Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990) s04e15 Episode Script
Somewhere in the World It's Christmas
You know, I'm so glad we didn't rush over there on an early flight.
This way, we get to spend a traditional Christmas-Eve-day supper in our own home.
Yeah, who wants to rush off to Hawaii anyway? Brandon, are you making fun of me? No, Mom, I would never do that.
As a matter of fact, this is the best Christmas luau you've ever whipped up.
I'm especially fond of your cranberry and poi chutney.
Brandon's on a roll.
Well, I happen to agree with Mom.
I'm glad we decided to take the later flight.
This way we all got to sleep in.
Anything to avoid the flight over the ocean, huh, sis? Brenda, you're not anxious about flying, are you? No, not really.
Mom, would you pass me the sweet potatoes, please? Sure, honey, but first, I would just like to take a moment to give thanks and say how blessed I feel to be spending another Christmas with the people I love most in the world.
Amen.
Sure beats the first Christmas we had here, huh, Mom? What are you talking about? Our first Christmas in California was lovely.
Talk about a selective memory.
Really, Mom, have you completely forgotten what happened that year? It was like a 100 degrees out, we were in the middle of a drought and you were incredibly homesick.
You were none too pleased with the pathetic-looking Christmas tree that Dad and I brought home.
Jim, what happened to the tree? I mean, it's I think the word you're looking for is dead, Mom.
Oh, it's not really dead, it's just kind of wilted.
Oh, yes, it's starting to come back to me.
Do you remember Santa Claus? Oh, who could forget Santa? Where did you ever find that guy anyway? Hey, he found me.
Remember, I was working at that trendy boutique on Robertson with that creep, Deidre, who kicked him out even though he wasn't hurting anyone.
Very funny.
Would you mind leaving, please? Aren't you in need of some Christmas cheer? All I'm in need of is a security guard to keep nutcases like you out of here.
And then the cops started hassling him.
I don't have any ID.
- Where do you live? - North Pole.
Smart.
You got a place to live, pal? - What's going on here? - Don't worry about it.
I know this guy.
You do? Yeah, he's Santa Claus.
And one thing led to another.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Jim Walsh.
- Saint Nick.
- Saint Nick.
Brenda, you can't just bring some strange guy off the street home for dinner.
Why not? Look, it is Christmas and he is Santa Claus.
Well, who knows who's lurking under that beard? My instincts tell me that he's harmless.
Oh, that makes me feel a lot better.
Well, fortunately for us, Santa Claus turned out to be a wonderful person.
You know what I remember most about that guy? The same thing we all remember the most.
You see, for over 40 years, Mrs.
Claus and I lived in a big house high up on a hill.
And she made the most wonderful Christmas dinner.
We had a big tree with loads of presents for lots of little elves.
But the elves grew up and they moved away.
And even though it was only she and Santa left in this big house, she still made the most splendid Christmas dinners.
But last year, Mrs.
Claus died.
And as far as I was concerned, Christmas died with her.
I wanted to pretend that Christmas didn't exist anymore.
But I was beginning to believe the only place Santa belonged in this town was in jail.
Until that girl took in a lonely, old man for dinner.
Hey, Mom, if that's Santa Claus, tell him I can get him a deal on some stuffed reindeer.
- Oh, stop.
- Hey.
When's the shuttle coming to pick us up? Plane doesn't leave for another four hours.
Yeah, ho, ho, ho, and a Merry Christmas.
If it isn't Dylan, what are you, Santa's little helper? Something like that.
Anyway, I bring you presents, all of you.
- Merry Christmas.
- Oh, thank you, Dylan.
Could you give this to Iris when you get to Maui? I'd be happy to.
I can't wait to see her.
So where are you gonna spend the holidays, son? Oh, thanks, bro.
I'm going to Baja.
Baja California.
Favorite recreation spot of Brenda Walsh.
Thank you.
Dylan, sit down and join us, please, as we take another long trip down memory lane.
Let's not and say we did.
There you go.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
I bid you adieu, have a great trip and I'll see you later.
Oh, won't you sit down and eat with us? No, I can't.
I got one more stop to make.
But you know what, Cind, do yourself a favor.
When you get to Maui, it's so beautiful, you're gonna sit there, look out over the volcano, catch one of those sunrises.
You know what I'm saying? - See you.
- Bye.
I didn't know Dylan was such a fool for Christmas.
Yeah, me either.
Now, this one my mom bought in this little, tiny shop right outside of Carmel.
It's the first one from my collection.
Now, these two, they're my favorites.
They're from Belgium and I always hang them right at the top of the tree so they could see the whole world.
Dylan, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Baja by now.
Well, you two are my last stop.
Oh, don't look now but you're standing under the mistletoe.
Well, signed, sealed, delivered.
I'm here, I'm yours.
Go for it, Donna.
Donna, Merry Christmas.
Oh, thank you.
And Donna, happy birthday.
Oh, you Yeah.
Okay, that's good, guys.
Hi.
Hey, little lady, don't you worry about it.
I got a sack full of gifts for you right here and one for your little sister.
That's so sweet.
Erin's out of town with Jackie until New Year's.
But I'll give it to her as soon as she gets back.
I'll be back for New Year's Eve so you don't make any plans.
I wouldn't think of it.
Hey, what's up, Dylan? Silverado, brother, you look like a man on a mission.
Yeah, well, my dad's having some friends over tonight so this is what I'm wearing.
Hey, you look really nice.
- Yeah, you do.
- Thanks.
Listen, I'll be back in a couple hours.
Well, we'll be here.
Great.
Take care of yourself.
Take it easy.
What's wrong with him? Nothing, he's okay.
It's just the whole custody fight.
Been kind of brutal on him.
But, you know, Kelly here could be a big girl, and bury the ax for one evening.
Donna, if I go to Mel's, Jackie's gonna think that I'm on his side.
- Kelly.
- It's a question of loyalty.
And I can't do it.
But you could if you wanted to.
Help.
Hey, give credit where credit is due.
Donna is the master manipulator.
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Oh, I would.
- Sorry, guys, you're on your own.
- Traitor.
Well, ladies, I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to be saying adios for now.
However, I'm under the mistletoe again, so Oh, what a shot, Kel.
- Take it easy, Donna.
- Thank you.
- Have fun.
- But not too much fun.
Hey.
Since you two got back together, he has been a completely different person.
I mean, I've never seen him so upbeat and Christmas-y.
Yeah, I don't know.
Professor Waigner says that a lot of people use the holidays to hide how lonely they really are.
God knows Dylan has enough bad memories about this time of year.
You know, Kel, and I don't mean this as criticism, those psychology classes you've been taking? I think you've been taking them a little too seriously.
I hope you're right.
Thanks for coming.
I never expected to see you here.
Why? Well, because I just figured that That you kind of hated me right about now.
No.
No, I don't hate you, Dad.
But when I think about all the Christmases that I spent alone with the maid while you were off in the Bahamas, or skiing, or somewhere with one of your girlfriends, I guess I finally wanted you to know what it was like to be lonely at Christmas.
Then I remembered how much it hurt.
As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't leave you hanging on Christmas Eve.
Yeah.
Well, you know something, son, I You know, sometimes, I think of this place as like a monastery, and I'm this monk.
Because all I do is think about you, Dylan.
And what a strong son I have who's out there in the world all alone, just like I was.
Dad! Jack! Hi, are you Dylan McKay? I don't know, who's asking? Well, I'm an old friend of your father's.
He said that if I was ever in town, I should look you up.
He's dead.
I'm sorry.
We've caught you at a bad time, haven't we? Sort of, yeah, I need to get out of here right now.
Well, we won't bother you, then.
But would you happen to know of a decent motel anywhere near the bus station? I don't really know that part of town very well.
I'm sorry.
Do you want to use my phone? Are you sure it isn't too much trouble? Come on in, it's fine.
I'm Suzanne Steele, this is my daughter, Erica.
Hi.
Can I get you anything to drink? Would you like coffee, water, soda? Coffee would be great.
- Anything you have will be fine.
- Okay.
There's a phone book in the table right there.
Mom, I don't feel right about being here.
Oh, honey, we've come this far.
We can't back out now.
Listen, just do exactly what we talked about on the bus.
We'll get through this, I promise.
- Cream and sugar? - That will be fine.
I'll get it.
- Is that the shuttle? - No, it's King Kamehameha.
- Of course, it's the shuttle.
- Oh, God.
- Do you have the tickets? - Right here.
Well, Kaanapali Beach, here we come.
Hi, I was just in the neighborhood, I thought I'd drop by and see how you're all doing.
We'll be doing a lot better if we can finally get to the airport.
Oh, that's right.
You're supposed to be going to Hawaii.
And I think our van has just pulled up.
Yup, I'll get the bags.
Brandon, before you do that, can I just talk to you real quick? - Sure, come on.
- Thanks.
So, what's up? I was hoping you could give me some ecumenical advice.
Jesse invited me to go with his family to midnight Mass which I'm sure, will be fascinating.
But the truth is I have never stepped foot inside of a church, let alone on Christmas Eve.
So I was hoping that you could tell me exactly what takes place at a midnight Mass on Christmas Eve in a Catholic church.
I don't know, you could call the Vatican hotline and ask them.
- Oh, you're a lot of help.
- I'm also a Presbyterian.
I've never been inside a Catholic church either.
But I'm sure it'll be very interesting.
You don't happen to have the number for the Vatican hotline, do you? Merry Christmas, chief.
Happy Hanukkah.
- Want some more orange juice? - Help! Help! Help! Well, we better be going or you're never gonna get down to Mexico.
That's the funny thing about Mexico.
It's been there awhile, it will probably be there tomorrow.
You know, I can't get over how much you look like your father.
From the way you say that, you must've known him well.
Well, it was a long time ago.
He liked to take me on business trips.
I see, sort of like a traveling companion.
And from a sassy kid right off the farm, it was quite a thrill seeing places like Hong Kong, Jamaica Your father meant a lot to me.
Well, I can see why.
You were obviously well taken care of.
And I know he liked to light your cigarettes, that kind of thing.
Please, don't be offended by that.
It's just that Jack's been dead for over a year now, and that seems an awful long time for someone to pay their condolences.
I wanted to get in touch with you the moment I heard about Jack's death.
But the truth is, I just didn't know what to say.
And then it started to rain I realize how distracting the pitter-patter of raindrops can be.
If you lived on the banks of the Mississippi like we did, and lost everything you had in the world in the flood like we did, I seriously doubt you'd be making jokes about the rain.
You know, the only reason I bothered to get in touch with you in the first place was I promised my daughter I'd take her to Disneyland for a couple of days to help her forget that she's been living in a Red Cross shelter for the last six months.
Thanks so much for the coffee.
We don't wanna put you out any longer than we already have.
Let her sleep.
I'll get you a blanket.
Oh, thank you.
Yes, you know you're traveling in first class when they bring you your macadamia nuts before you even take off.
You know, I could ask the flight attendant to bring you a bottle of Xanax.
Brandon, it's gonna be a very long flight unless you stop teasing me.
I just never knew you had a phobia about flying, that's all.
- I'm your brother - Bran, I do not have a phobia.
I just don't like taking off or landing.
That's a phobia.
I like this.
I think your mother's finally learned to enjoy the good life.
I've always been able to enjoy the good life.
I just never have felt comfortable in the role of the Beverly Hills society matron.
Except that time that you came to the boutique dressed up like Zsa Zsa Gabor.
I don't think I know about this.
- It was Mom's finest hour.
- Well, what happened? Well, basically, when Brenda was working at that boutique, her boss was ripping off her commissions.
And treating me like dirt.
So we decided to teach her a lesson.
No, I mean, it isn't you.
And I'm wondering if I need all those blouses.
I don't know, you just have such good taste.
Why don't you leave there whatever you don't want and I'll have the girl put them away for you? And I really don't need the scarves or the shoes.
- You don't? - No, I don't.
No scarves, no shoes, no hundred-dollar wrinkle creams.
And I really don't need you telling me how much you love my good taste, or how happy this will make me, or how great I'll look, or how much I deserve this, or how much I deserve that.
And most of all, I really don't need you kissing my butt to pad your commission while you treat your employees badly.
Isn't that a great story? Yup, it was so good you didn't even notice we took off.
- No way.
- Hey, look, I think that's our house.
Just kidding, sit down.
Yoo-hoo.
Donna.
Face it, there is no way out.
You are trapped.
Yeah, I guess I am.
Merry Christmas.
Let's go.
These candies are good.
Want some? You unwrapped all of Dylan's presents? No, just this one.
I was hungry.
Well, I bet there'll be lots of yummies at Mel's party.
Are you sure you don't wanna come with us? Donna, would you give it a rest already? What was your professor saying about people being depressed during the holidays? Jeez.
Good idea, Ernie, a toast.
To my big brother, Jordan, the richest man in town.
Suzanne.
Let her sleep.
I feel very badly.
I mean, first, we barge in on you, and now we're sabotaging your travel plans.
Don't worry about it.
It's not a problem.
I'll get there eventually.
But tonight, I think you guys should stay here.
Oh, no, we couldn't put you out like that.
No, of course you could.
It's not a problem at all.
In a while, I'll go down the canyon, get us some dinner No, no, Dylan Come on, you can't come to L.
A.
And not have a megaburger, trust me.
You're very generous.
Well, you know what they say.
Like father, like son.
Must be kind of a family thing.
Sort of like mother, like daughter.
You've got a beautiful kid there.
I don't know where I'd be without her.
Suzanne, let me ask you something, and I don't mean to pry, but what about Erica's father? Did he just leave you hanging or what? Well, you could say that.
He died last year.
I'm so sorry.
- Were they close? - No.
It's what the world needs, another absentee father.
I gotta tell you, I was gonna slam the door right in your face.
And I would have, but I looked at that little girl and something special happened.
Did I say something? Jack was her father, Dylan.
What? Jack was her father.
Erica is your sister.
We seem to be passing through a little rough patch, folks.
So if you're not moving around the cabin, you might wanna stay buckled up.
Looking a little shaky there, Island Man? I think I just ate a few too many macadamia nuts.
But thank you for your concern.
Well, I have been reading this brochure from the hotel.
We can take a luxury Watsu water treatment at the spa.
But they do have one rule.
Guests are not allowed to study for finals while using the facilities, sorry.
That's why I'm trying to get through this book before we get there.
Brandon, when exactly did you start becoming so compulsive - about school? - I am not compulsive.
It's just after midterms, I figured I had a good shot at getting straight A's this semester, that's all.
You sound like Andrea.
What are you saying? I've become too studious? No, not really.
But you are saying I've changed a lot.
Brandon, I think all of us have changed a lot this year.
All except one.
Nat, why is it every Christmas there's always something major going on in my life? Two years ago, I ran away on a bus to New Mexico to try and find my birth mother.
Turns out, she's dead.
Last year, I break into the school trying to change my grades, I almost get expelled.
Are you telling me you're in the same kind of hot water again? It ain't pretty, Nat.
I got busted breaking into a professor's office.
Oh, Steve.
It was a fraternity prank.
Come on, it's all part of hazing.
Fortunately, the professor's gonna step up to the plate and the school's not gonna press charges.
Oh, so, what's the problem? I think one of my fraternity brothers set me up.
So find a new fraternity.
My father was a KEG president.
If I disown them, he'll disown me.
Well, you just have to come clean with your dad.
Thanks, Nat.
I was hoping for something a little more illuminating from you.
Merry Christmas.
I say we just pick up where we left off.
No, David, I don't think so.
Donna, let me spend the night.
How often are both your parents out of town? No.
Oh, it's too soon, I can see that.
No, I'm not gonna do that with anybody.
You mean, ever? Want some eggnog? No, thanks, I'm fine.
Get real, David, you're not fine.
I can see it in your face and it really hurts me to see you like this.
Dad, I'm doing the best I can.
I know you are, David, but it's Christmas Eve.
You gotta put this custody business with Jackie out of your mind.
Believe me, the last thing on my mind is your marital problems.
You have gotta try these pizza rolls, they're dee-lish.
No, thanks.
It's your exchange.
Great.
Every holiday, never fails.
Hello, this is Dr.
Silver.
Oh, Mel, look, I'm sorry to bother you but I didn't know who else to call.
Kel, what's wrong? I cracked my tooth open eating a hard piece of candy and my mouth is throbbing.
Look, I know it's Christmas Eve but do you know of a pharmacy or something I can get a prescription? Yeah, sure, get a pen and some paper and I'll tell you what to do.
Hey, Nat.
Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Baja.
Oh, to tell you the truth, Nat, I wish I was.
Yeah, well, your loss is our gain.
Roll up your sleeves and give us a hand getting this stuff ready for tomorrow.
I can't, Nat.
Oh, come on, Dylan.
You're always saying how much you wanna help the homeless.
Now I'm giving you a chance, and you're flaking out on me.
Listen, I already tried to help two lost souls today, okay? I don't know if they're scamming me.
But this woman shows up on my doorstep, claims she's the mother of Jack McKay's long-lost daughter.
- What? - Yeah.
I told them I'd get them something to eat.
Will you fix me some of this stuff up quick? Yeah, sure.
Now I know what people mean by fruitcakes at Christmas.
She's hustling me.
I can feel it.
Dylan, I don't know what's going on with this woman.
But if there's ever one night of the year that you can give a stranger a benefit of the doubt, this has gotta be it.
Just a minute.
Merry Christmas.
It's too much, isn't it? - Well - It's okay, come on in, I'm sorry.
You see, it's just that in synagogue, we're supposed to cover our heads during services.
We wear bonnets too, mostly at Easter.
I forgot.
What about the gloves? What about them? Should I take them off? Oh, only while taking communion.
- Communion? - Oh, sure.
Sure, first, the priest is gonna take your confession, then you'll decide to become a nun, you'll move to a third world Okay, all right.
Okay, I'm being an idiot.
No, I understand.
You've never been to midnight Mass before.
- You don't know what to expect.
- Exactly.
I mean, it's not like I'm being prejudiced, it's just Well, there is no Baby Jesus in Judaism.
Well, as a former altar boy, my advice is not to dwell on the religious nature of the service.
But try to focus on the distinct possibility that for one, brief, shining moment, there actually could be peace on Earth and goodwill to man.
I love you.
I love you too.
I don't know why I get so wound up.
- Oh, I do.
- Why? My whole family's gonna be there.
I forgot.
Okay.
- That's it? - For now.
In about two weeks, we'll fit you with a permanent crown.
So does this mean I have bad teeth? No, it means you have bad eating habits.
I sound just like your mom, don't I? Now, she has good teeth.
Your mom.
With everything that's going on, for you to leave your own party on Christmas Eve has to be the nicest Kel, I may have been a lousy husband, but I'm a very good dentist.
And when all is said and done, I'm not a bad father either.
Mel, I really tried to talk her out of bringing this lawsuit against you, - I did, but - It's okay.
I'm not angry at you.
I'm not even angry at her anymore.
I save my contempt for her lawyer and for me.
Kel, if I could turn back the clock and start over, I would.
But I can't.
And she'll never forgive me for it.
She even got a new dentist.
I do miss you, Mel.
Not too tight.
Be careful.
Oh, honey, did you want a blanket? No, thanks.
I think I'm gonna stay up and watch the movie.
Well, wake me when we get there.
- Dad, do you want a cappuccino? - No, thanks, hon.
- Brandon? - I'll take an Irish coffee, please.
That, you're gonna have to get yourself.
Okay, I'll have a cappuccino.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is going to sound a lot worse than it is, but the computer that controls our landing gear has gone down on us.
And while we believe that our equipment is still operational, to ensure your safety and for the safety of the aircraft, we've made the decision to return to Los Angeles.
We're sorry for the inconvenience to your travel plans.
But, please, rest assured we have the situation under control.
If they have everything under control, how come we're going back to L.
A? - How's your mouth? - Oh, it's okay, it's a little sore.
Did Mel make it back to the party? He sure did and he said you were an excellent patient.
Why didn't you and David stay? Well, David's still back at the condo.
What happened? Did you guys have a fight? No, no, it's nothing like that.
He just needed some one-on-one time with his father.
And I understand what he's going through.
But he did say he would meet us at the Peach Pit tomorrow.
So let's open our presents, okay? Okay.
Merry Christmas, Donna.
Merry Christmas, Kel.
May I have your attention, please? We're releasing the remainder of our fuel over the ocean in case we have to make a landing without wheels.
This is normal procedure.
Our flight crew will review the evacuation procedures, should the need arise.
- Mom? - Hi, honey.
I fell asleep.
You were tired.
What time is it? - It's late, why don't you just? - Did you tell Dylan about us? Oh, no, Erica, Erica Dylan, this is for you.
Let me wipe the grease off my hands.
It would have been better, but I made it while we were on the bus.
Well, I'll take that into consideration.
I hope you like it.
Do you like it? Sweetly singing o'er the plains And the mountains in reply Echo back their joyous strains Gloria In excelsis deo Gloria In excelsis deo Angels we have heard on high Sweetly singing o'er the plains And the mountains in reply Echo back their joyous strains Gloria In excelsis deo If it's any solace to you all, I've been through this kind of thing before.
Chances are, we just have a burned out bulb on our panel and everything is indeed normal.
He keeps saying that.
Then it must be true.
Yeah, everything's normal except our landing gear is jammed.
I don't buy it.
What? You think they're faking it? No, it's just I'm not ready to check out of here yet.
We're gonna get through this.
We're hanging, Mom.
- I am really scared now.
- Hold on, honey.
Think good thoughts.
Only good thoughts.
I bet they have emergency crews lining the tarmac.
Brandon, think good thoughts, okay? Hold on.
- We are on the ground, folks.
- All right.
- Welcome to Los Angeles.
- We made it.
Piece of cake.
Let's see what we got in the bag of goodies.
Bye.
A Raggedy Ann doll.
You must have been very good this year.
Here you go.
- Nat, where'd you get this guy? - The North Pole.
Are you guys ready for some caroling? I'm gone.
In temple, it is nothing like that.
David, you've been ignoring her all morning.
Yeah, well, in case you haven't noticed, I've been serving meals all morning.
You be nice.
Look, I'm doing the best I can, all right? All right.
You know what else I loved? Most of the Mass was done in Spanish, but at one point, the priest started speaking in Latin.
- Do they do that in your church? - I think so.
After hearing Latin spoken, I don't know how it ever became a dead language.
Donna, are you okay? Doing the best I can.
Oh, here you go.
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, I say, I say.
- Stevie.
- Brando.
Oh, and Brenda and Cindy and Jim.
We come as a matched set, you know? Hey, what did you guys do? Miss your plane? - I wish.
- No, the plane had engine trouble.
So it had to turn back, and we landed in L.
A.
And rather than get on another plane, we decided to spend Christmas on the mainland.
Well, you're just in time for singing.
Oh, yeah.
- We should've rented a canoe.
- Oh, come on, Brando.
You got a good set of pipes, join us.
- Hi, Andrea.
- Merry Christmas.
- How are you? - Good.
- Hi.
- Hi, Don.
- Hey.
- Hi.
All right, everyone, if you can sing, if you can remember the words Sweetie, if we're gonna get to Disneyland, we've gotta go.
I can't believe Dylan would leave without saying goodbye.
Well, he probably wanted to get an early start.
It's a long way to Mexico.
You should have wrote to him and told him we were coming.
I probably should have.
But at least we got to meet him.
Honey, we can't stay here.
Yeah, let's go.
Hey, look out, make way, the Christmas tree express is coming through, express train.
Oh, would you look at the size of that monster? Is it big enough for you? Do you like that? Tell you what, I got car full of presents.
I got lights, I got decorations, I got flashing candy canes.
And for the grand finale, I got three tickets to Disneyland.
I didn't think I was ever gonna see you again.
Are you kidding? I never had a sister before.
David, you're missing everything.
I just wanna finish up.
- Okay, let me help.
- Donna, Donna.
Just go back with the others, all right? I'll be done in a couple minutes.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
David, don't shut me out.
You can talk to me.
I can't You can't what? Donna, I can't go on like this, all right? Donna, I love you.
You know, I don't even wanna discuss this right now.
It's your birthday, it's Christmas, let's just go out and No.
What are you saying? It's our relationship, it's just not working for me anymore.
Especially the sex part.
I'm sorry, I wanted to wait until after - Just get away from me.
- Donna Please.
This way, we get to spend a traditional Christmas-Eve-day supper in our own home.
Yeah, who wants to rush off to Hawaii anyway? Brandon, are you making fun of me? No, Mom, I would never do that.
As a matter of fact, this is the best Christmas luau you've ever whipped up.
I'm especially fond of your cranberry and poi chutney.
Brandon's on a roll.
Well, I happen to agree with Mom.
I'm glad we decided to take the later flight.
This way we all got to sleep in.
Anything to avoid the flight over the ocean, huh, sis? Brenda, you're not anxious about flying, are you? No, not really.
Mom, would you pass me the sweet potatoes, please? Sure, honey, but first, I would just like to take a moment to give thanks and say how blessed I feel to be spending another Christmas with the people I love most in the world.
Amen.
Sure beats the first Christmas we had here, huh, Mom? What are you talking about? Our first Christmas in California was lovely.
Talk about a selective memory.
Really, Mom, have you completely forgotten what happened that year? It was like a 100 degrees out, we were in the middle of a drought and you were incredibly homesick.
You were none too pleased with the pathetic-looking Christmas tree that Dad and I brought home.
Jim, what happened to the tree? I mean, it's I think the word you're looking for is dead, Mom.
Oh, it's not really dead, it's just kind of wilted.
Oh, yes, it's starting to come back to me.
Do you remember Santa Claus? Oh, who could forget Santa? Where did you ever find that guy anyway? Hey, he found me.
Remember, I was working at that trendy boutique on Robertson with that creep, Deidre, who kicked him out even though he wasn't hurting anyone.
Very funny.
Would you mind leaving, please? Aren't you in need of some Christmas cheer? All I'm in need of is a security guard to keep nutcases like you out of here.
And then the cops started hassling him.
I don't have any ID.
- Where do you live? - North Pole.
Smart.
You got a place to live, pal? - What's going on here? - Don't worry about it.
I know this guy.
You do? Yeah, he's Santa Claus.
And one thing led to another.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Jim Walsh.
- Saint Nick.
- Saint Nick.
Brenda, you can't just bring some strange guy off the street home for dinner.
Why not? Look, it is Christmas and he is Santa Claus.
Well, who knows who's lurking under that beard? My instincts tell me that he's harmless.
Oh, that makes me feel a lot better.
Well, fortunately for us, Santa Claus turned out to be a wonderful person.
You know what I remember most about that guy? The same thing we all remember the most.
You see, for over 40 years, Mrs.
Claus and I lived in a big house high up on a hill.
And she made the most wonderful Christmas dinner.
We had a big tree with loads of presents for lots of little elves.
But the elves grew up and they moved away.
And even though it was only she and Santa left in this big house, she still made the most splendid Christmas dinners.
But last year, Mrs.
Claus died.
And as far as I was concerned, Christmas died with her.
I wanted to pretend that Christmas didn't exist anymore.
But I was beginning to believe the only place Santa belonged in this town was in jail.
Until that girl took in a lonely, old man for dinner.
Hey, Mom, if that's Santa Claus, tell him I can get him a deal on some stuffed reindeer.
- Oh, stop.
- Hey.
When's the shuttle coming to pick us up? Plane doesn't leave for another four hours.
Yeah, ho, ho, ho, and a Merry Christmas.
If it isn't Dylan, what are you, Santa's little helper? Something like that.
Anyway, I bring you presents, all of you.
- Merry Christmas.
- Oh, thank you, Dylan.
Could you give this to Iris when you get to Maui? I'd be happy to.
I can't wait to see her.
So where are you gonna spend the holidays, son? Oh, thanks, bro.
I'm going to Baja.
Baja California.
Favorite recreation spot of Brenda Walsh.
Thank you.
Dylan, sit down and join us, please, as we take another long trip down memory lane.
Let's not and say we did.
There you go.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
I bid you adieu, have a great trip and I'll see you later.
Oh, won't you sit down and eat with us? No, I can't.
I got one more stop to make.
But you know what, Cind, do yourself a favor.
When you get to Maui, it's so beautiful, you're gonna sit there, look out over the volcano, catch one of those sunrises.
You know what I'm saying? - See you.
- Bye.
I didn't know Dylan was such a fool for Christmas.
Yeah, me either.
Now, this one my mom bought in this little, tiny shop right outside of Carmel.
It's the first one from my collection.
Now, these two, they're my favorites.
They're from Belgium and I always hang them right at the top of the tree so they could see the whole world.
Dylan, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Baja by now.
Well, you two are my last stop.
Oh, don't look now but you're standing under the mistletoe.
Well, signed, sealed, delivered.
I'm here, I'm yours.
Go for it, Donna.
Donna, Merry Christmas.
Oh, thank you.
And Donna, happy birthday.
Oh, you Yeah.
Okay, that's good, guys.
Hi.
Hey, little lady, don't you worry about it.
I got a sack full of gifts for you right here and one for your little sister.
That's so sweet.
Erin's out of town with Jackie until New Year's.
But I'll give it to her as soon as she gets back.
I'll be back for New Year's Eve so you don't make any plans.
I wouldn't think of it.
Hey, what's up, Dylan? Silverado, brother, you look like a man on a mission.
Yeah, well, my dad's having some friends over tonight so this is what I'm wearing.
Hey, you look really nice.
- Yeah, you do.
- Thanks.
Listen, I'll be back in a couple hours.
Well, we'll be here.
Great.
Take care of yourself.
Take it easy.
What's wrong with him? Nothing, he's okay.
It's just the whole custody fight.
Been kind of brutal on him.
But, you know, Kelly here could be a big girl, and bury the ax for one evening.
Donna, if I go to Mel's, Jackie's gonna think that I'm on his side.
- Kelly.
- It's a question of loyalty.
And I can't do it.
But you could if you wanted to.
Help.
Hey, give credit where credit is due.
Donna is the master manipulator.
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Oh, I would.
- Sorry, guys, you're on your own.
- Traitor.
Well, ladies, I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to be saying adios for now.
However, I'm under the mistletoe again, so Oh, what a shot, Kel.
- Take it easy, Donna.
- Thank you.
- Have fun.
- But not too much fun.
Hey.
Since you two got back together, he has been a completely different person.
I mean, I've never seen him so upbeat and Christmas-y.
Yeah, I don't know.
Professor Waigner says that a lot of people use the holidays to hide how lonely they really are.
God knows Dylan has enough bad memories about this time of year.
You know, Kel, and I don't mean this as criticism, those psychology classes you've been taking? I think you've been taking them a little too seriously.
I hope you're right.
Thanks for coming.
I never expected to see you here.
Why? Well, because I just figured that That you kind of hated me right about now.
No.
No, I don't hate you, Dad.
But when I think about all the Christmases that I spent alone with the maid while you were off in the Bahamas, or skiing, or somewhere with one of your girlfriends, I guess I finally wanted you to know what it was like to be lonely at Christmas.
Then I remembered how much it hurt.
As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't leave you hanging on Christmas Eve.
Yeah.
Well, you know something, son, I You know, sometimes, I think of this place as like a monastery, and I'm this monk.
Because all I do is think about you, Dylan.
And what a strong son I have who's out there in the world all alone, just like I was.
Dad! Jack! Hi, are you Dylan McKay? I don't know, who's asking? Well, I'm an old friend of your father's.
He said that if I was ever in town, I should look you up.
He's dead.
I'm sorry.
We've caught you at a bad time, haven't we? Sort of, yeah, I need to get out of here right now.
Well, we won't bother you, then.
But would you happen to know of a decent motel anywhere near the bus station? I don't really know that part of town very well.
I'm sorry.
Do you want to use my phone? Are you sure it isn't too much trouble? Come on in, it's fine.
I'm Suzanne Steele, this is my daughter, Erica.
Hi.
Can I get you anything to drink? Would you like coffee, water, soda? Coffee would be great.
- Anything you have will be fine.
- Okay.
There's a phone book in the table right there.
Mom, I don't feel right about being here.
Oh, honey, we've come this far.
We can't back out now.
Listen, just do exactly what we talked about on the bus.
We'll get through this, I promise.
- Cream and sugar? - That will be fine.
I'll get it.
- Is that the shuttle? - No, it's King Kamehameha.
- Of course, it's the shuttle.
- Oh, God.
- Do you have the tickets? - Right here.
Well, Kaanapali Beach, here we come.
Hi, I was just in the neighborhood, I thought I'd drop by and see how you're all doing.
We'll be doing a lot better if we can finally get to the airport.
Oh, that's right.
You're supposed to be going to Hawaii.
And I think our van has just pulled up.
Yup, I'll get the bags.
Brandon, before you do that, can I just talk to you real quick? - Sure, come on.
- Thanks.
So, what's up? I was hoping you could give me some ecumenical advice.
Jesse invited me to go with his family to midnight Mass which I'm sure, will be fascinating.
But the truth is I have never stepped foot inside of a church, let alone on Christmas Eve.
So I was hoping that you could tell me exactly what takes place at a midnight Mass on Christmas Eve in a Catholic church.
I don't know, you could call the Vatican hotline and ask them.
- Oh, you're a lot of help.
- I'm also a Presbyterian.
I've never been inside a Catholic church either.
But I'm sure it'll be very interesting.
You don't happen to have the number for the Vatican hotline, do you? Merry Christmas, chief.
Happy Hanukkah.
- Want some more orange juice? - Help! Help! Help! Well, we better be going or you're never gonna get down to Mexico.
That's the funny thing about Mexico.
It's been there awhile, it will probably be there tomorrow.
You know, I can't get over how much you look like your father.
From the way you say that, you must've known him well.
Well, it was a long time ago.
He liked to take me on business trips.
I see, sort of like a traveling companion.
And from a sassy kid right off the farm, it was quite a thrill seeing places like Hong Kong, Jamaica Your father meant a lot to me.
Well, I can see why.
You were obviously well taken care of.
And I know he liked to light your cigarettes, that kind of thing.
Please, don't be offended by that.
It's just that Jack's been dead for over a year now, and that seems an awful long time for someone to pay their condolences.
I wanted to get in touch with you the moment I heard about Jack's death.
But the truth is, I just didn't know what to say.
And then it started to rain I realize how distracting the pitter-patter of raindrops can be.
If you lived on the banks of the Mississippi like we did, and lost everything you had in the world in the flood like we did, I seriously doubt you'd be making jokes about the rain.
You know, the only reason I bothered to get in touch with you in the first place was I promised my daughter I'd take her to Disneyland for a couple of days to help her forget that she's been living in a Red Cross shelter for the last six months.
Thanks so much for the coffee.
We don't wanna put you out any longer than we already have.
Let her sleep.
I'll get you a blanket.
Oh, thank you.
Yes, you know you're traveling in first class when they bring you your macadamia nuts before you even take off.
You know, I could ask the flight attendant to bring you a bottle of Xanax.
Brandon, it's gonna be a very long flight unless you stop teasing me.
I just never knew you had a phobia about flying, that's all.
- I'm your brother - Bran, I do not have a phobia.
I just don't like taking off or landing.
That's a phobia.
I like this.
I think your mother's finally learned to enjoy the good life.
I've always been able to enjoy the good life.
I just never have felt comfortable in the role of the Beverly Hills society matron.
Except that time that you came to the boutique dressed up like Zsa Zsa Gabor.
I don't think I know about this.
- It was Mom's finest hour.
- Well, what happened? Well, basically, when Brenda was working at that boutique, her boss was ripping off her commissions.
And treating me like dirt.
So we decided to teach her a lesson.
No, I mean, it isn't you.
And I'm wondering if I need all those blouses.
I don't know, you just have such good taste.
Why don't you leave there whatever you don't want and I'll have the girl put them away for you? And I really don't need the scarves or the shoes.
- You don't? - No, I don't.
No scarves, no shoes, no hundred-dollar wrinkle creams.
And I really don't need you telling me how much you love my good taste, or how happy this will make me, or how great I'll look, or how much I deserve this, or how much I deserve that.
And most of all, I really don't need you kissing my butt to pad your commission while you treat your employees badly.
Isn't that a great story? Yup, it was so good you didn't even notice we took off.
- No way.
- Hey, look, I think that's our house.
Just kidding, sit down.
Yoo-hoo.
Donna.
Face it, there is no way out.
You are trapped.
Yeah, I guess I am.
Merry Christmas.
Let's go.
These candies are good.
Want some? You unwrapped all of Dylan's presents? No, just this one.
I was hungry.
Well, I bet there'll be lots of yummies at Mel's party.
Are you sure you don't wanna come with us? Donna, would you give it a rest already? What was your professor saying about people being depressed during the holidays? Jeez.
Good idea, Ernie, a toast.
To my big brother, Jordan, the richest man in town.
Suzanne.
Let her sleep.
I feel very badly.
I mean, first, we barge in on you, and now we're sabotaging your travel plans.
Don't worry about it.
It's not a problem.
I'll get there eventually.
But tonight, I think you guys should stay here.
Oh, no, we couldn't put you out like that.
No, of course you could.
It's not a problem at all.
In a while, I'll go down the canyon, get us some dinner No, no, Dylan Come on, you can't come to L.
A.
And not have a megaburger, trust me.
You're very generous.
Well, you know what they say.
Like father, like son.
Must be kind of a family thing.
Sort of like mother, like daughter.
You've got a beautiful kid there.
I don't know where I'd be without her.
Suzanne, let me ask you something, and I don't mean to pry, but what about Erica's father? Did he just leave you hanging or what? Well, you could say that.
He died last year.
I'm so sorry.
- Were they close? - No.
It's what the world needs, another absentee father.
I gotta tell you, I was gonna slam the door right in your face.
And I would have, but I looked at that little girl and something special happened.
Did I say something? Jack was her father, Dylan.
What? Jack was her father.
Erica is your sister.
We seem to be passing through a little rough patch, folks.
So if you're not moving around the cabin, you might wanna stay buckled up.
Looking a little shaky there, Island Man? I think I just ate a few too many macadamia nuts.
But thank you for your concern.
Well, I have been reading this brochure from the hotel.
We can take a luxury Watsu water treatment at the spa.
But they do have one rule.
Guests are not allowed to study for finals while using the facilities, sorry.
That's why I'm trying to get through this book before we get there.
Brandon, when exactly did you start becoming so compulsive - about school? - I am not compulsive.
It's just after midterms, I figured I had a good shot at getting straight A's this semester, that's all.
You sound like Andrea.
What are you saying? I've become too studious? No, not really.
But you are saying I've changed a lot.
Brandon, I think all of us have changed a lot this year.
All except one.
Nat, why is it every Christmas there's always something major going on in my life? Two years ago, I ran away on a bus to New Mexico to try and find my birth mother.
Turns out, she's dead.
Last year, I break into the school trying to change my grades, I almost get expelled.
Are you telling me you're in the same kind of hot water again? It ain't pretty, Nat.
I got busted breaking into a professor's office.
Oh, Steve.
It was a fraternity prank.
Come on, it's all part of hazing.
Fortunately, the professor's gonna step up to the plate and the school's not gonna press charges.
Oh, so, what's the problem? I think one of my fraternity brothers set me up.
So find a new fraternity.
My father was a KEG president.
If I disown them, he'll disown me.
Well, you just have to come clean with your dad.
Thanks, Nat.
I was hoping for something a little more illuminating from you.
Merry Christmas.
I say we just pick up where we left off.
No, David, I don't think so.
Donna, let me spend the night.
How often are both your parents out of town? No.
Oh, it's too soon, I can see that.
No, I'm not gonna do that with anybody.
You mean, ever? Want some eggnog? No, thanks, I'm fine.
Get real, David, you're not fine.
I can see it in your face and it really hurts me to see you like this.
Dad, I'm doing the best I can.
I know you are, David, but it's Christmas Eve.
You gotta put this custody business with Jackie out of your mind.
Believe me, the last thing on my mind is your marital problems.
You have gotta try these pizza rolls, they're dee-lish.
No, thanks.
It's your exchange.
Great.
Every holiday, never fails.
Hello, this is Dr.
Silver.
Oh, Mel, look, I'm sorry to bother you but I didn't know who else to call.
Kel, what's wrong? I cracked my tooth open eating a hard piece of candy and my mouth is throbbing.
Look, I know it's Christmas Eve but do you know of a pharmacy or something I can get a prescription? Yeah, sure, get a pen and some paper and I'll tell you what to do.
Hey, Nat.
Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Baja.
Oh, to tell you the truth, Nat, I wish I was.
Yeah, well, your loss is our gain.
Roll up your sleeves and give us a hand getting this stuff ready for tomorrow.
I can't, Nat.
Oh, come on, Dylan.
You're always saying how much you wanna help the homeless.
Now I'm giving you a chance, and you're flaking out on me.
Listen, I already tried to help two lost souls today, okay? I don't know if they're scamming me.
But this woman shows up on my doorstep, claims she's the mother of Jack McKay's long-lost daughter.
- What? - Yeah.
I told them I'd get them something to eat.
Will you fix me some of this stuff up quick? Yeah, sure.
Now I know what people mean by fruitcakes at Christmas.
She's hustling me.
I can feel it.
Dylan, I don't know what's going on with this woman.
But if there's ever one night of the year that you can give a stranger a benefit of the doubt, this has gotta be it.
Just a minute.
Merry Christmas.
It's too much, isn't it? - Well - It's okay, come on in, I'm sorry.
You see, it's just that in synagogue, we're supposed to cover our heads during services.
We wear bonnets too, mostly at Easter.
I forgot.
What about the gloves? What about them? Should I take them off? Oh, only while taking communion.
- Communion? - Oh, sure.
Sure, first, the priest is gonna take your confession, then you'll decide to become a nun, you'll move to a third world Okay, all right.
Okay, I'm being an idiot.
No, I understand.
You've never been to midnight Mass before.
- You don't know what to expect.
- Exactly.
I mean, it's not like I'm being prejudiced, it's just Well, there is no Baby Jesus in Judaism.
Well, as a former altar boy, my advice is not to dwell on the religious nature of the service.
But try to focus on the distinct possibility that for one, brief, shining moment, there actually could be peace on Earth and goodwill to man.
I love you.
I love you too.
I don't know why I get so wound up.
- Oh, I do.
- Why? My whole family's gonna be there.
I forgot.
Okay.
- That's it? - For now.
In about two weeks, we'll fit you with a permanent crown.
So does this mean I have bad teeth? No, it means you have bad eating habits.
I sound just like your mom, don't I? Now, she has good teeth.
Your mom.
With everything that's going on, for you to leave your own party on Christmas Eve has to be the nicest Kel, I may have been a lousy husband, but I'm a very good dentist.
And when all is said and done, I'm not a bad father either.
Mel, I really tried to talk her out of bringing this lawsuit against you, - I did, but - It's okay.
I'm not angry at you.
I'm not even angry at her anymore.
I save my contempt for her lawyer and for me.
Kel, if I could turn back the clock and start over, I would.
But I can't.
And she'll never forgive me for it.
She even got a new dentist.
I do miss you, Mel.
Not too tight.
Be careful.
Oh, honey, did you want a blanket? No, thanks.
I think I'm gonna stay up and watch the movie.
Well, wake me when we get there.
- Dad, do you want a cappuccino? - No, thanks, hon.
- Brandon? - I'll take an Irish coffee, please.
That, you're gonna have to get yourself.
Okay, I'll have a cappuccino.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is going to sound a lot worse than it is, but the computer that controls our landing gear has gone down on us.
And while we believe that our equipment is still operational, to ensure your safety and for the safety of the aircraft, we've made the decision to return to Los Angeles.
We're sorry for the inconvenience to your travel plans.
But, please, rest assured we have the situation under control.
If they have everything under control, how come we're going back to L.
A? - How's your mouth? - Oh, it's okay, it's a little sore.
Did Mel make it back to the party? He sure did and he said you were an excellent patient.
Why didn't you and David stay? Well, David's still back at the condo.
What happened? Did you guys have a fight? No, no, it's nothing like that.
He just needed some one-on-one time with his father.
And I understand what he's going through.
But he did say he would meet us at the Peach Pit tomorrow.
So let's open our presents, okay? Okay.
Merry Christmas, Donna.
Merry Christmas, Kel.
May I have your attention, please? We're releasing the remainder of our fuel over the ocean in case we have to make a landing without wheels.
This is normal procedure.
Our flight crew will review the evacuation procedures, should the need arise.
- Mom? - Hi, honey.
I fell asleep.
You were tired.
What time is it? - It's late, why don't you just? - Did you tell Dylan about us? Oh, no, Erica, Erica Dylan, this is for you.
Let me wipe the grease off my hands.
It would have been better, but I made it while we were on the bus.
Well, I'll take that into consideration.
I hope you like it.
Do you like it? Sweetly singing o'er the plains And the mountains in reply Echo back their joyous strains Gloria In excelsis deo Gloria In excelsis deo Angels we have heard on high Sweetly singing o'er the plains And the mountains in reply Echo back their joyous strains Gloria In excelsis deo If it's any solace to you all, I've been through this kind of thing before.
Chances are, we just have a burned out bulb on our panel and everything is indeed normal.
He keeps saying that.
Then it must be true.
Yeah, everything's normal except our landing gear is jammed.
I don't buy it.
What? You think they're faking it? No, it's just I'm not ready to check out of here yet.
We're gonna get through this.
We're hanging, Mom.
- I am really scared now.
- Hold on, honey.
Think good thoughts.
Only good thoughts.
I bet they have emergency crews lining the tarmac.
Brandon, think good thoughts, okay? Hold on.
- We are on the ground, folks.
- All right.
- Welcome to Los Angeles.
- We made it.
Piece of cake.
Let's see what we got in the bag of goodies.
Bye.
A Raggedy Ann doll.
You must have been very good this year.
Here you go.
- Nat, where'd you get this guy? - The North Pole.
Are you guys ready for some caroling? I'm gone.
In temple, it is nothing like that.
David, you've been ignoring her all morning.
Yeah, well, in case you haven't noticed, I've been serving meals all morning.
You be nice.
Look, I'm doing the best I can, all right? All right.
You know what else I loved? Most of the Mass was done in Spanish, but at one point, the priest started speaking in Latin.
- Do they do that in your church? - I think so.
After hearing Latin spoken, I don't know how it ever became a dead language.
Donna, are you okay? Doing the best I can.
Oh, here you go.
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, I say, I say.
- Stevie.
- Brando.
Oh, and Brenda and Cindy and Jim.
We come as a matched set, you know? Hey, what did you guys do? Miss your plane? - I wish.
- No, the plane had engine trouble.
So it had to turn back, and we landed in L.
A.
And rather than get on another plane, we decided to spend Christmas on the mainland.
Well, you're just in time for singing.
Oh, yeah.
- We should've rented a canoe.
- Oh, come on, Brando.
You got a good set of pipes, join us.
- Hi, Andrea.
- Merry Christmas.
- How are you? - Good.
- Hi.
- Hi, Don.
- Hey.
- Hi.
All right, everyone, if you can sing, if you can remember the words Sweetie, if we're gonna get to Disneyland, we've gotta go.
I can't believe Dylan would leave without saying goodbye.
Well, he probably wanted to get an early start.
It's a long way to Mexico.
You should have wrote to him and told him we were coming.
I probably should have.
But at least we got to meet him.
Honey, we can't stay here.
Yeah, let's go.
Hey, look out, make way, the Christmas tree express is coming through, express train.
Oh, would you look at the size of that monster? Is it big enough for you? Do you like that? Tell you what, I got car full of presents.
I got lights, I got decorations, I got flashing candy canes.
And for the grand finale, I got three tickets to Disneyland.
I didn't think I was ever gonna see you again.
Are you kidding? I never had a sister before.
David, you're missing everything.
I just wanna finish up.
- Okay, let me help.
- Donna, Donna.
Just go back with the others, all right? I'll be done in a couple minutes.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
David, don't shut me out.
You can talk to me.
I can't You can't what? Donna, I can't go on like this, all right? Donna, I love you.
You know, I don't even wanna discuss this right now.
It's your birthday, it's Christmas, let's just go out and No.
What are you saying? It's our relationship, it's just not working for me anymore.
Especially the sex part.
I'm sorry, I wanted to wait until after - Just get away from me.
- Donna Please.