Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s04e16 Episode Script

Do you know what I saw yesterday? The silhouette of a woman's knee! How did you control yourself? You must inform your Muslim sisters: no pants in the mosque! I would love to.
If there was anything in the Koran about women and pants! I'm sorry.
I do not listen to women in pants.
Baber, men like you are exactly why women have to wear burkas.
Oh, I listen to women in burkas because they are silent.
Learn from them.
That is so Come on now.
Calm down.
Yes, Rayyan.
Calm down.
Let the men speak.
Amaar! How can you tell me to calm down? I wasn't talking to you.
Exactly, he was talking to the other man.
That's how men speak.
Rationally, calmly, and first.
Thanks for the help.
Rayyan, I was But he did not help you.
Okay, Baber.
I'm sure we can find a way to solve this.
Ohh, yes.
The way you "solved" me out of my radio show.
Or the way you "solved" your way into silencing the conservative voice of this mosque? Maybe we need to "solve" you all the way back to Toronto.
Yikes! Looks like your congregants are all up in arms.
Which wouldn't be a bad thing, but, you know, Muslims.
Arms.
Boom.
Hm.
Don't worry about them.
It's always like this.
It's just a balancing act.
A balancing act? Well, let's hope something doesn't tip the balance.
Season 4 Episode 16 Keeping the Faith Ah, salaam alaikum, Baber.
Walaikum assalaam, Sarah.
What a nice day, Sarah! So good to see you again, Sarah.
Thanks, Baber.
Nice to see you too.
Okay, what just happened? Baber's giving me the silent treatment.
Oh, you're lucky.
How do I get in on that? It's not as good as it sounds.
Ever since I got him kicked off the radio he's been working up his conservative buddies.
Oh, don't worry.
You're not alone.
I know.
That's the hard part.
Rayyan wants me to take him on.
And she's right.
But the timing's not good.
This could get out of hand.
Oh, no.
It's the chili cook-off.
I forgot it was coming up.
The chili cook-off.
Of course.
You guys have won that since forever.
But never without Yasir! I mean, Yasir's the chef.
I'm just his ladle caddy.
So you're not going to enter? Oh, I have to.
The Hamoudis have a title to defend.
I just have to find the right partner.
Oh, you could use Ann.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You have to find somebody who really knows how to cook.
Someone who's lived chili, breathed chili.
Is chili.
You also need someone in two days.
I'll ask Ann.
Well, look-ee here.
If it isn't the pastor of Mercy's most popular house of worship, huh? Well, I'm surprised you noticed.
Oh, you kidding me? You know, it used to be I could stretch out in a pew during mass and catch some zeds.
Ah yes.
You know, I anticipate the day when it's too packed for you to even get in, Fred.
- Aw, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah Your tea, Reverend.
Oh Fatima, you are sweeter than well this honey! And you are a lovely man.
Hmmm.
Who speaks inappropriately.
Do not let it happen again.
Oh.
Mashallah, that is what I call a modest Muslim woman.
Why, because she doesn't wear pants? Do not even get me started on pants.
Oh, I'm sorry.
The last thing I wanted to do is get you worked up.
Too late! Pants are un-Islamic, un-womanly and un-modest! Well, you've done all you can.
That's true.
I have talked and I've talked until Amaar is blue in the ears.
It's too bad you can't, I don't know make a rule banning pants on women.
Ha! Shows what you know.
I am on the board.
We make the rules.
We say jump, they say how high! We say be quiet, and they keep jumping in total silence.
Huh.
Well, sounds like you'll have Amaar jumping in no time.
I just had a very good idea.
No thanks to you.
Oh.
No thanks necessary.
Ann, Ann! Ah, I have a favour to ask you as my nearest and dearest personal friend.
No chili cook-off.
I haven't even asked yet! Sorry.
Go ahead.
Will you be my partner in the chili cook-off? - Sure.
- Really? No! Obviously, I just said I wouldn't.
Oh, can I ask you another question? I'm not going to reconsider.
- Well, just let me ask.
- Fine.
Would you reconsider? - Sure.
- Really? No-o-o! It's not going to happen.
Never, ever will I ever be your partner in any chili cook-off.
Well, well, well.
Hamoudi.
Tupper.
That time of year again.
Chili time.
Oh, big words from a man with a trophy case full of silver medals.
Well, this year that's all going to change, toots.
Thanks to this.
My aunt's famous chili recipe.
She swore she'd take it to her grave with her.
Luckily, I own a shovel.
Kidding.
Huh-huh! Anyhoo, with this little baby I'm going to kick your Muslim butt this year.
Oh, we'll just see about that.
You mean Yasir's ladle caddy is going to take me on solo? Actually she's got a partner.
Chicks cooking chili? Oh, now I've seen everything.
Ann, you're the best! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's just do this thing.
Oh no.
Here they come.
Look, Baber is making ridiculous demands and I don't know what to do.
Hey, Amaar, Amaar, Amaar, relax, relax, relax.
Whenever someone asks for something I can't possibly follow through, I just say "I'll look into it.
" Like when I asked you about the money you owed me? I am looking into that.
Look.
These are complicated interpersonal conflicts.
They're about culture.
They're about faith.
They're not going to get solved by me saying, "I'll look into it"! Amaar, we must speak.
I cannot stop thinking of women's clothing.
You and me both.
You stay out of it.
The true believers are talking.
Either you will enforce a dress code or I shall go to the board and they will.
Baber No ladies pants in the mosque! You are either with us or the highway! Uh Yes, yes, yes.
Even I know that was wrong.
But I was on a roll.
Hm? Amaar.
Baber I I'll look into it? Excellent! That went much better than I thought it would.
It worked! Now about that money you owe me.
The cheque's in the mail.
If we're going to win this, we've got to walk in with a pot of chili that will blow their socks off! How hard can it be? We have the award-winning Hamoudi recipe.
We just need to follow it to the letter.
Which is exactly what we'll do.
Huh.
What's the problem? Yasir's handwriting is terrible.
Okay, "ooiooos".
Okay, you grab the "ooiooos", finely rinsed.
Let me see that.
It says minced.
And Oh "ooiooos".
Oh, onions! - Ah! Yeah, yeah.
- Ooh! This is fun! It's like a puzzle! Where thousands of things can go wrong.
Huh! Okay.
I will show Fred that I can do just fine without Yasir.
Sugar! Uh check.
When he gets a load of my chili he will never call me a ladle caddy again.
- Cinnamon.
- Che - What the hell are we making? - Chili.
With cinnamon and sugar? I'm pretty sure Wait a minute Oh Well, let's start over.
I'll chop up the "ooiooos".
Oh, no.
Move over.
Okay, I'll need pinto beans, I'll need red peppers.
Let mama show you a thing or two about making chili.
Do you know how? Just the beans and the peppers.
That's why I only know a thing or two.
- Ah! You turned it on.
- I'm sorry.
Amaar? I need to talk to you.
Rayyan.
I was expecting you.
I'm sorry I took out my frustration on Baber with you.
Oh.
You are.
Hi, Rayyan.
It's just that, it makes me so mad when men manipulate Islam to justify sexist behaviour.
Like banning pants on women.
Right.
But I know you'd never let him do that.
R- r-right! - Hi, Rayyan.
- In fact, I've been thinking.
Maybe this wouldn't happen if women taught halaqa class.
Oh.
What an, um interesting idea.
Yeah! Because if men are the only ones teaching the lessons of the Koran, how are things ever going to change? And can you imagine the look on Baber's face? I sure can.
- Hi, Rayyan.
- Lucky for me, you are not the kind of imam who is afraid of conservative wing nuts.
Not me.
Certainly not.
Exactly.
And you always do the right thing.
Which is why I know that you'll stand up for the rights of the women in this mosque like you've done countless times before.
I'll look into it.
I knew I could count on you.
Bye, Rayyan.
Man, it's so good to talk to her.
Really? No.
No, no, no, honey, it's going great.
Yeah.
I'll have that medal framed by the time you get back.
How's it coming? Really, really badly.
Okay, one question.
We're just having a little trouble reading your recipe.
So when you say two pounds of chick did you mean chick peas or chick-en? Really? And-and "chuck" is what, exactly? Oh! I thought so, yeah.
He says it's some kind of beef! What? Oh, nothing, nothing.
All right, honey.
I love you.
Bye! Didn't you hear me? He said chuck! Well, it was already open! Okay, is this basil, bubbles or pickle? Don't worry, I already threw in my guess.
So gherkin is wrong, you're saying.
Okay, let's bring on the bubbles.
And Amaar said he'd look into it? Wonderful! Change is finally on its way! And I am this close to teaching halaqa! Amaar said so? He said he'd look into it! - Wonderful! - I know! "I'll look into it" Uh, Fatima, about my bill I had coffee, not tea.
Yes, but the price is the same so it is easier this way.
I have to write fewer letters.
What if someone wanted the correct order on their bill? I would say: "Get out, Reverend".
"Get out, Reverend".
You are the only one that ever asks.
Well, why don't you just say, "I'll look into it"? It's what some people say when they don't want to say no.
Rayyan.
Baber.
You both look furious.
"I'll look into it"? Is it true that this phrase means absolutely nothing? Well, I'm not so sure about Look, I can explain.
Cheque's in the mail? And then? And then Amaar said, "The cheque is in the mail".
We will put his cheque in the mail! You mean pay him? - Of course not.
- Hm.
Interesting.
What do you mean? Your idea to stop paying Amaar.
But if we stop paying him, he won't be our imam.
Right.
And if he wasn't your imam Then we would not have to pay him.
Yes, yes.
I do have a degree in economics.
I know this.
I think what he's saying is, if he doesn't do what we ask as a board, we could threaten to stop paying him! Ah, I see.
But then why would he be our imam? He wouldn't be! Look.
All I'm saying is May I? All I'm saying is, it's interesting.
Your idea.
Yes.
My idea.
Walk me through my idea one more time.
Faisal is a little bit slow.
- Hey! - Hm.
You must listen to us or pay the ultimate price! Which is no pay at all.
- What? - The board has voted.
No pants for women! 'Kay, look.
Everyone here dresses modestly.
- It's unreasonable - Reason is my middle name.
Actually, it is Razeem.
But it's still pretty close, hm? You know what? I'm not going along with this.
You have to.
The board has spoken! And in case you forget, you work for us.
That is completely True.
What can I get you? Today's special is chili.
Ugh.
We also have a vegetarian special.
What's that? Chili.
With no meat.
It costs more because I have to pick out the meat.
I know.
Tough choice.
I will give you a moment.
Sarah, I know this means the world to you, but I think there's a chance we're what's the word? - Doomed? - Yeah.
Well, maybe we still have a chance.
I mean, the turnout for the cook-off is always so low.
Maybe our luck will change! From bad to worse.
Take a look at that sign-up sheet.
Where did all those signatures come from? Oh, the church! Reverend Thorne put it in the bulletin.
And we're going to kick some keister with my recipe.
Yeah, and my fresh ingredients.
- Hamoudi.
- Tupper.
Can't wait for the judge to taste your chili con crappy.
Get it? 'Cause your chili isn't good.
Unlike my dead aunt's recipe.
Don't be too sure, Fred.
My recipe is good.
It's very good.
And when you taste how good it is, you're going to say, "Wow, this is good.
" Strong words, Hamoudi.
Strong repetitive words.
Guess I'll see you on the field of battle then, uh? Oh, what are we going to do? Relax.
And get ready to win.
But our chili is terrible! Let's just say I have a good feeling.
Good feeling? Why do you have a goo You stole Fred's recipe! And stuck him with Yasir's illegible one.
Good luck finding "ooiooos" this time of year! I can't wait to see Tupper's face when we win this competition fair and square.
With the recipe we stole? You're not going to let that go, are you? Okay, maybe it'll be fine.
Maybe the ladies won't notice.
You outlawed pants? You let them outlaw pants? Pants outlawed? Wow.
Well, when in Rome Nate, keep your pants on.
- Rayyan, you know me.
- I thought I did! I'm on your side.
The board voted.
- But it's not right! - It's not right.
But the board makes the rules and apparently they're against pants.
So they push you, and you just fold.
Rayyan.
I report to them.
Not the other way around.
Ugh.
I'm disappointed in you.
Oh, I'm starting to feel really guilty.
I can't believe we stole Fred's recipe.
And then bought the ingredients.
And then made it.
And then brought it here with us.
And then entered it! Do you think we could win? Mmm, his aunt was a genius.
I really should steal more of her stuff.
Ohh.
This is wrong.
I want to win, but not like this.
So, looks like it's just going to be you and me, short stack, huh? As it should be.
Mano a wo-mano.
And let me just say That I don't stand a chance without Yasir? No, no.
Although, yeah.
No, what I wanted to say was, how much I've enjoyed competing with you these past five years.
I hate to admit it, but you've pushed me to become a better cook.
Oh! So, you know - thanks.
- Oh-h.
We need to tell Fred we stole his chili recipe.
And gave him ours? No way! Cheating on an election's one thing.
But cheating at chili? The town would never forgive me.
What a beautiful sign! Of course, it is beautiful.
It is written in the language of the Koran.
And it clearly says, "No women in trousers in the mosque.
" As clear as clear could be.
I wish I read Arabic.
Me too.
Sh.
Salaam, fellas.
How dare you dress like that! Can't you read Arabic? Can you read Arabic? That is so not the point, but - No matter! A rule is a rule.
- Mm-hmm.
And we all know what rules were made for.
You cant - You are the imam.
- Shh.
What are you going to do about this this very bad thing, hm? There's only one thing I can do start my sermon.
Salaam alaikum, everyone! Walaikum assalaam.
Brother Baber.
Please.
Be seated.
Okay.
You distract Fred, and I'll swap his chili with ours.
- What are you doing? - Kissing my dignity good bye.
Oh! Who am I kidding? It's been gone since '83.
- God, that was a good year.
- Get So Fred Hah.
We never talk anymore.
Did we ever? So Fred.
Has anyone ever told you, you've got beautiful eyes? Has anyone ever not told me? Oh, it's a curse, toots.
But these baby blues are limpid sapphires glimmering in the night.
If you say so.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
I know what's going on.
You do? You're falling into the Fred.
Oh, dear God! I mean Maybe I am.
Well, I'm flattered Annie.
But you should probably walk away.
I'm like extra spicy chili, baby.
You play with the Freddy, you get burned.
Well I, just - Thief! Thief! - Fred, Fred, Fred.
I can explain! - Explain what? - Well - How you were driven mad with jealousy? - No! Oh, Fred! Oooh! Oh now, that is good.
And hot.
And how! Ah-h! Thank you for being the best partner I could ever ask for.
But how could we lose? The recipe we gave Fred was terrible.
No, the handwriting was terrible, the recipe was great! Hello, honey! Well, good news! Your recipe won again! Hm-hm-hm-hm! Hmmm.
Now for the bad news, we weren't the ones using it.
I'm sorry.
We lost.
Really? Oh, me too! Okay, I'll call you later.
Bye.
Disappointed? Oh, only because he misses me.
I guess it's more about who you cook with than what you cook.
Aw that's so corny I could puke.
Or maybe I'm just having a reaction to the chili.
- Oh, dear.
- Oh Oh.
Hmm! Ah, there you are! So, why did you not say anything? About what? - Rayyan! - Yeah.
In pants! On the wrong side of the barrier! Okay, look.
Here's what I saw.
I saw devout Muslims praying together.
It was a heart-warming sight.
You mean you're not going to do anything about this? I'm an imam, not a cop.
The committee can pass all rules they want.
It's not my job to enforce them.
D'oh! Can you believe that? I must say I admire Amaar.
Standing up for what he believes.
Oh, I do not! He should be standing up for what we believe in.
What is the point of having rules if he is not going to enforce them? Well, he's an idealist.
He will do what he thinks is right no matter what the consequences.
Ah.
Well, very well.
Then we will show him exactly what the consequences are! - Hm.
- Come.
If you must.
Bye.
Salaam alaikum.
Walaikum assalaam.
The board has met and made a decision.
A decision that concerns you.
I know.
You do not know.
I have not even said it yet.
But I will say it and the thing that I will say is You're fired.
No, you do not fire me.
I fire you! You are fired! Which is what you meant.
Yes, Amaar.
You are fired.