I Love Lucy (1951) s04e14 Episode Script
First Stop
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) Gee, this is interesting country.
I didn't know there were so many farms in Ohio.
Oh, sure.
Are you sure this is Ohio? Well, it'd better be.
We just left Pennsylvania and we're headed for Indiana.
"50 Miles To Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines.
" Well, we're closing in on her! The first sign we saw said, "200 Miles To Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines.
" I'm surprised she has time to make pralines; she's so busy making signs.
(guffawing) You know, I've been thinking about those pralines for so many miles, I just got to have some.
How about something to eat? I'm hungry.
Oh, we've got to get more mileage today, Fred.
"Got to get more mileage today, Fred!" Mileage.
Honey, we're all hungry.
Well, there'll be plenty of good places to eat up ahead.
"49 miles To Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines.
" Is there anything left in that lunch basket, Ethel? A stale sandwich and a grape.
Let me have the grape.
Honey, when are you gonna stop and get something to eat? We're hungry.
I'll stop at the next decent town we come to.
Oh, you've been saying that for the last hour.
Yeah.
I don't think I'll make it.
Me, either.
Hey, we still got that stale sandwich! Don't bother looking in the cupboard, Mother Hubbard.
It's bare.
Fred, when did you eat that sandwich? it's not safe to shut your eyes around here.
Wait a minute.
"One Mile To Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines.
" That's where we're gonna have dinner! Oh, I can't make a meal out of pecan pralines.
Well, we can at least buy a bag to munch on until Mr.
Mileage here decides to stop for dinner.
Well, that's a thought.
Anyway, we just got to drop in on Aunt Sally.
I feel like she's an old friend.
"300 Yards To Aunt Sally's"! "200 Yards!" "100 yards!" "Just Around The Bend!" "You Have Just Passed Aunt Sally's.
" Passed! Where was it? I didn't see a thing! Stop the car, Ricky, back up! Okay.
Must be that shed over there.
There's a sign on the door, but I can't see it from here.
Drive on.
What did the sign say? Out of business.
I knew Aunt Sally was spending too much money on those signs.
Hey, I think I see some lights.
Oh, I hope it's a cafe! It is! I hope it's a nice one.
Well, we're gonna stop there no matter what it's like.
Really, Ricky? That a boy! Yeah.
I'm hungry, too.
Boy, this place doesn't look any too hot, does it? Well, we're here now, so let's give it a try, huh? Oh, yeah, food, food.
Oh, at least they've got a great big selection of food.
Yeah.
Hey, I know what I want.
One of those steak sandwiches with some French fries and coleslaw.
Oh, a steak sandwich! Hiya, folks! Welcome to One Oak.
Welcome to One Oak.
Cabins and Cafe.
Yes, sir.
George Skinner at your service.
How do you do, Mr.
Skinner? Hello.
How do you do? What'll it be? Well, I'll have the steak sandwich, rare, with the French fries.
Uh, steak sandwich.
I'll have that, too.
I'll have the same.
Me, too.
We're all out of steak sandwiches.
Oh, you are? Gee, I had my mouth all set for one.
Yeah.
Well well, I think I'll have the roast beef, rare, with a baked potato, then.
Roast beef, that's for me.
I'll vote for that.
Make it four.
We're out of roast beef, too.
Let me see here.
Hey, that fried chicken with biscuits sounds good.
Any point in running that chicken around the table? All out.
Well, look, we're going at this thing all wrong.
Why don't you just tell us what you have and then we'll order.
All righty.
How about the specialty of the house? What's that? A cheese sandwich.
A cheese sandwich? Is that all you've got? I don't feel like a cheese sandwich.
Well, now, come on, folks, I can't wait all night.
What would you like? The name of the nearest good restaurant.
Lucy, please.
Well Well, in fact, there is a place ten miles up the highway called "The Golden Drumstick.
" The sign says, "Turkey dinner with all the trimmings, "dressing, cranberry sauce, green salad and homemade peach shortcake.
" One dollar.
One dollar? And only ten miles from here, you said? Just ten miles? Right on the highway, you can't miss it.
Oh, homemade peach shortcake! That's for me.
Thanks for telling us about it.
Thanks a lot, Mr.
Skinner.
Gee, how can they afford to serve all that for one dollar? SKINNER: It's impossible.
That's why they went broke.
And there's not another thing clean to Cincinnati.
Well, group, what do you say? FRED: Well, I'm so hungry I can't go another mile.
ETHEL: Oh, me either.
All right, Mr.
Skinner.
Four specialties of the house.
Coming up.
Gee, I hope they're good.
Well, what can you do to a cheese sandwich? I, uh, hope you didn't go to too much trouble.
Oh, no trouble.
I just buy them from the salesman when he comes around.
That salesman hasn't been around here lately, has he? Let's get out of here, huh? Yes.
Uh, how much do we owe you? Well, let's see.
That's four specialties of the house.
Here you are.
$4.
80! Well, uh the sandwiches are a dollar apiece and 80 cents is the entertainment tax.
Entertainment tax! Yup.
The whole show is just about to start.
Ah! (off-key): Baby dear, listen here I'm afraid to go home in the dark Every day, the I'll pay! I'll pay! I'll pay! I'll pay.
and the YMCA I'll pay.
Look, there you are.
Thank you very much.
There's your change.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Happy hunting.
FRED: Oh, dear.
What a character.
"Baby dear"! Yeah.
RICKY: Oh, I sure hate think to drive all the way to Cincinnati now.
Well, I'd take the wheel, Rick, but I'm too sleepy.
Well, let me drive, Ricky.
Well, I don't know, honey.
Oh, go on, there's no traffic now.
Okay.
I'll keep an eye on you.
Okay.
(Ricky grunting) (engine starts) Next stop, Cincinnati! Here we are.
Wake up, everybody, come on.
RICKY (groaning): No.
LUCY: Wake up, we're here.
Come on, hurry up.
(others grumbling) Everybody out! Are we in Cincinnati? No, sir.
We're at the Oh, no! Uh, back in the car, everybody.
Back in the car.
Lucy, now, what is what's going on? What are, what are you doing? Well, I Oh, we're not back in the same place! We are unless there's a chain of these across the country.
Oh, no.
Lucy! Well, I was only trying to help.
I saw a sign that said, "Good accommodations, good food" and an arrow saying, "Take this road.
" And somehow I wound up back here.
Well, as long as we're here, we're in no condition to continue.
We'll stay right here.
Here? In Lower Slobovia? Look, Fred, there's one good thing about this place.
It's here.
Let's make the best of it.
Come on.
I'm afraid to go I'm afraid to go I'm afraid to go Welcome back, folks.
I've been waiting for you.
What? That sign I put up really works, don't it? Takes you right around in a circle.
(cackling) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Look, uh, uh, we decided to stay here for the night.
We'd like a couple of cabins, please.
Well, I've only got one.
The price is eight dollars.
You only got one left? I've only got one.
That's all I ever had.
It'll sleep four.
Well, let's take it.
I-I'm tired.
Well, it's only eight dollars.
Well, it'll be 16.
Eight dollars a couple.
Eight dollars, $16, who cares? Oh, he is tired! Come on.
Well, follow me.
Go ahead.
Well, here we are.
Well, back in the car, everybody.
Just a minute, just a minute, honey.
As long as we're here, we might as well stay here.
Sleep tight.
Thanks.
Who wants to sleep where? It doesn't matter to me.
Me either.
Well, all right, all right.
We'll take the bunk.
Okay.
Okay, we'll take the bed.
Uh Maybe we'd better take turns changing in that room, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I'll go first.
Oh I forgot my toothpaste.
LUCY: Oh.
Hey, honey, this bed doesn't look too bad.
I hope it isn't hard.
Whoa! Oh, fine.
Well, at least it's a bed.
This isn't a bed, it's a canoe.
Oh, no! I don't believe this.
Come over here, honey.
I'll help you up.
(train approaching) What was that? Yeah.
(train whistle blowing loudly) (loud, sustained chugging and rumbling) (train noise intensifying) (train noise subsiding) Ethel, are you all right? Ethel! Ethel, I can't sleep up here.
Why not? You know very well that high altitudes make my nose bleed.
High altitudes make him Oh, why didn't you say so before? Well, I wanted you to warm the bunk up for me.
What a sneaky character I married! Come on! All right, all right.
Get on Get in there.
Can't get out under here.
I just don't like you being so tricky.
(chuckles) (chuckles) Oh, Lucy, Lucy! Oh, oh! Ouch! You okay? You all right? Yes.
Ricky, what side of the bed do you want to sleep on, honey? I don't care.
Okay.
Hey, get over on your own side of the bed.
Well, that's easier said than done.
Ahh! Oh! What are we gonna do, honey? I don't know.
(train whistle blowing) It's another train.
It must be another train.
(engine roaring and rumbling) (noise intensifying) (train noise subsiding) What are you doing over here? Come on, let's push the bed back.
Wait a minute.
Here comes another train the other way.
It's coming the other way now! Coming again.
(loud, sustained chugging and rumbling) (train noise intensifying) (train whistle blowing loudly) (engine roaring and rumbling) (train noise subsiding) I wonder if this bed stops in Chicago.
Let's try to get some sleep.
Maybe that was the last one.
Where's my pillow? Right here.
Okay.
Ahh! (grunts) I can't sleep in this hole! Rick, Rick, What? our mattress is just like that at home.
We'll trade with you.
Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, I know.
Come on.
Come on, we'll trade.
Thank you, honey.
Thank you very much.
Whoa! FRED: What's going on? What ETHEL: Get up, Fred.
What? Get up.
We're gonna trade with them.
Get up for what? Come on, come on.
Oh what Come on.
You take the bed now.
Take the bed.
Lie down.
No, wait just a minute now.
Come on.
Now! Go! Hey! You do that every night? Yeah, but it took years of practice.
(cat yowling) Ricky Ricky.
Hmm? The baby's crying.
See what's the matter with him.
Okay, honey.
No I don't know what we're gonna do.
(train approaching) Hold on, everybody, hold on! Here it comes, the next one.
(train passing by) Here it comes! (train whistle blowing loudly) (loud chugging and rumbling) (noise intensifying) (train noise subsiding) I don't know about you, but I'm getting out of here! Me, too, I'd rather sleep in the car.
$16 down the drain.
Oh, no, I'm not gonna pay him $16 for this.
I'm gonna sue him for renting it to us.
Yeah.
You mean we're gonna sneak out of here? Yeah, he'll never know! Come on, get your coat out.
Fred, wake up! Wake up, Fred! Fred, wake up! Fred! Is it morning already? No, come on.
How can he sleep through all that? Somebody tied a string to the car.
What's the matter? I don't know.
Somebody tied a string here.
Bust it.
Yeah.
(sirens wailing, alarms blaring) It's all right, honey.
It's all right, honey.
Oh! It's all right.
He had a burglar alarm hooked up in there.
I feel like I'm breaking out of prison.
Let's get out of here.
Come on, let's go.
FRED: Yeah, come on, jump in, honey.
Oh, no.
Huh? What's the matter? Our steering wheel is missing.
It's gone! Our steering wheel is gone! You folks lose something? You give us back our steering wheel! Your steering wheel? I don't know what you're talking about.
You do, too! You took it off just to keep us here! Well, you-you-you've got an awful suspicious mind to think that we'd try to get away in the middle of the night.
(whistling) What kind of people do you think we are anyway?! Lucy Hey, hey, honey, honey, we.
.
Yeah, well Oh, Oh.
What made you think we'd sneak away? Well, everybody does.
You know, if you didn't like that cabin, you don't have to pay me the $16.
Really? Oh, well, uh Well, gee, that's very nice of you.
That's a rotten shame your steering wheel being stolen.
You know, I just happen to have an extra one here.
I'll let you have it for $16.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Mr.
Skinner was played by Olin Howlin.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
I didn't know there were so many farms in Ohio.
Oh, sure.
Are you sure this is Ohio? Well, it'd better be.
We just left Pennsylvania and we're headed for Indiana.
"50 Miles To Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines.
" Well, we're closing in on her! The first sign we saw said, "200 Miles To Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines.
" I'm surprised she has time to make pralines; she's so busy making signs.
(guffawing) You know, I've been thinking about those pralines for so many miles, I just got to have some.
How about something to eat? I'm hungry.
Oh, we've got to get more mileage today, Fred.
"Got to get more mileage today, Fred!" Mileage.
Honey, we're all hungry.
Well, there'll be plenty of good places to eat up ahead.
"49 miles To Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines.
" Is there anything left in that lunch basket, Ethel? A stale sandwich and a grape.
Let me have the grape.
Honey, when are you gonna stop and get something to eat? We're hungry.
I'll stop at the next decent town we come to.
Oh, you've been saying that for the last hour.
Yeah.
I don't think I'll make it.
Me, either.
Hey, we still got that stale sandwich! Don't bother looking in the cupboard, Mother Hubbard.
It's bare.
Fred, when did you eat that sandwich? it's not safe to shut your eyes around here.
Wait a minute.
"One Mile To Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines.
" That's where we're gonna have dinner! Oh, I can't make a meal out of pecan pralines.
Well, we can at least buy a bag to munch on until Mr.
Mileage here decides to stop for dinner.
Well, that's a thought.
Anyway, we just got to drop in on Aunt Sally.
I feel like she's an old friend.
"300 Yards To Aunt Sally's"! "200 Yards!" "100 yards!" "Just Around The Bend!" "You Have Just Passed Aunt Sally's.
" Passed! Where was it? I didn't see a thing! Stop the car, Ricky, back up! Okay.
Must be that shed over there.
There's a sign on the door, but I can't see it from here.
Drive on.
What did the sign say? Out of business.
I knew Aunt Sally was spending too much money on those signs.
Hey, I think I see some lights.
Oh, I hope it's a cafe! It is! I hope it's a nice one.
Well, we're gonna stop there no matter what it's like.
Really, Ricky? That a boy! Yeah.
I'm hungry, too.
Boy, this place doesn't look any too hot, does it? Well, we're here now, so let's give it a try, huh? Oh, yeah, food, food.
Oh, at least they've got a great big selection of food.
Yeah.
Hey, I know what I want.
One of those steak sandwiches with some French fries and coleslaw.
Oh, a steak sandwich! Hiya, folks! Welcome to One Oak.
Welcome to One Oak.
Cabins and Cafe.
Yes, sir.
George Skinner at your service.
How do you do, Mr.
Skinner? Hello.
How do you do? What'll it be? Well, I'll have the steak sandwich, rare, with the French fries.
Uh, steak sandwich.
I'll have that, too.
I'll have the same.
Me, too.
We're all out of steak sandwiches.
Oh, you are? Gee, I had my mouth all set for one.
Yeah.
Well well, I think I'll have the roast beef, rare, with a baked potato, then.
Roast beef, that's for me.
I'll vote for that.
Make it four.
We're out of roast beef, too.
Let me see here.
Hey, that fried chicken with biscuits sounds good.
Any point in running that chicken around the table? All out.
Well, look, we're going at this thing all wrong.
Why don't you just tell us what you have and then we'll order.
All righty.
How about the specialty of the house? What's that? A cheese sandwich.
A cheese sandwich? Is that all you've got? I don't feel like a cheese sandwich.
Well, now, come on, folks, I can't wait all night.
What would you like? The name of the nearest good restaurant.
Lucy, please.
Well Well, in fact, there is a place ten miles up the highway called "The Golden Drumstick.
" The sign says, "Turkey dinner with all the trimmings, "dressing, cranberry sauce, green salad and homemade peach shortcake.
" One dollar.
One dollar? And only ten miles from here, you said? Just ten miles? Right on the highway, you can't miss it.
Oh, homemade peach shortcake! That's for me.
Thanks for telling us about it.
Thanks a lot, Mr.
Skinner.
Gee, how can they afford to serve all that for one dollar? SKINNER: It's impossible.
That's why they went broke.
And there's not another thing clean to Cincinnati.
Well, group, what do you say? FRED: Well, I'm so hungry I can't go another mile.
ETHEL: Oh, me either.
All right, Mr.
Skinner.
Four specialties of the house.
Coming up.
Gee, I hope they're good.
Well, what can you do to a cheese sandwich? I, uh, hope you didn't go to too much trouble.
Oh, no trouble.
I just buy them from the salesman when he comes around.
That salesman hasn't been around here lately, has he? Let's get out of here, huh? Yes.
Uh, how much do we owe you? Well, let's see.
That's four specialties of the house.
Here you are.
$4.
80! Well, uh the sandwiches are a dollar apiece and 80 cents is the entertainment tax.
Entertainment tax! Yup.
The whole show is just about to start.
Ah! (off-key): Baby dear, listen here I'm afraid to go home in the dark Every day, the I'll pay! I'll pay! I'll pay! I'll pay.
and the YMCA I'll pay.
Look, there you are.
Thank you very much.
There's your change.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Happy hunting.
FRED: Oh, dear.
What a character.
"Baby dear"! Yeah.
RICKY: Oh, I sure hate think to drive all the way to Cincinnati now.
Well, I'd take the wheel, Rick, but I'm too sleepy.
Well, let me drive, Ricky.
Well, I don't know, honey.
Oh, go on, there's no traffic now.
Okay.
I'll keep an eye on you.
Okay.
(Ricky grunting) (engine starts) Next stop, Cincinnati! Here we are.
Wake up, everybody, come on.
RICKY (groaning): No.
LUCY: Wake up, we're here.
Come on, hurry up.
(others grumbling) Everybody out! Are we in Cincinnati? No, sir.
We're at the Oh, no! Uh, back in the car, everybody.
Back in the car.
Lucy, now, what is what's going on? What are, what are you doing? Well, I Oh, we're not back in the same place! We are unless there's a chain of these across the country.
Oh, no.
Lucy! Well, I was only trying to help.
I saw a sign that said, "Good accommodations, good food" and an arrow saying, "Take this road.
" And somehow I wound up back here.
Well, as long as we're here, we're in no condition to continue.
We'll stay right here.
Here? In Lower Slobovia? Look, Fred, there's one good thing about this place.
It's here.
Let's make the best of it.
Come on.
I'm afraid to go I'm afraid to go I'm afraid to go Welcome back, folks.
I've been waiting for you.
What? That sign I put up really works, don't it? Takes you right around in a circle.
(cackling) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Look, uh, uh, we decided to stay here for the night.
We'd like a couple of cabins, please.
Well, I've only got one.
The price is eight dollars.
You only got one left? I've only got one.
That's all I ever had.
It'll sleep four.
Well, let's take it.
I-I'm tired.
Well, it's only eight dollars.
Well, it'll be 16.
Eight dollars a couple.
Eight dollars, $16, who cares? Oh, he is tired! Come on.
Well, follow me.
Go ahead.
Well, here we are.
Well, back in the car, everybody.
Just a minute, just a minute, honey.
As long as we're here, we might as well stay here.
Sleep tight.
Thanks.
Who wants to sleep where? It doesn't matter to me.
Me either.
Well, all right, all right.
We'll take the bunk.
Okay.
Okay, we'll take the bed.
Uh Maybe we'd better take turns changing in that room, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I'll go first.
Oh I forgot my toothpaste.
LUCY: Oh.
Hey, honey, this bed doesn't look too bad.
I hope it isn't hard.
Whoa! Oh, fine.
Well, at least it's a bed.
This isn't a bed, it's a canoe.
Oh, no! I don't believe this.
Come over here, honey.
I'll help you up.
(train approaching) What was that? Yeah.
(train whistle blowing loudly) (loud, sustained chugging and rumbling) (train noise intensifying) (train noise subsiding) Ethel, are you all right? Ethel! Ethel, I can't sleep up here.
Why not? You know very well that high altitudes make my nose bleed.
High altitudes make him Oh, why didn't you say so before? Well, I wanted you to warm the bunk up for me.
What a sneaky character I married! Come on! All right, all right.
Get on Get in there.
Can't get out under here.
I just don't like you being so tricky.
(chuckles) (chuckles) Oh, Lucy, Lucy! Oh, oh! Ouch! You okay? You all right? Yes.
Ricky, what side of the bed do you want to sleep on, honey? I don't care.
Okay.
Hey, get over on your own side of the bed.
Well, that's easier said than done.
Ahh! Oh! What are we gonna do, honey? I don't know.
(train whistle blowing) It's another train.
It must be another train.
(engine roaring and rumbling) (noise intensifying) (train noise subsiding) What are you doing over here? Come on, let's push the bed back.
Wait a minute.
Here comes another train the other way.
It's coming the other way now! Coming again.
(loud, sustained chugging and rumbling) (train noise intensifying) (train whistle blowing loudly) (engine roaring and rumbling) (train noise subsiding) I wonder if this bed stops in Chicago.
Let's try to get some sleep.
Maybe that was the last one.
Where's my pillow? Right here.
Okay.
Ahh! (grunts) I can't sleep in this hole! Rick, Rick, What? our mattress is just like that at home.
We'll trade with you.
Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, I know.
Come on.
Come on, we'll trade.
Thank you, honey.
Thank you very much.
Whoa! FRED: What's going on? What ETHEL: Get up, Fred.
What? Get up.
We're gonna trade with them.
Get up for what? Come on, come on.
Oh what Come on.
You take the bed now.
Take the bed.
Lie down.
No, wait just a minute now.
Come on.
Now! Go! Hey! You do that every night? Yeah, but it took years of practice.
(cat yowling) Ricky Ricky.
Hmm? The baby's crying.
See what's the matter with him.
Okay, honey.
No I don't know what we're gonna do.
(train approaching) Hold on, everybody, hold on! Here it comes, the next one.
(train passing by) Here it comes! (train whistle blowing loudly) (loud chugging and rumbling) (noise intensifying) (train noise subsiding) I don't know about you, but I'm getting out of here! Me, too, I'd rather sleep in the car.
$16 down the drain.
Oh, no, I'm not gonna pay him $16 for this.
I'm gonna sue him for renting it to us.
Yeah.
You mean we're gonna sneak out of here? Yeah, he'll never know! Come on, get your coat out.
Fred, wake up! Wake up, Fred! Fred, wake up! Fred! Is it morning already? No, come on.
How can he sleep through all that? Somebody tied a string to the car.
What's the matter? I don't know.
Somebody tied a string here.
Bust it.
Yeah.
(sirens wailing, alarms blaring) It's all right, honey.
It's all right, honey.
Oh! It's all right.
He had a burglar alarm hooked up in there.
I feel like I'm breaking out of prison.
Let's get out of here.
Come on, let's go.
FRED: Yeah, come on, jump in, honey.
Oh, no.
Huh? What's the matter? Our steering wheel is missing.
It's gone! Our steering wheel is gone! You folks lose something? You give us back our steering wheel! Your steering wheel? I don't know what you're talking about.
You do, too! You took it off just to keep us here! Well, you-you-you've got an awful suspicious mind to think that we'd try to get away in the middle of the night.
(whistling) What kind of people do you think we are anyway?! Lucy Hey, hey, honey, honey, we.
.
Yeah, well Oh, Oh.
What made you think we'd sneak away? Well, everybody does.
You know, if you didn't like that cabin, you don't have to pay me the $16.
Really? Oh, well, uh Well, gee, that's very nice of you.
That's a rotten shame your steering wheel being stolen.
You know, I just happen to have an extra one here.
I'll let you have it for $16.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Mr.
Skinner was played by Olin Howlin.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.