What I Like About You (2002) s04e16 Episode Script

You know, the one great thing about me breaking up with Vince is all the quality time that we've gotten to spend together.
Do you realize that we've spent every single day together this week? Wow.
Only a week? Sweetie, he's just frustrated because I told him that I wanted to wait until our wedding night toyou know.
Oh, I know.
And I know.
But it is only because waiting will make it so much more special.
Kind of old-fashioned.
Baby, if you want old-fashioned, I could dress up like Abe Lincoln.
I just want to say that this is very uncomfortable for me.
Baby, you're just gonna have to be patient, okay? I mean, look at me.
I want to be with you as much as you want to be with me, but I am exercising patience.
[ cellphone rings .]
Move! Move! That's my phone! Please let it be the wedding coordinator with a hall for tonight.
Hello.
Oh, it's her.
A room opened up for the wedding.
Yes! No.
Yes, yes.
Of course we'll take it.
Okay.
Great.
Thank you.
We got my dream room at the Boathouse.
- When? - Soon.
[ laughs .]
Okay.
How soon? [ mumbling .]
What was that? Six months.
It won't be that bad.
We can wait.
It's just, you know, Hol, you're gonna have to sleep at Tina's tonight.
What? Val, I kind of want to be with you.
Get out! She's gone.
Come here! [ screams, laughs .]
What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whisperin' in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true That's what I like about you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you, you, you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you That's what I like about Uh-huh Uh-huh It's what I like about you Tina! Come on! Val kicked me out! I'm sleeping over! Hey.
Hey.
You're here.
So are you.
Yeah, I know.
But you're not supposed to be here.
You're supposed to be at that real estate retreat until tomorrow.
Well, I'm sorry, but I had an important meeting I had to get home for.
Well, it's getting late.
I'm gonna head home.
I'm home.
Holly, are you not coming in because of me? No! Yes.
It's weird.
It's only weird if we let it be weird.
How do we not let it be weird? We go back to being friends.
Really? Well, do you really think we can do that? Well, if the other choice is not seeing each other at all I'd pick friends.
Aw.
That's so sweet.
Come on, let's go.
Good.
You know what I like best about Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross? That they're friends? Yes! So what if it didn't work out between us? I mean, no one told us love was going to be that way.
[ cellphone rings .]
Oh, it's my boyfriend -- Officer Rubin, one of New York's hottest.
Hey, sweetie.
There's something sleazy about that police guy.
Maybe it's the way he puts his neck on the line every day to protect the citizens of this great city.
Ooh, I can't wait.
Hey, Rube's taking me out tomorrow.
Should I wear that short, black, leather skirt with the lace cami? I don't know.
I think it makes you look easy.
Good.
I don't want there to be any confusion.
Gary and Tina are so into each other.
Right.
The second she started dating Rubin, Gary started walking around with his shirt off.
Oh, no way.
How come you didn't tell me? We weren't friends then.
But we're friends now.
So what else you got? Okay.
Sorry.
Now, where were we? Y'all about to pay me $75 apiece for landing on Community Chest! Well, every time.
I swear.
Whoa, whoa.
Vince, you rolled a 6.
So that would put you on Baltic.
No, 6 puts me on Community Chest.
No, but you started on Park.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
Holly, I'm telling you, I started on Chance.
Vince, I'm telling you, you started on Park.
It's right in front of me.
I saw it! Yeah, well, you seem to see a lot of things that never happened.
What's that supposed to mean? Oh, nothing.
Pay up.
Pay, pay, pay, pay.
WellI'm not sure if I want to play a game with my friend, who doesn't trust me.
Come on, you guys.
It's pink and yellow money.
It's not real.
I cannot believe that you're actually doubting me.
Unbelievable! We were having a perfectly good evening, and you went ahead and ruined it.
Me?! - You're the cheater! - I didn't cheat.
I started on Chance, and, oh, my God, are we doing this again? You know what? What is this reminding me of? Something that clearly happened, and you didn't believe me.
What's that called? Déjà vu? No, déjà Robyn! So, even as friends, we're always going to talk about Robyn and how you think she's after me.
No, no, no, I don't think.
I know! Oh, is this ever going to go away? No, but I am.
You're so immature! Good luck cheating without your tiny little cheese grater.
It's a thimble! Holly.
Don't mind me.
Make like I'm not even here.
Holly! [ whimpering .]
[ crying .]
[ crying .]
[ crying .]
You like your cereal? Yep.
Sounds crunchy.
Yep.
Are you still mad that last night we didn't -- Yep.
Baby, come on.
What was I supposed to do? She needed me.
My sister was so sad.
Yeah, I was a little blue myself.
Okay, Val, look.
I realize that it's always been just you and Holly, but you've got a new person in your life now.
Yes, I know.
I know.
I'm trying to please you, I'm trying to please her, and I'm trying to please everybody.
We need another Val around here.
Well, will she sleep with me? I mean, come on, it's not just about the sex, okay? It's about you and I having some time alone together.
I mean, I get it.
I've got brothers.
Of course you're going to have to take care of Holly, but you're gonna have to take care of us, too.
You know what? You're right.
It's just that this is all so new to me, having two people in my life that I care so much about.
But tonight is gonna be just for you and me.
Okay? I am gonna get us a really sexy hotel room.
Okay, hey, any chance both Vals can be there? Never had a threesome.
No.
Cereal.
Okay.
Lauren, please, look, Holly is going through such a hard time without Vince.
And Vic's going through such a hard time without me.
You have got to take care of her tonight, okay? Oh, please.
How hard is it to take care of Holly? I had a turtle.
Now, would you just go, go, go? Okay, just promise me that you're gonna watch out for her, okay? Take her out, have fun with her, make her laugh.
Keep her mind off Vince, okay? Oh, I got to go.
Vic's waiting.
Okay, bye.
Okay! Val, you're here.
Okay, so, I wrote down all my feelings of anger and angst about Vince, like you said, but it didn't make me feel better, like you said.
However, I do think it will make an excellent Alanis Morissette song.
Great.
Okay.
Well, um, Holly, listen.
What you got to do is keep on writing.
Get it out.
Excuse me.
I thought I was in charge of the turtle.
Yes, I know.
Holly, I have to -- Val, go.
Holly, bye.
I love you.
Okay? Oh, God, if you're gonna be a bummer, I'm gonna drink.
I'm not gonna be a bummer.
Look, I understand why Vince and I can't be boyfriend and girlfriend, because we have that whole trust issue.
Oh, boy.
I don't understand why we can't be friends.
I mean, why can't I just let that go? Why can't I do that? Wow, for this dump, this wine is actually really good.
Okay, Carney, I'm headed upstairs to pick up Tina.
I'll see you in the morning.
Well, if my date goes well, expect me at 080030.
Carney, what's the matter? You look a little down.
Well, it's my second day on the job, Officer Rubin, and my handcuffs are still in the wrapper.
Yeah, well, listen, don't worry about that because I bet you tomorrow there's gonna be a crack dealer with your name on him.
You think? Oh, I hope he puts up a fight! I mean, if Vince and I were friends, then we could go to, like, a park or a movie or a broadway show or the Ice Capades.
Just taste this.
Tell me if this is not the best-tasting cheap wine you've ever tried.
Can I see some I.
D.
? [ chuckles .]
Officer, you flatter me.
I'm talking to her.
You bastard! Officer, I wasn't drinking it.
I was just tasting it.
Yeah.
It's okay, honey.
I'm taking care of her.
You gave it to her? Yeah.
That's right.
[ camera shutter clicks .]
I only took one sip.
It was peer pressure! [ shutter clicks .]
Well, this is insane.
The kidhad a toothache.
Sorry, but in the state of New York offering alcohol to a minor is a crime.
The only crime here is taking a picture of me from that angle.
I'm gonna look like Nick Nolte.
Now, come on, take it again! All right.
Okay, candles, flowers, chocolates.
Well, I have gone to a lot of trouble just to have sex with myself.
[ knock on door .]
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
But I'm here now, and I'm all yours.
Just you and me.
All right, in that case, may I take your coat? - May I pour you some champagne? - Yes.
And may I have sex with you? No.
Not until I slip into something pretty.
Ooh.
There's a whole outfit in that teeny little bag? Just a teeny little outfit.
I am so happy.
[ sighs .]
All right, ladies, you are free to go, once you pay the $500 bail.
$500? I don't have $500! Damn you, pointy boots.
Just calm down, little one.
So, um, Officer Adorable would you like to accept payment here, or is there a room in the back with a cot perhaps? Oh, God, we're never getting out.
I'm calling Val.
No, no, you cannot call Val! We're gonna get in trouble.
We're in trouble! I know, but Val is worse.
Okay, trust me.
Besides, she and Vic are doing it.
Just call Tina.
I can't.
She and Rube are doing it.
I'll call Gary.
Wait, I can't call Gary.
He lost his cellphone.
I'm calling him anyway.
Maybe he found it.
[ cellphone rings .]
Hello? Lauren? Good news for Gary.
Six months.
It's go time, big man.
[ exhales sharply .]
Don't want to pull a hammie.
Knock, knock.
Did someone order room service? Why, yes, that would have been me.
[ chuckles .]
Well, I have your [ chuckles .]
I can't think of a sexy food.
Come on, get over here.
Get over here.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
- I love you.
- I love you.
[ cellphone ringing to tune of "The Mexican Hat Dance" .]
Val, do you want to get that phone? Mnh-mnh.
[ ringing continues .]
But I do want to turn it off.
Hold on.
[ ringing continues .]
Is it Holly? Yeah.
Baby, I'm so sorry.
Just let me get rid of her.
Hello! Holly.
Ah.
What? Wait.
I can't understand you.
You're crying.
Oh, my God.
Okay, um, just hang in there.
Everything's gonna be okay.
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Okay.
Okay, let's do it! What? Come on! Come on! Wait, wait.
What did Holly have to say? Oh, hey, hey, hey.
It's Vic time! Let's go! Let's go! Listen, honey, I just wanted to let you know that, although the wait for this has been so -- - Are we yakkin' or lovin'? - We're lovin', we're lovin'.
Hey, no time for the shoes, okay? Up here.
Let's go.
What is going on? Uh, Holly's in jail.
What?! Holly is in jail! But I didn't want it to interfere with our special time.
Wait a second.
Are you insane? She's in jail?! Aah! What -- what are you doing? I'm a fireman! These are fire hazards! Come on, she's your sister.
We've got to get her out.
Let's go! I can't run.
I don't have a bra on.
Oh, my God! And I'm sorry for ruining your night and your night last night and for all the nights that I will ruin in the future.
Come sit, Holly.
Okay.
[ clears throat .]
Honey.
[ chuckles .]
Sweetie.
Baby.
Are you gonna give me away to a family on a farm? No.
No.
I'm trying to think of the nicest way to say something to you here, and I can't really think of one.
No, no, Val, I know what you want to say.
- You do? - Yes.
You want to divorce me.
No, no, I don't want to divorce you.
I just -- I want us to be able to see other people.
Honey, I love spending time with you.
Oh, I know, I know.
I get it.
- You do? - Yes.
You want me to spread my wings a little bit.
Yes! Yes! Yes, I do.
And it's not like I won't be there for you when you really need me.
It's just, I need you to be able to figure out maybe two, three things on your own.
That would be really helpful.
Three things? Okay, no, no, no.
I can do that.
Wow, prison really changes a person.
Val, I learned some stuff in the slammer.
And I really figured out that Vince and I aren't ready to be friends.
But II've got it covered.
Oh.
Thank God.
'Cause I really want to get jiggy with Vic.
Whoo! Whoo! Hey, is everything okay here? No, she said "jiggy.
" Whoo! Whoo! Hey, you know what? You guys, go.
Okay? You take her.
And I think you know what I mean.
Ha ha.
You're the best.
Hey.
Well, you know, we still have that hotel room until noon tomorrow, so what do you say we get your soon-to-be-naked tushy in a cab? [ cellphone ringing to tune of "The Mexican Hat Dance" .]
I'll just -- I'll turn it off.
Okay? Ooh! It's the Boathouse.
Hold on.
Hello? Yes? Yes? Oh, of course.
No, we'll take it.
Okay, yes, thank you.
And, uh, give my condolences to the bride.
I've been there.
Okay, bye-bye.
You're not gonna believe this.
We can move up the wedding.
Great.
Let's go.
We can get the ballroom in two weeks! That's fantastic! Let's go.
Let's go.
Why am I the only one who's going? You want to wait until our wedding night, don't you? Yes, I do.
Come on, it will be so much more special.
We can make it.
You are so cute.
I just can't say no to you.
But you can say no to me.
[ laughs .]
Now, look, honey, on our wedding night, if you're disappointed -- oh, come on, who am I kidding? [ laughs .]
Hi.
Hi.
You're here.
So are you.
Vince, um I've been doing a lot of thinking.
I think it's because what we had was so intense that it's making it hard for us just to be friends.
So I think that we should figure out a way how to not see each other at all.
For a while.
And I know it's gonna be hard, what with us living across the hall -- Holly, Holly, I think I might have a solution.
What? I'm gonna move out of here.
Oh.
Oh, well, that -- that would be great.
I mean, that would solve the hallway problem.
[ giggles .]
And I guess if we run into each other at the bakery, then we'll just, you know, see how it goes.
Holly, that meeting I had today was a was a job offer.
I'm moving to Chicago.
Chicago? Oh -- oh, the windy city.
Well, um, that will be great.
I heard it's a nice town.
And you got a job.
Well, that's fantastic.
So, um, okay.
God.
Yeah.
Yes! Well, um, that's a perfect solution.
And so I guess I'll see you around, then.
Or I won't.
Okay.
I'll see ya.
[ giggles .]