Wizards of Waverly Place s04e13 Episode Script

The Autumn Moon Feast is a great werewolf holiday.
We do this great ritual called "Find the Squeaky Bone.
" Whoever finds it gets to squeak it.
I've squeaked it five years in a row.
In your face, Uncle Walter.
Well, let's go so I can finally meet your parents.
My parents? Uh You know, the Autumn Moon Feast is a stupid holiday.
I'm not even going this year.
No, no, no, no, no.
The only stupid holidays are the ones where you still have to go to school.
Like Valentine's Day, or St.
Patrick's Day, or my birthday.
Come on, I really want to meet your parents.
Oh, look.
Magazines.
When did they put those there? I have a feeling that you don't want me to meet them.
Of course I want you to meet them.
It's just that the family feast is no place to get to know my parents.
It's messy and it's loud and my cousins have fleas.
OK, well then, bring your parents to the Sub Station.
I mean, we still have fleas, but at least it's quieter.
Oh, I have a feeling you're not gonna take "no" for an answer.
If more people got that about me, life would be so much easier for them.
Everything is not what it seems Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze That the end will no doubt justify the means You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease Yes, please But you might find out it'll go tyour head When you write a report on a book you never read With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed That's what I said Everything is not what it seems When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams You might run into trouble if you go to extremes Because everything is not what it seems Be careful not to mess with the balance of things Because everything is not What it seems OK, that's it, Jerry.
We've cleared out - all the leftovers.
- Great.
OK, Max.
Come and get my "End of the Week" breakfast scramble.
Dad, I didn't even like the food the first time around.
Why do we have to have it again? - Is that a sparerib? - Ah! I already called it.
Shouldn't a breakfast scramble at least have an egg in it? Fine, I'll put an egg in it.
Technically, it's not a leftover, but the ones we have are pretty old.
Put my stomach in a good mood, make this taste like kid food.
OK, Max, go get your brother.
We have to eat this while it's hot.
Otherwise, it'll get cold and your Dad will put whipped cream on it and make us eat it for dessert.
Mmm.
This is delicious.
Grab me a plate.
Mmm! It is delicious.
Forget the plate.
Get me a Jerry-sized spoon.
Where's breakfast? I hear there's an egg in it.
Egg.
I got the egg, I got the egg! Hey, that's my egg! No fair, I saw it first.
My egg! - Max! - Don't touch me.
What is going on? Why are Mom and Dad acting like a bunch of four-year-olds? Justin, I have no idea.
I mean, it couldn't have had anything to do with the kid food spell I put in their breakfast.
Cooties! Cooties! Oh, come on.
Kissy, kiss, kiss, kiss.
You think it had nothing to do with the spell? - Nah.
- Really? Well, now that you asked me twice, I'm getting my suspicions.
Just one little kiss.
Well, looks like I'm gonna have to fix this mess.
Just likalways.
No, you don't.
I'm the one who's gonna be the family wizard, not you.
OK, family wizard, fine.
Good luck with it.
Ew, ew, ew! I'm gonna kiss you! One little kiss.
Max did it.
What? Dude, I swear it wasn't me.
I was talking to you the whole time.
You saw me, right? OK, there she is.
Now remember, you're my parents, Grant and Linda.
You're both British, you were a ballerina, and you were a fighter pilot in the Royal Navy.
Yay, you're here! Alex, allow me to introduce my mother and father.
Hi, it's very nice to meet you, Mr.
and Mrs.
Greybeck.
I can see where Mason gets his last name.
Oh, my, Mason.
Is this the lovely lass of whom - you've been speaking about? - Top o' the mornin' to ya.
"Top o' the mornin'"? I didn't know that was a British saying.
Uh, correct.
It's Irish.
When I was a kid, we lived in Dublin.
Right, you have all the backstory.
Time to go.
No, no, no, wait! Wait, no.
Please tell me about when Mason was a kid.
- Have a seat.
- Oh, uh Well when he was a lad, he was, uh small and, uh young.
Oh! It really hit me how young he was.
Isn't that right, Grant? Yeah.
He was way younger than us.
Always has been.
Why do you sound American all of a sudden? I was a fighter pilot in the Royal Navy.
And I was a ballerina.
Well, then, I'm glad everyone met.
Let's go, Mommy and Daddy.
Oh, hey, Bill and Molly.
Why are you calling Mason's parents Bill and Molly? - Well, this should be good.
- They're not his parents.
They work at the craft store down the street.
You know, that one you call, "Harper, hurry up!" What's going on here, Mason? I didn't want you to meet my real parents, so I paid Bill and Molly to pretend to be my parents.
Uh, not yet, you didn't.
You guys were terrible.
I'm not paying you.
Yeah, you were pretty bad.
Let's go.
Like he believed you were a ballerina.
Hey, that wasn't my idea.
I can't believe you'd lie like that.
I know, I'm sorry.
It's just that my parents are always very judgmental of my girlfriends.
They've never liked any of them.
OK, well, that's no excuse for faking your parents.
It's not my fault you dated a bunch of losers until you met me.
Alex, I panicked.
I'm sorry.
Well, sorry isn't good enough.
You are taking me to the Autumn Moon Feast so your parents can see I'm the best girlfriend ever.
This is you.
You look like throw up.
Justin, good news.
I found a spell I think is gonna work.
It's the first thing in the book.
The "Table Contents.
" "Table of Contents" is not a spell.
Will you just admit you need my help? I can fix this with just one wave of the wand.
Please, I got this all under control.
Ah! Yummy cookies bring lots of cheers, gobble 'em up and add some years.
Who wants cookies? - Cookies! - Cookie, cookie! Mmm! What are you guys staring at? Do I have a zit? Ew.
I'm gonna change my status to say "not with her.
" Oh, don't break up with me.
I love you so much! I love you too, babe.
We're back together.
Teenagers.
Yep, you're getting closer.
Out of all the caves in the world, your parents choose the one in a sewer? It's under Manhattan.
It's worth a fortune.
Well, this is my parents' cave.
Those are my parents over there.
- Oh.
- Hello, Son.
Ah! And you must be Alex.
Ah.
- So nice to meet you.
- Ah! - She smells clean.
- Yes.
- Thank you.
- It's not a compliment.
- Clearly, she's a bather.
- Oh.
Well, don't worry.
We'll find you something to roll around in.
And you smell dreadful.
I did fall in the sewer on the way down, so - Nice touch.
- Hi, I'm Harper.
Very nice to meet you, Harper.
That is quite a creative ensemble.
I believe I recognize a fellow crafter when I see one, eh? Well, look at that, you totally hit it off.
We should get going.
This has been a lovely feast.
And there's the moon.
All done.
Nonsense, Mason.
This is the Autumn Moon Feast.
I have been crafting all week for this celebration.
- Would you like a tour? - Definitely.
Good, let's go.
Your mother is so awesome.
See, Mason? We can't leave.
This is your parents' chance to really get to know me.
Absolutely.
So, Alex, why don't you and your friend wolf up like Mason here so we can get this party started, eh, what? "Wolf up"? You told them I'm a werewolf? Hmm.
Yeah, see, I might have mentioned that.
Oh, look, they're serving chipmunks and dip.
Mason, why would you tell your parents I'm a werewolf? - You just keep lying.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
The truth is my parents only want me to date werewolf girls.
OK, but you're not dating a werewolf girl.
You're dating a smooth-skinned wizard.
Wouldn't it be easier if you just told them the truth? Unless you're ashamed of me.
Of course, I'm not ashamed of you.
But they won't understand.
Please, just go with it.
Use a spell to turn yourself into a werewolf.
So, you want me to pretend to be someone I'm not, instead of just telling them I'm a wizard.
See how easy that sounded? OK.
If this is how you want it to be.
Thank you, darling.
Alex, OK.
This place is everything I hoped it would be.
Who knew that a simple, red-headed girl born backstage at a nightclub in Nebraska, could have so much in common with a family of polite British werewolves? Mason told his parents I'm a werewolf.
He lied again? Well, what are you gonna do about it? If Mason wants a werewolf, I'm gonna give him the best werewolf ever.
Give us hair and fur, and big ol' teeth, for sure.
Oh, great.
The sideburns I never wanted.
Dad, that's my shirt.
Not anymore.
You teenagers are surprisingly cruel.
- Justin, I need your help.
- Wait.
Need my help? The next all-powerful Russo family wizard is admitting defeat? I'm confused here.
That's exactly right.
See, you're not confused at all.
All right.
Fine, I'll help.
It's actually a very simple spell.
I just gotta find my wand It's somewhere around here.
It's fine, you can just use mine.
All right.
Mine's gone, too.
Mom? Dad.
What did you do with our wands? I don't know.
What did you do with our freedom? Yeah.
I can't wait to get a job and move out of here.
OK.
And that was our traditional Autumn Moon Feast song, with a little extra chorus from Alex.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Alex, sweetheart.
No need to overdo it with the werewolf stuff.
Oh, I'm sorry, do you want me to stop? Because I can take my wand out right here, and un-werewolf myself in front of everybody.
No, no, werewolf on.
And now, it's time for our favorite ritual, "Find the Squeaky Bone.
" Whoever finds it, gets to squeak it.
Don't tell anyone, dear, all right, but this year as an added bonus, I marinated the squeaky bone all day in reindeer guts.
It's ever so festive.
All right.
Everyone ready? Let's Find that bone! I bet it's in here.
- Nope, I was wrong.
- Alex, take it easy.
Actually, I knew it wasn't in there.
Ooh! Maybe it's in the feast.
Well, now you're not even looking.
Well, of course I am! Just using my werewolf senses.
Oh! There it is! Found it! Alex, my love, what are you doing? You're embarrassing me in front of my family.
Oh, so you're embarrassed if I am a werewolf, and you're embarrassed if I'm not.
What would you like me to be for you, Mason? Mom, Dad.
You need to tell me where you put our wands.
- Turn that off.
- Hey! This generation of teenagers is mindless.
Max! Where have you been? We are in the middle of a teenage wasteland! Oh.
Hey, Jer, there's a party tonight at Talia's.
- You want to go? - Nah, she's lame.
- Hey, that's my girlfriend.
- Yeah.
That's why she's lame.
Let's go anyway.
Listen to me.
No one is going anywhere.
You two are grounded.
You hear me? Listen to me.
No one is going anywhere.
You two are grounded.
You hear me? I'll tell you guys what, OK? I'll make you a deal.
Huh? You give me the wands, and uh I'll let you go to the party tonight.
Huh? Do we have a deal? - Fine.
- Whatever.
Thank you.
In the back pocket.
In the couch.
- We didn't look very good.
- Unbelievable.
All right, quick, do the spell.
Eat-sa, Eat-sa, magic pizza.
Change 'em back from head to feetsa.
Hey, guys, why don't you come over here and grab a slice of pizza before you go? - Oh.
- Cool.
- Sure, thanks.
- Yeah, chow down.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
What is this mess?! I don't know.
But I'm pretty sure it has something to do with those two teenagers.
Boys, clean this up.
Ah.
They grow up so fast.
- Come on, go on then.
- Come on, girl! - She won't bite.
- Leave it! Leave it! - Leave it! - Alex, give the bone back.
There's a good girl.
- Good girl.
- Mason You never told us Alex was like this.
Like what? Really inappropriate and awful? I'm sorry, Mason, I did what you wanted, and it looks like it didn't work out.
Alex.
What are you talking about? You've been a wonderful addition to the Autumn Moon Feast.
- What? - Well, you embody everything to which us werewolves should aspire.
Vigor, enthusiasm.
Werewolve-withall! Darling.
In fact, we would like to present this year's "Horn of Plenty Award" to the Werewolf of the Feast, Alex Russo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Well done! As a matter of fact, Harper, why don't you do the honors? - No.
I'm OK.
- This is my masterpiece.
This entire thing is made out of dried sheep intestines.
If you wanted to have a little nibble, no one would blame you.
Try, go ahead.
All right.
That is That is it! You call this crafting, I call it sick.
You're all sick, you people are sick! Sick! - Did you hear that, Grant? - Yeah.
- She called my craft "sick.
" - Ah.
But you know, that's what the young people say these days - when they mean "good.
" - Oh.
Sick.
Yes! Here, dear.
- Sick.
- Yes! - Sick.
- We're terribly sick.
Alex, you did it.
They love you.
I knew you could pull it off.
Also, you have some badger meat left in your hair.
Mason, I want to go home.
No, stay.
It worked out so well.
Yeah, it worked out for you.
I was the perfect werewolf for you and your family, and now they have no idea who I really am.
Which seems to be how you want it, so you were right, I shouldn't have come.
Alex, wait.
There's nothing left to say, Mason.
No, there is.
I want everybody to listen.
Alex Russo is not a werewolf.
I only said she's a werewolf because I know that's what you wanted to hear.
And I was wrong to do that.
Alex is a wizard.
And I love her with all my heart.
Yes, it's very shocking.
We get it.
Alex, please Show them who you really are.
And as you can see, she's a wonderful wizard that I can't live without.
I hope you can all accept us.
Mason Darling, do you mean to say that you told your girlfriend to pretend to be a werewolf because of us? Yes, I did.
You've always been so judgmental about me dating anyone other than a werewolf.
That's because it's easier to date a werewolf, Son.
Nobody understands werewolves like other werewolves.
- No.
- You're wrong.
Alex understands me better than anybody.
Well, then, darling If you're happy, we're happy.
Really? No.
We're going to eat her.
What? Well, she destroyed all the food prepared for the feast.
She's kind of left us no choice, Son.
- Really.
- We're starving.
Go! And then he said *The nuts are complimentary*.
Alex, what's going on? Oh, well, since your real parents want to eat me, I thought it'd be best if I get to know your fake parents.
So, you were saying? Boy, has he dated some real dogs.
I love your fake parents.