Ally Mcbeal s04e15 Episode Script

Previously on Ally McBeal: - You're suing me? - I think it's time for you to cry.
You need to go to Detroit.
He needs his mother, and he needs his father.
You haven't given me an answer.
You can't just propose to somebody in a stall and expect a quick answer.
We got biblical one evening after we met in a bar.
- You had sex? - Yes.
This thing between you and Ling, is it over or not? It's over.
I don't want to be engaged to one who can't imagine "happily ever after.
" I'll work on it.
The dream you had where I left with a note? That's what I'd do.
- I will come back.
- I know you will, baby.
- Or you'll come to Detroit? - Or I'll come to Detroit.
Oh, hi.
Excuse me? How much longer till we land? We just took off.
How long is this flight? - Just over three hours.
- That's great.
- I'm going to Detroit.
- Yes.
As is the plane.
Don't you just love Detroit? You've got a fella there.
Actually, I do.
- How long since you've seen him? - Six weeks.
Oh, goodness.
I imagine he'll be quite frisky.
Probably picking out his little condom as we speak.
Does he wear a condom, or are you on the pill? They have pills for men now, did you know that? Pills for everything.
If he can't get firm, they've got a Viagra pill.
Now they have other little tablets to make spermy soldiers shoot blanks.
Oh, six weeks? He's probably got the whole artillery lined up.
Excuse me, I'm gonna go to the little ladies' room.
Gonna go put your little diaphragm in? A three-hour flight, dear? Lt'll ride up on you.
Uh, um, hi.
The The The lavatory? First door on your left.
Not that door! - What are you doing?! - I thought that it was you! Oh, my God.
- I didn't know you two - Get out.
Get out, Ally! Get out, get out! I've been down this road Falling Up Walking the line That's painted by pride And I have made mistakes in my life That I just can't hide Oh, I believe I am ready For what love has to bring I got myself together Yeah, now I'm ready to sing I've been searching my soul tonight I know there's so much more to life Now I know I can shine a light To find my way back home Oh, baby, yeah Oh, yeah I can't believe it.
I slept with him on a first date.
It took me and Larry two months before Yes.
And that's another discussion.
I can't believe it! - What happened? - Okay.
He dropped me off.
He was actually leaving.
We kissed.
- You kissed? - Ally, we had sex! So you kissed on the first date.
Fine.
Then what? And then it sort of led to a second kiss.
And during that second kiss, my hand just kind of slid down a little.
What do you mean it "slid down a little"? - It slid.
- It slid "oops" or "I moved it"? - I moved it.
- Frontal or backal? Backal.
And then after mine slid down, his kind of slid down.
And then we started grabbing.
And next we Where is he now? He left, after you rushed in.
- He didn't even stay the night? - He said, you know, he he had an early morning? Okay.
Okay.
Okay, things happen.
Remember me and the car wash.
But I like the guy, Ally.
Watch.
I'm never, ever gonna hear from him again.
Let's get started.
Seats, please? First up, Bennett versus Clapp.
Another annulment? We're becoming a niche firm on annulments.
John, help me out? Our client, Eric Bennett, took Mary Clapp to be his wife.
A presupposition of the marriage is that they would raise a family.
Now she has decided she doesn't want children neither vaginally, nor caesarian, nor adoption.
That's unacceptable to our client.
He wants the union dissolved.
Oh, please.
Thanks for that thoughtful input.
Is he prepared to stay home and scrape vomit off the burpy blanket? Aspirate the mucus out of its nose? Wipe its bottom of green poopy? You certainly hit the big issues.
Why not a divorce? It's a blemish.
It'd be against God, depending on your religion.
- Is he rich? - Filthy.
Annulment would be right.
Lt'd be different if they had a child.
We're not quite done here.
But I love the "eager beaver.
" Vulgarism.
We just Moving on.
What's wrong? I'm just I'm starting to I just You know Maybe some fresh air.
- Therapy before? - Many times.
I feel like I've been doing well.
- Airplane? - Yes.
- Elevator? - Yes.
- Hallucinations? - Yes.
- He's been gone? - Six weeks.
- Together how long? - We're still together.
- How long before he went to Detroit? - Two months.
- Married? Ever been? - No.
- Him? Children? - Once.
Son.
- The mother? - Detroit.
He's coming back when? He hasn't said.
Hm.
"Hm"? What does that mean? That's what my dentist says when he sees a cavity.
What? I see a cavity.
End the relationship with this man.
It's a dead end.
Do it today.
Was there anything else I can help you with? I'm not gonna just No, no, see, he loves me.
- I'm sure he does.
- It's just that Detroit is so lovely in winter.
- End it.
- He wants to be close to his son.
End the relationship.
No.
How can you? You don't even know me, or him.
I have been doing this a very long time.
People move in two directions: Forward or backward.
One day you are looking into one another's eyes the next he's in Detroit with his child's mother.
Not forward.
End the relationship.
While we were dating, we talked about the names we liked for our kids.
We talked about the number.
- How many was that? - Four.
Which is a lot today.
She didn't just want kids.
She wanted a lot.
When she changed her position on having a family? It changed everything.
I won't go so far as to say I was duped.
Objection! Duped is an inflammatory word.
- He didn't say it.
- I just heard him.
- He said he wouldn't go so far.
- We all heard it.
- He uttered it.
- Saying he wasn't I want it stricken.
Let's move along.
Mr.
Bennett? We got married, in large part, to raise a family.
That was the meeting of minds when we married.
- I object.
- Now what? Counsel has puffed up the witness with buzz words.
- It's the court being duped now.
- All right.
Oh, balls.
Buzz word.
You don't need to stare.
Call Larry.
- You can call Jackson.
- No, I can't.
You know why.
I'll tell you this: If he doesn't call after where he's just been he's a total pig.
- Is Larry a pig? - What? Well This therapist? As cold as she was it did sound a little like cold truth.
It's been over a month and he hasn't said when he's coming back.
Maybe it makes sense to see other people to protect myself.
You don't need to protect yourself.
He's in Detroit because he has a kid.
- He's got a family.
- I want a family.
I mean, not now.
Not tomorrow.
But someday.
Don't you? Yes.
Maybe I'm wrong, but we're both staring at our cell phones.
Neither of which are ringing.
I don't think we're making any progress.
- Hello? - Hello? He's come back to surprise you.
Hi.
You've got issues.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You're embarrassed? - I slept with you on the first date.
- Why? - It's just a woman thing? Guys don't want girls they can sleep with on the first date.
Do girls want guys they can have on the first date? No.
Okay.
I guess it's settled.
We must not want each other.
No, no, no! No, no, no! Of course you want each other.
Listen to your sliding hands.
You are gonna kiss her and then leave like a gentleman.
You're gonna call tomorrow, and you're gonna make dinner plans.
Kiss her.
I maintain you got issues.
Is it your testimony before this court that my client did not intend to have children on the day you were wedded? - I didn't say that.
- She changed her mind? - Probably, though - Thank you.
And is it your testimony before this court that when two people join hands in holy matrimony they become precluded from changing their aspirations toward parenthood? Is that your testimony? Objection.
We know this is a court of law.
- None of us are here for tennis.
- Sanctions.
Throwing out verbiage like "holy," "matrimony" and "court of law" hoping the reverence will rub off.
And he objects to the word "duped.
" Listen, I want this jury to be hearing the witnesses, not the lawyers.
Mr.
Cage, let him finish.
Thank you, Your Honor.
You have no actual or constructive knowledge do you, sir, in this court of law, that my client as she took her vows, I mean at the time she took them contemporaneously with the ceremony do you know that my client at that particular juncture didn't want children? I already said she may have changed her mind after.
Thank you.
That concludes this portion of my cross-examination.
I don't know.
I don't know.
- Are you losing? - Maybe.
He made a good point about state of mind at the time of the wedding.
He punctured my momentum and made a good point to close.
He's an objectionable little man who makes good points, damn it.
She's gonna testify, and you're gonna work your John Cage magic on her.
Maybe I'll come by and watch and get all hot with desire just watching you.
- That would be an overture.
- Yes, it would be.
Can you imagine she suddenly decides she doesn't want children? - Isn't that the essence of marriage? - The essence? No.
But it's one of the essences.
- I don't want to have children.
- Okay.
Funny.
I don't.
You don't? No.
May I ask why? Don't get me wrong.
I love kids.
It's why I teach.
I just don't I've upset you.
I'm due back.
I have a tennis - Court.
- Court.
- Richard.
Hey.
- What's wrong? Nothing's wrong.
Everything's great.
We always confide in each other, don't we? No.
Whatever.
You need to talk? I'm here.
Yeah.
It's just that I feel so lucky.
- Lucky? - Yeah.
Yeah, to have somebody that it hurts so much to be apart from.
I know that a love that is so strong is with you, even when he's not.
It should keep you strong.
It has.
I am stronger than I have ever been.
But, but, see, I just, um Well, I get my weak days.
- John and I went to this therapist.
- No! I have been through it.
No.
This guy's different.
Go, go, go! I don't like him, but he got results.
He kind of made us discover the roots by ourselves.
I don't really want my roots discovered.
I just want Larry.
Look at me.
You've been the source of strength for everybody else, Ally.
You have to let yourself cry.
I don't have the time or interest.
This therapist is good.
Give him one try.
I'll pass the cost onto a client.
- Hey, Ling.
- Hey.
Nice tie.
Just got it.
Big date tonight.
Really? - With Renee? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
How well do you know her? Pretty well.
The girls have had a lot of slumber parties.
I'm not missing anything? She's not an ax murderer or anything? She's a great woman.
Okay.
Thanks, Ling.
Where are you going on your date? Dinner and then the bar.
She's supposed to be singing tonight.
- Maybe we'll see you there? - Maybe.
Can you tell us why you've changed your mind, Ms.
Clapp? First off, the world is overpopulated.
Let's not forget that.
Schools are overcrowded.
People are starving.
I think the mindset that everybody should have kids should be addressed.
I'd like you to focus, if you could, on your specific decision-making.
Could you tell the jury, as they sit here performing their civic duty why you, Mary Clapp, did not want offspring? I just didn't feel equipped to raise them.
I enjoy my job.
As an only child, I admit I was raised rather selfish.
I began to question my capacity to make the necessary sacrifices parenting requires.
And I, quite frankly, didn't think it would be fair to the children.
For the good of the children, you decided not to give birth to them? - Objection! - Sustained.
Is it not true that at the time you got engaged you expressly wanted to have children? - Yes - You knew that he wanted them? - I did.
- And you knew he, in fact, got married to, in fact, have children? Objection! Too many facts! After you married this man of wealth you decide not to have kids.
- Is that what happened? - Yes.
But I didn't dupe him.
What kind of person doesn't want children? - Objection! - The kind that says they do then says, "kidding," after they qualify for alimony? - Mr.
Cage.
- He planned a life for you.
You just decided to switch the plan, didn't you? Any woman who doesn't want children has no business being a mother.
Pip-squeak.
Nothing further, Your Honor, except to say repugnant.
The witness may step down.
I'm sorry.
Well, I understand about the airplane and the elevator thing.
Falling.
It's about lack of foundation or feeling unsafe.
The nun What about the nun? I really believe that she was judging me.
I mean, she was very sweet.
You would've liked her.
Well, when you, um You talk to a nun about birth control It's not like we were dishing.
- May I open my eyes? - Please.
It's likely you view the nun as a symbol of celibacy and on some level regard sex foremost as a means of procreation.
You're going to see the man you love flying on a plane, talking to a nun about birth control.
You want to marry Larry Paul and have his children.
It's really not complicated.
So, why did I fall out of the plane? Deep down, you know it'll never happen.
Let me salute your insight.
The reason many people marry the reason they got married was to start a family.
Eric Bennett dreamed of it, in fact.
Mary Clapp shared that dream.
Or so she declared.
To have and raise a child.
- Now what greater joy is there? - Poop! All right.
My client got married to Mary Clapp to start a family after which, she declares she doesn't want children.
Well, there's no union here.
There was no "coming together.
" And this marriage should be rightfully dissolved.
A marriage is about many things, children sometimes being one of them.
But Mary Clapp's wedding vows went to Eric Bennett to love and cherish and be faithful to him.
Many men dream of conceiving their own biological offspring.
Do we dissolve their marriages if the wife turns out to be infertile? Marriage fundamentally is about two people committing to each other.
Mary Clapp stands by that commitment.
Do we really mean to suggest here a woman shouldn't be free to change her mind about whether she wants to have a child? Come on.
- You interrupted my closing.
- For somebody who reveres marriage you have a funny place of locating its essence.
You were an odd choice to be - Don't call me odd.
- What I am saying - Pip-squeak.
Puke.
- Oh, balls.
Hey, you know you faked that! You stutter-head! - Stutter-head? - I apologize.
It's not that funny.
It was in the delivery.
"Y-Y-You stutter-head!" All right.
Fine.
Laugh at me, then.
Do you really believe that marriage is mainly about children? - The magic of childhood - Who says they're all magical? Ah.
- What? - We're talking about you.
My childhood was fine.
- Don't lie.
- Balls.
- Splat.
- Run over me, then.
Why is life about looking backwards? - I'm not looking backward.
- You are.
You want to relive your childhood.
I'm looking at a future with somebody who doesn't believe in marriage or in having children.
It's bleak.
Poop! - Baby, baby, sweet baby - Sweet, sweet Something that I just got to say - Baby, baby, sweet baby - Sweet, sweet You left me hurting In a real cruel way "Since You've Been Gone.
" I love the theme.
- It's Motown night.
- Motown night? Detroit, home of the Tigers, Lions, Larry.
Oh, funny.
Funny.
Just be true Jackson and Renee have a duet coming up.
- What? You know what they say: When people sing together, they're doing it.
It's their second date, Elaine.
Renee's a bigger tramp than me.
- Than I used to be.
- Got it.
Ally? May I speak with you, please? It's urgent.
Okay.
And I've just been so blue Since you've been gone Ally, can I ask you a personal question? Well, sure.
At some point, you want to have children, right? Damn it! Damn it! Why does everybody think that he's not coming back? I've got two therapists and a nun telling me to move on.
Now you.
You know what? Thanks a lot, John.
I'm talking about me and Melanie! Oh.
She doesn't ever want to have children.
She doesn't? We just had a big fight.
Well, hey.
Hey, John, couples fight.
If one wants a child and the other doesn't, that's not good, right? Okay.
You know, it's not, um I am sure that she will probably come around.
Many people say that they never want to have kids, okay? But then they meet the right person and suddenly everything changes.
The idea of conceiving another being with somebody you love is much more powerful than the abstract idea of having children.
- Really? - Really.
Do not give up on her, John.
No, no, no.
Do not.
Well, I mean I agreed to think, so I should perhaps go do that.
- Yeah.
- But thank you.
I never for a second thought he wouldn't come back.
- Really? - No.
Come on.
The man knows what he has.
Though you don't call anymore I sit and wait in vain I guess I'll rap on your door Tap on your window pane - What's up with the Biscuit? - Oh, stuff.
Wow! - Missing you - Till you come back to me That's what I'm gonna do They're totally doing it.
Can you just listen to the song? "Till You Come Back.
" I love tonight's theme.
Free I want us to do a number together.
- Elaine, I don't sing.
- I'll teach you.
If you love me, you'll do a number with me.
I want to be hot like them.
To prove that my love is true Oh, baby I agree with you, Elaine.
They must be biblical.
Be quiet and enjoy the number.
Mark, could you pass the feminine napkins, please? - Bygones.
- Quiet.
I've got to make you see Oh, that our love is dying I'm gonna rap on your door Renee? Renee? It's not what you think.
- What's going on? - She's back, that's what.
I just came in looking for the remote for the television.
I felt her hovering.
I think she was watching us.
Were you watching us? - As a matter of fact, yes.
- Why? It was nice.
It made me feel a little less lonely for a second to just look at you two.
I really was going for the remote.
Madame Foreperson, the jury has reached a verdict? - We have, Your Honor.
What say you? We, the jury, find in favor of the defendant and rule that the marriage shall not be dissolved.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this concludes your service.
- I'm sorry.
- You did your best.
Thanks again.
I didn't sleep much last night.
I could barely tic.
Why don't we go back to the office? Yes.
Can we do that? Sure.
My problem is you love children.
- Of course I do.
- Yeah, but hear me out.
- I am agreeing with you.
- Just hear me out, damn it.
Oh, peanut.
Go ahead.
Look, I mean you teach children.
You write children's books.
You love them, and you get them, Melanie.
You totally tap into their magic, their world.
What's your point? My point is, I don't believe you.
When you say you don't want them, I don't believe you.
Ally said something that She implied that many couples when they opt to have children they're motivated to celebrate their union.
To have a baby with a person you love most in life? What could be richer than that? I think at some point, you're gonna meet the man who you do want to have children with.
I just don't think you've met him yet.
This is about me.
Evidently.
I'm not the one, am I? You could very well be the one.
You could be the love of my life and I'd still walk away from you.
Oh, John, I was married once.
Years ago.
Happily married, and I walked away.
Why? Because it's what I do.
Things flatten out.
Normalcy.
Contentment.
And I walk away.
Children? You have to believe in forever before I love you.
I don't want to go.
Today or tomorrow.
But I'm gonna go one day.
I don't understand.
I know, I mean, you say you love somebody You know, you It's just what I do.
I told you I would work on it, and I did.
I do.
I will.
I am.
But I know that one day I'm gonna go away.
Well, then maybe before either of us get too hurt maybe it should be today.
I think somebody's in the unisex.
The sadness and the sorrow Wish me luck, the same to you When do I sing? But I can't regret What I did for love What I did for love You stuck me in a freezer? Are you back? I'm back.
I'm not much better at hellos - How long? - What? I mean, is this a visit? Or how long are you back for? Well, does forever work for you? I was hoping to move in.
- Are you thinking about it? - No, Larry, Larry I won't shave my legs in the tub.
No, uh-uh.
Uh-uh, I'm I just won't be able to take you leaving again.
Which works out well, because I don't plan to.
I told you, I'm only at the beginning of loving you.
You stinker!