The Wonder Years s04e16 Episode Script
Road Trip
What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song I will try not to sing out of key, yeah Oh, baby, I get by By with a little help from my friends All I need is my buddies High with a little help from my friends I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher - Try with a little help from my friends Whoa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh The biggest thing in a young boy's world Is his Dad.
The "big enchilada.
" You do what he says.
You do what he does.
He's your guide through the mysteries of manhood, your confidant, your pal.
Until the day comes when [ Door opens .]
Oh.
Uh You in here? For some reason, things change.
[ Whistles .]
[ Indistinct conversations on TV .]
Your confidant becomes that guy on the other end of the couch.
You stop communicating, except through an interpreter.
Kevin, how'd you do on your test today? Fine, Mom.
Do you hear that, honey? Kevin did well on his French test.
Good goin'.
Jack, did you tell Kevin about your trip to Cincinnati? Rained.
Uhhuh.
Cold.
Uhhuh.
Well, I guess that roasting pan has soaked long enough.
But even a skilled mediator can't always bridge the widening Gulf.
You're really, really, very groovy, baby You really, really turn me on Baby Truth is, when you're 14, the absolute worst part of being with your Dad I can't stand it Try to keep the groove a-movin', baby Is being with your Dad.
- I got to study.
- Yeah, I got to work.
[ Sighs .]
And most of all, you never, ever want to be alone with each other.
Oh, my goodness! Look at this! It's hard to believe! What is it? It's a sale.
On suits, at Randolph's.
Route 9-b in Millbrook.
'Course, when you're 14, almost any situation can be fraught with potential peril.
They're slashing prices.
"Everything must go.
" Jack, what do you say? 'Bout what? About these suits.
Fortunately, this was Dad's problem.
I got all the suits I need.
Not ours.
No.
I meant for Kevin.
What? Why me? Well, you're getting older, honey, and you don't have one that fits you.
And you look so manly in a suit.
Besides, they come with two pairs of pants! Powerful reasoning, requiring a powerful response.
Mom, I don't want a suit, okay? They're open till 5:00.
And they're only an hour away.
Mom! What do you think, Jack? Kid needs a suit, kid needs a suit.
[ Chuckles .]
Have fun, sucker.
[ Laughs .]
Great.
A whole Sunday down the tubes.
What could be worse? So, what time will you two fellas be leaving? Huh? To buy that suit! Him? Me? Us? Why not? A boy should buy a suit with his father.
[ Chuckles .]
Norma [ Chuckles .]
Mom It was pretty clear this idea wasn't gonna float.
Not in a month of Sundays.
Now, you sure you know how to get there? 'Course I know how to get there.
You take 15 to the exit for 22-b, and then Norma.
I know how to get there.
Well, then You two have a good time.
Dad, you don't have to do this, you know.
The hell we don't.
Bye bye! [ Engine turns over .]
Yep, this was gonna be some fun.
Me and the big guy.
Sharin' a little quality time.
Still, out here on the open road Maybe this was a chance to re-establish communications.
- So, how's school? - Good.
- Paul? - Good.
Bounce around philosophies, sink our teeth into the big questions.
How's work? Lousy.
Uhhuh.
The thing is, I knew it was just a matter of finding a common ground, something we were both passionate about, something like [ Slow instrumental music plays .]
Easy-listenin' music.
You mind if we turn that down?! What? Never mind.
At least it solved the communication problem.
If not the navigational one.
Dad! [ Volume decreases .]
What is it now? I think we just passed our exit.
Nah.
No.
Remember, Mom said take the 15 to the 22-b, and what are you talking about? It's not for another 8 Miles.
I'm tracking it here.
- Yeah, but Mom said that it's - Hey! Your mother never drove a half-track halfway across Korea, okay? Maybe so.
But unless I was mistaken, this was not Korea.
Dad, I really think that that was trust me.
It's the next one.
Whatever you say.
[ Whistling .]
So we took the next exit.
What's this? I think it's a dead end.
This isn't supposed to be here.
True theoretically speaking.
Well Maybe we should just turn around.
Turn around? Yeah.
You know, go back to the highway and follow Mom's directions.
I'm not turnin' around.
Well, we can't keep going, can we? Hmm.
Seemed we'd reached a stand-off here.
The irresistible force.
The immovable object.
Dad? Until the immovable object blinked.
Hand me a map.
Of course! Maps! My father had charts of every street, every town, every county in the known free world.
Got it! It was time to scout out the terrain.
Together.
Let's Take a look.
One little problem.
Dad? I-I can't see it.
What do you need to see it for? Well, I just thought I'd let's see.
We must be near Loudenville.
It was hard to tell, standing 4 feet below sea level.
[ Scoffs .]
Come on, Dad.
Huh? Can I help? Oh, sure.
Fold it up for me, will you? But, I come on.
We're wasting time.
Now, we all know map companies hire guys who specialize in making map-folding a physical impossibility.
Oh, here.
See, this goes right here Get in.
We got to go.
[ Sighs .]
[ Engine turns over .]
Two rights, three lefts, and we're back in business.
- Right, sport? - Right, Dad.
Maybe so, maybe not.
Seemed pretty clear it was time for me and the big guy to have a chat.
Dad? Hmm? Can we talk? 'Bout what? It's just I wanted to fold the map.
And I guess that kind of summed it up.
[ Engine revs .]
In a word I think we're stuck.
We're not stuck.
[ Engine revving .]
But we were.
By 2:00, we were on our way again.
Muddier, but wiser.
[ Bell dings .]
Still, at least, now we knew where we were.
Loudenville.
Welcome to Hillsdale.
Can I help you? Uh, yeah, please.
We need some gas.
Fill it up.
- And some - Oil.
Check it.
Gotcha! Dad, shouldn't we ask for directions? Why? We know where we are.
Hillsdale.
'Course, I should have known better.
My father would face a firing squad before he'd ask a qualified stranger for information.
Say, you know, that front-right tire of yours tire's fine! Come on.
Let's wash up.
Fine with me.
Gotcha.
Anything was better than sitting in that car together.
Besides, maybe here, in this humble inn, we could refresh our weary spirits, sit down as equals.
Get me some coffee, huh? What do I look like, your slave? Can I get you something? One coffee, please.
Sure, handsome.
Hold the phone.
Make that two coffees.
Are you from around here? Uh Haven't seen you in here before.
Well I Mostly hang out Somewhere else.
Like junior high school.
But why quibble? Two coffees.
Anything else? Hmm Let's see, here Scrambled eggs, bacon crisp, wheat toast, home fries, applesauce, and a couple of corn muffins.
Uhhuh.
Can I warm that up for you? Oh.
Thanks.
So, I'd gone a little overboard.
True love does that to you.
And I knew Dad would understand.
What the hell is all this? Dad.
Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
Well And suddenly, we were Connecting.
This was something that went beyond mere words, the thing guys understand.
Hi, handsome.
[ Chuckles .]
Hi.
The thing Greek tragedies are made of.
Can I warm that up for you? Oh, sure.
And, uh, get the kid a ginger ale.
"Kid"? "Ginger ale"? Dad, I'm drinking coffee, okay? Oh! Right.
He's drinking coffee.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
I couldn't believe it.
The big lummox had sold me out.
[ Slurps .]
Okay, then.
If he wanted to play rough So, Dad? Hmm? Think Mom's expecting us? Huh? You know.
My Mom.
Your wife?! What are you talkin' about? 'Course, you can't get us home because you got us lost! Right?! [ Chuckles .]
[Chuckles.]
Take that! Gulp.
[ Tires screech .]
[ Cow mooing .]
[ Slow instrumental music plays .]
And so the battle-lines were drawn.
Words had failed us.
Negotiations had broken down.
Hostilities had broken out.
[ Rock 'n' roll music plays .]
[ Classical music plays .]
[ Whistling .]
[ Up-tempo rock 'n' roll music plays .]
[ Classical music plays .]
[ Up-tempo rock 'n' roll music plays .]
My dog's better than your dog [ Country music plays .]
Man: To find his light, I say [ Rock 'n' roll music plays .]
[ Italian opera music plays .]
And this time, no one was blinking.
Three hours, six wrong turns, and two gas stations later [ Music stops .]
[ Air hisses .]
[ Sighs .]
Somebody finally spoke.
I'll get the jack.
[ Sighs .]
Did you need any help with that? I can handle it.
- Dad, can't you just let me - I said I can handle it.
I stood there, feeling like A fifth wheel.
Not even that.
All right.
Give me some room here.
Great.
[ Breathing heavily .]
Lug nut's jammed.
Damn thing won't budge.
[ Straining .]
It might as well be Welded on Solid.
How could this have happened? Course, he probably meant that to be rhetorical.
Still Maybe 'cause you didn't listen to that guy back at the gas station! I seemed to feel the need to shoot off my big mouth.
What? Well You should have.
Let me tell you something, Kevin.
We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that damn suit of yours.
My suit?! Look, I didn't even want to come here! Well, neither did I! Travelin' halfway around the country.
Yeah, well, that's just 'cause you got us lost! I did not get us lost! - Did so! - I did not! - Did so! - Damn it! Does this look like we're lost?! But the awful truth was, we were.
He knew it, and I knew it.
We were lost in a way that had nothing to do with Rand McNally or route 22-b.
And I guess that's when I knew what I had to do.
What are you doing? I'm changing the tire.
What? You heard me! Are you out of your mind? Maybe I was, but I didn't care.
I was gonna budge that lug nut if it was the last thing I ever did.
[ Kevin straining .]
I was gonna budge it or die trying.
Budge it or give up the ghost.
And then, something completely unexpected happened.
I budged the lug nut.
[ Lug nut squeaking .]
It was kind of a big moment.
Go ahead.
[ Crosby, stills, Nash, & young's "teach your children" plays .]
You, who are on the road Must have a code that you can live by And so We didn't talk any more on the way home than we did on the way out.
But maybe we listened a little more to what was being said in the silence.
Teach your children well Their father's hell Did slowly go by And feed them on your dreams Tired? A little.
Hm.
Your Mom's gonna kill us, coming home without a suit.
Guess we'll have to face the music, though.
Yeah.
Hm.
I'll tell you what.
I heard of this place out on the highway.
Supposed to have great apple pie.
Maybe we'll go and try it.
We could get our stories straight, have a cup of Joe.
What do you say? And you of tender years Can't know the fears That your elders grew by And so please help What's that for? In case we get lost.
[ Chuckles .]
We won't need it.
We'll find our own way.
Teach your parents well [ Engine turns over .]
their children's hell Maybe he was right.
Where we were headed, there were no maps.
It was uncharted territory.
From now on We were flying by the seat of our pants.
Don't you ever ask them why If they told you, you would cry So just look at them and sigh And know they love you
The "big enchilada.
" You do what he says.
You do what he does.
He's your guide through the mysteries of manhood, your confidant, your pal.
Until the day comes when [ Door opens .]
Oh.
Uh You in here? For some reason, things change.
[ Whistles .]
[ Indistinct conversations on TV .]
Your confidant becomes that guy on the other end of the couch.
You stop communicating, except through an interpreter.
Kevin, how'd you do on your test today? Fine, Mom.
Do you hear that, honey? Kevin did well on his French test.
Good goin'.
Jack, did you tell Kevin about your trip to Cincinnati? Rained.
Uhhuh.
Cold.
Uhhuh.
Well, I guess that roasting pan has soaked long enough.
But even a skilled mediator can't always bridge the widening Gulf.
You're really, really, very groovy, baby You really, really turn me on Baby Truth is, when you're 14, the absolute worst part of being with your Dad I can't stand it Try to keep the groove a-movin', baby Is being with your Dad.
- I got to study.
- Yeah, I got to work.
[ Sighs .]
And most of all, you never, ever want to be alone with each other.
Oh, my goodness! Look at this! It's hard to believe! What is it? It's a sale.
On suits, at Randolph's.
Route 9-b in Millbrook.
'Course, when you're 14, almost any situation can be fraught with potential peril.
They're slashing prices.
"Everything must go.
" Jack, what do you say? 'Bout what? About these suits.
Fortunately, this was Dad's problem.
I got all the suits I need.
Not ours.
No.
I meant for Kevin.
What? Why me? Well, you're getting older, honey, and you don't have one that fits you.
And you look so manly in a suit.
Besides, they come with two pairs of pants! Powerful reasoning, requiring a powerful response.
Mom, I don't want a suit, okay? They're open till 5:00.
And they're only an hour away.
Mom! What do you think, Jack? Kid needs a suit, kid needs a suit.
[ Chuckles .]
Have fun, sucker.
[ Laughs .]
Great.
A whole Sunday down the tubes.
What could be worse? So, what time will you two fellas be leaving? Huh? To buy that suit! Him? Me? Us? Why not? A boy should buy a suit with his father.
[ Chuckles .]
Norma [ Chuckles .]
Mom It was pretty clear this idea wasn't gonna float.
Not in a month of Sundays.
Now, you sure you know how to get there? 'Course I know how to get there.
You take 15 to the exit for 22-b, and then Norma.
I know how to get there.
Well, then You two have a good time.
Dad, you don't have to do this, you know.
The hell we don't.
Bye bye! [ Engine turns over .]
Yep, this was gonna be some fun.
Me and the big guy.
Sharin' a little quality time.
Still, out here on the open road Maybe this was a chance to re-establish communications.
- So, how's school? - Good.
- Paul? - Good.
Bounce around philosophies, sink our teeth into the big questions.
How's work? Lousy.
Uhhuh.
The thing is, I knew it was just a matter of finding a common ground, something we were both passionate about, something like [ Slow instrumental music plays .]
Easy-listenin' music.
You mind if we turn that down?! What? Never mind.
At least it solved the communication problem.
If not the navigational one.
Dad! [ Volume decreases .]
What is it now? I think we just passed our exit.
Nah.
No.
Remember, Mom said take the 15 to the 22-b, and what are you talking about? It's not for another 8 Miles.
I'm tracking it here.
- Yeah, but Mom said that it's - Hey! Your mother never drove a half-track halfway across Korea, okay? Maybe so.
But unless I was mistaken, this was not Korea.
Dad, I really think that that was trust me.
It's the next one.
Whatever you say.
[ Whistling .]
So we took the next exit.
What's this? I think it's a dead end.
This isn't supposed to be here.
True theoretically speaking.
Well Maybe we should just turn around.
Turn around? Yeah.
You know, go back to the highway and follow Mom's directions.
I'm not turnin' around.
Well, we can't keep going, can we? Hmm.
Seemed we'd reached a stand-off here.
The irresistible force.
The immovable object.
Dad? Until the immovable object blinked.
Hand me a map.
Of course! Maps! My father had charts of every street, every town, every county in the known free world.
Got it! It was time to scout out the terrain.
Together.
Let's Take a look.
One little problem.
Dad? I-I can't see it.
What do you need to see it for? Well, I just thought I'd let's see.
We must be near Loudenville.
It was hard to tell, standing 4 feet below sea level.
[ Scoffs .]
Come on, Dad.
Huh? Can I help? Oh, sure.
Fold it up for me, will you? But, I come on.
We're wasting time.
Now, we all know map companies hire guys who specialize in making map-folding a physical impossibility.
Oh, here.
See, this goes right here Get in.
We got to go.
[ Sighs .]
[ Engine turns over .]
Two rights, three lefts, and we're back in business.
- Right, sport? - Right, Dad.
Maybe so, maybe not.
Seemed pretty clear it was time for me and the big guy to have a chat.
Dad? Hmm? Can we talk? 'Bout what? It's just I wanted to fold the map.
And I guess that kind of summed it up.
[ Engine revs .]
In a word I think we're stuck.
We're not stuck.
[ Engine revving .]
But we were.
By 2:00, we were on our way again.
Muddier, but wiser.
[ Bell dings .]
Still, at least, now we knew where we were.
Loudenville.
Welcome to Hillsdale.
Can I help you? Uh, yeah, please.
We need some gas.
Fill it up.
- And some - Oil.
Check it.
Gotcha! Dad, shouldn't we ask for directions? Why? We know where we are.
Hillsdale.
'Course, I should have known better.
My father would face a firing squad before he'd ask a qualified stranger for information.
Say, you know, that front-right tire of yours tire's fine! Come on.
Let's wash up.
Fine with me.
Gotcha.
Anything was better than sitting in that car together.
Besides, maybe here, in this humble inn, we could refresh our weary spirits, sit down as equals.
Get me some coffee, huh? What do I look like, your slave? Can I get you something? One coffee, please.
Sure, handsome.
Hold the phone.
Make that two coffees.
Are you from around here? Uh Haven't seen you in here before.
Well I Mostly hang out Somewhere else.
Like junior high school.
But why quibble? Two coffees.
Anything else? Hmm Let's see, here Scrambled eggs, bacon crisp, wheat toast, home fries, applesauce, and a couple of corn muffins.
Uhhuh.
Can I warm that up for you? Oh.
Thanks.
So, I'd gone a little overboard.
True love does that to you.
And I knew Dad would understand.
What the hell is all this? Dad.
Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
Well And suddenly, we were Connecting.
This was something that went beyond mere words, the thing guys understand.
Hi, handsome.
[ Chuckles .]
Hi.
The thing Greek tragedies are made of.
Can I warm that up for you? Oh, sure.
And, uh, get the kid a ginger ale.
"Kid"? "Ginger ale"? Dad, I'm drinking coffee, okay? Oh! Right.
He's drinking coffee.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
I couldn't believe it.
The big lummox had sold me out.
[ Slurps .]
Okay, then.
If he wanted to play rough So, Dad? Hmm? Think Mom's expecting us? Huh? You know.
My Mom.
Your wife?! What are you talkin' about? 'Course, you can't get us home because you got us lost! Right?! [ Chuckles .]
[Chuckles.]
Take that! Gulp.
[ Tires screech .]
[ Cow mooing .]
[ Slow instrumental music plays .]
And so the battle-lines were drawn.
Words had failed us.
Negotiations had broken down.
Hostilities had broken out.
[ Rock 'n' roll music plays .]
[ Classical music plays .]
[ Whistling .]
[ Up-tempo rock 'n' roll music plays .]
[ Classical music plays .]
[ Up-tempo rock 'n' roll music plays .]
My dog's better than your dog [ Country music plays .]
Man: To find his light, I say [ Rock 'n' roll music plays .]
[ Italian opera music plays .]
And this time, no one was blinking.
Three hours, six wrong turns, and two gas stations later [ Music stops .]
[ Air hisses .]
[ Sighs .]
Somebody finally spoke.
I'll get the jack.
[ Sighs .]
Did you need any help with that? I can handle it.
- Dad, can't you just let me - I said I can handle it.
I stood there, feeling like A fifth wheel.
Not even that.
All right.
Give me some room here.
Great.
[ Breathing heavily .]
Lug nut's jammed.
Damn thing won't budge.
[ Straining .]
It might as well be Welded on Solid.
How could this have happened? Course, he probably meant that to be rhetorical.
Still Maybe 'cause you didn't listen to that guy back at the gas station! I seemed to feel the need to shoot off my big mouth.
What? Well You should have.
Let me tell you something, Kevin.
We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that damn suit of yours.
My suit?! Look, I didn't even want to come here! Well, neither did I! Travelin' halfway around the country.
Yeah, well, that's just 'cause you got us lost! I did not get us lost! - Did so! - I did not! - Did so! - Damn it! Does this look like we're lost?! But the awful truth was, we were.
He knew it, and I knew it.
We were lost in a way that had nothing to do with Rand McNally or route 22-b.
And I guess that's when I knew what I had to do.
What are you doing? I'm changing the tire.
What? You heard me! Are you out of your mind? Maybe I was, but I didn't care.
I was gonna budge that lug nut if it was the last thing I ever did.
[ Kevin straining .]
I was gonna budge it or die trying.
Budge it or give up the ghost.
And then, something completely unexpected happened.
I budged the lug nut.
[ Lug nut squeaking .]
It was kind of a big moment.
Go ahead.
[ Crosby, stills, Nash, & young's "teach your children" plays .]
You, who are on the road Must have a code that you can live by And so We didn't talk any more on the way home than we did on the way out.
But maybe we listened a little more to what was being said in the silence.
Teach your children well Their father's hell Did slowly go by And feed them on your dreams Tired? A little.
Hm.
Your Mom's gonna kill us, coming home without a suit.
Guess we'll have to face the music, though.
Yeah.
Hm.
I'll tell you what.
I heard of this place out on the highway.
Supposed to have great apple pie.
Maybe we'll go and try it.
We could get our stories straight, have a cup of Joe.
What do you say? And you of tender years Can't know the fears That your elders grew by And so please help What's that for? In case we get lost.
[ Chuckles .]
We won't need it.
We'll find our own way.
Teach your parents well [ Engine turns over .]
their children's hell Maybe he was right.
Where we were headed, there were no maps.
It was uncharted territory.
From now on We were flying by the seat of our pants.
Don't you ever ask them why If they told you, you would cry So just look at them and sigh And know they love you