Heartbeat (1992) s04e16 Episode Script

1
Heartbeat
Why do you miss when
my baby kisses me?
Heartbeat
Why does a love kiss
stay in my memory? ♪
Hello?
Dad'll carry you, Danny.
Hello, Doctor. Hello Mr. Rowan.
Look, Danny. An Advent calendar.
And there's a picture inside.
Today's a reindeer.
Now, now, come on, Alec.
Let's get him inside
afore it start snowing.
Is it gonna keep snowing, dad?
Aye, I reckon so, lad.
- Really?
- Aye, just for you.
It's gonna be great, Danny.
There you go.
Thanks for getting him
home for Christmas, Doctor.
It'll make all the difference.
I'm afraid it is just for Christmas.
Dad, he's coughing.
I'll wait in the car.
(COUGHS)
I'm all right, Dad.
I told you to not
to get him excited.
Let me have a look.
Get him a drink, will you, love?
He should be fine.
Just get him straight to bed.
His medication's in his bag.
I'll take him up.
Aye, and don't get him going.
I uh
I was hoping he'd be better.
We're doing the best we can.
Aye. Aye, I know, Doctor.
If you can keep him warm,
I think the change'll do him good.
I was reading about
sanatoriums in Switzerland.
They can cure him easily.
Can't we send him there?
In an ideal world, Mr. Parkin.
Not on the National Health.
What sort of money
are we talking about?
Hundreds, I'm afraid.
Might as well be millions.
How can I raise money like that?
Just see those sleigh
bells ding-a-ling
Ring-ding-a-ling-a-ling-doo
Come on, it's lovely weather for
a sleigh ride together with you
Outside the snow is falling and
friends are a-calling for you
Come on, it's lovely weather for
a sleigh ride together with you
Ring-a-ling-a-ling, ding-dong-ding
Our cheeks are nice and rosy,
and comfy and cosy are we ♪
TRUCK DOOR SHUTS
PHONE RINGS
Ooh!
"Aidensfield Police."
It's Lady Whitly. Whitly Hall.
I think I've got intruders.
Ring-a-ling-a-ling, ding-dong-ding
Our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy and cosy are we
We're snuggled up together
like birds of a feather would be
Let's get the road before us
and sing a chorus or two
Come on, it's lovely weather for
a sleigh ride together with you
Ring-a-ling-a-ling, ding-dong-ding
Ring-a-ling-a-ling,
ding-dong-ding ♪
Here, drink this. You'll feel better.
Thank you.
Will you be alright
here on your own?
Oh, yes, I'm used to it.
Anyway, they weren't trying
to get into the house.
- No?
- Oh, no. I know what they were after.
So what about the truck then?
We can't leave it here.
We'll dump it.
Only first, let's get
these unloaded, alright?
Christmas trees?
Yeah, well, they're young fir trees.
They sell them as Christmas trees.
What will they
think of nicking next?
How did you get on
with Lady Whitly?
All right.
Yeah, she's helping you with this
Christmas charity concert, isn't she?
Helping? She's graciously
agreed to be our patron.
But she won't doing anything
that will get her beautiful
manicured nails broken.
Yeah, she has got nice hands.
Her legs ain't too bad, either.
In fact, she's what Phil
might call a cracker.
A cracker? How seasonal.
Oh, sorry, darling.
Did that sting?
I think we'll find a
home for this, son.
Come boy.
Come on.
Now then, George.
When are you gonna get
some new trimmings?
You've been putting
these up since the war.
I bet you've got some for sale.
Funny you should mention that.
Claude, these are up,
and staying up.
If you want that tree
decorated, I'll do it.
But only if I can put you
where the fairy goes!
What are you doing with
the tree anyway, Claude?
Short of company?
Why don't you stick to serving drinks
and leave me to do what I'm good at,
which is helping my mates out.
You can have it for 30 bob.
- I'll give you a quid.
- It's yours.
I'll knock it off your slate.
I thought you might.
Where do you want it?
Stick it in the yard for now.
Well, shove off or
you'll get impaled!
I wouldn't like to think that has
fallen off the back of a lorry.
Oh, give over, Gina.
This is Yorkshire, love,
not darkest Liverpool.
Hey, you'll never
believe what's happened!
What?
Somebody's pinched
my flaming lorry!
Can I help you?
How much are they?
They're one pound each.
Do you want one?
No, thanks.
So now we know, right?
- What?
- How much to charge, stupid.
Here you go, mate.
We could run with
some proper decorations.
What about a mistletoe
over Blaketon's door?
An anvil over Blaketon's
door would do me!
You should see the decorations
over Whitly Hall.
They say that she's quite
decorative and all, Lady Whitly.
Yeah, not half.
Thirty years younger
than Lord Whitly.
And they say that he
died of sheer happiness.
Rowan! My office.
What's this?
It's a hymn book,
you ruddy heathen.
This Christmas tree robbery, Rowan.
Let me get a few things straight.
You got a call from Lady Whitly
while the villains were in her woods.
And yet you still managed
to let them get away.
And you damaged your motorbike.
Well, they almost
ran me down, Sarge.
All the more reason for
you to be out on the case,
not helping Bellamy turn this
station into Santa's grotto.
Now Lady Whitly has
put her faith in us.
She's a Lady and I stress the word.
Living alone in a remote house,
in fear of her life,
I shouldn't wonder.
Well, she seemed alright last night.
Shock. Takes time to set in.
As the Chief Constable pointed
out to the Divisional Inspector,
who pointed it out me.
Chief Constable?
Whose wife pointed it out to him
after she talked to Lady Whitly
at a charity bazaar this morning.
You're not suggesting she should get
preferential treatment, Sergeant?
As you said yourself Rowan,
they tried to run you down.
Now, endangering the life
of a police officer is serious.
- So I suggest
- The first Noel
I suggest some extra
surveillance seems to be in
order. What the!
♪in fields as they lay
(TUNELESSLY) In fields where
they lay keeping their sheep
On a cold winter's
night that was
What's going on, Ventress?
Sorry, Sarge. We're just
doing a couple of things.
Sounds like you're
slaughtering an animal.
Sarge!
It's Dr. Rowan's charity concert
and we're doing a turn.
You'll give folks one
if you sing like that.
Now, get back to work,
the pair of you.
Something amusing you,
is there, Rowan?
No, sarge.
Right then, on your bike.
And make sure Lady Whitly
sees you beavering away.
I don't suppose you'd
care to join us, sarge?
You supposed right.
Ah, just the gentleman
I wanted to see.
Yeah sorry, can't stop.
What do you mean you can't stop?
I pay your wages, you know!
Marvellous, ain't it?
Know why you can't find a
copper when you want one?
You're always in here.
Where do you expect us to be,
Greengrass, the fire station?
I want to report a robbery.
Confession, is it?
It's no laughing matter
you know, Ventress.
Somebody's pinched my lorry.
Who'd want to pinch your lorry?
That is what I want you
to find out, Sherlock.
Isn't it about time you
got some new decorations?
I could do you a job lot at
cost if you're interested.
Hello, there.
How's it going?
Well, we're making enquiries
through the regular suppliers
of Christmas trees.
We'll keep our eyes open,
see if any turn up around here.
How can you tell if
they're my trees?
Well, we can't really.
Not unless you've had "Whitly
Hall" written through them,
like a stick of rock.
Well, I suppose we can hardly expect
you to dust the tree stumps for dabs.
How are you feeling now,
by the way?
Oh, I'm fine, thank you.
Oh, good.
Oh well, keep me informed,
Constable. Thank you.
"Control to Delta Alpha 2-4."
Delta Alpha 2-4 to Control.
What's up, Alf?
"Someone's nicked Greengrass's truck."
Greengrass's truck? You're kidding.
How many hundreds
did the doctor say?
I don't know, but it was too many
if we don't make a start now.
Look, let's try her. Come on.
Excuse me, would you like
to buy a Christmas tree?
Oh, I get mine from the shop, love.
Yeah, but they're a pound in shop.
These are eighteen bob.
Oh, I don't know.
They're our own trees.
And we'll deliver. Please.
Go on, then.
All I can tell you was
that the truck was there
when I put the empties
out about midnight.
Alright, George.
We'll have a word
with your regulars.
See if they noticed anyone
hanging around outside last night.
Right.
That's nice, Gina.
- Do you like it?
- Hmm.
Got it off Claude Greengrass
would you believe?
Really? When was that?
This morning.
I didn't know he was
into this sort of thing.
Nor did I.
But what isn't that one into,
given half the chance?
Can you keep a secret, Danny?
Cross my heart.
We're going to send you to Switzerland.
To a sanatorium.
Isn't that where they put loonies?
Like a loony bin?
No. This is for people like you.
People who can't breathe properly.
You see, the air's
special in Switzerland.
Cause it's the mountains.
And I'm going?
Yeah. But it's still a secret.
Dad mustn't know,
not till we've got enough money.
Is it a lot of money?
Yeah. Look, show him, Ron.
Where did that come from?
Did you rob a bank?
It's Christmas, Danny.
Special things happen at Christmas.
Don't they?
I'll have a blue Christmas
Without you
I'll be so blue
Just thinking about you
Decorations arranged
On a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same, dear
If you're not here with me
And when those blue snowflakes
Start falling ♪
We haven't even had a chance
to go out and build a snowman.
Never mind. It snows all
the time in Switzerland.
I need it now, don't I.
I've got all these birds
to deliver by Christmas.
Nobody wants a turkey
on Boxing Day, you know.
You do Christmas trees as well?
Like the one you flop to the pub.
I let him have it cheap
because he's a mate.
If you want one, you've
got to pay the full whack.
I've got my reputation to consider.
I'm not buying, Claude.
I wanna know where you got it from.
Why do I get the feeling
you're not going to believe
what I'm going to tell you.
Try me.
I found it.
What, in a wood,
attached to its stump?
Very good.
I told you you wouldn't believe me.
I found it by the side of
the road when I were
looking for mushrooms.
In any case, you should
be trying to find my lorry.
I mean, I know it's not worth much
but it's worth a damn sight more
than flaming Christmas tree.
How about 30 Christmas trees?
That's how many were nicked
from Whitly Hall last night.
Well it couldn't have been
me cause I ain't got a lorry.
In any case, I only wish I had
29 more Christmas trees to sell.
Be a sight easier
than plucking this lot.
You better watch out,
you better not cry
You'd better not pout,
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list,
he's checking it twice
He's going to find out
who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town ♪
Pine needles, Rowan?
All over the back
of his truck, sarge.
And what does he has
to say about this?
Citizen Greengrass?
Well, I haven't spoken to him yet.
Just about to have a word.
Well, I've got a better idea.
Why don't you bring him in here
and I'll have a word?
SCREECHING
You're supposed to howl when I play.
Don't turn away from me, Geordie.
You right let me down, Geordie.
You make me feel ashamed.
That was great, Albert.
Thank you very much.
You what?
We were looking for more
comedy and that was inspired.
But it's not meant
to be funny, I hope.
I mean, yon dog,
it's supposed to howl when I play.
Promise you Albert, it's perfect.
You're making fun of me.
No, I'm not.
Ya well, if that's your attitude,
you can stuff your concert.
BARKING
Not now!
Oh, please Albert, don't go.
We need you.
Who's next?
A, b, c, d, e, f, g
h, i, j, k, l, m
n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u
v, w, x, y, z.
Yeah!
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Come on, ladies and gentlemen.
Can I have your attention,
if you please.
Ashfordly market's loss is your gain.
I've got everything you want
for Christmas in here.
Crackers, novelties,
decorations, the lot.
What's going on?
I tell you what's going on.
Cause your husband and his
colleagues can't find my truck,
I can't get to
Ashfordly Market, can I?
You can't do this.
We're trying to put a show together.
I'm sorry, Kate.
I've got a living to earn.
They're half a crown
to you, madam.
Claude, just move.
Alright. If you want to purchase owt,
I'll be setting up in the back room.
- Claude.
- What?
Claude, if I told you I wanted you
to be the star of my concert,
would you help?
What, you mean do a turn?
Well, it's more of a
character part, actually.
Why do I get the feeling I'm not
going to be pleased about this?
Come here.
You've got to be joking.
No, it's very you.
It's not, you know.
It's somebody else.
Please. Just for me.
I'm sorry, Kate. I can't.
Uh, would there be any chance
to borrow the costume for a bit?
You know, just to get
into the character.
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the
mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
Downstairs to have a peep
She thought that I was tucked
up in my bedroom fast asleep
Then I saw Mommy
tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard
so snowy white ♪
Afternoon, Santa.
The elves need you
back at the workshop.
Sergeant Blaketon
wants me to bring you in.
So you better get in.
BOOING
We might as well forget it.
We'll never get enough.
We made 15 quid in a day.
And sold all the trees.
We've nowt left.
So let's get some more.
Come on!
Right, Greengrass. The good
news is we've found your truck.
The bad news is
it contains evidence
of stolen property.
What are you talking about?
Christmas trees.
Like the one you sold to the pub.
Where did you get it?
I told you, I found it!
Found it?
Yeah. In the middle of the road
when I were out with him.
I've already told Rowan.
You don't really expect us to
believe that, do you Greengrass?
Well, coming out with a lie,
it'd be a better one than that.
And what about the pine needles?
What pine needles?
The pine needles PC
Rowan here found
all over the floor of your
truck this afternoon!
I dunno owt about pine needles.
Of course you don't.
No, I don't, but I know one thing.
I know when somebody's trying
to fit me up like you lot are.
KNOCK AT DOOR
Sarge, Nick. Can I have a word?
Parker!
What do you mean, it's not there?
There's no sign of any truck, sarge.
Are you sure you went
to the right place?
Dalby crossroads, right?
Yeah, that's right.
Well, how do you
explain this then, Rowan?
Well, it was definitely there, sarge.
You're telling me a stolen vehicle you
just found has now been nicked again?
A truck belonging to that pain
in the backside in there?
Looks like it, sarge.
Are you going to
tell him or shall I?
Ashfordly Police.
Yes, he is. Hold on.
It's for you.
It's your lady friend.
Still not snowing, Dad.
It will, you'll see.
It's still not Christmas yet, Danny.
Full of snow that sky, I'd say.
Full of it.
If your mother were still alive today,
whatever would she have said, eh?
I told you why we did it, dad.
It's not the point.
Ellie, it's still stealing.
And stealing's wrong.
Right?
There it is.
Right. Well, wait there
a minute, will you?
KNOCKING
That didn't take long, did it?
Bobby's here.
We did it for Danny, Dad.
We know what you're
here for, Mr. Rowan.
We're trying to get some money
to fly Danny to Switzerland.
Your missus says he'll
get better if he went.
They're only bairns, Mr. Rowan.
The fact is a truck's been stolen
and several dozen Christmas trees.
They'll give all the money back.
Can't it stop there?
Well, it's not up to me, I'm afraid.
These crimes have been reported.
It'll have to go further.
I was saving to buy some
presents for them all.
It's the last of my
redundancy money.
They don't deserve it now.
It's all I've got.
Well, we can't take it, Mr. Parkin.
Crimes have been committed,
reports have been made,
forms have been filled in.
It's out of our hands.
I'm sorry.
Rowan.
That's a bit rough, isn't it, sarge?
You know the position, Rowan.
We are here to enforce the law.
To the rich and the poor.
Whatever the time of year.
Everything seems okay.
You're feeling all right?
to go back to the hospital.
Why?
Well, dad spent all his money
on coal to keep the house warm.
And Ellie and Ronnie
are gonna get locked up.
Who told you that?
Nobody, but they won't tell me owt.
So I know it's my fault.
Now, you listen to me, Danny.
Your family love you very much.
And all they want for Christmas
is for you to have a good time.
But I'm just in the way.
Even the snow's gone.
Come here, you big daftie.
If I'd been firmer with
Fred about Switzerland,
none of this would have happened.
But you couldn't have known those
kids would get an idea like that.
Oh, we've got to do something.
You're talking to the bloke who
got booed out of the village today
for nicking Santa.
I've got to stand up in court and give
evidence against those poor kids.
Couldn't we give the money
from the charity concert
to start a fund to help Danny.
That's a good idea.
I'm not sure Blaketon
would see it that way.
In any case, who is the
patron of your show?
Lady Whitly.
And whose trees were stolen?
Can't you get her to
drop the charges?
How?
Charm.
I presume that wouldn't be
too much hardship for you.
And what about the truck?
You can't expect me to
charm Claude Greengrass.
Whatever happened
to Christmas spirit?
It seems to have passed.
Well, at least give it a try!
All right.
I'll go and see her in the morning.
Don't build your hopes up though.
If she had her way, those
kids will be sent to Australia.
That's my man.
And don't forget the butcher.
If you don't pick up the turkey by
lunchtime, he's going to sell it.
Here, two bob.
Two bob?
Cheap at half the price.
Now then, little girl.
Ho, ho, ho.
Would you like to
sit on Santa's knee?
Are you the real Santa?
Would Santa tell you a lie?
No.
Right. Well, come on, sit on my
knee then. There's a good girl.
Right. Now then, little girl,
what would you like for Christmas?
- A bike.
- A bike?!
I told you, you're
not having a bike.
You tell mummy that Santa knows
where he can get one at cost.
She wants a go in your lucky dip.
She'll not find a bike in there.
Come on, look sharp.
We've got shopping to do.
Ooh, look what she's found!
What's this?
I'm not paying two bob
for this piece of old junk.
Uh, it's a lucky dip.
You know, she's just
not been all that lucky.
I want my money back.
I tell you what I'll do.
Have you got fixed up
with your turkey yet?
You what?
I've got some lovely
farmed-fresh ones.
I tell you what. I'll knock the two bob
off the price of a turkey. How's that?
I can't say better than that, can I, eh?
Ho, ho, ho!
Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus
KNOCK AT DOOR
Lay down His sweet head ♪
Oh, hello.
Can I have a word?
Oh, yes, of course. Come in.
This way.
We've recovered half the trees.
And uh here's the
proceeds from the rest.
And what am I supposed to do
with the chopped-down fir trees?
Sell them at Ashfordly Market?
Well, I'm more concerned
about the children.
Exactly.
Today it's my trees and
some poor devil's truck.
Tomorrow, it's hijacking a
train and pinching mailbags.
I don't really think so.
They've got to be taught a lesson.
Well, I think they've already
learned their lesson.
They were trying to raise the
money to help their little brother.
He's been ill in hospital.
And you fell for a
sob story like that?
I'm surprised at you, constable.
I would have thought you were
immuned to hard-lucked stories by now.
I am. I think this
one's a bit different.
And it's Christmas.
If it weren't, they wouldn't
have stolen my trees.
Look, if word gets around
the criminal community
that Lady Whitby's a soft touch
then Christmas trees will
be the least of my worries.
Hang on, where's your two bob?
Ain't got two bob.
Well, if you've not got two bob, you
can't sit on Santa's knee. Get off.
That's not a real reindeer.
Course it's a real reindeer.
It's too small.
Yeah, but it that cause
it's a magic reindeer.
It's small so it can
get in the grotto.
But when it pulls me sled, it
swells up to as big as an elephant.
It's a dog with false antlers.
Hey, hey, hey!
You touch my dog's antlers,
I'll touch your backside with my boot.
You want to arrest him, mister.
He's not a real Santa and
he says he's gonna hit me.
If you come near my house
on Christmas Eve,
I'll get my dad to thump you.
What's to be then, Claude?
False pretences or
threatening a minor?
He wants a slapping.
He's got all the
makings of a Blaketon.
It's gonna cost you more than two
bob to sit on my knee and all.
What do you want Santa
to put in your stocking
apart from a set of
sergeant's stripe.
Well, I thought we might
make a little deal.
I'll forget about this lot,
you forget about the Parkin
kids nicking your truck.
What are you talking about?
I'm just selling a few novelties
and a bit of poultry.
Oh no, what's the time?
Now closing time
according to my clock.
You got any turkeys left?
Only one, but it's
a sixteen-pounder.
Nah, that's too big
for me and Kate.
Well, she's eating
for two, ain't she.
Well, you please yourself.
Take it or leave it, it's all I've got.
How much?
Well, for a mate, two quid.
- So, you're sorry, are you?
- Yeah.
And I supposed your father
sent you here to say that, did he?
No.
And what about your brother.
Isn't he sorry?
Yeah.
Then why isn't he here as well?
Cos he's too scared to.
Oh, I see.
And you aren't scared!
No. A bit.
And I suppose that you think being sorry
makes everything all right again?
You know, life wasn't
always like this for me.
I was one of 12 kids,
not just three like you.
We had nothing.
But we'd never have
dreamt to stealing.
The shame would have
killed our parents.
What does your mother
think about this?
She's dead.
She died having our Danny.
Well, I'm sure she'd want
you to learn a lesson
and that exactly what
you're going to do.
I've said I'm sorry.
What's this?
My dad tried to give it to the police.
but they won't take it.
So I brought it to you.
To pay for all the
trouble you've had.
It's to pay for our presents.
You don't think you're going
to buy your way out of this.
It's everything we've got.
I think you've said
everything you came to say.
Parker! Get the Rolls.
Well, she wouldn't budge an inch.
Reckons it sets a bad example.
You must be losing your touch.
Well, at least Claude is prepared to
forget about the theft of his truck.
So what happens now?
They'll be charged and
go to the juvenile court.
If they're really unlucky,
they'll be sent to approved school.
And probably the question of
whether Fred's got control over them.
He loves those kids.
Just hold onto your report for
another 24 hours, will you?
Did you feel that?
Yeah. Makes a change from it
using my bladder as a trampoline.
You know this gonna be our
last Christmas on our own.
Let's make the most of it, shall we?
Big dinner, put our feet
up in front of the telly.
Did you get the turkey?
Um?
- The turkey.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. It's in the kitchen.
Let's have a look then.
Nick!
I asked for a turkey,
not an ostrich.
Well, that's all right.
We'll get Alf to help us out.
I'll take sandwitches to
work for a couple of days.
A couple of weeks, more like.
Anyway, I don't think I can get
anything that big in the oven.
You see, we're the three kings.
Now, I take the first line,
you take the second line,
and he takes the third line.
Right.
Now
(TUNELESSLY)
We three kings of Orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car.
One on a scooter, blowing
his hooter, following Ringo Starr. ♪
Bring the house down, that.
You're barmy.
And you couldn't carry
a tune in a bucket.
I don't know.
(TUNELESSLY)
O, star of wonder, star of light
Star with royal beauty bright ♪
Sarge, why don't we
do everyone a favour
and lock them in
until after the concert.
Don't tempt me.
Right! Nina and Frederick,
out here, now!
Sorry, sarge.
We needed a bit of practice.
What you need is gagging.
Or earplugs for the audience.
Now, can we get some
work done round here?
Give us a chance, sarge.
It is Christmas.
I am aware of the date, Bellamy.
Just because it's the festive season,
there's no reason to tolerate
caterwauling, muted or otherwise.
Sarge?
What are you doing on the day?
Well, I haven't decided yet.
To me, it's the same as
any other day. Only longer.
Well, if you like, you are more than
welcome to join me and Kate.
We've got a huge turkey.
That's very generous of you, Rowan.
Black tie, I presume?
Eh?
Well, it's Christmas dinner, Rowan.
I like to dress up on
special occasions.
Well, whatever you
feel best in, sarge.
Thanks.
Kate's gonna kill me.
He won't come.
Won't he?
We have got a bit of a
surprise lined up for him.
Oh, yeah?
Trust us, Nick.
Sharing Christmas
dinner with the Rowans
will be the last thing
that's on his mind.
WAILING OF SAW-FIDDLE AND LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
Claude.
I like you to meet Kevin.
He's going to be Santa's little helper.
Oh no, he's not.
He's not the real Santa.
And his reindeer's a dog.
I'm telling me dad.
But he's only pretending
for the little ones.
Nice start, Claude.
Right.
We've made this special
chimney for you to climb into.
- Oh, that'll be good.
- Yeah.
The kids from the village
school are going to sing
"When Santa got
stuck up the chimney".
Good job I think you're
a wonderful person.
Kate! Come here a minute.
- I haven't time.
- Now, come here.
How was the turkey, constable?
Oh yeah, fine, thanks.
Kate swears by that butcher.
Come on.
Here. Careful. Okay?
- Here we go.
- In we go.
- Hello.
- Hello.
There are still some
seats available, Kate?
I'm sure we can find some
somewhere, Lady Whitly.
Oh, please. Call me Janet.
Right.
When Santa got stuck up the
chimney, he began to shout
You girls and boys won't get
any toys if you don't pull me out
My beard is black, there's soot
in my sack, my nose is tickling, too
When Santa got stuck up the
chimney, achoo, achoo, achoo! ♪
KNOCKING
Good grief! It's Freeman,
Hardy and Willis.
I heard you had a
message for me.
I thought you were
one of these?
Er, we had a special guest.
We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy new year ♪
- Graham.
- Hello, Dad.
What are you doing here?
I've come for Christmas.
I hope you don't mind.
Mind? It's great to see you.
These two fixed it up, did they?
Well, I called the station to ask if
you'd mind me coming and uh
Alf sorted it out.
Did you have anything
to do with this, Rowan?
No, sarge.
It's a good job you
got a big turkey.
We're having a slapped-up Christmas
dinner with the Rowans, Graham.
Of course, that's uh, if it's
all right to bring my son?
Of course it is.
The more the merrier.
Great.
Well, I'd best get back.
I'll miss the second half.
I'm singing.
These two need some help.
They need all the help they can get.
I'll see you later.
Not you, Nick Rowan.
I want a word with you.
On the eve before Christmas Day,
when Santa goes for a ride on his sleigh
Into a chimney he
climbed with his sack
But he was so fat,
he couldn't get back
Oh, what a terrible fright!
He stayed up there all night
When Santa got stuck up the
chimney, he began to shout
You girls and boys won't get
any toys if you don't pull me out
My beard is black, there's soot in
my sack, my nose is tickling too
When Santa got stuck up the
chimney, achoo, achoo, achoo!
When Santa got stuck up
the chimney, he began to yell
Oh hurry, please,
it's oh, such a squeeze.
The reindeer's stuck as well
It's cold up there, I'm all washed
out, and Rudolph's nose is blue
When Santa got stuck up the
chimney, achoo, achoo, achoo! ♪
Achoo!
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm sure you'll all agree that
tonight's show has been
absolutely wonderful.
And the proceeds are going
to a very special little boy
who I've gotten to know
rather well this evening.
Danny, take a bow.
Right, son.
I think I've earned a pint.
Come on. Ah!
Oh, oh. Oh, me back!
Oh, I've done me back!
Hello?
Hello! Is anybody there?
Come and give us a hand.
I've done me
Oh, don't just stand there.
If I can be Father Christmas,
you can be Lassie.
Go and fetch help.
Well, we've heard
from the performers
and Dr. Rowan now informs
me it's our turn now.
So, will you please join me in
a chorus of 'White Christmas'.
Thank you, Claire.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the tree tops glisten
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write ♪
Look, Dad!
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung ♪
Hello?!
Is anybody there?
Well, don't just stand there
wagging your tail, go and get help.
Hello!
Hello?
Oh dear, oh dear.
What a way to spend Christmas.
Tiny tots, with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight ♪
Oh! Isn't it beautiful.
- Yeah. Be careful, Kate.
- Look at our house!
So, is she really going to
take them to Switzerland?
Apparently.
What did you do to her?
I thought you said
she wouldn't budge.
Yeah, well, she must have
seen the Spirit of Christmas.
I'm sorry about Blaketon.
So much for being on our own!
If they do the washing up,
I'll forgive you.
I have one question, though,
about that turkey.
- Yeah, well, I missed the butcher.
- Uh huh.
And Claude had one going spare.
Does Sergeant Blaketon know?
What do you think?
Well, you'd better be extra nice to
me between now and Christmas day,
or I might just
forget and let it slip.
Blackmail is a very serious offence.
I'll come quietly, guv.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Heartbeat
Why do you miss when
my baby kisses me?
Heartbeat
Why does a love kiss
stay in my memory?
Riddle dee pat and
sing to me life's story
And bring to me life's glory
Heartbeat
Why do you miss when
my baby kisses me? ♪