Gilmore Girls s04e17 Episode Script

This is humiliating.
No, we passed humiliating|two minutes ago.
Luke's gonna be out of doughnuts|by the time we get there.
I don't know why he won't buy|six extra-sprinkled ones so we'd never have the conversation which we're going to have|if we ever get there.
I've got school in two hours.
|I won't make it.
Kirk, how are you doing? You sure? You seem to be having a little trouble|forming words there.
No.
Fine Me.
You don't have to take us|all the way to Luke's.
- Yes, Kirk, listen to her.
|- I offered you the first ride in Kirk's new Stars Hollow pedicab,|and that is exactly what you're gonna get.
Okay.
Time just whizzes by|when you're riding in a pedicab.
- Hey, guys.
|- Hey, Gypsy.
- Gypsy just out-strolled us.
|- We gotta get out of here.
- How are we doing back there?|- We're doing fine, Kirk.
I figure this baby's|gonna be a real money A real money? Money what, Kirk? - Kirk, can you breathe?|- Talk to us.
Hit the handlebars three times|if you can breathe and two if you can't.
- He hit once.
|- What does once mean? That he couldn't make it to twice? - Kirk, stop, please.
|- Just for a second.
Then we'll be on our way.
Like the wind.
Okay, you know what, Kirk?|This has been really fun but I think we'll just hoof it|the rest of the way.
- But the ride wasn't over.
|- We don't want to hog the cab.
- Since there's only one.
|- We'll tell our friends.
What was wrong with the ride? Nothing.
It's great for tourists|who are new to the town and want to make sure|they don't miss a thing.
I wasn't going that slow.
No, you just maybe need|a little more training before tourist season kicks in.
Take a spinning class or buy some legs.
- Sorry, Kirk.
|- You will be sorry.
You'll be sorry|you turned down a chance - to ride in Stars Hollow's first|- Now he's gonna hate us forever.
No, he's not.
He'll just hate us|till something shiny comes by.
Well, well I guess it wasn't me|that was slowing things down.
I guess it was my big, fat cargo.
|Freshman 15! - Can't wait to get my doughnuts!|- Stay away from my doughnut, Kirk! I mean it.
It's my doughnut! Freak! Might as well stick your head|in a sugar bowl.
If you can find one big enough.
You can't eat like that forever, you know? - What are you getting?|- All-Bran.
Asher turned me on to it.
He's a romantic.
He wants me to live a long time|and be healthy.
That is romantic.
Okay.
Just a joke.
|No reflection on your man-friend.
So after breakfast,|I'll pick up the sign for our table and then I'll meet you in the courtyard.
- Antioxidants.
|- I'll meet you in the courtyard.
I'm actually really excited about this.
It's our first social protest|of significance in college.
I know, it's so exciting.
We actually get to do|something important make a difference, have a say in the world.
Wouldn't it be amazing if we could|get one Burmese prisoner released - because of our petition?|- You think small.
Let's get them all out.
- Even the guilty ones.
|- Hell, yes.
Seriously? Because that'd be great,|really great.
So I'll pick you up at 7:00,|Saturday morning.
- Okay, Glenn.
|- Thank you, seriously.
No problem, Glenn.
This is a turning point.
You know how you have them,|when even the angry voices in your head - have to shut up for just a minute?|- Sure.
Why is he so happy? I couldn't get away earlier|for spring break.
My friends are leaving without me.
I need a ride, Glenn has a van,|and there you go.
You're going to Florida with a guy who's bummed he got turned down|by that German cannibal? That was just a rumor|and, yes, I'm desperate.
Glenn's not that bad.
You'll be fine.
There's room in the van|if you guys need a ride.
No, thank you.
|I don't think we're gonna do the whole spring-break thing.
Ever since I broke up with Moondoggie,|soaking up the rays isn't the same.
It'll be really fun.
You're missing out.
I'm not a spring break kind of gal,|but thank you for the offer.
Okay, but if you change your mind Gary Gilmore's got room in the car.
Got it.
Janet, if you have a chance,|you should stop by and sign our petition|for political prisoners in Burma.
I'll try.
I have to run out|and get a new bathing suit - before my class this afternoon.
|- Okay.
Think of all the tortured souls|festering in Burma while you're at the size-two rack.
I hate that she's thin.
Hi, Luke.
I saw you come in.
I was gonna get to you.
Sorry.
If you don't like the service,|you can go elsewhere.
- Who could not like the service?|- I'm busy.
You ready to order? - Coffee for now.
Is everything okay?|- You're not gonna eat? I just came in for coffee|and to show you something.
We got the sample stationery|and postcards for the inn.
- What?|- The stationery and the postcards you leave in the guest's room so that they can|write a letter home saying: "Having a great time,|wish you were here," which they don't because you were what they|were trying to get away from.
- Nobody uses that stuff.
|- Sure they do.
I have never once stayed in a hotel and used the stationery|or written a postcard.
- Are you gonna order?|- I did order, and what is with you? Nothing, I'm fine.
The paper is fine.
|The postcards are fine.
Why are you showing them to me? Because you're an investor in the inn.
I want to keep you apprised|of the goings-on.
- I am not an investor.
I loaned you money.
|- That is what investors do.
- An investor goes to meetings.
|- We're having a meeting.
- They're involved in business decisions.
|- Hello.
Stationery.
Decide.
Yes, no? I'll get your coffee.
- Do you want to talk about it?|- What? Whatever it is|that's put you in this charming mood.
- I'm not wearing my socks.
|- What? - I'm not wearing my socks.
|- So, what are those, someone else's? - Yes.
|- What? - I'm wearing someone else's socks.
|- I'm sorry, I need more.
- I spent the night at Nicole's place.
|- Also known as your place.
Got up a little late, grabbed|a pair of socks, and was halfway to work when I realized|they were someone else's socks.
And you're sure about this? If there's one thing in this life|I am sure about, it's my socks.
I buy the same brand in bulk,|and I've been doing this forever.
My socks are all white with a red stripe.
These are white with a gold stripe|and some sort of fruity padding in the toe.
- Maybe they're Jess' socks.
|- They are not Jess' socks.
Maybe when you went|to the Laundromat someone accidentally left|a pair of socks in the dryer - and then your-|- I don't go to a Laundromat.
Maybe they're Nicole's socks.
|You know, her gym socks or - You're not wearing your socks.
|- I am not wearing my socks.
Show your support|for the Burmese prisoners.
Sign up now.
Take a stand.
This bowl of rice is all|a Burmese prisoner gets to eat in a day.
One bowl, that's it.
|No butter or soy sauce Enjoy your "Maxim.
"|You couldn't read that in Burma! - I'm freezing.
|- Me, too.
Look at all these hypocrites passing by.
Everyone claims|to be so politically aware but not one person can stop by|for two seconds to sign a stupid petition.
- People suck.
You all suck!|- Paris, the rice! Great, we have one prop,|and it's blowing away.
- You knocked it over.
|- You put it in front of me.
How was I to know you'd jump out|of your seat like a maniac? You know me.
You room with me.
|You should've known.
- Hey, Rory, Paris.
|- Glenn, I'm so glad you stopped by because this is an issue|that affects every person that has a heart and a soul.
A great injustice|is being perpetrated on our watch and we've got to do something to stop it.
Aren't you gonna sign the petition? No, I just needed a place|to put my sandwich down.
- Is that a raindrop?|- Yep.
- Out of the way.
|- Move! Is it raining? No, it's National Baptism Day.
|Tie your tubes, idiot.
- Wet.
|- Cold.
Go! - I get the radiator.
|- No way.
- You got it last night.
|- I did not! You took up the whole thing with your "Hey, Gore,|do not endorse me" sweatshirt and my blue sweater is still soaked.
- Fine, take half.
|- Oh, my God, I'm cold! - Can't stop shaking.
|- We're wimps.
We would last two seconds in Burma.
- At least it's warm in Burma.
|- Yeah.
Okay, we're horrible.
This is the kind of cold|you read about in a Dickens novel.
We should be in a workhouse|or shilling for Fagin.
It's supposed to be spring.
|Why is it still cold? It's been the coldest winter|in the history of winter.
My brain, I think it's frozen.
|Is that possible? And these gray skies,|it's a blanket of misery.
All I can think about is getting warm.
|That's all I can think about.
It's warm in Florida.
- What?|- Nothing.
- Did you say Florida?|- No.
- Yes.
|- Seriously? - Maybe.
|- But it's spring break.
- I know.
|- It's girls gone wild and boys doing the twist.
- Are we spring-breaky people?|- I don't know what we are but I am so cold|that the thought of spending a week with a bunch of drunken bimbos|and rattle-headed frat boys seems like a very good|trade-off for being warm.
Warm Warm Mom, where's my bathing suit? - Do you have a bathing suit?|- Of course I have a bathing suit.
- When was the last time you wore it?|- I don't remember.
- Did it involve a rubber ducky?|- No.
I don't think.
Check the bottom drawer,|and I will look in your closet.
So now, tell me again.
Who's driving? - Glenn.
It's his mom's van.
|- And this Glenn, he's a good driver? - I have no idea.
|- Kid, you've got to learn to lie.
Glenn's a very responsible guy.
|I'm sure it'll be fine.
- And the place you're staying is safe?|- Yes.
Now you're catching on.
Bathing suit! Now we just have to find|the wimple that goes with it.
Give me that, please.
Was I supposed to clear this|with you first? - Clear what with me?|- Going away.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't live here anymore,|so I'm not sure what the protocol is.
I think as long as I know now and I feel as if I have veto power,|we're good.
- You have veto power?|- No, I feel as if I have veto power.
- Very different statement.
|- Got it.
You'll call me a lot|while you're there, right? You're not worried, are you? Because I'm just going for the sun|and to read, nothing more.
I know.
It's just, it's always the good kids|who've never had a drink that take one sip of Kahlua|and fall out of a window.
So you're sad you never taught me|how to drink? - Exactly.
|- Grab a bottle and some quarters.
Let's go.
- No falling out of windows.
|- Not even a first-floor one.
And don't drink.
|After you're done not drinking drink tons of water|and take two aspirins before bed.
- Got it.
|- And take Paris with you everywhere.
- Not much can happen with that girl along.
|- Got it.
They're here.
Maybe they can stop by|a bathing-suit store along the way.
- My suit is fine.
|- No, sure it is.
It's nice to be able to go|from the beach to the mosque without having to change.
- Seriously, Paris, get out!|- No.
I have to drive.
You drive exactly|like you look like you drive.
- What's that mean?|- You speed like a maniac.
You zip in and out of lanes.
You tailgate.
- They were going two miles an hour.
|- It was a driving-school car.
They went to school to learn a lesson.
I was just giving them|their money's worth.
- Hey, guys.
|- Let's go.
We're on a schedule.
|Get away from Glenn.
- Thank God you're here.
|- Glenn, this is my mom.
Hi, I'm Lorelai.
Congratulations on being|student of the month - at the Grandville Middle School.
|- Thanks.
- You looking forward to the beach?|- Yes, I am.
You don't have to show up|in what you're going to wear.
They let you change when you get there.
- I'm not cold.
|- No, of course not.
Could you? Thanks.
- How come Paris is driving?|- Are we going through this again? I didn't know you'd gone through it.
I can't be in a car|if anybody else is driving, okay? If I die in a car crash,|it will be at my own hand.
- Hi, Paris.
|- Hi, Lorelai.
- Bye.
No windows.
|- No windows.
Glenn, would you mind|if Rory sits up front? - She gets carsick.
|- Okay.
Airbags.
Okay have fun.
Drive safely.
Let's go, and say a prayer for the roadkill.
You're a lunatic! I shaved three hours|off the MapQuest estimate.
How about a thank you?|Who's in charge here? I'm guessing pink shirts and white shorts.
I think my clothing choice|has been vindicated.
Swank attire and desperation for approval.
|The chicks are gonna eat you up.
- It is warm.
Are you feeling the warmth?|- I'm definitely starting to thaw.
- Name, please.
|- It's under Billings.
Okay, we have you girls in Room 6.
- Room 6.
Okay.
And what is your name?|- Jack.
Well, Jack, hello.
|I'm Paris, and this is Andrew.
We want to make sure|that we're getting your very best room.
Actually, Room 9 has a better view,|and it's closer to the ice machine.
Let's go with nine.
|Now, who's gonna help with our bags? Good.
Okay, those four bags.
|Rory, your book bag? Sure.
- I'm gonna go for a run.
|- Now? Just a short one around the block.
She looks so normal,|and then that happens.
Come on.
Paris Geller, Room 9.
Remember that.
A lot of people make the mistake|of tipping at the end of a trip.
But I always tip as you go along.
That way, they never know|when the honey pot dries up and it keeps them from going through|your stuff and robbing you blind.
Paris Geller, Room 9.
Remember that.
Man, look at that.
|We're right on the ocean.
Paris, look at it.
It's right there.
I see it.
We're in Room 9.
Feel free to keep the sheets clean|and the towels coming.
Okay, not bad.
You know what would be swell?|A VCR to go with that television set.
You mind? You're aces, pal, really.
|I'm giving the toast at your wedding.
At least it doesn't smell bad in here.
Pull your covers down and roll on the bed.
Why? We are sharing this room|with four other girls.
Plus 10 K Barbie.
|We have to stake out our territory.
Yes, and then we need to up your dosage.
Look, a person comes in,|they see a dent in the bed - possibly a hair on the pillow.
|- So the person's David Caruso? They'll figure that bed is taken.
They will move on to the couch|or the rollaway.
- That's insane.
|- Okay, suit yourself.
And I was worried I would feel stupid.
Stupid, but well rested.
- How long do we have to do this?|- I think we're good.
- I'm really comfortable right now.
|- Yeah, me, too.
Sounds like more are arriving.
- Where are you going?|- To see what all the ruckus is about.
Wait for me.
I like ruckus.
Man, that's a lot of people|stuffed in that tiny car.
They should all be wearing Shriner hats.
Hey.
- That was subtle.
|- What are you talking about? - The "Joanie Loves Chachi" moment.
|- He said hey.
- I heard.
|- I said hey back.
- You did.
|- I was being polite.
In Burma,|you'd be married or brutally killed.
I'm gonna go make your bed.
Don't you dare.
Man, I'm thirsty.
Root beer? - Paris, that guy doesn't work here.
|- Not yet.
But look at that mug of his.
|It's only a matter of time.
- I overslept again.
|- I know.
- Why didn't you get me up?|- I tried, and you bit me.
I did not bite you.
- I did bite you.
Cool!|- Here, eat this before it gets cold.
You made French toast? - I had a lot of energy after my run, so|- You went running? I had to wait for the laundry to dry,|and I'd already read the papers.
- You had an entire day before I woke up.
|- Here, you want bacon? You slaughtered a pig between the running|and the French toast? Yes, and by the way,|that whole ozone-layer problem? - Taken care of.
|- You're my Green-Party hero.
- Here.
|- Oh, no.
Can't.
I have to get to the printers|and pick up the brochures because today is mailing day.
- But, do you have a Baggie?|- Yeah, here.
Perfect.
- What are you doing?|- This is French toast on the go.
The other drivers on the road love it.
Come here.
I'll call you later.
- Okay.
|- We'll plan our weekend.
Lorelai, hold on a second.
Here.
- Key.
|- Yeah, it's a key to the apartment.
Good.
- Do you want me to let someone in?|- No, it's just an extra key.
I thought, if you were coming over|and I was running late this way, you didn't have to wait|in the hallway.
- Okay.
|- Or if you were carrying something and you couldn't wait for me|to get to the door this way, you're all set.
Okay, good.
Makes sense.
Yeah, it's just a practical thing.
|It's not a big deal.
- Good.
|- Or you don't have to take it.
- No, I'll take it.
|- I mean, I know how it is.
You've got your keys on your ring just so and then you put in a new one,|it throws off the whole balance.
- If you think-|- Or you can keep it.
- You sure?|- If you want.
- I can go either way.
|- It's fine with me.
- Well, which way?|- Either way.
I'll take it, okay? - Thanks for the French toast.
|- Thanks for the hand injury.
Anytime.
Bye.
Go! - Here, we're over here.
|- How did we get a tent? - Toby, again.
Classic tip whore.
|- Which one's Toby? The one with the bandaged hand.
|He cut it setting this up.
- I popped him another sawbuck.
|- Cool tent! How'd we get it? Stay ignorant, Glenn.
It comes with the oppressive guilt|of the ruling class.
Okay.
Hey, Janet, I like your suit.
- Thanks, Glenn.
|- Hey, hot dogs.
Man, it is so loud out here.
You never think of the beach|as being loud.
You do when there's a band of Huns|reenacting "Top Gun" in back of you.
- Hey, throw it back.
|- No! - What are you doing?|- Putting a towel down.
- Don't.
|- Why? We have 100 towels in the room.
There's so many towels,|there's basically no room for us.
- I need my ball.
|- You need a couple of them, pal.
Here.
Ignore her.
She likes it.
- Rory, stop.
|- I'm not gonna sit in the sand, Paris.
Over here.
Great, okay.
Thanks.
Now, we're going to need|a fruit plate in about an hour and keep the iced tea coming.
- What?|- Nothing but admiration here.
I'm going to go do my laps in the ocean.
- You work out on spring break?|- Exercise is a high.
You should try it.
- Sure, I'll meet you out there.
|- Are you properly sunscreened? Ten minutes in the sun|can cause irreparable skin damage.
And constant shoulder tension|creates a hunchback.
Fine, go.
I hear melanoma is very in|this year.
Here, Casper, you'd better use this.
You're just lucky|you have a fruit plate coming.
Rory, Paris! Oh, my God! Hello, babies.
- Unbelievable.
|- What are you guys doing here? - Spring break!|- We came for Tulane's spring break - and just stayed.
|- We've been here a month.
- Great lifeguards.
|- I'm so excited to see you guys.
Paris, you missed a spot.
I can see skin.
So, when did you get here? -2:00 this morning.
|- I love 2:00 in the morning.
- You guys are having a good time?|- Way better than most other people.
We're very competitive.
It took a few weeks|to get the right routine down but now we own this town.
The Chamber of Commerce|must be thrilled.
I think the last place on earth I would ever expect to find|Paris Geller is at spring break.
I'm up for new things.
Then we have to make sure|you do this right.
- There are rules.
|- There always are in a civilized society.
It is very important to find|the right hot club every night and it changes.
What was hot last night is not tonight.
Adjust your sleeping patterns|for maximum partying.
Mid-to-late-afternoon sleeping|allows the best all-night stamina.
Okay.
You got that, Paris? Were we really friends at one point? They do card at the clubs,|but there's a million ways around it.
- Major flirting.
|- A sexy voice.
And if all that fails, make out.
- With who?|- Each other.
- Excuse me?|- We found if we kiss each other,|we can get anything from guys.
Free drinks, food.
- T-shirts, boat rides, Frisbees.
|- Earrings, sea-do's.
Okay.
That is a good tip.
Yeah, maybe later|I'll pants you for an Altoid.
- Where are you staying?|- The Sea Sprite.
- That's cute.
|- We've made out there.
Louise, it's 1:00.
- We've got to go get to bed.
|- We'll come see you tonight.
Hey, guys.
I liked the pants-you-for-an-Altoid thing.
Oh, my God, I'm starving.
I can't believe|what a great video store that was.
A little research before a trip|always helps.
Pizza and "The Power Of Myth.
" A perfect evening.
What? Nothing.
Just checking the messages,|that's all.
- You're expecting a call from Asher?|- No, I'm not expecting a call.
He's at a conference in Denver,|so I'm not expecting a call.
I mean, he knows I'm here and I left him a contact number,|in case of emergencies but not expecting a call.
God, I love this.
I've seen it four times.
- Five.
|- Seriously? It was almost six but my mom tried to be funny one day|and hid it.
- I thought you and your mom got along?|- Even we have our dark periods.
- It sounds like quite a party out there.
|- Yep.
I think someone|just got thrown in the pool.
I hope it's the guy who took my $5|and never bought me a root beer.
This is a good song.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Are we doing this right?|- Doing what right? Spring break.
We're in here alone|with Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers and everyone else is out there with- - Everyone else?|- Yeah.
But, we love Bill Moyers.
Yes, we do love Bill Moyers.
|But we did come here for spring break and I'm just wondering|if we're not spring-breaking the way you're supposed to spring-break.
You're probably right.
I mean, if we're here,|we should probably commit.
- Try to experience the entire event.
|- With other people, outside this room.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Let's commit.
- Okay.
Starting now?|- Starting now.
- Tomorrow's fine, too.
|- Absolutely.
historicaI atlas of world mythology.
His effort to bring under one roof the spirituaI and intellectuaI|wisdom of a lifetime.
- I got $5 on the blond with the tattoo.
|- You always go for the tattoos.
God, I'm starving.
I haven't had anything|but vending-machine junk.
There's nothing around here.
I would kill for something non-synthetic.
Perfect.
Okay, forget I said giant Q-Tips.
They're not hitting each other|with giant Q-Tips.
But now I can't get giant Q-Tips|out of my head.
It's too powerful a visual.
I know, I'm sorry.
- So how is it?|- It's good so far.
- Yeah, how good?|- I haven't had a drink yet.
Okay, are you sure you weren't drinking and that's why you think|they're giant Q-Tips? Maybe.
Hello? What just happened? You sound distracted.
|Did something cute just walk by? No, I was just trying|to think of something better to describe the giant Q-Tips.
- So I'll call you later, okay?|- No windows.
No windows.
What? - Excellent taste.
|- What's his name? - Whose name?|- The guy you were just staring at.
- I wasn't staring.
|- Oh, no.
- The twins.
|- God, they're everywhere.
- So?|- We can't compete against twins.
Especially once they caught on|to the whole kissing thing.
- Let's find another pool.
|- We'll see you guys tonight.
Okay.
Why don't you go get us something|at the bar? - What?|- Then you can go talk to that guy.
- That's okay.
|- Come on, go.
Flirting seems to be a very big part|of this spring-break ritual, and I'm taken.
I can't flirt.
I have to live vicariously through you.
The banana-eating contest|is about to start on the upper leveI.
- Real food.
Thank God.
|- Paris.
Do you know|what those things are called that they hit each other in the pool with? No, I don't.
Just wondering.
- Did I lose points for that?|- No, no points lost.
Sean, man, come on! Coming.
See you.
Okay.
See you.
Excuse me for thinking|a banana-eating contest was about eating a banana! - You guys want something?|- Maybe later.
We'll be back.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Quite a scene.
Yeah, I guess we found|the hot place tonight.
Yep, no one can sniff out the hip|like we can.
Okay, so, here we are.
- We should do something.
|- What? - I don't know.
|- We could dance.
Dance? Okay, sure.
Let's dance.
Okay, let's dance.
- This is fun.
|- Yep.
- I think your husband's here.
|- What? Where? - Why don't you go buy him a drink?|- What, like a nice ginger ale? You could get Madeline and Louise|to buy a drink for you and then you could go bring it to him.
Well, that was|the shortest relationship ever.
- What?|- He looked, he saw, he changed his mind.
Sorry.
- Okay, what is going on here?|- What? Why is every single person in this place|having a better time than we are? - I don't know that they are.
|- Look around.
Every single person in this place|is having a better time than us.
Why? I mean, we've been doing|everything everybody else is.
- We're here in the hot place.
|- So we're not great dancers.
We did the hanging-out-at-the-pool part|pretty well.
We're not trying hard enough.
What are you talking about?|This is not a test.
We came here to do spring break,|and we are going to do spring break.
What else do you suggest we do? - What are you doing? Are you crazy?|- Madeline and Louise do it.
Madeline and Louise wear their underwear|outside of their clothes.
I don't want to do|what Madeline and Louise do.
- I just thought-|- Just stop thinking, okay? Your thinking is very, very dangerous.
- Rory.
|- Get away from me.
You're not my type.
- Will you just wait?|- What? - How was I?|- What? - As a kisser?|- Oh, man! I've always wanted to know and you can't ask a guy.
|That shows low self esteem which I've read is really not sexy.
So tell me.
How am I? Too stiff?|Do I need to relax my lips a little maybe open my mouth more,|make it more inviting? - I need some fresh air.
|- Hey, where are you going? - Outside.
|- Can I come with you? - Maybe your girlfriend wants to come, too.
|- My girlfriend? - I gotta tell you, that was some kiss.
|- Oh, my God! The movie was good.
|Nice to see Michael Caine working again.
Which was sarcastic|because he works a lot constantly.
Never says no to anything,|which can be risky, you know? - Lowers your batting average.
|- Well, I'm glad you liked it.
Jason, you're making me|work too hard tonight.
- I know.
|- I mean, I wore the cute boots, you know? - Do you see the cute boots?|- Very cute boots.
I had a full night,|what with the walking straight the balancing,|and the not yelping out in pain.
If I'd known I'd also have|to do all the talking, I'd - I think I did it wrong.
|- You did what wrong? - The key that I gave you.
|- The key to your apartment? - The key was supposed to say something.
|- So it's a talking key.
Look, you and I are hitting that point|in a relationship where I usually break it off.
Well, should we get a cake? Every single time, with every|other woman I've been involved with - this is about the time that I would|- Bolt? I was gonna say run,|but bolt sounds much more masculine so yeah, sure, bolt.
Well, it's time to bolt.
Okay, good thing|you're not wearing my boots.
- I don't think I'm doing this right, either.
|- No, you're doing it just fine.
It's cold, so The other night, I woke up,|and the timer went off in my head: "Hey, buddy, it's about that time.
"|So I did what I always do.
I thought about you, about us and I thought about all the things|that bother me and I came up with nothing.
- Nothing?|- I went over it and over it in my head.
That feeling, that I-want-out feeling it wasn't there.
What was there was|the very strong sense that if I did bolt I might as well go out|and find a pointy hat a stool, and a classroom|full of sixth graders because I'd be an absolute idiot|to screw this up.
- So I went out and made the key.
|- The talking key.
And I was hoping that the key would say|that this is different and that I want you in my life|a lot more than you are now.
Wow.
Well I mean, it would have been more|interesting to hear that from the key it's definitely more romantic|hearing it from you.
I'm gonna go take care of Mr.
Caine|for you now.
- I would appreciate that.
|- Good night.
Good night, Jason.
Hey, It's Luke.
I'm sorry to be calling you like this but I was wondering if,|when you get this message if you could come pick me up|because I need a ride.
I'm in Litchfield,|the corner of Mason and Pine.
It's a big, white building.
You'll recognize it|by the police sign outside because, oh, hell, I'm in jaiI.
Okay, there.
I said it.
Long story.
I'll tell you when you get here.
Thanks if you come.
One more thing.
I need to borrow a little money, $300.
It's just a loan,|and, oh, hell, it's for my baiI.
I'm getting off now! Relax! I think the two of you|would make a great couple.
- No way.
|- Why not? You're way too high maintenance for me.
The whole place was buzzing|about the kiss.
- Even the twins were jealous.
|- Super, great.
Love to hear that.
Who needs more?|Everybody? Good.
I'll be right back.
So, Paris, how's the Princeton man? - Jaime and I broke up.
|- Paris has a different man now.
- You do?|- I'm dating a professor.
- Tenured?|- Ages ago.
Well, Anna Nicole, look at you.
He's brilliant, a writer,|very distinguished, handsome.
- Don't you think he's handsome?|- Handsome.
Sure, very handsome.
He's a real man.
He's just so amazing.
I still can't believe that we're together.
I made them a little stronger this time.
Cool, it'll be fun|to watch the cups dissolve.
- Paris bagged herself an older man.
|- I love older men.
They take you to the best restaurants.
He went to a conference|in Denver this week.
He was so nice, you know.
|Really excited about me coming to Florida.
He thinks it's a good idea to hang out|with people my own age.
I kind of hoped that he would invite me to go to Denver with him,|but, you know, he didn't.
- He had to work, Paris.
|- I know, or he's sick of me.
No.
Maybe he's going to dump me.
- Does he still buy you jewelry?|- He's never bought me jewelry.
He hasn't?|How much money does he have? - Asher isn't rich.
|- Not rich? Curiouser and curiouser.
You're just being paranoid.
|He wants you to have fun.
Someone who wants you to have fun|is someone who cares about you both of you because there are two of you,|and they're spinning.
Hidden punch.
Just keep me away|from any windows, please.
Whatever happened|to that boyfriend of yours? - Who, Jess?|- No.
- Dean.
|- Dean, that's it.
How's Dean? God, he was gorgeous.
- He's fine.
|- Is he still gorgeous? - Yes.
Definitely, yes.
|- You two aren't together? - No, actually he's married.
|- What? Why? Well, he met Lindsay,|and they got married.
She's pretty, blond, tall, leggy.
Good, just what the world needs.
|Another one of those.
- She's nice, too.
|- Prediction.
- She's psychic.
|- Since when? Since about six months ago.
|I think it's not gonna last.
Two married 19-year-olds won't make it.
|Boy, that's a risky bet.
I think it won't last|because he was way too in love with you.
- But we've been broken up for a long time.
|- But he only had eyes for you, girlfriend.
- And deep, long, soulful Rory-eyes.
|- No, not anymore.
- You don't talk at all anymore?|- No, we still talk.
We're still friends.
Yes, you are.
Cell-phone friends.
You have your ex-boyfriend's number|in your cell phone? - I told you we were friends.
|- First loves are very intense.
My mom's still in love with her first love.
She tells my father that|over and over and I think I just dialed his number.
- Madeline, no!|- Oh, my God, it's ringing! Hang up! It's his voice mail.
Sexy voice.
- Hang up.
|- I think it's gonna It beeped.
- Talk.
|- Dean, hi.
It's Rory.
I'm sorry to call you like this,|but we're on spring break and I don't know if you|remember Madeline and Louise but they're evil,|and we were just talking about you.
Hi.
How are you? I'm gonna hang up now, so bye.
|Sorry, bye.
I'm going to kill you! Oh, my God, I'm so gonna kill you!|It's going to be bad and deathlike, and I'm gonna go for a walk|because this punch - is starting to live up to its name.
|- I'll go with you.
Don't move, because|I'm going to come back to kill you.
We'll be here.
There.
My truck.
You know, Luke, you don't have to tell me|what happened, unless you want to.
But I promise I won't ask you|about it again ever, in this lifetime or the next.
You know, I'll just tell Shirley MacLaine: "Hey, look, back off, Shirl.
"If Luke had wanted me to know "he would have told me|back in my other lifetime "and I certainly don't expect-" I wanted to see who owned the socks.
- And did you?|- I think so.
I just had a feeling tonight.
Nicole was kind of vague on her plans,|so I told her I'd stay at the diner and then I drove up here,|and I parked, and I waited.
And then this car pulled up,|and she got out with him.
And they went inside and I watched them go.
And you're sure|he's the owner of the socks? Well, I didn't ask him,|but he's the owner of the socks.
And if he isn't,|the picture's still not looking very good.
I agree with you there.
Anyway, I sat here|and watched them go inside.
Then all these thoughts|were rolling around in my head.
I mean, how could she do this, you know?|In there.
In our house.
I put bookshelves up in there.
If it makes you feel any better,|I don't think he's using your bookshelves.
I suddenly just got so mad,|you know, I lost it.
I had to do something so I got out and marched up to his car,|and I kicked it.
You kicked his car? I kicked it hard|and over and over and over again.
You beat up his car.
Then all of the sudden,|these cops pull up because some busybody|in the neighborhood saw some lunatic attacking a car and - Well, you know the rest.
|- Did Nicole see you? I don't know|what she and the sock man saw.
God, I feel like such an idiot.
I mean, suddenly I became|like one of those guys that gets jealous and, you know,|does crazy things.
You weren't like one of those guys.
- You were one of those guys.
|- Yeah, well.
- Was there any damage?|- No.
Luke? Luke, where are you going? See? Nothing.
Not a scratch.
- Those stupid dent-resistant panels.
|- This is the car? Yes, this is the car.
He sat there.
She sat there.
|They got out there, walked up there I jumped out there, ran up here was handcuffed there,|was driven off there I went to jail and you drove all the way|up here to get me - and they are still in there!|- Luke.
I can't believe they're still in there.
|What are they doing? Luke, come on.
I know what they're doing.
|But even if you took one of those pills that they were hawking|at the Super Bowl, you know they should have been done|in four or five hours tops.
That commercial said it all: If you're still active after four hours,|you should call the damn doctor.
- Come on, why don't we-|- What are they, talking? Making plans in my house? Damn son of a You lying piece of sockless garbage! Why don't you take home my socks, too? Luke, you were busted already|once tonight.
That's it.
All right, I'm fine.
- Are you sure?|- Yeah.
Pretty soon,|that car's gonna start fighting back.
I'm fine.
Really.
I'm fine.
You know, Luke,|I know I've never really been Miss This-Is-Great|about your relationship but I am so, so sorry.
You don't deserve this.
- You really don't deserve this.
|- Yeah.
- I guess that's it.
|- Yeah.
Well, at least|I finally got to see your house.
Fresh air is good.
Fresh air is healthy.
I'm feeling better.
- Gotta sit.
|- Me, too.
- What was in the punch? Did we ask?|- No.
- Should we have asked?|- That's not what the cool kids do.
I'm loving the spinning beach.
|How about you? Yeah.
- So are we done?|- With what? - Spring break.
Are we done?|- I don't know.
Let's go down the list.
- Okay, we came.
|- Check.
- We danced.
|- Check.
- We drank.
|- Check.
We threw up.
- We didn't throw up.
|- Give us 10 more minutes.
- Right.
|- Basically, we're done.
I feel like we have officially participated.
We've experienced the entire social ritual.
I have absolutely no desire|to ever feel this way again.
- Let's go home.
|- How? We're supposed to stay|the rest of the weekend.
Frequent flyer miles, baby.
Cool peanuts.
I'm in.
Great.
I'll call as soon as I can get up.
- What's that?|- What? Oh, my God! Glenn! What happened to you? The last time we saw you,|you went to get a hot dog.
Hot dog? Hot dog.
You gotta admit,|it's been a pretty good trip.
So I call this place|where you were supposedly staying - and some punk at the desk tells me|- I said I was sorry.
"I'm sorry, ma'am,|she's not here anymore.
" My heart flew out of my chest and not just because|he called me "ma'am," which I hate.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
You don't take off without telling Mommy.
I love that I didn't have to ask you|to go on spring break but I had to ask you to come home.
I had visions of you|being swallowed by a whale or taking off with some surfers|to go chase the perfect wave and not inviting me.
- It just got to be way too much fun.
|- Yeah? How much is too much? - I had a drink.
|- And? Paris and I took turns throwing up.
That's the way you girls|will find yourselves a husband.
It was fine.
|Aspirin, tons of water, mac and cheese My baby's discovered|her first hangover food.
I wish I had a picture|to put next to your clay handprints.
I think I still have the box.
Send it to me.
So how was it? It was interesting, you know?|We sat on the beach, went to a club we watched "The Power of Myth,"|Paris and I kissed- Whoa! You watched "The Power of Myth?" - Hold on a sec.
|- I hid that from you.
- Hello?|- Hey, Rory, it's me.
Hi.
Dean, hold on a sec.
Mom, I have to call you back.
You did not spend spring break|with Bill Moyers.
Bye.
- Hi.
|- So, I got your message.
- Oh, yeah?|- Yeah.
It sounds like you were|having a pretty good time out there.
I've got a lot of questions.
|I even wrote a couple down.
Are you ready? English