Star Trek: Deep Space Nine s04e16 Episode Script

Department heads prepare reports for tomorrow's briefing.
All hands dismissed.
I'd say that was a successful mission.
Five days in the Gamma Quadrant and no sign of the Jem'Hadar.
Commander during our maneuvers through that asteroid belt on the Kar-telos system I noticed the Defiant felt a little sluggish when turning hard aport.
The inertial dampening generators may need to be realigned.
I'll begin drawing up a schedule immediately.
And while we're at it, we should recalibrate the targeting scanners and check the EPS relays.
O'Brien's going to be a little disappointed.
He thought he finally had the ship running smoothly.
Well, Chief O'Brien has done an excellent job.
This is a fine ship.
But it is my duty to keep her functioning at peek proficiency.
Mister Worf you're in love.
With the Defiant.
You exaggerate as usual.
I feel silly.
I like it.
It shows off your legs.
There you see-- your public has spoken.
Have fun.
What do you call this holosuite program of yours again? The Battle of Clontarf-- you, me and a thousand stalwart lrish warriors against a ravening hoard of Vikings.
It's like the Battle of Britain only with swords.
How come you get to be High King? I am a direct descendant of King Brian Boru.
Besides it's my program.
I suppose that's only fair.
Oh I know exactly how you feel.
The Bajoran Time of Cleansing.
Can someone explain to me why the Bajorans need to abstain from worldly pleasures for an entire month? I mean, it's not like they're a bunch of hedonistic holosuite-obsessed drunkards to begin with.
No use moaning about it.
It hurts.
Who's that for? Me.
It's one of Moogie's home remedies.
Your ear? Again? That's disgusting.
You want to drive away all the rest of my customers? I feel dizzy.
What else is new? Go wait on table seven.
Rom, you look terrible.
I think you better lie down.
I don't pay you to think.
I pay you to spin the dabo wheel.
So get spinning.
But nobody's gambling.
How can they when you're not at the wheel? I really don't feel good.
Can't you see he's sick? He needs to lie down.
Just because you happen to be intimately acquainted with Dr.
Bashir's bedside manner doesn't make you a medical expert.
Brother, am I still standing? What I do during my time off is no business of yours.
If you don't get back to work this instant you're going to have more time off than you know what to do with.
The same goes for you.
Here.
Yes, Brother.
Aren't you going to do something? Of course, I'm going to do something.
I'm going to dock his pay.
Briok, clean up this mess.
Oh Oh, this is one stubborn infection.
How long have you had it? Uh, a couple of weeks.
You mean to tell me you've been walking around with a seeping infection of the tympanic membrane for two weeks? More like three, actually.
Rom! You could have died.
Another 48 hours and you would have been bidding for a new life at the Divine Treasury.
I guess it's a good thing I fainted when I did.
Why didn't you come and see me sooner? I couldn't.
I was busy.
I'm sure your brother could have spared you for half an hour.
It would have been a violation of my contract-- paragraph 76, subsection three.
"Employees of Quark's Bar and Holding Company "are strictly prohibited from leaving the work environment "during business hours "unless ordered to do so by their employer.
"Any failure to comply with this provision will result in severe fines and possible dismissal.
" It's a standard provision in all Ferengi labor contracts.
You mean, you don't get time off even if you're sick? It's all part of our generous employee compensation package.
"No sick days, no vacations no paid overtime.
" It sounds to me like you need a better contract.
There's no such thing.
All Ferengi labor contracts are the same.
Well, that should do it.
But I want you to see me first thing in the morning for a follow-up.
It'll have to be before the bar opens.
What you people need is a union.
A what? You know, a trade guild a collective bargaining association, a union-- something to keep you from being exploited.
You don't understand.
Ferengi workers don't want to stop the exploitation.
We want to find a way to become the exploiters.
Suit yourself.
But I don't see you exploiting anyone.
Rom how'd it go? I'm okay.
Oh.
Julian's a wonderful doctor.
Your brother should have let you see him weeks ago.
It's not Quark's fault that I got sick.
I forgot to get my bimonthly ear scan.
And besides, I've probably been getting too much oo-mox.
Really? Who's the lucky female? No female.
Just me.
I'm sorry.
Sorry enough to do something about it? I don't think Julian would approve.
We could ask him.
All right, everyone gather around.
What now? I have an announcement to make.
I've just been going over today's receipts and it's not good.
The only thing this Bajoran Cleansing Ritual has cleansed is my profit margin.
So, starting tomorrow everyone's salary gets cut by a third.
No, no, that's not fair.
I'll talk to him.
It's either that or fire half the staff.
Don't bother thanking me.
I can't afford a pay cut.
It's either a pay cut or a layoff.
You decide.
All right, everyone, let's get back to work.
I want this place cleaned up and the lights off in ten minutes.
Brother this isn't right.
You can't just cut people's salaries without warning.
Actually, I can.
And I have.
Now, why don't you concentrate on keeping your hands off your lobes and leave the business matters to me.
But once the Cleansing Ritual is over you'll restore everyone's salary, right? That depends on next quarter's fiscal summation.
Brother, I'm asking you as a personal favor to reconsider this pay cut.
Anything for you.
Um There.
I've reconsidered it.
My decision stands.
But, Brother Don't "Brother" me.
In this bar, you're not my brother.
You're my employee.
And employees have no right to question the management's decisions.
I'm warning you.
If you don't rescind the pay cuts you're going to regret it.
The only thing I regret is not being an only child.
You know, I think I'm finally getting the hang of this mek'leth.
Don't you think? It would seem so.
Then why haven't you told me? A Klingon warrior does not need the praise of his teacher.
I'm not a Klingon warrior.
I'm a beautiful and sensitive young woman who thrives on What is it? Listen.
Do not move.
Worf? Isn't this your tooth sharpener? This p'takjust robbed my quarters.
Take him to a holding cell.
I'll need a statement.
And you will have one.
But what I want to know is how such a security breach was allowed to occur in the first place! Unfortunately, these things happen.
They did not happen on the Enterprise.
Really.
Well, let me see.
"Stardate 46235.
7.
"Ferengi privateers, led by DaiMon Lurin, boarded "and seized control of the Enterprise "using two salvaged Klingon birds-of-prey.
"Stardate 45349.
1.
Berlinghoff Rasmussen "a petty criminal impersonating a scientist "committed numerous acts of theft against the crew of the Enterprise.
" Shall I continue? That will not be necessary.
I know these incidents are the exception rather than the rule, but if security breaches Iike these could happen on the flagship of the Federation imagine the difficulty of maintaining security at an open port such as DS9.
I understand.
It is just that I find it irritating.
So do l.
But I'm afraid you're just going to have to get used to it.
Attention, please.
Thank you all for coming.
I know that in the past, I've always defended my brother whenever he's taken a stance that's proven unpopular with the staff.
But I'm not going to do that today.
You're not? No.
I'm not.
Quark's just using the Cleansing Ritual to increase his profits at our expense.
It isn't fair.
And we're not going to take it.
Since when? Since right now.
So what are we going to do about it? We're going to fight back in the only way we can.
We're going to form a a A what? We're going to form a union.
Are you insane? You've just destroyed the lives of every Ferengi in this room.
When the FCA finds out we've even been talking of a a A union.
Don't say that word again.
We're in enough trouble as it is.
The Ferengi Commerce Authority doesn't have to hear about this.
If we all go back to work now no one else has to know this ever happened.
No, no! It's too late for that.
The FCA has ears everywhere.
As soon as their lobes get wind of this we're all doomed! All right! So we're doomed.
FCA liquidators will probably haunt us for the rest of our lives.
But I say if they're going to come after us Iet's give them a good reason.
Every one of you-- Ferengi and non-Ferengi alike-- knows that the way Quark treats us is unfair.
Frool, don't you deserve a day off when your back starts acting up? Well, uh I suppose.
And Grimp wouldn't you like to take a paid vacation? You're being ridiculous.
Answer the question.
It's not going to happen! It won't happen unless you make it happen.
We're Ferengi! And when a Ferengi sees an opportunity what does he do? He seizes it? That's right! And l, for one, intend to grab it.
We've been exploited long enough.
It's time to be strong.
Take control of our lives.
Our dignity and our profits! Yes! Strike a blow against Quark.
Yes.
Strike a blow against the FCA.
Yes! Strike a blow against exploitation! Yes! Are you with me? Yes! Union! Union! Union! Union! Union! What you have there is a sebaceous cyst.
I know it's a cyst, but it's getting bigger.
There's nothing to worry about.
Dermatologically speaking, you're perfectly healthy.
Oh, I'm perfectly healthy except I've got a disgusting cyst on the back of my neck.
Now either I paint a nose, eyes and mouth on it and pretend I've got two heads or you take it off.
Well, I'll get you some paint.
Julian, get it off me! All right, all right.
But you know what they say: Two heads are better than one.
Julian, I'm waiting.
Dr.
Bashir I'm glad you're in.
I need your help.
Is that ear acting up again? My ear's fine.
I need some advice about unions.
Unions.
You said the other day I should form a union, so I did.
Rom, I was speaking theoretically.
And I've put your theory into practice.
All of Quark's employees have joined.
We're going to force Quark to treat us better I hope.
A union, huh? Good for you.
You know about unions? Who do you think led the Pennsylvania coal miners during the anthracite strike of 1902? I have no idea.
Sean Aloysius O'Brien.
I didn't know that.
There's a lot of things about my family you don't know.
were closed and they didn't open again until all the miners' demands were met.
You mean, we should force Quark to close the bar.
Only as a last resort.
If he's reasonable about your requests there's no need to strike.
Quark reasonable? Ha! Unlikely.
You'll have to strike-- mark my words-- and when you do, you'll have to be strong.
Just like Sean O'Brien.
Exactly.
You know, he had the biggest funeral in all of western Pennsylvania.
Funeral? Hmm.
They fished his body out of the Allegheny River a week before the strike ended.
Or was it 34? Well, he died a hero.
He was more than a hero.
He was a union man.
I see the problem now.
You've got a bad ODN relay here.
We'll have to replace the whole unit.
How long will it take? Two to three hours.
But after that, it'll work like a charm.
Until the next time it breaks down.
Well, that's the problem when you combine Cardassian, Bajoran and Federation technology.
None of it was meant to work together.
How do you tolerate working in this environment? Well, it's a lot easier than working on the Enterprise.
Easier? The Enterprise never had these kind of problems.
Tell me about it.
Have you any idea how bored I used to get sitting in the transporter room waiting for something to break down? Here, I've half a dozen new problems every day.
This station needs me.
Oh, do me a favor.
Hand me down the coil spanner? Happy cleansing.
If this is a surprise birthday party you're a month late.
It's not a party.
We're the Guild of Restaurant and Casino Employees and we're here to present our demands.
The Guild of Restaurant and Casino Employees? What's that supposed to be? What does it sound like? It sounds like Iike a union.
Exactly.
So you'd better take our demands seriously.
"Increased pay "Shorter hours Paid sick leave" This is no joke.
Yes, it is.
And the fact that you don't know that it is is what makes it so funny.
Now get back to work before I fire the lot of you.
You can't fire us.
Why not? Because as of right now we're all on strike.
Yeah! Thank you for not patronizing Quark's.
Thanks very much.
Thank you for not patronizing Quark's.
Thank you for not patronizing Quark's.
Thank you for not patronizing Quark's.
Thank you for not patronizing Quark's.
I hope Rom's voice holds out.
I hope our latinum holds out.
Ahh You wanted to see me? May I take your order, sir? Quark, I'm in no mood for games.
There seems to be an opening at the dabo table or perhaps I might interest you in some time in the holosuites.
Not again.
Are you carrying a tricorder or anything with a portable energy source? What are you talking about? I'm still working out the bugs in these holographic waiters.
The Lissepian who sold me the program neglected to mention that certain energy sources can interfere with the imaging system.
Sounds like there's no end to the problems you're facing.
I can take care of the Lissepian.
I need you to get those traitors away from my front door.
They're blocking access to my place of business causing a disturbance on the Promenade and they're probably a fire hazard.
They belong in a holding cell! Every last one of them.
Well, I hate to admit this, but I agree with you.
From what Chief O'Brien tells me about strikes they sound like trouble.
I don't like mobs.
In my opinion, if you need one to get what you want it's not worth getting.
Good.
Then you'll haul them away.
I'll do nothing of the sort.
But you said I know what I said but I have strict orders from Captain Sisko not to impinge on your employees' freedom of expression.
As long as they stay peaceful and allow your customers access through the second-level entrance I'm not allowed to interfere.
In that case, would you mind serving some drinks? Huh! I didn't think so.
What about the Vulcan? With their sense of ethics definitely on the side of labor.
Pass.
I say this one's an "enter.
" Lucky guess.
Pass.
He barely set foot in there when there wasn't a strike.
Mmm.
Quark isn't exactly his favorite person.
Wait a minute.
I can't believe it.
He's an "enter.
" Not for long.
Where are you going? To talk some sense into him.
Commander! Hold on! I cannot believe what I'm seeing.
Sir.
If I could explain Mr.
Worf, do I look like I'm ready for an explanation? Three of my senior staff, brawling on the Promenade.
With all due respect, sir, we, we weren't brawling.
Maybe you should take a closer look at Dr.
Bashir's forehead.
Well, he shouldn't have got in the way.
I was trying I was trying to stop the fight.
We were not fighting.
Then what were you doing? Well, we Having a difference of opinion.
Yeah, I suppose towards the end there, we might have done a bit of shoving.
According to Odo Dr.
Bashir was shoved over a table.
Now, that was an accident.
It was just that things got a little out of hand.
Things got more than a little out of hand.
I suppose I'm going to have to talk to Quark myself.
Find a way to settle this strike get things back to normal around here.
Uh, Captain? Can we leave now? I'll tell Constable Odo to let you go in the morning.
Well, I hope you're proud of yourselves.
Captain, believe me-- I want this strike settled as much as you do.
Then settle it.
It's not that simple.
Make it simple.
Sit down with your brother and hammer out an agreement today.
Captain, I'm afraid you don't understand what a delicate situation this is.
Even talking with strikers would be a violation of the most sacred precepts of Ferengi culture.
Maybe I don't know much about Ferengi culture but I do know who holds the lease on your bar.
The Federation.
And I couldn't ask for better landlords.
That's because we don't ask you to pay your rent or to reimburse us for your maintenance repairs or the drain on the station's power supply.
You're a very generous people.
Until today.
Let's see.
Five years of back rent plus power consumption, plus repairs Do you know how much latinum that is? A lot.
That's right.
I'll talk to my brother.
I'm glad we're in agreement.
Labor Labor Where's wages? Wages are here.
Oh, wages Come in.
What do you want? Here.
What's this? It's the amount of latinum I'm willing to transfer into your private account if you'll just end this strike.
Are we talking about slips, strips or bars? Slips.
All right, strips.
It wouldn't matter if it were bars.
I'm not going to end the strike unless you meet our demands.
Rom, we shouldn't be fighting-- we're brothers.
Not when it comes to business.
We're nothing but employer and employee.
You've said so yourself.
I was wrong.
No.
You weren't.
Rom, can't we talk about this? There's only one thing I have to say to you.
"Workers of the world unite.
You have nothing to lose but your chains.
" What's happened to you? Ah.
It's about time you got back.
Brunt.
That's Liquidator Brunt to you.
I see you remember me.
Who could forget? What do you want? Quark, don't worry.
I'm here to help.
The Ferengi Commerce Authority has ordered me to end this nasty little labor dispute of yours.
How do you propose to do that? By any means necessary.
I hear Quark had only And he'll have even less tomorrow.
I've been talking with people all over the station and support for our cause is growing.
Quark will have to settle-- either that or go out of business.
I don't know.
Quark can be awful stubborn.
I think he'd rather lose the bar than give in to us.
Don't be such a pessimist.
Remember Rule of Acquisition 263: "Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
" Your brother can quote Rules of Acquisition, too.
I believe his favorite is 21 1 : "Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success.
Don't hesitate to step on them.
" My ex-brother wasn't quoting the Rules of Acquisition when he came to see me yesterday.
Hmm.
What did he say? He offered me a bribe if I would end the strike.
Did you take it? No, I didn't take it! Don't you see what that means? He's getting desperate.
A few more days and we'll get everything we want.
Brunt.
FCA.
It's not my fault! They made me do it! It was all his idea! Forgive me! If this were Ferenginar I'd have you all taken to the spire of the Tower of Commerce displayed to the crowds in the Great Marketplace below and then shoved off one by one! Small children would bet on where you would land and your spattered remains would be sold as feed mulch for gree worms.
Spare me.
I'm old.
I'm fragile.
I'll push the rest of them off myself.
I thought you said you weren't afraid of the FCA.
I lied.
Don't let him intimidate you.
We're not on Ferenginar.
Lucky for you.
But the FCA understands that living on this station has c-corrupted you.
You've been tempted by unwholesome Bajoran ideals exposed to the twisted values of the Federation, and because of that we are willing to forgive.
Really? But don't confuse our mercy with weakness.
If you are not back at your jobs tomorrow morning your financial accounts on Ferenginar will be confiscated, your families will be fined and your trading permits revoked.
You'll be ruined reduced to utter destitution.
Am l understood? Good.
I thought so.
Don't bother getting up.
Would you get up? Come on.
Let him stay there.
That's where he belongs.
The question is: Where do we belong? On our knees Iike Frool? Or standing tall like Sean O'Brien? Who's Sean O'Brien? He was a union man-- a man who gave his life to earn a decent wage for his fellow workers.
Brunt wouldn't have intimidated him and he won't intimidate me.
What about our accounts on Ferenginar? If your accounts on Ferenginar were worth anything you wouldn't be working as a waiter.
I'm telling you-- nothing has changed.
Victory is within our grasp.
All we have to do is take it.
Now, are you with me? Yes! I said are you with me? Yes! Then let's get back on that picket line and show Quark what we're made of.
Can I get up now? Look sharp now.
No slouching.
Remember in unity, there is strength.
So be strong.
Chief, may I speak with you? Sure.
What's on your mind? I feel I owe you an apology.
I allowed our argument in Quark's to get out of hand.
I think there was plenty of blame to spread around.
Nonetheless, we are Starfleet officers and Starfleet officers do not brawl with each other.
It wasn't much of a brawl, really.
I grabbed you, you shoved me and Julian was tossed over a table.
Well, it never should have happened and under normal circumstances it never would have, but there's something about this station I find unsettling.
You'll get used to it.
Perhaps.
But in the meantime, I think I've found a solution.
I'm going to move my quarters to the Defiant.
You're going to live on the Defiant? I've already discussed it with Captain Sisko.
And he said yes? As long as it doesn't interfere with my duties.
But you'll be living out there all by yourself.
I know.
That was pretty impressive-- standing up to Brunt the way you did.
Who'd have thought I had such natural leadership skills? Oh, I knew it all along.
Really? No.
I didn't think so.
Well, you surprised a lot of people including me.
I've got to get ready.
I'm having dinner with Julian.
He's a lucky man.
And almost as brave as you are.
Psst.
Rom.
She kissed me.
There's no accounting for taste.
Rom, we have to talk.
Are you ready to give in to our demands? Of course not.
Then there's nothing to talk about.
There's plenty to talk about.
The FCA's involved now.
And those Nausicaans working for Brunt aren't just for show.
I'm not going to let Brunt intimidate me.
Don't you see, Rom? You should be intimidated.
There's no telling what Brunt might do and I don't want you to get hurt.
You never cared what happened to me before.
I always cared about you.
I tried to protect you.
Save you from yourself.
How? By telling me I was an idiot my whole life? I had to be tough on you.
I was trying to make you a better Ferengi.
What you were trying to do was make yourself feel important.
Making me feel dumb made you feel smart.
But I'm not dumb and you're not half as smart as you think you are.
Rom, you have to listen to me.
The FCA doesn't have to answer to anyone.
And if Brunt decides to get rid of you I won't be able to stop him.
Look at it this way.
If Brunt gets rid of me then all your problems are solved.
You always said you wanted to be an only child.
Doesn't that hurt? I'm sure it does.
Most Nausicaan games do.
Speaking of pain did you talk to your brother? We talked.
And? I need more time.
Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.
Look, you're here to help me, right? Wrong.
I'm here to enforce Ferengi law and to protect Ferengi tradition and that means putting an end to this strike.
Now, I can see that we are going to have to make an example of someone.
What kind of example? Oh, I'm sure that we'll come up with something that will get people's attention.
I, uh, don't want my brother hurt.
Oh, I wasn't thinking of him.
Attack the leader of a movement you risk creating a martyr.
No, Rom must not be touched.
Our target must be someone unexpected.
Someone he cares about Iike that dabo girl.
Leeta.
But she's not even Ferengi.
I know.
That's what makes it so memorable.
But she has such delicate lobes.
I'm afraid I couldn't bring myself to give the order.
No, let's see.
Who else does Rom care about? Boys? Me? But I'm on your side.
Ironic isn't it? I thought I wasn't allowed to have any visitors.
Dr.
Bashir made an exception.
He said you were almost killed.
It's nothing to smile about.
Those Nausicaans shattered my left eye socket broke two of my ascending ribs and punctured my lower lung.
If Odo hadn't come along when he did Does it hurt? Of course, it hurts.
Too bad.
If you're going to stand there and gloat you can leave right now.
I'm not done gloating.
Don't you get it? This was a message for you.
Well, it's not going to work.
I wish Brunt had known that.
Odo has him and the Nausicaans in a holding cell.
He says it's an open-and-shut case.
It's an open-and-shut case all right but I'm not going to press charges.
You're not? Of course not.
I'm in enough trouble with the FCA as it is.
But then Odo will have to let them go.
Either way, the FCA will just send another Liquidator and that one will make an example of you.
Then you'll be the one gloating.
I don't want to gloat.
I want to end the strike.
So, give us what we want.
Rom, I can't! I'm not going against 10,000 years of Ferengi tradition.
You're just afraid of the FCA.
Of course, I'm afraid of the FCA.
They crushed my eye socket.
And if you had any sense, you'd be afraid of them, too.
If this strike doesn't get settled soon we're both going to find ourselves tossed out of the nearest airlock.
You have to dissolve the union.
At least officially.
What do you mean? I mean I mean, you dissolve the union-- make it look like I've won-- and I'll give you everything you want.
You'll meet our demands? That's what I just said, you idiot.
Even sick leave? Even sick leave.
And six months from now when the FCA isn't watching my books so closely you'll get your raises.
Six months! It's the best I can do! No, it's not.
All you have to do is make up one of your fake business ledgers for the FCA.
They'll never know the difference.
Shh! All right.
You'll get your raises by the end of the week but the union dies here today and that's my final offer.
Better? Much.
I thought about getting you a plant but somehow it didn't seem right.
A wise decision.
So I brought you this instead.
It's a collection of my favorite Klingon operas.
Think about it.
You can lie in bed and pipe them through the Defiant's com system and play them as loud as you like.
A thoughtful gift.
You know, Worf in the end, living on the Defiant isn't going to change anything.
You're still going to have to get used to life on the station.
I am not sure I agree.
Sooner or later, you're going to have to adapt.
Perhaps in the end, it'll be all of you that have to adapt to me.
Come in! Come in! Welcome back.
Why don't you try your luck at the dabo wheel? Remember, every Bajoran gets one free spin.
You're in a good mood.
I just got a raise.
Major! I must say you are looking particularly cleansed today.
Just get me two mugs of synthale a double order of hasperat, and, uh hold the conversation? No wonder I missed you.
Ah! Rom, there you are.
Why aren't you in your waiter's uniform? I'll have a large snail juice, please straight up.
You know there's no drinking on the job.
That's no way to talk to a customer.
You're not a customer, you're an employee.
Not anymore.
I've wiped my last table and mixed my last Black Hole.
Starting today, I'm one of the station's diagnostic and repair technicians, junior grade night shift.
You're quitting? Effective immediately.
I gave you everything you wanted.
I know, but if the strike taught me anything it's that I do a lot better when you're not around.
Don't worry.
I'll keep your holosuites running and fix your replicators when they're broken.
I think this'll be really good for our relationship.
I don't.
Think about it from my point of view.
If I keep working for you, all I have to look forward to is waiting for you to die so I can inherit the bar.
Well, I don't want you to die.
And besides, I deserve to have a life of my own now.
But without me looking after you I'll do fine.
I suppose you will.
I'll miss you.
No, you won't.
I'll be here all the time, only I'll be a paying customer.
Now, get me my snail juice Brother.
Coming up.