Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s04e14 Episode Script
Sphinx
Ok, recording, and now.
Ok, recording, and now.
Space Ghost isn't home right now. Huh huh.
Is there something I can
help you with? Heh heh heh.
Is there something I can
help you with? Heh heh heh.
Ok, there you go.
It's not for Space Ghost, it's for me.
It's not for Space Ghost, it's for me.
Did you want I thought you no, I want one for me.
Zoltar isn't home right now.
Leave a message. Beep!
No.
Ok.
My name's Moltar.
Moltar.
Yea hand say some stuff about fire this time.
Moltar isn't home right now,
fire, fire, leave a message.
Wait, I wanted one with butt-head.
Another one?
Yeah.
Hey, do one for me!
Ok, who's it for?
Zorak.
Do him and me!
Me and him.
And make it funny this time.
Zorak isn't here,
Moltar isn't here, leave a message.
No. Make it funny!
Zo-zorak and noltar
Moltar.
Ahh, forget it.
No, no, no, no, no!
Get what's-his-name to do a message for you.
Sit down, you Gore belly rump dead
foot-licker! We're not done yet!
Greetings, all.
Space Ghost is my name,
and animated comedy-style
interview programs based in
outer space are my game.
Joining me tonight are craven,
fat-kidneyed flirt gill harland Williams,
and unmuscled, sheep-biting mold warp Mike judge.
Have you seen my tail?
Your what?
My tail. Some joker cut it off!
You don't have a tail.
I know, because some joker cut it off!
Calm down, zorak.
You calm down! Did you eat it?
Why would I eat your stupid tail?
I didn't even know you had one.
Moltar?
I didn't eat it. I don't even like tail.
Oh, wait, here it is.
It's not a tail after all.
Play me to the desk.
It's a wacky fun slippery slide!
Whoa!
Whoo-hoo!
Check this out! Whoooaaahh!
All right, put the wacky fun slippery slide away.
Whee-heee!
My knee!
Please welcome my first guest,
citizen harland Williams.
Greetings, harland.
Hello thereBilly.
My name is not wheeeeeee!
Billy.
Oh.
It's Space Ghost.
Ok, Billy. Gotcha.
Hey, hey don't call me Billy.
I do not care for the name Billy.
Space Ghost, you
You're a little, uh, rambunctious today.
You're a little, uh, rambunctious today.
How would you like it if I pulled down your pants
and spanked your bare bottom right
here in front of zorak, Moltar, and
everybody?
I'll say one word about that
naughty.
Naughty?
Naughty.
Naughty Space Ghost.
What do you mean?
There's naughty stuff goin'
on in your head. You probably
have, like, daydreams about
pomegranates Pomegranates.
Sea fleece Sea fleece.
Timber.
Chocolate chip cookie dough.
You like wood, don't you?
Well, sure I do.
Who doesn't like wood?
Cedar, mahogany, rustic pine.
Yes, wood is good food.
Naughty-y-y-y-y-y
What's the matter?
That's some wacky stuff.
Moltar?
All right, uh hang on.
Uh, is this on the same tape, or stop!
God bless you, o black-capped whitey legs.
Do you have varicose veins?
No, I don't.
You got big, puffy veins
Pulsing away like organ grinder
monkeys on cheese twists.
Pulsing away like organ grinder
monkeys on cheese twists.
Yeah, he's got legs like his greasy granny!
That extra grease tacked two years
onto her life, thank you very much.
That extra grease tacked two years
onto her life, thank you very much.
You ever rubbed a bar of soap
on your grandmother's forehead?
I don't think I'll have occasion to,
being that she's no longer with us.
Being that she's no longer with us.
Why? What would happen?
Well, you'd have yourself one heck
of a sparkling clean grandmama.
Maybe you didn't hear me.
My grandmother bought a farm!
Really? Cattle or crops?
She's dead, all right?
I don't want to talk about it!
Oops. Back to the veins.
Tell me about your veins.
See, I'm turning the questioning around.
Now tell us about your big,
greasy space veins white legs!
Harland Williams, I will not
hold court to your mischief!
Space Ghost!
The completion backward principle.
Uh, completion backwards principle?
Tell us about the veins!
Remember? Zorak creates a diversion,
while you circumnavigate ghost
planet at the speed of light.
That's right, Space Ghost.
Causing the planet to reverse its rotation.
Causing the planet to reverse its rotation.
Which in turn opens a multidimensional chasm.
Which in turn opens a multidimensional chasm.
Thusly causing time to go backwards
so that I can redo and/or
cancel the interview before the secret
of my hideous and spidery varicose
veins before the secret of my
hideous and spidery varicose veins
becomes common knowledge to the general public!
You see now, Space Ghost?
Yes! Why didn't I think of it before?
You did.
You called it the completion backwards principle.
All hail Space Ghost all hail Space
Ghost and his giant pulsing veiny legs!
And his giant pulsing veiny legs!
Zorak! Create a diversion!
Hey, everybody! Look at me!
Hey, everybody! Look at me!
Do doodly do do do do do da do
W-where is he?
Ever see superman I?
Yes.
He'll be back in a sec.
He's back!
Greetings!
I am Space Ghost.
What, you wake up with a
winnie-the-pooh video in your shorts?
Idiot! You went the wrong direction!
Are you sure?
We've been on for 3 hours now!
We've been on for 3 hours now!
Yeah!
I want time and a half!
Ooooh
I think I pulled too many gs.
Attaboy, Jerry.
Jerry!
Boy, I tell you what, that Space Ghost
has a nice little patootie on him,
don't he?
No!
You make me sick.
That was cool.
Huh huh huh.
Identify yourself to the universe.
I am Mike judge.
I am the creator of I know, I know,
I know, I know. I know what you do. Oh.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
I know what you do. Oh.
Maybe I can help you with your little cartoon deal.
Uh, yeah, I would like to know what I
could do to make what I do funnier.
You should make your show like
die hard only put it on a bus.
And then you should make the
guys talk funny and hit each
other in the head. And have explosions.
I'm going to write that down.
Yeah! And you should give
all the guys in the thing a
destructo ray and a freeze ray.
And you should make them talk
funny and hit each other.
In the head.
Yeah! In the head!
Yeah, yeah, destructo ray, freeze ray,
that could probably, like,
that could put us over the top.
Then I would come in and save the day!
Well, you know how to get ahold of me.
Oh, wait! I just remembered
draw everyone with large,
muscular, lantern-like jaws.
Like mine!
I think if I'd drawn butt-head and
beavis with stronger jaws, and, uh
White booties!
Yeah, white boots,
they might be funnier, and they might score.
Dames are like mustard.
They taste great on a sandwich,
but when you're not eating a sandwich,
they just sit there in your refrigerator
On a shelf
In a jar
Labeled
Mustard.
Oh, yeah.
Ok, then.
Citizen Mike,
give me an infectious laugh that
millions will aspire to imitate.
I actually found a there was, like,
huh huh huh. Fe I actually found a
there was, like, huh huh huh.Fe
then there was, like, hoo hoo hoo hoo!
Then there was, like, hoo hoo hoo hoo!
And, uh, you know, then of course heh heh.
And if you wanted to have the hoo hoo hoo,
you could probably have that one.
Hoo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo hoo.
Hoo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo hoo.
Will this hoo hoo hoo give me the
approval of the much sought-after
18-to-34-year-old demographic?
No, not really, but it's free, though.
I'll take it!
Citizen Mike, what are your favorite programs?
I really like this.
I like Space Ghost, man.
Thank you!
I like, uh, Space Ghost,
and, uh
Space Ghost? Space Ghost.
Thank you once again!
How can I repay you for your undying devotion?
How can I repay you for your undying devotion?
You could go into the cartoon rugrats
and just sort of clean house.
Y-you want me to whack the rugrats?
I'll give you a list of some people in the industry
I'll give you a list of some people
in the industry that need to be, uh,
that need to have this done to them.
Sorry.
Don't be.
That was quite a display of superior firepower.
Can you put a sound effect into this?
Noooooo!
To make us equal?
Sure thing. Moltar?
What special powers do you have
to help fight the insanity?
Aaaaaaah!
No, listen what special powers do
you have to help stop the insanity?
What special powers do you
have to help stop the insanity?
Nooooooo!
You're right. Let me try that again.
Hold it. Give me just a sec.
Hold it. Give me just a sec.
Noooo!
What special powers do you
have to help stop the insanity?
All right, stop it! It hurts, ok?
All right, stop it! It hurts, ok?
I don't know.
Let's hear you do butt-head.
Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
My name is butt-head.
My head is a giant human butt.
Ha ha ha.
And how about beavis?
Shut up, butt land.
My name is beavis. How was that?
Shut up, butt land.
My name is beavis. How was that?
Fab-o!
Yeah, yeah, that was well Yeah,
yeah, that was well
That was great.
Oh, I'm good, baby.
I'd like to hear zorak do beavis.
I'd like to hear zorak do beavis.
I'd like to hear Mike judge shut up!
I'd like to hear Mike judge shut up!
Oooooh, did you hear that, Mike?
Well, tell him I'd like to
tie the long hair on his head
well, tell him I'd like to
tie the long hair on his head
to the short hair on his nose and
kick him down the street, ok?
Bring it on, you son of a carpenter!
Bring it on, you son of a carpenter!
Knock it off. Guys, come on.
The power scepter is mine now, beast man!
That's my tail!
You betcha.
Give me back my tail!
Are you threatening me?
All right, everybody, just stop!
Wo, wo, wo
Thanks for stopping by, Mike.
Boy, I tell you what,
it don't get any better than this.
Nope, it sure doesn't.
Boy, it doesn't get any better
than this! Heh heh heh heh!
You hit the nose on the head, compadre.
It just doesn't get any better than this.
It doesn't get any better than this?
Huh huh huh.
No, it doesn't. And there you have it, folks.
Boy, it doesn't get any better than this!
Mike?
It really doesn't get any
better than this, mmm-kay?
Mmm-kay! Thanks for
It doesn't get any better than this.
Mike! Mike!
Uh, what's that?
I have to go home now.
Here's tom Anderson Boy, I tell you what.
Here's Hank hill Boy, I tell you what.
It's a big difference.
Ok, recording, and now.
Space Ghost isn't home right now. Huh huh.
Is there something I can
help you with? Heh heh heh.
Is there something I can
help you with? Heh heh heh.
Ok, there you go.
It's not for Space Ghost, it's for me.
It's not for Space Ghost, it's for me.
Did you want I thought you no, I want one for me.
Zoltar isn't home right now.
Leave a message. Beep!
No.
Ok.
My name's Moltar.
Moltar.
Yea hand say some stuff about fire this time.
Moltar isn't home right now,
fire, fire, leave a message.
Wait, I wanted one with butt-head.
Another one?
Yeah.
Hey, do one for me!
Ok, who's it for?
Zorak.
Do him and me!
Me and him.
And make it funny this time.
Zorak isn't here,
Moltar isn't here, leave a message.
No. Make it funny!
Zo-zorak and noltar
Moltar.
Ahh, forget it.
No, no, no, no, no!
Get what's-his-name to do a message for you.
Sit down, you Gore belly rump dead
foot-licker! We're not done yet!
Greetings, all.
Space Ghost is my name,
and animated comedy-style
interview programs based in
outer space are my game.
Joining me tonight are craven,
fat-kidneyed flirt gill harland Williams,
and unmuscled, sheep-biting mold warp Mike judge.
Have you seen my tail?
Your what?
My tail. Some joker cut it off!
You don't have a tail.
I know, because some joker cut it off!
Calm down, zorak.
You calm down! Did you eat it?
Why would I eat your stupid tail?
I didn't even know you had one.
Moltar?
I didn't eat it. I don't even like tail.
Oh, wait, here it is.
It's not a tail after all.
Play me to the desk.
It's a wacky fun slippery slide!
Whoa!
Whoo-hoo!
Check this out! Whoooaaahh!
All right, put the wacky fun slippery slide away.
Whee-heee!
My knee!
Please welcome my first guest,
citizen harland Williams.
Greetings, harland.
Hello thereBilly.
My name is not wheeeeeee!
Billy.
Oh.
It's Space Ghost.
Ok, Billy. Gotcha.
Hey, hey don't call me Billy.
I do not care for the name Billy.
Space Ghost, you
You're a little, uh, rambunctious today.
You're a little, uh, rambunctious today.
How would you like it if I pulled down your pants
and spanked your bare bottom right
here in front of zorak, Moltar, and
everybody?
I'll say one word about that
naughty.
Naughty?
Naughty.
Naughty Space Ghost.
What do you mean?
There's naughty stuff goin'
on in your head. You probably
have, like, daydreams about
pomegranates Pomegranates.
Sea fleece Sea fleece.
Timber.
Chocolate chip cookie dough.
You like wood, don't you?
Well, sure I do.
Who doesn't like wood?
Cedar, mahogany, rustic pine.
Yes, wood is good food.
Naughty-y-y-y-y-y
What's the matter?
That's some wacky stuff.
Moltar?
All right, uh hang on.
Uh, is this on the same tape, or stop!
God bless you, o black-capped whitey legs.
Do you have varicose veins?
No, I don't.
You got big, puffy veins
Pulsing away like organ grinder
monkeys on cheese twists.
Pulsing away like organ grinder
monkeys on cheese twists.
Yeah, he's got legs like his greasy granny!
That extra grease tacked two years
onto her life, thank you very much.
That extra grease tacked two years
onto her life, thank you very much.
You ever rubbed a bar of soap
on your grandmother's forehead?
I don't think I'll have occasion to,
being that she's no longer with us.
Being that she's no longer with us.
Why? What would happen?
Well, you'd have yourself one heck
of a sparkling clean grandmama.
Maybe you didn't hear me.
My grandmother bought a farm!
Really? Cattle or crops?
She's dead, all right?
I don't want to talk about it!
Oops. Back to the veins.
Tell me about your veins.
See, I'm turning the questioning around.
Now tell us about your big,
greasy space veins white legs!
Harland Williams, I will not
hold court to your mischief!
Space Ghost!
The completion backward principle.
Uh, completion backwards principle?
Tell us about the veins!
Remember? Zorak creates a diversion,
while you circumnavigate ghost
planet at the speed of light.
That's right, Space Ghost.
Causing the planet to reverse its rotation.
Causing the planet to reverse its rotation.
Which in turn opens a multidimensional chasm.
Which in turn opens a multidimensional chasm.
Thusly causing time to go backwards
so that I can redo and/or
cancel the interview before the secret
of my hideous and spidery varicose
veins before the secret of my
hideous and spidery varicose veins
becomes common knowledge to the general public!
You see now, Space Ghost?
Yes! Why didn't I think of it before?
You did.
You called it the completion backwards principle.
All hail Space Ghost all hail Space
Ghost and his giant pulsing veiny legs!
And his giant pulsing veiny legs!
Zorak! Create a diversion!
Hey, everybody! Look at me!
Hey, everybody! Look at me!
Do doodly do do do do do da do
W-where is he?
Ever see superman I?
Yes.
He'll be back in a sec.
He's back!
Greetings!
I am Space Ghost.
What, you wake up with a
winnie-the-pooh video in your shorts?
Idiot! You went the wrong direction!
Are you sure?
We've been on for 3 hours now!
We've been on for 3 hours now!
Yeah!
I want time and a half!
Ooooh
I think I pulled too many gs.
Attaboy, Jerry.
Jerry!
Boy, I tell you what, that Space Ghost
has a nice little patootie on him,
don't he?
No!
You make me sick.
That was cool.
Huh huh huh.
Identify yourself to the universe.
I am Mike judge.
I am the creator of I know, I know,
I know, I know. I know what you do. Oh.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
I know what you do. Oh.
Maybe I can help you with your little cartoon deal.
Uh, yeah, I would like to know what I
could do to make what I do funnier.
You should make your show like
die hard only put it on a bus.
And then you should make the
guys talk funny and hit each
other in the head. And have explosions.
I'm going to write that down.
Yeah! And you should give
all the guys in the thing a
destructo ray and a freeze ray.
And you should make them talk
funny and hit each other.
In the head.
Yeah! In the head!
Yeah, yeah, destructo ray, freeze ray,
that could probably, like,
that could put us over the top.
Then I would come in and save the day!
Well, you know how to get ahold of me.
Oh, wait! I just remembered
draw everyone with large,
muscular, lantern-like jaws.
Like mine!
I think if I'd drawn butt-head and
beavis with stronger jaws, and, uh
White booties!
Yeah, white boots,
they might be funnier, and they might score.
Dames are like mustard.
They taste great on a sandwich,
but when you're not eating a sandwich,
they just sit there in your refrigerator
On a shelf
In a jar
Labeled
Mustard.
Oh, yeah.
Ok, then.
Citizen Mike,
give me an infectious laugh that
millions will aspire to imitate.
I actually found a there was, like,
huh huh huh. Fe I actually found a
there was, like, huh huh huh.Fe
then there was, like, hoo hoo hoo hoo!
Then there was, like, hoo hoo hoo hoo!
And, uh, you know, then of course heh heh.
And if you wanted to have the hoo hoo hoo,
you could probably have that one.
Hoo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo hoo.
Hoo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo hoo.
Will this hoo hoo hoo give me the
approval of the much sought-after
18-to-34-year-old demographic?
No, not really, but it's free, though.
I'll take it!
Citizen Mike, what are your favorite programs?
I really like this.
I like Space Ghost, man.
Thank you!
I like, uh, Space Ghost,
and, uh
Space Ghost? Space Ghost.
Thank you once again!
How can I repay you for your undying devotion?
How can I repay you for your undying devotion?
You could go into the cartoon rugrats
and just sort of clean house.
Y-you want me to whack the rugrats?
I'll give you a list of some people in the industry
I'll give you a list of some people
in the industry that need to be, uh,
that need to have this done to them.
Sorry.
Don't be.
That was quite a display of superior firepower.
Can you put a sound effect into this?
Noooooo!
To make us equal?
Sure thing. Moltar?
What special powers do you have
to help fight the insanity?
Aaaaaaah!
No, listen what special powers do
you have to help stop the insanity?
What special powers do you
have to help stop the insanity?
Nooooooo!
You're right. Let me try that again.
Hold it. Give me just a sec.
Hold it. Give me just a sec.
Noooo!
What special powers do you
have to help stop the insanity?
All right, stop it! It hurts, ok?
All right, stop it! It hurts, ok?
I don't know.
Let's hear you do butt-head.
Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
My name is butt-head.
My head is a giant human butt.
Ha ha ha.
And how about beavis?
Shut up, butt land.
My name is beavis. How was that?
Shut up, butt land.
My name is beavis. How was that?
Fab-o!
Yeah, yeah, that was well Yeah,
yeah, that was well
That was great.
Oh, I'm good, baby.
I'd like to hear zorak do beavis.
I'd like to hear zorak do beavis.
I'd like to hear Mike judge shut up!
I'd like to hear Mike judge shut up!
Oooooh, did you hear that, Mike?
Well, tell him I'd like to
tie the long hair on his head
well, tell him I'd like to
tie the long hair on his head
to the short hair on his nose and
kick him down the street, ok?
Bring it on, you son of a carpenter!
Bring it on, you son of a carpenter!
Knock it off. Guys, come on.
The power scepter is mine now, beast man!
That's my tail!
You betcha.
Give me back my tail!
Are you threatening me?
All right, everybody, just stop!
Wo, wo, wo
Thanks for stopping by, Mike.
Boy, I tell you what,
it don't get any better than this.
Nope, it sure doesn't.
Boy, it doesn't get any better
than this! Heh heh heh heh!
You hit the nose on the head, compadre.
It just doesn't get any better than this.
It doesn't get any better than this?
Huh huh huh.
No, it doesn't. And there you have it, folks.
Boy, it doesn't get any better than this!
Mike?
It really doesn't get any
better than this, mmm-kay?
Mmm-kay! Thanks for
It doesn't get any better than this.
Mike! Mike!
Uh, what's that?
I have to go home now.
Here's tom Anderson Boy, I tell you what.
Here's Hank hill Boy, I tell you what.
It's a big difference.