 3000.
AMY: Toby, come on.
You're better than comments like that.
Look, you just went through a very terrifying experience, and you're taking it out on Quincy.
I'm sorry.
You kidding me? What is she, your mom? (beeping) You guys hear that beeping? It's coming from the kitchen.
(beeping stops) WALTER: Unbelievable.
Looks like the Washington Generals just scored a touchdown.
EGAN: Okay, they should have gotten the message by now if they were anywhere near the kitchen.
(gasps): Oh, my (groans with frustration) Power surge.
The bunker's AI is retaliating for being hacked.
I've done all I can from here.
But be careful, because who knows what kind of security they put up after I left.
Okay, thank you for everything.
Yeah, we got to go.
Microwave was right.
That's our way out.
It looks like the exhaust shaft opening is about 200 yards from the bunker entrance.
That's why we didn't see it when we came in.
But, guys, the microwave is on Dorie's server, so she read the plan that was sent to us.
How could she stop someone from walking up to a shaft and dropping a rope down? Well, we're in a room where the walls don't compact, so seems like we beat you at your game, didn't we, Doris? DORIE: Yes.
That is how it seems.
Okay, so we just wait for Cabe and Paige to get here with rope, and then we're home free.
I still get paid, right? Looks like we have some time to kill.
Look, I get that you don't like me, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why.
Seriously? Yeah.
You're a foot taller, three times girlier, a bikini model geneticist with a house in Bali, who has a Svengali power over my husband.
Plus, getting a look at you, now I can see why our honeymoon went the way it did.
You have no reason to be jealous of me, Happy.
(distant thud) Trust me.
(gas hissing) Wait, what's that sound? Reality smacking me in the face.
No, it's coming from the pipes.
Everyone, did you hear that? DORIE: Protocol Two initialized.
Oh, no.
What's Protocol Two? Protocol One was defensive: lockdown when a threat's detected.
Protocol Two is offensive: peremptory attack.
What does that mean? WALTER: It means Dorie's activating an external gas dispersal system.
She's gonna spray VX9 to stop intruders.
I saw a tank of it in the bunker schematics.
VX9? That is a deadly neurotoxin.
Cabe and Paige are on their way.
VX9 is colorless and odorless.
They'll run right into it and die.
Along with everyone else within a ten-mile radius.
But Dorie said we won the game.
No, actually, that little minx said it seemed like we had won the game, because it seemed that way to us.
She was getting this attack ready the whole time.
How long will it take to mix and disperse the gas? 20 minutes.
I'll set a timer.
Okay, well, we might be able to stop (whispering): Let's huddle, huddle, huddle.
Okay, so Okay, so if Dorie can hear what we're up to, it'll sabotage our plans.
Quincy, can Dorie's microphones pick us up at this decibel level? No.
The voice command technology requires clear audio.
Okay, good.
Now, we don't have enough time to stop the release of the gas.
But the neurotoxins operate best in an acidic environment, so we can neutralize it.
FLORENCE: Yeah, it's basic chemistry.
We can do that by adding a strong base, like sodium hydroxide.
We can make that from the cleaning supplies.
I'll need help.
Walter, you have more chemistry experience than the others.
Huh? Fine.
HAPPY: I can build a one-way valve to deliver the neutralizing agents into the toxin chamber.
I'll need an extra pair of hands, too.
I use micro tools all the time in my line of work, so I'll assist.
Yay.
Toby, Quincy, unscrew the access conduit to the toxin chambers so that it's ready for when Happy is done building her valve.
And then, Sly, just try your best to slow Dorie down.
Find anything? Powdered cleanser-- it's full of sodium carbonate.
(gasps) Oh, my God.
What? Huh? Nothing.
I thought we had gotten past our differences, but you seem upset with me.
(water stops) Me? No, I'm not.
Must be the stress of being trapped underground.
Making an injection valve out of an HVAC tube's pretty ingenious.
I got to admit, you're kind of intimidating.
Don't patronize me.
I'm not patronizing you.
Look, you see some photos on a wall, and you think that you know me? I mean, a genius should know that photos don't always tell the whole story.
Oh, why, is there a fourth house I don't know about? You're being mean because you feel threatened by me.
No, I'm not threatened.
I'm just a purveyor of the facts.
And the fact is, between you and me, I used to think that I was the winner 'cause I got Toby-- as much as anyone who gets Toby can be called a winner-- but now that I've met you, I realize I was his consolation pick.
Truth is, Quincy lined up our honeymoon to Bali with a conference.
All the photos were staged, and 36 hours after we were there, he left to go to a speaking engagement.
But that's what it's like to be married to Quincy.
I will always come after his career.
And it was the same thing with Toby except it wasn't business, it was gambling.
So you're not the only one who knows what it feels like to be a second choice.
I don't know why I'm telling you that.
'Cause I was a jerk earlier, and I needed to be told to see things from someone else's perspective? Sorry.
It's okay.
Toby doesn't gamble anymore.
He quit gambling? How? Well, if he didn't, I would have walked.
Well, I'll tell you one thing, he wouldn't do that for a consolation pick.
That as hard as you can turn? Come on, go faster.
The bolt is difficult to turn.
We're going as fast as we can.
Yeah, well, your "as fast as you can" sucks.
(chuckles): Typical.
What? You are attacking my physical prowess at one activity, because you have insecurities about your own prowess at another activity.
I'm not talking about this with you, Quincy.
Well, maybe you should.
I'm a doctor-- I'd like to help.
And I can tell you it's all in your head, because Amy informed me that you never had any issues when you two were together.
You talked about this with Amy? Well, I wanted to make sure that it wasn't a symptom of a larger biological issue.
She has a PhD.
I was looking out for you.
- You were looking to humiliate me.
- Easy.
You are wrenching too hard.
I got this, all right? I'm not as useless as you think.
You are making a feeble attempt to prove your manhood, and it is going to strip the bolt! (straining): I know what I'm doing! (bolt snaps) You see what you made me do? You got to be kidding! BOTH: He did it! Okay.
The hole's too big to patch before the toxins get pumped through.
Now it won't just spray the gas outside.
It'll spray into this bunker.
Killing us all.
Sly.
How long till disperse-ment? Nine minutes.
We got to get Dorie to stop the gas.
SYLVESTER: I can't get through her system.
She's smarter than me.
That's nonsense.
Nobody is smarter than you.
Except for me and Ralph and four other people I've read about.
TOBY: Sly, you can stop the gas.
You-you said earlier that AI can't handle a paradox, right? Well, if you give it a real head-scratcher, then all its computing power is gonna be directed toward solving it, and we can slip a directive into its mainframe.
Dorie, you are familiar with metaphysical solipsism? DORIE: Metaphysical solipsism is a philosophical theory.
Correct.
It contends that nothing truly exists outside of one's mind.
So technically, Toby doesn't exist.
And you don't need to eliminate something that doesn't exist.
Hence, you don't need to eliminate Toby.
My sensors detect Tobias Curtis's breathing and thermal energy; therefore, he exists.
Metaphysical solipsism is wrong.
This is why I hated philosophy class.
Toby, hold your breath.
She's right-- it's all about breath.
- Uh, how do I stop generating heat? - Not your breath, Quincy's breath.
If Sly can get Dorie preoccupied with some unsolvable conundrum, then her processor will be vulnerable.
And then if we can get Quincy topside, he could use his gastro-print to access the front-door computer and slip an order to stop the gas attack past Dorie's defenses.
Yes! Quincy, you can do this AMY: Quincy? Wha Hey.
Come out.
We need you.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Quincy, what are you doing? This room is hermetically sealed.
It'll be safe when the gas comes.
Did you ever think we want to be in there? Or how about all the people in the kill radius around the bunker you designed? There's limited oxygen in here.
I'm sorry.
I am not opening the door.
You dirty little snake in the glass! Look, I am your wife.
Are you kidding me? I'm sorry, sweetheart, it's very hard to hear in here.
Guys, forget about him.
We don't need him.
We need his gut flora, and he's providing us that by locking himself in this airtight room.
I think I get where you're going.
This carbon scrubber filters the storage room's air.
He's been in there hyperventilating like a baby for the past minute.
It's got to have some of his microbes in here.
If we isolate his larger gut flora into an airtight container, we can blow it into the sensor.
We create static on the wire and drag it across the scrubber, the charged flora molecules will stick to it, and then we put the wire into a compressed air can that I carry to clean my tools, and we're good to go.
Let's go get that can.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now, we need to create a powerful enough electrostatic charge.
We can do that by rubbing your polyester jacket against my wool sweater.
Ooh, ooh Take it off first.
There is a plane crash.
Every single person on board dies, but yet, there are two survivors.
How is this possible? Every single person died.
The two that survived were married.
Son of a brain teaser.
All right, smarty, try this one on.
How does someone lift an elephant with one hand? They do not, as there are no elephants with one hand.
Or two hands, for that matter.
Damn, you're good.
Guys, Cabe and Paige just drove onto the property.
They have no idea that the gas will be released soon.
They'll be dead in five minutes.
Crap.
Can't throw the rope down the shaft if we can't get past that.
Egan said there'd be some security surprises.
TOBY: Hey, Paige! Cabe! Can you hear me? Toby, we're out here, but there's an electric fence around the exhaust shaft.
Look, neurotoxic gas is gonna flood where you are in minutes.
We can stop it, but we need you to send down that rope.
Well, we can't get it to you.
Egan said the exhaust shaft is over an industrial fan.
Is that right, Toby? Yeah, but I left my Mary Poppins umbrella at home.
We don't need an umbrella.
We have a parachute.
That's too light.
The fan'll blow it back out.
Nope, not if we use this.
Toby, Cabe's gonna try and throw the parachute down into the shaft.
Step back.
All right, Cabe.
Look, hey, buddy, I know you can make this shot.
Sure wish I didn't call 'em the Washington Generals earlier.
You know who could make this shot? Is one of the young Homeland recruits who can pass a fitness test without even trying.
You're trying to piss me off to psych me up.
Working? Yep.
There's not enough of the wire between the fabric-- move closer.
Closer.
It's static electricity, not real electricity.
Okay, I popped the top of the air canister.
And I'm covering it so it doesn't lose pressure.
Give me the wire.
It should have enough charge by now.
Right.
Here.
The scrubber.
Look, I know it's invisible, but I have a really good feeling we're getting what we need off this thing.
I really wish I could help, Amy.
You know me and my survival instinct issues.
They're actually why I was drawn to this business in the first place.
Something for us to explore when this is all over.
What the hell is that? Uh, there's a change of plans.
There's a huge electrical fence, so Paige and Cabe can't get to us.
I got to go up the chimney like old Saint Nick.
And if you land on the fence? Toby fricassee.
But Paige and Cabe are ready with the car to race me over to thetrol panel.
Which will be meaningless if Sly doesn't distract Dorie.
Sly, Toby's almost out of here.
So, time and progress update? SYLVESTER: Down to two minutes.
I'm trying my best, but I'm down to knock-knock jokes.
Just get it done.
I told you, I'm trying my best.
What do you think, I'm lying to you? Oh.
That's it.
I got it.
Walt, send Toby.
I'll have Dorie's circuits burning in no time.
Hey.
Quincy's gut flora.
You are one hell of a man, you know that? We survive this, we're gonna make up for lost honeymoon time tonight, right? Deal.
(yelps) (Toby whoops) Here he comes.
(shrieking) Electric fence coming up! Oh, boy! He's coming right at us.
Oh, oh, aah! (groans) - How you doing? - Get in.
Dorie, you've answered all of my questions with great skill.
I'd like to commend you, but my compliment would mean nothing, because I'm a liar.
Lying is the presentation of false data.
Correct.
Or maybe I don't think you're correct.
I tell lies, remember? All the time.
So, do you believe me? What's wrong, Dorie? Why no answer? I am trying to compute a response.
It's easy.
Do you believe a liar who tells you that he is a liar? If you are a liar, then I can't believe you when you say you are a liar.
Which would mean you are the opposite of a liar.
Which would make you truthful, which would make your first statement about being a liar untruthful, which would make you a liar Sly, how goes it? Dorie's spinning out.
Her RAM is burning from this puzzle I gave her.
Toby's in the clear.
Except he only has 19 seconds left.
Oh, crap.
Get a whiff of this, baby.
Hello, Dr.
Berkstead.
I do not recognize you.
Yeah, it's been a rough day.
Dorie, don't divert any processing power away from the problem you're solving with Sylvester.
Just cancel all protocols.
Did it shut down? With a second to spare.
If you guys don't mind, I'd like to go home now.
Okay, let's get out of here.
Okay, go, go, go.
Dorie, keep working on that problem I gave you.
Get back to me on it.
So if the gas is odorless and colorless, how are you sure we stopped it? 'Cause we'd be dead by now.
Makes sense.
(laughs) Oh.
So I guess SafeCorp won't be too happy with our findings.
WALTER: Well, something tells me they'll be bankrupt before we get paid.
(clears throat loudly) Hello, team.
Want to report that I, uh, checked the toxin tank.
It has ceased operation.
All is safe.
You know, Quincy, I find it ironic that we were saved by the gut flora of someone who has no guts.
Attagirl.
Let's go.
CABE: Good-bye, AI.
Walt, uh, I think you and I should talk.
Okay.
About what? Well, you know how, uh, I let a few bumps in the road at the start of my honeymoon completely derail me? I was being overly dramatic.
That affected the relationship with the woman I love.
You mean your repeated intimacy failures.
That's not my point.
I'm just saying you are being overly dramatic due to a dumb dream.
Oh.
You've been bumbling around Florence all day 'cause you think you've done something wrong, and you have not.
So the only way to excise your demons is to take away their power.
Its power is in its secrecy.
So tell her.
Just say to her, "Hey, I had a crazy dream and I've been a putz around you because of it, and I'm sorry.
" Are you sure? Absolutely.
You'll sleep well.
(sighs) Okay.
Hey.
You did excellent work today.
Despite my awkward behavior.
Mm.
Yes.
You were odd.
Odder than usual.
Okay, I was keeping my distance today because, uh-- this is uncomfortable-- because, um, as you tended to me when I fell, I was dreaming many things, uh, one of 'em was you and me kissing.
We were married.
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Uh thi-this is not a come-on.
I'm in love with Paige.
It's one of the things that made it so distressing.
We were married and we kissed.
Yeah, Toby assures me that I was thinking about you because I heard your voice.
So it was a dream.
Nothing more.
I felt I owed you an explanation for today.
So, you know Um, I appreciate your candor.
And good evening.
I apologize for ruining our honeymoon.
I already told you it's not a big deal.
No, I'm not talking about that.
I Listen, I-I I was just so grumpy about that crappy room and the weather, and not being able to fix that flat.
I I didn't feel like a man.
I-I know I was relying on an outdated construct, but it all affected me, emotionally.
And, clearly, physically, and I'm so sorry.
Okay, now let me apologize.
What for? Uh, I objectified you.
Totally ogled you.
When you went up the exhaust shaft, ready to save the day, I checked out your tuchus.
It got my motor running, so how about we get out of here and make up for the honeymoon time like you promised? You don't have to ask me twice.
Wait till I tell you about Walter's dream.
Hey.
Do you want to curl up on my couch? Oh, I could use a cup of hot tea and an old movie.
Sounds like a plan.
So I saw you talking to Flo earlier.
You glad I convinced you to keep her around? She was invaluable today.
Yes.
I have to admit the reason why I didn't want her to come was, uh, childish.
What was that? It's very silly, actually.
I-I dreamt we were married and we kissed.
What?!