The Nanny s04e17 Episode Script

( Jazz music playing ) Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Mr.
Sheffield just called from the limo and said that he made a big mistake six months ago and wants to talk to me about it.
- Six months? - Paris.
- Plane.
- Told me that he loved me.
Took it back.
Together: Mistake! ( Rapping ) Mistake, mistake, he made a big mistake Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah.
Niles, could Miss Fine and I have some privacy please? Niles and Fran: Oh.
- Certainly, sir.
- Thank you.
Ahem.
So, Mr.
Sheffield, you said you made some horrible mistake six months ago? That's right.
And I want to make it up to you right now.
One sec.
( Phone ringing ) Sylvia: Hello.
Oh, hi, Ma.
Well, what do you want? We're just sitting down to eat.
Oh, can it just wait a sec? No.
I think you'll wanna hear this.
Go ahead.
Well, Miss Fine, I've just had a meeting with my accountant - Mm-hmm? - And I realized I took out too much withholding tax.
I owe you a refund.
( Phone disconnects ) That was the big mistake you made six months ago? I can't believe that's what you lured me in here, you get rid of Niles, you call my mother.
Uh, that was you.
Nobody likes a finger-pointer.
Why are you so upset? Because six months ago you told me that you loved me and then you took it back.
And I thought that that was the mistake you made that you wanted to correct.
Not some lousy tax refund.
How much are we talkin'? Ooh, ha! Movin' on, how can you be so insensitive? Oh, I thought you understood why I took back what I said.
Oh, I just said I understood.
I was trying to appear reasonable.
I thought it would turn you on.
Maxwell, you are not gonna believe this.
I have been summoned for jury duty.
Well, that is the last time I vote.
Miss Babcock, maybe I'll go be on that jury with you.
Nanny Fine, you can't just go.
It's not like Super Cuts.
Are you kidding? I've got a drawer full of those things.
Besides, there's nothing keeping me here.
Oh, for God's sakes, Miss Fine.
When are you gonna forgive me for this? Well, I'll give you a little hint.
It begins with an N.
And ends with an A.
Never.
She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing Queens Till her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes What was she to do? Where was she to go? She was out on her fanny So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door She was there to sell makeup, but father saw more She had style, she had flair, she was there That's how she became The Nanny Who would have guessed that the girl we've described Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? Now the father finds her beguiling Watch out, C.
C.
And the kids are actually smiling Such joie de vivre She is the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan The flashy girl from Flushing The Nanny named Fran Oh, my God! This is the Vincenzo trial.
Oh, I've just got to get on this jury.
He is on the cover of every romance novel.
- ( Gasps ) - You know him? No, you read? - Juror number two.
- Yes.
I'm sorry, but under marital status, does this say divorced? Uh, no.
Disgusted, mm-hmm.
And, you are how old? - 29.
- Ugh.
Well, who's on trial here, anyway? Good news and bad news, sir.
Good news first.
Miss Babcock got picked as a juror and will not be returning to work for the duration of the trial.
Why is that good news for me? Not everything is about you, sir.
Now, for the bad news.
Miss Fine was also picked.
Oh, actually that's kind of a relief.
It'll give her a chance to get out of the house, meet some new people, get a change of scenery.
Keep her from killing you for breaking her heart again? Just, uh, find a temporary replacement, would you? Oh, be careful what you wish for, sir.
Say hello, to your new nanny! ( Desk thuds and breaks ) Hear ye, hear ye.
This court is now in session.
The Honorable Judge Jerry Moran presiding.
All rise.
Be seated.
Up! You're all out! I didn't say "Simon says".
( laughing ) I never get tired of that.
Alright.
Proceed.
The people call Vincenzo to the stand.
Sit down.
Not you.
Juror number two.
Oh, he yelled at me, but look at her.
She pushed her chair up nice and close.
You mind if I kick off my shoes? My feet are a little moist.
I am the meat in an idiot sandwich.
Mr.
Vincenzo, tell us what happened the night you were attacked.
I was asleep.
My housekeeper, Kiki, hovered over my bed.
I thought I was dreaming.
Then the woman, just chopped all of it off! And that's why they don't allow female mohels.
Mr.
Vincenzo, have you experienced emotional distress as a result of this attack? Of course.
God knows, if it'll grow back? ( Speaking foreign language ) My career is ruined.
Look what she did to me! I like it.
Lose the earring.
It's a little too Mr.
Clean.
Mr.
Vincenzo, why would Miss Hansen want to attack you? I don't know.
In fact, I told her, I loved her.
Jurors: Aah.
Give her the chair, pass it down.
Your witness.
Mr.
Vincenzo, tell the court what you did after you told Miss Hansen that you loved her.
I took it back.
( Gasps ) Call for a mistrial! That woman is 100%, absolutely not guilty.
( Gavel banging ) Shh, shh.
Sorry.
Okay, kids.
Let's play a new game.
It's called "Let's make Sylvia a snack".
But we just played Let's Make Sylvia Dinner.
Yeah, but I won.
Okay, who wants to paint my nails? I do! Mammale, start with the big one first.
They're all big.
Oh, that's cool.
So, is he cute? Really? Did he ask you out on a date? Hey, Gidget, would you get off the phone? We're waiting for Fran to call.
Well, this is Fran.
Here, she wants to talk to you.
Oh.
You know, uh, my hole closed up.
Could you see if you could push this through? Hello, sweetheart.
So, how's the trial? Oh, honey, they don't hang people anymore.
Oh, sure, he should rot in hell! Of course, he's guilty as sin.
I thought she wasn't supposed to discuss the trial.
She's talking about you.
Just, just, give me the phone.
She don't wanna talk to you.
( Phone beeps off ) You know, Mr.
Sheffield, you can't play with a woman's emotions.
A woman is like a fragile delicate flower.
There's no nail on that toe.
Paint the skin.
Hey, look, the trial's on the news.
Oh, ah.
( music playing on TV ) At least, being on this jury will take her mind off what I said and then, you know, took back.
Man on TV: The Vincenzo trial heated up, when the romance novel heartthrob revealed he told his employee he loved her, then took it back.
Niles, which arm tingles when you're about to get a heart attack? You're so vain.
Not everything in Miss Fine's life is colored by her feelings for you.
Man on TV: The jury sat stone faced through Vincenzo's testimony, except for a lone juror, who had to be physically restrained.
Oh, hold this a minute.
Oh, just look at that poor girl.
See, that is what happens when a man tells you that he loves you and then he takes it back.
Any woman in her position would have done the exact same thing.
What are you looking for? My Dexatrim.
Miss Hansen, you claim not to have a key to Vincenzo's room.
Yet, as his live in maid, you must have total access to every room in the house? Oh, this is so low.
They're playing the domestic help card.
Can you tell us how your fingerprints got onto People's exhibit number six? I don't know.
And how did you get those cuts on your hands? I don't know.
She's just so obviously innocent.
Investigators uncovered a size eight Manolo Blahnik stiletto heel print at the scene.
In your deposition, you claim that you would never own such an ugly pair of shoes.
How do you explain this photograph? It's obviously been doctored.
I mean, those shoes are white.
The crime took place after Labor Day.
There goes the whole time line.
There's a voice in here that's really irritating me.
Ay, shut up over there.
You lied about these shoes.
You lied about being in his room that night.
And you lied about using those scissors to deform him.
- Didn't you? - I would never hurt Vincenzo! I knew him when he was just Bernie Schwartzberg! Anyone else would have killed him! All I did was just cut his hair! Aha! ( All gasp ) Did you hear that? I don't believe it.
He's Jewish.
Niles, Sylvia has been calling for you for ten minutes.
Why haven't you answered her? She was calling from the tub, sir.
Oh.
By the way, where's my lunch? Ah.
When the ingredients are combined, she can smell them immediately.
May I, sir? Sylvia: Niles! Oh, quick! She's onto us, sir.
Don't bother to chew it, just swallow it whole.
Do I smell dried cotto salami with a sweet honey mustard? On a kaiser roll? I really wanted that.
You know, if Timmy Harford had a corned beef sandwich in his pocket, she'd have found him in a week.
Guilty.
Yes.
- Guilty.
- Ah.
And one not guilty.
( Jurors cursing angrily ) Hey lady, what part of this exactly is it that you don't understand? The confession on the rope? Or the neighbor's video that showed her doin' it? You ever hear of "Guilty as sin"? Ever hear of Arrid Extra Dry? Alright, Nanny Fine.
If you don't vote guilty, I'm gonna swing you by the head like a dead cat.
I have been stuck in that hotel room with you for eight days.
I'm singing myself to sleep with A horse is a horse, of course, of course Well, excuse me.
That man told her that he loved her and then he took it back.
Do you know what that does to a person? Hasn't anybody ever driven anyone here to commit an insane act? I can't say that ever happened.
Oh, so, your kids, they call you a lot? No.
But, they see you at least once a week? Once a month.
- And only if I beg.
- Aww.
Oh, it's not my son.
It's that cow he married.
Sometimes I just wanna ugh! Not guilty.
( Jurors moan ) Could it be that you are just a little sensitive to this shrew maid because you have some fantasy of ending up with your employer yourself? ( Scoffs ) Let she who is without fantasy cast the first stone.
And, for your information, I am completely able to separate myself from this case.
Did you even listen to Vincenzo's reasons for taking back what he said? I quote: "Miss Hansen and I had feelings for each other," but I couldn't risk the romance.
"She was like a mother to my children.
" But the kids adore me.
Her! Me.
Her! "My children couldn't handle losing another mother if our relationship didn't work out.
" ( sobbing ) Same thing happened to me when I was little boy.
( Continues sobbing ) You like a sensitive guy? Yes.
I used to be one.
So in other words, the reason why he couldn't commit to her was because he was so much in love with her he was afraid that if he blew it not only would it hurt the kids, but he would lose her forever.
And that's why he took back the thing.
Everyone: Yes! Yes! What thing? Everyone: Oh, shut up! Hmm.
Is that a Southwest barbecue chicken on grilled sourdough with a side of shoestring fries? Could I have one little bite? It's not sanitary, sweetheart.
Hold it, right there.
Give that.
( sniffs ) Southwest barbecue chicken on grilled sourdough with a side of shoestring fries back to the boy! God bless you, Fran.
Welcome home.
How's Mr.
Sheffield? You know, he's very anti-social.
- Oh? - The whole time I was here, he never came out of his office.
Oh.
Gee, that's just like daddy.
Wonder what that's about.
Bye, sweetheart.
Bye, Ma.
Thank you.
Oh, Miss Fine, you're back.
Uh, look, before we pick up where we left off, I want you to remember that I've been living with your mother for a week.
I think I deserve a little time off my sentence.
Oh, Mr.
Sheffield, I understand now why you took back what you said.
I'm not angry with you anymore.
Ugh.
Oh, no, no, come on, don't toy with me, Miss Fine.
I'm weak with hunger.
I'm not toying with you.
Come here.
( Giggles ) Now, I'm toying with you.
Ah.
Did you see the news? Vincenzo convinced the prosecutor to drop the charges and just married his housekeeper.
If you think that holding me tight is gonna get you out of this one, mister, well you're just gonna have to move your hands a little lower.
Hmm.
"Her alabaster skin was pressed against his taut, "muscular body.
"Their lips met, and the two became one.
" Hey, this is my fantasy.
But I lent you the book.
Now, let's go to the chapter where we're shipwrecked.
Oi! ( Jazz music playing )