Baby Daddy s04e15 Episode Script

This is fun, right? Us hanging out like two old friends who've never dated or broke up or had anything weird happen.
Oh, my God, so much fun.
This really is not fun, is it? No.
No.
I mean, I want it to be.
I'm just wondering if there's too much stuff between us now.
Okay, yeah, so there's some stuff.
But, I mean, we can get past that, right? We've been friends our whole lives.
Like, what would you be doing if you were here with Tucker instead? Probably building the perfect woman using celebrity body parts.
Or playing this hook-up game called "shot and score".
Shot and score? Yeah, you take a shot, pick a stranger and try and get them to make out with you.
The first one back to the stool wins.
Like, with a stranger stranger? It's okay, I'm not suggesting we play.
Why not? I wanna play.
That's what friends do.
Hey.
Two vodka shots, please, 'cause my buddy and I here are playing "shot and score.
" Pow! All right, if you wanna play Oh, I dare you to shot and score with him.
Very nice.
Handsome, a little older.
Like, "interesting" older, not "eww" older.
And, uh, I pick Her for you.
She seems like your type.
Female.
Perfect.
Oh, and if you happen to overhear me mentioning something about being an airline pilot, that's just because she didn't believe I was a doctor, okay? So, you ready? On three.
One, two, three.
- Ah.
- Uhh.
Wait.
I think I need to play "two shots and score.
" I'm really not ready.
It's amazing how the unexpected can change your life and change direction Hey, I'm really sorry to rush you out of here like this, but the airline called, and I accidentally brought home the keys to the plane.
Ben.
Riley! Hi! Hey, you're up early.
Uh, this is Jessica.
Yeah, it's okay, I don't know your name, either Captain.
So, how did shot and score go last night? Oh, you mean the part where I go up to a random guy and hit on him, and then he looks at me like I have six heads, so I go back to the stool to wait for you, but you're already gone because you took a stranger home for "shot and score: The home edition"? Sorry.
My shot and score kinda turned into shot, score, and a little more.
My God, Ben.
I can't believe you care more about scoring with a stranger than hanging out with a friend.
Yeah, we should probably just go to the movies next time.
Come on, come on, come on.
You know, I really had oh, yeah.
Tell it to your mother.
Go, go, go, go, go! Touchdown! Isn't that amazing? Yeah, she also does it for "score," "field goal," and luckily "time to put a sweater on.
" Pay up.
Seriously? You consider that a trick? I taught her how to peel a banana with her feet.
Look, all right, tell you what, I am a fair man with a slight gambling problem.
So, uh, how about double or nothing? I'm not stupid, Tucker.
You know if I win, I'm gonna pick double, not nothing.
Oh, my God, I'm so late.
I didn't get any sleep last night.
Yeah, I ran into your reason why when I got up to use the bathroom.
Yeah.
We chatted.
She was naked.
It was awkward.
Oh, you did? Was she nice? We didn't really get a chance to talk.
Why is Emma dressed like that? You guys aren't teaching her weird stuff and betting on her again, are you? - Who, us? - No way.
Never.
- Don't be insulting.
- That would be wrong.
Okay, good.
All right, Emma, wish daddy luck.
Since Henderson got sent away for tax evasion, the bar's up for sale, and a couple of potential buyers are coming by this morning.
- Well, that's good, right? - Uh, no.
What if the new owners are expecting enthusiasm, high standards and motivation? I could be out of a job.
Mrs.
Wheeler? What are you doing in my office? Wondering what you're doing in your office on a Tuesday when you're supposed to be at a staff meeting! It's Wednesday.
Wow.
Margarita Monday really got away from me there.
Wait.
Are you using my printer to make real estate flyers? Riley, do you know how much it costs to make copies? No.
Well, I do.
Well, at least I did until you started working here.
Whatever.
It's fine.
I actually really need to talk to someone about something that you're kind of an expert in.
- Real estate? - No.
One-night stands.
I had my first one last night.
Ha ha ha ha! Oh, man! I remember my first one-night stand.
No, I don't.
It was it was supposed to be this drunken, stupid thing, you know? Then he just texted me.
What do I do? Are you sure it wasn't one of my guys? 'Cause I always give them your number.
My God! Oh, my God! There he is! Hide! Hide! What is he doing here? Oh, he's probably one of those crazy stalker guys.
Oh! This could not be worse! I don't know.
He could be a client.
That might be a little worse.
Oh! Thank you, Emma! See? I told you I could top that lame touchdown trick.
Wow! You taught her how to bus a table.
Congratulations.
She has a bright future ahead of her.
Hey, guys, you see that dude right there? That's Ian Hughes, the new restaurateur everyone's talking about.
Everything he touches turns to gold, and he's thinking about buying this place.
Dude, why is Emma here? Isn't she supposed to be at day care? Yeah.
She just wanted to see her dad.
Sheesh.
Now she feels rejected.
Way to go, dad.
Come on.
Wow.
This is great, Ben.
What an amazing opportunity.
I know, right? Oh, crap! It's that girl from last night.
What is she doing here? Well, alcohol is a known way to remove unwanted memories.
No.
This is not good.
What if she makes a scene in front of my potential new boss when she finds out I work here and not up there? You told her you were God? - Hey! Hi! - You! Look, I'm super flattered that you're trying to track me down, but now is not a good time.
And I'm not actually a pilot.
No, it's okay.
I'm not actually new to the big city.
But there's something you should know.
There you are.
I see you've met my wife.
Your your your what? My wife.
Yeah, that's what I thought you said.
See? This This is why I don't do bad things because it always come back to bite me in the ass.
No, that's exactly why you do bad things.
To get bitten on the ass.
Look, you need to just take control and get out there and act like nothing happened.
Sorry to interrupt.
Riley? Ross? You're this Riley? Riley Perrin? In the flesh.
Though not-not as much as, uh As last night.
Are you suing someone? Because our clients are always satisfied.
Legally speaking.
Yeah, that's good to know.
Um, I'm not a client.
I'm the new managing partner.
You're my boss? Guilty.
Well, I guess I can cancel our "getting to know you" lunch.
Great first day.
Oh, wow! You are definitely gonna remember your first one-night stand.
You slept with his wife? How could you not know she was married? Well, it's not like it's on my standard "getting to know you" questionnaire.
Are you willing? Hey, she's got way more to lose than you, so just be cool.
I'm sure everything will be fine.
I gotta tell you, Ben, I really like the look of things around here.
Yeah.
Best job in my wife life.
I don't have a wife.
You have a wife.
What were you saying? Jessica actually came in last night.
I always send her in first to inspect the place and the employees.
She said she was very satisfied.
Hey, what's up, Ben? Hey, wait, don't I know you? No.
Uh, no, I don't think so.
Yeah! Yeah! Ben's hot hook-up! Yeah! Naked lady from the bathroom! Oh, I got your earring, by the way.
- Excuse me! - Who are you? Naked lady's husband? Wow.
This is even more awkward than when we ran into each other in the bathroom.
Hey, I hope that couch Cushion's got a seat belt, 'cause Emma is about to blow you away.
Go, girl.
Oh, my God! You taught her that? You're a genius! That's the coolest thing ever! I know, right? Bro, I think I won.
I think you did, too.
It's done.
Over.
Life, career, future, all officially ruined, all for a couple of stupid seconds of fun.
Seconds? I was excited.
She was new.
It happens.
I can't believe I'm so stupid.
Now that Ian's backing out, everyone at the bar is blaming me for losing their job.
I wish there was someone else.
Hey, either of you want to buy a bar? Uh, I would, but, you know, I just bought three hotels and a rail road, so I just need to figure out how to get Ian back on board.
How about an apology? No.
No, that's stupid.
You know what I'm gonna do instead? I'm gonna go over there and tell him I'm sorry.
Yep.
Wish me luck.
That's really nice, Danny.
Would you mind not burping in front of my kid? The last thing I want is for her to pick up that bad habit.
Sorry, dude.
Do it again, Emma.
This is so great! Good job! Let's face it.
I've ruined my future here for 30 minutes of fun.
Well, he's a little older, so Yeah.
Look, I'm telling you, you're overreacting.
This is a huge firm.
You'll hardly ever see each other.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, you're still busy.
Uh, yes, I'm with a client.
Oh.
Bonnie Van Doren, heiress to a huge pickle fortune.
I'm thinking of bringing my business here.
So, do we have a "dill?" Seriously, I'm not "gherkin" around.
Uh, I just wanted you to know that I'm putting you on the team for the Anderson case.
That's pretty much it.
My God, the Anderson case? Oh, man, that son of a bitch.
This is the best case of the firm.
Ugh, that hot piece of man meat.
You know, obviously, he only gave this to me because we slept together.
Oh, my God! I can't believe I have turned into that girl.
You know, that girl who only gets ahead by sleeping her way to the top.
Jody Montez, the new head of accounting, is that girl.
God, I hate that girl.
I don't know what you're complaining about.
Hot boyfriend, big promotion, 30 minutes.
I think you won.
Ben.
If you're looking for Jessica, she's sleeping with the fishes.
Oh, my God! You had her killed? No, Bill and Sara Fish.
They have a guesthouse.
Ian, please, we need to talk.
Look, I know you're not going to accept an apology from me.
I wouldn't.
You probably want to kick my ass.
Again, I wouldn't.
But look, the Bar on B is a good investment.
Won't you please reconsider? If not for me, for everyone else who works there.
And if you do, I will quit, and you'll never have to see my face again.
So you would sacrifice your own job to make sure the people you work with have a steady paycheck? Yeah.
I'm noble like that.
Okay.
I'll reconsider.
But you may want to consider a new career.
I have a feeling your bartending days are over.
I'm vengeful like that.
You want to know what my plan is? I'm gonna drink all the beer in the world.
That way, Ian has nothing to sell, goes out of business and calls me back in for help.
Yep.
You should be proud of yourself.
You actually tried to do something right for other people.
You're a good bartender.
You'll find something.
I've already tried, but Ian's put out the word out on me.
I've been to half the bars in the city.
No one's gonna hire me.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go tell my daughter that her eating days are over.
I'll put her to bed.
She doesn't need to see you like this.
Hey, you know I'll always be there for you and Emma, right? I know.
Thanks, man.
Hey, I'm tagging in.
What'd I miss? He's mad, he's sad.
He's a bad dad.
He's basically a Dr.
Seuss book.
Pfft, good one.
I can't believe I'm gonna be out of a job! Bar on B was nothing when I started.
It's gonna be nothing when I leave.
I'm the one who came up with trivia Tuesday.
I'm the one who invented the Bar on B-tini.
I'm the reason every night is ladies' night! Girls love me! Which is kind of why we're here now.
Exactly.
You know what the "B" stands for, Tucker? I'm guessing you're gonna say Ben.
See, you get me.
You know what I'm saying? Man, they don't pay us enough, am I right? Mrs.
Wheeler, what are you doing here again? What does it look like I'm doing here? Checking on you.
That's what it looks like, right? What am I supposed to do about this case? Well, I'm not a lawyer, but I'm gonna go with "win it.
" No, the case is not the problem.
How I got the case is.
Well, then give it back.
You need to tell him that you are not that kind of girl.
That you are just as smart and talented as every other lawyer in this building, and that you will earn your cases the right way, by standing up for yourself and your clients.
You need to demand to be judged by your skills in the courtroom, not the bedroom.
I rest my case.
You know what? That is exactly what I am going to do.
You actually would have made a really good lawyer.
I know, right? Hold still, man! I can't get it down if you keep wobbling around like some drunk guy.
Oh, wait, you are some drunk guy! Wait! Wait! I got it! I got it! No.
No, I haven't got it.
I haven't got it.
- We got it! - We got it! - I have something to say to you.
- Not a good time.
How about I decide if it's a good time, okay? Look, I know that you just gave me this case because we slept together.
- Riley.
- No, no, no! Please.
Please do not interrupt me, all right? Just admit it.
We had sex.
You felt guilty, so you gave me this case to make yourself feel better.
Well, guess what? I'm not Jody Montez, okay? I am a lawyer, and a damn good one, and I don't need to earn my place at this firm by banging the new partner! Am I clear? Clear to me.
And to our associates in Chicago, London and Tokyo.
Hi, guys.
Jody.
Congratulations on the promotion.
Yeah.
This guy's totally going to jail.
Oh, jeez.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I embarrassed myself across three continents! - Riley.
- No, no, no! Not only did I humiliate myself, but I managed to just splatter you with collateral humiliation.
I'm so, so sorry.
Riley the last thing I wanted was to create any more problems for you.
So, look, I know what you have to do, and I will just make it easy on you.
I will pack up my office tonight, and you will have my letter of counselor! I am not going to fire you.
No one is.
I didn't put you on this case because we slept together.
I did it because you're smart and well-respected.
I made that decision before I even met you.
Really? Really.
So, look, I know I'm I'm an idiot.
I mean, I spent my entire day locked in my office not knowing what to do or what to say.
Me, too.
You should have just come talk to me.
I should have.
I just Look, I'm not very good at this.
And I want you to know that I'm not the type of guy who goes around having one-night stands.
I mean, I am definitely never doing that again.
Not because of you.
I mean I would with you again.
That was incredible.
Well, you know, there Is a way to make this not a one-night stand.
We could make it a two-night stand and go from there.
Really? Would you like to go out with me again? Yeah.
Yeah, I'd like that very much.
Oh, hey, guys! Hey! Hey! Nice to see you again, Ross.
Um, you know what, Riley? That was some really good advice, you know, to sit in a dark place and collect my thoughts.
Um, I-I think my pickles will be very happy here.
Um, so listen, uh, I've got a Kosher conference in Long Island that I've got to get to, so, I got to bye-bye! Ben! Dude! Do you have to be so loud? Aah! Do I have to be so loud? Damn, I was hoping I dreamt that.
Uh-oh.
I think I know what the "B" stands for.
Oh! I really am a dumb-ass.
Yeah.
I mean, who steals a sign from their own bar? You know what? I deserve this sign because what'd you say? I said it's your bar.
Actually it's ours.
I outbid Ian Hughes.
I just got back from the bank.
Congratulations.
We officially own Bar on B.
What? You bought the bar? Why would you do that? 'Cause you're my brother, and I care about your future.
Plus, I don't know how long they're going to pay me to play hockey.
So this way, I've got my future covered, too.
Dude Oh I don't know what to say.
How about "let's go put our sign back?" Yes.
Totally.
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
- Okay, guess I'll see you at work.
- Okay.
- Riley? - Ben! Ben! Hi! Uh, you're up early.
This is Ross.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Don't engage.
So, when you said you were waiting at the bar for hours, you left out the part where you were waiting at home naked in bed.
Hey, you know what? Fine.
I shot and scored.
Are you happy? Ben, eww.
Oh, my God.
You're teaching Emma some great manners there.
That wasn't me! Danny! I told you to stop burping around Emma! Uh, you bought the bar.
You know, forget it.
We're cool.