Ugly Betty s04e17 Episode Script

Previously on Ugly Betty Hilda Suarez, I love you.
Will you marry me? - So, you like someone.
- Yeah.
Are you my mother? Yeah.
- Tyler is not who you think he is.
- Who is he, then? He's your brother.
I really need to see you tonight.
I'm kind of busy right now.
Thanks for not ditching me tonight.
My name is Betty Suarez, and I'm looking for a new orthodontist.
I've been wearing braces for over four years now.
Goodbye, braces.
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Okay.
- Hey! Papi, Betty and I were up all night talking about my wedding, and there is really no way that we can do it without 100 snow-white doves.
What do you need doves for? City's full of pigeons.
- And they're free.
- Pigeons? Why do you hate me? Betty, back me up.
I don't know if I said 100 white doves.
Where is Justin when you need him? Hey, Austin.
Just leaving another message.
Don't really know how you're feeling about what happened.
You know, the kiss.
Maybe you lost your phone or something.
I don't really know, probably not.
Anyway, you can call me back.
This is Justin.
Justin, Papi doesn't understand the doves.
There have to be 100 and if they're not snow-white then they might as well just be pigeons.
That's what I said.
Betty, before I forget, this is your last check for the orthodontist.
Papi, I'm an adult, I can cover it myself.
Then I will take it.
What? Champagne waterfalls are very expensive.
Please, I'm your father.
Let me do this.
And besides, it's my fault.
Everyone on my side of the family has the big crazy chompers.
AB, look this way.
I got you just a little small something to celebrate your braces coming off.
How sweet.
Not so fast.
You can't have it until those things are gone.
Okay, well, one more thing to look forward to.
All right, family, say goodbye to the braces, 'cause you're never gonna see them again.
Bye, braces.
Tyler? Interesting.
I'm totally on board.
Oh? Um Amanda spilled a wine cooler on my shirt last night, so Last night.
So you slept over.
Booyah! I totally got the stain out.
Thanks.
So, listen, I should probably go.
Okay.
- So, will I see you later? - Yeah, if you want to.
Marc, nothing happened.
Honest to Prada.
He was just jetlagged from his trip with Claire so he stayed over.
That right there was the first time we've even kissed.
It's actually kind of nice.
Getting to know a guy before I tickle his ginger.
- Sweet.
- It really is.
Marc, I think this might be the start of something real.
So, does Daniel know about you and his half brother? No, Daniel doesn't know and he's never going to.
Really? Never? Secrets come out, Mandy.
If you think this is real, you should probably tell Daniel before he hears about it someplace else.
So, the whole time I'm on this date, right, I keep staring at this guy's funky lateral incisor.
But I mean, I can't say anything, 'cause you know how men are.
They're so sensitive.
What was that? - Dr.
Frankel? - Yeah? I'm really enjoying this story, but we're gonna take my braces off today, right? - Of course.
Absolutely, of course.
- Great.
So, anyway, I'm sitting at the table and Mr.
Funkity Tooth is taking forever with his menu, right? Look, I have to be at work soon because it's picture day and I'm really looking forward to getting a new ID with my new smile.
And I don't want to rush you or anything Enough said.
Absolutely.
You have had these on forever and you are dying to get them off.
We're not gonna waste another minute.
- You ready? - I'm so ready.
And - There's the fire alarm.
- Are you fricking kidding me? I'm so sorry, it's been on the fritz all week.
Well, at least the sprinklers didn't go off this time.
What? I just got back.
I brought you some Parisian chocolate.
Great, but I'm kind of busy right now getting ready for this shoot.
Yes, the Million Dollar Bra.
Everybody's talking about it.
You really pulled off quite a coup there.
Ad sales are through the roof.
Aren't you going to ask me about my trip? - How was your trip? - Alexis and Tyler really hit it off.
You know, she was skeptical at first, but then when she really let herself get to know him I just I wish you had been there.
Yeah.
A fun vacation with my half brother, who I don't like, and my mother who lied to me about his very existence.
Daniel, can we please just talk about this? Why start now? I'm late for my meeting.
Excuse me.
I have three words for you, Million Dollar Bra.
It's never been featured on a cover before, but the good people at Eve's Seduction are allowing Mode to be the very first.
Thanks to me.
Thank you, thank you.
Yes, yes, Daniel did something right.
Hallelujah, it's a miracle.
So, the bra launches its world tour with a gala send-off this afternoon at the Guggenheim.
We'll be shooting the bra immediately after at the Guggenheim.
Also thanks to me.
If you turn to page 7 of your packets, you'll see the bra's itinerary for the day.
Or bra-tinerary.
We are working under a very tight timeline.
So you will have four hours to shoot the bra.
Daniel, I'm sure you have this all thought through, and I might be a little slow, but can you explain to me how we're gonna shoot the bra while it's on a plane? What are you talking about? Well, according to your bra-tinerary, you have us shooting the bra in the afternoon, but the new press release from Eve's Seduction has the bra on its way to Cairo at the same time.
I'm sure it's just been a little mix-up and it won't be a problem.
No, this is a huge problem.
I know the bra has a busy schedule, but you promised me four hours to do the shoot.
We No, we didn't have a written agreement, we had a verbal one.
Look, just put someone else on the phone.
- Hello? Hello? - Daniel, can I talk to you for a minute? I sort of met someone.
Really? Well, good for you, I guess.
There's more.
It's Tyler.
Amanda, how can you do this to me? We said we were casual.
I thought that's how this worked.
Yeah, but he's my half brother.
Don't you see how messed up that is? - Daniel.
- Don't say anything.
Do you think maybe Sorry, I was talking.
Hey, that's not so bad.
I had planned everything out.
I was supposed to have my braces off.
I picked out a nice outfit.
Why didn't you wear it? And then the sprinklers went off at my orthodontist's this morning.
- Ironically improving your look slightly.
- Thanks.
Hey, Betty.
Ask me if in four years I've ever gotten tired of making fun of you.
- Go ahead, ask me.
Ask me.
- In four years, have you ever No.
Okay, Betty, wait, come back, come on.
We can fix this.
Look, watch.
First, we just got to get rid of the braces.
Then we'll fix that hair.
- Ah! Thank you, Marc.
- We're not done yet.
Now we've got to fix that face.
Let's try this, and this, and this.
- Marc, this looks nothing like me.
- You're welcome.
I am out of options.
Their head of publicity changed the bra's schedule last minute.
- She really screwed me on this.
- So, go above her.
Betty, the only person higher up at Eve's Seduction is Eve herself.
And no one's ever seen her smile.
Everybody knows she's a cast-iron bitch.
I mean, look at her.
Last time she smiled was when Dick Cheney shot that guy in the face.
Mmm.
All right, so don't go above her.
Go below her.
Eve's assistant Alison is super nice and we're old pals.
She's probably online right now.
Look, I'm sorry I'm so stressed.
First, this whole thing with the bra and then Amanda.
You know she broke up with me? - She broke up with you? - Yeah.
I thought it was more casual than that.
No, we were.
It's just that she wanted to start seeing Tyler.
Tyler? Your brother? That's intense.
Why would she do something like that? I don't know.
Maybe she wanted something more than casual.
Hey, come on, I can do something more than casual.
Okay.
I'm just saying, is that really what you want? - Hey, A-Bomb! - B- Bomb! Got the birthday flowers.
You rock, hard.
- You rock harder.
- You're a rock star.
- You're a rocket ship.
- You are rock candy.
Okay, can we just save all this rocking for later, ladies? Thanks.
Sorry.
He's stressed.
Look, I just found out that the bra has to go to Egypt.
That's really gonna screw up our shoot.
Is there something you can do to help? That might be tough.
Eve's in one of her moods today.
She does always pad the bra's schedule, though.
So, tell you what.
Why don't we meet at the Guggenheim and see if we can try to convince her? What do you say? - I'd say you rock.
- No, you rock.
- No, you rock.
- Okay, you both rock.
Sorry, thank you.
We'll see you later.
Bye-bye.
Betty, one.
Giving up, zero.
You've got a raisin stuck in your braces.
Kind of gross.
Ew! Hey, braces.
The museum is closed for a private party.
Your school's group is over there.
No, I'm not with them.
I'm actually with Mode.
ID.
What's with all the security? Eve's Seduction hired us to protect the bra, miss.
Can I see your press ID? Yep.
This isn't you.
Oh.
Actually, it's a funny story.
See, it was picture day at work today and this guy I know thought it would be funny to Step to the side, ma'am.
I'm gonna have to ask you to open your mouth.
Why? What do you think you're gonna find? I have braces, okay? I'm an adult woman with braces.
It's a pain.
Do I wish that I was born with perfect teeth? Yes.
But I wasn't.
So, if you'll excuse me, I have a job to do.
- A-Bomb! - Bomb! Do I wish I was born with perfect teeth? Yes.
You got a raisin stuck in your braces.
What happened? You got your wish.
Dr.
Frankel.
What are you doing here? Well, you wished you were born with perfect teeth and here you are.
You have perfect teeth.
You're welcome.
So, what are you? My guardian angel? A tooth fairy? I don't do labels.
Wait a minute.
I don't need glasses! - Wait, why don't I need glasses? - You got Lasik.
You wanted perfect eyes to match your perfect teeth.
In this world, you're actually just a little bit vain.
- Really? - Mmm.
That doesn't sound like me at all.
Hilda? Papi? Are you guys - Who are you? - Who are you? - This is my house.
- Yeah, actually, it's not.
- It's not? - No.
Where's my family? Baby, get the bat.
Oh.
My family lives here? This is amazing.
And all of this happened because I had perfect teeth? Well, since your papi didn't have to pay for your braces, all that money went right into the tech boom.
Rented out your old house and voilà.
Casa Suarez.
Oh, my God.
Is that my family? Hey! - Mija, there you are.
- We've been looking for you.
- Yeah, hi.
Hi, guys.
Hilda, you look so Beautiful? I know.
Well, I took your advice.
I'm wearing makeup.
Isn't she a knockout? Anyway, Betty, I have been looking everywhere for a wedding dress that looks like the one that you wore to prom.
I went to prom? I was Prom Queen? Okay, ha-ha, very funny.
Anyway, do you think I can pull off a dress like that? Your opinion means so much to me.
You know, you're my fashion guru.
There you are.
- I'm so sorry.
- Where'd you go? I've been working double duty.
I'm showing Anna Paquin what her life would have been like if she didn't have that giant gap in her teeth.
Okay, well, everything seems great.
I mean, my family is loaded and Hilda is happier than I've ever seen her.
- But why does she look so - Different? - Yeah.
- It's the law of the universe.
That there can only be one really pretty sister.
I mean, think about it, right? There's Paris and Nicky, Kim and Khloe, Jeff and Beau.
So, I'm the pretty sister? You know you love it.
Don't pretend you don't.
You'd be surprised how something as simple as perfect teeth can change you.
And the people around you.
Good afternoon, Mode magazine.
Please hold.
Hi, Betty.
- Marc.
You have a baby? I'm so sorry.
Didier had a big trial today and our sitter canceled.
You look beautiful, by the way.
Are those earrings new? They're great.
And you're nice.
What are you doing at reception? Answering phones, alphabetizing files, but if you need me to run any errands, I can totally do that.
Rosalita will sleep through anything.
She once slept through a coup attempt in El Salvador.
Oopsie poopsie.
Somebody did a numero dos.
I've just got to changesies, but if you need anything, seriously, just I can't believe he brought that little goblin.
- Amanda? - This is a place of work-ish.
Okay, could Marc's desk be any gayer? Not that I mind gay.
I love gay.
I just usually prefer the loud, swishy, stereotypical kind.
- You're awfully quiet today.
- Am I? Yeah.
Usually you'd chime in with some funny remark about his lesbian jeans or his Jheri curls.
You mean you and I make fun of Marc? Only every Monday through Friday, bestie.
Bestie, I don't think you should be stealing all that petty cash.
It's not stealing when you own half the company, B.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeppers.
Married to Daniel.
Can you believe it? I mean, at first, it was just casual, right? And then he gets wind that she's seeing other guys, and then, of course, Daniel gets serious.
Jealousy.
It can make a man marry you.
Or throw acid in your face.
Well, they seem happy.
Dr.
Frankel? - Betty, these just came for you.
- They did? From who? - Derek.
- Derek who? Derek Jeter? - I'm dating Derek Jeter? - Well, you were.
He's trying to win you back.
Why am I telling you this? He can have me back.
I'll just put these in your office.
I'm a managing editor? I'm rich.
And I'm dating Derek Jeter.
It's great to be Betty Suarez.
It seems like everyone is doing great.
Daniel.
It's so good to see you.
Why? You got some bad news to deliver? Don't like what I'm wearing? Hmm? Found some new way to humiliate me? What? What are you talking about? You may have everyone else around here fooled but I know the real you.
Underneath that perfect smile, you're ugly, Betty.
Everything seemed so perfect.
Why does Daniel hate me? We've been through so much together.
I was his assistant for three years.
Nope.
You weren't.
Daniel's dad hired a plain Jane who wouldn't tempt his son.
And without your braces, that wasn't you.
So Bradford never hired me? Well, then how'd I end up at Mode? I'm really nervous.
Are you interviewing here, too? Yes.
I've always wanted to work in fashion.
I like your poncho.
Milan, Dolce & Gabbana, fall.
Marc, pull everything we have on Fabia Cosmetics.
I want to thoroughly humiliate Daniel at his first meeting tomorrow morning.
- Is that a bug in your teeth? - Oh, God.
I think it's a poppy seed from that bagel I ate.
You ate a bagel? My, what a beautiful, clean smile you have.
Thank you.
Marc, you've just been demoted to receptionist.
Pretty Teeth, follow me.
So I was Wilhelmina's assistant? How would that work? I mean, we're completely different.
Well, maybe at first, but you were a quick study.
No, awful.
No.
Should have been fired.
Hideous, and no.
Beth, do you understand why I can't even look at you right now? Don't answer.
Betty, tell her.
Um There isn't much flow from one look to another.
Betty, are you a fashion person or not? Tell her about the color.
Wilhelmina specifically asked you for red.
What did you bring us? No, not red, but burgundy, candy apple, scarlet, wine, crimson, blush, vermilion, puce, maroon.
Honestly, Beth, maroon? Don't stop, Betty.
The only true red in this room is your face.
Betty, you are officially my favorite person.
Oh, my God, I'm awful.
Beth can't help her red face, she has rosacea.
Maybe I was just having a bad day? Actually, that was a good day.
Yeah, you're kind of a beotch.
I've been trying to tell you.
Betty.
Mother Meade.
Look at you, braving the sunlight as if it won't burn your flesh.
Clever.
I'm a vampire.
Well, excuse me if I don't suck your blood.
It's a little early to consume that much booze.
Everything is so screwed up.
Claire and Daniel hate me, Wilhelmina and Marc love me.
Oh, Marc doesn't love you.
What? He couldn't have been nicer.
Well, to your face.
Honey, that's 'cause he's terrified of you.
Look.
It's like it's her life's mission to make sure I never get promoted.
I hate her.
I hate her and her stupid, beautiful teeth.
He hates me.
Well, it's not like he was that crazy about you in your other life.
Well, what about my family? They seemed happy.
Yeah, about that Betty.
Hi.
Betty, I need to talk to you.
This is really hard for me, but you can't be my maid of honor.
I mean, it's my big day and I just want to be the center of attention for once.
Do you hate me? No.
No, of course not.
I mean, if this is what you and Bobby want.
Bobby? Who's Bobby? Talercio.
Your fiancé.
That guy I had a crush on in high school? Come on, don't tease me.
I'm lucky I found a guy like Abundio.
Abundio? You're marrying the meat man? - Isn't he, like, 70? - He's 61.
- Well, how does Justin feel about this? - Justin? Who is Justin? Your son.
What is with you today, Betty? Huh? I mean, you're my sister and I look up to you, but why do you always have to make me feel bad? Hilda.
Hilda.
Hilda.
Why doesn't she know about Justin? Well, being the ugly sister is a highly effective method of birth control.
Thanks to your perfect smile, Justin never existed.
Ooh, spooky.
- You really are a monster.
- What? The Million Dollar Bra shoot.
Like you don't know.
Daniel, wait.
The bra shoot? That's today? Yeah, it's today.
Or it was until you sabotaged it.
No.
No, I didn't sabotage it.
The head publicist changed the bra's schedule on you.
How did you know that? I didn't.
Look, Daniel, I can fix this.
I know Eve's assistant, Alison.
I can get her to help us.
Just give it a rest.
How dumb do you think I am, Betty? I don't think that you're dumb.
And I don't know what I did to make you hate me.
But I can assure you, we are on the same team.
And the last thing I am is a liar.
Oh, yeah? I can't believe I ever slept with you, Betty.
Frankly, I can't believe you slept with him either.
Betty, darling, what are you up to? Are you changing the plan on me? Which plan? I'm sorry.
We have so many plans together.
The ruin the bra shootlhumiliate Daniel plan.
Oh.
So, I am sabotaging Daniel? No, we're sabotaging Daniel.
Unless you're going rogue on me.
Betty, we're in this together.
So, just stick with the plan, and by this time next week, you and I will be co-editors in chief of Mode.
I don't believe that I'm in cahoots with Wilhelmina.
How could having perfect teeth change me this much? Well, let me break it down for you, B- Bomb, all right? Having braces is hard, right? People make fun of you and it hurts your feelings, which made you compassionate.
Pretty teeth Betty? People fawned all over her and it went to her head.
What are you gonna do? Betty? Amanda! Hey, Betty, do you mind? Yes, I mind.
You're in my office.
And you're married.
And this is the last place Daniel would ever step foot.
Which is why you let TyTy and I have our private time in here.
Did you want to saddle up? It's a big desk.
Ew! Ew! Hey, I never told Derek Jeter about your side action, so I expect you to keep your big, sexy mouth shut.
You eat lunch on that desk? So, Amanda is cheating on Daniel in my office? Yeah.
Well, Daniel's not exactly having a dry spell.
He's all over his assistant right now, in the copy room.
You want to see? No.
No, no, no.
I'm good.
- All right.
- So, they're both having affairs? Wipe the judgey off your face, Jeter Cheater.
Betty.
Thank God.
I need $40,000.
- Or I'm a dead man.
- What? My bookie says if I don't cough up Bookie? You lost 40 grand gambling? You know I've had this mono on my back since we struck it rich.
You gonna give me the cheddar or not? Papi.
It's not like I walk around carrying thousands of - dollars in my purse.
- There it is.
Come to Papi.
My God.
You're a good girl, mija.
Where would I be without you? - You have to stop doing that.
Okay? - Sorry.
This is terrible.
It can't stay this way.
It has to change.
I have to change it back.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna start with Daniel.
- All right.
- I'm gonna go to the Guggenheim.
- I'm gonna talk to Eve.
- Okay.
And I'm gonna get him the Million Dollar Bra back.
Good, change.
But maybe think about keeping the hair.
I love the hair.
So, you see, if you could just please find a teeny tiny teensy bit more time for us to shoot the bra, then we all win.
We will all be happy.
All I heard was blah blah, shrill, blah blah, whine, blah blah, beg.
And now I'm hungry for Mexican food.
Alison, get me some tacos! I'm so sorry.
There is a little problem with the bra.
It seems to be missing.
Okay, I am furious.
Alison, go punch yourself in the neck.
Officer! Officer, what the hell is going on? Officer! Excuse me.
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Wilhelmina.
Slacking off on the elliptical, darling? The bra.
What are you doing? I'm protecting my interest.
The moment I heard you speaking to Daniel, I knew you were gonna stab me in the back.
First I was hurt, but then I realized of course you'd double-cross me.
You're Betty.
Help.
Security.
She's stealing the bra! What? No, I'm not.
I'm not! You're a good girl, mija.
Justin? You sabotaged me.
I want my old life back.
Betty? Hey.
Are you okay? Daniel? Whoa.
Hey, hey, take it easy, take it easy.
I can see.
- Yeah.
- No, no, you don't understand, I My braces.
They're back.
I got my wish.
Okay, maybe we should get you to the hospital.
No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Where's the bra? Is it still here? Yeah, but they're about to take it to the airport.
No, there's still time.
We have to find Eve.
A- Bomb! No, no, no, hey, no, it's a nickname.
- It's okay.
It's all right.
Come on.
- Jeez.
Come on, B-Bomb.
Eve's right over here.
- Thank you so much for this.
- No problem.
Hey, weren't you supposed to get your braces off today? Yeah, change of plans.
Drag.
I know how much you hate those things.
Well, aside from not being able to eat corn on the cob, which I love, it's not so bad.
- Where's the bra? - It's supposed to be here.
Well, it's not.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
Not this time.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sorry, sorry.
Excuse me.
Wilhelmina.
A little extra cardio wouldn't hurt, darling.
- The bra.
Give it to me.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not gonna let you take it this time.
What the hell? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
I thought that That you were Like before when I hit my head.
I don't know, like, maybe I have a concussion or No, no, no, no, no, don't pull it.
I'm stuck.
What is going on here? I'll tell you what's going on.
Betty is a breast man.
I am not a breast man.
My braces are stuck to the bra.
She ripped my shirt clean off.
I'm standing here with nothing but a bustier on.
It's humiliating.
No, it's genius.
You're bringing back underwear as outerwear.
Yes.
That's what I'm doing.
It's a celebration of the brassiere.
Whoo! Hey, Betty.
Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from the bra.
Sir, what don't you understand? My braces are stuck to the bra.
Well, that bra has to be on a plane to Cairo within the hour, whether you're attached to it or not.
Look, you're not shipping my junior features editor to Cairo.
Yeah, there is one person who can resolve this and it's Eve.
We have to find Eve.
It's all about Eve.
Eve.
Eve! Don't go.
You gotta give us more time to shoot the bra.
Yeah, we can charter a plane to get it to Cairo.
Look, if you can please just look beyond this predicament and look into your heart.
That was unexpected.
And a little painful.
Well, since you've cheered me up, I will allow you to have the bra for two hours.
- Yes! - Not a minute longer.
Thank you.
Yay, we did it! We just need to get your braces off that thing.
- Is there an orthodontist here? - Yeah, that's likely.
Me, that's me.
Excuse me.
I got it.
Dr.
Frankel? Okay, here we go.
Uh-oh.
- It's more complicated than I thought.
- Oh, no.
I can't tell where the bra ends and the braces begin.
We're gonna have to just cut the bra apart, then.
- For God's sake, cut Betty apart.
- That bra's worth more than her life.
Well, the only other choice I have is to remove your braces.
- Now? Like right now? Now.
In front of everybody? - Do it.
- All right, let's do it.
Okay.
Hold your mouth right there.
- They're gone? - They're off.
What? Why are you looking at me like that? - Is something wrong? - No, it looks Betty, you look great.
Yes, yes, congratulations, Betty.
Your smile will no longer induce seizures in children.
Now, can we get this show on the road, please? Beautiful.
- Hey.
How do your teeth feel? - Weird.
Fine.
Naked.
- Yeah.
- So, I have to get home.
My family is planning something for me to celebrate.
Amanda, hey.
Can we talk? About us? Well, you were pretty clear before.
Well, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't have a right to say that.
You can date whoever you want.
That's what "casual" means, right? That's Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So, all of those things going wrong, that wasn't you, was it? Part of your plot to take over the company? Making Daniel look bad? Daniel can do that all by himself.
No, Marc, this shoot is an A cup.
My plan for the Meades, double D.
Hey, did I tell you my brilliant idea? Million Dollar Thong.
What's with the face? You don't think it'd be comfortable? I saw you hugging Daniel.
Oh, cute.
You're jealous.
Actually, Daniel and I just had a really great talk.
And he kind of gave us his blessing.
Wow.
So Daniel Meade gave us his blessing.
How generous of him.
Okay, jealousy slightly less cute.
No, I'm just saying that the guy barely talks to me and now he thinks that I need his permission to date you? Yeah, I think you guys still have some issues to work out.
And you know what? So do I.
So, why don't we take a little time out and we can all work on our own stuff for now.
Tyler? I don't believe we've officially met.
I'm Wilhelmina Slater.
Looks like you could use a drink.
Yeah, I could.
But I don't drink.
- Okay, ready? - Yes.
Surprise! Surprise! Yummy.
Isn't that sweet? - So sweet.
- Can you get that, please? - Yeah.
- Thank you.
Let's see.
Perfect.
Okay, here.
Now you can ruin your perfect teeth.