The Wonder Years s04e14 Episode Script

What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song I will try not to sing out of key, yeah Oh, baby, I get by By with a little help from my friends All I need is my buddies High with a little help from my friends I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher - Try with a little help from my friends Whoa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh Somebody who knows quite sure Baby By with a little help from my friends Said I'm gonna make it with my friends Try with a little help from my friends Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying High with a little help from my friends I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby Ooh, ooh, ooh [ Leroy Anderson's "the syncopated clock" plays .]
Over the course of the average lifetime, you meet a lot of people.
Some of them stick with you through thick and thin.
Some weave their way through your life and disappear forever.
But once in a while, someone comes along who earns a permanent place in your heart.
Someone like, say Hi, Kevin.
Miss Hasenfuss, my dental hygienist.
Hi, Miss Hasenfuss! I'm ready for you now.
Actually, she was more than just my dental hygienist.
So, have we been brushing? You bet.
Every day.
Let's take a look.
Our relationship went beyond lower incisors and upper bicuspids and dental floss.
She was someone I could really talk to.
[ Muffled .]
So, how are you doing? Oh, busy.
You? Well You know.
Open.
She smelled like ivory soap and herbal shampoo, and knew all the right things to say to make a man feel like A man.
Spit.
And even though we only met twice a year, it was pretty clear we had something Special.
Last one.
Say "che-e-e-se!" [ Muffled .]
Che-e-e-se.
[ Mechanical whirring .]
Here, we'll let the doctor take a look at these.
But I'm sure they'll be perfect.
As usual.
[ Chuckles .]
But it wasn't until the x-rays were over and the big lead bib came off that our relationship really came alive.
So, how's school going? Oh, great! I graduate ninth grade this year.
Really? That's quite an accomplishment.
Well, you know We shared things, man to woman Woman to man.
You know I've never really told anybody this before But Promise you won't laugh? Uh, no.
I-I mean, yes.
I promise.
I've always thought I'd like to go back to school some day.
Really? I think so.
There's only so far in life you can go cleaning teeth, you know what I mean? Oh! Oh, of course.
But I'd never have the courage.
All those tests.
Tests scare me.
God, was she cute! Well, you know, tests really aren't so bad.
I mean, I've taken a bunch of tests.
I bet you'll do fine.
Hmm.
You really think so? Oh, absolutely.
No question about it.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
But I think I'm just not a very courageous person.
Not like you.
[ Gulps .]
And there you had it.
Total mutual admiration.
I admired her for her, uh I saved you the blue one.
Toothbrushes Thanks.
And she admired me for my courage.
What's the matter? You chicken? [ Farting sound .]
Courage in ninth grade being a relative thing.
No, I'm not chicken.
I'm just not crazy.
He's chicken.
[ Both cluck mockingly .]
Come on, guys.
Knock it off, will you? Look, all he has to do is slip this thing onto Mr.
gardenia's chair in study hall.
It'll be a riot! Yeah, well, maybe I don't think it's so funny.
[ Both cluck mockingly .]
You guys, leave him alone.
If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't want to do it.
- Yeah.
- Okay, then.
You do it.
Well, why don't you do it? It's your idea.
[ Both cluck mockingly .]
At 14, true heroism has less to do with actual logic and more to do with pure stupidity.
Okay.
I'll do it.
But you guys have to do it next time.
- Yes! Yes! - All right! Yes! -You guys are completely idiotic.
Maybe so.
But I wasn't the kind of guy to shrink from a challenge.
I was a man of action.
Hey, butthead.
A man with a brother.
Hasenfuss called.
A man who got phone calls from his dental hygienist.
She did? What'd she say? What do I look like, your secretary? She said she wanted to see you this afternoon.
Now, since I wasn't due for a checkup for another six months, this could only mean one thing.
[ Farting noise .]
[ Laughter .]
It had to be personal.
Boy, you got here fast.
Oh.
I was just in the neighborhood.
[ Panting .]
Did you Want me? Kevin I have something to tell you, and I'm not quite sure how you're gonna take it.
Maybe not.
But standing there, the possibilities seemed endless.
What is it? You have a cavity.
You're gonna have to see Dr.
Tucker.
[ Mechanical whirring .]
[ Hinge creaks .]
Okay.
Let's have a look-see.
Open.
Pick.
[ Metal scrapes .]
Thank you.
Wider.
[ Gasps .]
Hasenfuss, look at this.
Just as I thought.
Cavity.
Lower second bicuspid.
Big sucker.
Now, a word of explanation here.
I'd never had a cavity before.
Still, under Miss Hasenfuss' watchful eye, I figured, how bad could it be? [ Electricity crackles .]
Aaah! Aah! Oh.
Is that sensitive? Yeah.
Good.
Kevin, are you all right? - [ Panting .]
- Of course I wasn't.
But then, I did have an image to maintain here.
Fine.
It was Fine.
I-it was it was just a a Charley horse.
In my leg.
Well, you sure were brave.
A lot braver than me.
That cavity looked pretty serious.
I probably would have jumped out of my skin.
Nah, it was nothing.
After all, that smile was reward enough for a few moments of agony.
Especially now that it was all over.
Make an appointment on your way out.
An appointment? Well, that sucker's not getting any smaller.
We're gonna have to drill it and fill it.
[ Chuckles .]
Book him, Hasenfuss.
Next! Was this guy joking? No way I was coming back.
How's Wednesday sound? Fine.
A cavity? Oh, honey, that's too bad.
She didn't know the half of it.
Well, I suppose that's why we have dentists, don't we? I'm sure Dr.
Tucker will take good care of you.
Thanks, Mom.
But it wasn't Dr.
Tucker I was worried about.
It was looking like a craven coward in front of Miss Hasenfuss.
[ Belches .]
It was time to seek help from the Grand Poo-bah of tooth decay himself.
Wayne You go to Dr.
Tucker a lot, don't you? None of your business.
Well, when you do, and he, you know, fills a cavity Does it hurt much? Nah.
He gives you Novocaine.
Of course! Novocaine! And that works? Sure.
You don't feel a thing.
Once you get past that needle.
[ Shudders .]
What needle? The big one.
'Bout the size of a telephone pole.
See, he jams the thing right into your gums! Then all you hear are sounds.
Crunch! Crack! Zzzz! Zzzz! Zzzz! Then you feel tooth fragments flying everywhere! Oh, and then there's that unbelievable smell.
Got to be sure you don't gag or something.
And other than that it's a piece of cake.
That guy.
What a kidder.
Are we ready? I think so.
[ Chainsaw revs .]
Open wide! [ Laughs evilly .]
[ Chainsaw revs .]
This may Sting a little.
[ Laughs evilly .]
Help! Help me! Uh-oh! Oh! Is that sensitive? [ Laughs evilly .]
Miss Hasenfuss! Actin' funny but I don't know why And I thought you were a man of courage.
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky [ Sighs .]
[ Panting .]
[ Crickets chirping .]
Fortunately, by the next day, I'd pretty much managed to calm my fears.
[ Panting .]
Hi, Kevin.
You ready? Uh I think so.
Sure.
Nothing to worry about here.
Just a simple, little filling.
Miss Hasenfuss Something wrong? No.
It's just Who was I kidding? I had to tell her tell her I was scared.
Maybe she'd respect me for my honesty.
It's just there was this fire.
Fire? Yeah.
Yeah, at my house, so I got to go.
Oh.
I-I hope nobody was hurt.
No! No, nobody was hurt.
I just have to go now.
Right now.
[ Siren wails .]
There.
Grace under pressure.
[ Man screams in distance .]
Do you suppose that was Squasnick? I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
The night of the great dentist-office bailout, I faced a sobering truth.
You scared, kid? I wonder if we can take it.
All the way, I mean.
I had fled in the face of battle, in front of Miss Hasenfuss.
I was A coward.
It's the fear of being afraid that frightens me more than anything else.
Just remember what the old man told you.
I was unworthy of my proud lineage.
Dad? Hmm? You were in combat, right? Sure.
I was in combat.
Were you scared? Well I don't know if I'd call it scared.
We had a job to do, and we did it.
Fear has nothing to do with cowardice.
A fellow is only yellow when he lets his fear make him quit.
You know, when you're out there in the trenches and the smoke is stinging your nose, and the bullets are zipping past your head like flies You don't have time to be scared.
And that's when it hit me.
If my father was that brave, then maybe I had it in me, too, somewhere down deep.
There's only one thing that ever scared the pants off me.
What's that? The dentist.
[ Bomb whistling .]
[ Explosion .]
I was left with one option hide among women who shop.
Honey, is something wrong? No.
No.
Oh, it's your tooth, isn't it? No.
I-I-it's nothing, really.
Now, how long did you say it would take Dr.
Tucker to recover from that ski accident? Oh, what tangled webs we weave.
Mom, I got to go get some - Butter.
- Butter.
Price check on a 5-pound bag of dog food, please.
Face it.
I was a man on the run.
Running from fear, humiliation.
Running from Kevin! Hi! Hasenfuss.
Uh Jennifer! Hi! Mrs.
Arnold.
Hello.
Oh, my gosh, here they came the woman I'd lied to and The woman I'd lied to.
[ Train whistle blows .]
The rock and the hard place.
How've you been? Fine.
You? Good.
Look at all those books! Yeah, I've been kind of reading up on things.
I've been thinking about taking some classes, but I'm not sure, even though Kevin tells me I should.
- Right, Kevin? - Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
But I'm afraid I'm just not as brave as he is.
Ouch.
Anyway, I can't stop to chat.
I have to be getting back to the office.
Uh-oh.
Dr.
Tucker's office? I was trapped, like a rat in a ski accident.
- But I thought - Mom? It was time for some subtle creative thinking.
Uh, you know, she's got to get back to the office.
And You know, there's gonna be traffic getting home.
And have you seen the lines at those checkout counters? Oh.
Well, I guess we really should go.
I'm sure we'll bump into each other again.
Phew.
I was out of there.
Free and clear.
Oh, and Kevin, don't forget to reschedule your appointment.
And I'm so sorry about the fire.
A fire? [ Alarm blaring, alarm bells ringing .]
So much for the best-laid plans of mice and men, particularly mice with mothers.
There was no putting this off.
It was act now or face the chair.
[ Humming .]
Dr.
Tucker? I'm Kevin Arnold Your patient? Is this an emergency? Well, kind of.
See, I need to make an appointment.
Well, speak to Hasenfuss.
She keeps the books.
Well, that's kind of the problem.
You see, I was wondering if someone else could assist with the filling.
What's wrong with Hasenfuss? Well, nothing.
Nothing at all.
She's great.
I-it's just I'd just Rather have someone else, that's all.
Well.
She's off Tuesdays.
Why don't you come by about 4:00? Thanks.
You're the customer.
[ Chuckles .]
And it was done.
I'd been spared.
Dr.
Tucker? You won't tell her, will you? That I didn't want her there? Doctor, I-I forgot to remind you you have a 9:00 tomorrow morning.
I have to be getting back to work.
The next few days, I guess you could say I was kind of off my game.
Maybe it was my tooth.
Maybe it was something else.
All I knew was [ Door opens .]
Kevin Arnold? Here.
Oral hygiene was never gonna be the same again.
I'm ready for you now.
The thing is, even though I knew Miss Hasenfuss wouldn't be around, I could almost see her there, in that room where we'd shared our hopes and dreams.
Kevin.
Hi.
You're here? Did you come for your filling? Yeah.
Good.
You should get that taken care of.
Listen Miss Hasenfuss.
I took your advice.
Um, I'm leaving.
What? My God.
She was taking this harder than I'd thought.
Why? I'm going back to school full time, to become a dentist.
[ Chuckles .]
I think, maybe, for children.
I mean, now's as good a time as any, right? [ Chuckles .]
Oops.
I guess I'm kind of nervous.
I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Yeah.
Hey.
I'll take all my kids to you.
[ Chuckles .]
Promise? And at that moment, I learned a little something about fear and courage.
If this woman was brave enough to take life by the horns Maybe I could too.
Miss Hasenfuss? I, uh I have this filling.
Would you assist? [ Leroy Anderson's "the syncopated clock" plays .]
In the end, that appointment wasn't any big deal after all.
In fact, it was kind of a nice way to say farewell.
And sure, maybe it was the Novocaine coursing through my 98-pound body, but I could swear Miss Hasenfuss had a tear in her eye.
And when it was all over, there was nothing left to say but Don't forget to brush.
[ Slurred .]
You, too.
I never saw Miss Hasenfuss again after that day.
But I like to think that filling meant as much to her as it did to me.
It's funny, but even now, whenever I pass a professional building, I can't help but look for her name And remember.
Good night, Miss Hasenfuss Wherever you are.