You're The Worst (2014) s04e13 Episode Script
It's Always Been This Way
1 (UKULELE PLAYING) Señor, your trasheritas are ready.
(SNIFFS) (SEAGULLS SQUAWKING) Redonk.
We did it, dipshit.
Casa Vernon y Paul is finally reality.
(WOMAN'S VOICE): Dr.
Barbara? (BEEPS ELECTRONICALLY) Oh, shit.
(BEEPS ELECTRONICALLY) What heaven is this? It's here.
But it's also home.
- But - (BEEPS) (WOMAN'S VOICE): Doctor.
Dr.
Barbara! Dear God! - (SUSTAINED BEEP) - Wait.
- I-I need a second.
This is wrong.
- WOMAN: Wake up.
- I don't understand what's happening.
- WOMAN: Wake up! Wait a second! - What's happening?! - WOMAN: Wake up! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) - Doctor! What did you do? - MAN (OVER PA): Code Blue - in OR three.
- WOMAN: Get Cheryl on the phone.
- VERNON: No.
No.
No, no, no.
- Get another tray in here.
- Below 90 and dropping.
- No.
No.
No! Move it, now.
- Get gloves.
- Code Blue in OR three.
NURSE: Get Dr.
Weiss in here immediately.
We're losing her! I'm gonna leave you anyway I'm gonna leave you anyway Gonna leave you anyway.
Whoa.
Who burned your hot rod? Fancy a drive? Mmm.
Mmm.
Good job, player.
Walk of shame.
Macking on skeezoids - all night.
- I macked on zero skeezoids.
Doug made me the on-set writer.
You got a promotion.
- That's great.
- (SCOFFS) Yeah, that's what I thought, but turns out set is a nightmare.
I tried to give Paul F.
Tompkins a note, and he threw a Caesar wrap at my head.
Farts.
Sorry, bud.
They make you eat lunch in the middle of the night.
Some crew guy kept telling me rape jokes.
Do you think I was sent there as some sort of punishment? - Well - (RINGTONE PLAYS) Paul keeps calling me.
- Can you make him stop? - No.
He's kind of scary these days.
He's got a tattoo of a cartoon frog on his thigh.
There's nothing tougher than that.
Where's Jimmy?! (PANTING) Why do you look like a tampon? I messed up so bad, you guys.
I zoinked out and nicked an artery.
- I never should've operated.
- Vernon, you need to go home.
I can't go home.
The hospital cops are staking it out, fo' sho! Plus, Becca will murder me dead.
(YAWNING): I got to rest my eyes.
Linds, by the way, your bazingers are straight up b I never asked you how you got this car.
Didn't you? (CHUCKLES): I got it from No.
I don't want to know now.
Well, you didn't ask because you didn't want to know? I had other things on my mind.
So, tell me, what should I be dreaming of? I liked telling you everything, though.
Me, too.
You ruined that.
Who's gonna love you now? Look, a tunnel.
Ooh, let's hold our breath and make a wish.
No, thanks.
I know what I'm wishing for.
(GRETCHEN INHALES) Sayin' yeah Can't you hear the solar system - Sayin' yeah - (BRAKES SQUEAK) - Can't you feel the solar system - Ah.
Oh.
Eh.
(LAUGHS) Sayin' yeah Can't you hear the solar system Sayin' yeah Can't you feel the solar system sayin' yeah.
(EXHALES) (LAUGHS) (PHONE CHIMES) LINDSAY (OVER PHONE): Vernon showed up covered in blood.
I think he did something really bad.
Vernon finally did it! (LAUGHS) What? I had, like, March of next year.
What did you have again? - October this year.
- Ah.
- Damn it.
You won.
- (PHONE CHIMES) LINDSAY (OVER PHONE): Becca won't pick up.
She's probably drunk with Walter.
- Help.
- False alarm.
Becca's alive.
Take me to my car? (SIGHS) I'll drive you there.
Sounds like the Barbara clan have finally Chernobyl'd themselves.
I need to witness the fallout in IMAX.
(OVER PHONE): This is Becca.
Leave a message.
And if this is Liquor Barn, I hereby authorize you to leave the wine on the front porch.
I am over 25 - barely.
- (LINE BEEPS) Bec, it's me.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Pick up.
- Not how voice mail works.
- Pick up, pick up.
Why is Jimmy driving us? He wanted to help.
Why didn't you leave town? May be a change of plans.
- Just shush.
- (PHONE CHIMES) She just texted me a picture of her titties from some bar.
- Want to see? - Seen them.
Show me.
DUTCH (OVER PHONE): It's a lovely day at D.
B.
Industries.
This is Dutch.
Dutch, it's Edgar.
Put Doug on.
Doug's out of town.
Where you at? I was on set all night.
(DUTCH LAUGHS) I want to wrap myself up In your loving BT dubs, - you're welcome.
- For what? You.
Jimmy.
Hanging out all nice.
So what? Sew buttons.
I made this happen.
I "grouched" Boone.
You hid in a trash can? - What did you say to him? - I just suggested he pump the brakes on your relaish.
Ow.
This is the worst thing you have ever done to me! I did it for Olivia.
You have no idea what you did.
BECCA: Where are we going? We're taking you to your husband.
- No! No.
No, no, no.
- Whoa.
- No.
No.
No.
No.
- Come on.
Okay.
Okay.
No.
- No, no, no.
No.
Mmm.
- Easy.
Hey.
You okay, sis? N-No.
Why not? (COUGHS) I'm just not okay.
You can tell me.
I help people now.
When's the last time you were happy? Never.
When I was pregnant.
Ugh.
I'm gonna get a Lyft to the Palisades.
I need answers.
Well, I'll drive you there after we drop Becca off.
What's one more stop? BECCA (SLURRING): What's happening? Uh, where are you taking her?! We still have credits on Golden Tee.
Walter! Wait for me.
I love you! Becca! - LINDSAY: Vernon, wake up.
- VERNON: Whoa.
Did we finally knock boots? How many times did I gaz? Oh, man! You narced me out! You fell asleep during surg? I was tossing a new hip into old Fay Yoder and passed out.
I'm so tired, boo.
- Is she dead? - I don't know, dummy.
I ran out of the hospital, smashed my phone on a rock, and taped the SIM card to a stray dog.
I got no insurance.
What?! I let my insurance lapse.
(GASPS) I'm calling the hospital.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Gi Give me my phone! No! Here you are.
What do you want, Paul? I need a letter of recommendation.
The adoption agency says I'll have a better chance with a character witness.
You're getting a baby? I'm trying.
I was rejected from most reputable agencies because of my recent foray into incendiary political movements.
I didn't know what they stood for.
I-I just thought they were a bunch of guys who dressed well and felt picked on, too.
(SIGHS) I just want someone to love and take care of.
But who am I kidding? They'll never pick me.
What are these texts to Walter?! Why'd you write you want to "suck the gay out of him through his dick hole"? Because I'm not happy! VERNON: You're not happy? I'm not happy! No one's happy! - I'm not happy.
- Paul's not happy.
BECCA: I don't care if Paul's happy.
I'm talking about whether I'm happy.
- PAUL: Yeah, but I'm not happy.
- VERNON: Who cares if you're happy? - PAUL: I'm not happy.
- VERNON: I'm happy.
- I'd like to be happy, too.
- BECCA: I was born special, and I was born deserving happiness, and now look at me, I'm miserable, I'm married to you.
I need to talk to Doug.
Sorry, man.
He's meeting with Raúl Castro and Al Franken at the Ministerio del Interior.
Shit, I didn't tell you that.
I need someone to tell me - what's going on.
- MAX: I can explain.
I'll leave you two alone.
I'll be in the float tank.
First we get split up, then I get exiled to set, and now you're ducking my calls? What did I do? I-I mean, I don't, I don't mean to be overdramatic and assume - it's me or anything, but - No, it's you.
I told Doug I don't want to work with you anymore.
You triggered me.
Telling me about sad things and poor people Why would you put that on me? I'm having trouble sleeping.
I have PTSD from your war stories.
I have PTSD from war.
You know, Max, I'm starting to think you're just some rich kid - who's never had any adversity.
- It's totally true.
The worst day of my life was in eighth grade when my dog Clarice got hip dysplasia.
Oh, no.
Did she die? No, she's fine.
We got her a drone.
Come on, girl.
(DRONE BLADES WHIRRING) - (WHIMPERS) - She's 20.
She can't see or hear you.
I thought I was ready to get in the muck with you, but it turns out I just want to chill out with simple people who don't make me sad, like Dutch and Seth MacFarlane.
- (SCOFFS) - But you don't deserve to be on set.
Paul F.
Tompkins is a bad, bad man.
We were at a party once in Venice, and he stuffed a crow into a dishwasher.
I'll get Doug to fix it.
Thanks.
(SIGHS) Okay, bye-bye.
That looked bad.
Oh, no.
I mean (CHUCKLES) Max can't be my friend anymore, but he's a good guy.
Uh, no, he's not.
He's repulsive.
And not because he has a 13-year-old's mustache and calls Manhattans "hatties," but because he puts conditions on your friendship.
I mean, I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing for my personal growth were I to try to be more available for your stories and whatnot.
Uh, at this point, I think that might be too weird.
Okay.
Phew.
You know maybe it's time I be my own main dude.
I'm gonna walk for a bit.
Good luck.
So, should I Should I take you back? Not yet.
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING, WAVES SPLASHING) It's cold A.
F.
out here.
Oh, I have my flannel in the car.
- I'll get it for you.
- No! This time, I'll get it.
Oh (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Hey.
I'm moving in with Boone.
(SIGHS) Well that's good news, isn't it? Yeah, it is good.
We're down a road.
He has a kid.
She's cute.
- Why? - He asked.
He put himself out there.
He said he wanted me, and that means something.
But you're leaving town, right? The bags in your trunk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm moving to Cape Coral.
I heard you can swim in Hemingway's pool.
I just thought I should say good-bye.
I'm glad you did.
If it's possible, one day I'd still like to know you, Gretchen.
You know that's never gonna happen.
I know what needs to happen.
Paul, you are going to pay Becca to surrogate your baby.
(ALL LAUGHING) No.
- Lindsay, that's truly insane.
- He isn't.
Paul, you deserve to have a family, even if you have lesbian hair and hate Thelma & Louise.
When two women take the law into their own hands, they're considered heroes.
But when Sheriff David Clarke No! No.
Becca, you guys are going to need money to cover the inevitable lawsuit.
Besides, you were the happiest you've ever been when you were pregnant.
Everyone gave me presents and wanted to touch me.
Where am I going to get an ovum? Just use mine, already.
Of course, that will heavily increase my fee.
Paul's got so much love in him.
He's not going away.
Maybe now the Cottumaccio family cycle will finally get broken.
Um, Tallulah is a great baby.
- (CLICKS TONGUE) Mm - Eh I mean, is she? And Vernon? In.
I'm in.
(PAUL CHUCKLES) I guess I'll have my lawyers draw up a contract.
(LAUGHS) Just as long as I get to watch.
Ew! They do it in a lab.
To be discussed.
(PHONE CHIMES) I'm a helper.
Like that glove that makes hamburgers.
(BRAKES SQUEAKING) I'm sorry I burned your car.
(SNIFFLES) This guy hadn't even seen a computer till I introduced it to him.
I think I should get at least a million for that.
- (WHITNEY AND NEIL CHUCKLE) - BOONE: Babe! We just cracked this Malbec.
You remember Whitney.
- Oh Hi! - Hi! Whitney! - Gretchen? How are you? - So nice to see you, yet again, - here, now.
- Yeah, of course.
Gretchen, will you help me with my poster for science class? Sure, kiddo.
Go get your crayons.
No flesh color, 'cause racism.
Neil was just telling us about growing up with Mark Zuckerberg.
NEIL: We invented this game using bottle caps.
And the next thing I know, he's published it in the school paper, with his name as the only author.
I couldn't believe it.
To this day, I have not joined Facebook.
- (GRUNTS) - (SCREAMS) - Oh, shit! - (NEIL GROANS) I'm sorry, Boone.
I had to do it.
That's not Boone! That's Whitney's husband! Mm Uh what is your name again? - Neil! - Neil, right.
Wait, so is this the single mum that you finger-bombed? What?! No! Is there anyone in this house who hasn't fingered my wife?! Olivia can hear you.
I don't care! Olivia hates me! I overheard her the other day calling me Fatty McFartface.
Well, she is the fartface! - Don't call my kid a fartface.
- (GROANS) You do not touch me ever again! - Boone, I'm sorry - (GRUNTING) - (SHOUTING) - Oh, God.
- Get, get - Let go, Boone! - Get off him! Now! - (GROANS) We're leaving! Screw all of you! (WHIMPERS) (PANTING) Gretchen, I know this man represents acceptance and security and nights binging prestige dramas, but I couldn't live one more day if I didn't at least fight - for another chance - Hey! No.
- Hmm? - You're done, Jimmy.
No, no! Lay off! The three months I spent away from you made me realize exactly what a terrible mistake I made! You don't know how sorry I am! I'm so sorry.
- (BOONE GRUNTS) - No! You don't get to apologize! I didn't leave Lindsay's shithole apartment for that entire three months! I bought in, finally, after a lifetime of being too goddamned scared, and you punished me for it! Hey, hey, it's okay.
Stop.
Just (PANTING) It just confirmed what I have always known.
At the end of the day, I'm unlovable.
Fundamentally.
Always have been.
And you fell for me? Joke is on you! Gretchen, no.
(STAMMERS) My leaving had literally nothing to do with you! I am tremendously messed up.
(PANTING) No, you left because I suck.
I left because I suck.
Do you really think you're unlovable? JIMMY: You are very lovable! Shut up.
You are very lovable.
Look, yes, I got scared.
But I have changed.
I saw your bags packed in your car.
Why would I be with someone who is always ready to bounce when things get rough? See? Gretchen is happy here.
I am a nice, successful, stable person, and you're a bad guy who left a girl on a hill.
And you only asked me to move in because Lindsay told you not to.
- No, I was going to anyway.
- Gretchen, please.
- It's just, maybe not at that time.
- Every single day, - I have met these people - But I was going to Stop! Oh, my God.
You guys are right.
My stupid parents made me feel like I wasn't enough, so I wait around for someone to tell me I'm worthy? That's insane.
I don't want to do that anymore.
(PANTING) Guys, I'm sorry.
I choose (PANTING) I choose myself.
(DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) (SNIFFLES) (ENGINE STARTS) Jimmy! Jimmy! (BRAKES SQUEAK) (EXHALES) Why? You fought for me.
(SNIFFLES) And, besides, you looked so sad when I left, I realize I now have the power to destroy you.
And why would I give that up? (DOOR OPENS) Shit.
Drive.
(TIRES SCREECH) Farts.
(SIGHS) (BRAKES SQUEAKING) Oh, by the way Yeah.
Okay.
(SIGHS) So, what are we thinking, October? October could work.
- (CHUCKLES) - (HORN HONKS) - What the hell is wrong with you?! - Who honks like that?! - What are you, an ambulance? - How dare you! My fiancée - and I are talking! - Didn't think so! - You should just wait! - You stupid cow! - Jesus, some people.
- Really.
Has got a violent streak I think my face looks like glass But my body feels plastic Melt me into a bottle I wish that I was a baby Sucking on myself Boogie down to the water I thought that maybe I could be the lake's daughter Because I float like an infant inside of it Wait, it's too late It's got
(SNIFFS) (SEAGULLS SQUAWKING) Redonk.
We did it, dipshit.
Casa Vernon y Paul is finally reality.
(WOMAN'S VOICE): Dr.
Barbara? (BEEPS ELECTRONICALLY) Oh, shit.
(BEEPS ELECTRONICALLY) What heaven is this? It's here.
But it's also home.
- But - (BEEPS) (WOMAN'S VOICE): Doctor.
Dr.
Barbara! Dear God! - (SUSTAINED BEEP) - Wait.
- I-I need a second.
This is wrong.
- WOMAN: Wake up.
- I don't understand what's happening.
- WOMAN: Wake up! Wait a second! - What's happening?! - WOMAN: Wake up! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) - Doctor! What did you do? - MAN (OVER PA): Code Blue - in OR three.
- WOMAN: Get Cheryl on the phone.
- VERNON: No.
No.
No, no, no.
- Get another tray in here.
- Below 90 and dropping.
- No.
No.
No! Move it, now.
- Get gloves.
- Code Blue in OR three.
NURSE: Get Dr.
Weiss in here immediately.
We're losing her! I'm gonna leave you anyway I'm gonna leave you anyway Gonna leave you anyway.
Whoa.
Who burned your hot rod? Fancy a drive? Mmm.
Mmm.
Good job, player.
Walk of shame.
Macking on skeezoids - all night.
- I macked on zero skeezoids.
Doug made me the on-set writer.
You got a promotion.
- That's great.
- (SCOFFS) Yeah, that's what I thought, but turns out set is a nightmare.
I tried to give Paul F.
Tompkins a note, and he threw a Caesar wrap at my head.
Farts.
Sorry, bud.
They make you eat lunch in the middle of the night.
Some crew guy kept telling me rape jokes.
Do you think I was sent there as some sort of punishment? - Well - (RINGTONE PLAYS) Paul keeps calling me.
- Can you make him stop? - No.
He's kind of scary these days.
He's got a tattoo of a cartoon frog on his thigh.
There's nothing tougher than that.
Where's Jimmy?! (PANTING) Why do you look like a tampon? I messed up so bad, you guys.
I zoinked out and nicked an artery.
- I never should've operated.
- Vernon, you need to go home.
I can't go home.
The hospital cops are staking it out, fo' sho! Plus, Becca will murder me dead.
(YAWNING): I got to rest my eyes.
Linds, by the way, your bazingers are straight up b I never asked you how you got this car.
Didn't you? (CHUCKLES): I got it from No.
I don't want to know now.
Well, you didn't ask because you didn't want to know? I had other things on my mind.
So, tell me, what should I be dreaming of? I liked telling you everything, though.
Me, too.
You ruined that.
Who's gonna love you now? Look, a tunnel.
Ooh, let's hold our breath and make a wish.
No, thanks.
I know what I'm wishing for.
(GRETCHEN INHALES) Sayin' yeah Can't you hear the solar system - Sayin' yeah - (BRAKES SQUEAK) - Can't you feel the solar system - Ah.
Oh.
Eh.
(LAUGHS) Sayin' yeah Can't you hear the solar system Sayin' yeah Can't you feel the solar system sayin' yeah.
(EXHALES) (LAUGHS) (PHONE CHIMES) LINDSAY (OVER PHONE): Vernon showed up covered in blood.
I think he did something really bad.
Vernon finally did it! (LAUGHS) What? I had, like, March of next year.
What did you have again? - October this year.
- Ah.
- Damn it.
You won.
- (PHONE CHIMES) LINDSAY (OVER PHONE): Becca won't pick up.
She's probably drunk with Walter.
- Help.
- False alarm.
Becca's alive.
Take me to my car? (SIGHS) I'll drive you there.
Sounds like the Barbara clan have finally Chernobyl'd themselves.
I need to witness the fallout in IMAX.
(OVER PHONE): This is Becca.
Leave a message.
And if this is Liquor Barn, I hereby authorize you to leave the wine on the front porch.
I am over 25 - barely.
- (LINE BEEPS) Bec, it's me.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Pick up.
- Not how voice mail works.
- Pick up, pick up.
Why is Jimmy driving us? He wanted to help.
Why didn't you leave town? May be a change of plans.
- Just shush.
- (PHONE CHIMES) She just texted me a picture of her titties from some bar.
- Want to see? - Seen them.
Show me.
DUTCH (OVER PHONE): It's a lovely day at D.
B.
Industries.
This is Dutch.
Dutch, it's Edgar.
Put Doug on.
Doug's out of town.
Where you at? I was on set all night.
(DUTCH LAUGHS) I want to wrap myself up In your loving BT dubs, - you're welcome.
- For what? You.
Jimmy.
Hanging out all nice.
So what? Sew buttons.
I made this happen.
I "grouched" Boone.
You hid in a trash can? - What did you say to him? - I just suggested he pump the brakes on your relaish.
Ow.
This is the worst thing you have ever done to me! I did it for Olivia.
You have no idea what you did.
BECCA: Where are we going? We're taking you to your husband.
- No! No.
No, no, no.
- Whoa.
- No.
No.
No.
No.
- Come on.
Okay.
Okay.
No.
- No, no, no.
No.
Mmm.
- Easy.
Hey.
You okay, sis? N-No.
Why not? (COUGHS) I'm just not okay.
You can tell me.
I help people now.
When's the last time you were happy? Never.
When I was pregnant.
Ugh.
I'm gonna get a Lyft to the Palisades.
I need answers.
Well, I'll drive you there after we drop Becca off.
What's one more stop? BECCA (SLURRING): What's happening? Uh, where are you taking her?! We still have credits on Golden Tee.
Walter! Wait for me.
I love you! Becca! - LINDSAY: Vernon, wake up.
- VERNON: Whoa.
Did we finally knock boots? How many times did I gaz? Oh, man! You narced me out! You fell asleep during surg? I was tossing a new hip into old Fay Yoder and passed out.
I'm so tired, boo.
- Is she dead? - I don't know, dummy.
I ran out of the hospital, smashed my phone on a rock, and taped the SIM card to a stray dog.
I got no insurance.
What?! I let my insurance lapse.
(GASPS) I'm calling the hospital.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Gi Give me my phone! No! Here you are.
What do you want, Paul? I need a letter of recommendation.
The adoption agency says I'll have a better chance with a character witness.
You're getting a baby? I'm trying.
I was rejected from most reputable agencies because of my recent foray into incendiary political movements.
I didn't know what they stood for.
I-I just thought they were a bunch of guys who dressed well and felt picked on, too.
(SIGHS) I just want someone to love and take care of.
But who am I kidding? They'll never pick me.
What are these texts to Walter?! Why'd you write you want to "suck the gay out of him through his dick hole"? Because I'm not happy! VERNON: You're not happy? I'm not happy! No one's happy! - I'm not happy.
- Paul's not happy.
BECCA: I don't care if Paul's happy.
I'm talking about whether I'm happy.
- PAUL: Yeah, but I'm not happy.
- VERNON: Who cares if you're happy? - PAUL: I'm not happy.
- VERNON: I'm happy.
- I'd like to be happy, too.
- BECCA: I was born special, and I was born deserving happiness, and now look at me, I'm miserable, I'm married to you.
I need to talk to Doug.
Sorry, man.
He's meeting with Raúl Castro and Al Franken at the Ministerio del Interior.
Shit, I didn't tell you that.
I need someone to tell me - what's going on.
- MAX: I can explain.
I'll leave you two alone.
I'll be in the float tank.
First we get split up, then I get exiled to set, and now you're ducking my calls? What did I do? I-I mean, I don't, I don't mean to be overdramatic and assume - it's me or anything, but - No, it's you.
I told Doug I don't want to work with you anymore.
You triggered me.
Telling me about sad things and poor people Why would you put that on me? I'm having trouble sleeping.
I have PTSD from your war stories.
I have PTSD from war.
You know, Max, I'm starting to think you're just some rich kid - who's never had any adversity.
- It's totally true.
The worst day of my life was in eighth grade when my dog Clarice got hip dysplasia.
Oh, no.
Did she die? No, she's fine.
We got her a drone.
Come on, girl.
(DRONE BLADES WHIRRING) - (WHIMPERS) - She's 20.
She can't see or hear you.
I thought I was ready to get in the muck with you, but it turns out I just want to chill out with simple people who don't make me sad, like Dutch and Seth MacFarlane.
- (SCOFFS) - But you don't deserve to be on set.
Paul F.
Tompkins is a bad, bad man.
We were at a party once in Venice, and he stuffed a crow into a dishwasher.
I'll get Doug to fix it.
Thanks.
(SIGHS) Okay, bye-bye.
That looked bad.
Oh, no.
I mean (CHUCKLES) Max can't be my friend anymore, but he's a good guy.
Uh, no, he's not.
He's repulsive.
And not because he has a 13-year-old's mustache and calls Manhattans "hatties," but because he puts conditions on your friendship.
I mean, I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing for my personal growth were I to try to be more available for your stories and whatnot.
Uh, at this point, I think that might be too weird.
Okay.
Phew.
You know maybe it's time I be my own main dude.
I'm gonna walk for a bit.
Good luck.
So, should I Should I take you back? Not yet.
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING, WAVES SPLASHING) It's cold A.
F.
out here.
Oh, I have my flannel in the car.
- I'll get it for you.
- No! This time, I'll get it.
Oh (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Hey.
I'm moving in with Boone.
(SIGHS) Well that's good news, isn't it? Yeah, it is good.
We're down a road.
He has a kid.
She's cute.
- Why? - He asked.
He put himself out there.
He said he wanted me, and that means something.
But you're leaving town, right? The bags in your trunk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm moving to Cape Coral.
I heard you can swim in Hemingway's pool.
I just thought I should say good-bye.
I'm glad you did.
If it's possible, one day I'd still like to know you, Gretchen.
You know that's never gonna happen.
I know what needs to happen.
Paul, you are going to pay Becca to surrogate your baby.
(ALL LAUGHING) No.
- Lindsay, that's truly insane.
- He isn't.
Paul, you deserve to have a family, even if you have lesbian hair and hate Thelma & Louise.
When two women take the law into their own hands, they're considered heroes.
But when Sheriff David Clarke No! No.
Becca, you guys are going to need money to cover the inevitable lawsuit.
Besides, you were the happiest you've ever been when you were pregnant.
Everyone gave me presents and wanted to touch me.
Where am I going to get an ovum? Just use mine, already.
Of course, that will heavily increase my fee.
Paul's got so much love in him.
He's not going away.
Maybe now the Cottumaccio family cycle will finally get broken.
Um, Tallulah is a great baby.
- (CLICKS TONGUE) Mm - Eh I mean, is she? And Vernon? In.
I'm in.
(PAUL CHUCKLES) I guess I'll have my lawyers draw up a contract.
(LAUGHS) Just as long as I get to watch.
Ew! They do it in a lab.
To be discussed.
(PHONE CHIMES) I'm a helper.
Like that glove that makes hamburgers.
(BRAKES SQUEAKING) I'm sorry I burned your car.
(SNIFFLES) This guy hadn't even seen a computer till I introduced it to him.
I think I should get at least a million for that.
- (WHITNEY AND NEIL CHUCKLE) - BOONE: Babe! We just cracked this Malbec.
You remember Whitney.
- Oh Hi! - Hi! Whitney! - Gretchen? How are you? - So nice to see you, yet again, - here, now.
- Yeah, of course.
Gretchen, will you help me with my poster for science class? Sure, kiddo.
Go get your crayons.
No flesh color, 'cause racism.
Neil was just telling us about growing up with Mark Zuckerberg.
NEIL: We invented this game using bottle caps.
And the next thing I know, he's published it in the school paper, with his name as the only author.
I couldn't believe it.
To this day, I have not joined Facebook.
- (GRUNTS) - (SCREAMS) - Oh, shit! - (NEIL GROANS) I'm sorry, Boone.
I had to do it.
That's not Boone! That's Whitney's husband! Mm Uh what is your name again? - Neil! - Neil, right.
Wait, so is this the single mum that you finger-bombed? What?! No! Is there anyone in this house who hasn't fingered my wife?! Olivia can hear you.
I don't care! Olivia hates me! I overheard her the other day calling me Fatty McFartface.
Well, she is the fartface! - Don't call my kid a fartface.
- (GROANS) You do not touch me ever again! - Boone, I'm sorry - (GRUNTING) - (SHOUTING) - Oh, God.
- Get, get - Let go, Boone! - Get off him! Now! - (GROANS) We're leaving! Screw all of you! (WHIMPERS) (PANTING) Gretchen, I know this man represents acceptance and security and nights binging prestige dramas, but I couldn't live one more day if I didn't at least fight - for another chance - Hey! No.
- Hmm? - You're done, Jimmy.
No, no! Lay off! The three months I spent away from you made me realize exactly what a terrible mistake I made! You don't know how sorry I am! I'm so sorry.
- (BOONE GRUNTS) - No! You don't get to apologize! I didn't leave Lindsay's shithole apartment for that entire three months! I bought in, finally, after a lifetime of being too goddamned scared, and you punished me for it! Hey, hey, it's okay.
Stop.
Just (PANTING) It just confirmed what I have always known.
At the end of the day, I'm unlovable.
Fundamentally.
Always have been.
And you fell for me? Joke is on you! Gretchen, no.
(STAMMERS) My leaving had literally nothing to do with you! I am tremendously messed up.
(PANTING) No, you left because I suck.
I left because I suck.
Do you really think you're unlovable? JIMMY: You are very lovable! Shut up.
You are very lovable.
Look, yes, I got scared.
But I have changed.
I saw your bags packed in your car.
Why would I be with someone who is always ready to bounce when things get rough? See? Gretchen is happy here.
I am a nice, successful, stable person, and you're a bad guy who left a girl on a hill.
And you only asked me to move in because Lindsay told you not to.
- No, I was going to anyway.
- Gretchen, please.
- It's just, maybe not at that time.
- Every single day, - I have met these people - But I was going to Stop! Oh, my God.
You guys are right.
My stupid parents made me feel like I wasn't enough, so I wait around for someone to tell me I'm worthy? That's insane.
I don't want to do that anymore.
(PANTING) Guys, I'm sorry.
I choose (PANTING) I choose myself.
(DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) (SNIFFLES) (ENGINE STARTS) Jimmy! Jimmy! (BRAKES SQUEAK) (EXHALES) Why? You fought for me.
(SNIFFLES) And, besides, you looked so sad when I left, I realize I now have the power to destroy you.
And why would I give that up? (DOOR OPENS) Shit.
Drive.
(TIRES SCREECH) Farts.
(SIGHS) (BRAKES SQUEAKING) Oh, by the way Yeah.
Okay.
(SIGHS) So, what are we thinking, October? October could work.
- (CHUCKLES) - (HORN HONKS) - What the hell is wrong with you?! - Who honks like that?! - What are you, an ambulance? - How dare you! My fiancée - and I are talking! - Didn't think so! - You should just wait! - You stupid cow! - Jesus, some people.
- Really.
Has got a violent streak I think my face looks like glass But my body feels plastic Melt me into a bottle I wish that I was a baby Sucking on myself Boogie down to the water I thought that maybe I could be the lake's daughter Because I float like an infant inside of it Wait, it's too late It's got