Everybody Loves Raymond s04e16 Episode Script

- That was really a great dinner, huh? - Yeah yeah.
- Happy anniversary.
- Oh.
- Hey, you know what I was thinking? - Hmm? Since this is our 10th anniversary, why don't we let the kids stay at Grandma's and Grandpa's all night? If you know what I mean.
Hey hey, we could watch our wedding video.
- I guess you don't know what I mean.
- No! - Come on, come on.
- Why why why? Well, for one thing, watching our wedding video might make tonight seem like our honeymoon.
Gimme! Sit down.
You don't know how to use this.
You never did, really.
Can we fast forward through the chicken dance, please? Unless this turned you on.
You can save that for later.
See, I love this.
Isn't this romantic? - Yeah yeah yeah.
- Right.
- Oh, look who I get.
- Oh - What, did you hit something? - I know - Did you hit something? - No no, it's still going.
Then why am I seeing football? - I-I don't know.
- Where did our wedding go? - Something must be wrong here.
- Oh my God! You taped football over my wedding! - All right, please - What did you do, Ray? - What the hell did you do!? - No, come on.
Don't get excited.
Wait wait wait What? It's football! It's still football, Ray! - But it's the Bills-Giants Super Bowl.
- I don't care.
You give me that.
Oh my God, look at this! My God, it's the whole thing, Ray! The kids must have done that.
Oh right, the kids taped football, Ray! The last thing they put in the VCR was lemon chicken! See, I'd never do that, because I love your lemon Shut up! I want my wedding! This is football! Could we just stay calm? No, you give me my wedding back! I don't know what happened.
I guess the tape wasn't marked correctly.
The tape wasn't marked correctly.
You don't think the tape was marked correctly.
What is this Ray? What is this big white label that says, "Our Wedding," in gold trim? - Did it always say that? - Why would you use this tape? I don't know, the game it was nine years ago.
Maybe, you know, the guys might have been over, if the game was getting good, somebody said, "Hey, you should be taping this!" And you know me, I'm just trying to be a good host.
I said, "Hey that's a good idea, someone else.
" Hey, you know something? I have an idea.
Next time, if you have something on tape that you like and you wanna save it, you see the tab right there? You just pop it out.
You pop the tab out.
And then the machine knows, "Oh, you must really like that.
I won't tape over it.
I won't!" You just pop it out.
You pop the tab out.
Okay, well, 10 years, that's enough.
Raymond! Oh, good morning.
- Everything all right, dear? - Yeah.
Yeah, just the, uh, the anniversary thing was so exciting.
You know, I I need a break.
That's all.
Eggs, Marie.
Scrambled.
And they've been looking a little pale lately.
Stop holding back on the yolks.
- I'm not holding back.
- I'm on to you.
Daddy wants his yolks! You get every yolk, Frank.
What possible reason would I have for prolonging your life? Is, uh, Robert up yet? You mean Hopalong? He was gored by a bull, Frank.
He can't help it.
When is he gonna get rid of that walker? I mean, I got stuck behind him twice today the stairs and the bathroom.
Thank for shoving past me on the steps, Dad.
You were in the fast lane.
Get over to the right.
Robert, did you find them? Bad news, Ray.
The guy's in prison.
- Prison? - Who? Who's in prison? James Lemus, the guy who videoed Ray's wedding.
He went from doing wedding videos to honeymoon videos without the consent of the honeymooners.
What about his old tapes? I gotta get my original.
All gone, Raymond.
Impounded and destroyed.
Okay then.
Mom, can I live here? Of course you can, dear.
What did Debra do? She was having a bad reaction to me accidentally taping over our wedding video.
Oh my God! Holy crap! I don't understand.
What would you tape over your wedding? - Football.
- Sports? - Sports?! - It was the Super Bowl, Ma.
It doesn't matter if it was the Super-Duper-Bowl, it's still sports! I know.
Hey, good work, Ray.
Now when some broad starts yapping, "You're never romantic," guys everywhere can say, "Hey, you think I'm bad? At least I didn't pull a Ray Barone!" I must say I'm surprised, Raymond.
You're not usually so thoughtless and inconsiderate.
He gets this from you, Frank.
At least I didn't pull a Ray Barone! All right, I'll see ya.
- Where are you going? - I don't know.
Maybe walk by the river.
You have to make this right, Raymond.
Well, the tape's gone, Ma.
What do you want me to do, staple our wedding photos together and make a flip book? I'll tell you what I would like if I were Debra.
I'd like it if you were Debra.
Oh, Frank.
What what, tell me, Ma, what? Renew your wedding vows.
Yeah, then you could videotape that.
That's a great idea, Ma.
Hey, reenactment.
That's just what my Civil War buddies do.
What your Civil War buddies do is get drunk and pee outside.
- You know what the Southerners do? - Oh, stop it, Frank.
We're talking about a beautiful thing, a wedding! A renewal of commitment and love, Frank.
Love! You understand love? By all means, Ray.
Hurry up and renew this.
I don't know, Ma.
It all seems kind of You have taken Debra's wedding away! And no matter what people may say about her, she's still a woman.
And you don't take that away from a woman.
- Yeah.
- The only thing you need to worry about is if she ever forgives you for what you've done.
Well, I I guess she'll like it, but I don't know anything about this renewal stuff.
Leave it all to me.
I'll handle all the arrangements.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Yes, I would to that.
Okay, all right.
Oh, Marie, I would like to renew my breakfast order.
Eggs! Oh, good.
I'm glad you're up.
I got some good news, and I got some bad news.
The bad news is that if you like being mad at me, you're out of luck, milady! The good news is I couldn't get the tape back.
Which I know sounds like bad news.
But actually is good news because if that tape existed, we wouldn't be able to get married again! What are you doing? I've been I've been thinking about it all night.
Let's renew our vows.
What? Look, I took your wedding away from you, and-and and I know you're a woman, and you don't take that away from a woman.
So let me give it back to you.
You know, just forget it, Ray.
The tape is gone.
I'll get over it.
I know you will, but this will be faster.
Come on, let's do this.
I feel bad.
I was thoughtless, and-and careless, and I wanna make it up to you.
And it's our 10th anniversary, we should do something special.
We'll invite friends over, we'll get dressed up, have music and flowers.
Oh, you won't have to do a thing.
And a priest.
We'll get one of those.
And we'll write new vows.
Then we'll videotape those and we'll pop the tab out of that right away.
I just wanna do this, because because.
I had a good idea? It's wonderful, Ray.
I mean, you would really get up in front of people and recite new vows? Sure, yeah yeah.
Good.
This is good.
- I'm so glad you're happy.
- You know what? - I just thought of something.
- What? Your mom is gonna want to plan the whole thing.
And that would be bad? - Ray - Yeah, I know it's bad.
So you're doing this all yourself, huh, Ray? Yeah, Debra wants me to.
It doesn't count unless I go through hell.
Stupid.
Stupid renewal.
So what do you got so far? I'm working on a motif.
Oh, a motif.
How fancy.
Yeah, they talk about it in here.
Where did you get all these wedding magazines? From the newsstand.
It was so embarrassing.
I had to buy some porn just to even it out.
"The best weddings have a centralized theme.
" Hey, you know what would be great? Cupid.
Cupid? Yeah yeah, it's a little naked angel.
You know, he shoots you.
It's cute.
- That's a horrible motif.
- What? It's perfect.
He could be flying around the room.
You know what you could do? You could dress up the twins.
- You put little wings on them - All right, stop it! No, it's not gonna be Cupid! That's lame.
All right, so what's your brilliant idea? An English garden.
- English garden? - That's right, yeah.
Woo-hoo! Party! English garden! Hey, it's classy, you Neanderthal! "It brings sophistication and elegance to any party.
" Okay? What does Cupid bring? A bow and arrow and a bare ass.
Okay, great.
It goes with my whole idea of a Sunday tea.
What do you mean tea, there's no dinner? No it's a tea.
That's it.
There's gonna be hors d'oeuvres.
Okay, so your motif really is "I'm a cheap bastard.
" Hey come on, let's go, let's go, let's move.
Put the game on.
It's almost time.
Hey, you're another two.
Did you get an invitation? - Yeah yeah, I got it.
- Hey, Robert, how's your ass? Upper thigh.
Upper thigh, sure.
Never mind that.
Never mind, are you coming? - If I have to.
- Yes, you have to.
Why don't you renew the bachelor party? You're coming.
- Is there food? - Hors d'oeuvres.
Hors d'oeuvres? I'm out.
Wait a minute, some hors d'oeuvres are good.
What are you planning? Well, a couple of thing, you know, like, uh - I got those chicken-on-a-stick things.
- Ooh, satay.
Hey, could we get those stuffed mushrooms? I don't know.
You like those? You got 'em, I'll eat 'em.
What about for those of us who have a bit of a sweet tooth? And a bit of a fat stomach? I'm gonna go with these chocolate-dipped strawberries.
Chocolate and strawberry, that's an excellent flavor combo! - Yeah.
- Oh my God.
You know what I've seen? The strawberries wearing the little tuxedo shirts.
Come on, really? They don't do that.
Sure they do.
It's dark chocolate all around, with a white chocolate front, little buttons and a bow-tie.
- Really? - That's adorable.
Why don't you three dip each other in chocolate? Hey, what about a little chocolate top hat? - Oh, that's great.
- That's a good idea.
It's like chocolate clothing.
Or, what if we use a different berry? How about a kiwi? - Yeah.
- Ah! Raymond - what is this? - Hey, I need that! What is this? It looks like an invitation to your renewal ceremony.
Yes, that's what it is.
I thought I was supposed to take care of all of this, Raymond? So it that your RSVP? Hey, Gerard, do you know anything else? Okay, go back to the other one.
The other one's better.
Ray.
Ray! Ray! Did you see this? Did you see the strawberries? They have regular ties instead of bow-ties.
Yes, I know.
That's what I ordered.
Well, nobody told me.
Frank, make way for my lasagna.
No no! Mom, I don't need lasagna.
Please, I have hors d'oeuvres.
Well then, why don't I just kill myself? And-and-and where's the florist? I ordered lilies of the valley.
I don't see any lilies of the valley.
I see a pansy-of-the-family.
Oh, funny.
Come on, put that over here.
Raymond? You really have done a wonderful job.
Thank you, Father Hubley.
Looks like a lot of work.
You must have really screwed up.
- Oh, it's pretty.
- Yeah.
Can you believe Daddy pulled this off all by himself? - Yes, I did.
- Yeah.
All right, everybody.
Shall we get started? That's enough, Gerard.
I would like to welcome all of you to Raymond and Debra's beautiful home.
We are gathered here today to witness a renewal of love and commitment between husband and wife.
And in our presence and the sight of God, they will now share vows they each have written.
Go ahead, Raymond.
Ladies first.
All right.
- Debra? - Okay.
Um Well, when Ray first came to me with this idea, I was very touched.
I am really glad to have this chance to tell people how I feel about you.
Oh, boy.
I don't know how well I have always lived up to my vow to love, honor and cherish you.
So just in case I haven't always shown it, I want you to know that I do with all my heart.
I do.
And I wanna add something else to that list.
And that is to thank you for the kids, for your love, for our life together.
I thank you.
Raymond.
Um you're welcome.
Your vows, Raymond.
I am so happy to be here on this occasion.
Love is in the air.
Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.
Okay, I forgot the vows, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you because of that, and because I taped football over our wedding video.
You taped football over your wedding video? Yes, I made a mistake! You said you were going to recite vows to me.
Okay, I know.
But we had your vows, and, oh, they were beautiful, and-and I didn't really hear them all, because I was in my head going, "Idiot idiot idiot.
" But luckily Robert videotaped them and we can enjoy them later.
You never told me to tape it.
Okay, but-but-but honey, look at all the decorating that I did here.
L there's there's stuffed mushrooms here, and there's flowers everywhere.
And there's supposed to be lilies of the valley here.
But the napkins, they match the tablecloth! I did that.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Lilies of the valley? Yeah, that's your favorite flower, right? You remember? Yeah, I ordered them, but the damn florist, he didn't bring it! You remembered my flower.
Kiss the bride.
Kiss her, kiss her now! By the way, if I may ask what game was it? It was the '91 Super Bowl.
Bills and Giants.
Oh, good game.
Good game.
I know, I still have it on tape.
That's not what we're here for.
I'm so excited the famous last-second field goal.
Even though I know what happens, I'm so excited.
Keep it down, my friend.
Keep it down.
This was the greatest moment of my life.
Shut up.
Here it comes.
- I do.
- No! Bring back my Super Bowl! He missed it, all right? We know he missed it.
- We know what happens, all right? - I forgot.
We know how this ends.