In Living Color (1990) s04e15 Episode Script

- How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - In living color - You can do what you wanna do - In living color - Anything you want is up to you - In living color - You for me and me for you - In living color - You can be anything you wanna be - In living color - Let's take a trip and sip on a dream - Yeah - Glide with the guide on a funky scene - All right Here comes another one of those funky,funny mo'money shows A cast for laughsand talented roles And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin'listener It seems you don't believeso you can believe what I convince ya Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy No need to holdyour remote control ChillThis show's got soul All aboard, all aboardThe train never troubles You'd better snuggle upcouple up - On the double-dub-double - Yeah It's hard to believe but someof the best things in life are free So, fellas, grab your girlTell her that you love her 'Cause that's the way you're livin'when you're livin'in living color Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go Hi.
I'm LaToya Jackson.
When I'm not posing nude for Playboy magazine.
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getting plastic surgery and breast implants.
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making a fool of myself with my late-night psychic hotline.
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and going on the talk show circuit with my white manager husband.
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pimping my book about getting abused by my dad.
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I'm taking care of my brother Michael.
Here he is, after his latest plastic surgery operation.
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and we'll be unveiling him live on Fox TV tonight.
Say hello, Michael.
Hi, everyone.
This is gonna be my last operation ever.
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.
I just know it.
Hee, hee While we're unwrapping Michael, take a look at this.
Mom! Dad! Is anybody home? [Man.]
Macaulay Culkin's at it again, but this time.
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.
- Hey, Macaulay, can I come in and play? - [Screams.]
[Man.]
He's home alone againwith Michael Jackson.
Gee, Michael, I'd like to let you in, but my parents said I couldn't have anyone over.
I sent your parents to the Bahamas.
We've got the whole house to ourselves.
Well, I'm a big star now.
What happens if my career falls apart? - You gonna dump me like Webster? - No, P.
Y.
T.
We can be friends forever.
I'll even let you play with one of my old noses.
Sure.
Okay.
You can come in, I guess.
- [Sizzling.]
- Ow! - Yes! - Hee-hee! Ow! Let me in.
I've got some naked pictures of my sister.
Who doesn't? Why don't you just beat it, Michael? Hey, that sounds like a great idea, Macaulay.
- [Gunshot.]
- Hee-hoo! I'm hurt bad I'm hurt bad Hurt bad Hurt bad - Yes! - Hee-hee, ooh-hoo Come on, Macaulay.
Open up.
I'll let you play with my monkey.
Or better yet, we can blow bubbles.
Okay, Michael.
If you really want to, come on in.
Eeh-hee Eeh-hee-hee - Yes! - Eeh-hee What is this? A Pepsi commercial? I know.
Let's play at my house.
I'll let you play with the Elephant Man.
We can take a nap in my oxygen chamber.
Come on.
Please.
I wanna see you moon-walk.
[Screaming.]
Please, please, please [Man.]
Home Alone Again.
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coming this holiday season.
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to a theater near you.
[Dance Beat.]
[Announcer.]
Are you bored? Nothing to do? Is your family quality time likefamily nap time? Well, wake up! It's time for fun withthe Michael Jackson Potato Head Kit.
[Chuckles.]
That's right.
Capture the many facesof Michael Jackson.
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with the Michael JacksonPotato Head Kit.
Four hundred molded,plastic facial features.
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allow kids to reconstructMichael's ever-changing face.
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after every single one ofhis plastic surgery operations.
I made my MichaelJackson Potato Head look like he looked.
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when he was with theJackson Five, with a strong Afro-American nose.
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and a big 'Fro.
I made my Michael Potato Head into the Michael of April, 1986.
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right before his third nose job.
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but after his extensive cheekbone reconstruction.
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and the cleft added to his chin.
[Announcer.]
Now, keepingthe April 1986 face as it is.
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replace the hairwith hairpiece number 139-D.
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and look who you'vejust made.
It's Michael Jackson'sown idol.
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Diana Ross! Now, just addmole number five-D.
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and you've made Michael'sfabulous sister, Janet.
Take away the nose completely,and you'vejust made LaToya.
Look, everybody! I've made Michael look.
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just like he looked on the front of his Bad album.
That's great, son.
But you know, something's just not quite right.
I know.
[Announcer.]
That's right.
With justan ordinary kitchen vegetable peeler.
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.
you can simulate Michael's chemicalface peel and dermabrasion scrubs.
The only limits areyour family's imagination.
There is no end tothe maxio facialary fun.
The Michael JacksonPotato Head Kit from Dem-Co.
Mashed potato liposuctionaccessory sold separately.
Hi.
We're back.
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and we're about to do the final unveiling.
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of my brother Michael's latest plastic surgery operation.
Drumroll, please.
[Drumroll.]
[Man's Voice.]
It's perfect.
Now do the chest.
Hoo-hoo Hey, he looks better than me.
[Announcer.]
It's time for the celebrity Family Feud.
Let's welcome today'scontestants.
From England,meet the royal family.
Elizabeth, Charles,Di and Fergie, get ready.
And, from Gary, Indiana,theJackson family.
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Joe, LaToya,Tito and Jermaine.
And now, the starof Family Feud, Ray Combs.
[Audience Cheers, Applauds.]
Thank you very much.
Hello to theJacksons.
Welcome to the royal family.
And welcome to the Family Feud.
Hi, everybody.
We're gonna get started by meeting two great families.
Will you welcome the royal family, ladies and gentlemen.
[Applause.]
If you would introduce your team.
- Hi.
I'm Ray Combs.
- Hello.
Yes, of course.
I'm Charles, Prince of Wales.
That's my mummy,the queen of England.
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and that's Diana,the future ex-wife.
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and, uh,fashion-conscious bulimic.
Oh, and, uh, me.
I'm Fergie.
Oh, yes, of course.
I almost didn't recognize you with your top on.
Oh, Charles! Well, it's nice meeting this family.
It's a pleasure to have you on our show representing what probably.
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the best responses could be from 100 average Americans.
Meet your opponents.
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Ladies and gentlemen, theJacksons.
Weighing in at 208 pounds.
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with 72 knockouts.
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all within his own family.
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- will you welcomeJoeJackson.
- Hey.
All right, now.
I'll.
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Joe, who'd you bring with you today? Well, Ray.
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only two of my children have real jobs.
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so I pretty much had my pick.
- Now, I brought along LaToya.
- Hi.
Jermaine.
And this other.
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Uh, what's his name? - Uh, Toty, Toto.
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- T-Tito, Dad.
- Uh, hey, whatever.
- [Combs.]
Welcome, welcome.
Can't think of two better families.
LaToya, what's the deal with that snake? - I like to pose naked with it.
- Isn't it a little bit degrading? Yes, but he gets used to it.
I got a feeling this is gonna be a great feud.
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and I'd like to say, it's time to play the feud.
Let's go, right now.
Heads of the families, join me.
This is great.
The first family to take control of two questions will win this game.
Surveyed 100 parents on this question.
We have placed the top five.
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some big ears.
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top five answers on the board.
Good luck.
Asked 100 parents.
Here's the question.
"What do your kids do that drives you crazy?" - [Jingles.]
- Joe.
Uh.
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bleed on the carpets.
Good answer, Daddy.
Good answer.
Fine answer.
Did it make our survey? - [Buzzer Sounds.]
- Sorry, Joe, it did not.
Any answer gives you control, Prince.
What do you think kids do that drive you crazy? Oh.
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Raise a hubbub.
Oh, good answer! Whoo! Did that make our survey? "To raise a hubbub.
" - [Bell Dings.]
- [Combs.]
You have control! - Naturally.
- [Fergie, Giggling.]
This is fun.
Think of a steal.
I'd like to see you win this thing.
- All right, Fergie? Things that annoy you, kids.
- Yes? Things that annoy kids? Oh, uh.
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Uh, uh, raise a hubbub.
[Laughs.]
Good answer.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- [Combs.]
Unfortunately.
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that little sound means that you cannot give.
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- an answer given by one of your teammates.
- Oh, bog.
That is one strike.
Di, it's up to you.
- Um.
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Uh.
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- Annoying things.
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- your children do.
- Hide your sleeping pills and blades.
- Yes, absolutely! Absolutely! - [Fergie.]
Good answer.
All right, are you rolling with them? "Hide your suicide weapons.
" - [Buzzer Sounds.]
- That is two strikes.
Jacksons, think of a steal.
- It's up to you, Liz, the lovely queen.
- Yes.
- You are a beautiful woman, I might add.
- Thank you very much.
- Have their toes sucked by a Yankee? - Oh, Mum! - Something that your kids do that annoy you.
- Yes, yes, yes.
The queen says she hates it when she has the kids' toes sucked by a Yankee.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- TheJacksons have the chance to steal.
And look at that.
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What a move.
All right, now, give me one answer to helpJoe.
- [Indistinct.]
- Hold on, let me ask the questions.
This is my job, now.
What do kids do that drives you crazy? Or their parents, one answer.
Anything.
[All Shouting.]
Shut the hell up, all of y'all.
- Shut the hell up.
- She said marry their white manager.
Go ahead.
- Joe, you can go with them or you may go on your own.
- Uh.
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The question was, "What do kids do that drive you crazy?" Yeah, looky here, I'm gonna go on my own.
Uh, I would say.
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let the monkey drink out of the toilet.
- No good answer? Good answer? - Good answer! - [Bell Dings.]
- [Jacksons.]
Yeah! You got the bank.
It is unbelievable.
The first bank goes to theJacksons on the steal, but it's not over.
Fergie, LaToya, it's time for another face-off right now.
Here we go! Good luck.
Keep that snake kind of away from me.
Here we go.
This question was asked of 100 people.
[Stammers.]
Keep that snake away from me.
Here we go.
Top five answers.
If you want to put your hand on there, you can.
Good luck.
We asked 100 people this.
The top five answers are there.
- Name a common expression heard around the house.
- Oh! - Fergie.
- "Grab your trousers.
My husband's home.
" - Good answer! - Nice talking to you.
Let's see if that made our survey.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- No! You have a chance here.
Name.
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.
Damn! That snake almost bit me.
Name an answer.
All right.
A common expression heard around the house.
- [Chuckles.]
- Uh.
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"Everybody help Michael find his nose.
" Did that make the survey? - [Bell Dings.]
- [Combs.]
And it made the survey! Wow, did somebody really say that? I was one of the 100 people surveyed.
Think of a steal, royal family.
This is the chance.
Joe, here you go.
I want you to name a common expression heard around the house.
Let me see.
Uh.
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" Why did LaToya write that damn book?" You are rolling if we see.
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"Why did she write the book?" - [Buzzer Sounds.]
- No.
Okay.
Chance for the royal family.
I'm coming on down here now.
Question I want you to answer for me.
Name a common expression heard around the house.
Uh, " Please, Michael, could we go on tour one more time?" Good answer.
Does it keep you rolling? Show it to me.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- I want the royal family to think of a steal.
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because you may havean answer to steal from.
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if there is a third strike, if we don't get an answer from Tattoo.
It's.
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It's Tito, man.
Tito! All right, show me Tito.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- [Combs.]
That is the third strike.
It's still your bank, but you can stay alive and steal it.
- One answer, Queen, to help him.
- Ooh! Ooh! A common expression heard around the home.
What would you say? - "Fetch the boy that ties my laces.
" - Very common, yeah.
- "Fetch the paddle.
I need a spanking.
" - Yes.
Very good.
"I'm far too tired for sex.
" You can go with anything they said, or on your own.
Tell 'em what you really wanted to say.
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but I need an answer, and I need it in three seconds.
- Uh.
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.
Uh.
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- Come on.
"Bring me more desserts and a bucket to vomit in.
" We'll go with that one.
If it's there, you're still alive.
If not, theJacksons have won the game.
Show me vomit.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- TheJacksons have won this game.
They've stolen it from the royal family.
And what is the charity you've decided to play for? - Oh, my man Tito's career.
- All right, that's it.
All right, while the family gets ready.
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LaToya, it's time for the bonus round.
Come on up here.
Just keep your snake back.
Good luck as we place 20 seconds on that clock.
Good luck.
We asked 100 people.
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I didn't know if that was the snake or not.
Here's the five questions.
Name something you do before bedtime.
- Uh, let the llama out.
- Let me see if it's on the survey.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- [Combs.]
No.
That is one.
Number two.
Name something made of synthetics.
- My breasts! - Good answer.
- Let me see.
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.
Yes! It's there! - [Bell Dings.]
Something that you see in a magazine.
My breasts! Show me your breasts.
- [Bell Dings.]
- Yes! It is there! Name something on your chest.
- Uh.
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Pass.
- Okay, we can make up for it in the last question.
Something Dad does around the house.
- Beats me.
- All right, let's see.
- Does your father beat you? - [Bell Dings.]
It's there!You have another answer.
I deny that allegation in the strongest possible terms.
I ain't never laid a hand on you.
You better come here.
- I'm gonna whip your ass.
- There's another Family Feud for you.
And I'm Ray Combs saying join us next week.
That's right! The Marquis of Queensbury rules.
Lighten up.
I look forward to seeing you next time.
[Indistinct.]
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you for sticking around with us.
- We got a.
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.
- Shh! Shh! [Indistinct.]
[All Laughing.]
Thanks for hanging out with us tonight.
We got a special treat for you.
Our guests come all the way from Atlanta, Georgia.
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on the Motown recording label.
In the '70s, it was theJacksons.
Then came New Edition.
Then came the Boyz.
Tell 'em who we got here tonight.
- Another Bad Creation.
- No, you gotta look up and tell 'em.
- Okay.
Another Bad Creation.
- Another Bad Creation.
Yo, 1991, A.
B.
C.
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Another Bad Creation.
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kickin' it on In Living Color, so stamp it, you suckers.
- This is for all you ladies.
- [Hip Hop.]
[Rapping.]
See you in the school yard strolling with your teacha The little skirt you played was real fly She turned around and she winked her eye so I Stepped to her like I knew her The Biv is cool but Romell is cooler The bell rang'cause I started to talk She stepped to class And let me hear you say yeah YeahSay yeah Now somebody scream - Yo, Red, where you been? - On the playground you know That's where I saw this cutie This girl was swingin' and she looked so fly On the monkey bars We climbed up to the top and she touched my hand That's when I What's the name of this jam? Come on [Continues.]
And I want to get to know you better lesha you know I want you so bad And there's nothin' anyone can do To keep me away from you Ronnie, Ronnie with your mike [Indistinct.]
What's he gonna do? I don't know, Da I only got one more rap and I'm gonna see what happens - Here we go - Threw down my books went up to the door Pressed the bell What was in store? - lesha came out with a smile - Oh no She ain't worth my while so I passed her a lollipop and a letter Told her so let's keep this a secret - All right remember, lesha - Baby [Ends.]