Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s04e17 Episode Script

Woman 1: Did you hear Amaar got fired? Woman 2: Yes, what a shame.
- Thorne: Ladies Hi.
- Hello, Reverend.
- I'll be with you in one second.
- All right.
I see you came to gloat.
Of course not.
I didn't have to come anywhere.
This is my church.
I stayed to gloat.
Look, Amaar.
I know we've had a few differences A few? You've been trying to drive me out ever since you got here.
Okay, okay, so it was one difference, over and over.
But look, I want you to know that it wasn't personal.
All right? No hard feelings.
The best man won.
You make it sound like a game.
Yes, it's like chess.
And I just sank your battleship.
And I've got a full house.
Christians over Muslims.
I don't think you understand the game.
You know what, it's not about who won or who lost.
You did.
The point is, it was fun! - Fun.
I just lost my job.
- Wow.
You're really trying to bring me down, aren't you? You can't just let me have this one.
Well, send me a postcard.
Oh, I'm not going anywhere.
You're staying in Mercy? Good God, man, why? You could go to Toronto or Vancouver.
Or Iraq.
Huh! Well, that's the difference between us.
I choose to be here.
[ ♪ .]
Season 4 Episode 17 Farewell to Amaar Faisal: You're making the mosque a better place.
Ahem.
You call that a hijab? I call it a bad job of putting on a hijab.
[ Snort .]
Yes, yes.
It was funny the first three times.
But I prefer your mascara bit.
They do look like raccoons.
You get something suitable from the propriety box.
- This is a bathrobe! - And you're welcome! Do you want to end up looking like a shameless woman of the streets? Huh? Like those two? They live on my street.
- Shameless? - I have never been shameless.
Oh, I've got a lot of shame.
Remember the '70s? - Problem, ladies? - Reverend Thorne, you know how much we love our Muslim neighbours.
Yes.
Lately they've been a little - Ooga booga? - Oh, you're so good with words! You know, I miss Amaar.
That Mr.
Baber is Ah, I see.
So his extremism scares you? No-o, no.
It's everything.
I mean, he's so extreme and Yes! It's his extremism.
You are good with words.
Well So are you saying you're worried about what life in the church will be like with Baber at the helm? No, I'm saying Yes! Hm.
Well, I'll look into that, okay? [ ♪ .]
So, as you can tell, it's a very open concept.
With a real flow from room to room.
Simple, yet elegant.
It's perfect.
Really? I mean, I know I talk a good game, but you can see it's just a tent, right? Ah, it's everything I need.
It's simple.
A place for me to reflect, to regroup.
Aren't you going to miss the hustle and bustle of downtown? Well, I think I'm ready to, uh get away from Mercy's wild nightlife.
[ Chuckling .]
Yeah, it'll chew you up if you let it.
They call it Mercy, but after 11:00 it shows you none.
Anyway [ Chuckle .]
when can I move in? Uh yeah.
'Kay, I'm going to need first and last month's rent.
Right.
Here is A 20.
Okay.
And five's your change.
Thank you very much.
Thanks, Joe.
[ ♪ .]
[ Chair clatters .]
Baber? Yes, Reverend.
What do you want? Can you not see that I'm busy? Hm? I get it.
The Munchkin convention's this weekend.
Yes, yes.
Very funny.
Yes, the miniature invitations, the one-course meals, the tiny, tiny gift bags.
Anyway, from one man of God to the other, well done! Thank you.
Your kindness warms my heart.
And makes me instantly suspicious! Oh, Baber.
I like your style.
I also like my style.
I call it 14th century cleric.
Yes.
And I here I thought you were one of those "conservative" Muslims.
But I am a conservative Muslim! How can you not know this? Really? Well, thank you for hiding it so well.
Have you not been listening? The opposite is true.
I hide nothing! What you see is what you get.
And what you get is 100% unbridled conservative.
Whatever you say.
But seriously, thank you for toning it down.
This place is positively Christian.
Christian? If they have forgotten that there is a mosque in their midst, then I shall remind them! No more of the cute, cuddly Muslims they see on the news.
No way.
[ Clatter .]
But first I shall fix this chair.
Poor Amaar! If he did not want to get fired, he should not have made the board angry.
I like Amaar, but sometimes you must do as you are told.
And if you were him? And someone told you to do something you didn't believe in? Like, put green peppers in your goat curry? Green peppers? Brilliant! How have I not thought of this? It is the ingredient I've been missing all this time! Amaar is a fool! Why is he fighting this? My curry will be delicious.
What is Amaar going to do without a mosque? How's he going to earn a living? How's he going to support himself? Well, a real outdoorsman can live in any environment.
So, Amaar will probably be Poor Amaar.
If he is going to stay in this town he is going to need to find a way to earn a living.
Come on.
Let's go.
Ooh Oh my goodness! Ladies.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
Reverend, what's going on? Oh, well Muslims will be Muslims, you know? Why? You don't like it? Oh, no.
It's just, it's a little Disconcerting? Inappropriate? A reminder that our two faiths could never really coexist? Kind of terrifying.
I hate to say it, but I think it may be time for them to move on.
Oh, dear! Oh, no.
That might be a little extreme.
Yeah.
But you said you were terrified.
Oh, she's terrified all the time.
She couldn't sleep for a week after watching "Weekend At Bernie's".
Mrs.
Wispinski: Oh, well the indignity! A waterskiing corpse? That's why I want to be cremated.
Ladies, ladies.
We're talking about the Muslims, yeah? Time for them to go? Oh, I don't know.
Showing them the door just because they give us the heebie jeebies? I don't know if that's very Christian.
Have you read the Bible? It's really quite brutal.
I mean, He turns people to salt all the time for doing almost nothing.
Well, I mean, if they did something really inappropriate, then that would be a different story.
Right.
Different story, coming right up.
Oh, there he is! There you are! [ Singsong voice .]
We found you.
[ Laughs .]
You guys are good.
Next time I'll try to hide behind something.
Now you hide, I'll count.
[ Laughter .]
Hey, what's all that? Oh, you know, just supplies.
So I can cook, clean, that sort of thing.
It's really beautiful out there.
I feel close to God.
Did someone say office? Umm No? You're going to love this! An office! Both: Ta-da! Oh, hey.
Look at that.
- Except you spelled it wrong.
- No, that's intentional.
The extra "A" is so your name is first in the phone book.
- Oh.
- Yeah, we thought you'd write wills, - Yeah! - take cases and defend no-good punks.
What do you think? Well guys, it's very sweet of you and I know you mean well, but I'm not a lawyer anymore.
I'm an imam.
Amaar, you don't have a mosque so you have to do something.
I am! I'm going to pray.
I should have used a third "A".
Hello, fellows.
Been doing a little decorating, I see.
I must say, it's Almost unbelievably conservative? It's delightfully ethnic.
I can't help but crave Indian food.
We are from Pakistan.
Is there a difference? Easy, Faisal.
So you're not bothered by my decorations, hm? Au contraire, mon Ba-baire On behalf of all Anglicans, I want to thank you again for not being too conservative.
Why do you keep saying that? Don't you know there is no one who is more conservative than I am! Well there is the Rahaloon.
Thorne: The Rahaloon? Tell me more.
You do not want to know about the Rahaloon.
They are not important.
They are very important! [ Sighing .]
They are devout nomads who go from mosque to mosque spreading their vision of Islam in its purest form.
So why hasn't Amaar invited them before? Amaar would call them crazies who terrorize the congregation and devour a mosque's resources like locusts.
He is so intolerant of people who lack tolerance! They sound terrible.
You're not going to invite them are you? Of course he is.
Let us not get carried away.
That is a very big decision.
Right, right.
The kind of decision that a real imam would make.
You're just the fill-in imam.
I understand.
But I am the imam imam! And I am going to invite the Rahaloon! No, please, don't! And so forth.
Ah, there is nothing you can do to stop me! The locusts are coming to Mercy! [ ♪ .]
Rayyan, Sarah.
Salaam alaikum.
Rayyan & Sarah: Walaikum assalaam.
Would you like some coffee? It's, uh, not terrible.
But, to be fair, it's not drinkable.
Oh, no.
Thanks, Amaar.
Look, we're really sorry - about the whole lawyer thing.
- Yeah.
Don't be.
It was very sweet.
No, we should have known you put your lawyer days behind you.
Which is why we've found you other jobs! I mean, who knew Mercy had so many other options? - [ Laughing .]
- All right, what do you know about tractor maintenance? Not as much as you'd think.
Okay.
How about pedicurist? I can't touch women's feet.
- See.
- Right.
Look, guys.
I- I don't think you understand I lost the only job I ever wanted.
And now, I need to know what Allah wants from me.
That's why I'm here.
Right now, my job is to listen.
[ ♪ .]
Baber.
I am so excited the Rahaloon is coming.
How do I look? Does this topi make me look too moderate? Leave it alone, you look you look fine, okay? - Huh.
- And you look nervous.
I've never met the Rahaloon before.
What about this vest? Does it make me look too liberal? Or fat? Maybe I should never have invited them.
You had to show Reverend Holy Baloney who's boss! You're right.
They will come.
He will see.
There is nothing to worry about.
[ Vehicle crashing, banging .]
Do you hear that? Hm? [ Metal door slamming .]
Salaam alaikum, my brothers! I am Farook! [ Chuckling, grunting .]
Ha! Walaikum Assalaam! I am Baber.
and This is Faisal.
[ Nervous laughter .]
I am so pleased to meet two such fine and upstanding Muslim men.
It is our pleasure.
You make yourself at home, our mosque is your mosque.
Right, Faisal? - Ah-ha.
- It has been a long day on the road.
Is there some place where I can put a few of my things? Of course, brother.
Amaar's, or my office is straight down the hallway and the prayer hall is Here.
Farook: Wonderful.
I told you, everything's going to be fine! Yalla, yalla, yalla! Come on, brothers! - Bring everything! - Man: Hello, bhaiya! Let's go, you guys! You want to eat, you pick up the pots! Farook: Let's go! Everything, guys.
The carpet, this way! Farook: Come on! [ Mixed chatter .]
- Look what they've done to our mosque! - I know.
- Ew.
It's wonderful! Faisal: I can't tell you how good it is to have our mosque full of true conservatives like me.
Farook: Like you? With your shiny shalwar kameez and your fancy topi you should be wearing jewels! Go make some roti, sister.
And then come and tell us which one you wish to marry.
[ Laughter .]
Man: Yes, yes, he is like a woman! Cook for us, sister.
Oh, my God! O- o-okay.
So now this is happening.
Oh, wet socks.
- That is just nasty! - Ugh! Oh, salaam alaikum.
Rayyan and Sister Sarah.
Rayyan & Sarah: Walaikum assalaam.
So, we have visitors.
Heh-heh.
What were you thinking? The Raha-loonies? Shh! [ Whispering .]
I've discovered they do not like to be called that.
Farook: Can I help you to solve this problem? Oh no, no.
[ Forced laughter .]
What problem? These womans.
I can tell by their immodest dress - that they must be nothing but trouble.
- Bah! This one's painted like a strumpet.
Painted? Oh, this is just lip gloss.
I just love the taste of apricots.
Ah, ah, ah.
No one's talking to you.
They're just talking about you.
Ugh, let's go, Mom.
We know where we're not welcome.
Clearly not.
You are still here.
Uh Farook! Don't you think that is a little bit too extreme? It's not a little bit too extreme.
It's completely extreme.
And that is to say it is good.
Extremely good! But Farook! I am the imam.
Baber, please.
And we are your humble guests.
Here to help you to spread the Rahaloon's purest rules of Islam.
You mean take over? Yes.
No! Mostly yes.
[ ♪ .]
[ Crickets chirping .]
Salaam alaikum.
Walaikum assalaam! - You came to join me? - If it's all right.
Well, I'm not sure we have any room.
[ Laugh .]
I'm just kidding.
The more the merrier.
And good news, you beat the rush! - Rayyan: Yeah.
- Sarah: [ Laughing .]
[ Mixed murmurs .]
You knew they'd come.
I didn't know but I hoped.
Huh.
[ ♪ .]
[ Mixed chatter .]
What are they doing? Various: Whoa! [ Clattering .]
Both: Oh, my goodness! Can you believe that? No, I can't! It's really gotten out of hand! Absolutely.
I know, now I almost feel sorry for them.
Exactly! What? Sorry for them? Well, they don't look very happy with their new guests.
Not happy at all.
Oh, come on! What is it going to take? Huh.
I mean What is it going to take for you good, fine, kind, Christian ladies to run out of cheeks to turn? I don't know, I mean if they did something really, overtly offensive.
Then you'd want the Muslims gone Theoretically? Yeah, I guess that would do it.
Yeah.
Well, oka-ay.
Yes, now we're getting somewhere.
[ ♪ .]
Mrs.
Wispinski: They're certainly a rough crowd.
Mrs.
Hobbs: Poor Yousef.
It's an invasion, my friendlies.
Your Moslems are multiplying.
So, say adios to pork products.
Sayonara to single malt.
And take one long, last leer at the ladies 'cause we'll be lucky if we ever see the female form again.
Fatima, Fatima.
Fred: [ On radio .]
Now, the winds are changing in Mercy and I don't like the smell of them one bit.
They are unbearable.
- You have got to do something! - What? This goat curry is terrible.
Green pepper? Ridiculous! So terrible that you only devoured three orders.
Each! Now, who will be paying for all of this? Farook: Sister, please, how can you put a price on the spiritual guidance of the Rahaloon? Easy.
Just add up what you ate, and add tax.
But, we are the guests of the Mosque.
Baber will take care of the bill.
What? I can't afford to pay for that.
Then stand up to them.
Before it is too late! As imam sometimes, I must do the tough things.
[ Slaps table .]
Farook! You and I have to talk.
Yes? Uh Let me take care of that for you.
[ Nervous laugh .]
Men: Ah-h That woman is unbearable.
This place is unbearable.
This food is unbearable.
What if I knew a place where you could cook your own food? - That might just be bearable.
- Yes.
Just a few announcements before we begin.
As you may have guessed, teen halaqa will not be held in the community room this week because we don't have one.
[ Laughter .]
Amaar: Instead we'll be over by those trees there.
This is so beautiful.
Why don't we pray out here all the time? Ah, wind, rain, hail, snow, locusts.
Right.
But it's beautiful now.
It is.
[ Crickets chirping .]
Let's begin our prayers.
[ ♪ .]
This week's halaqa teen class has been cancelled because there are no more teenagers in the mosque.
And the meeting of this week's women's fund raising committee has also been cancelled, because there are no more women left in the mosque.
And now, for my very first sermon as your imam, I am going to [ Clearing throat .]
Yes, Farook.
Is there a problem? It's just, as your guest, I was hope I would give the sermon.
- But, you see - Unless you wish to deny me, after I came all this way to help you.
Men: [ Murmurs of agreement .]
Fine.
Today's sermon is on weakness in the face of pressure from our peers.
Oh, that's a bit on the nose.
Amaar: Salaam alaikum, Fatima! So glad you could join us.
Walaikum assalaam.
I had to.
I needed to find out where all of my paying customers were.
- [ Laughter .]
- That, and if I stayed at the café I was going to kill Baber.
- Mm.
- Mm.
What are you doing here? Come on, Rayyan.
Salaam alaikum, Faisal.
Everyone's welcome here.
Walaikum assalaam.
Amaar This is hard for me to say.
Baber was wrong.
That is very big of you.
It is, isn't it? Also, Baber should not have fired you.
Thank you.
Well, that's almost everyone.
So, when do we go? Go where? Get our mosque back! Oh, well.
I'd like to take it slow and steady.
You know, the tortoise and the hare.
Delicious.
But who has time for that? I don't think it's that simple.
Amaar, why did you stop being our imam? Because the people chose Baber.
Things have changed.
Look around.
They chose you.
You know, it's funny.
You spend a long enough time praying for a sign and you almost miss it when it arrives.
[ Sigh .]
Let's go! [ ♪ .]
Mrs.
Wispinski: Reverend, we came as soon as we could.
I've never heard of an emergency bake sale bef Thorne: Whoa, whoa, what is this? I am genuinely shocked.
I came here for a simple, everyday emergency bake sale, and I find this! They've taken over our community hall.
They what? Do I look as shocked as I think I do? [ Goat braying .]
Women: [ Shocked cries .]
Mrs.
Hobbs: Are those goats? They're bringing their pets into the church! I don't think they're their pets.
I think it's dinner.
- Oh! - Thorne: It's terrible, horrifying! [ Goat braying .]
Women: [ Screaming .]
Loose goat! Loose goat! [ Screaming .]
This is too much.
You have to do something.
I hate to say this, but the mosque has got to go! [ Whispering .]
Finally.
What? What? Uh I reluctantly agree, ladies.
Breaks my heart.
[ ♪ .]
Baber.
Oh.
Amaar.
And everyone.
What a surprise! Baber, the people have chosen.
I am their imam again.
What? You've all turned against me after all I've done for you? Look, I know you're upset, Baber.
[ Pots clattering .]
[ Men arguing .]
Oh, fine.
Have it your way! You are the imam again.
I hope you're happy.
First day on the job and already you've lost us our mosque.
- What? - Oh! [ Mixed chatter .]
[ ♪ .]
[ Goat braying .]
Thorne: Amaar! You're just in time! It's so good to see you here.
Well, not in here, but out here.
Where you belong.
Can we talk about this? Um no, no.
You see, I'm afraid for too long now I've been what the Good Book calls: "A stranger in a strange land.
" Speaking of Exodus, it's time to make yours.
I'd like to say I'll see you in the afterlife but who'd I be kidding, right? [ ♪ .]
[ Sigh .]
[ Murmurs of discontent .]
- What are we going to do? Okay, everyone.
Please relax! Everything is going to be okay.
And you are basing that on? Okay, so we lost a building.
We all know this.
That is why we are so upset.
But look what we've found! We're here.
Together.
One congregation.
One Ummah.
One purpose.
That is the heart of the Mosque.
No one can take that away from us.
That is beautiful, Amaar.
Yes.
And it is also nonsense.
A Mosque is nothing without a mosque to be in.
We have nothing! We need a place to pray.
- They make a lot of sense.
- Ugh! I hope they're wrong.
Do you have a plan? Nope.
But He does.
He always has a plan.
I just hope He lets us in on it.