Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s04e18 Episode Script
You've Come a Long Way, Baby-Sitter
Window cleaner.
Uh "Cold cuts.
" "Paper towels.
" Ugh! "Oranges.
" Mustard.
Uh, mustard.
Mustard, mustard, mustard.
Don't we have any grey poupon? You may have heard of grocery stores.
They work in much the same way, but when you're finished, they take money from you.
Doogie, this post card might interest you.
It's from Rachel Wilson.
She'll be in town and would love to see you.
Honey, your babysitter's here.
Mom, I don't need a babysitter.
Doogie, say hello to Rachel.
Hi, doogie.
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah I'm Rachel.
We're going to have lots of fun tonight.
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Doogie? Doogie? Doogie? You do remember Rachel, don't you? Sorta.
We're with Nathan Gage, writer, director, and star of metroland's $20 million remake of the three musketeers Three men and a mission.
Thanks for joining us, Nathan.
Oh, it's a pleasure, Ted.
His old man was a plumber.
You got your big break by ambushing Clint Eastwood.
I crashed his inauguration party when he was made mayor of carmel.
I dressed as a waiter and served him a copy of my script along with the spring rolls.
What chutzpa! I love this guy.
The guy used to dig pools for a living.
He knew what it was like to be outside looking in.
He read my script, talked about it for a half hour.
Some may say I acted out of desperation.
I say it was basic enterprise.
It sure worked for you.
We'll be right back with Daryl Hannah right after these messages.
You know what's missing in my life, doog? Not talent.
Not intellect.
Opportunity! If I could just meet a guy like that, who's come up from nothing.
Imagine if I got on the bus and Nathan Gage was right there! We'd trade stories about our dads.
I'd give him my script.
My life would change forever.
He'd see how enthusiastic I was.
Everything would take off from there.
How do I find an opportunity like that? You don't find opportunities like that.
You make them.
That's his whole point.
I'm just going to have to prove to Nathan Gage I can be as gutsy as he can.
Excuse me, doog, but you could sterilize instruments in that mouth by now.
Good, because the most beautiful woman I have ever known is about to come up in that elevator.
Who? My old babysitter Rachel Wilson, my greatest prepubescent passion.
Yeah, well, don't get your hopes up, doog.
Isn't there something else you could be doing now? Yeah, having a rendezvous with destiny.
Don't be surprised if the next time you see me, I'm driving Nathan Gage's range rover to the car wash.
Doogie, Rachel's here.
Doogie, my god! Look how you've changed! Rachel, my god.
Look how you haven't.
Hi.
I'm not gonna try any con, because I'm sure you've heard them all.
My name is Vincent delpino, I'm a film student.
I want to give a script to Nathan Gage.
Just wanna drop it off and leave.
I know you realize this is important to me, because I'm sure at one time you had ambitions beyond being a security guard.
So what do you say? Thanks very much.
On with the show.
It was one of those whirlwind romances.
Everybody told me I was moving too fast, but I didn't listen.
How long were you married? Eight months.
Yeah.
It was devastating at the time.
I've moved on to simple embarrassment.
I guess I'm getting over it.
I thought Andrew was the one.
Now I don't know what I think.
You interested in a cliche? As long as it's not "time heals all wounds.
" No.
Per ardua ad astra.
Oh, a Latin cliche.
Through hardship to the stars.
Oh, a doctor's mind but a poet's heart.
It's so weird that you're a doctor.
I can still see you playing with your toy cars, trying to get me crawl around on the floor with you.
Will you make that little car sound? - No.
- Come on.
No.
No.
- Rachel.
- That's how you sounded when you didn't want to go to bed.
I am not ten years old anymore.
You're always gonna be little doogie to me.
- Hey! - Doctor I'd like you to meet a very good friend.
- This is Rachel Wilson.
- Hi.
I used to be doogie's babysitter.
No kidding.
Did you change his diapers? I was ten years old.
When I was ten, I was hopelessly in love with my babysitter.
I used to try and get her to play cards with me on the floor, hoping that she would bend over, and I would peek down Thank you.
That's a very sweet story.
- Hey, curly.
- Hmm? Say hello to doogie's old baby sitter, Rachel.
- Hi, Rachel.
- Hi.
I used to babysit for this kid, Tommy elkins.
What a monster.
He used to make me push his toy train around the tracks for hours, just so he can look down my What is this voyeuristic fixation? This staff has a one-track mind.
Maybe some ten-year-old boys just wanted to play cars.
Whoops.
He did it, too.
Yeah.
- Sixteen-year-old male.
- What happened? He was on a construction site and fell three stories to concrete.
Probable skull fracture, possible spine fracture.
He's in full arrest.
Move him over here stat.
- Ready over here.
- Call a crash cart.
Watch his lines.
Ready? One, two, three, go.
- There we go.
Easy.
- Get this out of here.
All right.
Get .
5 milligrams epi.
Get him intubated.
Give me a seven tube.
- And ringers? - Yes.
- Is the epi in? - Here they are.
- What do we got? - We've got a pulse.
Ready with the Lidocaine.
We've got some intracranial bleeding.
Get hold of the parents.
We'll need consent.
We may need burr holes.
Call the neuro resident stat.
Go.
Check the ecg leads.
- Something is loose.
- Got it.
Guess he's not our little doogie anymore.
Call X-ray.
We'll need three views of the c-spine, an ap chest and pelvis, and a ct scan of his head.
Let's go! Yeah, hi.
Delpino plumbing.
I got a call about blocked drains on stage 19.
I didn't get a call about blocked drains.
The guy said he was up to his ankles in muck.
I don't think his first priority probably wasn't calling the guard gate.
Hey, you think I'm dying to up there and ram my arms up to the elbows in all that unsavory flotsam? Pull to the side, please.
I'll call.
O.
K.
I don't have time for this.
Want to back it up there? I just have to call.
We're in a recession.
Time is money.
Yeah, you! Come on! Back it up! Oh, yeah, Mr.
big deal in the Mercedes.
Would you help me, please? You won't let me in, won't let me out.
What's it going to be? O.
K.
, o.
K.
Building 19.
First right.
Thank you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can I help you? I know where I'm going.
Thanks.
Closed set.
Any idiot could see that.
The sign right there says it all.
Who are you? Who am I? I'm from another production, one with an open set Open to anyone, actually, and, um, I just came down to see how your system works, and, frankly, I find it a little punitive, but that's out of my hands.
You know what? I better go back where I belong.
Thanks.
We need the musketeers on the set.
There it is.
The fourth star on the right.
It's in the constellation eridanus.
Take a look.
Oh, wow! That's mine? Yeah.
That star is officially registered as star Rachel Ellen Wilson.
It's been that way since September 12, 1984.
Corny, huh? Well, yeah, but great corny.
I was going to give that to you for your birthday, but you moved away, and I never saw you again.
So happy birthday.
Wow! My own little slice of immortality.
Oh, it's a great gift.
I remember I used to sit at my bedroom window and look at that star and wonder where you were.
Guess I had a crush on you.
I know.
Doogie, a genius premed student doesn't really think there's monsters under his bed.
I think you just wanted me to lie down with you.
I I found something else at my mom's house.
Uh, it's a little blast from the past, as they say.
Oh, my god.
Remember how you taught me to dance to this? Over and over and over.
This time, I'll lead.
So long I've been lookin' too hard I've been waiting too long sometimes I don't know what I will find I only know it's a matter of time when you love someone when you love someone it feels so right so warm and true I need to know if you feel it, too maybe I'm wrong When you were little I used to think, "this boy is going to grow up to be a fine man.
" Were you right? Yes, I was.
I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life I've been waiting for a girl like you your lovin' will survive Oh, god.
Oh, god.
This is great.
This is like a dream come true.
This isa dream come true Nine years in the making.
I want you to know how much I appreciate this.
This is how good a woman's hair smells.
These are the hairs I learned from, and your skin And your mouth and your eyes.
Everything I believe to be beautiful about women, I first saw in you.
So I'm your perfect woman? Oh, yes, yes.
Yes, you are.
You really have me on a pedestal.
Oh, way up there.
I think we should stop.
Why? If we go any further, I won't be your fantasy anymore.
Let me learn to live with that.
It's a struggle, but I can do it.
I'm not stopping for you.
I'm stopping for me.
Doogie, I had a cold dose of reality in my marriage.
I could really use a little illusion right now.
I know that anything that happened between us would be so wonderful, but there's nothing I could ever be that would be better than what you think I am at this moment.
to make me feel alive yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life You make one beautiful star.
You know any prayers, friend? I'll say one for you.
Ha ha! And cut! Psst! Psst! Excuse me, Mr.
Gage.
I'm not really a corpse.
My name is Vincent delpino, and I'm a film student at uni arts.
Jeff! I saw your interview on TV when you said you admire people with guts.
What could be guttier than this? I'll take care of this.
Please, sir.
I'm an artist to my soul.
Would you give me a break? Please read this.
It's called the black lizard.
Let's go, little musketeer.
Look, you've been through this.
You're the son of a plumber.
Hold it, Jeff.
We're all here because somebody gave us a break.
This kid's taken quite a risk.
That's my credo Art is risk.
If we don't surprise ourselves, how can we hope to surprise anyone else? O.
K.
I'll read your script.
Vincent delpino.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you so much.
I knew you'd understand.
Believe me, I do.
You shouldn't be here right now.
You're not an extra.
You're a writer.
Wow! Did you hear that? I'm not just anyone getting kicked off the set.
I'm a writer getting kicked off the set.
My number's on the cover.
Call me.
Call me.
I'll be back in five.
I'm not going to a major studio.
The studio system stifles creativity.
Drop me back at my plumbing truck.
I parked in Kevin costner's parking space.
The man betrayed me, doog.
Maybe some myths are better left unexplored At least that's what somebody told me.
Oh, god.
Turn it off.
Everybody on the set has been so terrific.
No, wait, wait.
Turn it up.
Are you sure? It'll make you more upset.
I couldn't be more upset.
It's your blood pressure.
It's a mistake to stick too closely to a script.
My philosophy is that art is risk, and if we can't surprise ourselves, how can we hope to surprise anybody else? I said that! Those are my words! I stood on that stage, and I said that to him.
The creep! Those are my words.
Settle down.
Actually, he's paying you quite a compliment.
Yeah, sure.
Sure.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, vin.
A very good friend has choreographed Well, that's true.
This man is a movie legend, and you articulated a philosophy of filmmaking for him.
I'd be thrilled.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You know something, doog, you're right.
It is kind of flattering.
I mean, amateurs borrow.
Professionals steal.
I've been stolen from by a consummate professional.
I'm in the business!
Uh "Cold cuts.
" "Paper towels.
" Ugh! "Oranges.
" Mustard.
Uh, mustard.
Mustard, mustard, mustard.
Don't we have any grey poupon? You may have heard of grocery stores.
They work in much the same way, but when you're finished, they take money from you.
Doogie, this post card might interest you.
It's from Rachel Wilson.
She'll be in town and would love to see you.
Honey, your babysitter's here.
Mom, I don't need a babysitter.
Doogie, say hello to Rachel.
Hi, doogie.
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah I'm Rachel.
We're going to have lots of fun tonight.
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Doogie? Doogie? Doogie? You do remember Rachel, don't you? Sorta.
We're with Nathan Gage, writer, director, and star of metroland's $20 million remake of the three musketeers Three men and a mission.
Thanks for joining us, Nathan.
Oh, it's a pleasure, Ted.
His old man was a plumber.
You got your big break by ambushing Clint Eastwood.
I crashed his inauguration party when he was made mayor of carmel.
I dressed as a waiter and served him a copy of my script along with the spring rolls.
What chutzpa! I love this guy.
The guy used to dig pools for a living.
He knew what it was like to be outside looking in.
He read my script, talked about it for a half hour.
Some may say I acted out of desperation.
I say it was basic enterprise.
It sure worked for you.
We'll be right back with Daryl Hannah right after these messages.
You know what's missing in my life, doog? Not talent.
Not intellect.
Opportunity! If I could just meet a guy like that, who's come up from nothing.
Imagine if I got on the bus and Nathan Gage was right there! We'd trade stories about our dads.
I'd give him my script.
My life would change forever.
He'd see how enthusiastic I was.
Everything would take off from there.
How do I find an opportunity like that? You don't find opportunities like that.
You make them.
That's his whole point.
I'm just going to have to prove to Nathan Gage I can be as gutsy as he can.
Excuse me, doog, but you could sterilize instruments in that mouth by now.
Good, because the most beautiful woman I have ever known is about to come up in that elevator.
Who? My old babysitter Rachel Wilson, my greatest prepubescent passion.
Yeah, well, don't get your hopes up, doog.
Isn't there something else you could be doing now? Yeah, having a rendezvous with destiny.
Don't be surprised if the next time you see me, I'm driving Nathan Gage's range rover to the car wash.
Doogie, Rachel's here.
Doogie, my god! Look how you've changed! Rachel, my god.
Look how you haven't.
Hi.
I'm not gonna try any con, because I'm sure you've heard them all.
My name is Vincent delpino, I'm a film student.
I want to give a script to Nathan Gage.
Just wanna drop it off and leave.
I know you realize this is important to me, because I'm sure at one time you had ambitions beyond being a security guard.
So what do you say? Thanks very much.
On with the show.
It was one of those whirlwind romances.
Everybody told me I was moving too fast, but I didn't listen.
How long were you married? Eight months.
Yeah.
It was devastating at the time.
I've moved on to simple embarrassment.
I guess I'm getting over it.
I thought Andrew was the one.
Now I don't know what I think.
You interested in a cliche? As long as it's not "time heals all wounds.
" No.
Per ardua ad astra.
Oh, a Latin cliche.
Through hardship to the stars.
Oh, a doctor's mind but a poet's heart.
It's so weird that you're a doctor.
I can still see you playing with your toy cars, trying to get me crawl around on the floor with you.
Will you make that little car sound? - No.
- Come on.
No.
No.
- Rachel.
- That's how you sounded when you didn't want to go to bed.
I am not ten years old anymore.
You're always gonna be little doogie to me.
- Hey! - Doctor I'd like you to meet a very good friend.
- This is Rachel Wilson.
- Hi.
I used to be doogie's babysitter.
No kidding.
Did you change his diapers? I was ten years old.
When I was ten, I was hopelessly in love with my babysitter.
I used to try and get her to play cards with me on the floor, hoping that she would bend over, and I would peek down Thank you.
That's a very sweet story.
- Hey, curly.
- Hmm? Say hello to doogie's old baby sitter, Rachel.
- Hi, Rachel.
- Hi.
I used to babysit for this kid, Tommy elkins.
What a monster.
He used to make me push his toy train around the tracks for hours, just so he can look down my What is this voyeuristic fixation? This staff has a one-track mind.
Maybe some ten-year-old boys just wanted to play cars.
Whoops.
He did it, too.
Yeah.
- Sixteen-year-old male.
- What happened? He was on a construction site and fell three stories to concrete.
Probable skull fracture, possible spine fracture.
He's in full arrest.
Move him over here stat.
- Ready over here.
- Call a crash cart.
Watch his lines.
Ready? One, two, three, go.
- There we go.
Easy.
- Get this out of here.
All right.
Get .
5 milligrams epi.
Get him intubated.
Give me a seven tube.
- And ringers? - Yes.
- Is the epi in? - Here they are.
- What do we got? - We've got a pulse.
Ready with the Lidocaine.
We've got some intracranial bleeding.
Get hold of the parents.
We'll need consent.
We may need burr holes.
Call the neuro resident stat.
Go.
Check the ecg leads.
- Something is loose.
- Got it.
Guess he's not our little doogie anymore.
Call X-ray.
We'll need three views of the c-spine, an ap chest and pelvis, and a ct scan of his head.
Let's go! Yeah, hi.
Delpino plumbing.
I got a call about blocked drains on stage 19.
I didn't get a call about blocked drains.
The guy said he was up to his ankles in muck.
I don't think his first priority probably wasn't calling the guard gate.
Hey, you think I'm dying to up there and ram my arms up to the elbows in all that unsavory flotsam? Pull to the side, please.
I'll call.
O.
K.
I don't have time for this.
Want to back it up there? I just have to call.
We're in a recession.
Time is money.
Yeah, you! Come on! Back it up! Oh, yeah, Mr.
big deal in the Mercedes.
Would you help me, please? You won't let me in, won't let me out.
What's it going to be? O.
K.
, o.
K.
Building 19.
First right.
Thank you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can I help you? I know where I'm going.
Thanks.
Closed set.
Any idiot could see that.
The sign right there says it all.
Who are you? Who am I? I'm from another production, one with an open set Open to anyone, actually, and, um, I just came down to see how your system works, and, frankly, I find it a little punitive, but that's out of my hands.
You know what? I better go back where I belong.
Thanks.
We need the musketeers on the set.
There it is.
The fourth star on the right.
It's in the constellation eridanus.
Take a look.
Oh, wow! That's mine? Yeah.
That star is officially registered as star Rachel Ellen Wilson.
It's been that way since September 12, 1984.
Corny, huh? Well, yeah, but great corny.
I was going to give that to you for your birthday, but you moved away, and I never saw you again.
So happy birthday.
Wow! My own little slice of immortality.
Oh, it's a great gift.
I remember I used to sit at my bedroom window and look at that star and wonder where you were.
Guess I had a crush on you.
I know.
Doogie, a genius premed student doesn't really think there's monsters under his bed.
I think you just wanted me to lie down with you.
I I found something else at my mom's house.
Uh, it's a little blast from the past, as they say.
Oh, my god.
Remember how you taught me to dance to this? Over and over and over.
This time, I'll lead.
So long I've been lookin' too hard I've been waiting too long sometimes I don't know what I will find I only know it's a matter of time when you love someone when you love someone it feels so right so warm and true I need to know if you feel it, too maybe I'm wrong When you were little I used to think, "this boy is going to grow up to be a fine man.
" Were you right? Yes, I was.
I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life I've been waiting for a girl like you your lovin' will survive Oh, god.
Oh, god.
This is great.
This is like a dream come true.
This isa dream come true Nine years in the making.
I want you to know how much I appreciate this.
This is how good a woman's hair smells.
These are the hairs I learned from, and your skin And your mouth and your eyes.
Everything I believe to be beautiful about women, I first saw in you.
So I'm your perfect woman? Oh, yes, yes.
Yes, you are.
You really have me on a pedestal.
Oh, way up there.
I think we should stop.
Why? If we go any further, I won't be your fantasy anymore.
Let me learn to live with that.
It's a struggle, but I can do it.
I'm not stopping for you.
I'm stopping for me.
Doogie, I had a cold dose of reality in my marriage.
I could really use a little illusion right now.
I know that anything that happened between us would be so wonderful, but there's nothing I could ever be that would be better than what you think I am at this moment.
to make me feel alive yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life You make one beautiful star.
You know any prayers, friend? I'll say one for you.
Ha ha! And cut! Psst! Psst! Excuse me, Mr.
Gage.
I'm not really a corpse.
My name is Vincent delpino, and I'm a film student at uni arts.
Jeff! I saw your interview on TV when you said you admire people with guts.
What could be guttier than this? I'll take care of this.
Please, sir.
I'm an artist to my soul.
Would you give me a break? Please read this.
It's called the black lizard.
Let's go, little musketeer.
Look, you've been through this.
You're the son of a plumber.
Hold it, Jeff.
We're all here because somebody gave us a break.
This kid's taken quite a risk.
That's my credo Art is risk.
If we don't surprise ourselves, how can we hope to surprise anyone else? O.
K.
I'll read your script.
Vincent delpino.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you so much.
I knew you'd understand.
Believe me, I do.
You shouldn't be here right now.
You're not an extra.
You're a writer.
Wow! Did you hear that? I'm not just anyone getting kicked off the set.
I'm a writer getting kicked off the set.
My number's on the cover.
Call me.
Call me.
I'll be back in five.
I'm not going to a major studio.
The studio system stifles creativity.
Drop me back at my plumbing truck.
I parked in Kevin costner's parking space.
The man betrayed me, doog.
Maybe some myths are better left unexplored At least that's what somebody told me.
Oh, god.
Turn it off.
Everybody on the set has been so terrific.
No, wait, wait.
Turn it up.
Are you sure? It'll make you more upset.
I couldn't be more upset.
It's your blood pressure.
It's a mistake to stick too closely to a script.
My philosophy is that art is risk, and if we can't surprise ourselves, how can we hope to surprise anybody else? I said that! Those are my words! I stood on that stage, and I said that to him.
The creep! Those are my words.
Settle down.
Actually, he's paying you quite a compliment.
Yeah, sure.
Sure.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, vin.
A very good friend has choreographed Well, that's true.
This man is a movie legend, and you articulated a philosophy of filmmaking for him.
I'd be thrilled.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You know something, doog, you're right.
It is kind of flattering.
I mean, amateurs borrow.
Professionals steal.
I've been stolen from by a consummate professional.
I'm in the business!