Magnum, P.I. (1980) s04e14 Episode Script
Rembrandt's Girl
What are you doing? You locked us in the vault.
l'll bet anything that he met some gorgeous clerk at the bank and he took off with her for the weekend.
We're gonna run out of air? Help! Paradise Pizza? We ordered large zombies, everything but anchovies.
What would you say to dinner for two with wine? you can really tell when you might be compatible with somebody by the way you dance together.
Can you turn it? Think l'm up here for my health? (man) This is nice.
Very nice.
By this time Monday, you and l are going to be very rich men.
(Magnum) Expectations.
I've been giving a lot of thought lately to expectations.
Seems like everybody comes to paradise with a whole stack of them.
Take Sherwood Conners.
He thought owning a hotel on every island in the chain would make him happy.
And he was right.
It did.
Along the way, I'd done some work for Conners and by way of thanks, he sent me a weekend pass for three at his luxury resort on the Big Island and something else.
A rare antique statue of an aumakua.
Kind of a Hawaiian guardian angel, according to Higgins.
[Higgins chanting in Hawaiian.]
Higgins.
(Higgins) Magnum.
There you are.
l've been looking all over for you.
Higgins, what are you doing? Nothing.
l've brought you a client.
Susan Johnson, Thomas Magnum.
Hello.
Hi.
l distinctly heard you chanting, Higgins.
A good luck chant for Miss Johnson seemed only appropriate.
l've already given her fair warning that she would probably do better to inquire elsewhere for an investigator.
But l wouldn't hear of it.
But she wouldn't hear of it.
That's very nice, but-- Then it's settled.
Could you start today? No.
l don't know.
Well, what-- Magnum, Miss Johnson is the assistant manager of the First Anglo-Hawaiian Bank which handles all of Mr.
Masters' transactions on the island.
And though l've tried to discourage her she seems determined to talk to you about her case.
l would think you could find a moment or two to discuss it with her.
Well, sure.
We could discuss it.
You could? Oh, thank you.
lt means an awful lot to me.
l.
Thank you so much, Mr.
Higgins.
Thank you.
l only hope you'll thank me later.
l sure do appreciate this.
lt's all right.
l'm just gonna change my clothes, okay? Oh.
Sure.
l can't tell you how thrilled l am that you're taking my case.
l'll just be a minute.
l want you to know that l intend to pay you your regular rate.
You get the best, you pay for it.
l know that.
(Magnum) l'm sure we can work something out.
Oh, no, l insist.
l insist on paying you your full fare.
l insist on that.
Okay.
No matter how long it takes.
Anyway, there's somebody l'd like you to follow for me.
l have his picture right.
[exclaiming.]
Oh! l'm so sorry.
Your guardian angel.
Oh! l am so sorry.
Oh, no.
lt's all right.
lt's nothing really.
lt was very old.
l knew it.
l knew it.
l knew it was gonna happen.
l haven't broken anything in 1 2 years and then he's back in town and look what happens.
Careful, you're gonna cut yourself.
Who's back in town? Can you keep a secret? Sure, that's part of the deal.
Client confidentiality.
My father just got out of the penitentiary.
He was paroled two weeks ago and he shows up on my doorstep the very next day.
Ow! Now, see.
l knew it.
Let me look at that.
No, it's all right.
Really, it's-- lt's bleeding.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Come here.
Here.
Let me.
Just come over to the couch here, and l'll take care of that.
lt'll drip.
No, it won't.
Just relax, okay? All my life, it's been like this.
Everything's going along just great and then all of a sudden it's like l've got this built-in early warning system, you know.
l.
l start-- This might sting a little bit.
l start breaking things, l start walking into things l start losing things.
And then sure enough, he's planning a big caper.
You don't believe me, do you? l don't see how you can prove something like that.
Here.
This might stop the bleeding.
Proof? Proof? You want proof? l'll give you proof.
l'll show you proof.
Look.
Look at the.
Look at this watch.
Sorry.
Just look at this watch.
Look at that.
He bought this for me.
Now that's not a cheap watch.
lt tells the time in four different time zones.
Look at this.
Look at all of this.
[faltering.]
Now, it's a radio.
Expensive little radio.
And this knife.
lt's got everything in it, including a hacksaw.
This is a Backpacker's Pal for survival in the wilderness.
Ever since he's been here, he's just been buying me one outlandish gift after the other.
Well, generosity isn't exactly a crime.
Where would a man who just got out of the penitentiary get the money for these kinds of gifts? l don't know.
l don't, either.
Unless he's doing something illegal.
So, anyway l was hoping.
l thought maybe that you could follow him around and then if you saw him starting to commit a crime then you could stop him.
l don't think l could just follow someone around waiting to see if he was going to commit a crime.
You couldn't? No.
(Agatha) Jonathan, l have the fruit juice.
Hmm? l think you're going to be quite pleased with it this year, if l do say so myself.
lt has a refreshingly tart quality.
ls something wrong? What? No, l seem to have misplaced my copy of The Crystal Lotus.
: Infinite Consciousness.
l must find it.
l read from it every year.
lt is inspiring.
Do you realize how valuable that book is? lt had been given to me by the Maharishi himself.
l'm certain it will turn up.
Can't have a meditation weekend without the inspirational readings.
l don't know, Jonathan.
Perhaps we should try something different this year and share our own inspirational thoughts instead of listening to someone else's.
Who knows what might come out of an atmosphere of intimacy.
The safety deposit box.
l beg your pardon.
l put it in my safety deposit box for safekeeping.
The storage company is due to arrive at any moment with the rice mats and lotus pillows.
l don't have time now to go to the bank.
Perhaps Magnum could pick it up for me.
(T.
C.
) l wanted to spend the weekend with just Gloria.
(Magnum) Hi, guys.
Then she drops the bomb on me and tells me that her cousin is flying in, too.
[T.
C.
exclaiming.]
Feast your eyes on this.
Not now, Thomas.
T.
C.
's got a big problem.
So, what's wrong with her cousin? Today is the day l pay you back for all the favors that you've done for me.
Nothing.
Except that every time her cousin, Elena comes in town Gloria and l end up fighting.
You're going to have the weekend of your lives.
[Magnum chattering.]
Look, l got a real good solution for your problem.
Just tell Gloria you don't wanna see her cousin.
Are you kidding? She's got the whole weekend planned.
Private beach cottage.
First she got me signed up for some dumb two-hour tour of a muumuu factory.
Free 24-hour room service.
[Thomas chattering.]
Then, l gotta drive them all the way to Waialua for noontime hula lessons.
You and hula? An all-expense paid weekend for three at the Mala Pua Resort Hotel compliments of Sherwood Conners.
Let me see that.
The one time you actually pay off a debt, l have to have other plans.
Wait a minute, T.
C.
Don't you see? This is the answer to your problem with Gloria.
Just tell her you have to go away this weekend.
Oh, no.
l couldn't do that.
*:00? *:00.
(Rick) Hey, wait a minute.
Thomas! Higgins called.
He needs you to go to the bank to pick up some book from the safety deposit box.
Here's the name.
Bank? Tell him you didn't see me.
He said it's urgent.
l'm not going.
No way.
Forget it.
(Susan) This is part of our new security system.
lt's Mr.
Campbell's idea.
Ah.
Oh, here.
That's quite heavy.
Right.
Now l have to open the fire door.
Oh.
l can't believe it.
lf l hadn't gone to change after closing up, we would have missed each other.
You know something? All the way back to work this afternoon l was hoping you'd change your mind about taking my case.
Well, l haven't changed my mind.
And here you are.
l'm here for the book.
Yes, l know you're here for the book, but.
Do you believe in fate? You mean the ''l wouldn't be here if l wasn't destined to take your case'' kind of fate? Yeah.
No.
There we go.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Where are you going? l have to deliver the book and catch a plane.
Wait! What are you doing? There's something l didn't tell you this morning when l saw you.
You locked us in the vault.
lt's about this weekend.
You locked us in the vault.
This morning my father told me that he had a big surprise planned for me, Monday.
So? Don't you get it? l mean, whatever he's cooking up, it's gonna happen this weekend.
Well, whatever it is, we're going to miss it because you locked us in the vault! l didn't lock us in the vault! Well, l did.
l did lock us in the vault but l can get us out of the vault.
l just wanted to explain to you about my father.
Miss Johnson.
Susan.
Susan, a big surprise could be a trip to Sea Life Park.
A big surprise could be two tickets to the Don Ho show.
You think l'm overreacting.
Yes, l do.
All right, l'm sorry.
l'll get us out of here in a jiffy.
Thank you.
l just have to punch in the code [beeping.]
and the door will open.
Good.
[gasping.]
[buzzing.]
l think l locked us in the vault.
(Susan) The important thing is that we should both remain calm.
Calm? Calm? l have three airline tickets for a plane that l'm gonna miss in three hours! Look, why don't you just use your head? After all, somebody is bound to notice that we haven't come back.
l mean, do you think that we're the last two people who are gonna use this vault this afternoon? You're asking me? How would l know? lt's possible! All right, then, l'll use the backup system.
Backup system.
You have a backup system? Yes.
Use it! Well, then, be calm.
l'm calm! Hold this.
l'm calm.
l'm calm.
Help! Help! Help! The bank closed nearly two hours ago.
My guests are already arriving for our annual meditation weekend and still no Magnum and no book.
Typical.
Meditation weekend? You're just gonna sit around all weekend and think? And fast.
And contemplate man's nobler aspirations peace, serenity-- (Agatha) Jonathan! Come quickly.
What is it, Agatha? There's some disagreement over the placing of the rice mats.
l explained it very carefully but you know how pushy Millie can be.
She and Winston almost came to blows.
Very well, l'm on my way.
When Magnum arrives, please inform him that l need that book immediately.
[crickets chirping.]
(Susan) l'm an hour late for my dinner.
l gotta get out of here! Will you calm down? Please.
Calm down.
Oh, come on.
Can't you help me? l'm trying.
Calm down.
What have you ever done in a situation like this before? l hate to disillusion you, Susan but no one's ever locked me into a bank vault before.
Oh, please.
You're a private detective.
You've been in spots like this before.
Don't you have anything on you, you could get us out of here with? Don't you have a hacksaw? No.
And l don't have a two-way wrist radio.
And l don't have a telephone in my shoe.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Knife.
This knife my father gave me, it's got a million tools in it.
There's got to be something in there you could use.
l doubt if it has a hacksaw in it.
You know, you're not aware of this, but tonight is probably the most important night of my entire life.
Bill, Mr.
Campbell, our manager.
Well, l'm pretty sure, l'm almost pretty sure that tonight.
Oh, never mind.
You don't want to hear all this.
No, no, no, Bill, the manager.
l thought maybe tonight he'd propose to me.
Oh.
Well, l think that's terrific.
lf we get out of here.
So, now you can understand why l might be a little bit upset.
Well, l mean, l kind of knew it had to be more than being locked up in a small room without any food or water.
Or air.
Or air? We're gonna run out of air? We're not gonna run out of air.
We have air.
This ventilator.
Which isn't working.
But it would take a long time to run completely out, wouldn't it? What are you doing? You look like you have an idea.
Maybe What? l can bypass the short.
Brilliant.
[crackling.]
What pretty colors.
Wait a minute.
What? Look at this, right here.
See these two wires.
Yeah.
They're fused together.
That has got to be the problem.
l'll just bypass this.
Be careful.
And then take this wire here and that should do it.
Well, now, that's incredible.
Where did you learn to do that? Want to try it? Yeah.
All right.
[metallic clanking.]
(Rick) How can he do this to us? l'll bet anything that he met some gorgeous clerk at the bank and he took off with her for the weekend.
What are you doing? Calling Gloria to tell her that my trip's been canceled.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Thomas promised a weekend of fun and sun.
We got it right here.
We got the tidal pool, the tennis courts, and one terrific party room.
What are you talking about? l'll tell you what l'm talking about.
We're gonna invite some people, we're gonna go to the club we're gonna get some food and we're gonna get some drink and we're gonna charge it to Robin Masters per Thomas Magnum.
Come on, what do you say? Okay, hurry up.
Okay, here we go.
Put your foot right there.
Be careful.
You ready? One One, two [exclaiming.]
three.
Hold me.
l got you.
l got it, l got it.
l got it.
Wait a minute.
l can't see.
l can't see.
A little.
A little forward.
l can't.
Go forward, forward.
Stop now.
A little bit to the right.
l've got it.
l've got it! You got it? Can you turn it? Got it! Can you turn it? No.
You got to try! l am trying.
Think l'm up here for my health? l can't breathe.
Put me down.
That hurts.
Put me down.
Okay.
[shrieking.]
Wait.
There.
Oh, God.
No.
Okay.
Good.
Let it go.
[shrieking.]
There.
Wait a minute.
[grunting.]
[water stopping.]
Thank you.
You're welcome.
l'm sorry.
l'm sorry.
l'm sorry that l got you all wet.
That's okay.
l'm sorry l yelled at you.
l'm sorry l locked us in here.
Back to you.
l've run out.
Would you like a towel? l think l have one in my Backpacker's Pal.
No, thank you.
Well, l want one.
[groans.]
You know, l don't know about you, but these walls are beginning to close on to me, being locked up like this.
Where does this go? You can't get in there.
lt's locked.
lt's the bank's deposit.
Well, who in the world left that open? Bill's gonna be furious.
He spends all this money on modern security equipment and somebody leaves the doors open.
(Magnum) Wow.
[chuckling.]
What? lt's funny.
What? l mean, when you put it all together it doesn't even look real.
No.
No, he wouldn't.
He wouldn't.
Not my bank.
No.
What are you talking about? Oh, no! Look, the flag on top of the White House it's not quite right.
The flag? ''Big surprise for this weekend,'' he said.
Yeah, well, he's right.
This, Mr.
Magnum, is my father's handiwork.
lt's counterfeit, all of it.
What? Mmm-hmm.
Wait a minute.
lf this really is counterfeit Oh, it is.
what makes you think your father's involved? He's Herbert Norton.
Paris, Montreal, Atlantic City.
Herbie ''Rembrandt'' Norton? Rembrandt.
Probably the most famous engraver in the entire world.
Federal reserve notes being his specialty and he's using my bank to make the switch.
My bank! [police radio chattering.]
[crickets chirping.]
(Susan) This is one scrape l'm not gonna bail my father out of.
He got himself into it, he can get himself out.
How do you think he did it? l only hope l can keep my job once Mr.
Halliburton comes in here and finds me locked up with $2,000,000 worth of Herb-money.
Who's Halliburton? The bank president.
Does he have access to the vault? No.
Of course, he has.
Who else? Well, l do, and Bill.
Oh, God.
Bill.
What is he gonna say when he finds out? Anybody else? You know, a head teller, anybody like that? What are you talking about? Let's think about this logically.
lf Herb.
lf Herb made the switch then he had to get the fake money in and the real money out.
Now, there's a lot of money in here.
That means it had to be done over a period of time and it had to be done by someone on the inside.
So, you start with who had access to the vault.
You're telling me you're working on the case? That's what you hired me to do.
You turned me down.
Yeah, but l didn't know your father was Rembrandt Norton.
Mmm-hmm.
l see.
Rembrandt Norton is more important to you than l am.
Well, l got news for you, Mr.
Magnum.
You're off the case.
Wait a minute.
You're fired! What'd l say? What's wrong? l'm about to lose my job l've lost my fiancé, my almost fiancé and l'm probably gonna lose my life in here and all you care about is this stinking case.
No.
Well, not entirely.
But, gee, l mean how many times do you get a chance to match wits with a criminal mind like Herbie ''Rembrandt'' Norton's? Speaking of wits, why don't you dredge up the little bit you've got left and get us out of here? All right, l will.
Good.
l promise.
The head teller.
What? That's what.
The head teller.
That's what he did, he romanced the head teller and he gave her a big song and dance about Argentina and a lot of money.
Yeah? There is one other possibility.
What? You.
Me? l didn't really mean it.
l mean but a good investigator never overlooks the obvious.
l didn't really think that.
You want to try this thing? Did you fix it? l don't know, you wanna punch it? Don't tempt me.
[sighing.]
l mean, there's only so many combinations.
This might be the right one.
[electrical buzzing.]
(Magnum) Of course that would probably be expecting too much.
[metallic clanking.]
[water spraying.]
**[instrumental music playing.]
(Agatha) Everyone's ready, Jonathan.
l'd like to take a moment to prepare myself spiritually for the readings.
Certainly.
**[rock music playing.]
[all chattering.]
Did you get a hold of Gloria? Huh? Did you get a hold of Gloria? Still no answer.
l wonder where she could be.
l don't know.
But she's missing a great party.
[knocking on door.]
Paradise Pizza? l beg your pardon.
Paradise Pizza.
We ordered large zombies, everything but anchovies.
Who are you and what are you doing here? Oh, hi, Higgins.
l hope we're not disturbing you.
(Higgins) Disturbing me? l have an entire weekend of quiet meditation and fasting planned and just as we begin our moonlight chanting the cacophonous sounds of that hi-fi come blasting across the grounds.
l come over here to find that not only has Magnum not returned with my book but the two of you have turned Mr.
Masters' guest quarters into some kind of musical rumpus room.
Why on earth would that disturb me? You're not from Paradise Pizza.
l demand to know what you're doing here.
(Agatha) Jonathan? Jonathan! Jonathan! Just a moment, Agatha.
l'm waiting.
Jonathan, l wouldn't disturb you, but.
What is it, Agatha? Something has gone terribly wrong.
lt's the fruit juice.
l don't know if it was out in the sun too long or if it fermented in the bottles.
[people laughing.]
People are behaving in the most outlandish manner.
Millie and Winston are using their lotus pillows to.
Well, it's just shocking.
[people laughing.]
What has happened to my serene weekend? l shall be back and l shall expect a full explanation.
You should know better than to associate with this riff-raff.
You're British.
**[rock music playing.]
You're on your own, Ace.
Wait a minute.
Where're you going? l'm going to find Gloria.
lf l hadn't lied to her in the first place, we could be together now instead of giving excuses to Higgins and her about some dumb-- T.
C.
? What? Gloria? What are you doing here? What am l doing here? What are you doing here? Don't try and turn this around, Theodore Calvin.
You were supposed to go to the Big lsland.
Yeah, right.
Well, l'll explain it all to you on the way.
On the way where? l am taking you home.
Oh, no, you're not.
l was invited to a party.
You had other plans.
l am staying at this party.
Yeah, well, so am l.
Do what you like.
l will, and l intend to have a great time.
Good.
So do l.
l just love to see everyone having such a good time.
(Susan) Hold your breath.
[electrical buzzing.]
Okay.
[whooping.]
You did it.
l can't believe one little match set those suckers off.
Yeah, it must have been some new ultra-sensitive device that Bill installed.
You know something, this calls for a celebration.
You really are a genius.
Thank you.
What would you say to dinner for two with wine? You have dinner for two in your purse? Well, l was gonna have that with Bill later on.
l think l've got an opener here in my-- (both) Backpacker's Pal.
No, l have one here.
See? Good.
Okay.
[exclaims.]
And, for the main course.
Chocolate! Well, l'm a bit of a chocoholic but you can think of it as veal piccata.
No, chocolate's fine.
All right.
Want some wine? Yeah, and look what l've got in here, too.
Got some wine glasses.
[chuckling.]
lsn't that cute? That's great.
Herb knew what he was doing when he got this for me.
You know how to do that? Yeah, you just.
All right.
Thank you.
[laughing.]
Thank you.
[Susan yawns.]
lt's not the company.
lt's lack of air.
Lack of air.
You know, it's incredible.
lt's probably just a matter of minutes before we both start hallucinating.
We'll probably go through this incredible cosmic experience together just before we kick off.
Don't say that.
We're not gonna kick off.
You know, it's funny.
l never really thought about not being here before.
Kind of gives you a different perspective on life, you know.
Can you keep a secret? Sure.
l feel like me with you.
That seems right.
l mean, who else would you be? Somebody else.
No, what l mean is, you know, l'm always.
l'm really never me, you know.
l've always tried to be what somebody else might want me to be.
But l don't feel like that with you.
lt's nice because, l mean, look l've only known you, what is it l don't know, it seems like l've known you at least [both laughing.]
That was funny.
No, seriously.
Have you ever had that kind of an experience? You mean, trying to impress other people? Yeah.
You know, that's what's nice.
See, l don't feel that l have to impress you.
And it's a good feeling.
lt's the same kind of feeling l have with my father.
l don't feel that l have to impress him, either.
l mean bail him out and keep him away from people, maybe.
But impress him no, never.
Never.
We need music.
[radio crackling.]
**[music playing.]
Were you ever married? l'm gonna find a station.
Why do you do that? Do what? Every time l ask you something about yourself, you change the subject.
No, l don't.
Yes, you do.
You don't want anybody to get to know you? No, l don't do that.
That's not true.
[female newscaster chattering.]
l'm gonna find another station.
[channels switching.]
**[music playing on radio.]
So anyway, there we were, Herb and l we were hiding out and we had to camp out on the Bodensee for three whole days with nothing to eat but chocolate.
[chuckles.]
Are you hallucinating? Mean Ralphie Hansen.
Where? No.
No.
When l was in the third grade mean Ralphie Hansen walked home from school the same way l did.
He was a big kid.
Sixth grader.
Everyone knew he carried a knife.
What did you do? l ran home every afternoon for the whole year.
l was scared.
l don't think l ever told anybody that.
And, yes, l was married.
(male announcer) And now, for all you strangers out there wherever you are, here's hoping.
**[Strangers in the Night playing.]
You want to dance? Me? Yeah.
You mean right now? What else you gotta do? l'm not much of a dancer.
Who's gonna notice? Come on.
Okay.
Pull me up.
l'd love to.
[chuckling.]
Would you excuse us? Excuse us.
Pardon me.
Sorry.
Here's a spot.
[chuckling.]
You know l have this theory that you can really tell when you might be compatible with somebody by the way you dance together.
Now, the Count, you know, Stefen he couldn't dance a step.
And Bill? Bill? Oh, Bill.
Bill never takes me dancing.
You know, it's just possible that Bill.
What? No, it's nothing.
lt's a bad habit of mine.
lnvestigating when l should be dancing.
**[disco music playing.]
[people chattering.]
Excuse me.
lt looks like you're having a wonderful time.
l am.
Good, l'm glad.
Look, l'm sorry.
l was supposed to go away.
On the weekend my cousin and l come in town? Look, l wanted to see you.
But every time your cousin Elena comes in town we wind up fighting.
This isn't a fight.
lt's a.
We do? My cousin's not in town right now.
Wanna dance? l thought you would never ask.
[exclaims.]
[T.
C.
sighs.]
(Magnum) As our air supply dwindled Susan and I got sleepier and sleepier.
I knew I had to do something to get us out of there.
And it suddenly occurred to me.
When the wires shorted out the code could have gotten scrambled.
Maybe it was just a matter of trying combinations of numbers to get the door open.
I know what you're thinking, and you're right.
The odds of my hitting upon just the right combination of numbers was pretty remote.
But then, you've gotta take into account the luck factor.
Susan? (man) Hey.
Huh? Hello.
Who are you? (Susan) Yoo-hoo! Where are you? * Strangers in the night * * Exchanging glances ** (man) Susan? Yes? Susan, what are you doing here? l'm dancing.
Bill! Bill, l have to talk to you.
l think l can explain.
lt's not what you think.
l'm a private investigator.
Private investigator? Bill, l can't marry you.
Susan, don't you think this could wait? No, no, l have to tell him now.
Now, while all the fresh air is giving me courage.
Get over there.
Bill, don't take it so hard.
You didn't come here for us.
So you found the money.
You see, even if l hadn't.
Oh, you know about the money? l think this is where he tells us about Argentina.
No, Rio, actually.
Which is where l'll be going just as soon as l get my passport.
Oh.
Are we going to Rio? No, no.
Not we.
Me.
l'm going to Rio.
You mean you weren't going to propose? No, l was going to let you and your father take the fall.
l'm sorry, Susan.
But all my life l've been a brown paper bag in a Gucci world.
Everybody's entitled to one shot at success and this was my chance.
l never planned on telling you all this.
lf l hadn't forgotten the darned passport you would never even had to see me again.
Try to understand.
Well l guess there's nothing else to say except hasta luego.
Wait.
All right.
Get over.
Get over there.
Bill-- Quiet.
Bill.
l'm afraid you have just outsmarted yourself, Mr.
Private lnvestigator.
[metallic clanking.]
Hey, hey! What is it? [Susan giggling.]
Shut it off! How do you shut this thing off? Turn it off.
Get it off.
l'm sorry, Bill.
l'm sorry.
lt's just that you look so wet.
All right.
All right.
So, what did you do with the real money? [Magnum laughing.]
l had it transferred to a Swiss account.
l've been planning this for three years.
Ever since l found out that your old man is-- ls Herb.
''Rembrandt.
'' Norton.
[Susan cackling.]
So, you got together with my father and you cooked all this up? No.
l never met him.
An old rival of his, Lefty Shultz he came to me with this idea to frame him.
Lefty's the one that printed the money.
Come on, Bill.
l'll just take the gun.
Oh, no, you don't.
Get over there.
Those little poems you recited were inspirational.
Well, they're not poems, really.
Whatever.
They were inspiring.
They reminded me a lot of my favorite poet Kahlil Gibran.
You ever read Kahlil Gibran? Not recently, no.
l'll send you a copy of one of his books.
Just my way of saying thanks.
(Agatha) Jonathan? Well see you next year, Johnny.
Toodle-oo.
Quite.
[groans.]
Hey, man.
This is strange.
You're right.
l don't know what's wrong with me this morning.
No, no, no.
l mean, look what l found in the bathroom.
Soap, shampoo, toothpaste.
lt's not all that strange, T.
C.
lt is if the guy who lives here took off for the weekend.
Plus, here's his duffel bag with all his clothes packed.
So? The thing is, he left all this stuff here.
You think that maybe he didn't go to the Big lsland? That's what it looks like to me.
Where is Magnum? We don't know.
We thought that he went to the Big lsland.
l might have known.
Without the slightest thought for the consequences he left the Ferrari parked in a 20-minute zone.
Yeah, but we found his stuff here.
What did you say? l said, l don't think he went anywhere.
Where did you say he parked the car? (Susan) There go his eyes.
(Magnum) l think he's gonna nod off.
When he does, l'll get the gun.
You know, l never for a minute believed he was going to propose.
You didn't? No kidding.
You know, l can't figure it out.
Guy like that could have had someone as wonderful as you and he blows it.
For what? Money? Doesn't make sense.
Am l hallucinating or did you just say something very sweet? Hey! Stop talking.
[chuckles.]
l am hallucinating.
l think l see Mr.
Halliburton.
(Halliburton) Campbell? lt is Mr.
Halliburton.
ln all my years of banking never have l had an employee locked in the vault.
Magnum, how could you? Me? lt wasn't my idea.
lt was my fault.
She's right.
lt was her fault.
Hey, he's got a gun! Wait a minute, l got him! [all clamoring.]
(Rick) All right, l got it! (Higgins) Oh, my God.
**[playing off-key Strangers in the Night.]
**[Susan humming Strangers in the Night.]
(Magnum) Hi.
Hi.
l knocked, but l can understand why you didn't hear me.
Come on in.
How're you doing? Fine.
Just fine.
How are you? Fine.
Herb? How's Herb? Fine.
Herb's been working on a special plate.
This kind.
l brought you one.
The Eiffel Tower.
He's.
He's been asked to do a whole series of commemorative plates.
And this is the first one.
His life of crime is over, l think.
l hope.
That's terrific.
May l? He's also going to go on a world tour to make the preliminary sketches and he's asked me to go along with him.
Kind of like we'd be out camping again.
Are you gonna go? Well, l figure l might as well.
l mean, after all, l still have my (both) Backpacker's Pal.
This is.
lt's very nice, thank you.
This can't really make up for everything you did for me.
l didn't do anything.
Yes, you did.
The time l spent with you changed my entire life.
Come here.
Well, l've got a job to quit.
Send me a postcard.
One a country.
l'll bet anything that he met some gorgeous clerk at the bank and he took off with her for the weekend.
We're gonna run out of air? Help! Paradise Pizza? We ordered large zombies, everything but anchovies.
What would you say to dinner for two with wine? you can really tell when you might be compatible with somebody by the way you dance together.
Can you turn it? Think l'm up here for my health? (man) This is nice.
Very nice.
By this time Monday, you and l are going to be very rich men.
(Magnum) Expectations.
I've been giving a lot of thought lately to expectations.
Seems like everybody comes to paradise with a whole stack of them.
Take Sherwood Conners.
He thought owning a hotel on every island in the chain would make him happy.
And he was right.
It did.
Along the way, I'd done some work for Conners and by way of thanks, he sent me a weekend pass for three at his luxury resort on the Big Island and something else.
A rare antique statue of an aumakua.
Kind of a Hawaiian guardian angel, according to Higgins.
[Higgins chanting in Hawaiian.]
Higgins.
(Higgins) Magnum.
There you are.
l've been looking all over for you.
Higgins, what are you doing? Nothing.
l've brought you a client.
Susan Johnson, Thomas Magnum.
Hello.
Hi.
l distinctly heard you chanting, Higgins.
A good luck chant for Miss Johnson seemed only appropriate.
l've already given her fair warning that she would probably do better to inquire elsewhere for an investigator.
But l wouldn't hear of it.
But she wouldn't hear of it.
That's very nice, but-- Then it's settled.
Could you start today? No.
l don't know.
Well, what-- Magnum, Miss Johnson is the assistant manager of the First Anglo-Hawaiian Bank which handles all of Mr.
Masters' transactions on the island.
And though l've tried to discourage her she seems determined to talk to you about her case.
l would think you could find a moment or two to discuss it with her.
Well, sure.
We could discuss it.
You could? Oh, thank you.
lt means an awful lot to me.
l.
Thank you so much, Mr.
Higgins.
Thank you.
l only hope you'll thank me later.
l sure do appreciate this.
lt's all right.
l'm just gonna change my clothes, okay? Oh.
Sure.
l can't tell you how thrilled l am that you're taking my case.
l'll just be a minute.
l want you to know that l intend to pay you your regular rate.
You get the best, you pay for it.
l know that.
(Magnum) l'm sure we can work something out.
Oh, no, l insist.
l insist on paying you your full fare.
l insist on that.
Okay.
No matter how long it takes.
Anyway, there's somebody l'd like you to follow for me.
l have his picture right.
[exclaiming.]
Oh! l'm so sorry.
Your guardian angel.
Oh! l am so sorry.
Oh, no.
lt's all right.
lt's nothing really.
lt was very old.
l knew it.
l knew it.
l knew it was gonna happen.
l haven't broken anything in 1 2 years and then he's back in town and look what happens.
Careful, you're gonna cut yourself.
Who's back in town? Can you keep a secret? Sure, that's part of the deal.
Client confidentiality.
My father just got out of the penitentiary.
He was paroled two weeks ago and he shows up on my doorstep the very next day.
Ow! Now, see.
l knew it.
Let me look at that.
No, it's all right.
Really, it's-- lt's bleeding.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Come here.
Here.
Let me.
Just come over to the couch here, and l'll take care of that.
lt'll drip.
No, it won't.
Just relax, okay? All my life, it's been like this.
Everything's going along just great and then all of a sudden it's like l've got this built-in early warning system, you know.
l.
l start-- This might sting a little bit.
l start breaking things, l start walking into things l start losing things.
And then sure enough, he's planning a big caper.
You don't believe me, do you? l don't see how you can prove something like that.
Here.
This might stop the bleeding.
Proof? Proof? You want proof? l'll give you proof.
l'll show you proof.
Look.
Look at the.
Look at this watch.
Sorry.
Just look at this watch.
Look at that.
He bought this for me.
Now that's not a cheap watch.
lt tells the time in four different time zones.
Look at this.
Look at all of this.
[faltering.]
Now, it's a radio.
Expensive little radio.
And this knife.
lt's got everything in it, including a hacksaw.
This is a Backpacker's Pal for survival in the wilderness.
Ever since he's been here, he's just been buying me one outlandish gift after the other.
Well, generosity isn't exactly a crime.
Where would a man who just got out of the penitentiary get the money for these kinds of gifts? l don't know.
l don't, either.
Unless he's doing something illegal.
So, anyway l was hoping.
l thought maybe that you could follow him around and then if you saw him starting to commit a crime then you could stop him.
l don't think l could just follow someone around waiting to see if he was going to commit a crime.
You couldn't? No.
(Agatha) Jonathan, l have the fruit juice.
Hmm? l think you're going to be quite pleased with it this year, if l do say so myself.
lt has a refreshingly tart quality.
ls something wrong? What? No, l seem to have misplaced my copy of The Crystal Lotus.
: Infinite Consciousness.
l must find it.
l read from it every year.
lt is inspiring.
Do you realize how valuable that book is? lt had been given to me by the Maharishi himself.
l'm certain it will turn up.
Can't have a meditation weekend without the inspirational readings.
l don't know, Jonathan.
Perhaps we should try something different this year and share our own inspirational thoughts instead of listening to someone else's.
Who knows what might come out of an atmosphere of intimacy.
The safety deposit box.
l beg your pardon.
l put it in my safety deposit box for safekeeping.
The storage company is due to arrive at any moment with the rice mats and lotus pillows.
l don't have time now to go to the bank.
Perhaps Magnum could pick it up for me.
(T.
C.
) l wanted to spend the weekend with just Gloria.
(Magnum) Hi, guys.
Then she drops the bomb on me and tells me that her cousin is flying in, too.
[T.
C.
exclaiming.]
Feast your eyes on this.
Not now, Thomas.
T.
C.
's got a big problem.
So, what's wrong with her cousin? Today is the day l pay you back for all the favors that you've done for me.
Nothing.
Except that every time her cousin, Elena comes in town Gloria and l end up fighting.
You're going to have the weekend of your lives.
[Magnum chattering.]
Look, l got a real good solution for your problem.
Just tell Gloria you don't wanna see her cousin.
Are you kidding? She's got the whole weekend planned.
Private beach cottage.
First she got me signed up for some dumb two-hour tour of a muumuu factory.
Free 24-hour room service.
[Thomas chattering.]
Then, l gotta drive them all the way to Waialua for noontime hula lessons.
You and hula? An all-expense paid weekend for three at the Mala Pua Resort Hotel compliments of Sherwood Conners.
Let me see that.
The one time you actually pay off a debt, l have to have other plans.
Wait a minute, T.
C.
Don't you see? This is the answer to your problem with Gloria.
Just tell her you have to go away this weekend.
Oh, no.
l couldn't do that.
*:00? *:00.
(Rick) Hey, wait a minute.
Thomas! Higgins called.
He needs you to go to the bank to pick up some book from the safety deposit box.
Here's the name.
Bank? Tell him you didn't see me.
He said it's urgent.
l'm not going.
No way.
Forget it.
(Susan) This is part of our new security system.
lt's Mr.
Campbell's idea.
Ah.
Oh, here.
That's quite heavy.
Right.
Now l have to open the fire door.
Oh.
l can't believe it.
lf l hadn't gone to change after closing up, we would have missed each other.
You know something? All the way back to work this afternoon l was hoping you'd change your mind about taking my case.
Well, l haven't changed my mind.
And here you are.
l'm here for the book.
Yes, l know you're here for the book, but.
Do you believe in fate? You mean the ''l wouldn't be here if l wasn't destined to take your case'' kind of fate? Yeah.
No.
There we go.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Where are you going? l have to deliver the book and catch a plane.
Wait! What are you doing? There's something l didn't tell you this morning when l saw you.
You locked us in the vault.
lt's about this weekend.
You locked us in the vault.
This morning my father told me that he had a big surprise planned for me, Monday.
So? Don't you get it? l mean, whatever he's cooking up, it's gonna happen this weekend.
Well, whatever it is, we're going to miss it because you locked us in the vault! l didn't lock us in the vault! Well, l did.
l did lock us in the vault but l can get us out of the vault.
l just wanted to explain to you about my father.
Miss Johnson.
Susan.
Susan, a big surprise could be a trip to Sea Life Park.
A big surprise could be two tickets to the Don Ho show.
You think l'm overreacting.
Yes, l do.
All right, l'm sorry.
l'll get us out of here in a jiffy.
Thank you.
l just have to punch in the code [beeping.]
and the door will open.
Good.
[gasping.]
[buzzing.]
l think l locked us in the vault.
(Susan) The important thing is that we should both remain calm.
Calm? Calm? l have three airline tickets for a plane that l'm gonna miss in three hours! Look, why don't you just use your head? After all, somebody is bound to notice that we haven't come back.
l mean, do you think that we're the last two people who are gonna use this vault this afternoon? You're asking me? How would l know? lt's possible! All right, then, l'll use the backup system.
Backup system.
You have a backup system? Yes.
Use it! Well, then, be calm.
l'm calm! Hold this.
l'm calm.
l'm calm.
Help! Help! Help! The bank closed nearly two hours ago.
My guests are already arriving for our annual meditation weekend and still no Magnum and no book.
Typical.
Meditation weekend? You're just gonna sit around all weekend and think? And fast.
And contemplate man's nobler aspirations peace, serenity-- (Agatha) Jonathan! Come quickly.
What is it, Agatha? There's some disagreement over the placing of the rice mats.
l explained it very carefully but you know how pushy Millie can be.
She and Winston almost came to blows.
Very well, l'm on my way.
When Magnum arrives, please inform him that l need that book immediately.
[crickets chirping.]
(Susan) l'm an hour late for my dinner.
l gotta get out of here! Will you calm down? Please.
Calm down.
Oh, come on.
Can't you help me? l'm trying.
Calm down.
What have you ever done in a situation like this before? l hate to disillusion you, Susan but no one's ever locked me into a bank vault before.
Oh, please.
You're a private detective.
You've been in spots like this before.
Don't you have anything on you, you could get us out of here with? Don't you have a hacksaw? No.
And l don't have a two-way wrist radio.
And l don't have a telephone in my shoe.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Knife.
This knife my father gave me, it's got a million tools in it.
There's got to be something in there you could use.
l doubt if it has a hacksaw in it.
You know, you're not aware of this, but tonight is probably the most important night of my entire life.
Bill, Mr.
Campbell, our manager.
Well, l'm pretty sure, l'm almost pretty sure that tonight.
Oh, never mind.
You don't want to hear all this.
No, no, no, Bill, the manager.
l thought maybe tonight he'd propose to me.
Oh.
Well, l think that's terrific.
lf we get out of here.
So, now you can understand why l might be a little bit upset.
Well, l mean, l kind of knew it had to be more than being locked up in a small room without any food or water.
Or air.
Or air? We're gonna run out of air? We're not gonna run out of air.
We have air.
This ventilator.
Which isn't working.
But it would take a long time to run completely out, wouldn't it? What are you doing? You look like you have an idea.
Maybe What? l can bypass the short.
Brilliant.
[crackling.]
What pretty colors.
Wait a minute.
What? Look at this, right here.
See these two wires.
Yeah.
They're fused together.
That has got to be the problem.
l'll just bypass this.
Be careful.
And then take this wire here and that should do it.
Well, now, that's incredible.
Where did you learn to do that? Want to try it? Yeah.
All right.
[metallic clanking.]
(Rick) How can he do this to us? l'll bet anything that he met some gorgeous clerk at the bank and he took off with her for the weekend.
What are you doing? Calling Gloria to tell her that my trip's been canceled.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Thomas promised a weekend of fun and sun.
We got it right here.
We got the tidal pool, the tennis courts, and one terrific party room.
What are you talking about? l'll tell you what l'm talking about.
We're gonna invite some people, we're gonna go to the club we're gonna get some food and we're gonna get some drink and we're gonna charge it to Robin Masters per Thomas Magnum.
Come on, what do you say? Okay, hurry up.
Okay, here we go.
Put your foot right there.
Be careful.
You ready? One One, two [exclaiming.]
three.
Hold me.
l got you.
l got it, l got it.
l got it.
Wait a minute.
l can't see.
l can't see.
A little.
A little forward.
l can't.
Go forward, forward.
Stop now.
A little bit to the right.
l've got it.
l've got it! You got it? Can you turn it? Got it! Can you turn it? No.
You got to try! l am trying.
Think l'm up here for my health? l can't breathe.
Put me down.
That hurts.
Put me down.
Okay.
[shrieking.]
Wait.
There.
Oh, God.
No.
Okay.
Good.
Let it go.
[shrieking.]
There.
Wait a minute.
[grunting.]
[water stopping.]
Thank you.
You're welcome.
l'm sorry.
l'm sorry.
l'm sorry that l got you all wet.
That's okay.
l'm sorry l yelled at you.
l'm sorry l locked us in here.
Back to you.
l've run out.
Would you like a towel? l think l have one in my Backpacker's Pal.
No, thank you.
Well, l want one.
[groans.]
You know, l don't know about you, but these walls are beginning to close on to me, being locked up like this.
Where does this go? You can't get in there.
lt's locked.
lt's the bank's deposit.
Well, who in the world left that open? Bill's gonna be furious.
He spends all this money on modern security equipment and somebody leaves the doors open.
(Magnum) Wow.
[chuckling.]
What? lt's funny.
What? l mean, when you put it all together it doesn't even look real.
No.
No, he wouldn't.
He wouldn't.
Not my bank.
No.
What are you talking about? Oh, no! Look, the flag on top of the White House it's not quite right.
The flag? ''Big surprise for this weekend,'' he said.
Yeah, well, he's right.
This, Mr.
Magnum, is my father's handiwork.
lt's counterfeit, all of it.
What? Mmm-hmm.
Wait a minute.
lf this really is counterfeit Oh, it is.
what makes you think your father's involved? He's Herbert Norton.
Paris, Montreal, Atlantic City.
Herbie ''Rembrandt'' Norton? Rembrandt.
Probably the most famous engraver in the entire world.
Federal reserve notes being his specialty and he's using my bank to make the switch.
My bank! [police radio chattering.]
[crickets chirping.]
(Susan) This is one scrape l'm not gonna bail my father out of.
He got himself into it, he can get himself out.
How do you think he did it? l only hope l can keep my job once Mr.
Halliburton comes in here and finds me locked up with $2,000,000 worth of Herb-money.
Who's Halliburton? The bank president.
Does he have access to the vault? No.
Of course, he has.
Who else? Well, l do, and Bill.
Oh, God.
Bill.
What is he gonna say when he finds out? Anybody else? You know, a head teller, anybody like that? What are you talking about? Let's think about this logically.
lf Herb.
lf Herb made the switch then he had to get the fake money in and the real money out.
Now, there's a lot of money in here.
That means it had to be done over a period of time and it had to be done by someone on the inside.
So, you start with who had access to the vault.
You're telling me you're working on the case? That's what you hired me to do.
You turned me down.
Yeah, but l didn't know your father was Rembrandt Norton.
Mmm-hmm.
l see.
Rembrandt Norton is more important to you than l am.
Well, l got news for you, Mr.
Magnum.
You're off the case.
Wait a minute.
You're fired! What'd l say? What's wrong? l'm about to lose my job l've lost my fiancé, my almost fiancé and l'm probably gonna lose my life in here and all you care about is this stinking case.
No.
Well, not entirely.
But, gee, l mean how many times do you get a chance to match wits with a criminal mind like Herbie ''Rembrandt'' Norton's? Speaking of wits, why don't you dredge up the little bit you've got left and get us out of here? All right, l will.
Good.
l promise.
The head teller.
What? That's what.
The head teller.
That's what he did, he romanced the head teller and he gave her a big song and dance about Argentina and a lot of money.
Yeah? There is one other possibility.
What? You.
Me? l didn't really mean it.
l mean but a good investigator never overlooks the obvious.
l didn't really think that.
You want to try this thing? Did you fix it? l don't know, you wanna punch it? Don't tempt me.
[sighing.]
l mean, there's only so many combinations.
This might be the right one.
[electrical buzzing.]
(Magnum) Of course that would probably be expecting too much.
[metallic clanking.]
[water spraying.]
**[instrumental music playing.]
(Agatha) Everyone's ready, Jonathan.
l'd like to take a moment to prepare myself spiritually for the readings.
Certainly.
**[rock music playing.]
[all chattering.]
Did you get a hold of Gloria? Huh? Did you get a hold of Gloria? Still no answer.
l wonder where she could be.
l don't know.
But she's missing a great party.
[knocking on door.]
Paradise Pizza? l beg your pardon.
Paradise Pizza.
We ordered large zombies, everything but anchovies.
Who are you and what are you doing here? Oh, hi, Higgins.
l hope we're not disturbing you.
(Higgins) Disturbing me? l have an entire weekend of quiet meditation and fasting planned and just as we begin our moonlight chanting the cacophonous sounds of that hi-fi come blasting across the grounds.
l come over here to find that not only has Magnum not returned with my book but the two of you have turned Mr.
Masters' guest quarters into some kind of musical rumpus room.
Why on earth would that disturb me? You're not from Paradise Pizza.
l demand to know what you're doing here.
(Agatha) Jonathan? Jonathan! Jonathan! Just a moment, Agatha.
l'm waiting.
Jonathan, l wouldn't disturb you, but.
What is it, Agatha? Something has gone terribly wrong.
lt's the fruit juice.
l don't know if it was out in the sun too long or if it fermented in the bottles.
[people laughing.]
People are behaving in the most outlandish manner.
Millie and Winston are using their lotus pillows to.
Well, it's just shocking.
[people laughing.]
What has happened to my serene weekend? l shall be back and l shall expect a full explanation.
You should know better than to associate with this riff-raff.
You're British.
**[rock music playing.]
You're on your own, Ace.
Wait a minute.
Where're you going? l'm going to find Gloria.
lf l hadn't lied to her in the first place, we could be together now instead of giving excuses to Higgins and her about some dumb-- T.
C.
? What? Gloria? What are you doing here? What am l doing here? What are you doing here? Don't try and turn this around, Theodore Calvin.
You were supposed to go to the Big lsland.
Yeah, right.
Well, l'll explain it all to you on the way.
On the way where? l am taking you home.
Oh, no, you're not.
l was invited to a party.
You had other plans.
l am staying at this party.
Yeah, well, so am l.
Do what you like.
l will, and l intend to have a great time.
Good.
So do l.
l just love to see everyone having such a good time.
(Susan) Hold your breath.
[electrical buzzing.]
Okay.
[whooping.]
You did it.
l can't believe one little match set those suckers off.
Yeah, it must have been some new ultra-sensitive device that Bill installed.
You know something, this calls for a celebration.
You really are a genius.
Thank you.
What would you say to dinner for two with wine? You have dinner for two in your purse? Well, l was gonna have that with Bill later on.
l think l've got an opener here in my-- (both) Backpacker's Pal.
No, l have one here.
See? Good.
Okay.
[exclaims.]
And, for the main course.
Chocolate! Well, l'm a bit of a chocoholic but you can think of it as veal piccata.
No, chocolate's fine.
All right.
Want some wine? Yeah, and look what l've got in here, too.
Got some wine glasses.
[chuckling.]
lsn't that cute? That's great.
Herb knew what he was doing when he got this for me.
You know how to do that? Yeah, you just.
All right.
Thank you.
[laughing.]
Thank you.
[Susan yawns.]
lt's not the company.
lt's lack of air.
Lack of air.
You know, it's incredible.
lt's probably just a matter of minutes before we both start hallucinating.
We'll probably go through this incredible cosmic experience together just before we kick off.
Don't say that.
We're not gonna kick off.
You know, it's funny.
l never really thought about not being here before.
Kind of gives you a different perspective on life, you know.
Can you keep a secret? Sure.
l feel like me with you.
That seems right.
l mean, who else would you be? Somebody else.
No, what l mean is, you know, l'm always.
l'm really never me, you know.
l've always tried to be what somebody else might want me to be.
But l don't feel like that with you.
lt's nice because, l mean, look l've only known you, what is it l don't know, it seems like l've known you at least [both laughing.]
That was funny.
No, seriously.
Have you ever had that kind of an experience? You mean, trying to impress other people? Yeah.
You know, that's what's nice.
See, l don't feel that l have to impress you.
And it's a good feeling.
lt's the same kind of feeling l have with my father.
l don't feel that l have to impress him, either.
l mean bail him out and keep him away from people, maybe.
But impress him no, never.
Never.
We need music.
[radio crackling.]
**[music playing.]
Were you ever married? l'm gonna find a station.
Why do you do that? Do what? Every time l ask you something about yourself, you change the subject.
No, l don't.
Yes, you do.
You don't want anybody to get to know you? No, l don't do that.
That's not true.
[female newscaster chattering.]
l'm gonna find another station.
[channels switching.]
**[music playing on radio.]
So anyway, there we were, Herb and l we were hiding out and we had to camp out on the Bodensee for three whole days with nothing to eat but chocolate.
[chuckles.]
Are you hallucinating? Mean Ralphie Hansen.
Where? No.
No.
When l was in the third grade mean Ralphie Hansen walked home from school the same way l did.
He was a big kid.
Sixth grader.
Everyone knew he carried a knife.
What did you do? l ran home every afternoon for the whole year.
l was scared.
l don't think l ever told anybody that.
And, yes, l was married.
(male announcer) And now, for all you strangers out there wherever you are, here's hoping.
**[Strangers in the Night playing.]
You want to dance? Me? Yeah.
You mean right now? What else you gotta do? l'm not much of a dancer.
Who's gonna notice? Come on.
Okay.
Pull me up.
l'd love to.
[chuckling.]
Would you excuse us? Excuse us.
Pardon me.
Sorry.
Here's a spot.
[chuckling.]
You know l have this theory that you can really tell when you might be compatible with somebody by the way you dance together.
Now, the Count, you know, Stefen he couldn't dance a step.
And Bill? Bill? Oh, Bill.
Bill never takes me dancing.
You know, it's just possible that Bill.
What? No, it's nothing.
lt's a bad habit of mine.
lnvestigating when l should be dancing.
**[disco music playing.]
[people chattering.]
Excuse me.
lt looks like you're having a wonderful time.
l am.
Good, l'm glad.
Look, l'm sorry.
l was supposed to go away.
On the weekend my cousin and l come in town? Look, l wanted to see you.
But every time your cousin Elena comes in town we wind up fighting.
This isn't a fight.
lt's a.
We do? My cousin's not in town right now.
Wanna dance? l thought you would never ask.
[exclaims.]
[T.
C.
sighs.]
(Magnum) As our air supply dwindled Susan and I got sleepier and sleepier.
I knew I had to do something to get us out of there.
And it suddenly occurred to me.
When the wires shorted out the code could have gotten scrambled.
Maybe it was just a matter of trying combinations of numbers to get the door open.
I know what you're thinking, and you're right.
The odds of my hitting upon just the right combination of numbers was pretty remote.
But then, you've gotta take into account the luck factor.
Susan? (man) Hey.
Huh? Hello.
Who are you? (Susan) Yoo-hoo! Where are you? * Strangers in the night * * Exchanging glances ** (man) Susan? Yes? Susan, what are you doing here? l'm dancing.
Bill! Bill, l have to talk to you.
l think l can explain.
lt's not what you think.
l'm a private investigator.
Private investigator? Bill, l can't marry you.
Susan, don't you think this could wait? No, no, l have to tell him now.
Now, while all the fresh air is giving me courage.
Get over there.
Bill, don't take it so hard.
You didn't come here for us.
So you found the money.
You see, even if l hadn't.
Oh, you know about the money? l think this is where he tells us about Argentina.
No, Rio, actually.
Which is where l'll be going just as soon as l get my passport.
Oh.
Are we going to Rio? No, no.
Not we.
Me.
l'm going to Rio.
You mean you weren't going to propose? No, l was going to let you and your father take the fall.
l'm sorry, Susan.
But all my life l've been a brown paper bag in a Gucci world.
Everybody's entitled to one shot at success and this was my chance.
l never planned on telling you all this.
lf l hadn't forgotten the darned passport you would never even had to see me again.
Try to understand.
Well l guess there's nothing else to say except hasta luego.
Wait.
All right.
Get over.
Get over there.
Bill-- Quiet.
Bill.
l'm afraid you have just outsmarted yourself, Mr.
Private lnvestigator.
[metallic clanking.]
Hey, hey! What is it? [Susan giggling.]
Shut it off! How do you shut this thing off? Turn it off.
Get it off.
l'm sorry, Bill.
l'm sorry.
lt's just that you look so wet.
All right.
All right.
So, what did you do with the real money? [Magnum laughing.]
l had it transferred to a Swiss account.
l've been planning this for three years.
Ever since l found out that your old man is-- ls Herb.
''Rembrandt.
'' Norton.
[Susan cackling.]
So, you got together with my father and you cooked all this up? No.
l never met him.
An old rival of his, Lefty Shultz he came to me with this idea to frame him.
Lefty's the one that printed the money.
Come on, Bill.
l'll just take the gun.
Oh, no, you don't.
Get over there.
Those little poems you recited were inspirational.
Well, they're not poems, really.
Whatever.
They were inspiring.
They reminded me a lot of my favorite poet Kahlil Gibran.
You ever read Kahlil Gibran? Not recently, no.
l'll send you a copy of one of his books.
Just my way of saying thanks.
(Agatha) Jonathan? Well see you next year, Johnny.
Toodle-oo.
Quite.
[groans.]
Hey, man.
This is strange.
You're right.
l don't know what's wrong with me this morning.
No, no, no.
l mean, look what l found in the bathroom.
Soap, shampoo, toothpaste.
lt's not all that strange, T.
C.
lt is if the guy who lives here took off for the weekend.
Plus, here's his duffel bag with all his clothes packed.
So? The thing is, he left all this stuff here.
You think that maybe he didn't go to the Big lsland? That's what it looks like to me.
Where is Magnum? We don't know.
We thought that he went to the Big lsland.
l might have known.
Without the slightest thought for the consequences he left the Ferrari parked in a 20-minute zone.
Yeah, but we found his stuff here.
What did you say? l said, l don't think he went anywhere.
Where did you say he parked the car? (Susan) There go his eyes.
(Magnum) l think he's gonna nod off.
When he does, l'll get the gun.
You know, l never for a minute believed he was going to propose.
You didn't? No kidding.
You know, l can't figure it out.
Guy like that could have had someone as wonderful as you and he blows it.
For what? Money? Doesn't make sense.
Am l hallucinating or did you just say something very sweet? Hey! Stop talking.
[chuckles.]
l am hallucinating.
l think l see Mr.
Halliburton.
(Halliburton) Campbell? lt is Mr.
Halliburton.
ln all my years of banking never have l had an employee locked in the vault.
Magnum, how could you? Me? lt wasn't my idea.
lt was my fault.
She's right.
lt was her fault.
Hey, he's got a gun! Wait a minute, l got him! [all clamoring.]
(Rick) All right, l got it! (Higgins) Oh, my God.
**[playing off-key Strangers in the Night.]
**[Susan humming Strangers in the Night.]
(Magnum) Hi.
Hi.
l knocked, but l can understand why you didn't hear me.
Come on in.
How're you doing? Fine.
Just fine.
How are you? Fine.
Herb? How's Herb? Fine.
Herb's been working on a special plate.
This kind.
l brought you one.
The Eiffel Tower.
He's.
He's been asked to do a whole series of commemorative plates.
And this is the first one.
His life of crime is over, l think.
l hope.
That's terrific.
May l? He's also going to go on a world tour to make the preliminary sketches and he's asked me to go along with him.
Kind of like we'd be out camping again.
Are you gonna go? Well, l figure l might as well.
l mean, after all, l still have my (both) Backpacker's Pal.
This is.
lt's very nice, thank you.
This can't really make up for everything you did for me.
l didn't do anything.
Yes, you did.
The time l spent with you changed my entire life.
Come here.
Well, l've got a job to quit.
Send me a postcard.
One a country.