Quantum Leap s04e17 Episode Script
Roberto! - January 27, 1982
Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr.
Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished.
He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better.
His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear.
And so, Dr.
Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
devil-worshipping motorcycle bums.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Hey, Roberto.
! What about the First Amendment? Yeah! "Congress shall make no act "respecting the establishment of religion and prohibiting the free exercise thereof.
" Hey, that doesn't include animal sacrifices, and you know it.
Tell him! Oh, come on.
You know what I'm talking about.
Tell him! Don't you push me now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop it.
Stop it.
Oh, boy.
Get off of me.
! The little weasel.
What a little weasel.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm just a little- I'm just a little dazed, that's all.
This guy- I'm gonna get him.
I'm gonna get him.
I'm gonna get him now.
Here.
Do your wrap-up.
Yeah? And we'll be out of here.
Wrap-up? Yeah.
They've had it.
They're messing with the wrong guy.
They're not gonna mess with our kids like this - Or me or you.
In five, Don't talk back to me.
four, three, I know what I'm talking about.
That's it.
No, I - No, no.
two- Get out ofhere.
* I'm gonna kill him.
! Uh- Uh- Tomorrow on, uh, Roberto, uh, uh, animals as, uh, friends We've got lawyers.
We're gonna sue.
Get me? and lovers, uh, Sunday school teachers for marijuana, Yeah.
! and, uh, uh, finally, Dr.
Laura Schlessinger on centerfolds- We'll be here for that one.
Yeah! Uh- Let go of me.
! Let go of me.
! "Liberated females or chauvinist slaves?" Put me down! Put me down! That's tomorrow on Robert0- Roberto.
- And we're clear.
- You squeezed my arm.
! All right, that does it.
! I'm calling- Hey, great show.
Thanks.
Sign this for me.
It's for my daughter.
Sure.
Thanks.
Hey, man, the switchboard's going crazy, and Earl wants to see you pronto.
Okay.
Hey, uh- It's that way.
Yeah, right.
I was just- just testing.
Uh, you sure you don't want a doctor? No, no, I'm- I'm fine.
I'm okay, really.
Thanks though.
Roberto? Here's some ice for your head.
Yeah, thanks.
Good show, everybody.
Let's wrap this up.
Leaping about in time, I've come to expect a few surprises, but it's a little hard to prepare for a head butt from a stranger.
I just hoped the rest of this leap would go a little smoother.
Hey, you okay? Huh? Great show.
Yeah.
I suppose you'll be asking for a raise now.
I'm sorry? Or at least hazardous duty pay.
Maybe it'll leave a scar and give you that rough, manly look which you so desperately desire.
Earl will probably ask you to get hit every show now- Maybe twice a day, once for 6:00 and once for 11:00.
Are-Are you talking about the news? News? Did I miss something? If I had better lungs, I wouldn't have to deal with you.
Go away.
You're boring me.
Oh, I think I like this leap already.
Al.
"I'll" what? I'll- I'll be leaving you alone now, okay? "Al be leaving you alone now.
" What happened? What'd you do to your head? I, uh- I, uh- What'd you do to your head? Sam? I got head butted by the führer.
Oh.
What do you mean, you got head butted by the führer? It's a long story.
What have you got? Well- All right.
It's 1982.
Your name is " Ruberto"- Roberto Gutierrez, and you're working for KDNM-TV in Destiny, New Mexico.
Oh, you must be a local sort of version of Geraldo.
Good.
Great.
Just great.
Uh, well, in the last six months, your ratings have been going up, but in the past, your smart mouth has always been a sort of "career-limiting asset.
" What are you telling me? I get fired a lot? Is that it? Yeah.
Bingo.
But now it's starting to pay off and you're gonna go up to the big time.
So all I have to do then is just - Is stay a smart mouth, be a wise guy, be a big, fat pain in the- I get it, okay? Yeah.
I'm not that kind of person though.
That's not my natural way.
It's okay.
You just read my lips, you'll be fine.
Now there's a man who can take a shot.
Oh.
How's the bean? Still in one piece? Okay.
Yeah.
Good, huh? Hey - Hey, maybe you could do it again tomorrow.
That'd be killer.
This is Earl Skipper.
He's the station manager and the news director.
We should capitalize on this thing- You know, play it for all it's worth.
Maybe we could even build a few shows around it, huh? I'll tell you what.
Why don't you lie down in the parking lot, and I'll accidentally back over you with my car? Probably, we can get a whole week out of that.
I like it.
Roberto would never let her get away with that.
Try this- "What's the matter? Did you fall off your broomstick this morning?'" What's the matter? Did you fall off your broomstick this morning? Kids, kids, kids, behave - or no dinner.
Now, let me see here.
This is Jani Eisenberg.
She's an investigative reporter.
She was a big hotshot in Chicago, but then she moved out here to New Mexico because of her health.
She's got asthma.
Now what have you got coming up that we can shove up against this head butt thing and really make it roll, huh? Uh, coming up? Yeah, as in " next.
" Jani, go to your room.
He wants to know if you got any ideas for upcoming shows.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, I got this idea - Tell him you got one about Elvis, or one about the supernatural - for an Elvis show One about sex.
That always sells.
about, uh - Ooh.
Oh, yeah.
women who claim to have slept with Elvis's ghost.
Oh! I love it.
Save it for sweeps.
And the Kennedys.
I've got a Kennedy story about, uh - Elizabeth Taylor robbing the cradle.
And the mob.
Oh, uh, this guy claims that he's J.
F.
K.
's evil twin, Oh! only he just escaped from the sanitarium where he's been his whole life.
Oh, I love it.
What else? Yeah, I'd like to see that one too.
Uh- - Women who try too hard? - Maybe you can get one of them to punch you.
I'm just kiddin'.
No, no.
We'll go with what's scheduled, and we'll do a follow-up next week.
It'll be great.
Let's hope the world can hold its breath that long.
Stay on her, Sam.
And what earthshaking story are you working on? Gas stations that promise full service but don't deliver.
Now there's a national emergency.
Get me the president! Fifty bucks says you couldn't do a serious and hard-hitting story if your life depended on it.
Double it.
A hundred says I can do any story you can.
- Fine.
- Fine.
Jani Eisenberg.
One moment.
Yoo-hoo.
Your story's on the phone.
The bet's $100, and I don't take checks.
I was headin'for Blue Rock, cuttin'past Whisperin'Pine Lakes when I saw them.
Uh, " them"? The aliens.
Oh, boy.
I couldn't see the mother ship, but I figured she was " hoovering" somewhere nearby.
What, uh, time would you say that this was, Mr.
Norton? It was about, uh, 20 minutes after I left Mac's Bar- uh, around 2:30.
Oh, brother.
I'm not kiddin'.
There were about a dozen of'em.
They were yellow, one big eye and big " blobby" arms and legs.
And what were they doing? Uh, they were just, uh, milling around.
I don't know.
I didn't stick around long enough to find out.
I wanna keep my organs.
Serious and hard-hitting, remember? I know I was drinkin', but I know what I saw.
All right.
Uh, thank you.
Sam? Sam.
It's unbelievable, but this is it.
What? This is home.
What? Well, see, 30 miles over that way- you can't see it from here- that's where we built Project Quantum Leap.
Of course, it won't be there for another seven years, but it is- I mean, if I push this, I go- That's where I go.
It's there now, but it's not there for another seven years.
So you're there on the other side- Uh- Come on, Roberto.
Let's see.
What should I buy with $ 100? Shoes? No.
Something more personal.
How about lingerie? I'll help.
Maybe a nice bottle of wine.
Yeah, a real expensive one.
Imported.
Perhaps a French Bordeaux.
You can afford that, can't you? Uh, I was just wondering if imported French wine goes with crow.
Get in the car.
Who eats crow? Oh, she's gonna eat crow.
That's a good one, Sam.
Yeah.
Wine goes with crow.
I'll catch up with you later.
We have continued support from our regular customers, and with the addition of these government contracts, we expect income to increase by over 15% next year.
Ooh.
Which is good news for everyone who owns stock with Saxton Fertilizer and Pesticides.
Yes, indeed.
And it's good for people here, because it means morejobs.
Mmm.
Something that's always welcome.
And now, let's take a look at the rest of the plant.
Cut.
Can I get you some water or something? Are you all right? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Oh, here.
I'll get that.
Everything's going.
You wanna get that for her? Here you go.
Thank you.
You don't want to lose this.
Not if I want to keep breathing.
What did you do to your hand? I, uh- Oh, we had a little fire last night, and Rick grabbed a hot fire extinguisher and put it out.
- I didn't hear anything about a fire.
- Like I said, a little fire.
Now if you'll follow me, I'll show you the rest of the plant.
Down this way.
Your company does employ a huge percentage of the community.
I'm wondering if you'll be doing any more hiring in the near future.
Well, we certainly plan to.
I'll be right with you.
What's the bad news? The- Well, I hope this leap is over quickly.
Her attitude is starting to rub off on you.
Al.
In two days Yeah? Jani drives her car off a cliff, and she dies.
What happened, Al? I mean, was she murdered? Was somebody charged, or what? No.
Nope.
Nope.
Suicide? Uh, no.
She had too much going for her, at least, from all we know.
Well, what did the police reports say? Uh, well, they said that she was tired from working late, and then apparently she must have fallen asleep for a moment at the wheel, and then- zoom.
Airborne.
Does Ziggy know what she was working on at the time? Well, let's see.
The last things that she did that were aired were a story on where to get summer vegetables in the wintertime, and another one about, uh, gas stations that don't deliver.
Serious and hard-hitting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, but now this is weird.
Hmm? Apparently, right after the accident, Roberto quit the show and he dropped out ofTV completely.
No, no, no.
I know what you're saying.
I don't think that Roberto killed Jani.
Besides, if he did, I won't, so I'll be out of here in no time.
Yeah, but it's still- It's a weird coincidence.
It's not a coincidence.
It's gotta be related somehow, but it's not like that.
Al? What? What are you lookin'at? Huh? Oh, nothin'.
I don't know.
Anyway, in the meantime, the best thing I can do is just stick tight.
And don't let her drive.
That goes without saying.
Yeah.
Roberto? Don't forget your 4:00 show.
Chauvinist slave or liberated woman? Joining us today we have noted psychologist Dr.
Laura Schlessinger, Dawn Bartlett, Charlene Lisles, and- Uh- Dawn and Charlene are juniors at the University of New Mexico.
All right.
! And they were recently paid $500 to pose for the Bohey Tool calendar.
Now, some people would call this exploitation.
No.
! Let's ask Dawn what she thinks.
I thought it was fun.
Fun? - Yeah.
- Go to the doc.
Ask the doc.
Okay.
Dr.
Schlessinger, uh, what do you have to say about this? Posing for these type of pictures, in my opinion, diminishes all women everywhere by perpetuating the stereotype that we are all long-legged bimbos.
But they have the right to make that idiotic choice if they want to.
Sam, back to Dawn.
Ask her about- Uh, so, tell me- Is it art, or are you really just a long-legged bimbo like Dr.
Schlessinger says? It's definitely art.
Sam, you could be falling into a trap here.
With these shows you don't want everyone to be nice to each other, because these shows thrive on controversy.
So, Dr.
Schlessinger - Everybody's gotta be rotten to each other.
It seems to me that Dawn and Charlene here are-are-are merely perpetuating the image that women have the freedom to make their own choices and are capable of making their own choices regarding their bodies.
Then why don't men do the same thing? Sometimes policemen and firemen calendars- Well, policemen and firemen- They've all made calendars.
Oh, but in general men don't, because that's not the image they want to project.
Well, sure it is.
Oh, it is? Uh-huh.
Well, why don't you try putting your muscles where your mouth is? Why don't you try doing the rest of your show in your boxer shorts? - Uh, boxer shorts? I- - Unless, of course, that's not the image you want to project.
Well- Hold this.
Stay tuned, everybody.
We'll be back after we go to this commercial with the new- and liberated- Roberto.
Don't go away.
Oh, killer show, man.
And you didn't even have to get punched, huh? * Yeah.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Oh, my God, Al.
I just single-handedly destroyed this guy's career.
Hey, Earl, phone call on line three.
Here you go, ace.
What are you talking about? You were a hit.
I've never been so humiliated in my life.
Listen to me now.
If I ever do anything like that again, okay, you've gotta promise to stop me, okay? If you see me doing something like that, You just say, " Sam, stop it.
Don't do that.
" At last, as I've always expected, you've gone over the edge.
I was just- Talking to thin air.
- And having a very interesting conversation.
- I'll bet.
- $100? - In your dreams.
- You know, I had a dream about her last night.
- Jani, line three.
Jani Eisenberg.
Uh-huh.
Oh, yes.
How many are missing? Okay, where were they last seen? Blue Rock and Whispering Pine Lake two nights ago? Did you see any lights in the sky? Did you see any strange people that night? Oh, you didn't know they were missing till dawn.
Uh, Mr.
Chee, we will get right on this.
Thank you.
Yes.
There is life after exile.
Fifty sheep are missing right- Right where Red Norton saw the aliens.
That's a pretty good little coincidence.
I'm gonna go back and see if Ziggy can find some more.
Do you smell that? After five years in East Nowhere, New Mexico, I thought I'd forgotten what it smells like, but I can smell it- a real story.
a little, uh, favor, if you can do it for me.
Your friends came to visit me this afternoon- Roberto Gutierrez speaking.
Mr.
Gutierrez, this is Rick Upfield at Saxton Fertilizer.
- Yeah, Rick.
How's the hand? - Uh, fine.
Uh, Mr.
Gutierrez, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a few minutes.
- Sure.
- No, n0- I mean, not now.
Could you meet me later? Uh, tonight, say around 9:00, at the Lost Dolphin? Well, uh - I really need to speak to you.
Okay.
Uh- All right, thanks.
I'll see you later.
You wanna go to the Lost Dolphin tonight? What happened? Hit and run.
Guy hit him as he went across the road to the bar.
Let's go.
Wait a minute.
Somebody murdered this guy.
I know that.
I'm not walking away from the best thing Shh, shh, shh.
that's happened to me since I left Chicago.
Besides, we gotta tell the police about the phone call.
Look.
It doesn't matter.
Now come on.
What- It must have been knocked free when he got- We definitely have to give this to the police.
Now, will you listen to me? If we give it to 'em, they will never get anywhere with it.
Believe me, I know.
Now we don't have time.
We gotta solve this ourselves.
What with the new government contracts, we expect to have an increase of income of over 15% next year.
Hey.
Why don't you go home? And let you win 100 bucks? Uh-uh.
Is that why you got on TV? For the money? No, hardly.
When I first started, I had very altruistic motives.
I wanted fame, glory and power.
Unfortunately, uh, somebody forgot to tell my asthma.
I had really big dreams.
The network, my own show- I was gonna crack the biggest stories that have ever been cracked.
But it's - It's kind of hard to compete with the big boys when you can't even live in their cities.
You got a big story now.
Which is at a complete dead end.
Well, what about you? Hmm? Why did you get into this business? Oh, I kind of just leaped into it by accident.
I sort of like it now.
I never really thought much about why, you know- I guess I kind of see myself as a champion of underdogs everywhere.
I like that.
We have continued support from our regular customers and, uh, what with the, uh, new government contracts, we expect to have an increase- Look.
What? Look.
He's not wearing it, and neither is- Neither is anybody else.
So either they just got them, or- This is for another section of the plant, something we didn't see.
Okay, so, first thing tomorrow morning - No, no, no, no.
Tonight.
We gotta go tonight.
Tonight.
All right, tonight.
Tonight.
Yeah, Hank is the foreman.
He's, uh, down there.
Wait a second.
Give me your earring.
Take the other one off.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Roberto Gutierrez.
Yeah - I've seen you a lot.
This is Jani Eisenberg.
Jani Eisenberg, sure.
I know you.
Hi there.
We were in here filming the other day, and Jani lost an earring.
Can you believe it? We were in the neighborhood and we thought, what the heck.
Yeah.
It looks like this.
You know, if you lost it in here, it's gone.
Well, you know, we just thought we'd just give it a shot.
Yeah.
Sure.
But-But-But you can't go wandering around here.
Oh, well, we won't be wandering.
No.
No, we know exactly where to look from when we got shown around by Mr.
Saxton.
He said it'd be okay.
Mr.
Saxton? Yeah, call him, if you like.
Nah.
Go ahead.
Good luck to you.
Thank you.
Okay, thanks.
Hey, Roberto.
Why don't you take the cart? It'll be faster.
Oh, thank you.
Great.
"Call him if you like"? Would you call the president of the company at 3:00 in the morning about an earring? - Not if I liked my job.
- Thanks.
What, exactly, are we looking for? Technically? Technically.
Uh- That's a good question.
I don't know.
I - I'm, uh, looking for something that might conceal a door or something.
You know? I mean- Oh.
If we find a - Well, that should be easy to find.
You got the key.
Don't put it in your pocket.
That's the key.
You look for a door that's got a slot next to it.
This is a key? Yeah.
That's a key? Just like the beginning of the Quantum Leap Project, remember? This credit card thing - You stick it in a slot, it opens a door.
Before we had those electronic implants.
Remember, Sam? It's kind of like a credit card thing.
You stick it in a door and, you know, you got a slot That's it.
and it opens.
Does it send you a bill at the end of the month? Yeah.
Uh, now, I'm gonna get Ziggy to run a spatial-comparison analysis of the exterior and the interior of this place, At least we got a key.
and if there's anything hidden in here, we're gonna find it.
A key.
Hmm.
You know, if we had those glasses you can get in the back of comic books, we could look through these walls with our X-ray vision.
I could never get mine to work.
That's because all the girls' dresses were specially treated.
Dead end.
Sam.
Jackpot.
Jackpot.
Let's try that room back there, huh? Yes, bwana.
Come on.
There it is.
There's the lock, right there.
Only, it's not one of these.
It's one of these.
You put it in and you slip it down like that.
Yeah.
Yo, hold up.
We got a couple of unauthorized visitors here.
We gotta find 'em.
Let's go.
Mr.
Saxton wants 'em picked up and picked up quick.
Let's move.
- They what I think they are? - Aliens- Aliens that collect sheep.
Dead sheep.
They're doing germ warfare here, right under our noses.
Yeah, it could be chemical warfare.
Or chemical warfare.
Red Norton didn't see aliens the other night.
He saw men in protective suits picking up dead sheep - Harry Chee's sheep.
And they killed them.
They had a serious accident here.
Whatever they were working on, some of it must've gotten out.
They killed Rick to cover it up.
This place is a perfect cover for a lab.
You know that a lot of the substances used to make pharmaceuticals and fertilizers and pesticides can be made into chemical weapons.
Oh, that's like that pharmaceutical place in 1988 in Libya.
Everybody knew it was mustard gas.
Yeah, or what about that sheep kill in Utah in 1968? Yeah, let's not forget that one.
Uh- Uh- Uh- The army was involved with it.
They found out later on that they, like, used nerve gas, right? Forty-five miles away from it, and-and that they were involved.
Now, they never admitted any wrongdoing, but they ended up paying hundreds of thousands of dollars- They had to pay the ranchers off.
Yeah, to the ranchers.
Good old sneaky Uncle Sam.
Yeah.
Ooh! What? Good old sneaky Uncle Sam.
That's what I couldn't put my finger on before.
It's the eyes.
It's the haircut, the bearing- A lot of the guys in this place are "militaryitis.
" Uh-oh.
And someone is following us.
Found it.
Found 'em.
I'm sure Mr.
Saxton will be very pleased.
Yeah, he's gonna be happy to pick out his own cell too.
Yeah, well, listen.
Thanks a million, okay? Uh, tell Mr.
Saxton hello when you see him.
That's okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.
They were a gift, you see, and I just really wanted to find 'em.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
You're army, aren't you? Sam,you're up against some serious juice here.
I'm gonna go jump-start Ziggy.
Do you feel like taking on the government? I got nothin' better to do this week.
Oh, Earl's gonna love this.
Ah! No, no, no, no.
Nerve gas, secret government labs- Give me a break.
Earl, we're not kidding.
We saw it.
Look,just give us a camera, okay? We'll go down there, and we can prove it.
I've known Ed Saxton for 10 years.
His company's done a lot for this town.
I just don't believe it.
When he was here the other day, he asked you to not report on the fire, didn't he? Earl, they killed Rick, and the next time they have a leak, it might not be sheep they kill, but people.
Jani Eisenberg and Roberto Gutierrez for Good Morning, Destiny, live at the Saxton Fertilizer and Pesticide plant.
Three nights ago, over 50 sheep were killed by- Excuse me.
Can I help you? Sam, there is something here, but we don't have the details yet.
Mr.
Saxton, it is true, is it not, that you are conducting secret nerve gas and chemical warfare research in a hidden lab here at the plant? No, it is not true.
I wish it were.
I understand the government pays very well for that stuff.
Then how do you explain this electronic key pass that opens a secret door inside this room? A door which is in the back of this innocent-looking storage room.
Sam? Look.
They changed the lock on the damn thing.
I know it's the same door, but they changed the- I'm a dead man.
Does that look like a secret lab to you? Uh, no.
What it looks like is that they've constructed a fake wall, which conceals the tunnel which leads to the secret lab.
Oh, really? Doesn't sound fake to me.
Pull the plug.
Pull the plug! Pull the plug.
Sam, you stall.
I'm gonna check on this wall.
Okay, now, I know that this doesn't sound like a fake wall, Sam, it's still here! They've got this elaborate fake wall.
but, uh, if you, uh- There's six feet of dirt back here, but then you're in.
If you could walk through this wall, you would see Yeah.
the tunnel on the other side.
And, well- Save it, Ernesto.
Earl pulled the plug.
No.
All we have to do is dig through the tunnel and we'll find- It's too late.
- I think you owe me an apology.
- Oh, you do, do you? Oh, yes.
Well, I'm sorry, but- But what? I'd be happy to make it up to you.
What? Look.
You were right and I was wrong, and since I started this whole thing, I think it would only be fair if I were to invite you onto my show- tomorrow, if you're free- and I would apologize publicly.
No, that won't be necessary.
No, no, no, but it is necessary.
And besides, it would be good publicity for you guys and-and-and great ratings for me.
In fact, we could call it, uh, "What happens when reporters are wrong.
" Roberto, have you gone crazy? We saw the room, and this was the key that opened the door.
That's our new I.
D.
badges.
We just started using them.
And I believe that belongs to me.
No, actually, it belongs to the police.
We, uh, found this where Rick was killed, and since- That's evidence in an ongoing investigation.
It's evidence in an ongoing investigation, and I think we'll just turn it in to them.
Good idea.
In fact, I'd like to offer a reward for any information leading to the arrest of the driver that killed Rick.
Well, that's very nice.
You could do it on my show.
Well, I'll have to think about that.
Why don't you call me in the morning? Oh, and, uh, please, close the door after you.
You're letting him get away? I'm just trying to buy us a little time, and I would appreciate some cooperation.
Why do I suddenly feel like I'm a step behind you? I never used to feel that way.
Well, I don't know.
I- Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it? That's what you get working with a genius.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh? Is this your " Uh-oh, things are getting worse," or is this your " Uh-oh, now I've changed history, and things are really gonna get horrible"? Which " Uh-oh" is this? This is the " Uh-oh" that she doesn't die anymore from driving the car off a cliff.
She dies from an acute asthma attack tomorrow morning, uh-oh.
Well, thatjust about wraps up our show today on friends of fruits and veggies, so join us tomorrow here on Roberto.
Till then, have a nice day.
And we are out.
Funny show, Sam.
Ha, ha, ha.
Okay, it isn't funny.
I realize it isn't funny.
Look.
I wanna nail these guys just as bad as you do, but Ziggy says that it- It's never gonna happen, because in the first place, you're gonna have to have an iron-clad search warrant- I am going to lunch.
Iron-clad search warrant before you can get into that joint again, and without any corroborating evidence, you're never gonna get the search warrant.
So this investigation is going nowhere.
Maybe not.
You're trying to get into a payroll company? Yeah.
we gotta solve this ourselves, remember? Besides, they do work for Saxton.
Yeah, but they're not gonna lead you to anything.
How do you know? Because top-secret projects have their own secure computer networks.
Oh, that's right.
You used to work for a couple of those.
Yeah, I remember now from your résumé.
Then you won't mind giving me a shot.
Scoot over.
All right, the search for corroborative evidence begins.
Hey, I thought you couldn't type.
It's been a while.
Sam, Ziggy has tried every conceivable - Feed me, Ziggy.
What? All right.
Prime 37, enter.
Uh, V-F 262222, doc.
Five, niner, drive, drive, drive, enter.
"G," enter.
" T," back slash.
Second password, " betlegeuse.
" I'm gonna go get some coffee.
"Toaster," enter.
You want some? Space.
3.
1.
4.
1.
, enter.
Try not to miss me.
Uh, tilde.
Zero, enter.
Uh, star code, enter.
Uh, Delaware, 77, back slash, 7.
Come on, come on, come on.
Give it up, Roberto.
You've already done it We'll do it again tomorrow.
We don't have until tomorrow.
You know, you have a delightful personality.
Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm just- I'm tired and frustrated and- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Sam, you're in.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Whoa, whoa.
It's moving too fast.
Stop it.
Mr.
Saxton? We have a hacker on the computer line.
Do we know who they are? It's coming from the TV station.
We're zeroing in now.
Damn! It's that girl, Eisenberg, and Roberto what's-his-name.
They'll have to be taken care of.
Consider it done.
Uh, Hank? Just the girl.
If they both have accidents, even the dimwitted cops in this town will get suspicious, and he's just a two-bit blowhard in over his head.
After she's gone, a few words and a few dollars, and he'll slink away out of sight forever.
The girl is the real danger.
You can't bargain with that type.
Now, for her, you're gonna have to do something that's particularly clever.
Hmm.
"Hydrochloric thiodiglycol.
Methylphosphonoflouridate.
Methyl isocyanate.
" Variations of Methyl isocyanate.
Methyl isocyanate? Methyl isocyanate.
Oh, God.
If I'd stayed in Chicago, at least I'd have a shot at an Emmy.
God.
How do you feel? Fine.
Can't you tell? Methyl isocyanate is used to make pesticides.
If you inhale it, it immediately constricts your nasal and bronchial passages as well as your larynx.
It's like having a severe asthma attack instantly.
There's no treatment.
There's no antidote.
Too much and it's fatal, and they're working on a derivative that's 10 times worse than that.
Go turn on the printer.
Oh.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Ball game.
They know? They know? Yeah.
What do we do now? Well, we try again.
It's the only way to force Saxton's hand.
You force his hand, he's gonna try and kill you.
Look,Jani, if we keep doing this, they may try to kill us too.
Let 'em try.
Sam, I'm going back to check with Ziggy.
Mr.
Saxton, it's Roberto on line three.
Put him through.
Hello.
She's dead.
Dead? Who? You know damn well who.
Jani Eisenberg.
Terrible.
That's- That's tragic.
How did it happen? A severe asthma attack, as if you didn't know.
I- I didn't know people could die- How'd you do it? "Do it"? How'd you kill her? How'd you do it? Is that gonna be the theme of your show today? You're damn right it is.
If you go on the air with that charge, I'll sue you- the station and everybody connected with that show.
And I'll win, because there's no way in hell you can prove I induced an asthma attack, and you know it.
You're probably right.
Well.
That's the first reasonable thing you've said this morning.
Now, I- I'd like to, uh, set up a scholarship fund in Miss Eisenberg's memory.
I'll have a check cut this morning for, say, $50,000- uh, in your name as trustee.
I'll accept on one condition.
I'm listening.
You agree to do my show.
- No.
- Not even if I apologize? Not even if I admit that I was wrong about you and your plant? Why would you do that? To make that scholarship $100,000.
I- I knew I had you figured.
Yeah, I guess you were right.
Welcome today to our special edition of Robert0- "What happens when reporters are wrong?" This show should be particularly interesting, because I'm the reporter.
But before we begin, I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to my colleague Jani Eisenberg, who passed away suddenly this morning from a severe asthma attack.
Oh, no.
Jani was a wonderful person and a great reporter, and we will all miss her dearly.
And now, if you'll join me in welcoming Mr.
Ed Saxton, president of Saxton Fertilizers and Pesticides.
Just yesterday morning, I accused Mr.
Saxton on live TV of running a secret chemical warfare lab at his plant, and I would like to apologize for that.
Don't mention it.
In fact, I said that you'd had a leak earlier in the week from that same lab, which had resulted in the death of several sheep.
But you were wrong.
I had no proof.
All I had was a blank wall, and my word against yours.
That's right.
In fact, even if I had wanted to obtain a search warrant to see what was behind that wall, I would have needed more than the testimony of reliable witnesses such as myself orJani Eisenberg.
I would have needed some corroborating evidence- something, say, like this.
Now, Mr.
Saxton, hypothetically, let's just say that you did have a secret chemical warfare lab at your plant.
Wouldn't it be easy for you to put some secret chemical in this? And then slip it to someone who was using this as an inhaler for their asthma- someone who was trying to expose your secrets, someone likeJani Eisenberg.
That doesn't prove anything.
She's dead.
Is that her? Just think- If there were some secret chemical in here, one squirt, and, uh, a person could die.
You idiot! All right,just take it easy.
Take it easy.
There's nothing in this one.
I bought this at the store this morning.
But you deserved it, you weasel.
But the one you did poison- the one you planted on Jani Eisenberg last night- that one is in the hands of the Destiny County Sheriff's Department.
Yesterday I needed proof.
Today I just got it.
It is my extreme pleasure to hand you this search warrant.
This is outrageous.
I won't stay here another minute.
Get him.
! Sam, that does it.
Saxton is indicted and convicted for murder and attempted murder, so get ready to leap.
Hell of a show, Roberto.
Hell of a show.
Now do the wrap-up.
The wr-The wrap-up.
Okay.
Okay, folks, tomorrow on Roberto, we've got a man who says he's lost a thousand pounds of fat.
We've got a woman who claims that she hears old radio stations through her teeth.
And finally, a personal story about the time I was kidnapped by aliens and held in an all-white room.
That's tomorrow on Roberto.
And we are O-U-T, out! All right.
Great show, buddy.
Great show.
Thanks.
I owe you 100 bucks.
Nah.
Tell you what.
- Why don't I just buy you a nice bottle of champagne? - Nah.
Oh, boy.
Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished.
He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better.
His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear.
And so, Dr.
Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
devil-worshipping motorcycle bums.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Hey, Roberto.
! What about the First Amendment? Yeah! "Congress shall make no act "respecting the establishment of religion and prohibiting the free exercise thereof.
" Hey, that doesn't include animal sacrifices, and you know it.
Tell him! Oh, come on.
You know what I'm talking about.
Tell him! Don't you push me now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop it.
Stop it.
Oh, boy.
Get off of me.
! The little weasel.
What a little weasel.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm just a little- I'm just a little dazed, that's all.
This guy- I'm gonna get him.
I'm gonna get him.
I'm gonna get him now.
Here.
Do your wrap-up.
Yeah? And we'll be out of here.
Wrap-up? Yeah.
They've had it.
They're messing with the wrong guy.
They're not gonna mess with our kids like this - Or me or you.
In five, Don't talk back to me.
four, three, I know what I'm talking about.
That's it.
No, I - No, no.
two- Get out ofhere.
* I'm gonna kill him.
! Uh- Uh- Tomorrow on, uh, Roberto, uh, uh, animals as, uh, friends We've got lawyers.
We're gonna sue.
Get me? and lovers, uh, Sunday school teachers for marijuana, Yeah.
! and, uh, uh, finally, Dr.
Laura Schlessinger on centerfolds- We'll be here for that one.
Yeah! Uh- Let go of me.
! Let go of me.
! "Liberated females or chauvinist slaves?" Put me down! Put me down! That's tomorrow on Robert0- Roberto.
- And we're clear.
- You squeezed my arm.
! All right, that does it.
! I'm calling- Hey, great show.
Thanks.
Sign this for me.
It's for my daughter.
Sure.
Thanks.
Hey, man, the switchboard's going crazy, and Earl wants to see you pronto.
Okay.
Hey, uh- It's that way.
Yeah, right.
I was just- just testing.
Uh, you sure you don't want a doctor? No, no, I'm- I'm fine.
I'm okay, really.
Thanks though.
Roberto? Here's some ice for your head.
Yeah, thanks.
Good show, everybody.
Let's wrap this up.
Leaping about in time, I've come to expect a few surprises, but it's a little hard to prepare for a head butt from a stranger.
I just hoped the rest of this leap would go a little smoother.
Hey, you okay? Huh? Great show.
Yeah.
I suppose you'll be asking for a raise now.
I'm sorry? Or at least hazardous duty pay.
Maybe it'll leave a scar and give you that rough, manly look which you so desperately desire.
Earl will probably ask you to get hit every show now- Maybe twice a day, once for 6:00 and once for 11:00.
Are-Are you talking about the news? News? Did I miss something? If I had better lungs, I wouldn't have to deal with you.
Go away.
You're boring me.
Oh, I think I like this leap already.
Al.
"I'll" what? I'll- I'll be leaving you alone now, okay? "Al be leaving you alone now.
" What happened? What'd you do to your head? I, uh- I, uh- What'd you do to your head? Sam? I got head butted by the führer.
Oh.
What do you mean, you got head butted by the führer? It's a long story.
What have you got? Well- All right.
It's 1982.
Your name is " Ruberto"- Roberto Gutierrez, and you're working for KDNM-TV in Destiny, New Mexico.
Oh, you must be a local sort of version of Geraldo.
Good.
Great.
Just great.
Uh, well, in the last six months, your ratings have been going up, but in the past, your smart mouth has always been a sort of "career-limiting asset.
" What are you telling me? I get fired a lot? Is that it? Yeah.
Bingo.
But now it's starting to pay off and you're gonna go up to the big time.
So all I have to do then is just - Is stay a smart mouth, be a wise guy, be a big, fat pain in the- I get it, okay? Yeah.
I'm not that kind of person though.
That's not my natural way.
It's okay.
You just read my lips, you'll be fine.
Now there's a man who can take a shot.
Oh.
How's the bean? Still in one piece? Okay.
Yeah.
Good, huh? Hey - Hey, maybe you could do it again tomorrow.
That'd be killer.
This is Earl Skipper.
He's the station manager and the news director.
We should capitalize on this thing- You know, play it for all it's worth.
Maybe we could even build a few shows around it, huh? I'll tell you what.
Why don't you lie down in the parking lot, and I'll accidentally back over you with my car? Probably, we can get a whole week out of that.
I like it.
Roberto would never let her get away with that.
Try this- "What's the matter? Did you fall off your broomstick this morning?'" What's the matter? Did you fall off your broomstick this morning? Kids, kids, kids, behave - or no dinner.
Now, let me see here.
This is Jani Eisenberg.
She's an investigative reporter.
She was a big hotshot in Chicago, but then she moved out here to New Mexico because of her health.
She's got asthma.
Now what have you got coming up that we can shove up against this head butt thing and really make it roll, huh? Uh, coming up? Yeah, as in " next.
" Jani, go to your room.
He wants to know if you got any ideas for upcoming shows.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, I got this idea - Tell him you got one about Elvis, or one about the supernatural - for an Elvis show One about sex.
That always sells.
about, uh - Ooh.
Oh, yeah.
women who claim to have slept with Elvis's ghost.
Oh! I love it.
Save it for sweeps.
And the Kennedys.
I've got a Kennedy story about, uh - Elizabeth Taylor robbing the cradle.
And the mob.
Oh, uh, this guy claims that he's J.
F.
K.
's evil twin, Oh! only he just escaped from the sanitarium where he's been his whole life.
Oh, I love it.
What else? Yeah, I'd like to see that one too.
Uh- - Women who try too hard? - Maybe you can get one of them to punch you.
I'm just kiddin'.
No, no.
We'll go with what's scheduled, and we'll do a follow-up next week.
It'll be great.
Let's hope the world can hold its breath that long.
Stay on her, Sam.
And what earthshaking story are you working on? Gas stations that promise full service but don't deliver.
Now there's a national emergency.
Get me the president! Fifty bucks says you couldn't do a serious and hard-hitting story if your life depended on it.
Double it.
A hundred says I can do any story you can.
- Fine.
- Fine.
Jani Eisenberg.
One moment.
Yoo-hoo.
Your story's on the phone.
The bet's $100, and I don't take checks.
I was headin'for Blue Rock, cuttin'past Whisperin'Pine Lakes when I saw them.
Uh, " them"? The aliens.
Oh, boy.
I couldn't see the mother ship, but I figured she was " hoovering" somewhere nearby.
What, uh, time would you say that this was, Mr.
Norton? It was about, uh, 20 minutes after I left Mac's Bar- uh, around 2:30.
Oh, brother.
I'm not kiddin'.
There were about a dozen of'em.
They were yellow, one big eye and big " blobby" arms and legs.
And what were they doing? Uh, they were just, uh, milling around.
I don't know.
I didn't stick around long enough to find out.
I wanna keep my organs.
Serious and hard-hitting, remember? I know I was drinkin', but I know what I saw.
All right.
Uh, thank you.
Sam? Sam.
It's unbelievable, but this is it.
What? This is home.
What? Well, see, 30 miles over that way- you can't see it from here- that's where we built Project Quantum Leap.
Of course, it won't be there for another seven years, but it is- I mean, if I push this, I go- That's where I go.
It's there now, but it's not there for another seven years.
So you're there on the other side- Uh- Come on, Roberto.
Let's see.
What should I buy with $ 100? Shoes? No.
Something more personal.
How about lingerie? I'll help.
Maybe a nice bottle of wine.
Yeah, a real expensive one.
Imported.
Perhaps a French Bordeaux.
You can afford that, can't you? Uh, I was just wondering if imported French wine goes with crow.
Get in the car.
Who eats crow? Oh, she's gonna eat crow.
That's a good one, Sam.
Yeah.
Wine goes with crow.
I'll catch up with you later.
We have continued support from our regular customers, and with the addition of these government contracts, we expect income to increase by over 15% next year.
Ooh.
Which is good news for everyone who owns stock with Saxton Fertilizer and Pesticides.
Yes, indeed.
And it's good for people here, because it means morejobs.
Mmm.
Something that's always welcome.
And now, let's take a look at the rest of the plant.
Cut.
Can I get you some water or something? Are you all right? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Oh, here.
I'll get that.
Everything's going.
You wanna get that for her? Here you go.
Thank you.
You don't want to lose this.
Not if I want to keep breathing.
What did you do to your hand? I, uh- Oh, we had a little fire last night, and Rick grabbed a hot fire extinguisher and put it out.
- I didn't hear anything about a fire.
- Like I said, a little fire.
Now if you'll follow me, I'll show you the rest of the plant.
Down this way.
Your company does employ a huge percentage of the community.
I'm wondering if you'll be doing any more hiring in the near future.
Well, we certainly plan to.
I'll be right with you.
What's the bad news? The- Well, I hope this leap is over quickly.
Her attitude is starting to rub off on you.
Al.
In two days Yeah? Jani drives her car off a cliff, and she dies.
What happened, Al? I mean, was she murdered? Was somebody charged, or what? No.
Nope.
Nope.
Suicide? Uh, no.
She had too much going for her, at least, from all we know.
Well, what did the police reports say? Uh, well, they said that she was tired from working late, and then apparently she must have fallen asleep for a moment at the wheel, and then- zoom.
Airborne.
Does Ziggy know what she was working on at the time? Well, let's see.
The last things that she did that were aired were a story on where to get summer vegetables in the wintertime, and another one about, uh, gas stations that don't deliver.
Serious and hard-hitting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, but now this is weird.
Hmm? Apparently, right after the accident, Roberto quit the show and he dropped out ofTV completely.
No, no, no.
I know what you're saying.
I don't think that Roberto killed Jani.
Besides, if he did, I won't, so I'll be out of here in no time.
Yeah, but it's still- It's a weird coincidence.
It's not a coincidence.
It's gotta be related somehow, but it's not like that.
Al? What? What are you lookin'at? Huh? Oh, nothin'.
I don't know.
Anyway, in the meantime, the best thing I can do is just stick tight.
And don't let her drive.
That goes without saying.
Yeah.
Roberto? Don't forget your 4:00 show.
Chauvinist slave or liberated woman? Joining us today we have noted psychologist Dr.
Laura Schlessinger, Dawn Bartlett, Charlene Lisles, and- Uh- Dawn and Charlene are juniors at the University of New Mexico.
All right.
! And they were recently paid $500 to pose for the Bohey Tool calendar.
Now, some people would call this exploitation.
No.
! Let's ask Dawn what she thinks.
I thought it was fun.
Fun? - Yeah.
- Go to the doc.
Ask the doc.
Okay.
Dr.
Schlessinger, uh, what do you have to say about this? Posing for these type of pictures, in my opinion, diminishes all women everywhere by perpetuating the stereotype that we are all long-legged bimbos.
But they have the right to make that idiotic choice if they want to.
Sam, back to Dawn.
Ask her about- Uh, so, tell me- Is it art, or are you really just a long-legged bimbo like Dr.
Schlessinger says? It's definitely art.
Sam, you could be falling into a trap here.
With these shows you don't want everyone to be nice to each other, because these shows thrive on controversy.
So, Dr.
Schlessinger - Everybody's gotta be rotten to each other.
It seems to me that Dawn and Charlene here are-are-are merely perpetuating the image that women have the freedom to make their own choices and are capable of making their own choices regarding their bodies.
Then why don't men do the same thing? Sometimes policemen and firemen calendars- Well, policemen and firemen- They've all made calendars.
Oh, but in general men don't, because that's not the image they want to project.
Well, sure it is.
Oh, it is? Uh-huh.
Well, why don't you try putting your muscles where your mouth is? Why don't you try doing the rest of your show in your boxer shorts? - Uh, boxer shorts? I- - Unless, of course, that's not the image you want to project.
Well- Hold this.
Stay tuned, everybody.
We'll be back after we go to this commercial with the new- and liberated- Roberto.
Don't go away.
Oh, killer show, man.
And you didn't even have to get punched, huh? * Yeah.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Oh, my God, Al.
I just single-handedly destroyed this guy's career.
Hey, Earl, phone call on line three.
Here you go, ace.
What are you talking about? You were a hit.
I've never been so humiliated in my life.
Listen to me now.
If I ever do anything like that again, okay, you've gotta promise to stop me, okay? If you see me doing something like that, You just say, " Sam, stop it.
Don't do that.
" At last, as I've always expected, you've gone over the edge.
I was just- Talking to thin air.
- And having a very interesting conversation.
- I'll bet.
- $100? - In your dreams.
- You know, I had a dream about her last night.
- Jani, line three.
Jani Eisenberg.
Uh-huh.
Oh, yes.
How many are missing? Okay, where were they last seen? Blue Rock and Whispering Pine Lake two nights ago? Did you see any lights in the sky? Did you see any strange people that night? Oh, you didn't know they were missing till dawn.
Uh, Mr.
Chee, we will get right on this.
Thank you.
Yes.
There is life after exile.
Fifty sheep are missing right- Right where Red Norton saw the aliens.
That's a pretty good little coincidence.
I'm gonna go back and see if Ziggy can find some more.
Do you smell that? After five years in East Nowhere, New Mexico, I thought I'd forgotten what it smells like, but I can smell it- a real story.
a little, uh, favor, if you can do it for me.
Your friends came to visit me this afternoon- Roberto Gutierrez speaking.
Mr.
Gutierrez, this is Rick Upfield at Saxton Fertilizer.
- Yeah, Rick.
How's the hand? - Uh, fine.
Uh, Mr.
Gutierrez, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a few minutes.
- Sure.
- No, n0- I mean, not now.
Could you meet me later? Uh, tonight, say around 9:00, at the Lost Dolphin? Well, uh - I really need to speak to you.
Okay.
Uh- All right, thanks.
I'll see you later.
You wanna go to the Lost Dolphin tonight? What happened? Hit and run.
Guy hit him as he went across the road to the bar.
Let's go.
Wait a minute.
Somebody murdered this guy.
I know that.
I'm not walking away from the best thing Shh, shh, shh.
that's happened to me since I left Chicago.
Besides, we gotta tell the police about the phone call.
Look.
It doesn't matter.
Now come on.
What- It must have been knocked free when he got- We definitely have to give this to the police.
Now, will you listen to me? If we give it to 'em, they will never get anywhere with it.
Believe me, I know.
Now we don't have time.
We gotta solve this ourselves.
What with the new government contracts, we expect to have an increase of income of over 15% next year.
Hey.
Why don't you go home? And let you win 100 bucks? Uh-uh.
Is that why you got on TV? For the money? No, hardly.
When I first started, I had very altruistic motives.
I wanted fame, glory and power.
Unfortunately, uh, somebody forgot to tell my asthma.
I had really big dreams.
The network, my own show- I was gonna crack the biggest stories that have ever been cracked.
But it's - It's kind of hard to compete with the big boys when you can't even live in their cities.
You got a big story now.
Which is at a complete dead end.
Well, what about you? Hmm? Why did you get into this business? Oh, I kind of just leaped into it by accident.
I sort of like it now.
I never really thought much about why, you know- I guess I kind of see myself as a champion of underdogs everywhere.
I like that.
We have continued support from our regular customers and, uh, what with the, uh, new government contracts, we expect to have an increase- Look.
What? Look.
He's not wearing it, and neither is- Neither is anybody else.
So either they just got them, or- This is for another section of the plant, something we didn't see.
Okay, so, first thing tomorrow morning - No, no, no, no.
Tonight.
We gotta go tonight.
Tonight.
All right, tonight.
Tonight.
Yeah, Hank is the foreman.
He's, uh, down there.
Wait a second.
Give me your earring.
Take the other one off.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Roberto Gutierrez.
Yeah - I've seen you a lot.
This is Jani Eisenberg.
Jani Eisenberg, sure.
I know you.
Hi there.
We were in here filming the other day, and Jani lost an earring.
Can you believe it? We were in the neighborhood and we thought, what the heck.
Yeah.
It looks like this.
You know, if you lost it in here, it's gone.
Well, you know, we just thought we'd just give it a shot.
Yeah.
Sure.
But-But-But you can't go wandering around here.
Oh, well, we won't be wandering.
No.
No, we know exactly where to look from when we got shown around by Mr.
Saxton.
He said it'd be okay.
Mr.
Saxton? Yeah, call him, if you like.
Nah.
Go ahead.
Good luck to you.
Thank you.
Okay, thanks.
Hey, Roberto.
Why don't you take the cart? It'll be faster.
Oh, thank you.
Great.
"Call him if you like"? Would you call the president of the company at 3:00 in the morning about an earring? - Not if I liked my job.
- Thanks.
What, exactly, are we looking for? Technically? Technically.
Uh- That's a good question.
I don't know.
I - I'm, uh, looking for something that might conceal a door or something.
You know? I mean- Oh.
If we find a - Well, that should be easy to find.
You got the key.
Don't put it in your pocket.
That's the key.
You look for a door that's got a slot next to it.
This is a key? Yeah.
That's a key? Just like the beginning of the Quantum Leap Project, remember? This credit card thing - You stick it in a slot, it opens a door.
Before we had those electronic implants.
Remember, Sam? It's kind of like a credit card thing.
You stick it in a door and, you know, you got a slot That's it.
and it opens.
Does it send you a bill at the end of the month? Yeah.
Uh, now, I'm gonna get Ziggy to run a spatial-comparison analysis of the exterior and the interior of this place, At least we got a key.
and if there's anything hidden in here, we're gonna find it.
A key.
Hmm.
You know, if we had those glasses you can get in the back of comic books, we could look through these walls with our X-ray vision.
I could never get mine to work.
That's because all the girls' dresses were specially treated.
Dead end.
Sam.
Jackpot.
Jackpot.
Let's try that room back there, huh? Yes, bwana.
Come on.
There it is.
There's the lock, right there.
Only, it's not one of these.
It's one of these.
You put it in and you slip it down like that.
Yeah.
Yo, hold up.
We got a couple of unauthorized visitors here.
We gotta find 'em.
Let's go.
Mr.
Saxton wants 'em picked up and picked up quick.
Let's move.
- They what I think they are? - Aliens- Aliens that collect sheep.
Dead sheep.
They're doing germ warfare here, right under our noses.
Yeah, it could be chemical warfare.
Or chemical warfare.
Red Norton didn't see aliens the other night.
He saw men in protective suits picking up dead sheep - Harry Chee's sheep.
And they killed them.
They had a serious accident here.
Whatever they were working on, some of it must've gotten out.
They killed Rick to cover it up.
This place is a perfect cover for a lab.
You know that a lot of the substances used to make pharmaceuticals and fertilizers and pesticides can be made into chemical weapons.
Oh, that's like that pharmaceutical place in 1988 in Libya.
Everybody knew it was mustard gas.
Yeah, or what about that sheep kill in Utah in 1968? Yeah, let's not forget that one.
Uh- Uh- Uh- The army was involved with it.
They found out later on that they, like, used nerve gas, right? Forty-five miles away from it, and-and that they were involved.
Now, they never admitted any wrongdoing, but they ended up paying hundreds of thousands of dollars- They had to pay the ranchers off.
Yeah, to the ranchers.
Good old sneaky Uncle Sam.
Yeah.
Ooh! What? Good old sneaky Uncle Sam.
That's what I couldn't put my finger on before.
It's the eyes.
It's the haircut, the bearing- A lot of the guys in this place are "militaryitis.
" Uh-oh.
And someone is following us.
Found it.
Found 'em.
I'm sure Mr.
Saxton will be very pleased.
Yeah, he's gonna be happy to pick out his own cell too.
Yeah, well, listen.
Thanks a million, okay? Uh, tell Mr.
Saxton hello when you see him.
That's okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.
They were a gift, you see, and I just really wanted to find 'em.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
You're army, aren't you? Sam,you're up against some serious juice here.
I'm gonna go jump-start Ziggy.
Do you feel like taking on the government? I got nothin' better to do this week.
Oh, Earl's gonna love this.
Ah! No, no, no, no.
Nerve gas, secret government labs- Give me a break.
Earl, we're not kidding.
We saw it.
Look,just give us a camera, okay? We'll go down there, and we can prove it.
I've known Ed Saxton for 10 years.
His company's done a lot for this town.
I just don't believe it.
When he was here the other day, he asked you to not report on the fire, didn't he? Earl, they killed Rick, and the next time they have a leak, it might not be sheep they kill, but people.
Jani Eisenberg and Roberto Gutierrez for Good Morning, Destiny, live at the Saxton Fertilizer and Pesticide plant.
Three nights ago, over 50 sheep were killed by- Excuse me.
Can I help you? Sam, there is something here, but we don't have the details yet.
Mr.
Saxton, it is true, is it not, that you are conducting secret nerve gas and chemical warfare research in a hidden lab here at the plant? No, it is not true.
I wish it were.
I understand the government pays very well for that stuff.
Then how do you explain this electronic key pass that opens a secret door inside this room? A door which is in the back of this innocent-looking storage room.
Sam? Look.
They changed the lock on the damn thing.
I know it's the same door, but they changed the- I'm a dead man.
Does that look like a secret lab to you? Uh, no.
What it looks like is that they've constructed a fake wall, which conceals the tunnel which leads to the secret lab.
Oh, really? Doesn't sound fake to me.
Pull the plug.
Pull the plug! Pull the plug.
Sam, you stall.
I'm gonna check on this wall.
Okay, now, I know that this doesn't sound like a fake wall, Sam, it's still here! They've got this elaborate fake wall.
but, uh, if you, uh- There's six feet of dirt back here, but then you're in.
If you could walk through this wall, you would see Yeah.
the tunnel on the other side.
And, well- Save it, Ernesto.
Earl pulled the plug.
No.
All we have to do is dig through the tunnel and we'll find- It's too late.
- I think you owe me an apology.
- Oh, you do, do you? Oh, yes.
Well, I'm sorry, but- But what? I'd be happy to make it up to you.
What? Look.
You were right and I was wrong, and since I started this whole thing, I think it would only be fair if I were to invite you onto my show- tomorrow, if you're free- and I would apologize publicly.
No, that won't be necessary.
No, no, no, but it is necessary.
And besides, it would be good publicity for you guys and-and-and great ratings for me.
In fact, we could call it, uh, "What happens when reporters are wrong.
" Roberto, have you gone crazy? We saw the room, and this was the key that opened the door.
That's our new I.
D.
badges.
We just started using them.
And I believe that belongs to me.
No, actually, it belongs to the police.
We, uh, found this where Rick was killed, and since- That's evidence in an ongoing investigation.
It's evidence in an ongoing investigation, and I think we'll just turn it in to them.
Good idea.
In fact, I'd like to offer a reward for any information leading to the arrest of the driver that killed Rick.
Well, that's very nice.
You could do it on my show.
Well, I'll have to think about that.
Why don't you call me in the morning? Oh, and, uh, please, close the door after you.
You're letting him get away? I'm just trying to buy us a little time, and I would appreciate some cooperation.
Why do I suddenly feel like I'm a step behind you? I never used to feel that way.
Well, I don't know.
I- Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it? That's what you get working with a genius.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh? Is this your " Uh-oh, things are getting worse," or is this your " Uh-oh, now I've changed history, and things are really gonna get horrible"? Which " Uh-oh" is this? This is the " Uh-oh" that she doesn't die anymore from driving the car off a cliff.
She dies from an acute asthma attack tomorrow morning, uh-oh.
Well, thatjust about wraps up our show today on friends of fruits and veggies, so join us tomorrow here on Roberto.
Till then, have a nice day.
And we are out.
Funny show, Sam.
Ha, ha, ha.
Okay, it isn't funny.
I realize it isn't funny.
Look.
I wanna nail these guys just as bad as you do, but Ziggy says that it- It's never gonna happen, because in the first place, you're gonna have to have an iron-clad search warrant- I am going to lunch.
Iron-clad search warrant before you can get into that joint again, and without any corroborating evidence, you're never gonna get the search warrant.
So this investigation is going nowhere.
Maybe not.
You're trying to get into a payroll company? Yeah.
we gotta solve this ourselves, remember? Besides, they do work for Saxton.
Yeah, but they're not gonna lead you to anything.
How do you know? Because top-secret projects have their own secure computer networks.
Oh, that's right.
You used to work for a couple of those.
Yeah, I remember now from your résumé.
Then you won't mind giving me a shot.
Scoot over.
All right, the search for corroborative evidence begins.
Hey, I thought you couldn't type.
It's been a while.
Sam, Ziggy has tried every conceivable - Feed me, Ziggy.
What? All right.
Prime 37, enter.
Uh, V-F 262222, doc.
Five, niner, drive, drive, drive, enter.
"G," enter.
" T," back slash.
Second password, " betlegeuse.
" I'm gonna go get some coffee.
"Toaster," enter.
You want some? Space.
3.
1.
4.
1.
, enter.
Try not to miss me.
Uh, tilde.
Zero, enter.
Uh, star code, enter.
Uh, Delaware, 77, back slash, 7.
Come on, come on, come on.
Give it up, Roberto.
You've already done it We'll do it again tomorrow.
We don't have until tomorrow.
You know, you have a delightful personality.
Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm just- I'm tired and frustrated and- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Sam, you're in.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Whoa, whoa.
It's moving too fast.
Stop it.
Mr.
Saxton? We have a hacker on the computer line.
Do we know who they are? It's coming from the TV station.
We're zeroing in now.
Damn! It's that girl, Eisenberg, and Roberto what's-his-name.
They'll have to be taken care of.
Consider it done.
Uh, Hank? Just the girl.
If they both have accidents, even the dimwitted cops in this town will get suspicious, and he's just a two-bit blowhard in over his head.
After she's gone, a few words and a few dollars, and he'll slink away out of sight forever.
The girl is the real danger.
You can't bargain with that type.
Now, for her, you're gonna have to do something that's particularly clever.
Hmm.
"Hydrochloric thiodiglycol.
Methylphosphonoflouridate.
Methyl isocyanate.
" Variations of Methyl isocyanate.
Methyl isocyanate? Methyl isocyanate.
Oh, God.
If I'd stayed in Chicago, at least I'd have a shot at an Emmy.
God.
How do you feel? Fine.
Can't you tell? Methyl isocyanate is used to make pesticides.
If you inhale it, it immediately constricts your nasal and bronchial passages as well as your larynx.
It's like having a severe asthma attack instantly.
There's no treatment.
There's no antidote.
Too much and it's fatal, and they're working on a derivative that's 10 times worse than that.
Go turn on the printer.
Oh.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Ball game.
They know? They know? Yeah.
What do we do now? Well, we try again.
It's the only way to force Saxton's hand.
You force his hand, he's gonna try and kill you.
Look,Jani, if we keep doing this, they may try to kill us too.
Let 'em try.
Sam, I'm going back to check with Ziggy.
Mr.
Saxton, it's Roberto on line three.
Put him through.
Hello.
She's dead.
Dead? Who? You know damn well who.
Jani Eisenberg.
Terrible.
That's- That's tragic.
How did it happen? A severe asthma attack, as if you didn't know.
I- I didn't know people could die- How'd you do it? "Do it"? How'd you kill her? How'd you do it? Is that gonna be the theme of your show today? You're damn right it is.
If you go on the air with that charge, I'll sue you- the station and everybody connected with that show.
And I'll win, because there's no way in hell you can prove I induced an asthma attack, and you know it.
You're probably right.
Well.
That's the first reasonable thing you've said this morning.
Now, I- I'd like to, uh, set up a scholarship fund in Miss Eisenberg's memory.
I'll have a check cut this morning for, say, $50,000- uh, in your name as trustee.
I'll accept on one condition.
I'm listening.
You agree to do my show.
- No.
- Not even if I apologize? Not even if I admit that I was wrong about you and your plant? Why would you do that? To make that scholarship $100,000.
I- I knew I had you figured.
Yeah, I guess you were right.
Welcome today to our special edition of Robert0- "What happens when reporters are wrong?" This show should be particularly interesting, because I'm the reporter.
But before we begin, I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to my colleague Jani Eisenberg, who passed away suddenly this morning from a severe asthma attack.
Oh, no.
Jani was a wonderful person and a great reporter, and we will all miss her dearly.
And now, if you'll join me in welcoming Mr.
Ed Saxton, president of Saxton Fertilizers and Pesticides.
Just yesterday morning, I accused Mr.
Saxton on live TV of running a secret chemical warfare lab at his plant, and I would like to apologize for that.
Don't mention it.
In fact, I said that you'd had a leak earlier in the week from that same lab, which had resulted in the death of several sheep.
But you were wrong.
I had no proof.
All I had was a blank wall, and my word against yours.
That's right.
In fact, even if I had wanted to obtain a search warrant to see what was behind that wall, I would have needed more than the testimony of reliable witnesses such as myself orJani Eisenberg.
I would have needed some corroborating evidence- something, say, like this.
Now, Mr.
Saxton, hypothetically, let's just say that you did have a secret chemical warfare lab at your plant.
Wouldn't it be easy for you to put some secret chemical in this? And then slip it to someone who was using this as an inhaler for their asthma- someone who was trying to expose your secrets, someone likeJani Eisenberg.
That doesn't prove anything.
She's dead.
Is that her? Just think- If there were some secret chemical in here, one squirt, and, uh, a person could die.
You idiot! All right,just take it easy.
Take it easy.
There's nothing in this one.
I bought this at the store this morning.
But you deserved it, you weasel.
But the one you did poison- the one you planted on Jani Eisenberg last night- that one is in the hands of the Destiny County Sheriff's Department.
Yesterday I needed proof.
Today I just got it.
It is my extreme pleasure to hand you this search warrant.
This is outrageous.
I won't stay here another minute.
Get him.
! Sam, that does it.
Saxton is indicted and convicted for murder and attempted murder, so get ready to leap.
Hell of a show, Roberto.
Hell of a show.
Now do the wrap-up.
The wr-The wrap-up.
Okay.
Okay, folks, tomorrow on Roberto, we've got a man who says he's lost a thousand pounds of fat.
We've got a woman who claims that she hears old radio stations through her teeth.
And finally, a personal story about the time I was kidnapped by aliens and held in an all-white room.
That's tomorrow on Roberto.
And we are O-U-T, out! All right.
Great show, buddy.
Great show.
Thanks.
I owe you 100 bucks.
Nah.
Tell you what.
- Why don't I just buy you a nice bottle of champagne? - Nah.
Oh, boy.