Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015) s04e17 Episode Script
Sad Teen Hotline; Jannanigans
1 [upbeat music plays.]
It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from round here I'm from another dimension Gonna get a little weird, gonna have a good time I ain't from round here, I'm from another woo-hoo Yea-ah I'm talking rainbows, I'm talking puppies Puh-puh-puh-puh- puh-puh-puh-p-u-u-uh It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from round here I'm from another dimension [helicopter buzzing.]
Let the "Welcome Back Tom" roof picnic begin! I made smoothies! I think.
[gags.]
Ugh! That's disgusting.
Try it! - Uh - Oh! And I made your favorite! Roof Eggs! Aaaah! Oh, no.
Now they're Ground Eggs.
Ah, I don't even care.
I'm just stoked you're back.
- I wanna hear all about your trip! - Oh! Oh, it was great! It kind of changed my perspective on life.
Um, speaking of which, can I talk to you about something? Sure! What's up? Well, I've been doing some soul searching lately.
And I keep coming back to this feeling.
II feel like like we should [drowned out by helicopter.]
I think we should break up.
What's that?! Oh, um, [drowned out.]
I think we should see other people.
What was that?! [drowned out.]
I said I think we should break up! Ohh! Winter Storm Hyper Blast! Ahh! Your highness has the floor.
Um, Star? I think we should break up.
Wait.
Why? Okay, I know I'm not the best girlfriend, but I'm definitely not the worst.
I made you all this food, and I even got you a present! It's a super rare black and white cat named Mr.
Panda Pants! [meow.]
Star, I appreciate the effort - [purring.]
- but, you know, at the end of the day, it's not about what you do or what you don't do.
It's about where you're headed.
And you and me, we're headed to different places.
[meow.]
Well, at least we'll always be friends, right? [Tom.]
No, I can't do that.
You're a really great person.
That's exactly why I think being friends would be too painful for me.
So, maybe I'll see you in another life.
Where we're both cute panda cats.
- [breeze blowing.]
- Yeah.
[sniffling.]
[fire crackling.]
Uh, Tom? What are you doing? Just go already! I'm trying.
Just having a little issue with the fire column.
Just, uh, don't look for a sec? - Really? - Just do it! Ugh! [muttering.]
You're still there, aren't you?! [laughs.]
Just, um one more sec.
Almost there.
Just give it another - Uhh - Aaaaaagh! Oh! All right, what is this? What am I looking at here? Aaaaaagh! Why isn't it working?! Hey! [grunts.]
Thomas Draconius Lucitor, don't you Aah! Aah! - What are you doing? - I have no idea! Maybe the portal fire needs more fuel or something.
Is that really how it works? Probably not.
But I'm willing to give it a shot.
Tom, no fire in the house! I think I figured out what's going on.
You're super emotional right now, and it's probably interfering with your powers.
Ugh! Okay, well, fine! Do you think maybe you could, you know Uh Oh! Yeah, yeah.
Of course.
[laughs.]
One portal coming right up! Huh? What? [grunts.]
- Arhghhhhh! - Seriously?! Well, I'm emotional now, too, okay?! [doorbell rings.]
Coming! Hey, kids, I'm just here about the, uh police helicopter? Yeah, it seems to be frozen in place over this here, uh, house.
Oh, right, that.
Sorry, my bad.
But would you mind coming back a little later? I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Barb! Yeah, Boss! I'm just gonna skedaddle up to the roof and spend probably hours figuring out what's going on up there.
Ha ha! Okay, well, like I said, I'm right in the middle of something, sooo do whatever you gotta do! [Mr.
Diaz.]
Star! What is going on here?! Uh, we're here about the police helicopter.
No, not you.
Star, Tom! Why do you look so sad? Um Tom and I broke up.
What?! - [gasp.]
- [gasp.]
[man on radio.]
[gasp.]
Over! Pero por qué?! Uh, thank you, but what we really need now is just I know exactly what you need! - [dialing.]
- [line ringing.]
[female operator.]
Thank you for calling the Sad Teen Hotline.
- [elevator music playing.]
- What can I help you with today? Hello! I have two teens here in my house.
They are now breaking up! Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! How are they holding up? Oh, they are devastated! One of them was crying, and the other one looks - like he might try - This is a nightmare.
- to burn down the house at any minute.
- Oh, sweetie.
It's just a part of life, you know? Me and Rafael broke up literally hundreds of times before we finally got married.
Thank you for reminding me.
Remember when we broke up after Valentine's Day Yeah, breakups are tough.
Breaking up with my high school sweetheart was the worst mistake of my life.
I've never known true happiness ever since I got dumped over 20 years ago.
I'm sad a lot.
Argh! I'm outta here! Hey, wait a minute! [overlapping conversations.]
[Star groans.]
This could not have gone worse.
[fire crackling.]
Keep it together, Tom! You can do this.
[exhales.]
Calming breaths.
Calming breaths! Calming breaths! I said calming breaths! Tom, that's not going to work! Ugh! Look, I know you don't like me anymore, - but I still - I do still like you! Then why does this have to be so difficult?! Arrrgh, did you think this was easy for me?! This was probably the hardest thing I've ever done! And being around you right now is It's just like this huge reminder of how much I don't know what I'm doing.
Oh, Tom, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make you upset.
I'm not upset! [sniffs.]
Okay, maybe I'm a little upset.
[laughs.]
Here, let me help you with that.
Oh! Star! There we go.
Man, this really stinks.
Yes.
This whole day has just been yikes.
[both laughing.]
- Yeah.
- [sighs.]
What happens now? Well, I would still like to be friends with you, Star.
I I just I feel like I should be dating someone who I could be best friends with.
You already have one of those.
Yeah.
I understand.
Hey, love birds! Am I back too early? Uggh! We were doing so well.
I was walking around the mall for, like, three hours, - so I figured I'd What?! - [heavy equipment beeping.]
Uh whaaaat? Uh Tom and I are breaking up.
What?! Why?! It's It's complicated, but it's it's the right thing.
For both of us.
I should go.
I feel like I'm ready now.
Me, too.
Oh.
Hmm.
Right.
Catch you later, Starship.
C'mon.
I'll make you some nachos.
That sounds pretty good.
You know, I heard the new season of "Fiesta de la Noche" is [Tom.]
Aw, c'mon! Are you kidding?! Ugggh! Guess what? No! Still?! Still what? We've been trying to open portals all day.
But apparently we're both too emotional to do it.
Well I'm not upset at all! What I mean is I can help you! With my scissors! One non-emotional portal comin' up! [mimicking portal sound.]
Boosh! Um, Marco? Ha! Sorry, I, uh Oh, c'mon, you stupid scissors! What the Come on, man.
This has never happened to me before! [sigh.]
Of course.
We infected Marco with our sad vibes.
Wait, wait, wait.
So what does that mean? I think it means you're stuck here.
[Mr.
Diaz.]
I just don't understand! - [elevator music playing.]
- How could they throw away their whole relationship like that? Is love a lie? [Teen Sadness operator.]
So this Star and Tom, are they your friends from school? They are friends with my son, Marco! Wait, your son?! I thought you were a sad teen! Oh, no, no, no.
I am a sad grown man.
This hotline is for teens only.
[click, dial tone.]
Psst.
Hey, Tom.
You awake? No.
You're But But you're talking right now.
You're right.
Miraculously, I'm talking in my sleep.
It's a demon power.
Wait.
Is Is that a thing? Of course it isn't, Marco! That'd be stupid.
Okay, okay.
Sorry for bothering you.
No, look, I'm sorry, man.
I I just I think I'm too emotionally exhausted to hold a conversation right now.
Dude.
I get it.
It took me months to get over Jackie.
Yeah, but did it really? Yes, it did! And I get what you and Star are going through.
Thanks.
I just You know, I just hope I I get some time.
Some calm time without any - Guys! - [Tom.]
Gaaaah! Ohh! Please, use your hands! What's happening? I don't know, but something super, super weird.
It's not just the portals that are all out of whack! Look! Call Mom! [female voice.]
Calling Mom.
[line rings, static.]
- Um, maybe she's asleep? - Uh-uh.
Call Ponyhead! Calling Ponyhead.
[ring, static.]
But Ponyhead? I mean, she stays up till at least 4 A.
M.
So what? Are our emotions doing this, too? No.
There's definitely something bigger going on here.
I don't know what it means or why it's happening, but I think it's really bad.
[exhales.]
We have to go back to Mewni.
[helicopter buzzing.]
[explosion.]
It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from round here I'm from another dimension Gonna get a little weird, gonna have a good time I ain't from round here, I'm from another woo-hoo Yea-ah I'm talking rainbows, I'm talking puppies Puh-puh-puh-puh- puh-puh-puh-p-u-u-uh It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from round here I'm from another dimension [helicopter buzzing.]
Let the "Welcome Back Tom" roof picnic begin! I made smoothies! I think.
[gags.]
Ugh! That's disgusting.
Try it! - Uh - Oh! And I made your favorite! Roof Eggs! Aaaah! Oh, no.
Now they're Ground Eggs.
Ah, I don't even care.
I'm just stoked you're back.
- I wanna hear all about your trip! - Oh! Oh, it was great! It kind of changed my perspective on life.
Um, speaking of which, can I talk to you about something? Sure! What's up? Well, I've been doing some soul searching lately.
And I keep coming back to this feeling.
II feel like like we should [drowned out by helicopter.]
I think we should break up.
What's that?! Oh, um, [drowned out.]
I think we should see other people.
What was that?! [drowned out.]
I said I think we should break up! Ohh! Winter Storm Hyper Blast! Ahh! Your highness has the floor.
Um, Star? I think we should break up.
Wait.
Why? Okay, I know I'm not the best girlfriend, but I'm definitely not the worst.
I made you all this food, and I even got you a present! It's a super rare black and white cat named Mr.
Panda Pants! [meow.]
Star, I appreciate the effort - [purring.]
- but, you know, at the end of the day, it's not about what you do or what you don't do.
It's about where you're headed.
And you and me, we're headed to different places.
[meow.]
Well, at least we'll always be friends, right? [Tom.]
No, I can't do that.
You're a really great person.
That's exactly why I think being friends would be too painful for me.
So, maybe I'll see you in another life.
Where we're both cute panda cats.
- [breeze blowing.]
- Yeah.
[sniffling.]
[fire crackling.]
Uh, Tom? What are you doing? Just go already! I'm trying.
Just having a little issue with the fire column.
Just, uh, don't look for a sec? - Really? - Just do it! Ugh! [muttering.]
You're still there, aren't you?! [laughs.]
Just, um one more sec.
Almost there.
Just give it another - Uhh - Aaaaaagh! Oh! All right, what is this? What am I looking at here? Aaaaaagh! Why isn't it working?! Hey! [grunts.]
Thomas Draconius Lucitor, don't you Aah! Aah! - What are you doing? - I have no idea! Maybe the portal fire needs more fuel or something.
Is that really how it works? Probably not.
But I'm willing to give it a shot.
Tom, no fire in the house! I think I figured out what's going on.
You're super emotional right now, and it's probably interfering with your powers.
Ugh! Okay, well, fine! Do you think maybe you could, you know Uh Oh! Yeah, yeah.
Of course.
[laughs.]
One portal coming right up! Huh? What? [grunts.]
- Arhghhhhh! - Seriously?! Well, I'm emotional now, too, okay?! [doorbell rings.]
Coming! Hey, kids, I'm just here about the, uh police helicopter? Yeah, it seems to be frozen in place over this here, uh, house.
Oh, right, that.
Sorry, my bad.
But would you mind coming back a little later? I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Barb! Yeah, Boss! I'm just gonna skedaddle up to the roof and spend probably hours figuring out what's going on up there.
Ha ha! Okay, well, like I said, I'm right in the middle of something, sooo do whatever you gotta do! [Mr.
Diaz.]
Star! What is going on here?! Uh, we're here about the police helicopter.
No, not you.
Star, Tom! Why do you look so sad? Um Tom and I broke up.
What?! - [gasp.]
- [gasp.]
[man on radio.]
[gasp.]
Over! Pero por qué?! Uh, thank you, but what we really need now is just I know exactly what you need! - [dialing.]
- [line ringing.]
[female operator.]
Thank you for calling the Sad Teen Hotline.
- [elevator music playing.]
- What can I help you with today? Hello! I have two teens here in my house.
They are now breaking up! Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! How are they holding up? Oh, they are devastated! One of them was crying, and the other one looks - like he might try - This is a nightmare.
- to burn down the house at any minute.
- Oh, sweetie.
It's just a part of life, you know? Me and Rafael broke up literally hundreds of times before we finally got married.
Thank you for reminding me.
Remember when we broke up after Valentine's Day Yeah, breakups are tough.
Breaking up with my high school sweetheart was the worst mistake of my life.
I've never known true happiness ever since I got dumped over 20 years ago.
I'm sad a lot.
Argh! I'm outta here! Hey, wait a minute! [overlapping conversations.]
[Star groans.]
This could not have gone worse.
[fire crackling.]
Keep it together, Tom! You can do this.
[exhales.]
Calming breaths.
Calming breaths! Calming breaths! I said calming breaths! Tom, that's not going to work! Ugh! Look, I know you don't like me anymore, - but I still - I do still like you! Then why does this have to be so difficult?! Arrrgh, did you think this was easy for me?! This was probably the hardest thing I've ever done! And being around you right now is It's just like this huge reminder of how much I don't know what I'm doing.
Oh, Tom, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make you upset.
I'm not upset! [sniffs.]
Okay, maybe I'm a little upset.
[laughs.]
Here, let me help you with that.
Oh! Star! There we go.
Man, this really stinks.
Yes.
This whole day has just been yikes.
[both laughing.]
- Yeah.
- [sighs.]
What happens now? Well, I would still like to be friends with you, Star.
I I just I feel like I should be dating someone who I could be best friends with.
You already have one of those.
Yeah.
I understand.
Hey, love birds! Am I back too early? Uggh! We were doing so well.
I was walking around the mall for, like, three hours, - so I figured I'd What?! - [heavy equipment beeping.]
Uh whaaaat? Uh Tom and I are breaking up.
What?! Why?! It's It's complicated, but it's it's the right thing.
For both of us.
I should go.
I feel like I'm ready now.
Me, too.
Oh.
Hmm.
Right.
Catch you later, Starship.
C'mon.
I'll make you some nachos.
That sounds pretty good.
You know, I heard the new season of "Fiesta de la Noche" is [Tom.]
Aw, c'mon! Are you kidding?! Ugggh! Guess what? No! Still?! Still what? We've been trying to open portals all day.
But apparently we're both too emotional to do it.
Well I'm not upset at all! What I mean is I can help you! With my scissors! One non-emotional portal comin' up! [mimicking portal sound.]
Boosh! Um, Marco? Ha! Sorry, I, uh Oh, c'mon, you stupid scissors! What the Come on, man.
This has never happened to me before! [sigh.]
Of course.
We infected Marco with our sad vibes.
Wait, wait, wait.
So what does that mean? I think it means you're stuck here.
[Mr.
Diaz.]
I just don't understand! - [elevator music playing.]
- How could they throw away their whole relationship like that? Is love a lie? [Teen Sadness operator.]
So this Star and Tom, are they your friends from school? They are friends with my son, Marco! Wait, your son?! I thought you were a sad teen! Oh, no, no, no.
I am a sad grown man.
This hotline is for teens only.
[click, dial tone.]
Psst.
Hey, Tom.
You awake? No.
You're But But you're talking right now.
You're right.
Miraculously, I'm talking in my sleep.
It's a demon power.
Wait.
Is Is that a thing? Of course it isn't, Marco! That'd be stupid.
Okay, okay.
Sorry for bothering you.
No, look, I'm sorry, man.
I I just I think I'm too emotionally exhausted to hold a conversation right now.
Dude.
I get it.
It took me months to get over Jackie.
Yeah, but did it really? Yes, it did! And I get what you and Star are going through.
Thanks.
I just You know, I just hope I I get some time.
Some calm time without any - Guys! - [Tom.]
Gaaaah! Ohh! Please, use your hands! What's happening? I don't know, but something super, super weird.
It's not just the portals that are all out of whack! Look! Call Mom! [female voice.]
Calling Mom.
[line rings, static.]
- Um, maybe she's asleep? - Uh-uh.
Call Ponyhead! Calling Ponyhead.
[ring, static.]
But Ponyhead? I mean, she stays up till at least 4 A.
M.
So what? Are our emotions doing this, too? No.
There's definitely something bigger going on here.
I don't know what it means or why it's happening, but I think it's really bad.
[exhales.]
We have to go back to Mewni.
[helicopter buzzing.]
[explosion.]