Impractical Jokers (2017) s04e17 Episode Script
Sneaking Number Twos, Going Number One
narrator: Coming up, why is joe being an impractical poker? there he is! Joe being an impractical poker? there he is! oh! there he is! oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
narrator: What's giving murr [ laughter .]
narrator: What's giving murr a panic attack? narrator: What's giving murr a panic attack? excuse me.
A panic attack? excuse me.
Don't send that text! excuse me.
Don't send that text! Don't send that text! Don't send that text! Don't send that text! [ laughter .]
Don't send that text! [ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker [ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker will be faced with urination narrator: And which joker will be faced with urination humiliation in tonight's Will be faced with urination humiliation in tonight's punishment? Humiliation in tonight's punishment? [ all shouting .]
Punishment? [ all shouting .]
prepare for something [ all shouting .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
larry! [ laughter .]
larry! [ laughter .]
today, we're fairway market, Playing one of our favorite Games -- put pocketing, sneaking Pencils onto unsuspecting Shoppers.
you don't actually have to Get the pencil in their pocket.
As long as it stays on them, You're good.
but the shopper must keep all Your pencils in order for your Score to count.
whoever hides the most Pencils in a customer wins.
"in"? [ grunts .]
[ laughter .]
where were those?! in.
[ laughter .]
the man, the myth, the Legend, crispy vulcano.
Ready, boys? Here we go.
you ready for this? whoa! there you go.
You're getting to play.
nothing's better for put Pocketing than a loose hood.
[ laughter .]
oh, one! [ laughter .]
[ shouts .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
hello? [ laughs .]
yeah, I'm gonna get tomatoes.
I know.
[ ding! .]
three! yeah, okay, I'll get the Pasta -- the whole-wheat pasta.
[ laughter .]
four! it's freezing out, by the Way.
oh, get caught, get caught! Five! [ laughter .]
the beans are right here.
There's beans.
It says beans.
look in your hood! look in your hood for god's Sake, woman! look in your hood! look in your hood! [ laughter, applause .]
whoa! [ laughter .]
gonna go with two packages, Two packages.
she's on to you, man.
You got to get careful.
all the tomato props in the World ain't gonna help this, Buddy.
[ ding! .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ah! [ laughter, shouting .]
wasn't me.
[ laughter .]
you're holding pencils, you Idiot! [ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
I have an idea for this one.
oh [bleep.]
okay.
people won't notice pencils Being put on them when they have Something more interesting to Look at it, like my bow tie.
let's just address this right Now.
He loves this wooden bow tie, And he thinks we're all supposed To love it, but it's -- it's -- It's -- what's the word I'm Looking for? What is it? stupid.
ridiculous.
what? nothing.
You look great.
[ laughter .]
like my bow tie? It's wood.
Isn't that cool? Have you ever seen wooden bow Tie? look at this guy's hat.
yeah, you're asking a guy With this hat and this scarf Combo if that tie's cool.
[ laughs .]
by the way, he didn't say it Was good.
He said it was interesting.
That's a kind way of saying it Sucks.
[ laughs .]
Oh, here we go.
[ all shouting .]
Murray, you are oh, that is ballsy, buddy.
nice, one, two.
ballsy! oh! nice, murr! yeah, but that's not good Placement.
They're gonna fall right off.
[ ding! .]
[ laughs .]
they're gonna fall! oh, I'm impressed! oh.
that's -- that's -- oh, it's staying! no, he's got it! [ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
he found it! all that was for naught, Murr.
what is this move? he's going high, he's going High, he's going high! that's not good.
That is interesting.
that's a bad move, though.
That's a bad move.
it has to stay.
it's got to stay.
What are you doing? [ ding! .]
[ all shouting .]
[ laughter .]
and he doesn't know! wow, you pulled it off, murr! good placement.
this guy! This guy! no, this guy's -- [ indistinct shouting .]
[ buzzer .]
murray! the other guy took it off! [ laughs .]
zero! nothing.
good thing you wore that bow Tie.
[ laughs .]
tomatoes.
she has an open hood and a Backpack.
[ ding! .]
this is the carrots right Here.
Thank you so much.
I got 'em.
wait.
The game is still afoot! it's in this guy's hands! [ shouting .]
come on, tell her, tell her, Tell her! tell her! Be a good friend! tell her before she exits! [ shouting, laughter .]
don't trust the guy in the Wooden bow tie! [ groans .]
oh, there she goes! there she goes.
[ clapping .]
oh, well done, murray! [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
mango? mango.
have you guys been eating it? murray's been finger-blasting The whole thing with his hands.
I'm not finger-blasting with My hands.
I've been individually choosing One and putting it in my mouth, Yeah.
I've haven't been touching other Mango.
I'm not gross.
[ laughs .]
What are you looking for? You need help? there he goes.
organic over there and Organic here.
so, are you looking for Non-organic? he wants arugula, eggplant.
[ laughs .]
He -- [ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
uh, yeah, I [grunts.]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
uh, you're supposed to sneak.
yeah, you're supposed to Sneak it.
just -- no, it's okay.
It's all right.
It's okay.
This is -- no, no, you're not Gonna get into trouble.
You're fine, you're fine.
No, no, it's cool.
Here, here.
stop assaulting her with No.
2s! what's that? What's that? [ laughter .]
it's non-organic.
You're not gonna get in trouble.
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
Okay, there you go.
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughs .]
[ imitates buzzer .]
zero, bud! oh, oh.
[ ding! .]
[ all shouting .]
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! that is nice, dude.
he took a nice, huge dump Right in that guy's pocket.
[ all shouting .]
he's walking away! He's walking away! [ laughs .]
he's found the pencils.
he found them, he found them.
[bleep.]
oh, oh, there he goes.
he kept them! [ laughter, applause .]
[ laughing .]
yeah, you got It! [ ding! .]
all right, fellas, uh, gonna Try something out here.
okay.
so, we're gonna trojan-horse It.
oh! Wow! This is impressive.
but how are you gonna get an Eggplant inside somebody? oh, I've done it.
[ laughter .]
all right.
it's a 12-pencil eggplant.
it looks like a weapon from "mario brothers" or something.
"mario brothers" or something.
oh.
You got it? I'll help you.
Sorry.
You got it? [ chuckles .]
Start a little avalanche.
what's he doing? he started, like, an Avalanche.
[ laughter .]
Wait till the whole thing fell.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter continues .]
the whole thing fell.
[ ding! .]
Got it, yeah.
They all -- they all fell.
Oh, there you go.
[ laughs .]
no, no.
I got it, I got it.
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
no.
[ laughter continues .]
no.
it's an eggplant.
[ ding! .]
[ laughs .]
Keep it.
It's great.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter continues .]
Is that, like, an app that tells You, like, the price? oh, no, no.
It's shop for the customers, and Then somebody else delivers.
so, you shop for somebody Else? yeah.
that's really cool.
this is ballsy! so, this is like an app that Just doesn't -- [ all shouting .]
she didn't hear it fall! it fell! she didn't hear it fall! I will type in stuff, so how does it work, though? [ all shouting .]
[ laughs .]
she blocked it! you're basically -- oh, so, You do a whole shopping cart.
[ all shouting .]
[ laughing .]
oh! and what hap-- so, you're Basically shopping for people That don't want to come out in The cold? yeah.
that's really cool that you Could just do it.
It's so nice.
[ ding! .]
a-and it's just like an app? It's like a regular app? you're getting cocky! You're getting cocky! it's really cool.
[ ding! .]
[ laughs .]
all right, well, it was so Nice.
That's really cool.
Thank you.
[ all shouting .]
all right, joe, you need one More to beat murr.
[ laughter, shouting .]
ah, sucker! [ laughs .]
sucker! [ laughter .]
take that wooden bow tie and Shove it up your ass! [ laughter .]
thank you.
[ ding! .]
oh! wow! narrator: Q, murr, and sal weren't sharp enough for this challenge, so they're first up Weren't sharp enough for this challenge, so they're first up on the loser board.
Challenge, so they're first up on the loser board.
today, we're in brooklyn, On the loser board.
today, we're in brooklyn, playing a game called cellphone today, we're in brooklyn, playing a game called cellphone takeover.
Playing a game called cellphone takeover.
while chatting up park-goers, Takeover.
while chatting up park-goers, the other guys will have our while chatting up park-goers, the other guys will have our cellphones to use however they The other guys will have our cellphones to use however they see fit.
Cellphones to use however they see fit.
we could tweet, text, post, See fit.
we could tweet, text, post, call, whatevs.
if you don't allow us to use Your phone however we want, you Lose.
gentlemen, let the games Begin! oh! [ laughter .]
we're on joe's facebook page.
public facebook, okay.
he has hundreds of thousands Of followers.
yes.
And that's it.
I have written a facebook post.
if he tells the woman he Posted it, we post it Immediately, but if he refuses, He takes the loss.
joe, it's a nice day to post something on your facebook page, isn't it? Something on your facebook page, isn't it? mm.
[ chuckles .]
Isn't it? mm.
[ chuckles .]
I'm normally on my facebook all mm.
[ chuckles .]
I'm normally on my facebook all the time, you know? I'm normally on my facebook all the time, you know? The facebook.
The time, you know? The facebook.
I-I was gonna post the craziest The facebook.
I-I was gonna post the craziest thing this morning.
I-I was gonna post the craziest thing this morning.
"can't believe I'm having a Thing this morning.
"can't believe I'm having a baby girl.
" can't believe I'm having a Baby girl.
"yucksville -- population One.
" [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
yucksville -- population one.
[ laughter .]
n-now everybody can see that -- my Wife, my in-laws, my family, my Friends [ laughter .]
My daughter one day when she Grows up and becomes, you know, A woman.
[ laughter .]
I don't know if I should post That.
joe, I know you shouldn't Post that.
The question is, are you going To post it? [ laughter .]
This is the most I've seen him Think about anything ever.
yeah, I mean, I can't post That.
[ laughter .]
I mean, yes! yucksville! yucksville -- population Zero.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
so nice out finally, right? Beautiful day, but I've had a Strange day today, to be honest.
"I sent a text.
" I had to send a text message.
"to my ex, tara.
" I had to send a text message.
"to my ex, tara.
" [ sighs .]
"to my ex, tara.
" [ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
I sent a text message to my [ laughter .]
I sent a text message to my ex-girlfriend, tara.
I sent a text message to my ex-girlfriend, tara.
We dated in high school and Ex-girlfriend, tara.
We dated in high school and college.
We dated in high school and college.
I was totally in love with her.
College.
I was totally in love with her.
I haven't talked to her in I was totally in love with her.
I haven't talked to her in years.
I haven't talked to her in years.
[ sighs .]
god.
Years.
[ sighs .]
god.
[ laughs .]
he's flustered.
[ sighs .]
god.
[ laughs .]
he's flustered.
He's flustered.
[ laughs .]
he's flustered.
He's flustered.
"it said, 'been thinking He's flustered.
"it said, 'been thinking about you lately.
"it said, 'been thinking about you lately.
We had something special.
'" About you lately.
We had something special.
'" I said, "been thinking about We had something special.
'" I said, "been thinking about you lately.
I said, "been thinking about you lately.
We had something special.
" You lately.
We had something special.
" "how solid's that marriage?" We had something special.
" "how solid's that marriage?" [ sighs .]
"how solid's that marriage?" [ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
"how solid is that marriage?" [ laughter .]
"how solid is that marriage?" [ laughter .]
"how solid is that marriage?" [ laughter .]
I-I went to hit "send," and I [ laughter .]
I-I went to hit "send," and I pulled my thumb away from the I-I went to hit "send," and I pulled my thumb away from the [bleep.]
trigger.
Pulled my thumb away from the [bleep.]
trigger.
oh, you didn't send it! [bleep.]
trigger.
oh, you didn't send it! [ laughter .]
right? Thank you.
so, I send it anyway, right? Is that how this works? [ laughter .]
I mean, you got to send it.
You got to send it.
I mean, I went to all the Trouble of typing all this.
yeah, of course.
don't you dare hit "send.
" what'd you say -- send it? It's breaking up.
Guys, we're having audio issues.
He said, "send it.
" He said, "send it.
" excuse me.
Don't send that text! excuse me.
Don't send that text! [ laughs .]
Don't send that text! [ laughs .]
don't send that text! [ laughs .]
don't send that text! [ laughs .]
don't send that text! [ laughs .]
don't send it, don't send it! [ laughs .]
don't send it, don't send it! I don't want to play this don't send it, don't send it! I don't want to play this game anymore.
I don't want to play this game anymore.
It's not funny.
Game anymore.
It's not funny.
This is not a funny game.
It's not funny.
This is not a funny game.
You didn't hit "send," right? This is not a funny game.
You didn't hit "send," right? You sent it? You didn't hit "send," right? You sent it? I didn't send it.
You sent it? I didn't send it.
you sent it?! I didn't send it.
you sent it?! no, you didn't.
you sent it?! no, you didn't.
you gave me the phone, as -- no, you didn't.
you gave me the phone, as -- you idiot! you gave me the phone, as -- you idiot! You were part of the game! you idiot! You were part of the game! You were part of the game! You were part of the game! You were part of the game! it's a touchscreen! You were part of the game! it's a touchscreen! you sent this message! it's a touchscreen! you sent this message! it's a touchscreen! you sent this message! it's a touchscreen! He gave me the phone! it's a touchscreen! He gave me the phone! My thumb hit "send"! He gave me the phone! My thumb hit "send"! [ shouts .]
I said no! My thumb hit "send"! [ shouts .]
I said no! Are you insane?! [ shouts .]
I said no! Are you insane?! Why would you do that?! Are you insane?! Why would you do that?! I didn't do it on purpose! Why would you do that?! I didn't do it on purpose! It's a touchscreen! I didn't do it on purpose! It's a touchscreen! can't believe you! It's a touchscreen! can't believe you! I-I wanted -- can't believe you! I-I wanted -- it's a -- he handed it to me, I-I wanted -- it's a -- he handed it to me, and my thumb hit it! oh, my god! I [bleep.]
win this challenge! [ ding! .]
[ all groaning .]
q's big on instagram.
big? yeah.
that's -- that's his thing.
that's his thing.
We should do an instagram video.
ah.
okay.
I like that.
all right, go do it.
joe's gonna record a video on Q's instagram.
[ nasally voice .]
this is Where farts come from.
Hee-hee! [ laughing .]
is that thor? Is he your favorite? well yeah? Me too, man.
I still read -- week in, week out, I still read comics.
[ normal voice .]
"yeah, you Out, I still read comics.
[ normal voice .]
"yeah, you know, I'm normally on that [ normal voice .]
"yeah, you know, I'm normally on that instagram.
" Know, I'm normally on that instagram.
" sometimes I read comics, and Instagram.
" sometimes I read comics, and I go on instagram, and I like sometimes I read comics, and I go on instagram, and I like instagram.
I go on instagram, and I like instagram.
"for instance, I just made a Instagram.
"for instance, I just made a video.
" "for instance, I just made a video.
" for instance, I just made a Video.
" for instance, I just made a video now for instagram.
for instance, I just made a video now for instagram.
"I followed a guy walking.
" Video now for instagram.
"I followed a guy walking.
" oh, god.
"I followed a guy walking.
" oh, god.
"and I was just filming his oh, god.
"and I was just filming his butt area.
" "and I was just filming his butt area.
" I followed a guy walking.
Butt area.
" I followed a guy walking.
[ laughter .]
I followed a guy walking.
[ laughter .]
I was filming his butt while he [ laughter .]
I was filming his butt while he was walking.
I was filming his butt while he was walking.
"then I just said this.
" Was walking.
"then I just said this.
" and I said this.
"then I just said this.
" and I said this.
[ nasally voice .]
"this is and I said this.
[ nasally voice .]
"this is where farts come from.
[ nasally voice .]
"this is where farts come from.
Hee-hee!" Where farts come from.
Hee-hee!" [ laughter .]
Hee-hee!" [ laughter .]
ahhhhh, yeah! [ laughter .]
ahhhhh, yeah! I said, uh ahhhhh, yeah! I said, uh [ nasally voice .]
"this is farts I said, uh [ nasally voice .]
"this is farts come from.
[ nasally voice .]
"this is farts come from.
Hee-hee!" Come from.
Hee-hee!" [ coughs .]
Hee-hee!" [ coughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
the guy's Choking! [ normal voice .]
it's all Right.
Don't choke.
did you post it? you know, my mom will probably be happy to see it you know, my mom will probably be happy to see it 'cause I did post it.
Probably be happy to see it 'cause I did post it.
[ all shouting .]
'cause I did post it.
[ all shouting .]
and it is going live! [ all shouting .]
and it is going live! that is so, so immature! and it is going live! that is so, so immature! well, let's go see how many that is so, so immature! well, let's go see how many "likes" I got.
well, let's go see how many "likes" I got.
[ laughter .]
"likes" I got.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
so, we've got sal's phone.
We're holding it hostage.
And we're gonna tweet something.
[ chuckles .]
my finger hovering above the "tweet" button, buddy -- Hovering.
we're all set, bud.
[ laughs .]
good to be out in this Weather.
I put my phone away for a while.
"I was about to tweet a message.
" I had my phone open earlier, Message.
" I had my phone open earlier, and I had twitter open.
I had my phone open earlier, and I had twitter open.
I was about to tweet something.
And I had twitter open.
I was about to tweet something.
"been hitting on black people I was about to tweet something.
"been hitting on black people in the park all day.
" "been hitting on black people in the park all day.
" [ laughter .]
no, no, I was gonna tweet this.
I-I-I -- they told me to say it.
This.
I-I-I -- they told me to say it.
I was gonna [chuckles.]
I-I-I -- they told me to say it.
I was gonna [chuckles.]
uh, you know what? I was gonna [chuckles.]
uh, you know what? I don't even -- I forget what I uh, you know what? I don't even -- I forget what I was gonna tweet.
I don't even -- I forget what I was gonna tweet.
[ laughter .]
Was gonna tweet.
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
yeah.
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
yeah.
nice job, buddy.
[ laughing .]
yeah.
nice job, buddy.
well done, well done.
nice job, buddy.
well done, well done.
[ buzzer .]
well done, well done.
[ buzzer .]
#thumbsdown for sal.
[ buzzer .]
#thumbsdown for sal.
He's tonight's big loser.
#thumbsdown for sal.
He's tonight's big loser.
Today, we're here at He's tonight's big loser.
Today, we're here at exit strategy in new jersey for Today, we're here at exit strategy in new jersey for sal's punishment.
Exit strategy in new jersey for sal's punishment.
sal's gonna be locked in this Sal's punishment.
sal's gonna be locked in this room with a bunch of strangers.
sal's gonna be locked in this room with a bunch of strangers.
They've got to find a bunch of Room with a bunch of strangers.
They've got to find a bunch of clues and solve riddles in order They've got to find a bunch of clues and solve riddles in order to escape.
Clues and solve riddles in order to escape.
That's not the punishment, To escape.
That's not the punishment, though.
That's not the punishment, though.
oh, no, no, no, my friend.
Though.
oh, no, no, no, my friend.
It's not fun and games for you.
oh, no, no, no, my friend.
It's not fun and games for you.
You, my friend -- have to pee It's not fun and games for you.
You, my friend -- have to pee your pants.
You, my friend -- have to pee your pants.
ooh.
Your pants.
ooh.
[ laughter .]
ooh.
[ laughter .]
locked in a room with [ laughter .]
locked in a room with absolute strangers.
locked in a room with absolute strangers.
[ laughter .]
Absolute strangers.
[ laughter .]
mom, dad, change the channel.
[ laughter .]
mom, dad, change the channel.
[ laughter .]
mom, dad, change the channel.
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
and here we go.
[ laughs .]
and here we go.
There he is.
And here we go.
There he is.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
look at him! He's sweating! sal, just piss your pants look at him! He's sweating! sal, just piss your pants already.
sal, just piss your pants already.
Just piss your pants.
Already.
Just piss your pants.
[ laughs .]
Just piss your pants.
[ laughs .]
I downloaded something to help [ laughs .]
I downloaded something to help sal out.
I downloaded something to help sal out.
yeah.
Sal out.
yeah.
[ water running .]
yeah.
[ water running .]
[ laughs .]
[ water running .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ running continues .]
[ sighs .]
[ running continues .]
come on, sal, pee your pants! I tried one for he's sorry, I have to go to the bathroom.
I got to go to the -- can we go Bathroom.
I got to go to the -- can we go to the bathroom? I got to go to the -- can we go to the bathroom? [ laughs, claps .]
To the bathroom? [ laughs, claps .]
come on, come on! [ laughs, claps .]
come on, come on! oh [bleep.]
Come on, come on! oh [bleep.]
there he goes! oh [bleep.]
there he goes! [ laughs .]
there he goes! [ laughs .]
I can't do it.
[ laughs .]
I can't do it.
he's about to pee his pants! I can't do it.
he's about to pee his pants! can't even he's about to pee his pants! can't even [ all shouting .]
can't even [ all shouting .]
[ laughs .]
[ all shouting .]
[ laughs .]
ah! [ all shouting .]
[ laughs .]
come on! let him out! [ laughter .]
look at that! [ laughs .]
time-out! damn it.
we -- Please! [ laughs .]
they're laughing at you! They're laughing at you! Oh, my god! Can you for real let me out?! nope, sorry, sal, you got to Can you for real let me out?! nope, sorry, sal, you got to find all the clues to get out.
nope, sorry, sal, you got to find all the clues to get out.
all right.
Find all the clues to get out.
all right.
yes, get in there, try to all right.
yes, get in there, try to help.
yes, get in there, try to help.
Get in there, try to help.
Help.
Get in there, try to help.
[ laughs .]
Get in there, try to help.
[ laughs .]
how many of the [ laughs .]
how many of the [ laughter .]
how many of the [ laughter .]
14, 15.
[ laughter .]
14, 15.
[ laughing .]
look, she's 14, 15.
[ laughing .]
look, she's moving away! [ laughing .]
look, she's moving away! [ laughter, applause .]
Moving away! [ laughter, applause .]
she's moving away! [ laughter, applause .]
she's moving away! [ laughs .]
She's moving away! [ laughs .]
and then the orange.
[ laughs .]
and then the orange.
[ laughter .]
and then the orange.
[ laughter .]
no, nooooo! [ all shout .]
sal, hug him, hug him! yes! That was awesome.
no, no! [ laughter .]
you're number one! [ laughter .]
you're number one, buddy! You're number one.
you're number one.
no, he did a number one.
[ laughs .]
oh! [ laughter .]
narrator: What's giving murr [ laughter .]
narrator: What's giving murr a panic attack? narrator: What's giving murr a panic attack? excuse me.
A panic attack? excuse me.
Don't send that text! excuse me.
Don't send that text! Don't send that text! Don't send that text! Don't send that text! [ laughter .]
Don't send that text! [ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker [ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker will be faced with urination narrator: And which joker will be faced with urination humiliation in tonight's Will be faced with urination humiliation in tonight's punishment? Humiliation in tonight's punishment? [ all shouting .]
Punishment? [ all shouting .]
prepare for something [ all shouting .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
larry! [ laughter .]
larry! [ laughter .]
today, we're fairway market, Playing one of our favorite Games -- put pocketing, sneaking Pencils onto unsuspecting Shoppers.
you don't actually have to Get the pencil in their pocket.
As long as it stays on them, You're good.
but the shopper must keep all Your pencils in order for your Score to count.
whoever hides the most Pencils in a customer wins.
"in"? [ grunts .]
[ laughter .]
where were those?! in.
[ laughter .]
the man, the myth, the Legend, crispy vulcano.
Ready, boys? Here we go.
you ready for this? whoa! there you go.
You're getting to play.
nothing's better for put Pocketing than a loose hood.
[ laughter .]
oh, one! [ laughter .]
[ shouts .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
hello? [ laughs .]
yeah, I'm gonna get tomatoes.
I know.
[ ding! .]
three! yeah, okay, I'll get the Pasta -- the whole-wheat pasta.
[ laughter .]
four! it's freezing out, by the Way.
oh, get caught, get caught! Five! [ laughter .]
the beans are right here.
There's beans.
It says beans.
look in your hood! look in your hood for god's Sake, woman! look in your hood! look in your hood! [ laughter, applause .]
whoa! [ laughter .]
gonna go with two packages, Two packages.
she's on to you, man.
You got to get careful.
all the tomato props in the World ain't gonna help this, Buddy.
[ ding! .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ah! [ laughter, shouting .]
wasn't me.
[ laughter .]
you're holding pencils, you Idiot! [ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
I have an idea for this one.
oh [bleep.]
okay.
people won't notice pencils Being put on them when they have Something more interesting to Look at it, like my bow tie.
let's just address this right Now.
He loves this wooden bow tie, And he thinks we're all supposed To love it, but it's -- it's -- It's -- what's the word I'm Looking for? What is it? stupid.
ridiculous.
what? nothing.
You look great.
[ laughter .]
like my bow tie? It's wood.
Isn't that cool? Have you ever seen wooden bow Tie? look at this guy's hat.
yeah, you're asking a guy With this hat and this scarf Combo if that tie's cool.
[ laughs .]
by the way, he didn't say it Was good.
He said it was interesting.
That's a kind way of saying it Sucks.
[ laughs .]
Oh, here we go.
[ all shouting .]
Murray, you are oh, that is ballsy, buddy.
nice, one, two.
ballsy! oh! nice, murr! yeah, but that's not good Placement.
They're gonna fall right off.
[ ding! .]
[ laughs .]
they're gonna fall! oh, I'm impressed! oh.
that's -- that's -- oh, it's staying! no, he's got it! [ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
he found it! all that was for naught, Murr.
what is this move? he's going high, he's going High, he's going high! that's not good.
That is interesting.
that's a bad move, though.
That's a bad move.
it has to stay.
it's got to stay.
What are you doing? [ ding! .]
[ all shouting .]
[ laughter .]
and he doesn't know! wow, you pulled it off, murr! good placement.
this guy! This guy! no, this guy's -- [ indistinct shouting .]
[ buzzer .]
murray! the other guy took it off! [ laughs .]
zero! nothing.
good thing you wore that bow Tie.
[ laughs .]
tomatoes.
she has an open hood and a Backpack.
[ ding! .]
this is the carrots right Here.
Thank you so much.
I got 'em.
wait.
The game is still afoot! it's in this guy's hands! [ shouting .]
come on, tell her, tell her, Tell her! tell her! Be a good friend! tell her before she exits! [ shouting, laughter .]
don't trust the guy in the Wooden bow tie! [ groans .]
oh, there she goes! there she goes.
[ clapping .]
oh, well done, murray! [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
mango? mango.
have you guys been eating it? murray's been finger-blasting The whole thing with his hands.
I'm not finger-blasting with My hands.
I've been individually choosing One and putting it in my mouth, Yeah.
I've haven't been touching other Mango.
I'm not gross.
[ laughs .]
What are you looking for? You need help? there he goes.
organic over there and Organic here.
so, are you looking for Non-organic? he wants arugula, eggplant.
[ laughs .]
He -- [ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
uh, yeah, I [grunts.]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
uh, you're supposed to sneak.
yeah, you're supposed to Sneak it.
just -- no, it's okay.
It's all right.
It's okay.
This is -- no, no, you're not Gonna get into trouble.
You're fine, you're fine.
No, no, it's cool.
Here, here.
stop assaulting her with No.
2s! what's that? What's that? [ laughter .]
it's non-organic.
You're not gonna get in trouble.
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
Okay, there you go.
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughs .]
[ imitates buzzer .]
zero, bud! oh, oh.
[ ding! .]
[ all shouting .]
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! that is nice, dude.
he took a nice, huge dump Right in that guy's pocket.
[ all shouting .]
he's walking away! He's walking away! [ laughs .]
he's found the pencils.
he found them, he found them.
[bleep.]
oh, oh, there he goes.
he kept them! [ laughter, applause .]
[ laughing .]
yeah, you got It! [ ding! .]
all right, fellas, uh, gonna Try something out here.
okay.
so, we're gonna trojan-horse It.
oh! Wow! This is impressive.
but how are you gonna get an Eggplant inside somebody? oh, I've done it.
[ laughter .]
all right.
it's a 12-pencil eggplant.
it looks like a weapon from "mario brothers" or something.
"mario brothers" or something.
oh.
You got it? I'll help you.
Sorry.
You got it? [ chuckles .]
Start a little avalanche.
what's he doing? he started, like, an Avalanche.
[ laughter .]
Wait till the whole thing fell.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter continues .]
the whole thing fell.
[ ding! .]
Got it, yeah.
They all -- they all fell.
Oh, there you go.
[ laughs .]
no, no.
I got it, I got it.
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
no.
[ laughter continues .]
no.
it's an eggplant.
[ ding! .]
[ laughs .]
Keep it.
It's great.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter continues .]
Is that, like, an app that tells You, like, the price? oh, no, no.
It's shop for the customers, and Then somebody else delivers.
so, you shop for somebody Else? yeah.
that's really cool.
this is ballsy! so, this is like an app that Just doesn't -- [ all shouting .]
she didn't hear it fall! it fell! she didn't hear it fall! I will type in stuff, so how does it work, though? [ all shouting .]
[ laughs .]
she blocked it! you're basically -- oh, so, You do a whole shopping cart.
[ all shouting .]
[ laughing .]
oh! and what hap-- so, you're Basically shopping for people That don't want to come out in The cold? yeah.
that's really cool that you Could just do it.
It's so nice.
[ ding! .]
a-and it's just like an app? It's like a regular app? you're getting cocky! You're getting cocky! it's really cool.
[ ding! .]
[ laughs .]
all right, well, it was so Nice.
That's really cool.
Thank you.
[ all shouting .]
all right, joe, you need one More to beat murr.
[ laughter, shouting .]
ah, sucker! [ laughs .]
sucker! [ laughter .]
take that wooden bow tie and Shove it up your ass! [ laughter .]
thank you.
[ ding! .]
oh! wow! narrator: Q, murr, and sal weren't sharp enough for this challenge, so they're first up Weren't sharp enough for this challenge, so they're first up on the loser board.
Challenge, so they're first up on the loser board.
today, we're in brooklyn, On the loser board.
today, we're in brooklyn, playing a game called cellphone today, we're in brooklyn, playing a game called cellphone takeover.
Playing a game called cellphone takeover.
while chatting up park-goers, Takeover.
while chatting up park-goers, the other guys will have our while chatting up park-goers, the other guys will have our cellphones to use however they The other guys will have our cellphones to use however they see fit.
Cellphones to use however they see fit.
we could tweet, text, post, See fit.
we could tweet, text, post, call, whatevs.
if you don't allow us to use Your phone however we want, you Lose.
gentlemen, let the games Begin! oh! [ laughter .]
we're on joe's facebook page.
public facebook, okay.
he has hundreds of thousands Of followers.
yes.
And that's it.
I have written a facebook post.
if he tells the woman he Posted it, we post it Immediately, but if he refuses, He takes the loss.
joe, it's a nice day to post something on your facebook page, isn't it? Something on your facebook page, isn't it? mm.
[ chuckles .]
Isn't it? mm.
[ chuckles .]
I'm normally on my facebook all mm.
[ chuckles .]
I'm normally on my facebook all the time, you know? I'm normally on my facebook all the time, you know? The facebook.
The time, you know? The facebook.
I-I was gonna post the craziest The facebook.
I-I was gonna post the craziest thing this morning.
I-I was gonna post the craziest thing this morning.
"can't believe I'm having a Thing this morning.
"can't believe I'm having a baby girl.
" can't believe I'm having a Baby girl.
"yucksville -- population One.
" [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
yucksville -- population one.
[ laughter .]
n-now everybody can see that -- my Wife, my in-laws, my family, my Friends [ laughter .]
My daughter one day when she Grows up and becomes, you know, A woman.
[ laughter .]
I don't know if I should post That.
joe, I know you shouldn't Post that.
The question is, are you going To post it? [ laughter .]
This is the most I've seen him Think about anything ever.
yeah, I mean, I can't post That.
[ laughter .]
I mean, yes! yucksville! yucksville -- population Zero.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
so nice out finally, right? Beautiful day, but I've had a Strange day today, to be honest.
"I sent a text.
" I had to send a text message.
"to my ex, tara.
" I had to send a text message.
"to my ex, tara.
" [ sighs .]
"to my ex, tara.
" [ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
I sent a text message to my [ laughter .]
I sent a text message to my ex-girlfriend, tara.
I sent a text message to my ex-girlfriend, tara.
We dated in high school and Ex-girlfriend, tara.
We dated in high school and college.
We dated in high school and college.
I was totally in love with her.
College.
I was totally in love with her.
I haven't talked to her in I was totally in love with her.
I haven't talked to her in years.
I haven't talked to her in years.
[ sighs .]
god.
Years.
[ sighs .]
god.
[ laughs .]
he's flustered.
[ sighs .]
god.
[ laughs .]
he's flustered.
He's flustered.
[ laughs .]
he's flustered.
He's flustered.
"it said, 'been thinking He's flustered.
"it said, 'been thinking about you lately.
"it said, 'been thinking about you lately.
We had something special.
'" About you lately.
We had something special.
'" I said, "been thinking about We had something special.
'" I said, "been thinking about you lately.
I said, "been thinking about you lately.
We had something special.
" You lately.
We had something special.
" "how solid's that marriage?" We had something special.
" "how solid's that marriage?" [ sighs .]
"how solid's that marriage?" [ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
"how solid is that marriage?" [ laughter .]
"how solid is that marriage?" [ laughter .]
"how solid is that marriage?" [ laughter .]
I-I went to hit "send," and I [ laughter .]
I-I went to hit "send," and I pulled my thumb away from the I-I went to hit "send," and I pulled my thumb away from the [bleep.]
trigger.
Pulled my thumb away from the [bleep.]
trigger.
oh, you didn't send it! [bleep.]
trigger.
oh, you didn't send it! [ laughter .]
right? Thank you.
so, I send it anyway, right? Is that how this works? [ laughter .]
I mean, you got to send it.
You got to send it.
I mean, I went to all the Trouble of typing all this.
yeah, of course.
don't you dare hit "send.
" what'd you say -- send it? It's breaking up.
Guys, we're having audio issues.
He said, "send it.
" He said, "send it.
" excuse me.
Don't send that text! excuse me.
Don't send that text! [ laughs .]
Don't send that text! [ laughs .]
don't send that text! [ laughs .]
don't send that text! [ laughs .]
don't send that text! [ laughs .]
don't send it, don't send it! [ laughs .]
don't send it, don't send it! I don't want to play this don't send it, don't send it! I don't want to play this game anymore.
I don't want to play this game anymore.
It's not funny.
Game anymore.
It's not funny.
This is not a funny game.
It's not funny.
This is not a funny game.
You didn't hit "send," right? This is not a funny game.
You didn't hit "send," right? You sent it? You didn't hit "send," right? You sent it? I didn't send it.
You sent it? I didn't send it.
you sent it?! I didn't send it.
you sent it?! no, you didn't.
you sent it?! no, you didn't.
you gave me the phone, as -- no, you didn't.
you gave me the phone, as -- you idiot! you gave me the phone, as -- you idiot! You were part of the game! you idiot! You were part of the game! You were part of the game! You were part of the game! You were part of the game! it's a touchscreen! You were part of the game! it's a touchscreen! you sent this message! it's a touchscreen! you sent this message! it's a touchscreen! you sent this message! it's a touchscreen! He gave me the phone! it's a touchscreen! He gave me the phone! My thumb hit "send"! He gave me the phone! My thumb hit "send"! [ shouts .]
I said no! My thumb hit "send"! [ shouts .]
I said no! Are you insane?! [ shouts .]
I said no! Are you insane?! Why would you do that?! Are you insane?! Why would you do that?! I didn't do it on purpose! Why would you do that?! I didn't do it on purpose! It's a touchscreen! I didn't do it on purpose! It's a touchscreen! can't believe you! It's a touchscreen! can't believe you! I-I wanted -- can't believe you! I-I wanted -- it's a -- he handed it to me, I-I wanted -- it's a -- he handed it to me, and my thumb hit it! oh, my god! I [bleep.]
win this challenge! [ ding! .]
[ all groaning .]
q's big on instagram.
big? yeah.
that's -- that's his thing.
that's his thing.
We should do an instagram video.
ah.
okay.
I like that.
all right, go do it.
joe's gonna record a video on Q's instagram.
[ nasally voice .]
this is Where farts come from.
Hee-hee! [ laughing .]
is that thor? Is he your favorite? well yeah? Me too, man.
I still read -- week in, week out, I still read comics.
[ normal voice .]
"yeah, you Out, I still read comics.
[ normal voice .]
"yeah, you know, I'm normally on that [ normal voice .]
"yeah, you know, I'm normally on that instagram.
" Know, I'm normally on that instagram.
" sometimes I read comics, and Instagram.
" sometimes I read comics, and I go on instagram, and I like sometimes I read comics, and I go on instagram, and I like instagram.
I go on instagram, and I like instagram.
"for instance, I just made a Instagram.
"for instance, I just made a video.
" "for instance, I just made a video.
" for instance, I just made a Video.
" for instance, I just made a video now for instagram.
for instance, I just made a video now for instagram.
"I followed a guy walking.
" Video now for instagram.
"I followed a guy walking.
" oh, god.
"I followed a guy walking.
" oh, god.
"and I was just filming his oh, god.
"and I was just filming his butt area.
" "and I was just filming his butt area.
" I followed a guy walking.
Butt area.
" I followed a guy walking.
[ laughter .]
I followed a guy walking.
[ laughter .]
I was filming his butt while he [ laughter .]
I was filming his butt while he was walking.
I was filming his butt while he was walking.
"then I just said this.
" Was walking.
"then I just said this.
" and I said this.
"then I just said this.
" and I said this.
[ nasally voice .]
"this is and I said this.
[ nasally voice .]
"this is where farts come from.
[ nasally voice .]
"this is where farts come from.
Hee-hee!" Where farts come from.
Hee-hee!" [ laughter .]
Hee-hee!" [ laughter .]
ahhhhh, yeah! [ laughter .]
ahhhhh, yeah! I said, uh ahhhhh, yeah! I said, uh [ nasally voice .]
"this is farts I said, uh [ nasally voice .]
"this is farts come from.
[ nasally voice .]
"this is farts come from.
Hee-hee!" Come from.
Hee-hee!" [ coughs .]
Hee-hee!" [ coughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
the guy's Choking! [ normal voice .]
it's all Right.
Don't choke.
did you post it? you know, my mom will probably be happy to see it you know, my mom will probably be happy to see it 'cause I did post it.
Probably be happy to see it 'cause I did post it.
[ all shouting .]
'cause I did post it.
[ all shouting .]
and it is going live! [ all shouting .]
and it is going live! that is so, so immature! and it is going live! that is so, so immature! well, let's go see how many that is so, so immature! well, let's go see how many "likes" I got.
well, let's go see how many "likes" I got.
[ laughter .]
"likes" I got.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
so, we've got sal's phone.
We're holding it hostage.
And we're gonna tweet something.
[ chuckles .]
my finger hovering above the "tweet" button, buddy -- Hovering.
we're all set, bud.
[ laughs .]
good to be out in this Weather.
I put my phone away for a while.
"I was about to tweet a message.
" I had my phone open earlier, Message.
" I had my phone open earlier, and I had twitter open.
I had my phone open earlier, and I had twitter open.
I was about to tweet something.
And I had twitter open.
I was about to tweet something.
"been hitting on black people I was about to tweet something.
"been hitting on black people in the park all day.
" "been hitting on black people in the park all day.
" [ laughter .]
no, no, I was gonna tweet this.
I-I-I -- they told me to say it.
This.
I-I-I -- they told me to say it.
I was gonna [chuckles.]
I-I-I -- they told me to say it.
I was gonna [chuckles.]
uh, you know what? I was gonna [chuckles.]
uh, you know what? I don't even -- I forget what I uh, you know what? I don't even -- I forget what I was gonna tweet.
I don't even -- I forget what I was gonna tweet.
[ laughter .]
Was gonna tweet.
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
yeah.
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
yeah.
nice job, buddy.
[ laughing .]
yeah.
nice job, buddy.
well done, well done.
nice job, buddy.
well done, well done.
[ buzzer .]
well done, well done.
[ buzzer .]
#thumbsdown for sal.
[ buzzer .]
#thumbsdown for sal.
He's tonight's big loser.
#thumbsdown for sal.
He's tonight's big loser.
Today, we're here at He's tonight's big loser.
Today, we're here at exit strategy in new jersey for Today, we're here at exit strategy in new jersey for sal's punishment.
Exit strategy in new jersey for sal's punishment.
sal's gonna be locked in this Sal's punishment.
sal's gonna be locked in this room with a bunch of strangers.
sal's gonna be locked in this room with a bunch of strangers.
They've got to find a bunch of Room with a bunch of strangers.
They've got to find a bunch of clues and solve riddles in order They've got to find a bunch of clues and solve riddles in order to escape.
Clues and solve riddles in order to escape.
That's not the punishment, To escape.
That's not the punishment, though.
That's not the punishment, though.
oh, no, no, no, my friend.
Though.
oh, no, no, no, my friend.
It's not fun and games for you.
oh, no, no, no, my friend.
It's not fun and games for you.
You, my friend -- have to pee It's not fun and games for you.
You, my friend -- have to pee your pants.
You, my friend -- have to pee your pants.
ooh.
Your pants.
ooh.
[ laughter .]
ooh.
[ laughter .]
locked in a room with [ laughter .]
locked in a room with absolute strangers.
locked in a room with absolute strangers.
[ laughter .]
Absolute strangers.
[ laughter .]
mom, dad, change the channel.
[ laughter .]
mom, dad, change the channel.
[ laughter .]
mom, dad, change the channel.
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
and here we go.
[ laughs .]
and here we go.
There he is.
And here we go.
There he is.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
look at him! He's sweating! sal, just piss your pants look at him! He's sweating! sal, just piss your pants already.
sal, just piss your pants already.
Just piss your pants.
Already.
Just piss your pants.
[ laughs .]
Just piss your pants.
[ laughs .]
I downloaded something to help [ laughs .]
I downloaded something to help sal out.
I downloaded something to help sal out.
yeah.
Sal out.
yeah.
[ water running .]
yeah.
[ water running .]
[ laughs .]
[ water running .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ running continues .]
[ sighs .]
[ running continues .]
come on, sal, pee your pants! I tried one for he's sorry, I have to go to the bathroom.
I got to go to the -- can we go Bathroom.
I got to go to the -- can we go to the bathroom? I got to go to the -- can we go to the bathroom? [ laughs, claps .]
To the bathroom? [ laughs, claps .]
come on, come on! [ laughs, claps .]
come on, come on! oh [bleep.]
Come on, come on! oh [bleep.]
there he goes! oh [bleep.]
there he goes! [ laughs .]
there he goes! [ laughs .]
I can't do it.
[ laughs .]
I can't do it.
he's about to pee his pants! I can't do it.
he's about to pee his pants! can't even he's about to pee his pants! can't even [ all shouting .]
can't even [ all shouting .]
[ laughs .]
[ all shouting .]
[ laughs .]
ah! [ all shouting .]
[ laughs .]
come on! let him out! [ laughter .]
look at that! [ laughs .]
time-out! damn it.
we -- Please! [ laughs .]
they're laughing at you! They're laughing at you! Oh, my god! Can you for real let me out?! nope, sorry, sal, you got to Can you for real let me out?! nope, sorry, sal, you got to find all the clues to get out.
nope, sorry, sal, you got to find all the clues to get out.
all right.
Find all the clues to get out.
all right.
yes, get in there, try to all right.
yes, get in there, try to help.
yes, get in there, try to help.
Get in there, try to help.
Help.
Get in there, try to help.
[ laughs .]
Get in there, try to help.
[ laughs .]
how many of the [ laughs .]
how many of the [ laughter .]
how many of the [ laughter .]
14, 15.
[ laughter .]
14, 15.
[ laughing .]
look, she's 14, 15.
[ laughing .]
look, she's moving away! [ laughing .]
look, she's moving away! [ laughter, applause .]
Moving away! [ laughter, applause .]
she's moving away! [ laughter, applause .]
she's moving away! [ laughs .]
She's moving away! [ laughs .]
and then the orange.
[ laughs .]
and then the orange.
[ laughter .]
and then the orange.
[ laughter .]
no, nooooo! [ all shout .]
sal, hug him, hug him! yes! That was awesome.
no, no! [ laughter .]
you're number one! [ laughter .]
you're number one, buddy! You're number one.
you're number one.
no, he did a number one.
[ laughs .]