Reno 911! (2003) s04e14 Episode Script
Dangle's Wedding (1)
Woman: Ok, well today we have a Woman: Ok, well today we have a Woman: Ok, well today we have a real special treat for you.
Real special treat for you.
Real special treat for you.
[music playing.]
wait, wait! Stop.
Stop! wait, wait! Stop.
Stop! wait, wait! Stop.
Stop! [music stops.]
[music stops.]
[music stops.]
leslie?! leslie?! leslie?! james, youAre my light.
james, youAre my light.
james, youAre my light.
And I need to ask you something.
And I need to ask you something.
And I need to ask you something.
Will you please make me the Will you please make me the Will you please make me the happiest man in the world? Happiest man in the world? Happiest man in the world? oh, my god! Fuck! oh, my god! Fuck! oh, my god! Fuck! Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Jesus christ help him! Jesus christ help him! Jesus christ help him! it's all right.
it's all right.
it's all right.
are you all right? are you all right? are you all right? yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Fine.
Fine.
he's ok.
he's ok.
he's ok.
he's all right, everybody.
he's all right, everybody.
he's all right, everybody.
will you be my life partner? will you be my life partner? will you be my life partner? aah! aah! aah! say yes.
say yes.
say yes.
yes! Yes! OhMmm.
Mmm.
yes! Yes! OhMmm.
Mmm.
yes! Yes! OhMmm.
Mmm.
[light applause.]
[light applause.]
[light applause.]
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you, too.
I love you, too.
I love you, too.
hey! hey! hey! aah! aah! aah! All: Hey! Who did that? All: Hey! Who did that? All: Hey! Who did that? it was that little fucking it was that little fucking it was that little fucking mexican kid! she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a trick! hyah! I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
whoa! whoa! whoa! oh! Oh! [blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by the belt.
get back in the building! get back in the building! get back in the building! No loitering! aah! aah! aah! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
mtv networks.]
Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah! Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah! Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah! [game announcer droning on [game announcer droning on [game announcer droning on radio.]
Radio.]
Radio.]
dangle: Ok, let's do a fight Dangle: Ok, let's do a fight Dangle: Ok, let's do a fight line.
Line.
Line.
fight line.
fight line.
fight line.
Dangle: Make a fight line.
Dangle: Make a fight line.
Dangle: Make a fight line.
Remember? Like we talked about.
Remember? Like we talked about.
Remember? Like we talked about.
Look alive! Look alive! Look alive! Look alive! Look alive! Look alive! Williams: Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Williams: Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Williams: Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Announcer: You could cut the Announcer: You could cut the Announcer: You could cut the tension here tonight with a Tension here tonight with a Tension here tonight with a knife.
Knife.
Knife.
Dangle: Tighten up your metal! Dangle: Tighten up your metal! Dangle: Tighten up your metal! Tighten up your metal! Tighten up your metal! Tighten up your metal! Announcer: And I gotta tell Announcer: And I gotta tell Announcer: And I gotta tell you, the last time they won, You, the last time they won, You, the last time they won, they ripped this town apart.
They ripped this town apart.
They ripped this town apart.
Hoo, there was rioting, cars set Hoo, there was rioting, cars set Hoo, there was rioting, cars set on fire, dozens of law On fire, dozens of law On fire, dozens of law enforcement officers injured and Enforcement officers injured and Enforcement officers injured and hospitalized, and, of course, Hospitalized, and, of course, Hospitalized, and, of course, raping sprees.
And here we go, Raping sprees.
And here we go, Raping sprees.
And here we go, coming out of the time out.
Here Coming out of the time out.
Here Coming out of the time out.
Here it is.
20 seconds on the clock.
It is.
20 seconds on the clock.
It is.
20 seconds on the clock.
And it's the wolf pack up by 2.
And it's the wolf pack up by 2.
And it's the wolf pack up by 2.
Dangle: Shock and awe, people.
Dangle: Shock and awe, people.
Dangle: Shock and awe, people.
Shock and awe.
Shock and awe.
Shock and awe.
[officers grunting.]
[officers grunting.]
[officers grunting.]
announcer: 6 seconds left.
Announcer: 6 seconds left.
Announcer: 6 seconds left.
Valdez left, he tries for the Valdez left, he tries for the Valdez left, he tries for the steal.
2 seconds left.
Hoffman Steal.
2 seconds left.
Hoffman Steal.
2 seconds left.
Hoffman shoots.
Livingston tries to Shoots.
Livingston tries to Shoots.
Livingston tries to block! It's good! Block! It's good! Block! It's good! All: Oh! All: Oh! All: Oh! Announcer: The poor wolf pack, Announcer: The poor wolf pack, Announcer: The poor wolf pack, they can't do it.
They lose They can't do it.
They lose They can't do it.
They lose it It It oh, thank god reno sucks.
oh, thank god reno sucks.
oh, thank god reno sucks.
Dangle: Thank god we suck.
Dangle: Thank god we suck.
Dangle: Thank god we suck.
ââ¢Âª sacramento's number one ââ¢Âª Williams: Here we ghola, Williams: Here we ghola, Williams: Here we ghola, senior.
Nice.
Senior.
Nice.
Senior.
Nice.
Man: Crap! Man: Crap! Man: Crap! ok ok ok crap.
You guys! I'm so glad crap.
You guys! I'm so glad crap.
You guys! I'm so glad you're here.
You're here.
You're here.
what's up? what's up? what's up? somebody stole all of the somebody stole all of the somebody stole all of the mild salsa.
Mild salsa.
Mild salsa.
that's why you called us out that's why you called us out that's why you called us out here? Here? Here? yes.
It's usually on the yes.
It's usually on the yes.
It's usually on the counter next to the hot.
You Counter next to the hot.
You Counter next to the hot.
You know, it goes mild and then hot? Know, it goes mild and then hot? Know, it goes mild and then hot? right.
right.
right.
and it was gone.
The mild is and it was gone.
The mild is and it was gone.
The mild is gone.
Wait.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Your Gone.
Wait.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Your Gone.
Wait.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Your order's up.
Oh, jeez.
Here we Order's up.
Oh, jeez.
Here we Order's up.
Oh, jeez.
Here we go.
Ow! Ouch! Go.
Ow! Ouch! Go.
Ow! Ouch! you know, terry.
you know, terry.
you know, terry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
terry.
terry.
terry.
what? what? what? you bring that on yourself, you bring that on yourself, you bring that on yourself, all right? All right? All right? what do you mean? what do you mean? what do you mean? no one told you you had to no one told you you had to no one told you you had to wear those skates.
Wear those skates.
Wear those skates.
or those shorts.
or those shorts.
or those shorts.
they probably prefer that you they probably prefer that you they probably prefer that you don't wear the skates.
Don't wear the skates.
Don't wear the skates.
why? why? why? why? why? why? these skates-- these skates-- these skates-- um, I don't know.
um, I don't know.
um, I don't know.
these skates were given to me these skates were given to me these skates were given to me by my great, great grandmother.
By my great, great grandmother.
By my great, great grandmother.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
she was from china.
she was from china.
she was from china.
I know what this is about.
I I know what this is about.
I I know what this is about.
I know what this is about.
Know what this is about.
Know what this is about.
what is it about? what is it about? what is it about? what is it about? what is it about? what is it about? terryYou are an attention terryYou are an attention terryYou are an attention whore.
Whore.
Whore.
what does that mean? what does that mean? what does that mean? what does it mean? what does it mean? what does it mean? what doesn't it mean, terry? what doesn't it mean, terry? what doesn't it mean, terry? I don't think I am.
I don't think I am.
I don't think I am.
you don't? you don't? you don't? here's your food.
See, here's your food.
See, here's your food.
See, I got it.
Oh! Ouch.
[easy music playing.]
[easy music playing.]
[easy music playing.]
I feel very braveheart.
I feel very braveheart.
I feel very braveheart.
Don't you guys? Don't you guys? Don't you guys? [knock knock knock.]
[knock knock knock.]
[knock knock knock.]
I feel like a very good I feel like a very good I feel like a very good combination braveheart and Combination braveheart and Combination braveheart and debbie does dallain the best Debbie does dallain the best Debbie does dallain the best way.
Way.
Way.
Garcia: Hey, dangle Garcia: Hey, dangle Garcia: Hey, dangle it couldn't be more macho to it couldn't be more macho to it couldn't be more macho to wear a kilt.
Wear a kilt.
Wear a kilt.
he got fucking killed in the he got fucking killed in the he got fucking killed in the end of that movie, didn't he? End of that movie, didn't he? End of that movie, didn't he? hell.
Hell, look at.
I feel hell.
Hell, look at.
I feel hell.
Hell, look at.
I feel like a fucking lawn jockey.
Like a fucking lawn jockey.
Like a fucking lawn jockey.
you look wonderful.
What sort you look wonderful.
What sort you look wonderful.
What sort of a lawn jockey would dress Of a lawn jockey would dress Of a lawn jockey would dress like that? A highland warrior Like that? A highland warrior Like that? A highland warrior jockey.
It's perfect.
You look Jockey.
It's perfect.
You look Jockey.
It's perfect.
You look perfect for a gay Perfect for a gay Perfect for a gay commitment ceremony.
Commitment ceremony.
Commitment ceremony.
yeah, I look like a gay yeah, I look like a gay yeah, I look like a gay leprechaun, if that's what you Leprechaun, if that's what you Leprechaun, if that's what you mean.
Mean.
Mean.
leprechauns don't wear kilts.
leprechauns don't wear kilts.
leprechauns don't wear kilts.
well, whatever.
It's just well, whatever.
It's just well, whatever.
It's just foolish.
I mean-- Foolish.
I mean-- Foolish.
I mean-- and I don't appreciate the and I don't appreciate the and I don't appreciate the gay aspect of that.
Gay aspect of that.
Gay aspect of that.
well, I don't appreciate you well, I don't appreciate you well, I don't appreciate you trying to make us dress like Trying to make us dress like Trying to make us dress like fools.
I mean, why couldn't we Fools.
I mean, why couldn't we Fools.
I mean, why couldn't we just wear our formals? Just wear our formals? Just wear our formals? this is formal! What about this is formal! What about this is formal! What about this is informal?! This is informal?! This is informal?! it's stupid.
it's stupid.
it's stupid.
it's a skirt.
it's a skirt.
it's a skirt.
it's not a skirt! It's a it's not a skirt! It's a it's not a skirt! It's a kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt! Kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt! Kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt! Jones: What about the purse, Jones: What about the purse, Jones: What about the purse, though? The purse is-- Though? The purse is-- Though? The purse is-- sporran! It's a sporran! sporran! It's a sporran! sporran! It's a sporran! we look like women, dangle.
I we look like women, dangle.
I we look like women, dangle.
I think you're trying to recruit-- Think you're trying to recruit-- Think you're trying to recruit-- we look like highland we look like highland we look like highland warriors! Warriors! Warriors! I think you're trying to I think you're trying to I think you're trying to recruit us is what you're trying Recruit us is what you're trying Recruit us is what you're trying to do.
It's bad enough-- To do.
It's bad enough-- To do.
It's bad enough-- what?! Say it again.
what?! Say it again.
what?! Say it again.
What'd you just say?! What did What'd you just say?! What did What'd you just say?! What did you just say?! You just say?! You just say?! I said fag ceremony.
I said fag ceremony.
I said fag ceremony.
come on! Come on! come on! Come on! come on! Come on! let go! let go! let go! say it again.
say it again.
say it again.
Junior: Garcia Junior: Garcia Junior: Garcia Dangle: Say it again.
Say it Dangle: Say it again.
Say it Dangle: Say it again.
Say it again.
Again.
Again.
garciaJames, you look garciaJames, you look garciaJames, you look gayer when you're wrestling.
Gayer when you're wrestling.
Gayer when you're wrestling.
Dangle: Unh! Say it again.
Dangle: Unh! Say it again.
Dangle: Unh! Say it again.
Garcia: I'm not going.
Garcia: I'm not going.
Garcia: I'm not going.
Dangle: Get him off.
Dangle: Get him off.
Dangle: Get him off.
I hope you have a happy week I hope you have a happy week I hope you have a happy week together.
Bullshit.
Together.
Bullshit.
Together.
Bullshit.
what do the bridesmaids wear what do the bridesmaids wear what do the bridesmaids wear if we're wearing skirts? If we're wearing skirts? If we're wearing skirts? you are the bridesmaids.
Wiegel: Sheriff's department.
Wiegel: Sheriff's department.
Wiegel: Sheriff's department.
Kimball: I've got a report about Kimball: I've got a report about Kimball: I've got a report about a stolen car.
A stolen car.
A stolen car.
Man: Her majesty's guard.
Man: Her majesty's guard.
Man: Her majesty's guard.
Woman: Her majesty's guard! What Woman: Her majesty's guard! What Woman: Her majesty's guard! What news does thou bringeth from her News does thou bringeth from her News does thou bringeth from her majesty the queen? Majesty the queen? Majesty the queen? well, I'll tell you.
We are well, I'll tell you.
We are well, I'll tell you.
We are looking for--apparently there Looking for--apparently there Looking for--apparently there was a report of a stolen car, Was a report of a stolen car, Was a report of a stolen car, and someone called it in, and we And someone called it in, and we And someone called it in, and we were wondering if somebody saw Were wondering if somebody saw Were wondering if somebody saw something.
Something.
Something.
aye.
Aye.
Aye.
We did just aye.
Aye.
Aye.
We did just aye.
Aye.
Aye.
We did just this morrow see a rapscallion This morrow see a rapscallion This morrow see a rapscallion abscond with a horseless Abscond with a horseless Abscond with a horseless carriage not 2 leagues hence.
Carriage not 2 leagues hence.
Carriage not 2 leagues hence.
aye, this be a brutal act of aye, this be a brutal act of aye, this be a brutal act of skullduggery.
Thank goodness Skullduggery.
Thank goodness Skullduggery.
Thank goodness thou hast been called upon to Thou hast been called upon to Thou hast been called upon to save-- Save-- Save-- kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench.
Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench.
Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench.
Quiet down for a second.
Quiet down for a second.
Quiet down for a second.
when the car was stolen, what when the car was stolen, what when the car was stolen, what did it look like? Who was Did it look like? Who was Did it look like? Who was driving it? Driving it? Driving it? we did see a tall, moorish we did see a tall, moorish we did see a tall, moorish a tawny moor.
a tawny moor.
a tawny moor.
Tawny Tawny Tawny Kimball: A tawny moor? Kimball: A tawny moor? Kimball: A tawny moor? Man: A tawny moor.
16 stone, Man: A tawny moor.
16 stone, Man: A tawny moor.
16 stone, Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black guy.
Guy.
Guy.
aye! Black guy! Sir black guy aye! Black guy! Sir black guy aye! Black guy! Sir black guy did come hither and-- Did come hither and-- Did come hither and-- moor.
Moor.
Moor.
Tawny moor.
moor.
Moor.
Moor.
Tawny moor.
moor.
Moor.
Moor.
Tawny moor.
a moor.
Sir moor did come a moor.
Sir moor did come a moor.
Sir moor did come and abscond with the and abscond with the and abscond with the horseless carriage 2 leagues Horseless carriage 2 leagues Horseless carriage 2 leagues hence.
Hence.
Hence.
Wiegel: And how tall was he, Wiegel: And how tall was he, Wiegel: And how tall was he, do you know? Do you know? Do you know? 13 hand.
13 hand.
13 hand.
13 hand? How 'bout in 13 hand? How 'bout in 13 hand? How 'bout in english? How many5 English? How many5 English? How many5 About 5'6".
About 5'6".
About 5'6".
well, you know what? That's well, you know what? That's well, you know what? That's taller.
He's giving you-- Taller.
He's giving you-- Taller.
He's giving you-- ok.
Now, do you know the make ok.
Now, do you know the make ok.
Now, do you know the make of the car.
It would be very Of the car.
It would be very Of the car.
It would be very helpful.
Helpful.
Helpful.
t'was from a faraway land.
t'was from a faraway land.
t'was from a faraway land.
in english! The make of the in english! The make of the in english! The make of the car was a Car was a Car was a faraway faraway faraway a ford? a ford? a ford? it was a mitsubishi gallant.
it was a mitsubishi gallant.
it was a mitsubishi gallant.
a mitsubishi gallant! Thank a mitsubishi gallant! Thank a mitsubishi gallant! Thank you.
You.
You.
rachel, we're gonna have a rachel, we're gonna have a rachel, we're gonna have a problem.
Some of us are taking Problem.
Some of us are taking Problem.
Some of us are taking this job seriously.
This job seriously.
This job seriously.
good day.
good day.
good day.
good day! good day! good day! god save the queen! god save the queen! god save the queen! Man: You are a wacko! Man: You are a wacko! Man: You are a wacko! what the fuck is your what the fuck is your what the fuck is your problem?! Problem?! Problem?! [siren.]
this whole dangle/leslie this whole dangle/leslie this whole dangle/leslie commitment ceremony thing is Commitment ceremony thing is Commitment ceremony thing is really getting under my skin.
Really getting under my skin.
Really getting under my skin.
II have, you know, a past II have, you know, a past II have, you know, a past with jim, and I assume that With jim, and I assume that With jim, and I assume that what's happening here is I've What's happening here is I've What's happening here is I've gotten knocked up.
Clearly, I'm Gotten knocked up.
Clearly, I'm Gotten knocked up.
Clearly, I'm taken, in a way, and he suddenly Taken, in a way, and he suddenly Taken, in a way, and he suddenly has to pretend like he's gay.
Has to pretend like he's gay.
Has to pretend like he's gay.
I'm happy for him.
Actually, I'm happy for him.
Actually, I'm happy for him.
Actually, I'm very happy for him.
If it I'm very happy for him.
If it I'm very happy for him.
If it makes him happier, I'm happy for Makes him happier, I'm happy for Makes him happier, I'm happy for him.
Him.
Him.
I'm happy for him.
I'm sad I'm happy for him.
I'm sad I'm happy for him.
I'm sad for leslie, though.
He could do For leslie, though.
He could do For leslie, though.
He could do better.
ââ¢Âª hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ââ¢Âª how's my sporran look, joe? How's my sporran look, joe? How's my sporran look, joe? looks great.
looks great.
looks great.
[knock on door.]
[knock on door.]
[knock on door.]
surprise! surprise! surprise! [dance music playing.]
Jim.
Jim.
Jim.
hi, trudy.
hi, trudy.
hi, trudy.
I was gonna get out and do I was gonna get out and do I was gonna get out and do a-- A-- A-- yeah, uh yeah, uh yeah, uh hold on.
I have a dance.
Hold hold on.
I have a dance.
Hold hold on.
I have a dance.
Hold on.
This isn't-- On.
This isn't-- On.
This isn't-- oh, god.
oh, god.
oh, god.
I had envisioned this so much I had envisioned this so much I had envisioned this so much sexier.
ungh! ungh! ungh! hold on, jim.
That's the best hold on, jim.
That's the best hold on, jim.
That's the best part.
I did a sexy robot.
Part.
I did a sexy robot.
Part.
I did a sexy robot.
[jim vomits, toilet flushes.]
[jim vomits, toilet flushes.]
[jim vomits, toilet flushes.]
really.
really.
really.
oh, you look beautiful.
oh, you look beautiful.
oh, you look beautiful.
I do? I do? I do? yeah, you look so beautiful.
yeah, you look so beautiful.
yeah, you look so beautiful.
thanks, jim.
thanks, jim.
thanks, jim.
let's get you out of here let's get you out of here let's get you out of here now.
Now.
Now.
I thought, you know, you and I thought, you know, you and I thought, you know, you and I might have one last chance I might have one last chance I might have one last chance 'cause, you know, you're gonna 'cause, you know, you're gonna 'cause, you know, you're gonna tie the knot.
Tie the knot.
Tie the knot.
yup.
yup.
yup.
it's not too late.
it's not too late.
it's not too late.
ha ha! Yeah, it is.
ha ha! Yeah, it is.
ha ha! Yeah, it is.
if you can get me out of this if you can get me out of this if you can get me out of this thing.
Thing.
Thing.
oh.
Ah.
You're really stuck, oh.
Ah.
You're really stuck, oh.
Ah.
You're really stuck, huh? Huh? Huh? yeah, I really am.
I think yeah, I really am.
I think yeah, I really am.
I think these are not made for pregnant These are not made for pregnant These are not made for pregnant women.
Jim, I'm caught.
I'm Women.
Jim, I'm caught.
I'm Women.
Jim, I'm caught.
I'm really caught.
Really caught.
Really caught.
[jim groans loudly.]
[jim groans loudly.]
[jim groans loudly.]
I'm gonna--suck it in.
Suck I'm gonna--suck it in.
Suck I'm gonna--suck it in.
Suck in for a second.
In for a second.
In for a second.
there's no sucking in when-- there's no sucking in when-- there's no sucking in when-- suck in! Suck in! Still, suck suck in! Suck in! Still, suck suck in! Suck in! Still, suck in for a second! Ya! In for a second! Ya! In for a second! Ya! I'm not moving at all.
Oh, I'm not moving at all.
Oh, I'm not moving at all.
Oh, no! I ruined everything.
No! I ruined everything.
No! I ruined everything.
no, you didn't ruin no, you didn't ruin no, you didn't ruin everything.
You didn't ruin Everything.
You didn't ruin Everything.
You didn't ruin everything.
You're just naked Everything.
You're just naked Everything.
You're just naked and stuck.
And stuck.
And stuck.
yeah.
And lactating.
yeah.
And lactating.
yeah.
And lactating.
[jim vomits.]
[jim vomits.]
[jim vomits.]
are you ok? I'm worried about are you ok? I'm worried about are you ok? I'm worried about you.
It's probably just nerves, You.
It's probably just nerves, You.
It's probably just nerves, jim.
It happens.
hey, brisbee.
hey, brisbee.
hey, brisbee.
brisbee! Well, the end times brisbee! Well, the end times brisbee! Well, the end times are near.
The truths of Are near.
The truths of Are near.
The truths of revelations have manifested Revelations have manifested Revelations have manifested themselves.
Themselves.
Themselves.
the day has come? the day has come? the day has come? mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
Williams: It's happening.
Williams: It's happening.
Williams: It's happening.
the jews? the jews? the jews? the jews have taken over.
the jews have taken over.
the jews have taken over.
and now we gotta come around, and now we gotta come around, and now we gotta come around, and give every head of household And give every head of household And give every head of household the mark.
The mark.
The mark.
the mark of the beast.
the mark of the beast.
the mark of the beast.
oh, what are they gonna do? oh, what are they gonna do? oh, what are they gonna do? Are they gonna come take my Are they gonna come take my Are they gonna come take my home? Home? Home? yes.
yes.
yes.
they gonna come, take my they gonna come, take my they gonna come, take my land? Land? Land? yes.
yes.
yes.
they gonna come, take my they gonna come, take my they gonna come, take my babies? Babies? Babies? yes.
yes.
yes.
yes.
Yes to all of those.
yes.
Yes to all of those.
yes.
Yes to all of those.
what, are they gonna make 'em what, are they gonna make 'em what, are they gonna make 'em the jew-bees? The jew-bees? The jew-bees? yes.
yes.
yes.
yes.
Some of the ones who yes.
Some of the ones who yes.
Some of the ones who have a little somethin' going Have a little somethin' going Have a little somethin' going on upstairs are taking for new On upstairs are taking for new On upstairs are taking for new ground.
Mexico.
That's what I Ground.
Mexico.
That's what I Ground.
Mexico.
That's what I heard.
Heard.
Heard.
where is it? where is it? where is it? it's south.
Leave under the it's south.
Leave under the it's south.
Leave under the cover of darkness, sleep during Cover of darkness, sleep during Cover of darkness, sleep during the day.
Take to the trees and The day.
Take to the trees and The day.
Take to the trees and the riverbeds.
You'll be safe.
The riverbeds.
You'll be safe.
The riverbeds.
You'll be safe.
kids! kids! kids! the mayor's son owns all this the mayor's son owns all this the mayor's son owns all this property, and wants them off.
Property, and wants them off.
Property, and wants them off.
Ok, they been squattin' just a Ok, they been squattin' just a Ok, they been squattin' just a little bit too long.
Little bit too long.
Little bit too long.
dear jesus, we know you dear jesus, we know you dear jesus, we know you really weren't jewish.
grab around here.
I'm very grab around here.
I'm very grab around here.
I'm very sweaty under my boobs, so I'm Sweaty under my boobs, so I'm Sweaty under my boobs, so I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
ok, we're gonna corkscrew ok, we're gonna corkscrew ok, we're gonna corkscrew towards you.
towards you.
towards you.
towards me.
towards me.
towards me.
lefty loosie.
lefty loosie.
lefty loosie.
lefty loosie.
You ready? Aah! lefty loosie.
You ready? Aah! lefty loosie.
You ready? Aah! this can't be great for the this can't be great for the this can't be great for the baby.
Baby.
Baby.
I don't think it's a good I don't think it's a good I don't think it's a good idea.
Idea.
Idea.
ok.
Ok.
Ok.
All right, what ok.
Ok.
Ok.
All right, what ok.
Ok.
Ok.
All right, what if we get some soap? If we get some soap? If we get some soap? soap! soap! soap! Williams: Trudy? What did you Williams: Trudy? What did you Williams: Trudy? What did you do? What did you do? Do? What did you do? Do? What did you do? the whole thing I was gonna the whole thing I was gonna the whole thing I was gonna do.
I was doing--I was the sexy Do.
I was doing--I was the sexy Do.
I was doing--I was the sexy robot, and then I had a ping Robot, and then I had a ping Robot, and then I had a ping pong ball that was gonna come Pong ball that was gonna come Pong ball that was gonna come out of my vagina, and now my Out of my vagina, and now my Out of my vagina, and now my edible panties-- Edible panties-- Edible panties-- ok.
Ok.
All right.
ok.
Ok.
All right.
ok.
Ok.
All right.
let's just get her out.
let's just get her out.
let's just get her out.
well, I got a bunch of lube well, I got a bunch of lube well, I got a bunch of lube in my car.
In my car.
In my car.
Junior: Go get it.
Junior: Go get it.
Junior: Go get it.
Dangle: Go get it.
Dangle: Go get it.
Dangle: Go get it.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
well, we'll just put it on well, we'll just put it on well, we'll just put it on your-- Your-- Your-- junior: We'll lube the cake! Junior: We'll lube the cake! Junior: We'll lube the cake! lube washes off your back! lube washes off your back! lube washes off your back! Lube washes off your back! Trust Lube washes off your back! Trust Lube washes off your back! Trust me.
Me.
Me.
ok.
Just, my baby's gonna be ok.
Just, my baby's gonna be ok.
Just, my baby's gonna be traumatized enough as it is.
Traumatized enough as it is.
Traumatized enough as it is.
he's not gonna know that you he's not gonna know that you he's not gonna know that you were in a cake full of lube.
Were in a cake full of lube.
Were in a cake full of lube.
and up! and up! and up! maybe we should call the fire maybe we should call the fire maybe we should call the fire department.
Department.
Department.
not from her head.
not from her head.
not from her head.
I'm not going to.
I'm not going to.
I'm not going to.
go! go! go! anybody? Anything? anybody? Anything? anybody? Anything? her backs really sweaty in her backs really sweaty in her backs really sweaty in this cake.
It's got cake and This cake.
It's got cake and This cake.
It's got cake and sweat and icing.
Sweat and icing.
Sweat and icing.
oh, hey, guys.
oh, hey, guys.
oh, hey, guys.
how are ya? how are ya? how are ya? we got one of these here.
we got one of these here.
we got one of these here.
how's it going, guys? how's it going, guys? how's it going, guys? hey, well, congratulations.
hey, well, congratulations.
hey, well, congratulations.
oh, thanks very much.
Thanks.
oh, thanks very much.
Thanks.
oh, thanks very much.
Thanks.
and thanks for inviting us to and thanks for inviting us to and thanks for inviting us to the ceremony.
The ceremony.
The ceremony.
hey, look.
It's been crazy.
hey, look.
It's been crazy.
hey, look.
It's been crazy.
totally understand.
totally understand.
totally understand.
well, you had limited space.
well, you had limited space.
well, you had limited space.
limited seating.
I limited seating.
I limited seating.
I understand.
Understand.
Understand.
we did take some time to get we did take some time to get we did take some time to get you a little gift.
It's the You a little gift.
It's the You a little gift.
It's the sound plates.
Feel free to Sound plates.
Feel free to Sound plates.
Feel free to re-gift if you need to.
Re-gift if you need to.
Re-gift if you need to.
sound plates? sound plates? sound plates? saw it where you were saw it where you were saw it where you were registered.
Registered.
Registered.
I didn't even know he was I didn't even know he was I didn't even know he was registered.
Registered.
Registered.
princess di commemorative princess di commemorative princess di commemorative plates.
Plates.
Plates.
can you get me out of this can you get me out of this can you get me out of this fucking cake?! Fucking cake?! Fucking cake?! today is not about you! Today today is not about you! Today today is not about you! Today is not about you! Today is Is not about you! Today is Is not about you! Today is dangle's day.
Dangle's day.
Dangle's day.
don't upset her.
don't upset her.
don't upset her.
what about--I'm just gonna go what about--I'm just gonna go what about--I'm just gonna go in right here.
In right here.
In right here.
hold on.
Hold on! Hold on! hold on.
Hold on! Hold on! hold on.
Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Either my edible Hold on! Either my edible Hold on! Either my edible panties just disintegrated or Panties just disintegrated or Panties just disintegrated or my water just broke.
My water just broke.
My water just broke.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
there's a slimy ping pong there's a slimy ping pong there's a slimy ping pong ball.
Holy shit Ball.
Holy shit Ball.
Holy shit breath.
You're gonna be fine.
hey, enrique, this toy gun I hey, enrique, this toy gun I hey, enrique, this toy gun I got from the regular toy store Got from the regular toy store Got from the regular toy store looks so real.
I bet it could Looks so real.
I bet it could Looks so real.
I bet it could fool anybody.
Fool anybody.
Fool anybody.
you're exactly right.
I bet you're exactly right.
I bet you're exactly right.
I bet it would even fool a cop.
It would even fool a cop.
It would even fool a cop.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
hold it right there.
hold it right there.
hold it right there.
People, on behalf of law People, on behalf of law People, on behalf of law enforcement, we think it's real.
Enforcement, we think it's real.
Enforcement, we think it's real.
Trust me.
If people try to Trust me.
If people try to Trust me.
If people try to shoot at you on your job all day Shoot at you on your job all day Shoot at you on your job all day long, just about anything would Long, just about anything would Long, just about anything would start to look like a gun.
Start to look like a gun.
Start to look like a gun.
Staplers, a candy bar, even g.
I.
Staplers, a candy bar, even g.
I.
Staplers, a candy bar, even g.
I.
Joe's black brave friends, the Joe's black brave friends, the Joe's black brave friends, the tuskegee airmen.
Tuskegee airmen.
Tuskegee airmen.
so it sounds like when I see so it sounds like when I see so it sounds like when I see a police officer, I shouldn't A police officer, I shouldn't A police officer, I shouldn't point anything at him.
Point anything at him.
Point anything at him.
or maybe thank him or her for or maybe thank him or her for or maybe thank him or her for making our community safer.
Making our community safer.
Making our community safer.
but even better, don't look but even better, don't look but even better, don't look at us at all.
At us at all.
At us at all.
[all laugh.]
breathe.
Breathe.
breathe.
Breathe.
breathe.
Breathe.
keep going.
Almost in.
Ok, keep going.
Almost in.
Ok, keep going.
Almost in.
Ok, lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
on 3.
One, 2 on 3.
One, 2 on 3.
One, 2 breathe.
breathe.
breathe.
aah! aah! aah! somebody's not lifting.
somebody's not lifting.
somebody's not lifting.
That's not fair.
That's not fair.
That's not fair.
the baby's coming.
the baby's coming.
the baby's coming.
listen up.
Listen up.
This is listen up.
Listen up.
This is listen up.
Listen up.
This is not gonna fit.
This cake is not Not gonna fit.
This cake is not Not gonna fit.
This cake is not going in this.
Going in this.
Going in this.
what? what? what? the hospital's only 25 the hospital's only 25 the hospital's only 25 blocks, southeast.
Blocks, southeast.
Blocks, southeast.
we can do this.
we can do this.
we can do this.
no.
no.
no.
block off some streets.
block off some streets.
block off some streets.
listen to me, all right? I listen to me, all right? I listen to me, all right? I want you to take your vagina and Want you to take your vagina and Want you to take your vagina and I want you to do this.
I want you to do this.
I want you to do this.
With your vagina.
With your vagina.
With your vagina.
fuck you! Waaahh! fuck you! Waaahh! fuck you! Waaahh! which way? which way? which way? former avenue.
Former avenue.
former avenue.
Former avenue.
former avenue.
Former avenue.
Is there a hospital that is Is there a hospital that is Is there a hospital that is downhill? Oh, fuck.
help! Help! Help! help! Help! Help! help! Help! Help! Help! Over! Over! Over! Help! Over! Over! Over! Help! Over! Over! Over! [siren, horn honks.]
[siren, horn honks.]
[siren, horn honks.]
aah! Hurry! I can't-- aah! Hurry! I can't-- aah! Hurry! I can't-- breathe! breathe! breathe! nothing to see here.
nothing to see here.
nothing to see here.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Come on, nothing to see here.
Come on, nothing to see here.
Come on, nothing to see here.
Nothing to see here.
18 more Nothing to see here.
18 more Nothing to see here.
18 more blocks to go.
Only 18 more Blocks to go.
Only 18 more Blocks to go.
Only 18 more blocks.
Just hold that little Blocks.
Just hold that little Blocks.
Just hold that little sucker in there.
Sucker in there.
Sucker in there.
aah! aah! aah! Mother fucking cock sucker! Mother fucking cock sucker! Mother fucking cock sucker! nothing to see here.
nothing to see here.
nothing to see here.
breathe! breathe! breathe! go back.
We got a wrong turn.
go back.
We got a wrong turn.
go back.
We got a wrong turn.
double back, everybody.
double back, everybody.
double back, everybody.
Double back.
Double back.
Double back.
what holiday is it? what holiday is it? what holiday is it? I can't hold it.
[bagpipes play.]
[bagpipes play.]
[bagpipes play.]
sorry.
well, first we'd like to well, first we'd like to well, first we'd like to share our flame with you.
Share our flame with you.
Share our flame with you.
oh, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I'm oh, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I'm oh, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
There's oxygen Sorry.
There's oxygen Sorry.
There's oxygen everywhere.
That's absolutely Everywhere.
That's absolutely Everywhere.
That's absolutely not allowed.
I'm sorry.
Not allowed.
I'm sorry.
Not allowed.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
ok, everybody mime it.
Mime ok, everybody mime it.
Mime ok, everybody mime it.
Mime the flaming circle.
The flaming circle.
The flaming circle.
pretend it.
do you have to pretend do you have to pretend do you have to pretend there's wind in here, too? There's wind in here, too? There's wind in here, too? there's a tape player? there's a tape player? there's a tape player? there was a tape player at there was a tape player at there was a tape player at the hall.
The hall.
The hall.
is there a tape player? is there a tape player? is there a tape player? no.
no.
no.
at the nurse's station? at the nurse's station? at the nurse's station? a boom box or a ghetto a boom box or a ghetto a boom box or a ghetto blaster? Blaster? Blaster? no.
I'm sorry.
no.
I'm sorry.
no.
I'm sorry.
[harmonica note.]
[harmonica note.]
[harmonica note.]
ââ¢Âª mm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª mm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª mm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª someone to hold you ââ¢Âª someone to hold you ââ¢Âª someone to hold you too close, Too close, Too close, up here with me, james, Up here with me, james, Up here with me, james, someone to hurt you Someone to hurt you Someone to hurt you too deep ââ¢Âª Too deep ââ¢Âª Too deep ââ¢Âª dangle: I'm flat.
I'm sorry.
Dangle: I'm flat.
I'm sorry.
Dangle: I'm flat.
I'm sorry.
ââ¢Âª being alive, ââ¢Âª being alive, ââ¢Âª being alive, being alive, Being alive, Being alive, being alive, Being alive, Being alive, being alive ââ¢Âª Being alive ââ¢Âª Being alive ââ¢Âª dangle: ââ¢Âª come on ââ¢Âª Dangle: ââ¢Âª come on ââ¢Âª Dangle: ââ¢Âª come on ââ¢Âª I can't hold it that long.
I can't hold it that long.
I can't hold it that long.
wow.
wow.
wow.
it would've been better with it would've been better with it would've been better with the tape.
Yeah.
The tape.
Yeah.
The tape.
Yeah.
That's why we have the tape.
That's why we have the tape.
That's why we have the tape.
I was flat.
I was flat.
I was flat.
I was flat.
I was flat.
I was flat.
no.
No.
I was flat.
no.
No.
I was flat.
no.
No.
I was flat.
Both: I was flat.
Both: I was flat.
Both: I was flat.
you were both a little flat.
you were both a little flat.
you were both a little flat.
ok.
if anyone here objects to if anyone here objects to if anyone here objects to this same sex partnership union, This same sex partnership union, This same sex partnership union, you may speak now or forever You may speak now or forever You may speak now or forever hold your peace.
Hold your peace.
Hold your peace.
object--she doesn't mean, you object--she doesn't mean, you object--she doesn't mean, you know, ok? Not a theoretical.
Know, ok? Not a theoretical.
Know, ok? Not a theoretical.
We're not taking theoreticals.
We're not taking theoreticals.
We're not taking theoreticals.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
your love that started out as your love that started out as your love that started out as a burning ember has now-- A burning ember has now-- A burning ember has now-- [footsteps approach.]
[footsteps approach.]
[footsteps approach.]
hold! Hold! Hold! hold! Hold! Hold! hold! Hold! Hold! Uh, I, uh Uh, I, uh Uh, I, uh I got something to say.
I got something to say.
I got something to say.
Far too long the lord has been Far too long the lord has been Far too long the lord has been playing 3-card monte with my Playing 3-card monte with my Playing 3-card monte with my soul--my soul mate.
Soul--my soul mate.
Soul--my soul mate.
I've been looking high and far I've been looking high and far I've been looking high and far for the person I wanna share my For the person I wanna share my For the person I wanna share my life with and goddamn I thought Life with and goddamn I thought Life with and goddamn I thought it would come in the shape and It would come in the shape and It would come in the shape and form of a woman.
But lately, I-- Form of a woman.
But lately, I-- Form of a woman.
But lately, I-- I've addressed feelings that I've addressed feelings that I've addressed feelings that I've had for a man.
Feelings I've had for a man.
Feelings I've had for a man.
Feelings that are strong and rock my That are strong and rock my That are strong and rock my foundation.
And this is a man Foundation.
And this is a man Foundation.
And this is a man that I've always admired his That I've always admired his That I've always admired his leadership, and I've always Leadership, and I've always Leadership, and I've always secretly laughed at his jokes Secretly laughed at his jokes Secretly laughed at his jokes inside and, uh, I never wanted Inside and, uh, I never wanted Inside and, uh, I never wanted to show it until today and To show it until today and To show it until today and All I know is what my father All I know is what my father All I know is what my father told me.
Told me.
Told me.
When love asks you to dance, When love asks you to dance, When love asks you to dance, you take it by the hand, and you You take it by the hand, and you You take it by the hand, and you head to the floor.
Head to the floor.
Head to the floor.
I love you as a friend, ok, I love you as a friend, ok, I love you as a friend, ok, but you're so not my type.
I'm But you're so not my type.
I'm But you're so not my type.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Sorry.
I'm really sorry.
shut up, jim.
shut up, jim.
shut up, jim.
oh! oh! oh! oh, god.
oh, god.
oh, god.
avert your eyes.
avert your eyes.
avert your eyes.
leslie, will you dance with leslie, will you dance with leslie, will you dance with me? Me? Me? until the last dance until the last dance until the last dance In heaven.
In heaven.
In heaven.
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
Oh! what the fuck was that? what the fuck was that? what the fuck was that? jim, I have something to tell jim, I have something to tell jim, I have something to tell you.
You.
You.
I know who the father is.
I know who the father is.
I know who the father is.
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Captioning institute Captioning institute
Real special treat for you.
Real special treat for you.
[music playing.]
wait, wait! Stop.
Stop! wait, wait! Stop.
Stop! wait, wait! Stop.
Stop! [music stops.]
[music stops.]
[music stops.]
leslie?! leslie?! leslie?! james, youAre my light.
james, youAre my light.
james, youAre my light.
And I need to ask you something.
And I need to ask you something.
And I need to ask you something.
Will you please make me the Will you please make me the Will you please make me the happiest man in the world? Happiest man in the world? Happiest man in the world? oh, my god! Fuck! oh, my god! Fuck! oh, my god! Fuck! Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Jesus christ help him! Jesus christ help him! Jesus christ help him! it's all right.
it's all right.
it's all right.
are you all right? are you all right? are you all right? yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Fine.
Fine.
he's ok.
he's ok.
he's ok.
he's all right, everybody.
he's all right, everybody.
he's all right, everybody.
will you be my life partner? will you be my life partner? will you be my life partner? aah! aah! aah! say yes.
say yes.
say yes.
yes! Yes! OhMmm.
Mmm.
yes! Yes! OhMmm.
Mmm.
yes! Yes! OhMmm.
Mmm.
[light applause.]
[light applause.]
[light applause.]
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you, too.
I love you, too.
I love you, too.
hey! hey! hey! aah! aah! aah! All: Hey! Who did that? All: Hey! Who did that? All: Hey! Who did that? it was that little fucking it was that little fucking it was that little fucking mexican kid! she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a trick! hyah! I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
whoa! whoa! whoa! oh! Oh! [blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by the belt.
get back in the building! get back in the building! get back in the building! No loitering! aah! aah! aah! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
mtv networks.]
Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah! Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah! Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah! [game announcer droning on [game announcer droning on [game announcer droning on radio.]
Radio.]
Radio.]
dangle: Ok, let's do a fight Dangle: Ok, let's do a fight Dangle: Ok, let's do a fight line.
Line.
Line.
fight line.
fight line.
fight line.
Dangle: Make a fight line.
Dangle: Make a fight line.
Dangle: Make a fight line.
Remember? Like we talked about.
Remember? Like we talked about.
Remember? Like we talked about.
Look alive! Look alive! Look alive! Look alive! Look alive! Look alive! Williams: Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Williams: Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Williams: Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Announcer: You could cut the Announcer: You could cut the Announcer: You could cut the tension here tonight with a Tension here tonight with a Tension here tonight with a knife.
Knife.
Knife.
Dangle: Tighten up your metal! Dangle: Tighten up your metal! Dangle: Tighten up your metal! Tighten up your metal! Tighten up your metal! Tighten up your metal! Announcer: And I gotta tell Announcer: And I gotta tell Announcer: And I gotta tell you, the last time they won, You, the last time they won, You, the last time they won, they ripped this town apart.
They ripped this town apart.
They ripped this town apart.
Hoo, there was rioting, cars set Hoo, there was rioting, cars set Hoo, there was rioting, cars set on fire, dozens of law On fire, dozens of law On fire, dozens of law enforcement officers injured and Enforcement officers injured and Enforcement officers injured and hospitalized, and, of course, Hospitalized, and, of course, Hospitalized, and, of course, raping sprees.
And here we go, Raping sprees.
And here we go, Raping sprees.
And here we go, coming out of the time out.
Here Coming out of the time out.
Here Coming out of the time out.
Here it is.
20 seconds on the clock.
It is.
20 seconds on the clock.
It is.
20 seconds on the clock.
And it's the wolf pack up by 2.
And it's the wolf pack up by 2.
And it's the wolf pack up by 2.
Dangle: Shock and awe, people.
Dangle: Shock and awe, people.
Dangle: Shock and awe, people.
Shock and awe.
Shock and awe.
Shock and awe.
[officers grunting.]
[officers grunting.]
[officers grunting.]
announcer: 6 seconds left.
Announcer: 6 seconds left.
Announcer: 6 seconds left.
Valdez left, he tries for the Valdez left, he tries for the Valdez left, he tries for the steal.
2 seconds left.
Hoffman Steal.
2 seconds left.
Hoffman Steal.
2 seconds left.
Hoffman shoots.
Livingston tries to Shoots.
Livingston tries to Shoots.
Livingston tries to block! It's good! Block! It's good! Block! It's good! All: Oh! All: Oh! All: Oh! Announcer: The poor wolf pack, Announcer: The poor wolf pack, Announcer: The poor wolf pack, they can't do it.
They lose They can't do it.
They lose They can't do it.
They lose it It It oh, thank god reno sucks.
oh, thank god reno sucks.
oh, thank god reno sucks.
Dangle: Thank god we suck.
Dangle: Thank god we suck.
Dangle: Thank god we suck.
ââ¢Âª sacramento's number one ââ¢Âª Williams: Here we ghola, Williams: Here we ghola, Williams: Here we ghola, senior.
Nice.
Senior.
Nice.
Senior.
Nice.
Man: Crap! Man: Crap! Man: Crap! ok ok ok crap.
You guys! I'm so glad crap.
You guys! I'm so glad crap.
You guys! I'm so glad you're here.
You're here.
You're here.
what's up? what's up? what's up? somebody stole all of the somebody stole all of the somebody stole all of the mild salsa.
Mild salsa.
Mild salsa.
that's why you called us out that's why you called us out that's why you called us out here? Here? Here? yes.
It's usually on the yes.
It's usually on the yes.
It's usually on the counter next to the hot.
You Counter next to the hot.
You Counter next to the hot.
You know, it goes mild and then hot? Know, it goes mild and then hot? Know, it goes mild and then hot? right.
right.
right.
and it was gone.
The mild is and it was gone.
The mild is and it was gone.
The mild is gone.
Wait.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Your Gone.
Wait.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Your Gone.
Wait.
Hold on.
Sorry.
Your order's up.
Oh, jeez.
Here we Order's up.
Oh, jeez.
Here we Order's up.
Oh, jeez.
Here we go.
Ow! Ouch! Go.
Ow! Ouch! Go.
Ow! Ouch! you know, terry.
you know, terry.
you know, terry.
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
terry.
terry.
terry.
what? what? what? you bring that on yourself, you bring that on yourself, you bring that on yourself, all right? All right? All right? what do you mean? what do you mean? what do you mean? no one told you you had to no one told you you had to no one told you you had to wear those skates.
Wear those skates.
Wear those skates.
or those shorts.
or those shorts.
or those shorts.
they probably prefer that you they probably prefer that you they probably prefer that you don't wear the skates.
Don't wear the skates.
Don't wear the skates.
why? why? why? why? why? why? these skates-- these skates-- these skates-- um, I don't know.
um, I don't know.
um, I don't know.
these skates were given to me these skates were given to me these skates were given to me by my great, great grandmother.
By my great, great grandmother.
By my great, great grandmother.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
she was from china.
she was from china.
she was from china.
I know what this is about.
I I know what this is about.
I I know what this is about.
I know what this is about.
Know what this is about.
Know what this is about.
what is it about? what is it about? what is it about? what is it about? what is it about? what is it about? terryYou are an attention terryYou are an attention terryYou are an attention whore.
Whore.
Whore.
what does that mean? what does that mean? what does that mean? what does it mean? what does it mean? what does it mean? what doesn't it mean, terry? what doesn't it mean, terry? what doesn't it mean, terry? I don't think I am.
I don't think I am.
I don't think I am.
you don't? you don't? you don't? here's your food.
See, here's your food.
See, here's your food.
See, I got it.
Oh! Ouch.
[easy music playing.]
[easy music playing.]
[easy music playing.]
I feel very braveheart.
I feel very braveheart.
I feel very braveheart.
Don't you guys? Don't you guys? Don't you guys? [knock knock knock.]
[knock knock knock.]
[knock knock knock.]
I feel like a very good I feel like a very good I feel like a very good combination braveheart and Combination braveheart and Combination braveheart and debbie does dallain the best Debbie does dallain the best Debbie does dallain the best way.
Way.
Way.
Garcia: Hey, dangle Garcia: Hey, dangle Garcia: Hey, dangle it couldn't be more macho to it couldn't be more macho to it couldn't be more macho to wear a kilt.
Wear a kilt.
Wear a kilt.
he got fucking killed in the he got fucking killed in the he got fucking killed in the end of that movie, didn't he? End of that movie, didn't he? End of that movie, didn't he? hell.
Hell, look at.
I feel hell.
Hell, look at.
I feel hell.
Hell, look at.
I feel like a fucking lawn jockey.
Like a fucking lawn jockey.
Like a fucking lawn jockey.
you look wonderful.
What sort you look wonderful.
What sort you look wonderful.
What sort of a lawn jockey would dress Of a lawn jockey would dress Of a lawn jockey would dress like that? A highland warrior Like that? A highland warrior Like that? A highland warrior jockey.
It's perfect.
You look Jockey.
It's perfect.
You look Jockey.
It's perfect.
You look perfect for a gay Perfect for a gay Perfect for a gay commitment ceremony.
Commitment ceremony.
Commitment ceremony.
yeah, I look like a gay yeah, I look like a gay yeah, I look like a gay leprechaun, if that's what you Leprechaun, if that's what you Leprechaun, if that's what you mean.
Mean.
Mean.
leprechauns don't wear kilts.
leprechauns don't wear kilts.
leprechauns don't wear kilts.
well, whatever.
It's just well, whatever.
It's just well, whatever.
It's just foolish.
I mean-- Foolish.
I mean-- Foolish.
I mean-- and I don't appreciate the and I don't appreciate the and I don't appreciate the gay aspect of that.
Gay aspect of that.
Gay aspect of that.
well, I don't appreciate you well, I don't appreciate you well, I don't appreciate you trying to make us dress like Trying to make us dress like Trying to make us dress like fools.
I mean, why couldn't we Fools.
I mean, why couldn't we Fools.
I mean, why couldn't we just wear our formals? Just wear our formals? Just wear our formals? this is formal! What about this is formal! What about this is formal! What about this is informal?! This is informal?! This is informal?! it's stupid.
it's stupid.
it's stupid.
it's a skirt.
it's a skirt.
it's a skirt.
it's not a skirt! It's a it's not a skirt! It's a it's not a skirt! It's a kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt! Kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt! Kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt! Jones: What about the purse, Jones: What about the purse, Jones: What about the purse, though? The purse is-- Though? The purse is-- Though? The purse is-- sporran! It's a sporran! sporran! It's a sporran! sporran! It's a sporran! we look like women, dangle.
I we look like women, dangle.
I we look like women, dangle.
I think you're trying to recruit-- Think you're trying to recruit-- Think you're trying to recruit-- we look like highland we look like highland we look like highland warriors! Warriors! Warriors! I think you're trying to I think you're trying to I think you're trying to recruit us is what you're trying Recruit us is what you're trying Recruit us is what you're trying to do.
It's bad enough-- To do.
It's bad enough-- To do.
It's bad enough-- what?! Say it again.
what?! Say it again.
what?! Say it again.
What'd you just say?! What did What'd you just say?! What did What'd you just say?! What did you just say?! You just say?! You just say?! I said fag ceremony.
I said fag ceremony.
I said fag ceremony.
come on! Come on! come on! Come on! come on! Come on! let go! let go! let go! say it again.
say it again.
say it again.
Junior: Garcia Junior: Garcia Junior: Garcia Dangle: Say it again.
Say it Dangle: Say it again.
Say it Dangle: Say it again.
Say it again.
Again.
Again.
garciaJames, you look garciaJames, you look garciaJames, you look gayer when you're wrestling.
Gayer when you're wrestling.
Gayer when you're wrestling.
Dangle: Unh! Say it again.
Dangle: Unh! Say it again.
Dangle: Unh! Say it again.
Garcia: I'm not going.
Garcia: I'm not going.
Garcia: I'm not going.
Dangle: Get him off.
Dangle: Get him off.
Dangle: Get him off.
I hope you have a happy week I hope you have a happy week I hope you have a happy week together.
Bullshit.
Together.
Bullshit.
Together.
Bullshit.
what do the bridesmaids wear what do the bridesmaids wear what do the bridesmaids wear if we're wearing skirts? If we're wearing skirts? If we're wearing skirts? you are the bridesmaids.
Wiegel: Sheriff's department.
Wiegel: Sheriff's department.
Wiegel: Sheriff's department.
Kimball: I've got a report about Kimball: I've got a report about Kimball: I've got a report about a stolen car.
A stolen car.
A stolen car.
Man: Her majesty's guard.
Man: Her majesty's guard.
Man: Her majesty's guard.
Woman: Her majesty's guard! What Woman: Her majesty's guard! What Woman: Her majesty's guard! What news does thou bringeth from her News does thou bringeth from her News does thou bringeth from her majesty the queen? Majesty the queen? Majesty the queen? well, I'll tell you.
We are well, I'll tell you.
We are well, I'll tell you.
We are looking for--apparently there Looking for--apparently there Looking for--apparently there was a report of a stolen car, Was a report of a stolen car, Was a report of a stolen car, and someone called it in, and we And someone called it in, and we And someone called it in, and we were wondering if somebody saw Were wondering if somebody saw Were wondering if somebody saw something.
Something.
Something.
aye.
Aye.
Aye.
We did just aye.
Aye.
Aye.
We did just aye.
Aye.
Aye.
We did just this morrow see a rapscallion This morrow see a rapscallion This morrow see a rapscallion abscond with a horseless Abscond with a horseless Abscond with a horseless carriage not 2 leagues hence.
Carriage not 2 leagues hence.
Carriage not 2 leagues hence.
aye, this be a brutal act of aye, this be a brutal act of aye, this be a brutal act of skullduggery.
Thank goodness Skullduggery.
Thank goodness Skullduggery.
Thank goodness thou hast been called upon to Thou hast been called upon to Thou hast been called upon to save-- Save-- Save-- kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench.
Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench.
Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench.
Quiet down for a second.
Quiet down for a second.
Quiet down for a second.
when the car was stolen, what when the car was stolen, what when the car was stolen, what did it look like? Who was Did it look like? Who was Did it look like? Who was driving it? Driving it? Driving it? we did see a tall, moorish we did see a tall, moorish we did see a tall, moorish a tawny moor.
a tawny moor.
a tawny moor.
Tawny Tawny Tawny Kimball: A tawny moor? Kimball: A tawny moor? Kimball: A tawny moor? Man: A tawny moor.
16 stone, Man: A tawny moor.
16 stone, Man: A tawny moor.
16 stone, Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black guy.
Guy.
Guy.
aye! Black guy! Sir black guy aye! Black guy! Sir black guy aye! Black guy! Sir black guy did come hither and-- Did come hither and-- Did come hither and-- moor.
Moor.
Moor.
Tawny moor.
moor.
Moor.
Moor.
Tawny moor.
moor.
Moor.
Moor.
Tawny moor.
a moor.
Sir moor did come a moor.
Sir moor did come a moor.
Sir moor did come and abscond with the and abscond with the and abscond with the horseless carriage 2 leagues Horseless carriage 2 leagues Horseless carriage 2 leagues hence.
Hence.
Hence.
Wiegel: And how tall was he, Wiegel: And how tall was he, Wiegel: And how tall was he, do you know? Do you know? Do you know? 13 hand.
13 hand.
13 hand.
13 hand? How 'bout in 13 hand? How 'bout in 13 hand? How 'bout in english? How many5 English? How many5 English? How many5 About 5'6".
About 5'6".
About 5'6".
well, you know what? That's well, you know what? That's well, you know what? That's taller.
He's giving you-- Taller.
He's giving you-- Taller.
He's giving you-- ok.
Now, do you know the make ok.
Now, do you know the make ok.
Now, do you know the make of the car.
It would be very Of the car.
It would be very Of the car.
It would be very helpful.
Helpful.
Helpful.
t'was from a faraway land.
t'was from a faraway land.
t'was from a faraway land.
in english! The make of the in english! The make of the in english! The make of the car was a Car was a Car was a faraway faraway faraway a ford? a ford? a ford? it was a mitsubishi gallant.
it was a mitsubishi gallant.
it was a mitsubishi gallant.
a mitsubishi gallant! Thank a mitsubishi gallant! Thank a mitsubishi gallant! Thank you.
You.
You.
rachel, we're gonna have a rachel, we're gonna have a rachel, we're gonna have a problem.
Some of us are taking Problem.
Some of us are taking Problem.
Some of us are taking this job seriously.
This job seriously.
This job seriously.
good day.
good day.
good day.
good day! good day! good day! god save the queen! god save the queen! god save the queen! Man: You are a wacko! Man: You are a wacko! Man: You are a wacko! what the fuck is your what the fuck is your what the fuck is your problem?! Problem?! Problem?! [siren.]
this whole dangle/leslie this whole dangle/leslie this whole dangle/leslie commitment ceremony thing is Commitment ceremony thing is Commitment ceremony thing is really getting under my skin.
Really getting under my skin.
Really getting under my skin.
II have, you know, a past II have, you know, a past II have, you know, a past with jim, and I assume that With jim, and I assume that With jim, and I assume that what's happening here is I've What's happening here is I've What's happening here is I've gotten knocked up.
Clearly, I'm Gotten knocked up.
Clearly, I'm Gotten knocked up.
Clearly, I'm taken, in a way, and he suddenly Taken, in a way, and he suddenly Taken, in a way, and he suddenly has to pretend like he's gay.
Has to pretend like he's gay.
Has to pretend like he's gay.
I'm happy for him.
Actually, I'm happy for him.
Actually, I'm happy for him.
Actually, I'm very happy for him.
If it I'm very happy for him.
If it I'm very happy for him.
If it makes him happier, I'm happy for Makes him happier, I'm happy for Makes him happier, I'm happy for him.
Him.
Him.
I'm happy for him.
I'm sad I'm happy for him.
I'm sad I'm happy for him.
I'm sad for leslie, though.
He could do For leslie, though.
He could do For leslie, though.
He could do better.
ââ¢Âª hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ââ¢Âª how's my sporran look, joe? How's my sporran look, joe? How's my sporran look, joe? looks great.
looks great.
looks great.
[knock on door.]
[knock on door.]
[knock on door.]
surprise! surprise! surprise! [dance music playing.]
Jim.
Jim.
Jim.
hi, trudy.
hi, trudy.
hi, trudy.
I was gonna get out and do I was gonna get out and do I was gonna get out and do a-- A-- A-- yeah, uh yeah, uh yeah, uh hold on.
I have a dance.
Hold hold on.
I have a dance.
Hold hold on.
I have a dance.
Hold on.
This isn't-- On.
This isn't-- On.
This isn't-- oh, god.
oh, god.
oh, god.
I had envisioned this so much I had envisioned this so much I had envisioned this so much sexier.
ungh! ungh! ungh! hold on, jim.
That's the best hold on, jim.
That's the best hold on, jim.
That's the best part.
I did a sexy robot.
Part.
I did a sexy robot.
Part.
I did a sexy robot.
[jim vomits, toilet flushes.]
[jim vomits, toilet flushes.]
[jim vomits, toilet flushes.]
really.
really.
really.
oh, you look beautiful.
oh, you look beautiful.
oh, you look beautiful.
I do? I do? I do? yeah, you look so beautiful.
yeah, you look so beautiful.
yeah, you look so beautiful.
thanks, jim.
thanks, jim.
thanks, jim.
let's get you out of here let's get you out of here let's get you out of here now.
Now.
Now.
I thought, you know, you and I thought, you know, you and I thought, you know, you and I might have one last chance I might have one last chance I might have one last chance 'cause, you know, you're gonna 'cause, you know, you're gonna 'cause, you know, you're gonna tie the knot.
Tie the knot.
Tie the knot.
yup.
yup.
yup.
it's not too late.
it's not too late.
it's not too late.
ha ha! Yeah, it is.
ha ha! Yeah, it is.
ha ha! Yeah, it is.
if you can get me out of this if you can get me out of this if you can get me out of this thing.
Thing.
Thing.
oh.
Ah.
You're really stuck, oh.
Ah.
You're really stuck, oh.
Ah.
You're really stuck, huh? Huh? Huh? yeah, I really am.
I think yeah, I really am.
I think yeah, I really am.
I think these are not made for pregnant These are not made for pregnant These are not made for pregnant women.
Jim, I'm caught.
I'm Women.
Jim, I'm caught.
I'm Women.
Jim, I'm caught.
I'm really caught.
Really caught.
Really caught.
[jim groans loudly.]
[jim groans loudly.]
[jim groans loudly.]
I'm gonna--suck it in.
Suck I'm gonna--suck it in.
Suck I'm gonna--suck it in.
Suck in for a second.
In for a second.
In for a second.
there's no sucking in when-- there's no sucking in when-- there's no sucking in when-- suck in! Suck in! Still, suck suck in! Suck in! Still, suck suck in! Suck in! Still, suck in for a second! Ya! In for a second! Ya! In for a second! Ya! I'm not moving at all.
Oh, I'm not moving at all.
Oh, I'm not moving at all.
Oh, no! I ruined everything.
No! I ruined everything.
No! I ruined everything.
no, you didn't ruin no, you didn't ruin no, you didn't ruin everything.
You didn't ruin Everything.
You didn't ruin Everything.
You didn't ruin everything.
You're just naked Everything.
You're just naked Everything.
You're just naked and stuck.
And stuck.
And stuck.
yeah.
And lactating.
yeah.
And lactating.
yeah.
And lactating.
[jim vomits.]
[jim vomits.]
[jim vomits.]
are you ok? I'm worried about are you ok? I'm worried about are you ok? I'm worried about you.
It's probably just nerves, You.
It's probably just nerves, You.
It's probably just nerves, jim.
It happens.
hey, brisbee.
hey, brisbee.
hey, brisbee.
brisbee! Well, the end times brisbee! Well, the end times brisbee! Well, the end times are near.
The truths of Are near.
The truths of Are near.
The truths of revelations have manifested Revelations have manifested Revelations have manifested themselves.
Themselves.
Themselves.
the day has come? the day has come? the day has come? mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
Williams: It's happening.
Williams: It's happening.
Williams: It's happening.
the jews? the jews? the jews? the jews have taken over.
the jews have taken over.
the jews have taken over.
and now we gotta come around, and now we gotta come around, and now we gotta come around, and give every head of household And give every head of household And give every head of household the mark.
The mark.
The mark.
the mark of the beast.
the mark of the beast.
the mark of the beast.
oh, what are they gonna do? oh, what are they gonna do? oh, what are they gonna do? Are they gonna come take my Are they gonna come take my Are they gonna come take my home? Home? Home? yes.
yes.
yes.
they gonna come, take my they gonna come, take my they gonna come, take my land? Land? Land? yes.
yes.
yes.
they gonna come, take my they gonna come, take my they gonna come, take my babies? Babies? Babies? yes.
yes.
yes.
yes.
Yes to all of those.
yes.
Yes to all of those.
yes.
Yes to all of those.
what, are they gonna make 'em what, are they gonna make 'em what, are they gonna make 'em the jew-bees? The jew-bees? The jew-bees? yes.
yes.
yes.
yes.
Some of the ones who yes.
Some of the ones who yes.
Some of the ones who have a little somethin' going Have a little somethin' going Have a little somethin' going on upstairs are taking for new On upstairs are taking for new On upstairs are taking for new ground.
Mexico.
That's what I Ground.
Mexico.
That's what I Ground.
Mexico.
That's what I heard.
Heard.
Heard.
where is it? where is it? where is it? it's south.
Leave under the it's south.
Leave under the it's south.
Leave under the cover of darkness, sleep during Cover of darkness, sleep during Cover of darkness, sleep during the day.
Take to the trees and The day.
Take to the trees and The day.
Take to the trees and the riverbeds.
You'll be safe.
The riverbeds.
You'll be safe.
The riverbeds.
You'll be safe.
kids! kids! kids! the mayor's son owns all this the mayor's son owns all this the mayor's son owns all this property, and wants them off.
Property, and wants them off.
Property, and wants them off.
Ok, they been squattin' just a Ok, they been squattin' just a Ok, they been squattin' just a little bit too long.
Little bit too long.
Little bit too long.
dear jesus, we know you dear jesus, we know you dear jesus, we know you really weren't jewish.
grab around here.
I'm very grab around here.
I'm very grab around here.
I'm very sweaty under my boobs, so I'm Sweaty under my boobs, so I'm Sweaty under my boobs, so I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
ok, we're gonna corkscrew ok, we're gonna corkscrew ok, we're gonna corkscrew towards you.
towards you.
towards you.
towards me.
towards me.
towards me.
lefty loosie.
lefty loosie.
lefty loosie.
lefty loosie.
You ready? Aah! lefty loosie.
You ready? Aah! lefty loosie.
You ready? Aah! this can't be great for the this can't be great for the this can't be great for the baby.
Baby.
Baby.
I don't think it's a good I don't think it's a good I don't think it's a good idea.
Idea.
Idea.
ok.
Ok.
Ok.
All right, what ok.
Ok.
Ok.
All right, what ok.
Ok.
Ok.
All right, what if we get some soap? If we get some soap? If we get some soap? soap! soap! soap! Williams: Trudy? What did you Williams: Trudy? What did you Williams: Trudy? What did you do? What did you do? Do? What did you do? Do? What did you do? the whole thing I was gonna the whole thing I was gonna the whole thing I was gonna do.
I was doing--I was the sexy Do.
I was doing--I was the sexy Do.
I was doing--I was the sexy robot, and then I had a ping Robot, and then I had a ping Robot, and then I had a ping pong ball that was gonna come Pong ball that was gonna come Pong ball that was gonna come out of my vagina, and now my Out of my vagina, and now my Out of my vagina, and now my edible panties-- Edible panties-- Edible panties-- ok.
Ok.
All right.
ok.
Ok.
All right.
ok.
Ok.
All right.
let's just get her out.
let's just get her out.
let's just get her out.
well, I got a bunch of lube well, I got a bunch of lube well, I got a bunch of lube in my car.
In my car.
In my car.
Junior: Go get it.
Junior: Go get it.
Junior: Go get it.
Dangle: Go get it.
Dangle: Go get it.
Dangle: Go get it.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
I don't want lube on my back.
well, we'll just put it on well, we'll just put it on well, we'll just put it on your-- Your-- Your-- junior: We'll lube the cake! Junior: We'll lube the cake! Junior: We'll lube the cake! lube washes off your back! lube washes off your back! lube washes off your back! Lube washes off your back! Trust Lube washes off your back! Trust Lube washes off your back! Trust me.
Me.
Me.
ok.
Just, my baby's gonna be ok.
Just, my baby's gonna be ok.
Just, my baby's gonna be traumatized enough as it is.
Traumatized enough as it is.
Traumatized enough as it is.
he's not gonna know that you he's not gonna know that you he's not gonna know that you were in a cake full of lube.
Were in a cake full of lube.
Were in a cake full of lube.
and up! and up! and up! maybe we should call the fire maybe we should call the fire maybe we should call the fire department.
Department.
Department.
not from her head.
not from her head.
not from her head.
I'm not going to.
I'm not going to.
I'm not going to.
go! go! go! anybody? Anything? anybody? Anything? anybody? Anything? her backs really sweaty in her backs really sweaty in her backs really sweaty in this cake.
It's got cake and This cake.
It's got cake and This cake.
It's got cake and sweat and icing.
Sweat and icing.
Sweat and icing.
oh, hey, guys.
oh, hey, guys.
oh, hey, guys.
how are ya? how are ya? how are ya? we got one of these here.
we got one of these here.
we got one of these here.
how's it going, guys? how's it going, guys? how's it going, guys? hey, well, congratulations.
hey, well, congratulations.
hey, well, congratulations.
oh, thanks very much.
Thanks.
oh, thanks very much.
Thanks.
oh, thanks very much.
Thanks.
and thanks for inviting us to and thanks for inviting us to and thanks for inviting us to the ceremony.
The ceremony.
The ceremony.
hey, look.
It's been crazy.
hey, look.
It's been crazy.
hey, look.
It's been crazy.
totally understand.
totally understand.
totally understand.
well, you had limited space.
well, you had limited space.
well, you had limited space.
limited seating.
I limited seating.
I limited seating.
I understand.
Understand.
Understand.
we did take some time to get we did take some time to get we did take some time to get you a little gift.
It's the You a little gift.
It's the You a little gift.
It's the sound plates.
Feel free to Sound plates.
Feel free to Sound plates.
Feel free to re-gift if you need to.
Re-gift if you need to.
Re-gift if you need to.
sound plates? sound plates? sound plates? saw it where you were saw it where you were saw it where you were registered.
Registered.
Registered.
I didn't even know he was I didn't even know he was I didn't even know he was registered.
Registered.
Registered.
princess di commemorative princess di commemorative princess di commemorative plates.
Plates.
Plates.
can you get me out of this can you get me out of this can you get me out of this fucking cake?! Fucking cake?! Fucking cake?! today is not about you! Today today is not about you! Today today is not about you! Today is not about you! Today is Is not about you! Today is Is not about you! Today is dangle's day.
Dangle's day.
Dangle's day.
don't upset her.
don't upset her.
don't upset her.
what about--I'm just gonna go what about--I'm just gonna go what about--I'm just gonna go in right here.
In right here.
In right here.
hold on.
Hold on! Hold on! hold on.
Hold on! Hold on! hold on.
Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Either my edible Hold on! Either my edible Hold on! Either my edible panties just disintegrated or Panties just disintegrated or Panties just disintegrated or my water just broke.
My water just broke.
My water just broke.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
there's a slimy ping pong there's a slimy ping pong there's a slimy ping pong ball.
Holy shit Ball.
Holy shit Ball.
Holy shit breath.
You're gonna be fine.
hey, enrique, this toy gun I hey, enrique, this toy gun I hey, enrique, this toy gun I got from the regular toy store Got from the regular toy store Got from the regular toy store looks so real.
I bet it could Looks so real.
I bet it could Looks so real.
I bet it could fool anybody.
Fool anybody.
Fool anybody.
you're exactly right.
I bet you're exactly right.
I bet you're exactly right.
I bet it would even fool a cop.
It would even fool a cop.
It would even fool a cop.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
hold it right there.
hold it right there.
hold it right there.
People, on behalf of law People, on behalf of law People, on behalf of law enforcement, we think it's real.
Enforcement, we think it's real.
Enforcement, we think it's real.
Trust me.
If people try to Trust me.
If people try to Trust me.
If people try to shoot at you on your job all day Shoot at you on your job all day Shoot at you on your job all day long, just about anything would Long, just about anything would Long, just about anything would start to look like a gun.
Start to look like a gun.
Start to look like a gun.
Staplers, a candy bar, even g.
I.
Staplers, a candy bar, even g.
I.
Staplers, a candy bar, even g.
I.
Joe's black brave friends, the Joe's black brave friends, the Joe's black brave friends, the tuskegee airmen.
Tuskegee airmen.
Tuskegee airmen.
so it sounds like when I see so it sounds like when I see so it sounds like when I see a police officer, I shouldn't A police officer, I shouldn't A police officer, I shouldn't point anything at him.
Point anything at him.
Point anything at him.
or maybe thank him or her for or maybe thank him or her for or maybe thank him or her for making our community safer.
Making our community safer.
Making our community safer.
but even better, don't look but even better, don't look but even better, don't look at us at all.
At us at all.
At us at all.
[all laugh.]
breathe.
Breathe.
breathe.
Breathe.
breathe.
Breathe.
keep going.
Almost in.
Ok, keep going.
Almost in.
Ok, keep going.
Almost in.
Ok, lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
Lift the legs.
on 3.
One, 2 on 3.
One, 2 on 3.
One, 2 breathe.
breathe.
breathe.
aah! aah! aah! somebody's not lifting.
somebody's not lifting.
somebody's not lifting.
That's not fair.
That's not fair.
That's not fair.
the baby's coming.
the baby's coming.
the baby's coming.
listen up.
Listen up.
This is listen up.
Listen up.
This is listen up.
Listen up.
This is not gonna fit.
This cake is not Not gonna fit.
This cake is not Not gonna fit.
This cake is not going in this.
Going in this.
Going in this.
what? what? what? the hospital's only 25 the hospital's only 25 the hospital's only 25 blocks, southeast.
Blocks, southeast.
Blocks, southeast.
we can do this.
we can do this.
we can do this.
no.
no.
no.
block off some streets.
block off some streets.
block off some streets.
listen to me, all right? I listen to me, all right? I listen to me, all right? I want you to take your vagina and Want you to take your vagina and Want you to take your vagina and I want you to do this.
I want you to do this.
I want you to do this.
With your vagina.
With your vagina.
With your vagina.
fuck you! Waaahh! fuck you! Waaahh! fuck you! Waaahh! which way? which way? which way? former avenue.
Former avenue.
former avenue.
Former avenue.
former avenue.
Former avenue.
Is there a hospital that is Is there a hospital that is Is there a hospital that is downhill? Oh, fuck.
help! Help! Help! help! Help! Help! help! Help! Help! Help! Over! Over! Over! Help! Over! Over! Over! Help! Over! Over! Over! [siren, horn honks.]
[siren, horn honks.]
[siren, horn honks.]
aah! Hurry! I can't-- aah! Hurry! I can't-- aah! Hurry! I can't-- breathe! breathe! breathe! nothing to see here.
nothing to see here.
nothing to see here.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Come on, nothing to see here.
Come on, nothing to see here.
Come on, nothing to see here.
Nothing to see here.
18 more Nothing to see here.
18 more Nothing to see here.
18 more blocks to go.
Only 18 more Blocks to go.
Only 18 more Blocks to go.
Only 18 more blocks.
Just hold that little Blocks.
Just hold that little Blocks.
Just hold that little sucker in there.
Sucker in there.
Sucker in there.
aah! aah! aah! Mother fucking cock sucker! Mother fucking cock sucker! Mother fucking cock sucker! nothing to see here.
nothing to see here.
nothing to see here.
breathe! breathe! breathe! go back.
We got a wrong turn.
go back.
We got a wrong turn.
go back.
We got a wrong turn.
double back, everybody.
double back, everybody.
double back, everybody.
Double back.
Double back.
Double back.
what holiday is it? what holiday is it? what holiday is it? I can't hold it.
[bagpipes play.]
[bagpipes play.]
[bagpipes play.]
sorry.
well, first we'd like to well, first we'd like to well, first we'd like to share our flame with you.
Share our flame with you.
Share our flame with you.
oh, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I'm oh, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I'm oh, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
There's oxygen Sorry.
There's oxygen Sorry.
There's oxygen everywhere.
That's absolutely Everywhere.
That's absolutely Everywhere.
That's absolutely not allowed.
I'm sorry.
Not allowed.
I'm sorry.
Not allowed.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
ok, everybody mime it.
Mime ok, everybody mime it.
Mime ok, everybody mime it.
Mime the flaming circle.
The flaming circle.
The flaming circle.
pretend it.
do you have to pretend do you have to pretend do you have to pretend there's wind in here, too? There's wind in here, too? There's wind in here, too? there's a tape player? there's a tape player? there's a tape player? there was a tape player at there was a tape player at there was a tape player at the hall.
The hall.
The hall.
is there a tape player? is there a tape player? is there a tape player? no.
no.
no.
at the nurse's station? at the nurse's station? at the nurse's station? a boom box or a ghetto a boom box or a ghetto a boom box or a ghetto blaster? Blaster? Blaster? no.
I'm sorry.
no.
I'm sorry.
no.
I'm sorry.
[harmonica note.]
[harmonica note.]
[harmonica note.]
ââ¢Âª mm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª mm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª mm ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª someone to hold you ââ¢Âª someone to hold you ââ¢Âª someone to hold you too close, Too close, Too close, up here with me, james, Up here with me, james, Up here with me, james, someone to hurt you Someone to hurt you Someone to hurt you too deep ââ¢Âª Too deep ââ¢Âª Too deep ââ¢Âª dangle: I'm flat.
I'm sorry.
Dangle: I'm flat.
I'm sorry.
Dangle: I'm flat.
I'm sorry.
ââ¢Âª being alive, ââ¢Âª being alive, ââ¢Âª being alive, being alive, Being alive, Being alive, being alive, Being alive, Being alive, being alive ââ¢Âª Being alive ââ¢Âª Being alive ââ¢Âª dangle: ââ¢Âª come on ââ¢Âª Dangle: ââ¢Âª come on ââ¢Âª Dangle: ââ¢Âª come on ââ¢Âª I can't hold it that long.
I can't hold it that long.
I can't hold it that long.
wow.
wow.
wow.
it would've been better with it would've been better with it would've been better with the tape.
Yeah.
The tape.
Yeah.
The tape.
Yeah.
That's why we have the tape.
That's why we have the tape.
That's why we have the tape.
I was flat.
I was flat.
I was flat.
I was flat.
I was flat.
I was flat.
no.
No.
I was flat.
no.
No.
I was flat.
no.
No.
I was flat.
Both: I was flat.
Both: I was flat.
Both: I was flat.
you were both a little flat.
you were both a little flat.
you were both a little flat.
ok.
if anyone here objects to if anyone here objects to if anyone here objects to this same sex partnership union, This same sex partnership union, This same sex partnership union, you may speak now or forever You may speak now or forever You may speak now or forever hold your peace.
Hold your peace.
Hold your peace.
object--she doesn't mean, you object--she doesn't mean, you object--she doesn't mean, you know, ok? Not a theoretical.
Know, ok? Not a theoretical.
Know, ok? Not a theoretical.
We're not taking theoreticals.
We're not taking theoreticals.
We're not taking theoreticals.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
your love that started out as your love that started out as your love that started out as a burning ember has now-- A burning ember has now-- A burning ember has now-- [footsteps approach.]
[footsteps approach.]
[footsteps approach.]
hold! Hold! Hold! hold! Hold! Hold! hold! Hold! Hold! Uh, I, uh Uh, I, uh Uh, I, uh I got something to say.
I got something to say.
I got something to say.
Far too long the lord has been Far too long the lord has been Far too long the lord has been playing 3-card monte with my Playing 3-card monte with my Playing 3-card monte with my soul--my soul mate.
Soul--my soul mate.
Soul--my soul mate.
I've been looking high and far I've been looking high and far I've been looking high and far for the person I wanna share my For the person I wanna share my For the person I wanna share my life with and goddamn I thought Life with and goddamn I thought Life with and goddamn I thought it would come in the shape and It would come in the shape and It would come in the shape and form of a woman.
But lately, I-- Form of a woman.
But lately, I-- Form of a woman.
But lately, I-- I've addressed feelings that I've addressed feelings that I've addressed feelings that I've had for a man.
Feelings I've had for a man.
Feelings I've had for a man.
Feelings that are strong and rock my That are strong and rock my That are strong and rock my foundation.
And this is a man Foundation.
And this is a man Foundation.
And this is a man that I've always admired his That I've always admired his That I've always admired his leadership, and I've always Leadership, and I've always Leadership, and I've always secretly laughed at his jokes Secretly laughed at his jokes Secretly laughed at his jokes inside and, uh, I never wanted Inside and, uh, I never wanted Inside and, uh, I never wanted to show it until today and To show it until today and To show it until today and All I know is what my father All I know is what my father All I know is what my father told me.
Told me.
Told me.
When love asks you to dance, When love asks you to dance, When love asks you to dance, you take it by the hand, and you You take it by the hand, and you You take it by the hand, and you head to the floor.
Head to the floor.
Head to the floor.
I love you as a friend, ok, I love you as a friend, ok, I love you as a friend, ok, but you're so not my type.
I'm But you're so not my type.
I'm But you're so not my type.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Sorry.
I'm really sorry.
shut up, jim.
shut up, jim.
shut up, jim.
oh! oh! oh! oh, god.
oh, god.
oh, god.
avert your eyes.
avert your eyes.
avert your eyes.
leslie, will you dance with leslie, will you dance with leslie, will you dance with me? Me? Me? until the last dance until the last dance until the last dance In heaven.
In heaven.
In heaven.
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
Oh! what the fuck was that? what the fuck was that? what the fuck was that? jim, I have something to tell jim, I have something to tell jim, I have something to tell you.
You.
You.
I know who the father is.
I know who the father is.
I know who the father is.
mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
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