Buffy the Vampire Slayer s04e18 Episode Script

Previously on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": Remove your clothing now.
Relationship.
What kind do we have, and what is it progressing toward? They don't even know I exist.
I just like having something that's just, you know, mine.
I am, you know.
What? Yours.
OK, you get Fang, I'll get Horny.
I mean Vampire-demon tag team.
Who says we can't all get along? - I don't recall ever seeing that before.
- Cos it never happens.
Vamps hate demons.
It's like stripes and polka dots.
Major clashing.
- So, I guess we should tell Giles about this.
- Right.
I mean, it's the kind ofthing he'd wanna know about.
- Like as soon as possible.
- As soon as possible.
I mean it now.
First thing in the morning, we go tell Giles.
First thing.
Good plan.
Aw, come on.
Big party at Riley's house.
It's gonna be fun.
- Why don't you wanna go? - You know why not.
Those lnitiative men make me not comfortable.
And you don't care.
They don't know you're an ex-demon.
And we don't know they'd care even ifthey did know.
Which they're not gonna find out.
Anyway, they'll be too busy flirtin' with girls to notice you.
So, you don't think I'm desirable enough to be flirted with? - Is that it? - I'm just not gonna win here, am l? - You don't find me attractive any more.
- What? I think you're gorgeous.
Oh, really? Well, then, why didn't we have sex last night? Is that what this is about? We've gone other nights without sex.
I know.
Twice.
- I can't believe we're breaking up! - Breaking? We're not.
- Are we? - Of course we are.
You've obviously grown tired of me.
I've seen it happen to many women over the centuries.
I just never thought it would happen to me.
Anya, there's a lot more to you and me than the sex.
Well, there should be.
A relationship is something that you work at.
Work through.
Together.
I don't understand.
I'm pretty, I'm young.
I mean, why didn't you take advantage of me? - Is something wrong with your body? - There's nothing wrong with my body.
Well, there must be.
I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking about erectile dysfunction Whoa! Hey! All systems go here.
No function problem, OK? You want sex? Let's have sex.
Right here.
Hot, sweaty, big sex.
There's always been discordbetween them.
And yet you say the vampire went to the demon's aid.
The two ofthem were working as a team? Everything except patting each other on the behind.
Extraordinarily odd.
As a rule, demons have no empathy for any other species other than their own.
Most think of vampires as abominations.
Mixing with human blood and all.
- So what brought these two together? - Not what.
Who.
- Adam? - Think about it.
Who better to bring together demon types than someone made out of demon types? So he's bridging the gap between the races.
Huh.
Like Martin Luther King.
I suggest that over the next few nights you two concentrate your patrol in that same area.
Ifthere's any other peculiar pairings or groupings, you let me know.
I'll tell the squad as well.
They're patrolling.
We'll have a reserve unit out during the party.
- Party? - Tomorrow.
We're havin' a thing.
- At a time like this? Whose idea was that? - Mine.
The boys are pretty ragged.
Need to let off steam.
- Point taken.
- You're welcome to come.
Well, much as l, er, long for a good kegger, I have other plans.
- The Espresso Pump.
- What are you doing there? I'm It's a meeting of grown-ups.
It couldn't possibly be of any interest to you lot.
Buffy, hey, look at the time.
Don't you have a class? - Yeah, in about 20 minutes.
- Yeah, but I have that thing.
Right, that thing we could squeeze in before.
Bye.
They're probably going to Yes, thank you, Willow.
I did attend a university in the Mesozoic era.
I do remember what it's like.
- Didn't we fix the furnace? It's freezing.
- I'll call in the a.
m.
, get somebody to come.
When do these two come up for air? Slaves to the rhythm.
- It should've warmed up by now.
- I built this an hour ago.
It's still an icebox.
Don't bother, Mason.
We got a couple of heat generators pumpin' away upstairs.
Jesus! Call an ambulance! Get help! Oh.
It's you.
Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high.
Hey.
Yeah, I did.
I scared you.
- Give me money.
- I'm not paying you for scaring me.
- You're not paying me.
I'm robbing you.
- Oh, that's just ludicrous.
You can't hurt me - you got a chip in your brain.
And I like my money when it's mine.
Oh, now come on.
You're not even bumpy any more.
I was just a minute ago.
Hang on.
Get me mad again.
Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money? Yeah, it works.
Keeps me in blood and beers.
Plus it's funny, watching the little humans quail.
- Now I understand why you're friendless.
- Look who's talking.
I don't see Droopy Boy on your arm.
Did he have better things to do? You're kidding? Mason requested to go on patrol? He didn't want the girls to see his eyebrows burnt off.
He's lucky that's all he lost.
You should've seen it, Rye.
It was weird as hell.
How many kids? I don't know.
A whole herd of 'em.
And some parents to boot.
It's kind of embarrassing - welcome to the life with Anya.
- You don't know if she's coming tonight? - I'm thinking no.
She was pretty upset.
Which makes me wonder, is it me? Am I the crazy one? Uh-huh.
Absolutely.
Hey, Buffy, this might be a good time to mention that someone, so not me, spilled something purply on your peasant top, which I'd never borrow without asking.
- Still love me? - Uh-huh.
Huh? What about my peasant top? - Nothin'.
- Xander was just talking about Anya.
Oh, it's nothing much.
Just feeling glad that a certain ex-demon doesn't have any powers.
Boy, I miss those powers.
Yeah.
Tell me about it.
A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts.
Now I can barely hurt his feelings.
Things used to be so much simpler.
You know, you take the killing for granted.
And then it's gone, and you're like I wish I'd appreciated it more.
Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know? Yeah.
Now everything's complicated.
It's a terrible thing, love is.
I've been there myself.
- Ended badly.
- Of course it did.
It always does.
I've seen a thousand relationships.
First there's the love and sex.
Then there's nothing left but the vengeance.
It's how it works.
You and I should just go do the vengeance.
Both of us.
You eviscerate Xander and I'll stake Dru.
Like a project.
I don't know.
I just can't.
But you can go do Dru, though.
Yeah.
I will.
Maybe later.
See, the thing they're afraid to teach us about is the inherent sensuality of language.
You learn French and they make it all about conjugations and fronted vowels, but nobody really talks about you know, the way language tastes.
You know, the way it feels rolling over your tongue.
I mean, just think about "car" versus "voiture".
- Wow! - Are you all right? I'm fine! l Oh, my God! Wow.
Wow.
- You really like French.
- Yeah, well Lowell House.
1962.
Yes.
I'm just, you know, impressing you with my knowledge of local history.
Or my knowledge of reading.
And you didn't even have to sound anything out.
You should see me add short columns of small numbers.
You're funny.
Thanks.
That is, funny "how amusing", or funny "back away and avoid eye contact"? Kinda both.
- Who are you here with? - Right now I seem to be here with you.
Hey, can we? I need you to take a look at an essay for a class.
That essay.
Right.
Here.
I'll catch you guys in a minute.
There's an essay I gotta look at.
And I'm the one who got a D in covert ops.
- Hey, Evan, come here.
You gotta see this.
- I'm gettin' a beer.
No, no, no.
First, just put your hand right here.
OK.
Somehow this is a trick, I know it.
Now stay.
Don't move.
Whoa! What is that? I kinda feel God! Oh, God! Horses.
Like, big, tall, teeth-that-could-take-your-arm-off horses? Well, sure.
I learned to ride when I was a kid.
It's fun.
And, by the way, most horses don't like arm very much.
I had a bad birthday-party-pony thing when I was four.
I look at horses and I see really big ponies.
You should ride with me sometime.
I guarantee safety and fun.
Well, ifyou promise you'll look after me.
Don't touch me! That's disgusting! Tara? What's the matter? I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to - Are you feeling OK? - I'm fine.
I just wanna go to the bathroom.
Hey.
I know these guys from somewhere.
Initiative soldiers.
They live here.
Experiments happen under the house.
It's where they put in your chip.
Let's have fun! You brought me here? Anya? What are you doing? You brought him here? That's what I said.
Only I hit the "here" part.
Anya, we had a little fight.
Itjust means we have to work our way through some stuff.
It doesn't mean we rebound with the evil undead.
And what have you been doing with him, anyway? Who's the puffed-up manly man, all splotchy and possessive? It's not very convincing, is it? I see now what you said about him earlier.
No follow-through.
Hey! What a surprise.
Hostile 17! Can I get you a drink, Hostile 17? Xander, stop.
Well, may be some fun to be had in the lion's den after all.
You two keep scraping.
I'll find the liquor.
Anya, what are you doin' with him? We didn't have sex, ifthat's what you mean.
That's all I do now - not have sex.
You're overreacting.
We had a fight.
But see, it's OK.
It's normal.
Yes.
It's the normal part of ending a relationship, before the vengeance begins.
Right.
No! - Vengeance? - Relax, I'm not going to do it.
It's just that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis.
And now I don't even have that! So I get to say when it's done.
And it's done.
You know what? You don't deserve to be the one to walk away from this.
I've put up with a hell of a lot from you, much ofthat in the last minute, and if anyone gets to be the one to leave, it's me.
- You're leaving me? - Yes.
I am.
- Where are you going? - To enjoy the party.
Well, then, I'm staying too, to show you how much I'm not bothered by you having fun.
- Because I'll be having more fun.
- I'm having fun already.
Me too.
Whoo-hoo! Sometimes I just don't get the sophisticated college lifestyle.
Gee, it's a good thing Mom's out.
We'd be in trouble.
Hey, buddy.
You look familiar.
Yeah.
I get that a lot.
Hey, Xander.
Julie.
OK.
This, then, would be the kissing.
Very smooth cheek you have there.
Do you exfoliate? Whoa! Julie! What? I'm sorry.
I didn't I'm sorry.
Oh my God! Touch it! - I'm bad.
I'm bad.
- Hi.
You OK? Julie? I'm bad.
I'm bad.
I'm bad.
I'm bad.
I'm bad.
I'm bad.
Tara? It's me.
Tara? Tara? Was that Willow? I don't know.
Doesn't matter.
Hey, guys, that girl Julie, she's freakin' out.
Is anyone friends with Julie? Xander? Tara? Xander.
Ghost Boy.
Drowning in a tub.
I tried to save him, but, being a ghost already, well, I was way too late.
A ghost? What's the deal? ls every frat on this campus haunted? And if so, why do people keep coming to these parties? Cos it's not the snacks.
Tara, how are you? I'm OK, but I don't like it here.
This house.
I think we should go.
We need Buffy.
Buffy? Buffy? Riley? Buffy! Buffy! Buffy! - Do you wanna go back? - Never.
Buffy! Riley! Buffy! We gotta get 'em outta there.
Well, this party's starting to liven up after all.
Graham! Help get these people to safety! Touch not the impure thing.
For ye shall perish.
Find salvation in the cross of our Lord and Saviour.
Right.
Retinalscan accepted.
Anya.
Come on.
Please, God, help me! We got trouble upstairs.
Some sort of disembodied presence in the house.
We've been paging you.
This thing must be scrambling the frequencies.
Guard section 2, level 5 precautions.
Ifthe locking mechanisms malfunction, - you know what to do.
- Got it.
- You with me? - I'm good.
Let's lock it down.
- We have to go back in there.
- Why? Because Buffy and Riley are trapped.
So? She's the Slayer, he's a soldier boy.
What do they need you for? Anya, look around.
There's ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair.
We're fresh out of superpeople and somebody's gotta go back in there.
Now who's with me? I am.
I know I'm not the first choice for heroics.
And Buffy's tried to kill me more than once.
And I don't fancy a single one ofyou at all.
But Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing.
I wonder ifAsian House is open.
- Xander, let's get outta here.
- You wanna bail, fine.
I'm goin' in there and I'm not comin' out until I bring my friend with me.
Or it could be Watcher time.
We'll go to Giles.
He isn't there.
He was going to the Espresso Pump.
Right.
He told us not to come.
He needed some grown-up time.
No one knows what it's like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes No one knows what it's like To be hated Wow Could we go back to the haunted house? Because this is creeping me out.
Does he do this a lot? Sure.
Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
As my conscience seems to be I have hours Only lonely Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
Well, he is pretty good.
His voice is pleasant.
What? Oh, come on.
It is kinda sexy.
I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will.
No more fuel in the fire, please.
And I blame you You're you're too far away from me.
I'm right here.
You have to keep touching me.
When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out or respond in any way? No.
They're probably dead.
Unless they're too busy doin' it to answer.
Doing what? You know, for a god of acoustic rock, you're kind of naive.
I didn't think you meant In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up? - Oh, for a different phrasing.
- That's the thing.
People all over the party were starting to act weird.
Sexually.
In what way? You know.
Ways.
Well, it could be some form of succubi, or a satyr's prank.
It could even be energy coming from the lab beneath Lowell fraternity.
It wasn't always a fraternity.
Look.
Between 1949 and 1960, the Lowell Home for Children housed upwards of40 adolescents.
Runaways, delinquents, and emotionally disturbed teenagers from the Sunnydale area.
Children? Did any ofthem die in there? Ifthere were deaths, then perhaps we're dealing with a fairly standard haunting.
It doesn't say.
It's mostly about the old house director, Genevieve Holt.
Sunnydale children's aide.
giving disadvantaged kids the love and care they deserve.
When did she die? She didn't.
No, no, I don't mind at all.
I was up.
Early morning prayer, of course.
And I like talking about my kids.
I still call them that.
My kids.
I suppose you were just like a mother to them.
You did everything for them.
Oh, yes.
I fed them and clothed them.
Educated them in the way ofthe Lord.
- I was given a medal.
- Yes.
Wonderful.
Congratulations.
This'll sound a little strange, but did you notice any odd disturbances in the house? I don't understand.
Well, like furniture moving of its own accord, or objects appearing out of nowhere.
Or perhaps you saw someone appear one moment and then they were gone the next, inexplicably.
Why, that sounds like crazy talk.
Yes, it does, doesn't it? Forgive me for asking this, but the children in your care, were any ofthem ever ill, or did anything ever happen to any ofthem? Well, some had the flu and such.
No one died, ifthat's what you mean.
The medal says how good I was with the children.
Oh, yes.
I treated them as I would my own flesh and blood.
Gave them hugs and praise when they were good, and punished them when they were dirty.
Children will be children.
They do like to play in the muck.
- You didn't mean muddy dirty.
- My kids didn't think I knew, but I did.
Very perceptive ofyou.
Without me they would have been shut out ofthe Kingdom.
Lost to lust.
But you helped them.
The girls fell to vanity more than the boys.
I'd see them preening like Jezebel, doting over their pretty hair.
So you'd hack it off? I'd remove the temptation to admire themselves.
- They were better for it.
- What about the bathtub? I performed baptisms on the most unclean.
Those who were tainted with impure thought and deed.
You held them under.
They needed to be reborn.
- You choose to pass judgment on me? - Well, someone ought to! You traumatised and abused these children.
Children who would no doubt become extremely disturbed adults.
You have ruined lives, Mrs Holt.
What you did has now manifested itself as a malevolent presence which threatens more lives! You have a great deal to answer for.
I refuse to listen to this when I can smell the sin on each and every one ofyou.
Yeah? You smell sin? Let me tell you somethin', lady.
She who smelt it dealt it! It's like what you said, but faster.
This totally adds to my "old people are crazy" theorem.
Those kids were tortured but not killed, so where are those ghosts coming from? I don't believe there are any ghosts.
- One ran right through me.
- Not a ghost.
An apparition.
We're dealing with a kind of poltergeist.
A whole cluster ofthem.
Born out of intense adolescent emotion and sexual energy.
Both ofwhich were totally pent up during Mrs Holt's reign of repression.
So, with Buffy and Riley having acts of nakedness around the clock lately, maybe they set something free.
Like a big burstin' poltergasm.
Yes.
And now the poltergeists are drawing more and more energy out ofthem.
Feeding on them, in fact.
Buffy and Riley are powering this whole thing.
OK, they're the battery in the boo factory.
So what happens when the battery's drained? They die.
Don't stop.
Never stop touching me.
What good are weapons against disembodied spirits? - They have no ass to kick.
- She's right.
You should just stay outside.
We'll bind the spirits so you can get Riley and Buffy out.
- How much time are you buyin'? - Could be tricky.
We're calling upon the communal spirit of a certain time and place.
Let's go.
- What do you feel? - Sad.
Afraid of being without you.
And a little hungry.
- I meant about the house.
- Oh.
Still haunted.
Give me your hands.
Form a circle.
Children ofthe past, spirits of Lowell, be guided by our light.
Come forth and be known to us.
How will we know when it works? We'll know.
House is clean.
Let's go.
You first.
Need to work fast.
Never know how long before the munchkins get homesick.
Or the human battery conks out.
Watch your fingers.
We implore you, be still.
Find it in your hearts to leave our friends passage.
Transform your pain.
Release your past.
And get over it.
You OK? Find here the serenity you seek! The peace you - What's happened? - We lost them.
Xander.
Xander! Xander! Shut up, repressed cry-babies! Come on.
We just gotta Xander! We can make it through this.
Xander, get it off! Push.
Xander! Don't you knock? I can'tbelieve ithappened.
I just had no idea.
It's so creepy.
He was really singing? I'd say it was more like crooning.
Ifwe grow old together, remind me to skip the midlife crisis.
OK.
You have to admit, it was kinda sexy.
Please stop saying that.
I'm willing to offer cash incentives.
We're just lucky no one got injured.
- No thanks to us.
- Don't be too hard on yourself.
He's right, Will.
If Riley and I hadn't gotten so wrapped up in each other, - none ofthis would've happened.
- True.
Feel shame.
My girlfriend.
Mistress ofthe learning plateau.
Really, it wasn't your fault.
You were under the influence of powerful magics.
We were like zombies.
I had no control over myself at all.
Must've been horrible.
- Yeah.
Horrible.
- It was bad.