Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s04e17 Episode Script

See this, Dele?
That's me and Max on our honeymoon.
Aw, you used to be very beautiful,
Granny Dottie.
What are you trying to say?
That you have always
been very beautiful.
- Good save.
- No, it wasn't.
I didn't know you played football.
Started varsity as a sophomore.
I almost sacked a guy who almost went on
to play semi-pro Canadian football.
Cool.
Where is this?
- Ah, that's our old lake house.
- Aw.
Spent every summer there.
Why are you so red?
You look like a hot dog.
'Cause Granny Dottie sent us
outside without any sunscreen.
Hey, it was the '70s.
There was plenty of ozone to go around.
That's where my dad
taught me how to fish.
I got my first kiss there.
Was it with the fish?
It was Sarah Palmer. We both had braces.
Kiss didn't end till
my dad pried us apart
with a Swiss Army knife.
Is that Christina and Douglas?
No, actually,
that's Christina and that's Douglas.
Oh.
You have any old photo albums?
- Of course.
- Well, you should bust them out.
No, thank you.
Come on, there's nothing
to be embarrassed about.
Look, here's my naked phase
when I was three.
Aw, you had such a cute little heinie.
(LAUGHS) Still does.
I do not want to look
back at any of my phases.
I'm sure Dele would love to see
some pictures from your childhood.
I'm sure he would also love
to go to the school dance,
but neither one of those
things are going to happen.
Come on, don't you want to
hear your mom's stories?
Not if she doesn't want to share them.
And I do not.
- But you have wondered.
- Of course.
Well, you see that? The kid
- wants to know about you.
- Enough.
- Dele, go to your room.
- Yes, Mum.
My fault. Sorry, bud.
I'll see you at dinner.
("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING)
All right, if there is nothing else,
meeting adjourned.
Oh, before I forget, our Walmart rep
gave me two front row tickets
to Celtics-Pistons on Friday.
How exciting.
Douglas, you've been on that account.
I thought maybe you'd like to come.
How exciting for Douglas.
Friday? I can't. I have a date.
Well, you know what?
You've been putting in the hours.
Take your bus driver lady to a ball game
and, here,
have a couple $20 beers on me.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
- Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
- What "mm-mm"? What? What's wrong?
Olivia and I broke up.
She took that bus and
ran right over his heart.
She hurt my baby.
Call me old-fashioned,
but I hope she dies in a fire.
Can we just talk about work?
Well, that's, uh, too bad.
Boy, you get busy for a few weeks,
you-you miss all the news.
This was three months ago.
But your platitude still stands.
Well, I'm sorry, buddy.
It's not a big deal.
Is the meeting over?
Yeah. I'll see you guys later.
Uh, where did we land on the tickets?
Knock yourself out.
Oh, my goodness.
Thank you so much for thinking of me.
I'm so glad you're dating again.
You took that breakup pretty hard.
- You did?
- He did.
- Big-time.
- DOUGLAS: I was told
the meeting was adjourned.
Can I go back to work, please?
Very good. Stay focused.
What did I tell you at dinner?
(SIGHS) "Make yourself
into a man worthy of love,
and love will find you."
I wrote that one down
as soon as you said it.
You were there, too?
Oh, yeah, we all went.
This one turns into quite a poet
after a few glasses of wine.
- Guilty.
- (LAUGHS)
Well, it's good
somebody was there for you.
Oh, honey, I know how you feel.
You spend a couple of months
in St. Barts to decompress,
you come home and, all of a sudden,
your kid's graduating high school.
I mean, you can't beat yourself up,
you needed the break.
I wasn't on vacation, I've been working.
There you go. Bury the guilt.
Are you wearing the cologne I sent?
Remember,
if the judge likes what he smells,
he will like what he hears.
- Her son?
- The lawyer.
- Ooh.
- Now, run me through your closing argument.
No, no, no.
First, you cite precedent,
and then you attack the
plaintiff's character.
This is basic stuff. Do not be stupid.
She loves him so much.
Okay, put the children on.
Hello, my babies.
Granny is coming to see you soon,
and she's going to get
you in the tickle machine,
and she's going to tickle you
and tickle you
and tickle you.
Night-night, my cuddle bugs.
(KISSING) No, I love you more.
(KISSING)
What?
Just wondering where we
could buy a tickle machine.
I've never seen this side of you.
- It is wonderful.
- (CHUCKLES)
Yes. I used to think I
didn't like children.
Turns out, I just didn't like my own.
I'm glad you and your
son are talking again.
And I bet those kids are glad
to have their grandma back.
Especially since he told them
I was dead. (LAUGHS)
What?
We were fighting. You say things.
Did they have questions
when you came back to life?
They know better than to ask.
It is none of their business.
So the kids have to say goodnight
to the ghost of Grandma Kemi?
ABISHOLA: Nigerians don't like
to share their personal
lives with their children.
Mm-hmm. You have to remain infallible.
Once you show them you are human,
you have lost all authority.
So how do they learn from your mistakes?
- What mistakes?
- What mistakes?
Never mind. My father was just like you,
completely closed off.
For years, all I knew about him
was that he grunted
and hated tartar sauce.
Well, elders choose to pass on
what they think is important.
- Hmm.
- Perhaps condiments and coughing
was all he wanted you to know.
He didn't even tell me
when he was diagnosed
with prostate cancer.
Oh, that's terrible. Sorry, Gloria.
(SIGHS) All I'm saying is,
talk to your children while you can.
Funmbi, when was the last time
you had your prostate checked?
Pass the phone to your wife,
I will tell her what to do.
- (WHISPERS): Thank you, Gloria.
- Don't thank me.
I did fall asleep eventually.
The melatonin helped.
- Thank you for the suggestion.
- (STAMMERS)
I did not know you were
having trouble sleeping.
Do you also not know I am on the phone?
Sorry.
I have the same problem.
As soon as I lie down,
it is like a faucet in
the back of my throat.
Mm. That may be postnasal drip.
We'll get you a humidifier
and prop you up on a pillow.
Excuse me, are you my friend Abeni,
who is spending a dollar a
minute just to speak to me?
- No.
- Then stop talking.
Sorry.
At least with the lack of sleep,
I have almost finished
this month's book.
I agree it is fantastic.
I never considered
what life would be like as
the wife of a time traveler.
Oh, Kemi read that. She said that
Abeni, let us talk another time.
I am being spied on.
I did not know you were in a book club.
That must be a nice way to keep in touch
with your friends in Nigeria.
That shirt still has a stain on it.
I know,
and I've tried everything.
I'm going to have to throw it out.
Nonsense. Mix lemon juice with water,
add a pinch of salt,
spray the shirt, leave it in the sun
for an hour. It will be as good as new.
Thank you, Mummy.
You are so full of
wonderful knowledge.
Who taught you that?
Who cares who taught me.
It will get out the stain.
Of course.
I feel like I am living
with Barbara Walters.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So (SIGHS)
Sup?
Not much.
You know, when I say "sup" to you,
I really mean it.
And I really mean it when I say
"not much."
I am sorry about your breakup.
- I'm fine.
- Good.
Good, good, good.
You know who's not good? The Tigers.
I can't believe some of
the moves they're making.
- It's like they want to lose.
- That's what Goodwin said.
You talk baseball with Goodwin?
It's our thing now. I got him into it.
Thought it was our thing, but
whatevs.
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna meet the right one.
I know.
Cool. Cool beans.
Huh?
You know, like, tight.
Everything's tight.
How many of these do you want done?
Uh, I want to thread the whole fleet,
do a test run in full production mode.
Okay, well,
I'm almost done with this one.
I just got to keep this
yarn from splitting.
(SCREAMS)
- Whoa! Turn it off!
- (GRUNTS)
- Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
- Put pressure on it!
Hold your hand above your head.
Is it dripping?
Okay. Oh, my God.
We got to get you to the hospital.
Come on.
Okay. I'll call Goodwin.
We're not calling Goodwin!
- I'm gonna look.
- You don't need to do that.
Just breathe, we're almost there.
- Ah, I looked.
- I said breathe. Relax.
When you yell at someone to relax,
they don't relax.
Hey, it's gonna be okay.
- You don't know that.
- Yes, I do.
You remember that time at the lake house
when me and my friends were
going off the rope swing,
and then you tried and let go too early,
and you hit your head on a rock?
No, I don't remember that at all.
Yeah, you were kind of unconscious.
The point is, I got you through it.
I'm your big brother.
I'm gonna take care of you.
Okay.
You're not gonna lose the finger,
you hear me?
Yeah.
If you do,
it's an automatic conversation starter.
That's true.
There's this girl at my gym
with one leg,
and every time she hops
onto that treadmill,
I want to know her story.
I'm gonna look again.
I just told you not to look at it.
- Oh, you could see the bone.
- You can't see the bone.
- Yes, I can.
- Yeah, you can see the bone.
Here are my family photos.
I'm willing to answer
questions and share stories.
Really?
Yes. I'm your mother.
You should know about me.
Where is this coming from?
Do you want to see the photos or not?
- Is that you?
- Yes.
I had a few awkward years as a teenager.
I think it just took some time
for you to grow into your head.
Dele.
They used to call me
"head of the class."
That's clever, but very mean.
Wow. Look how young you and Dad are.
Mm. I was not born an adult, you know.
I didn't know Dad had a motorcycle.
Oh, that was mine.
I have so many questions.
It had 600 cc's,
and no, you cannot have one.
Whose wedding is this?
My cousin. Mm.
That's where your father and I met.
He was so handsome
and such a good dancer.
I knew I wanted to meet him.
So you made the first move?
Do not talk to your mother like that.
Your father was a very
respectful young man.
He asked my father's permission
before he took me out on a date.
You're sitting on his lap in this one.
Oh.
Isn't this the same wedding?
Yes.
Where you just met?
I think we have shared enough.
- This is a strange feeling.
- What is?
You're not just my mother.
You're a person.
I prefer to just be your mother.
Let's go back to that.
Too late.
It's gonna be fine.
Abishola's on her way.
She doesn't need to do that.
I'm feeling much better.
- No, I'm not.
- Okay.
Sit.
(GRUNTS)
Hi. You might know my wife,
Abishola Adebambo.
She's a nurse in cardiology.
She told me to tell you to bump us up.
Is the person you're with experiencing
chest pains or in labor?
- No.
- Have a seat.
Listen, lady,
that's my little brother over there,
a-and his finger's
damn near falling off.
I don't care what it costs,
I want him seen right now,
you hear me? Thank you.
Security, stand by.
I'm sitting. I'm sitting.
- You're gonna be okay.
- I'm such an idiot.
I can't even make a sock
without mutilating myself.
Look, accidents happen.
It's just bad luck.
I'll never play banjo again.
You never played before.
- Well, now it's off the table.
- Oh.
- Bob.
- There you are.
Wife of mine.
ABISHOLA: Are you okay, Douglas?
- No.
- Why are you still waiting?
Her.
I guess if you're not losing an organ
Why is my brother-in-law
sitting in the waiting room
with a grade three laceration?
We're swamped down here.
If he even loses a fingernail
due to your negligence,
I'll report you to the review board.
Review board.
She's good.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- Success! No fingers left behind.
(CHEERING)
Bring it in, buddy.
I didn't expect everybody to be here.
All right, let's give him some room.
No, no, it's nice.
Enough, he needs to rest. Come.
We brought ice cream.
Would you like some?
Sounds good, thanks.
I-I think everyone would like ice cream.
You're on heavy pain medication.
You might have some trouble with food.
Good point. Just a beer.
I think everyone would like a beer.
I got him some ice.
Ooh, thank you. We got you some ice.
So, what happened, sweetie?
I was just being careless.
Classic Douglas.
Enough of that, it was an accident.
I don't want to say it again.
- Okay.
- You have spent
hour after hour working
on that warehouse floor.
Hell, you've been coming in on
the weekends just to learn the
new machines. If this happened
to somebody as skilled as you,
it could've happened to anybody.
- Thanks, Bob.
- You're welcome.
- We're all just glad you're okay.
- Mm.
I love you, buddy.
I love you, too.
(CHOKING UP):
Did you see that the Lions, they
they fired their offensive coordinator?
They had to do something.
The guy's running
a West Coast offense
without the personnel.
They really do love each other.
Guess you have to lose a finger
to receive some affection around here.
(CHUCKLES)
Honey, give it a rest.
You will be fine. I still have
the scar on my hand from
when I was a little girl.
I got it playing in the tool shed
at my grandfather's farm.
I remember that.
I did not know
great-grandfather had a farm.
He grew cassava.
We would drive up and help
him harvest it by hand.
Working on your grandfather's farm
must've been a very
special time for you.
You know,
my Uncle Willy had a sweet corn farm.
Bob, please. My mother is speaking.
All right.
Well, in August, we would all
pile in the car, and then we
(BASEBALL PLAYING ON TV)
You starting to like baseball?
No, not really.
It grows on you.
Okay.
So, this spring training
game does not even count?
Nope. Basically, a big practice.
And because you were at work,
the game already happened.
But instead of just looking up who won,
you are watching it.
I'm a complicated man.
(SIGHS) That is one way to put it.
(PHONE CHIMES)
Aw, my brother says his date went well.
- Mm. That is wonderful.
- Yeah, hang on,
let me write him back.
Thumbs up. Party hat.
Good for him.
After ending a relationship,
it can be hard to try again.
Tell me about it. After my divorce,
I had trouble moving on.
You are being modest.
No man who can flirt with a woman
while wearing a hospital gown
- has trouble with the ladies.
- (CHUCKLES)
I'm telling you. It went Lorraine,
a lot of frozen pizzas for dinner,
and then you.
Aw, you love me more than pizza.
(CHUCKLES)
What about you?
A lot of microwave jollof after Tayo?
Uh, I had a boyfriend or two.
Was it "a" or two?
One was very serious. His name was Ke
You know what?
I think we shared enough for now.
- Okay.
- Okay.