Magnum, P.I. (1980) s04e17 Episode Script
Let the Punishment Fit the Crime
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be ** Beautiful young girls in a chorus line? As the director, l carry the entire emotional burden of this production.
* Three Little Maids from school are we ** My God, l don't believe it.
What makes you think your brother's in trouble? His two friends tried to leave the group, and a week later were found dead.
Jump.
You failed to mention that your hot clue involved total immersion.
Get down! [exclaiming.]
[exclaims.]
[exclaims.]
(Magnum) Higgins, you down there? Yes.
Just a moment, please.
l'm sorry.
l was looking for Jonathan Higgins.
Magnum, what do you want? [laughing.]
What are you doing? Agatha and her friends are arguing over who stands where the rental company just arrived with all the costumes and some carpenter asked me to pay him for your stage and l find you in here shadow slashing.
Yes, yes.
l'm coming.
Really, Magnum, l don't think you understand the creative temperament.
As the director, l carry the entire emotional burden of this production.
l was merely reviewing the score in private.
Oh, really? Looks to me like you were practicing for a part.
The lead? Naturally, a responsible director would be prepared to step in at a moment's notice in case one of his cast members became ill.
Just another of the many obligations of being a director.
Constantly tugged in one direction or another expected to be in three places at once and here you are, making more demands on me.
Honestly, Magnum, what do you perceive me to be? **[Behold the Lord High Executioner playing.]
* Behold the Lord High Executioner * * A personage of noble rank and title * * A dignified and potent officer * * Whose functions are particularly vital * * Defer, defer * * To the Lord High Executioner ** (Higgins) With all l have to do and you still haven't made arrangements for security for the performance? Well, l talked to Rick and T.
C but they said they didn't want to hang out with a bunch of opera guys.
The Sandwich lslands Savoyards and Sir Cedric Brooke are hardly a bunch of opera guys.
Well, l'm sure they didn't mean any offense by it.
All right, what do you want? The darkroom.
l want unrestricted use of the darkroom, and we have a deal.
Very well.
[laughing.]
(woman) Okay, guys.
This is pretty good.
It's coming along.
Now let's take a break.
All right, lads.
Thank you.
Now, Three Little Maids, with the piano.
l don't believe it.
Now Big Harry canceled.
l am trying to talk to you about this important security job and all you want to talk about is some poker game? Not ''some'' poker game.
The biggest game this lsland's ever seen, with the richest pot.
And now, l don't have anywhere to play.
Oh, l already told you.
l am not interested in standing guard at Higgins' latest charity event.
But this won't even seem like working.
You can see the show for free.
[scoffs.]
l saw Higgins' show last year.
Count me out.
Well, l wouldn't even be doing this myself except someone has to ensure the safety of these beautiful girls in the chorus line.
Girls? What girls? Excuse me.
l was told l might find Thomas Magnum here.
l can wait if you're busy.
Busy? Are you kidding? Come on, sit down.
Are you Mr.
Magnum? No, l'm Thomas Magnum.
We're his associates.
Yes.
What can we help you with? l don't have any associates.
Thomas, what are you talking about? We were just talking about the security job the three of us were going to take.
Right.
lf you'll just come with me, we can discuss this in private over here.
Wow.
Well, better luck next time, buddy.
Think that's one of the chorus girls he was talking about? (Sally) This was taken in his senior year in school.
Look at that smile.
Such an honest and trusting face.
What makes you think your brother's in trouble? Well, for the first few months after he got here we talked on the phone almost every week.
He had these plans for me to come over.
l'm just a graduate student in music.
How was l going to get the money to come to Hawaii? Then he and his two buddies joined this eastern chanting group.
l don't know, he.
He became a different person.
He was so distant, and cold.
And then he stopped calling altogether.
You think they're holding him against his will? The last time l talked to him, he was so belligerent, l did some checking.
l found out that his two friends tried to leave the group and a week later were found dead.
How did they die? Drowned.
The police say it was an accident.
Well, l'm sorry to.
Listen, your brother-- l haven't seen him since.
Do you have an address, anything to go on? Yes, but if they know that we're looking for him.
No, we'll be careful.
(Magnum) Eric's address was one of the roughest neighborhoods in Honolulu.
Or anywhere else.
Most people who lived here weren't in trouble.
They were past trouble.
Eric wouldn't live like this.
l know something has happened to him.
l mean, if he's still alive he's not himself.
This group that he hooked up with did he say anything about their activities? Well, he told me that they give all of their material belongings to their spiritual leader.
And that they do honest labor for their soul's salvation and give the money to the poor.
What is it? ''Help wanted.
'' Shipping lines, unloading freight.
lt's circled.
Honest labor.
Maybe l can find him there.
Listen, l'm gonna take you back to your hotel and check this out.
Where are you staying? l don't really have a hotel.
l can just.
l'll stay here.
l can't leave you here.
lt's not safe.
l don't know what else to do.
**[piano playing.]
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be * * Filled to the brim with girlish glee * * Three Little Maids from school * (Agatha) * Everything is a source of fun * * Nobody's safe for we care for none * * Life is a joke that's just begun * * Three Little Maids from school * * Three Little Maids from school * * Three Little Maids from school ** [piano stops.]
Ladies.
l believe l detect a glimmer of improvement.
However, your fan work is still woefully inadequate.
But, Jonathan, it's so difficult.
First, the steps.
Then when we learned that, the fans.
Yes, then the dance steps.
Don't forget all of them.
And my poor swollen ankles.
Since 1885, when Gilbert and Sullivan's immortal Mikado was first presented the Three Little Maids have performed this song exactly as l have taught it to you.
ln your hands, ladies is a tradition stretching back to the glorious days of the Empire.
You, too, will uphold it.
Yes, even cherish it.
Higgins? Excuse me.
Ladies.
Hello, Agatha.
l'd like you to meet Sally De Forest.
(Higgins) Hello.
About my poor swollen ankle couldn't we possibly eliminate just one difficult step in the dance? lmpossible.
Our guest star, Sir Cedric Brooke, will have no rehearsal time with us.
He will arrive prepared to step into the classic blocking and staging.
And you ladies must not fail him.
We will try yet again.
Magnum, unless you're here to explain that this young woman is a security expert.
No, no, no.
Sally de Forest is a client.
Oh, really? And l have a small favor to ask.
Nothing important.
lt just seems that Sally's had a run of bad luck lately and-- Starting with hiring you as her investigator, no doubt.
l'll ignore that, and l told her there would be absolutely no problem none whatsoever, with her staying here on the estate in one of the many, many empty rooms which are always ready completely prepared in the spirit of hospitality Robin Masters is famous for.
Miss De Forest, l regret that what Magnum proposed is out of the question.
Higgins.
As you can see all energies are devoted to the final preparations for our operetta.
An unanticipated guest is not part of those plans.
l could just go back to Eric's.
She plays piano, Higgins.
Modestly, l am a superb albeit completely self-taught, rehearsal pianist.
Yes, but, if she were playing piano you could be on stage, directing your actors.
Well, perhaps.
l mean, you can't be expected to do everything constantly being tugged in one direction or another.
Well, it would give me an opportunity to step back and look at the production objectively.
Well, just give her a chance, Higgins.
lf she doesn't do a good job, she'll leave.
No hard feelings.
lt would be a pleasure.
lt's not often l get to practice on such a fine piano.
Confidentially, Higgins, l have a hot lead on this case.
There's every chance l'll wrap it up by this evening.
**[piano playing.]
A true gentleman a British gentleman would say yes.
Ladies.
(Magnum) When I write my book on how to be a world-class private investigator I'm going to include a special chapter on observation.
Now, even though I've trained my eye to pick up every detail [camera clicking.]
I still take pictures just to be absolutely sure.
After all, even a professional eye can't be as good as a camera.
[camera clicking.]
[camera clicking.]
[ship horn blowing.]
Hi guys.
How's it going? What you want, brother? Refrigerators.
l got to pick up a load of refrigerators.
l got the invoice here someplace.
This is pier 1 7, isn't it? Seventeen's around the other side.
Oh, you're kidding.
Oh, my mistake.
Listen, maybe if there's a phone somewhere that l.
lt's a company car.
Maybe you better get out of here.
Hey, l got a better idea.
Maybe one of you guys could ride with me down to the end of this dock and give me directions.
What do you say? We gave you directions.
(man #1) Didn't you hear? Hey, come on, lighten up.
All l want is my refrigerators.
Big 22-cubic-footers with ice makers? We got ice for you, pal.
Jump.
What? [water splashing.]
Jump.
(Magnum) Once, when I was a kid three older guys decided to beat me up for no apparent reason.
I held my own until a fourth showed up.
And from that day on, I vowed that three was my limit.
Particularly when I didn't know what I was fighting about.
**[piano playing.]
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be * * Filled to the brim with girlish glee * * Three Little Maids from school * * Everything is a source of fun * (Agatha) * Nobody's safe, for we care for none * Beautiful young girls in a chorus line? Since when did you believe anything that Thomas said? l told you he was just trying to con you into doing security for him.
Well, this time it didn't work.
* Three Little Maids who all unwary ** (Higgins) All right, you can stop.
Not entirely unacceptable.
Now, Miss De Forest, again from the chorus, please.
Could l make a suggestion? Yes.
lf l played it a tone lower, l think it might be a little easier for them.
Oh, can you do that? (Agatha) lt would be heavenly not to-- Oh, my God.
You failed to mention that your hot clue involved total immersion.
Tell me that Mr.
Masters' camera is not-- The camera is fine! The only reason that l'm a little bit wet is l was conducting a surveillance.
(Agatha) Oh, Jonathan it is 4:00.
Very well.
Tea.
Did you see Eric? Well, how was he? How does he look? Well, l didn't actually get to talk to him.
But he looks all right.
Miss De Forest.
l'll be right there.
When do l get to see him? l'm working on it.
(Agatha) Will you have some tea? Oh, thanks, Agatha.
Thanks, Agatha.
All right, so they were a little messy.
Not a little messy.
The last time that you and your poker buddies used my place it looked like someone set off a claymore mine in the living room.
Do you wanna explain this? No.
Rick, l'm glad you're here.
Thomas, if this is about security, l'm not doing it.
Hey.
What are these? These are really great.
Cucumber sandwiches.
Oh, l love vegetable sandwiches.
Rick, l'm not going to ask you about security.
Thanks, Agatha.
You already turned me down.
l respect that.
Good.
l need you to run down an address for me, from a license plate.
Thomas, l just happen to be a little busy right now.
l'm trying to find a place for my poker game by tomorrow afternoon.
How long could it take you to run down an address? l love cards.
They're so relaxing.
One phone call.
When my mother and father went on their world cruise they began playing cards with another couple.
From Australia, l believe.
What do you say? Okay, okay.
Thanks.
They started betting a penny a point.
[laughs.]
High rollers, huh, Aggie? By the end of the cruise, my father had lost $10,000.
Ten? $10,000? Yes.
(Rick) What did you say they call this game? Bridge.
Think you could teach me how to play? l'd be delighted! Agatha.
Well, as much as l'd hate to miss the second chorus.
You riding with me, buddy? Oh, yeah.
l've got things to do, too.
See you later.
l'll call you later, too.
Thanks.
All right, ladies.
[knocking on door.]
Come in.
**[music playing.]
Magnum, l've.
Are you having trouble with your lights? No! [sharply.]
What do you want? l've just spoken to Sir Cedric.
Apparently, he's on the lsland although he's not arriving at the estate until curtain time.
Throw me that shirt, will you? And he's leaving right after the performance although he won't say where he's going.
lt's not Robin's.
l bought it.
Obviously.
Higgins, could we discuss this tomorrow? lt's so typical of him to turn everything into a cloak-and-dagger event.
Even a simple production of The Mikado.
(Sally) Hello.
Hello.
l hope l'm not early.
No.
No.
Higgins was just leaving.
Weren't you, Higgins? We'll discuss the schedule tomorrow morning.
(Magnum) First thing.
[enunciating.]
Be sure the wine has ample time to breathe.
You want some wine? l'd love some.
Why don't you sit down? Well, l'm not sure what l was expecting, but this is nice.
lt's friendly.
Lived in.
Yeah.
l hope you like Ahi Kupa.
What's that? Oh, it's an old family recipe.
Tuna casserole.
[chuckling.]
Tuna casserole? Yeah.
Do you know that that is the only thing that my mother knew how to cook? You're kidding.
No.
Well, that and scrambled eggs.
Well, we could order out for some pizza.
No.
l love tuna casserole.
Besides, l'm much too hungry to wait for pizza.
Well, that will be ready in a few minutes.
Okay, thanks.
Oh, excuse me.
When l was growing up, my father was in the Navy.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
We moved around a lot.
Every year or so, there l was, the new kid in town.
No matter where we were, there were always two things that l could count on.
One, that my brother, Eric, was my best friend number two, that my mother would make tuna casserole for dinner.
She used to try and disguise it by calling it different names also.
''Tuna Kim Chee'' when we were in Korea.
(Rick) Thomas.
[door closes.]
What? Whoa.
Hey l'm sorry l barged in on you like this.
Hi, Sally.
l got that information for you.
l thought you were gonna call.
Well, l was.
But l decided it'd better if l just talked to you face to face.
ls it about Eric? Yeah.
Here, l brought the address over.
Oh, great.
But l figure, one favor deserves another.
About my poker game tomorrow afternoon-- No.
Now, wait a minute.
You don't even know what l'm gonna ask.
You're going to ask if you can have it here, and you can't because the Sandwich lslands Savoyards are performing The Mikado tomorrow.
l know.
Which means that l'll be able to use the club.
As long as you make sure Higgins doesn't stop there for anything.
All right.
Great! Hey, what is this stuff, anyway? You know, it smells like something my mother used to make.
Tuna Noblidad.
(Magnum) People can be a little funny about communal living and unfamiliar lifestyles so it's not unusual for a cult to choose an out-of-the-way address.
[people chattering.]
But the dragon symbol of this order told me these were not the types who ask for money at airports.
I didn't want to overreact by charging in there, gun in hand but, like my Uncle George always said ''it's a good idea to put something away for a rainy day.
'' [groaning.]
[whispering.]
l'm a friend of Sally's.
Be quiet, okay? You're the guy from the dock.
Sally is here.
She is worried about you.
She all right? She's fine.
You shouldn't have come.
What are you doing here? l can explain.
What is the meaning of this? Well, we were just leaving.
Come on, Eric.
You want to leave your friends, Eric? [Magnum groaning.]
Oh, no.
l am not going in the water again.
Come on, Eric! [gun firing.]
[tires screeching.]
(Rick) Two, no trump.
(Agatha) Oh, hello, Mr.
Magnum.
Three, clubs.
Hello, Agatha.
How's it going? Swimmingly.
l can't thank you enough.
Rick told us how you offered to let us use your place as a bridge parlor.
Oh, he did? (T.
C.
) Three, hearts.
Double.
Redouble.
Thomas, would you get me a beer while you're up? Bid's to you, Aggie.
(Agatha) Three hearts doubled and redoubled.
Oh, l pass.
lndeed, l do.
Well, l think l'll lead the king of trumps just to see what's what.
We'll talk later.
Rick, where are your hearts? You have no trumps.
Of course not.
You're the one that insisted on hearts, T.
C.
T.
C.
, can l talk to you for a minute? Yeah, sure.
Here Sylvia, would you play this, please? l hate to see a grown man cry, especially me.
You remember that quarterback on your Pop Warner team? Albert.
What was his name? Charlie, Albert Charlie.
Yeah.
well, take a look at this.
(Magnum) This guy took a shot at me last night.
Hidden Dragon? Man, where'd these come from? l saw a wall hanging of the dragon last night and it looked familiar, but l couldn't quite place it.
And then this morning, l remembered Albert.
So, l went and developed these pictures l took on the docks.
Man, The Hidden Dragon.
l thought that group was dead.
So did l! What are you guys talking about? What Hidden Dragon? lt's a long story.
What are they doing back on the island? What about this dragon? Look, you know about Hong Kong the new territories, China and Britain? Yeah, their lease is almost up.
So? Yeah, well, they were having these talks, and this radical political group-- (T.
C.
) Yeah, the Hidden Dragon.
Yeah.
They tried to disrupt the talks.
They want Britain out.
What are they doing back in Honolulu? Unless.
Unless there's more talks.
[phone beeping.]
Yeah? Well-- Yeah.
Hold on a minute.
Yep-- Huh? Give me that.
Hello.
Thomas, something wonderful has happened.
Eric just called and he's ready to meet us.
(Higgins) Magnum, have you seen Agatha and Bernice? No.
l've been waiting to go over the schedule with you.
l'm expecting the guests and Sir Cedric to arrive at approximately-- l'm sorry.
l'll have to talk to you when l get back.
Where in blazes are you going? This is unbelievably irresponsible, even for you-- Higgins-- Magnum, let me explain something to you.
l directed Sir Cedric Brooke in The Mikado when we were schoolboys at Eton.
Wait a minute.
Sir Cedric-- l directed him in The Mikado when we were under the same command in Burma.
His lifelong study of oriental society and custom made his interpretation of the role-- ls Sir Cedric with the British Diplomatic Corps? Good heavens, no.
Cedric? The man has all the tact of a charging rhinoceros.
That does not alter the fact that he called and personally asked me to put together this production of The Mikado.
lf he arrives and finds either the production or my security measures lacking, l shall be personally humiliated.
l'll be back.
Security will be impeccable.
And as for the show, what could possibly compete with a Jonathan Quayle Higgins production? What does Sir Cedric do? He's retired.
(Magnum) Ever wonder why there's no retirement home for private investigators? I have.
Often.
And my reaction is that it always pays to be smarter than the other guy.
Especially when the other guy may be waiting to do you in.
I was beginning to see things that didn't add up.
A newspaper ad left conveniently where I'd find it.
Guys shooting at me at close range and missing.
Now, maybe Eric was waiting for me at the remote location he'd given Sally.
[tires screeching.]
And then again, maybe he wasn't.
I had a growing suspicion that Eric hadn't joined the Hidden Dragon to learn chanting.
When he left the commune alone, my suspicion was confirmed.
Unless that was a guitar in the rifle case.
But I couldn't convince myself he was on his way to a jam session.
And something T.
C.
said kept nagging at me.
Were there more talks? And if not, why would a retired expert on China like Sir Cedric choose this particular time to come to Honolulu to star in a production of The Mikado? (Higgins) Aha! The miscreants exposed! This is shocking behavior from members of my troupe.
Jonathan, l think you're overreacting a bit.
You will return to rehearsal at once.
Now wait a minute, Higgins.
You can't break this game up now.
T.
C.
and l are behind.
$1,200.
$1,200? Gambling? You've been down here gambling? Agatha, this is more than just gross dereliction of duty.
Do you know, by the last rubber it will be closer to $1,500.
$1,500? Just relax.
We'll make it up later, you know what l mean? l am simply appalled that you could behave in such an unprofessional, irresponsible manner.
Your duty is to remain close to the stage at all times in case l need you.
Oh, good heavens.
We're getting so tired of your bombastic manner.
Bombastic? Yes.
You pick on us at all the rehearsals.
Nothing we do is right.
Madam, you are on shaky ground already.
Don't throw your marginal musical manipulation in as well.
Well, you're only doing half The Mikado.
l've never seen such eccentric staging.
Eccentric? You tell him, Bernice.
l'm quitting and you're quitting with me, Agatha, aren't you? Well.
Well, Jonathan, you have perhaps been a touch too forceful with your criticisms.
Ridiculous.
''Ridiculous''! lf we're ridiculous, Agatha, we're not needed around here.
Agatha, l forbid you to go.
Nobody forbids me to do anything.
You'll come back.
Crawling.
Nobody quits the Sandwich lslands Savoyards.
They only leave when l fire them.
(Sir Cedric) Gentlemen, l think that will be all for today.
Thank you.
(man) Thank you, Sir Cedric.
We're most grateful.
[gun cocking.]
Thank you.
[groaning.]
[panting.]
(Higgins) lf it's a matter of billing l am afraid the programs have already been printed.
Oh, Jonathan, it's not the billing, or the money or a larger role.
Then what in blazes is it? l've never seen you like this.
lt's Bernice, isn't it? She's got you all fired up.
lt has nothing to do with Bernice.
lt's you, Jonathan.
l thought we were putting on a show, not some military campaign.
We should be having fun.
But you've been behaving like some.
l'm sorry, Jonathan, like some overbearing commanding officer.
Nonsense.
l was merely trying-- Yes, you have.
Like some overanxious nanny with her first charge.
You're quite right, of course.
l'm sorry to say that ever since Sir Cedric and l were in short pants long before he was Sir Cedric we have inspired in each other this unflattering competitive streak.
As a matter of fact, l had even secretly begun to wish that he wouldn't show up so that l might take his place.
l've always fancied l would make a far better Lord High Executioner than he.
Dare l hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive my churlish behavior and return with me to the estate for this afternoon's performance? (Magnum) When I was in Little League I got smashed in the head with a baseball bat.
The only difference between then and now was that Eric swung a lot harder than a 10-year-old.
I was dizzy, disoriented, and my legs felt as heavy as concrete pillars.
But the worst feeling, was knowing I had to face Sally and tell her her brother was dead.
That I'd been forced to kill him, was going to make even less sense to her.
But then, things weren't making a lot of sense to me, either.
Wait! (Higgins) She wouldn't listen.
l am doomed.
They're not coming back? Why today, of all days, has Agatha chosen to demonstrate her resolve? Weeks of backbreaking rehearsal.
All my personal prestige on the line, along with my reputation as an artist.
The entire British colony here today not to mention, a guest star of international renown.
And what befalls me? Ruin.
Humiliation.
Disaster.
(T.
C.
) Well, it could be worse.
l mean, just get two more girls.
That routine isn't that hard to learn.
That routine has at least intonations, and gestures.
Don't forget the dance steps.
lt's simply impossible.
Come on Higgins.
Listen, T.
C.
and l learned all that stuff.
Well, we did.
Listen, every time one of those girls was dummy she was up and around that room, dancing and singing.
Yeah.
At first l thought it was some kind of secret signal.
They were very dedicated to you, Jonathan.
You're the loyal one, Sylvia.
You didn't quit.
You stuck with me.
Well, l think you've been a terrible bully, too but l've worked and waited all my life to sing and dance in this show.
Higgins, look, you're not listening.
lt's a snap.
l'm telling you! T.
C.
, come on.
All right.
[laughing.]
(Rick) Here we go.
Feet together.
Legs together.
Five, six, seven, eight.
[in bad falsetto.]
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be * * Filled to the brim with girlish glee * * Three Little Maids from school ** My God.
l don't believe it.
Could you possibly do that one more time? Oh, you're not thinking of putting these two in the-- And this time, a little more coquettish with the eyes.
Oh, if you're doing what l think you're gonna do, l'll quit.
l'm warning you.
What is she going on about? Nothing.
lgnore her.
Concentrate.
Oh, you're doing it! And l quit! (Rick) Hey, Sylvia, wait a minute.
He's not serious.
We're only joking with you.
She'll be back.
She said herself she's been waiting all of her life for this.
Now, about your costumes.
Higgins, l got a very important engagement.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, hey, You can forget it.
No way the kid gonna look ridiculous.
Of course, not.
Yeah.
(Higgins) Certainly not.
However, it does occur to me that your half of that sordid gambling debt must be equal to the monthly payment for your helicopter.
And as for you, Rick, l'm sure the Board of Directors of the club would want to seriously reconsider the employment of a known gambler.
Now, of course, if both of you were to volunteer to be in the show l might possibly be able to use my influence with both the ladies and the Board of Directors.
The decision, naturally, is up to you.
You wouldn't.
Oh, yes, l would.
(Magnum) The more I walked, the more I put the pieces together.
How would Eric have known where to call Sally? And who had led me step by step to the clues that had lured me away from the estate and from the assassination plot? Sally.
The beauty with the innocent eyes and the heartbreak smile had set me up.
And even though Eric had failed, I realized he was only plan A.
If I didn't find a way to get home soon the Lord High Executioner was gonna be executed himself.
The other foot, Rick.
T.
C.
, l can't do it alone.
You got to be in the show.
l mean, think of Gilbert and Sullivan.
Think of the money.
l have.
l made a deal with Higgins to cover security for Magnum.
And that will take care of my part of the debt.
Goodbye.
That's just great.
Rick, you're not even dressed yet.
Higgins has already called half-hour.
Look, Sally.
l can't do it.
l can't remember the words l can't remember the motivation and l can't-- l can't look coquettish.
Yes, you can.
Sit down, and l'll help you finish your makeup.
Quickly, please.
l'm calling everyone into the study.
Sir Cedric is here.
Dumb.
lt is an honor to welcome to the Sandwich lslands Savoyards our very special guest star whose generosity in coming today to lend his support to our endeavor is legend.
Sir Cedric Brooke.
Thank you all very much.
lt's a pleasure to see the spirit of Gilbert and Sullivan flourish so far from home.
l'm sure today's performance will indeed be most memorable.
Thank you again.
All right, everybody.
Sally, we can't do this alone.
Now, who is going to play the third little maid? lf Sylvia doesn't come back, then we'll just do it without her.
The show must go on.
Higgins.
Higgins, this is your last chance to reconsider.
You got to cut the Three Little Maids number.
We can't just do it with the two of us.
(Agatha) You won't have to.
Agatha.
l'm afraid l wasn't able to convince Bernice and Sylvia.
But your apology was certainly good enough for me.
Thank you.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Get ready.
And remember: coquettish.
Coquettish.
And a big, bright.
light opera smile.
**[orchestra playing.]
[orchestra stops.]
(Magnum) The old guy who picked me up considered 30 miles an hour speeding and the ride cost me every cent I had.
But it was worth it if I was in time.
Otherwise Higgins' classic staging of the Three Little Maids would be one that no one would ever forget.
**[orchestra playing.]
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be * * Filled to the brim with girlish glee * * Three Little Maids from school * * Everything is a source of fun * * Nobody's safe for we care for none * * Life is a joke that's just begun * (all) * Three Little Maids from school * * Three Little Maids who all unwary * * Come from a ladies' seminary * * Freed from its genius tutelary * * Three Little Maids from school * Sir Cedric, get down! * Three Little Maids * [gun fires.]
* from school ** [people cheering.]
(man) Bravo! Bravo! [door closes.]
Higgins? (Higgins) Well, what have you got to say for yourself? And this had better be good.
No.
You.
You have got some explaining to do.
l almost got killed chasing down some lunatic who was after your friend.
lf you had been attending to security, as l asked you to do you would have uncovered the plot before it got to some ridiculous cliffside confrontation.
lf you had told me why Sir Cedric was here, l could have handled security.
l don't appreciate being left in the dark, Higgins.
How in blazes was l supposed to tell you something l didn't know myself? You should have suspected the truth when that girl approached you in the first place Wait a minute.
with that preposterous story about.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
Sir Cedric, your good friend who's been through several wars with you, did not tell you why he was here? No.
Doesn't that make you mad? Furious.
[laughing.]
What? lt's nothing.
Just.
l'm upset with Sally because she lied to me.
And you're upset with Sir Cedric because he lied to you.
And here we are, taking it out on each other.
[humphs.]
Yes.
l see what you mean.
(Rick) Higgins! [door closes.]
Hi, Thomas.
Hi, Rick.
Higgins, l've been giving next year's show.
Well, l've been giving it a lot of thought.
Next year's show? Mmm-hmm.
You know, l got to admit, at first just the thought of me doing some stupid musical, well it really wasn't something l wanted to do.
But then, after today's performance, well.
Well, here.
The Pirates of Penzance? Yeah, don't you see? The Pirate King.
l'm perfect! Come on, l'll show you.
l assure you, that's not necessary.
Higgins, please, just let me show you.
Take a second.
* l am the Pirate King * * lt is, it is, a glorious thing to be the Pirate King * Magnum, please don't go.
Higgins, just think.
[Magnum laughing .]
We got a whole year just to get my voice in shape.
* l am the Pirate King * * lt is, it is a glorious thing to be the Pirate King * * lt is, it is, it is **
* Three Little Maids from school are we ** My God, l don't believe it.
What makes you think your brother's in trouble? His two friends tried to leave the group, and a week later were found dead.
Jump.
You failed to mention that your hot clue involved total immersion.
Get down! [exclaiming.]
[exclaims.]
[exclaims.]
(Magnum) Higgins, you down there? Yes.
Just a moment, please.
l'm sorry.
l was looking for Jonathan Higgins.
Magnum, what do you want? [laughing.]
What are you doing? Agatha and her friends are arguing over who stands where the rental company just arrived with all the costumes and some carpenter asked me to pay him for your stage and l find you in here shadow slashing.
Yes, yes.
l'm coming.
Really, Magnum, l don't think you understand the creative temperament.
As the director, l carry the entire emotional burden of this production.
l was merely reviewing the score in private.
Oh, really? Looks to me like you were practicing for a part.
The lead? Naturally, a responsible director would be prepared to step in at a moment's notice in case one of his cast members became ill.
Just another of the many obligations of being a director.
Constantly tugged in one direction or another expected to be in three places at once and here you are, making more demands on me.
Honestly, Magnum, what do you perceive me to be? **[Behold the Lord High Executioner playing.]
* Behold the Lord High Executioner * * A personage of noble rank and title * * A dignified and potent officer * * Whose functions are particularly vital * * Defer, defer * * To the Lord High Executioner ** (Higgins) With all l have to do and you still haven't made arrangements for security for the performance? Well, l talked to Rick and T.
C but they said they didn't want to hang out with a bunch of opera guys.
The Sandwich lslands Savoyards and Sir Cedric Brooke are hardly a bunch of opera guys.
Well, l'm sure they didn't mean any offense by it.
All right, what do you want? The darkroom.
l want unrestricted use of the darkroom, and we have a deal.
Very well.
[laughing.]
(woman) Okay, guys.
This is pretty good.
It's coming along.
Now let's take a break.
All right, lads.
Thank you.
Now, Three Little Maids, with the piano.
l don't believe it.
Now Big Harry canceled.
l am trying to talk to you about this important security job and all you want to talk about is some poker game? Not ''some'' poker game.
The biggest game this lsland's ever seen, with the richest pot.
And now, l don't have anywhere to play.
Oh, l already told you.
l am not interested in standing guard at Higgins' latest charity event.
But this won't even seem like working.
You can see the show for free.
[scoffs.]
l saw Higgins' show last year.
Count me out.
Well, l wouldn't even be doing this myself except someone has to ensure the safety of these beautiful girls in the chorus line.
Girls? What girls? Excuse me.
l was told l might find Thomas Magnum here.
l can wait if you're busy.
Busy? Are you kidding? Come on, sit down.
Are you Mr.
Magnum? No, l'm Thomas Magnum.
We're his associates.
Yes.
What can we help you with? l don't have any associates.
Thomas, what are you talking about? We were just talking about the security job the three of us were going to take.
Right.
lf you'll just come with me, we can discuss this in private over here.
Wow.
Well, better luck next time, buddy.
Think that's one of the chorus girls he was talking about? (Sally) This was taken in his senior year in school.
Look at that smile.
Such an honest and trusting face.
What makes you think your brother's in trouble? Well, for the first few months after he got here we talked on the phone almost every week.
He had these plans for me to come over.
l'm just a graduate student in music.
How was l going to get the money to come to Hawaii? Then he and his two buddies joined this eastern chanting group.
l don't know, he.
He became a different person.
He was so distant, and cold.
And then he stopped calling altogether.
You think they're holding him against his will? The last time l talked to him, he was so belligerent, l did some checking.
l found out that his two friends tried to leave the group and a week later were found dead.
How did they die? Drowned.
The police say it was an accident.
Well, l'm sorry to.
Listen, your brother-- l haven't seen him since.
Do you have an address, anything to go on? Yes, but if they know that we're looking for him.
No, we'll be careful.
(Magnum) Eric's address was one of the roughest neighborhoods in Honolulu.
Or anywhere else.
Most people who lived here weren't in trouble.
They were past trouble.
Eric wouldn't live like this.
l know something has happened to him.
l mean, if he's still alive he's not himself.
This group that he hooked up with did he say anything about their activities? Well, he told me that they give all of their material belongings to their spiritual leader.
And that they do honest labor for their soul's salvation and give the money to the poor.
What is it? ''Help wanted.
'' Shipping lines, unloading freight.
lt's circled.
Honest labor.
Maybe l can find him there.
Listen, l'm gonna take you back to your hotel and check this out.
Where are you staying? l don't really have a hotel.
l can just.
l'll stay here.
l can't leave you here.
lt's not safe.
l don't know what else to do.
**[piano playing.]
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be * * Filled to the brim with girlish glee * * Three Little Maids from school * (Agatha) * Everything is a source of fun * * Nobody's safe for we care for none * * Life is a joke that's just begun * * Three Little Maids from school * * Three Little Maids from school * * Three Little Maids from school ** [piano stops.]
Ladies.
l believe l detect a glimmer of improvement.
However, your fan work is still woefully inadequate.
But, Jonathan, it's so difficult.
First, the steps.
Then when we learned that, the fans.
Yes, then the dance steps.
Don't forget all of them.
And my poor swollen ankles.
Since 1885, when Gilbert and Sullivan's immortal Mikado was first presented the Three Little Maids have performed this song exactly as l have taught it to you.
ln your hands, ladies is a tradition stretching back to the glorious days of the Empire.
You, too, will uphold it.
Yes, even cherish it.
Higgins? Excuse me.
Ladies.
Hello, Agatha.
l'd like you to meet Sally De Forest.
(Higgins) Hello.
About my poor swollen ankle couldn't we possibly eliminate just one difficult step in the dance? lmpossible.
Our guest star, Sir Cedric Brooke, will have no rehearsal time with us.
He will arrive prepared to step into the classic blocking and staging.
And you ladies must not fail him.
We will try yet again.
Magnum, unless you're here to explain that this young woman is a security expert.
No, no, no.
Sally de Forest is a client.
Oh, really? And l have a small favor to ask.
Nothing important.
lt just seems that Sally's had a run of bad luck lately and-- Starting with hiring you as her investigator, no doubt.
l'll ignore that, and l told her there would be absolutely no problem none whatsoever, with her staying here on the estate in one of the many, many empty rooms which are always ready completely prepared in the spirit of hospitality Robin Masters is famous for.
Miss De Forest, l regret that what Magnum proposed is out of the question.
Higgins.
As you can see all energies are devoted to the final preparations for our operetta.
An unanticipated guest is not part of those plans.
l could just go back to Eric's.
She plays piano, Higgins.
Modestly, l am a superb albeit completely self-taught, rehearsal pianist.
Yes, but, if she were playing piano you could be on stage, directing your actors.
Well, perhaps.
l mean, you can't be expected to do everything constantly being tugged in one direction or another.
Well, it would give me an opportunity to step back and look at the production objectively.
Well, just give her a chance, Higgins.
lf she doesn't do a good job, she'll leave.
No hard feelings.
lt would be a pleasure.
lt's not often l get to practice on such a fine piano.
Confidentially, Higgins, l have a hot lead on this case.
There's every chance l'll wrap it up by this evening.
**[piano playing.]
A true gentleman a British gentleman would say yes.
Ladies.
(Magnum) When I write my book on how to be a world-class private investigator I'm going to include a special chapter on observation.
Now, even though I've trained my eye to pick up every detail [camera clicking.]
I still take pictures just to be absolutely sure.
After all, even a professional eye can't be as good as a camera.
[camera clicking.]
[camera clicking.]
[ship horn blowing.]
Hi guys.
How's it going? What you want, brother? Refrigerators.
l got to pick up a load of refrigerators.
l got the invoice here someplace.
This is pier 1 7, isn't it? Seventeen's around the other side.
Oh, you're kidding.
Oh, my mistake.
Listen, maybe if there's a phone somewhere that l.
lt's a company car.
Maybe you better get out of here.
Hey, l got a better idea.
Maybe one of you guys could ride with me down to the end of this dock and give me directions.
What do you say? We gave you directions.
(man #1) Didn't you hear? Hey, come on, lighten up.
All l want is my refrigerators.
Big 22-cubic-footers with ice makers? We got ice for you, pal.
Jump.
What? [water splashing.]
Jump.
(Magnum) Once, when I was a kid three older guys decided to beat me up for no apparent reason.
I held my own until a fourth showed up.
And from that day on, I vowed that three was my limit.
Particularly when I didn't know what I was fighting about.
**[piano playing.]
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be * * Filled to the brim with girlish glee * * Three Little Maids from school * * Everything is a source of fun * (Agatha) * Nobody's safe, for we care for none * Beautiful young girls in a chorus line? Since when did you believe anything that Thomas said? l told you he was just trying to con you into doing security for him.
Well, this time it didn't work.
* Three Little Maids who all unwary ** (Higgins) All right, you can stop.
Not entirely unacceptable.
Now, Miss De Forest, again from the chorus, please.
Could l make a suggestion? Yes.
lf l played it a tone lower, l think it might be a little easier for them.
Oh, can you do that? (Agatha) lt would be heavenly not to-- Oh, my God.
You failed to mention that your hot clue involved total immersion.
Tell me that Mr.
Masters' camera is not-- The camera is fine! The only reason that l'm a little bit wet is l was conducting a surveillance.
(Agatha) Oh, Jonathan it is 4:00.
Very well.
Tea.
Did you see Eric? Well, how was he? How does he look? Well, l didn't actually get to talk to him.
But he looks all right.
Miss De Forest.
l'll be right there.
When do l get to see him? l'm working on it.
(Agatha) Will you have some tea? Oh, thanks, Agatha.
Thanks, Agatha.
All right, so they were a little messy.
Not a little messy.
The last time that you and your poker buddies used my place it looked like someone set off a claymore mine in the living room.
Do you wanna explain this? No.
Rick, l'm glad you're here.
Thomas, if this is about security, l'm not doing it.
Hey.
What are these? These are really great.
Cucumber sandwiches.
Oh, l love vegetable sandwiches.
Rick, l'm not going to ask you about security.
Thanks, Agatha.
You already turned me down.
l respect that.
Good.
l need you to run down an address for me, from a license plate.
Thomas, l just happen to be a little busy right now.
l'm trying to find a place for my poker game by tomorrow afternoon.
How long could it take you to run down an address? l love cards.
They're so relaxing.
One phone call.
When my mother and father went on their world cruise they began playing cards with another couple.
From Australia, l believe.
What do you say? Okay, okay.
Thanks.
They started betting a penny a point.
[laughs.]
High rollers, huh, Aggie? By the end of the cruise, my father had lost $10,000.
Ten? $10,000? Yes.
(Rick) What did you say they call this game? Bridge.
Think you could teach me how to play? l'd be delighted! Agatha.
Well, as much as l'd hate to miss the second chorus.
You riding with me, buddy? Oh, yeah.
l've got things to do, too.
See you later.
l'll call you later, too.
Thanks.
All right, ladies.
[knocking on door.]
Come in.
**[music playing.]
Magnum, l've.
Are you having trouble with your lights? No! [sharply.]
What do you want? l've just spoken to Sir Cedric.
Apparently, he's on the lsland although he's not arriving at the estate until curtain time.
Throw me that shirt, will you? And he's leaving right after the performance although he won't say where he's going.
lt's not Robin's.
l bought it.
Obviously.
Higgins, could we discuss this tomorrow? lt's so typical of him to turn everything into a cloak-and-dagger event.
Even a simple production of The Mikado.
(Sally) Hello.
Hello.
l hope l'm not early.
No.
No.
Higgins was just leaving.
Weren't you, Higgins? We'll discuss the schedule tomorrow morning.
(Magnum) First thing.
[enunciating.]
Be sure the wine has ample time to breathe.
You want some wine? l'd love some.
Why don't you sit down? Well, l'm not sure what l was expecting, but this is nice.
lt's friendly.
Lived in.
Yeah.
l hope you like Ahi Kupa.
What's that? Oh, it's an old family recipe.
Tuna casserole.
[chuckling.]
Tuna casserole? Yeah.
Do you know that that is the only thing that my mother knew how to cook? You're kidding.
No.
Well, that and scrambled eggs.
Well, we could order out for some pizza.
No.
l love tuna casserole.
Besides, l'm much too hungry to wait for pizza.
Well, that will be ready in a few minutes.
Okay, thanks.
Oh, excuse me.
When l was growing up, my father was in the Navy.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
We moved around a lot.
Every year or so, there l was, the new kid in town.
No matter where we were, there were always two things that l could count on.
One, that my brother, Eric, was my best friend number two, that my mother would make tuna casserole for dinner.
She used to try and disguise it by calling it different names also.
''Tuna Kim Chee'' when we were in Korea.
(Rick) Thomas.
[door closes.]
What? Whoa.
Hey l'm sorry l barged in on you like this.
Hi, Sally.
l got that information for you.
l thought you were gonna call.
Well, l was.
But l decided it'd better if l just talked to you face to face.
ls it about Eric? Yeah.
Here, l brought the address over.
Oh, great.
But l figure, one favor deserves another.
About my poker game tomorrow afternoon-- No.
Now, wait a minute.
You don't even know what l'm gonna ask.
You're going to ask if you can have it here, and you can't because the Sandwich lslands Savoyards are performing The Mikado tomorrow.
l know.
Which means that l'll be able to use the club.
As long as you make sure Higgins doesn't stop there for anything.
All right.
Great! Hey, what is this stuff, anyway? You know, it smells like something my mother used to make.
Tuna Noblidad.
(Magnum) People can be a little funny about communal living and unfamiliar lifestyles so it's not unusual for a cult to choose an out-of-the-way address.
[people chattering.]
But the dragon symbol of this order told me these were not the types who ask for money at airports.
I didn't want to overreact by charging in there, gun in hand but, like my Uncle George always said ''it's a good idea to put something away for a rainy day.
'' [groaning.]
[whispering.]
l'm a friend of Sally's.
Be quiet, okay? You're the guy from the dock.
Sally is here.
She is worried about you.
She all right? She's fine.
You shouldn't have come.
What are you doing here? l can explain.
What is the meaning of this? Well, we were just leaving.
Come on, Eric.
You want to leave your friends, Eric? [Magnum groaning.]
Oh, no.
l am not going in the water again.
Come on, Eric! [gun firing.]
[tires screeching.]
(Rick) Two, no trump.
(Agatha) Oh, hello, Mr.
Magnum.
Three, clubs.
Hello, Agatha.
How's it going? Swimmingly.
l can't thank you enough.
Rick told us how you offered to let us use your place as a bridge parlor.
Oh, he did? (T.
C.
) Three, hearts.
Double.
Redouble.
Thomas, would you get me a beer while you're up? Bid's to you, Aggie.
(Agatha) Three hearts doubled and redoubled.
Oh, l pass.
lndeed, l do.
Well, l think l'll lead the king of trumps just to see what's what.
We'll talk later.
Rick, where are your hearts? You have no trumps.
Of course not.
You're the one that insisted on hearts, T.
C.
T.
C.
, can l talk to you for a minute? Yeah, sure.
Here Sylvia, would you play this, please? l hate to see a grown man cry, especially me.
You remember that quarterback on your Pop Warner team? Albert.
What was his name? Charlie, Albert Charlie.
Yeah.
well, take a look at this.
(Magnum) This guy took a shot at me last night.
Hidden Dragon? Man, where'd these come from? l saw a wall hanging of the dragon last night and it looked familiar, but l couldn't quite place it.
And then this morning, l remembered Albert.
So, l went and developed these pictures l took on the docks.
Man, The Hidden Dragon.
l thought that group was dead.
So did l! What are you guys talking about? What Hidden Dragon? lt's a long story.
What are they doing back on the island? What about this dragon? Look, you know about Hong Kong the new territories, China and Britain? Yeah, their lease is almost up.
So? Yeah, well, they were having these talks, and this radical political group-- (T.
C.
) Yeah, the Hidden Dragon.
Yeah.
They tried to disrupt the talks.
They want Britain out.
What are they doing back in Honolulu? Unless.
Unless there's more talks.
[phone beeping.]
Yeah? Well-- Yeah.
Hold on a minute.
Yep-- Huh? Give me that.
Hello.
Thomas, something wonderful has happened.
Eric just called and he's ready to meet us.
(Higgins) Magnum, have you seen Agatha and Bernice? No.
l've been waiting to go over the schedule with you.
l'm expecting the guests and Sir Cedric to arrive at approximately-- l'm sorry.
l'll have to talk to you when l get back.
Where in blazes are you going? This is unbelievably irresponsible, even for you-- Higgins-- Magnum, let me explain something to you.
l directed Sir Cedric Brooke in The Mikado when we were schoolboys at Eton.
Wait a minute.
Sir Cedric-- l directed him in The Mikado when we were under the same command in Burma.
His lifelong study of oriental society and custom made his interpretation of the role-- ls Sir Cedric with the British Diplomatic Corps? Good heavens, no.
Cedric? The man has all the tact of a charging rhinoceros.
That does not alter the fact that he called and personally asked me to put together this production of The Mikado.
lf he arrives and finds either the production or my security measures lacking, l shall be personally humiliated.
l'll be back.
Security will be impeccable.
And as for the show, what could possibly compete with a Jonathan Quayle Higgins production? What does Sir Cedric do? He's retired.
(Magnum) Ever wonder why there's no retirement home for private investigators? I have.
Often.
And my reaction is that it always pays to be smarter than the other guy.
Especially when the other guy may be waiting to do you in.
I was beginning to see things that didn't add up.
A newspaper ad left conveniently where I'd find it.
Guys shooting at me at close range and missing.
Now, maybe Eric was waiting for me at the remote location he'd given Sally.
[tires screeching.]
And then again, maybe he wasn't.
I had a growing suspicion that Eric hadn't joined the Hidden Dragon to learn chanting.
When he left the commune alone, my suspicion was confirmed.
Unless that was a guitar in the rifle case.
But I couldn't convince myself he was on his way to a jam session.
And something T.
C.
said kept nagging at me.
Were there more talks? And if not, why would a retired expert on China like Sir Cedric choose this particular time to come to Honolulu to star in a production of The Mikado? (Higgins) Aha! The miscreants exposed! This is shocking behavior from members of my troupe.
Jonathan, l think you're overreacting a bit.
You will return to rehearsal at once.
Now wait a minute, Higgins.
You can't break this game up now.
T.
C.
and l are behind.
$1,200.
$1,200? Gambling? You've been down here gambling? Agatha, this is more than just gross dereliction of duty.
Do you know, by the last rubber it will be closer to $1,500.
$1,500? Just relax.
We'll make it up later, you know what l mean? l am simply appalled that you could behave in such an unprofessional, irresponsible manner.
Your duty is to remain close to the stage at all times in case l need you.
Oh, good heavens.
We're getting so tired of your bombastic manner.
Bombastic? Yes.
You pick on us at all the rehearsals.
Nothing we do is right.
Madam, you are on shaky ground already.
Don't throw your marginal musical manipulation in as well.
Well, you're only doing half The Mikado.
l've never seen such eccentric staging.
Eccentric? You tell him, Bernice.
l'm quitting and you're quitting with me, Agatha, aren't you? Well.
Well, Jonathan, you have perhaps been a touch too forceful with your criticisms.
Ridiculous.
''Ridiculous''! lf we're ridiculous, Agatha, we're not needed around here.
Agatha, l forbid you to go.
Nobody forbids me to do anything.
You'll come back.
Crawling.
Nobody quits the Sandwich lslands Savoyards.
They only leave when l fire them.
(Sir Cedric) Gentlemen, l think that will be all for today.
Thank you.
(man) Thank you, Sir Cedric.
We're most grateful.
[gun cocking.]
Thank you.
[groaning.]
[panting.]
(Higgins) lf it's a matter of billing l am afraid the programs have already been printed.
Oh, Jonathan, it's not the billing, or the money or a larger role.
Then what in blazes is it? l've never seen you like this.
lt's Bernice, isn't it? She's got you all fired up.
lt has nothing to do with Bernice.
lt's you, Jonathan.
l thought we were putting on a show, not some military campaign.
We should be having fun.
But you've been behaving like some.
l'm sorry, Jonathan, like some overbearing commanding officer.
Nonsense.
l was merely trying-- Yes, you have.
Like some overanxious nanny with her first charge.
You're quite right, of course.
l'm sorry to say that ever since Sir Cedric and l were in short pants long before he was Sir Cedric we have inspired in each other this unflattering competitive streak.
As a matter of fact, l had even secretly begun to wish that he wouldn't show up so that l might take his place.
l've always fancied l would make a far better Lord High Executioner than he.
Dare l hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive my churlish behavior and return with me to the estate for this afternoon's performance? (Magnum) When I was in Little League I got smashed in the head with a baseball bat.
The only difference between then and now was that Eric swung a lot harder than a 10-year-old.
I was dizzy, disoriented, and my legs felt as heavy as concrete pillars.
But the worst feeling, was knowing I had to face Sally and tell her her brother was dead.
That I'd been forced to kill him, was going to make even less sense to her.
But then, things weren't making a lot of sense to me, either.
Wait! (Higgins) She wouldn't listen.
l am doomed.
They're not coming back? Why today, of all days, has Agatha chosen to demonstrate her resolve? Weeks of backbreaking rehearsal.
All my personal prestige on the line, along with my reputation as an artist.
The entire British colony here today not to mention, a guest star of international renown.
And what befalls me? Ruin.
Humiliation.
Disaster.
(T.
C.
) Well, it could be worse.
l mean, just get two more girls.
That routine isn't that hard to learn.
That routine has at least intonations, and gestures.
Don't forget the dance steps.
lt's simply impossible.
Come on Higgins.
Listen, T.
C.
and l learned all that stuff.
Well, we did.
Listen, every time one of those girls was dummy she was up and around that room, dancing and singing.
Yeah.
At first l thought it was some kind of secret signal.
They were very dedicated to you, Jonathan.
You're the loyal one, Sylvia.
You didn't quit.
You stuck with me.
Well, l think you've been a terrible bully, too but l've worked and waited all my life to sing and dance in this show.
Higgins, look, you're not listening.
lt's a snap.
l'm telling you! T.
C.
, come on.
All right.
[laughing.]
(Rick) Here we go.
Feet together.
Legs together.
Five, six, seven, eight.
[in bad falsetto.]
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be * * Filled to the brim with girlish glee * * Three Little Maids from school ** My God.
l don't believe it.
Could you possibly do that one more time? Oh, you're not thinking of putting these two in the-- And this time, a little more coquettish with the eyes.
Oh, if you're doing what l think you're gonna do, l'll quit.
l'm warning you.
What is she going on about? Nothing.
lgnore her.
Concentrate.
Oh, you're doing it! And l quit! (Rick) Hey, Sylvia, wait a minute.
He's not serious.
We're only joking with you.
She'll be back.
She said herself she's been waiting all of her life for this.
Now, about your costumes.
Higgins, l got a very important engagement.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, hey, You can forget it.
No way the kid gonna look ridiculous.
Of course, not.
Yeah.
(Higgins) Certainly not.
However, it does occur to me that your half of that sordid gambling debt must be equal to the monthly payment for your helicopter.
And as for you, Rick, l'm sure the Board of Directors of the club would want to seriously reconsider the employment of a known gambler.
Now, of course, if both of you were to volunteer to be in the show l might possibly be able to use my influence with both the ladies and the Board of Directors.
The decision, naturally, is up to you.
You wouldn't.
Oh, yes, l would.
(Magnum) The more I walked, the more I put the pieces together.
How would Eric have known where to call Sally? And who had led me step by step to the clues that had lured me away from the estate and from the assassination plot? Sally.
The beauty with the innocent eyes and the heartbreak smile had set me up.
And even though Eric had failed, I realized he was only plan A.
If I didn't find a way to get home soon the Lord High Executioner was gonna be executed himself.
The other foot, Rick.
T.
C.
, l can't do it alone.
You got to be in the show.
l mean, think of Gilbert and Sullivan.
Think of the money.
l have.
l made a deal with Higgins to cover security for Magnum.
And that will take care of my part of the debt.
Goodbye.
That's just great.
Rick, you're not even dressed yet.
Higgins has already called half-hour.
Look, Sally.
l can't do it.
l can't remember the words l can't remember the motivation and l can't-- l can't look coquettish.
Yes, you can.
Sit down, and l'll help you finish your makeup.
Quickly, please.
l'm calling everyone into the study.
Sir Cedric is here.
Dumb.
lt is an honor to welcome to the Sandwich lslands Savoyards our very special guest star whose generosity in coming today to lend his support to our endeavor is legend.
Sir Cedric Brooke.
Thank you all very much.
lt's a pleasure to see the spirit of Gilbert and Sullivan flourish so far from home.
l'm sure today's performance will indeed be most memorable.
Thank you again.
All right, everybody.
Sally, we can't do this alone.
Now, who is going to play the third little maid? lf Sylvia doesn't come back, then we'll just do it without her.
The show must go on.
Higgins.
Higgins, this is your last chance to reconsider.
You got to cut the Three Little Maids number.
We can't just do it with the two of us.
(Agatha) You won't have to.
Agatha.
l'm afraid l wasn't able to convince Bernice and Sylvia.
But your apology was certainly good enough for me.
Thank you.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Get ready.
And remember: coquettish.
Coquettish.
And a big, bright.
light opera smile.
**[orchestra playing.]
[orchestra stops.]
(Magnum) The old guy who picked me up considered 30 miles an hour speeding and the ride cost me every cent I had.
But it was worth it if I was in time.
Otherwise Higgins' classic staging of the Three Little Maids would be one that no one would ever forget.
**[orchestra playing.]
* Three Little Maids from school are we * * Pert as a schoolgirl well can be * * Filled to the brim with girlish glee * * Three Little Maids from school * * Everything is a source of fun * * Nobody's safe for we care for none * * Life is a joke that's just begun * (all) * Three Little Maids from school * * Three Little Maids who all unwary * * Come from a ladies' seminary * * Freed from its genius tutelary * * Three Little Maids from school * Sir Cedric, get down! * Three Little Maids * [gun fires.]
* from school ** [people cheering.]
(man) Bravo! Bravo! [door closes.]
Higgins? (Higgins) Well, what have you got to say for yourself? And this had better be good.
No.
You.
You have got some explaining to do.
l almost got killed chasing down some lunatic who was after your friend.
lf you had been attending to security, as l asked you to do you would have uncovered the plot before it got to some ridiculous cliffside confrontation.
lf you had told me why Sir Cedric was here, l could have handled security.
l don't appreciate being left in the dark, Higgins.
How in blazes was l supposed to tell you something l didn't know myself? You should have suspected the truth when that girl approached you in the first place Wait a minute.
with that preposterous story about.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
Sir Cedric, your good friend who's been through several wars with you, did not tell you why he was here? No.
Doesn't that make you mad? Furious.
[laughing.]
What? lt's nothing.
Just.
l'm upset with Sally because she lied to me.
And you're upset with Sir Cedric because he lied to you.
And here we are, taking it out on each other.
[humphs.]
Yes.
l see what you mean.
(Rick) Higgins! [door closes.]
Hi, Thomas.
Hi, Rick.
Higgins, l've been giving next year's show.
Well, l've been giving it a lot of thought.
Next year's show? Mmm-hmm.
You know, l got to admit, at first just the thought of me doing some stupid musical, well it really wasn't something l wanted to do.
But then, after today's performance, well.
Well, here.
The Pirates of Penzance? Yeah, don't you see? The Pirate King.
l'm perfect! Come on, l'll show you.
l assure you, that's not necessary.
Higgins, please, just let me show you.
Take a second.
* l am the Pirate King * * lt is, it is, a glorious thing to be the Pirate King * Magnum, please don't go.
Higgins, just think.
[Magnum laughing .]
We got a whole year just to get my voice in shape.
* l am the Pirate King * * lt is, it is a glorious thing to be the Pirate King * * lt is, it is, it is **