Gossip Girl s04e18 Episode Script
The Kids Stay in the Picture
GOSSIP GIRL: Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
The Archibald charm wasn't as rusty as you thought unlike the knife in my back.
I like Raina, all right? And she likes me.
Because of your father, my wife is dead.
No one knows the truth, not even Raina.
We kept us a secret because we were afraid there was something more.
- Go back to Brooklyn.
- Not until I know there is nothing between us.
- The only mistake was mine when I forged Serena's signature.
He signs over the company now or you're going to jail.
But not because of you or anyone else.
I called the DA 10 minutes ago.
Once I go on record with the truth, no one can hold this against us anymore.
I don't think Lily quite realizes what she's in for.
Time to circle the wagons, Rufus.
WOMAN: Where has she been? GOSSIP GIRL: And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
XOXO Gossip Girl.
[CHATTERING.]
The van der Woodsen family is no stranger to the tabloids.
But this time, it appears the mother of all scandals surrounds the mother.
Lily Humphrey could be facing up to 10 years in prison for forgery and obstruction of justice.
Turn that off.
And leave me alone, Dorota.
I've taken to my bed.
I thought hearing someone has life worse than yours would help.
Well, your job isn't to think, it's to serve.
If I need your help, I'll ring the bell.
[BELL RINGING.]
[SIGHS.]
REPORTER [ON RADIO.]
: Will Lily Humphrey end up behind bars? The society queen allegedly forged her daughter's signature on an affidavit that sent an innocent man to jail for almost three years.
The victim, Ben Donovan, has been cleared of all charges.
But it's unlikely Lily Humphrey will be so lucky.
She's holed up in her penthouse apartment while her lawyers scramble to work out a deal We are currently outside of the I didn't realize you'd stayed.
Good morning to you too.
You okay? It's surreal.
Everything happening to Lily is because of my dad and I kind of feel like it's all my fault.
Look, it probably would've happened sooner or later anyway.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Your dad's been calling all morning.
Hello.
I already told you my answer.
What do you mean everything could change? Oddsmakers around town are taking bets on the length of her prison sentence.
Hey, Miss van der Woodsen, has your mother heard any news? [PHONE RINGS.]
SERENA [OVER PHONE.]
: Hey, Chuck.
- How's Lily holding up? I'm here now.
Aren't you coming for brunch? Lily thought it would be complicated enough without me.
My grandmother, stepfather, my father, who was last seen fleeing the police? Complicated is an understatement.
How are things with William? If I cut everyone out of my life who made a mistake, no one would be left.
On the topic of mistakes, do you know one I might have made to cause Blair to cut me off? - You didn't talk after your party? CHUCK: She wouldn't let me in her room.
When she said she didn't wanna talk to me I didn't think she meant "ever again.
" She's not seeing someone, is she? Not unless you count Dorota.
She's hasn't left her bed in a week.
She's pulling a Camille? Why? I think her powerful-woman path hit a roadblock.
That's important to her.
Thanks for the heads-up.
Give Lily my love.
I will, bye.
Come on, Lil, reading this is not going to make things any easier.
Sometimes it's better to know what's out there, deal with it move on.
Lily and I were talking about moving on.
What was the topic of that conversation? Oh, yeah, you.
I'm not going anywhere till I know my children are taken care of in the event that Lily can't do so.
She's not dying, Will, no thanks to you.
Eric and Serena already have a father.
Stepfather.
It's not the same.
CECE: Please be gentlemen, you two.
We're all here for Lily.
Oh, darling oh, you look lovely in your mug shot.
It was smart to turn yourself in so your hair was done.
Yes, Mother, that's why I did it.
Ahem.
Well, fortunately, in a few short hours I will be immortalized in a much more dignified fashion.
The Taschen book, that's, uh, today? It certainly is.
Modern Royalty.
I just love the title.
- Hey, Mom, Dad.
- Hey, hi, sweetheart.
Serena, darling, we were just talking about the portrait.
How can you do a book on modern royalty without me and my girls? All of my girls.
What is that supposed to mean? Listen, thank you for letting me hide out here.
I just needed a time out from my mom, my grandma and my dad and your dad.
Yeah, I mean, of course, my house is your safe house.
I'm surprised Serena didn't call and ask you to be backup.
She did, but I figured I'd dodge that war.
Hey, does William Carlos Williams go under W or C? Hmm.
First time I've ever seen you pass up a chance to save Serena.
And you're alphabetizing? What's up? [DAN SIGHS.]
You swear not to tell anyone, or laugh? Uh, I'll take your secret to my grave, but laughter is an uncontrollable bodily response.
[DAN SIGHS.]
I kissed Blair Waldorf.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wow.
I didn't see that coming.
Neither did I.
I mean, it was just once, and it was weird.
I would expect so, yes.
But weird, good? Like, "Wow, it's weird, this is such a good kiss.
" Or weird, bad? Like, you know, just, "Wow, weird.
" Uh, she didn't give you any indication at the time? No.
No, she just walked away stunned, left me standing there in her foyer.
- Mysterious.
- I know, right? I did what I thought was polite, called her the next day.
It's been almost a week, haven't heard back.
Wait, wait.
Why do you care so much? Do you? Do you like her? What? No, no, no, I don't like her.
Of course not.
Not at all, I'm just curious.
And, you know, she I mean, she does smells nice.
Oh, you are ass-backwards crushing on Blair Waldorf.
[BELL RINGING.]
Take that away, Dorota.
I can't eat.
I only rang to tell you to call the doctor.
I think I have consumption.
Consumption not since 19th century.
- They have vaccine.
- Then I'm dying from malaise.
I know everything has gone wrong since you lost focus on work.
But Carmela on Sopranos didn't get big break till she was 40.
This isn't about work or time, Dorota.
It's about the truth.
Something happened recently that revealed my future.
I've been hiding ever since.
I don't want to deal with it.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Epperly.
What do you want? I'm styling photo shoots for New York portions of Taschen's book.
- I know all about it.
Serena's in it.
My assistant left to work for William and Kate's wedding photographer.
I could really use your help.
Me? After our previous experience? Aw, you're a natural fit for something like this.
What with your impeccable taste and masterful way of giving orders.
Um, it'll be hard to clear my schedule.
Meet me in an hour? I'll text you the address.
You're right, Dorota.
Maybe I should refocus on work.
Feelings and revelations will just have to wait.
She accepted the job, just like you knew she would.
But, uh, why go to these lengths, if I may ask? Someone told me something that made me want my own legacy not my father's.
I can't convince Blair of her place in it until she's feeling powerful again.
Well, I hope it works out for you.
Ever since I came back from Bali, I'm a sucker for romance.
I can't believe you asked Carol here without clearing it with me first.
What's to ask? You're her sister.
And besides, I knew you'd say no.
For a good reason, though.
Carol turned her back on Lily.
I would say there's blame on both sides.
But Rufus does make a point for once.
Having Carol here would be stressful for Lily.
SERENA: What could be more stressful? She hasn't walked through the door and you're at each other's throats.
I wouldn't recognize you guys if it were any other way.
Hi, sis.
I always knew your house of cards would collapse eventually but I never dreamed you'd actually wind up behind bars.
Huh? Ah, welcome, Carol.
And hey, Mom.
Darling.
And Lily's husbands.
- One and five.
- Five.
- And Serena.
- Hi, Aunt Carol, good to see you.
Your mom had long hair just like yours when she was crashing on tour buses before she was getting Brazilian Blowouts.
Right, Rufus? Love the loafers.
Are those Tod's? Carol, some of us actually grew up.
[PHONE RINGING.]
I'll get it.
So you're here for the Rhodes women portrait? Maybe you can help pick a theme.
I was thinking La Dolce Vita.
Does it have to be a movie? We could do Chicago.
You can play Roxie Hart, because she was in jail.
Ha, ha.
You think this photo's frivolous, but it's an important honor for our family.
I'm not the one who ruined this family's honor.
It wasn't your lawyer, it was someone from the book.
They canceled the portrait because of the scandal.
I'm sorry, Mom.
GOSSIP GIRL: Lily, looks like instead of being on the pages you're about to have the book thrown at you.
Do you mind hailing me a cab? Thank you.
Hey, Serena? Sorry, my family's not talking to the press.
Oh, well, then I guess I'm not either because technically, I am your family.
You're wondering how you could be related to someone so socially awkward.
Um - But I'm your cousin.
- Charlie? Oh, my God, Charlotte.
Oh, my gosh.
Your mom didn't tell me you're here.
That's because she doesn't know.
Um, can we go somewhere and talk? Yeah, of course, come on.
Boys, William may have a solution.
Imagine that.
- I know Benedikt Taschen.
- Of course you do.
I'd call him, see if I can get the ladies back in the book.
Eric, what do you say? Uh, l I think that Mom would really like that.
Fine.
Might as well try.
Great.
Thanks.
I think the last time I saw you I was six.
You met up with us in the Keys, on Claus' boat.
I think they call that a yacht.
Didn't it have an elevator in it? Which was enough to make your mom decide to never let you see us again.
She thinks your world's toxic.
If I'm exposed, I'll catch it.
We may not be perfect, but comparing us to the plague is a little extreme.
So you and your brother didn't both end up going to a mental institution? And your dad didn't give your mom fake cancer? And your mom didn't send an innocent man to prison just to get you back into private school? When you put it that way, we should be quarantined.
No.
I'm sorry.
That's my mom talking.
I've grown up so alone, that I I wanted to see what she's been hiding me from all these years.
Okay.
I'm not letting you go home until you spend a day with me.
Let me show you this world and you can decide what you think of it.
We'll start with Barneys and then work our way back to Intermix.
CAROL: I'm sorry, Lil.
I didn't realize how important this portrait was to you.
- What are you looking at? - I figured if I can't take a new photo I could distract myself with old ones, that's all.
Remember that? My God.
We were gonna audition to be Solid Gold Dancers.
Then we went looking for halter tops that looked like the girl in the "Cherry Pie" video.
And all we could find were these gold unitards.
Oh, how did our dance go? It was like - This is our audition.
- Right, right.
- Imagine, in halter tops.
Okay.
- No.
You know what, who needs Taschen when we can take our own family photo? But we need the unitards.
- Yes.
Okay.
- Let's go.
Let's go.
Yes.
Kate Orth is being shot with her six maiden nieces and Chuck Bass will be shot by himself.
All by himself? He has an uncle.
Nope.
Chuck Bass is representing his family all alone.
The Suttons are next.
They want to be shot with their English setters.
Those setters are better-Iooking than the Suttons.
They love each other anyway.
Proving that everyone has their soul mate.
Yeah.
Did you join a cult in Bali? I know you believe in true love too.
Well, I did recently have a moment of perspective myself but I didn't have to go to an ashram to have it.
- What happened? - I kissed someone.
It was truly a life-changing experience.
- Do tell.
- I just did.
That was it.
But the point is, that one kiss changed me.
Fut-the-wuck is she doing here? How dare you show your face here.
Well, hello to you too, Blair.
I'm a camera assistant.
The job was posted at NYU.
I didn't know Serena's family was coming until I arrived.
I'm not leaving.
[SIGHS.]
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God.
That dress is incredible.
It would look great on you.
Uh, yeah, except for it costs as much as all the stuff we got today put together.
I can't accept that.
Well, you can accept this.
It's a family heirloom so it's just as much yours as it is mine anyway.
Serena.
Thank you for everything.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe we found them.
You might be Upper East Side blue blood and I might be Florida bohemian but at bottom, the Rhodes sisters are still badasses from the valley.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Rufus.
Yeah, we found leg warmers.
- No, I'm not drunk.
Although - Yes.
Oh, that's wonderful, you're kidding.
Okay, we'll be right home.
- The photo shoot's back on.
- Oh.
Should we go buy something for everyone? Mom in a unitard.
Awesome.
- Ha, ha.
- I love it.
- Serena.
- Charlie? I can explain.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Hey, Chuck.
What are you doing here? May I come in? Yeah.
I've learned some information about my past that's making me reconsider my future.
My future with Blair.
However, my intel indicates that she's seeing someone else.
What's that gotta do with me? It could be someone at W.
Didn't you work there? Uh, yeah, for one day.
Did you notice her talking to anyone? Whoever she kissed seems to have had an effect.
"Life-changing" were the words she used.
A life-changing kiss might not be something you want to mess with.
What are you trying to say? With you, she was caught up in schemes and takedowns.
That's not really her.
She's intelligent, intuitive, you know.
She weeps when she watches Nights of Cabiria.
How do you know that? Uh, Serena told me.
But, listen, the point is, if Blair's happy maybe you should let her be.
You care more about Blair's happiness than I knew.
Thank you for your time.
Epperly? I found out who Blair kissed.
I'm going to need one more favor.
I've worked hard to keep you away from this world.
I didn't wanted you obsessed with clothes, clubbing and getting your picture taken.
- That's not fair.
Fair is irrelevant.
I'm your mother.
I make the rules.
You need to trust me.
I have never lied to you.
I want you to return everything that you bought and meet me back at my hotel.
Uh, necklace? For God's sake, it's a necklace, not a heroin needle.
We were just hanging out.
You bought her a thousand dollars worth of clothes.
That's obscene.
We are leaving.
I'm just here to say goodbye to Mother.
I just got your message.
I can't believe you won't come upstairs.
Carol, please.
Serena didn't mean any harm.
You and I were having fun together.
William and Rufus got the photo shoot.
At least stay for that.
You think it's okay for your kids to have superficial values, but I left this life to raise Charlie in the real world.
I am not letting you seduce her.
Great.
Then I hope you won't mind if I don't stay and watch you go.
- Hey, are you okay? - Oh, yes, I'm fine, sweetheart.
You don't have to come up.
Funny.
Wanting nothing to do with this superficial world hasn't deterred you from taking my money.
You got what you paid for, Mother.
I showed up, I was as supportive as I possibly could be and now I'm leaving.
I send you a check every month.
You will stay for this photo.
That wasn't part of the deal.
Now I'm going to my hotel to pack.
Charlie and I are gonna take the next plane out.
I got a call that I'm being included in the Modern Royalty book.
Hmm.
No offense, but why? None taken, because that was my first thought also.
I guess there's some coup d'état section for up-and-comers.
Yeah, that sounds totally made-up.
Um, Blair is working the photo shoot.
She called to confirm my mom's time.
Maybe she got you in? Why? To raise my social status so I'll be a suitable suitor? Actually, that sounds completely like her.
And you would usually find that repellent.
Except you don't because you like her.
Does Serena know? It was one kiss.
There's nothing to know, yet.
Just be careful [STAMMERING.]
And wear a nice suit.
I have to go.
Hello? Yeah, this is Eric.
What? No, I didn't know I was expected at the photo shoot.
- You're late.
- And you're glowing.
Why make me bring overnight bag, including La Perlas? Because I'm going to tell that certain someone my true feelings tonight.
If things go as I hope, I don't want to be in last year's Chantelle.
I don't think Dan Humphrey will know difference.
Dan Humphrey? What are you talking about? The reason you take to bed.
Shame from emotional affair with lowly boy.
It's Lonely Boy, and it wasn't an affair, just a kiss.
Which made me see how much I wished it was with Chuck.
Mr.
Chuck? But your power play go kaput.
Thank you for reminding me.
I wanted to realize my potential before joining forces with a powerful man.
But Chuck has matured past games and fatwas.
I believe we can build our futures together.
And if Chuck is destined to be my prince, why kiss any more toads? Humphrey more Labrador than toad.
Who cares what beast Dan Humphrey is? Chuck is on his way, I'm going to tell him I'm ready.
It's time.
GOSSIP GIRL: They say that fortune favors the bold.
Thanks.
Serena? Look, I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye.
But as much fun as I had, my mom is right.
She sacrificed a lot to raise me the way she thought was best.
I have to respect that.
Well, she may not have sacrificed as much as you think.
GOSSIP GIRL: But watch out for the boldface lies that come with fortune's favors.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
The book people told me I had to come down here ASAP.
Oh, are you Eric van der Woodsen? We need to start setting up for you and your sister.
And are you Dr.
Van der Woodsen? - No.
What's going on? - Uh, the revised portrait concept is William van der Woodsen and his children.
The whole point was to do this for my mom.
The point for Will is to do something for himself.
We have to fix this.
You find William.
I'll make sure that Lily's occupied.
And you, say absolutely nothing to anybody until I tell you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Been looking everywhere for you.
Your office said you were I needed some time to think.
About what? What'd your dad say? It wasn't my dad.
It was the people doing the Modern Royalty book.
They were calling for the same reason he was.
They want us in the book.
And you said no, of course.
Yes.
But then they asked if I didn't want to pose with my father why not take it with my mother? Oh.
Having to say it out loud this morning made me realize, if I'm estranged from my dad I really have no one.
Blair.
Hey.
Uh, I wanted to talk you but I see you got your hands full.
The Landsburys had too much licorice.
What? I'm here to get my photo taken.
Uh For the up-and-comers section? This isn't a shoot for a high-school yearbook.
There is no up-and-comers section and even if there were, let's face it, you still wouldn't make the cut.
Ha, ha.
Tell me you didn't do this to humiliate me.
What? No.
I don't even know what this is.
Epperly told me I was in this shoot.
You didn't have anything to do with that? No.
And I don't know why Epperly would Oh, God.
It's Chuck.
He knows.
Ah.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Aw, you are so beautiful.
Thank you for being here.
Of course.
We've been through so much together and I've let you down so many times and here you are.
Mom, don't start to cry right now.
You'll ruin your makeup.
Stop.
- What have you done with my daughter? - What are you talking about? Charlie never made it to the hotel.
She doesn't know the city.
She's out there somewhere on her own.
I knew it.
One day with you and she's run away.
Not a coincidence.
- Watch how you talk to my daughter.
- She didn't run away because of me.
She ran away because I told her the truth about you.
You go around acting like we're monsters yet you take money from Grandma every month.
Is that true? I'm sorry, Mom.
I overheard them earlier.
The only reason she came is because Grandma paid her to.
I'll call Charlie now and see if she'll tell me where she is.
Of course Mother paid you to be here.
I am so foolish to think that you would have come because you cared.
Lily This was all you? You had Epperly hire me call Dan and tell him he was - Up-and-comer? What's your problem? You're trying to humiliate him? I don't care about him.
I just wanted you to see he's not part of this world.
I know you kissed him.
So? You and I are not dating.
- And you kissed a lot of people.
- You're not supposed to kiss him.
He's Humdrum Humphrey.
Epperly told me it was life-changing.
Because it made me realize I wanted to be with you.
Dan and I both know it meant nothing.
Less than nothing.
Right? Yeah, that's right.
I was gonna tell you about it tonight.
But that would have been a huge mistake.
Dan Humphrey may not be royalty, but at least he's not a child.
Hey.
Lily in makeup yet? We know you switched the photo from Rhodes to van der Woodsen.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Sure you don't.
But let me tell you a picture with you and your kids doesn't make you look like a real father.
Back off, Rufus.
- There's no photo without my mom.
- Of course there isn't.
I wouldn't cut your mother out.
It's over, Will.
Just fix it before Lily finds out.
Find out about what? Finds out that, um That I am not happy with my hair.
- It's too flat.
- Mother, your hair is enormous.
- Ready for the van der Woodsen photo.
- It's the Rhodes photo, and we're here.
Hey, I couldn't find Charlie.
What's going on? - Tell them what you did.
- No, because I didn't do it.
Would everybody please take their places? Does anyone want to be in this picture? Or in this family? I do.
GOSSIP GIRL: Cinderella finally showed up at the ball.
Too bad it was canceled.
Thank God.
Are you all right? You had me worried sick.
- I'm fine.
- This is only supposed to be William van der Woodsen and his two children.
- What? Since when? - I'm sorry, Lily.
The book never reinstated you.
Will did this instead.
- Dad? - What's the point of telling the truth if you're not gonna believe me anyway? I'm gonna go get some air.
This looks like the dress Diana wore the day after she became princess.
It is.
I wanted you to wear it in the photo with me.
I had no idea I could just ask.
It's not too late.
You don't have to be powerful on your own first.
We can build our futures together.
The saddest part is that I'd come to the same conclusion.
But now that I know I'm ready, I realize you're not.
And I thought after everything you went through Prague, Eva, Russell that maybe you'd changed.
But who was I kidding? - Don't say that.
- You have years before you're capable of a real relationship.
If you ever will be.
I'm sorry, Chuck.
[GROANS.]
Lily, I did not sabotage the photo shoot.
I hope that you realize that.
Oh.
I'm not even sure I care if you did.
I mean, let's face it.
Me, CeCe and Carol all in the same room? - The night was doomed to be apocalyptic.
- Ha, ha.
But the fact that my rebel sister has been judging me all these years when she was taking money from my mother that's a whole new spin.
Remember when she moved to Maui, Dallas, and then downtown Detroit? [CHUCKLES.]
Anywhere your mother wouldn't go.
Now she lives on a houseboat.
And you live in a penthouse.
Yeah, for now.
And then it's the big house.
- Lily.
- Tonight was supposed to be a way to forget that.
Listen, nobody knows what your sentence will be.
And your family is here for you.
Even if they're screwed up and dance in silver leotards.
Ha-ha-ha.
Unitards.
And they were gold.
Thank you, William, you're right.
I just spoke to Julia Chaplin and found out that Benedikt Taschen was traveling and never got your message.
The photo was the editor's idea and William had nothing to do with it.
Well, if that's an apology, Rufus I accept.
Come on.
Let's, uh, go get our family and go home.
- I had no idea.
- I know.
- Nice suit, though.
- Ha, ha.
Thanks.
Uh, what did you want to talk to me about earlier? That kiss meant nothing to me, like it did to you.
- Oh.
Right.
- Social experiment gone wrong.
A princess kissing a Labrador.
I appreciate you not calling me a toad.
Uh, Blair, your prince is out there waiting for you.
It might not be me or Chuck, but he's out there.
Your princess is too.
If you're ready for her.
All the years all you did was lie to me.
I made some mistakes, but I was trying to protect you.
How? By secretly taking money? By making me feel horrible about who my relatives were? I'm not 8, Mom.
I'm 18.
I don't need to be protected.
I only wanted what was best for you.
You mean what's best for you.
Well, that ends tonight.
Charlie, don't.
[SIGHS.]
So epic betrayal by Mom aborted photo shoot, no place to sleep.
What would Serena van der Woodsen do? The salted caramel gelato at II Laboratorio can end wars.
CHARLOTTE: Take me there.
- Did someone say gelato? Blair, this is my cousin, Charlie Rhodes.
- Hi.
- The Blair? I'm honored.
And I'm craving vanilla pecan and a girls' night.
Let's get out of here.
Come on.
GOSSIP GIRL: Poor lost prince.
What's the point of having a kingdom if you have to reign alone? [SIGHS.]
Still no word on the sentencing? Uh, no, not yet.
Um Did you know that Martha Stewart taught crafts in prison? The flight's in a few hours.
I hope we hear by then.
And I hope that Charlie speaks to me on the plane.
Serena said they had a great girls' night.
Probably just what she needed in light of, you know your decades of massive hypocrisy.
Ahem.
[LILY CHUCKLES.]
I so wanted you to think I was different that I'd gotten out.
When you left L.
A.
, I had I had no one.
And then one day I was 24, living out of my car buying a pregnancy test at that drugstore up on Laurel.
Everything changed.
I did not want Mom's help but it wasn't about me anymore.
- Why didn't you tell me? - And have you find out I failed? After you rejected me and everything I stood for? No way.
I did not reject you.
All I ever wanted was your approval.
Well, you got it now.
Turning yourself in, not giving a damn what people think? That's my Lily.
[SIGHS.]
Will you come visit me in prison? I will smuggle you pot brownies.
[CAROL CHUCKLES AND LILY SIGHS.]
So have you thought about what you're going to say to your mom yet? I figured it would just kind of come to me in the moment.
- She's never gonna let me do it.
- What is this "let"? You're an adult.
You make your own decisions, and you say that you hope that she supports you.
I'm starting to realize why you're so scary to her.
[PHONE RINGING.]
- You wanna get that? - No.
So I know you don't want to hear from me but I had to share.
Dan Humphrey kissed Blair Waldorf.
You can confront them, they'll deny it.
But it's true.
I overheard them myself.
If I was lying just to mess with you, it wouldn't be as unbelievable as this.
I'm surprised Rufus is letting you man the brunch table.
He's very territorial about his waffles.
Your stepfather and I have come to an understanding.
Besides, he's out on a mission right now.
I am intrigued and proud of both of you.
I know you're making this work for my sake.
And here I thought you were doing it for me.
Hey, Mom.
[IN UNISON.]
Hi, sweetheart.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
How was the sleepover? It was good.
It was so good that, um, if it's okay with you, Aunt Lily, I'd like to stay.
In Serena's old room.
Catch up with the family, make up for lost time.
- I think that's great, Charlie.
- Charlie, that's a mistake.
What happened wasn't so long ago.
- You're not ready for this.
- I am.
Because of you, I know who I am.
And nothing's gonna change that.
And thanks for supporting me.
Why don't I show you your new room? My God, I suck at that.
You'll get better with practice.
What? She's gonna be fine.
We'll take good care of her.
You don't understand.
A few months ago she left college, because What's going on, Carol? Just promise me you will make sure someone watches her closely.
Okay? I promise.
Hey, you're awake.
I'm not sure if I ever fell asleep.
You, uh, still thinking about your mom? Yes but not for the reason you think.
My dad always said she never tried to contact us.
But I can't help but wonder since he lied about so much other stuff Maybe he lied about her too? You could find out for sure, you know.
You could look for her.
GOSSIP GIRL: Walking down the primrose path you risk finding hell instead of happily ever after.
Save me a waffle.
But first We have a surprise.
- You're socializing with my mother? - That is surprising.
Rufus has gathered the family, darling.
The whole family.
We are having a family photo.
Lily, I assume you know Laurie Simmons? [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Hi.
Uh, this is a family portrait, so I'm assuming you are Cousin Charlie? - Yeah, hi.
You're Dan.
- Yeah.
- How long are you gonna be here? - Um Depends, I guess.
Okay, I'm good to go if everyone else is.
CeCe, come on.
You're standing next to me.
Oh.
How about if I'm in the middle between you and William? All right.
[PHONE RINGING.]
RUFUS: Lily, you want me to? Oh, that's all right.
Just let it ring.
I want, uh, my family photo to capture this moment.
That's my Lily.
Okay, say cheese.
GOSSIP GIRL: As with any journey who you travel with can be more important than your destination.
BLAIR: Why does love have to be so hard, Dorota? All I ever wanted was a simple fairy tale.
Kate Middleton has it.
And I have much shinier hair.
Although she does have a better assortment of hats.
Don't despair, Miss Blair.
Destiny full of surprises.
GOSSIP GIRL: You never know who you'll encounter along the way.
Who knows? Maybe fairy tales come true after all.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.
[English - US - SDH.]
The Archibald charm wasn't as rusty as you thought unlike the knife in my back.
I like Raina, all right? And she likes me.
Because of your father, my wife is dead.
No one knows the truth, not even Raina.
We kept us a secret because we were afraid there was something more.
- Go back to Brooklyn.
- Not until I know there is nothing between us.
- The only mistake was mine when I forged Serena's signature.
He signs over the company now or you're going to jail.
But not because of you or anyone else.
I called the DA 10 minutes ago.
Once I go on record with the truth, no one can hold this against us anymore.
I don't think Lily quite realizes what she's in for.
Time to circle the wagons, Rufus.
WOMAN: Where has she been? GOSSIP GIRL: And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
XOXO Gossip Girl.
[CHATTERING.]
The van der Woodsen family is no stranger to the tabloids.
But this time, it appears the mother of all scandals surrounds the mother.
Lily Humphrey could be facing up to 10 years in prison for forgery and obstruction of justice.
Turn that off.
And leave me alone, Dorota.
I've taken to my bed.
I thought hearing someone has life worse than yours would help.
Well, your job isn't to think, it's to serve.
If I need your help, I'll ring the bell.
[BELL RINGING.]
[SIGHS.]
REPORTER [ON RADIO.]
: Will Lily Humphrey end up behind bars? The society queen allegedly forged her daughter's signature on an affidavit that sent an innocent man to jail for almost three years.
The victim, Ben Donovan, has been cleared of all charges.
But it's unlikely Lily Humphrey will be so lucky.
She's holed up in her penthouse apartment while her lawyers scramble to work out a deal We are currently outside of the I didn't realize you'd stayed.
Good morning to you too.
You okay? It's surreal.
Everything happening to Lily is because of my dad and I kind of feel like it's all my fault.
Look, it probably would've happened sooner or later anyway.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Your dad's been calling all morning.
Hello.
I already told you my answer.
What do you mean everything could change? Oddsmakers around town are taking bets on the length of her prison sentence.
Hey, Miss van der Woodsen, has your mother heard any news? [PHONE RINGS.]
SERENA [OVER PHONE.]
: Hey, Chuck.
- How's Lily holding up? I'm here now.
Aren't you coming for brunch? Lily thought it would be complicated enough without me.
My grandmother, stepfather, my father, who was last seen fleeing the police? Complicated is an understatement.
How are things with William? If I cut everyone out of my life who made a mistake, no one would be left.
On the topic of mistakes, do you know one I might have made to cause Blair to cut me off? - You didn't talk after your party? CHUCK: She wouldn't let me in her room.
When she said she didn't wanna talk to me I didn't think she meant "ever again.
" She's not seeing someone, is she? Not unless you count Dorota.
She's hasn't left her bed in a week.
She's pulling a Camille? Why? I think her powerful-woman path hit a roadblock.
That's important to her.
Thanks for the heads-up.
Give Lily my love.
I will, bye.
Come on, Lil, reading this is not going to make things any easier.
Sometimes it's better to know what's out there, deal with it move on.
Lily and I were talking about moving on.
What was the topic of that conversation? Oh, yeah, you.
I'm not going anywhere till I know my children are taken care of in the event that Lily can't do so.
She's not dying, Will, no thanks to you.
Eric and Serena already have a father.
Stepfather.
It's not the same.
CECE: Please be gentlemen, you two.
We're all here for Lily.
Oh, darling oh, you look lovely in your mug shot.
It was smart to turn yourself in so your hair was done.
Yes, Mother, that's why I did it.
Ahem.
Well, fortunately, in a few short hours I will be immortalized in a much more dignified fashion.
The Taschen book, that's, uh, today? It certainly is.
Modern Royalty.
I just love the title.
- Hey, Mom, Dad.
- Hey, hi, sweetheart.
Serena, darling, we were just talking about the portrait.
How can you do a book on modern royalty without me and my girls? All of my girls.
What is that supposed to mean? Listen, thank you for letting me hide out here.
I just needed a time out from my mom, my grandma and my dad and your dad.
Yeah, I mean, of course, my house is your safe house.
I'm surprised Serena didn't call and ask you to be backup.
She did, but I figured I'd dodge that war.
Hey, does William Carlos Williams go under W or C? Hmm.
First time I've ever seen you pass up a chance to save Serena.
And you're alphabetizing? What's up? [DAN SIGHS.]
You swear not to tell anyone, or laugh? Uh, I'll take your secret to my grave, but laughter is an uncontrollable bodily response.
[DAN SIGHS.]
I kissed Blair Waldorf.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wow.
I didn't see that coming.
Neither did I.
I mean, it was just once, and it was weird.
I would expect so, yes.
But weird, good? Like, "Wow, it's weird, this is such a good kiss.
" Or weird, bad? Like, you know, just, "Wow, weird.
" Uh, she didn't give you any indication at the time? No.
No, she just walked away stunned, left me standing there in her foyer.
- Mysterious.
- I know, right? I did what I thought was polite, called her the next day.
It's been almost a week, haven't heard back.
Wait, wait.
Why do you care so much? Do you? Do you like her? What? No, no, no, I don't like her.
Of course not.
Not at all, I'm just curious.
And, you know, she I mean, she does smells nice.
Oh, you are ass-backwards crushing on Blair Waldorf.
[BELL RINGING.]
Take that away, Dorota.
I can't eat.
I only rang to tell you to call the doctor.
I think I have consumption.
Consumption not since 19th century.
- They have vaccine.
- Then I'm dying from malaise.
I know everything has gone wrong since you lost focus on work.
But Carmela on Sopranos didn't get big break till she was 40.
This isn't about work or time, Dorota.
It's about the truth.
Something happened recently that revealed my future.
I've been hiding ever since.
I don't want to deal with it.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Epperly.
What do you want? I'm styling photo shoots for New York portions of Taschen's book.
- I know all about it.
Serena's in it.
My assistant left to work for William and Kate's wedding photographer.
I could really use your help.
Me? After our previous experience? Aw, you're a natural fit for something like this.
What with your impeccable taste and masterful way of giving orders.
Um, it'll be hard to clear my schedule.
Meet me in an hour? I'll text you the address.
You're right, Dorota.
Maybe I should refocus on work.
Feelings and revelations will just have to wait.
She accepted the job, just like you knew she would.
But, uh, why go to these lengths, if I may ask? Someone told me something that made me want my own legacy not my father's.
I can't convince Blair of her place in it until she's feeling powerful again.
Well, I hope it works out for you.
Ever since I came back from Bali, I'm a sucker for romance.
I can't believe you asked Carol here without clearing it with me first.
What's to ask? You're her sister.
And besides, I knew you'd say no.
For a good reason, though.
Carol turned her back on Lily.
I would say there's blame on both sides.
But Rufus does make a point for once.
Having Carol here would be stressful for Lily.
SERENA: What could be more stressful? She hasn't walked through the door and you're at each other's throats.
I wouldn't recognize you guys if it were any other way.
Hi, sis.
I always knew your house of cards would collapse eventually but I never dreamed you'd actually wind up behind bars.
Huh? Ah, welcome, Carol.
And hey, Mom.
Darling.
And Lily's husbands.
- One and five.
- Five.
- And Serena.
- Hi, Aunt Carol, good to see you.
Your mom had long hair just like yours when she was crashing on tour buses before she was getting Brazilian Blowouts.
Right, Rufus? Love the loafers.
Are those Tod's? Carol, some of us actually grew up.
[PHONE RINGING.]
I'll get it.
So you're here for the Rhodes women portrait? Maybe you can help pick a theme.
I was thinking La Dolce Vita.
Does it have to be a movie? We could do Chicago.
You can play Roxie Hart, because she was in jail.
Ha, ha.
You think this photo's frivolous, but it's an important honor for our family.
I'm not the one who ruined this family's honor.
It wasn't your lawyer, it was someone from the book.
They canceled the portrait because of the scandal.
I'm sorry, Mom.
GOSSIP GIRL: Lily, looks like instead of being on the pages you're about to have the book thrown at you.
Do you mind hailing me a cab? Thank you.
Hey, Serena? Sorry, my family's not talking to the press.
Oh, well, then I guess I'm not either because technically, I am your family.
You're wondering how you could be related to someone so socially awkward.
Um - But I'm your cousin.
- Charlie? Oh, my God, Charlotte.
Oh, my gosh.
Your mom didn't tell me you're here.
That's because she doesn't know.
Um, can we go somewhere and talk? Yeah, of course, come on.
Boys, William may have a solution.
Imagine that.
- I know Benedikt Taschen.
- Of course you do.
I'd call him, see if I can get the ladies back in the book.
Eric, what do you say? Uh, l I think that Mom would really like that.
Fine.
Might as well try.
Great.
Thanks.
I think the last time I saw you I was six.
You met up with us in the Keys, on Claus' boat.
I think they call that a yacht.
Didn't it have an elevator in it? Which was enough to make your mom decide to never let you see us again.
She thinks your world's toxic.
If I'm exposed, I'll catch it.
We may not be perfect, but comparing us to the plague is a little extreme.
So you and your brother didn't both end up going to a mental institution? And your dad didn't give your mom fake cancer? And your mom didn't send an innocent man to prison just to get you back into private school? When you put it that way, we should be quarantined.
No.
I'm sorry.
That's my mom talking.
I've grown up so alone, that I I wanted to see what she's been hiding me from all these years.
Okay.
I'm not letting you go home until you spend a day with me.
Let me show you this world and you can decide what you think of it.
We'll start with Barneys and then work our way back to Intermix.
CAROL: I'm sorry, Lil.
I didn't realize how important this portrait was to you.
- What are you looking at? - I figured if I can't take a new photo I could distract myself with old ones, that's all.
Remember that? My God.
We were gonna audition to be Solid Gold Dancers.
Then we went looking for halter tops that looked like the girl in the "Cherry Pie" video.
And all we could find were these gold unitards.
Oh, how did our dance go? It was like - This is our audition.
- Right, right.
- Imagine, in halter tops.
Okay.
- No.
You know what, who needs Taschen when we can take our own family photo? But we need the unitards.
- Yes.
Okay.
- Let's go.
Let's go.
Yes.
Kate Orth is being shot with her six maiden nieces and Chuck Bass will be shot by himself.
All by himself? He has an uncle.
Nope.
Chuck Bass is representing his family all alone.
The Suttons are next.
They want to be shot with their English setters.
Those setters are better-Iooking than the Suttons.
They love each other anyway.
Proving that everyone has their soul mate.
Yeah.
Did you join a cult in Bali? I know you believe in true love too.
Well, I did recently have a moment of perspective myself but I didn't have to go to an ashram to have it.
- What happened? - I kissed someone.
It was truly a life-changing experience.
- Do tell.
- I just did.
That was it.
But the point is, that one kiss changed me.
Fut-the-wuck is she doing here? How dare you show your face here.
Well, hello to you too, Blair.
I'm a camera assistant.
The job was posted at NYU.
I didn't know Serena's family was coming until I arrived.
I'm not leaving.
[SIGHS.]
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God.
That dress is incredible.
It would look great on you.
Uh, yeah, except for it costs as much as all the stuff we got today put together.
I can't accept that.
Well, you can accept this.
It's a family heirloom so it's just as much yours as it is mine anyway.
Serena.
Thank you for everything.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe we found them.
You might be Upper East Side blue blood and I might be Florida bohemian but at bottom, the Rhodes sisters are still badasses from the valley.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Rufus.
Yeah, we found leg warmers.
- No, I'm not drunk.
Although - Yes.
Oh, that's wonderful, you're kidding.
Okay, we'll be right home.
- The photo shoot's back on.
- Oh.
Should we go buy something for everyone? Mom in a unitard.
Awesome.
- Ha, ha.
- I love it.
- Serena.
- Charlie? I can explain.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Hey, Chuck.
What are you doing here? May I come in? Yeah.
I've learned some information about my past that's making me reconsider my future.
My future with Blair.
However, my intel indicates that she's seeing someone else.
What's that gotta do with me? It could be someone at W.
Didn't you work there? Uh, yeah, for one day.
Did you notice her talking to anyone? Whoever she kissed seems to have had an effect.
"Life-changing" were the words she used.
A life-changing kiss might not be something you want to mess with.
What are you trying to say? With you, she was caught up in schemes and takedowns.
That's not really her.
She's intelligent, intuitive, you know.
She weeps when she watches Nights of Cabiria.
How do you know that? Uh, Serena told me.
But, listen, the point is, if Blair's happy maybe you should let her be.
You care more about Blair's happiness than I knew.
Thank you for your time.
Epperly? I found out who Blair kissed.
I'm going to need one more favor.
I've worked hard to keep you away from this world.
I didn't wanted you obsessed with clothes, clubbing and getting your picture taken.
- That's not fair.
Fair is irrelevant.
I'm your mother.
I make the rules.
You need to trust me.
I have never lied to you.
I want you to return everything that you bought and meet me back at my hotel.
Uh, necklace? For God's sake, it's a necklace, not a heroin needle.
We were just hanging out.
You bought her a thousand dollars worth of clothes.
That's obscene.
We are leaving.
I'm just here to say goodbye to Mother.
I just got your message.
I can't believe you won't come upstairs.
Carol, please.
Serena didn't mean any harm.
You and I were having fun together.
William and Rufus got the photo shoot.
At least stay for that.
You think it's okay for your kids to have superficial values, but I left this life to raise Charlie in the real world.
I am not letting you seduce her.
Great.
Then I hope you won't mind if I don't stay and watch you go.
- Hey, are you okay? - Oh, yes, I'm fine, sweetheart.
You don't have to come up.
Funny.
Wanting nothing to do with this superficial world hasn't deterred you from taking my money.
You got what you paid for, Mother.
I showed up, I was as supportive as I possibly could be and now I'm leaving.
I send you a check every month.
You will stay for this photo.
That wasn't part of the deal.
Now I'm going to my hotel to pack.
Charlie and I are gonna take the next plane out.
I got a call that I'm being included in the Modern Royalty book.
Hmm.
No offense, but why? None taken, because that was my first thought also.
I guess there's some coup d'état section for up-and-comers.
Yeah, that sounds totally made-up.
Um, Blair is working the photo shoot.
She called to confirm my mom's time.
Maybe she got you in? Why? To raise my social status so I'll be a suitable suitor? Actually, that sounds completely like her.
And you would usually find that repellent.
Except you don't because you like her.
Does Serena know? It was one kiss.
There's nothing to know, yet.
Just be careful [STAMMERING.]
And wear a nice suit.
I have to go.
Hello? Yeah, this is Eric.
What? No, I didn't know I was expected at the photo shoot.
- You're late.
- And you're glowing.
Why make me bring overnight bag, including La Perlas? Because I'm going to tell that certain someone my true feelings tonight.
If things go as I hope, I don't want to be in last year's Chantelle.
I don't think Dan Humphrey will know difference.
Dan Humphrey? What are you talking about? The reason you take to bed.
Shame from emotional affair with lowly boy.
It's Lonely Boy, and it wasn't an affair, just a kiss.
Which made me see how much I wished it was with Chuck.
Mr.
Chuck? But your power play go kaput.
Thank you for reminding me.
I wanted to realize my potential before joining forces with a powerful man.
But Chuck has matured past games and fatwas.
I believe we can build our futures together.
And if Chuck is destined to be my prince, why kiss any more toads? Humphrey more Labrador than toad.
Who cares what beast Dan Humphrey is? Chuck is on his way, I'm going to tell him I'm ready.
It's time.
GOSSIP GIRL: They say that fortune favors the bold.
Thanks.
Serena? Look, I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye.
But as much fun as I had, my mom is right.
She sacrificed a lot to raise me the way she thought was best.
I have to respect that.
Well, she may not have sacrificed as much as you think.
GOSSIP GIRL: But watch out for the boldface lies that come with fortune's favors.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
The book people told me I had to come down here ASAP.
Oh, are you Eric van der Woodsen? We need to start setting up for you and your sister.
And are you Dr.
Van der Woodsen? - No.
What's going on? - Uh, the revised portrait concept is William van der Woodsen and his children.
The whole point was to do this for my mom.
The point for Will is to do something for himself.
We have to fix this.
You find William.
I'll make sure that Lily's occupied.
And you, say absolutely nothing to anybody until I tell you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Been looking everywhere for you.
Your office said you were I needed some time to think.
About what? What'd your dad say? It wasn't my dad.
It was the people doing the Modern Royalty book.
They were calling for the same reason he was.
They want us in the book.
And you said no, of course.
Yes.
But then they asked if I didn't want to pose with my father why not take it with my mother? Oh.
Having to say it out loud this morning made me realize, if I'm estranged from my dad I really have no one.
Blair.
Hey.
Uh, I wanted to talk you but I see you got your hands full.
The Landsburys had too much licorice.
What? I'm here to get my photo taken.
Uh For the up-and-comers section? This isn't a shoot for a high-school yearbook.
There is no up-and-comers section and even if there were, let's face it, you still wouldn't make the cut.
Ha, ha.
Tell me you didn't do this to humiliate me.
What? No.
I don't even know what this is.
Epperly told me I was in this shoot.
You didn't have anything to do with that? No.
And I don't know why Epperly would Oh, God.
It's Chuck.
He knows.
Ah.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Aw, you are so beautiful.
Thank you for being here.
Of course.
We've been through so much together and I've let you down so many times and here you are.
Mom, don't start to cry right now.
You'll ruin your makeup.
Stop.
- What have you done with my daughter? - What are you talking about? Charlie never made it to the hotel.
She doesn't know the city.
She's out there somewhere on her own.
I knew it.
One day with you and she's run away.
Not a coincidence.
- Watch how you talk to my daughter.
- She didn't run away because of me.
She ran away because I told her the truth about you.
You go around acting like we're monsters yet you take money from Grandma every month.
Is that true? I'm sorry, Mom.
I overheard them earlier.
The only reason she came is because Grandma paid her to.
I'll call Charlie now and see if she'll tell me where she is.
Of course Mother paid you to be here.
I am so foolish to think that you would have come because you cared.
Lily This was all you? You had Epperly hire me call Dan and tell him he was - Up-and-comer? What's your problem? You're trying to humiliate him? I don't care about him.
I just wanted you to see he's not part of this world.
I know you kissed him.
So? You and I are not dating.
- And you kissed a lot of people.
- You're not supposed to kiss him.
He's Humdrum Humphrey.
Epperly told me it was life-changing.
Because it made me realize I wanted to be with you.
Dan and I both know it meant nothing.
Less than nothing.
Right? Yeah, that's right.
I was gonna tell you about it tonight.
But that would have been a huge mistake.
Dan Humphrey may not be royalty, but at least he's not a child.
Hey.
Lily in makeup yet? We know you switched the photo from Rhodes to van der Woodsen.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Sure you don't.
But let me tell you a picture with you and your kids doesn't make you look like a real father.
Back off, Rufus.
- There's no photo without my mom.
- Of course there isn't.
I wouldn't cut your mother out.
It's over, Will.
Just fix it before Lily finds out.
Find out about what? Finds out that, um That I am not happy with my hair.
- It's too flat.
- Mother, your hair is enormous.
- Ready for the van der Woodsen photo.
- It's the Rhodes photo, and we're here.
Hey, I couldn't find Charlie.
What's going on? - Tell them what you did.
- No, because I didn't do it.
Would everybody please take their places? Does anyone want to be in this picture? Or in this family? I do.
GOSSIP GIRL: Cinderella finally showed up at the ball.
Too bad it was canceled.
Thank God.
Are you all right? You had me worried sick.
- I'm fine.
- This is only supposed to be William van der Woodsen and his two children.
- What? Since when? - I'm sorry, Lily.
The book never reinstated you.
Will did this instead.
- Dad? - What's the point of telling the truth if you're not gonna believe me anyway? I'm gonna go get some air.
This looks like the dress Diana wore the day after she became princess.
It is.
I wanted you to wear it in the photo with me.
I had no idea I could just ask.
It's not too late.
You don't have to be powerful on your own first.
We can build our futures together.
The saddest part is that I'd come to the same conclusion.
But now that I know I'm ready, I realize you're not.
And I thought after everything you went through Prague, Eva, Russell that maybe you'd changed.
But who was I kidding? - Don't say that.
- You have years before you're capable of a real relationship.
If you ever will be.
I'm sorry, Chuck.
[GROANS.]
Lily, I did not sabotage the photo shoot.
I hope that you realize that.
Oh.
I'm not even sure I care if you did.
I mean, let's face it.
Me, CeCe and Carol all in the same room? - The night was doomed to be apocalyptic.
- Ha, ha.
But the fact that my rebel sister has been judging me all these years when she was taking money from my mother that's a whole new spin.
Remember when she moved to Maui, Dallas, and then downtown Detroit? [CHUCKLES.]
Anywhere your mother wouldn't go.
Now she lives on a houseboat.
And you live in a penthouse.
Yeah, for now.
And then it's the big house.
- Lily.
- Tonight was supposed to be a way to forget that.
Listen, nobody knows what your sentence will be.
And your family is here for you.
Even if they're screwed up and dance in silver leotards.
Ha-ha-ha.
Unitards.
And they were gold.
Thank you, William, you're right.
I just spoke to Julia Chaplin and found out that Benedikt Taschen was traveling and never got your message.
The photo was the editor's idea and William had nothing to do with it.
Well, if that's an apology, Rufus I accept.
Come on.
Let's, uh, go get our family and go home.
- I had no idea.
- I know.
- Nice suit, though.
- Ha, ha.
Thanks.
Uh, what did you want to talk to me about earlier? That kiss meant nothing to me, like it did to you.
- Oh.
Right.
- Social experiment gone wrong.
A princess kissing a Labrador.
I appreciate you not calling me a toad.
Uh, Blair, your prince is out there waiting for you.
It might not be me or Chuck, but he's out there.
Your princess is too.
If you're ready for her.
All the years all you did was lie to me.
I made some mistakes, but I was trying to protect you.
How? By secretly taking money? By making me feel horrible about who my relatives were? I'm not 8, Mom.
I'm 18.
I don't need to be protected.
I only wanted what was best for you.
You mean what's best for you.
Well, that ends tonight.
Charlie, don't.
[SIGHS.]
So epic betrayal by Mom aborted photo shoot, no place to sleep.
What would Serena van der Woodsen do? The salted caramel gelato at II Laboratorio can end wars.
CHARLOTTE: Take me there.
- Did someone say gelato? Blair, this is my cousin, Charlie Rhodes.
- Hi.
- The Blair? I'm honored.
And I'm craving vanilla pecan and a girls' night.
Let's get out of here.
Come on.
GOSSIP GIRL: Poor lost prince.
What's the point of having a kingdom if you have to reign alone? [SIGHS.]
Still no word on the sentencing? Uh, no, not yet.
Um Did you know that Martha Stewart taught crafts in prison? The flight's in a few hours.
I hope we hear by then.
And I hope that Charlie speaks to me on the plane.
Serena said they had a great girls' night.
Probably just what she needed in light of, you know your decades of massive hypocrisy.
Ahem.
[LILY CHUCKLES.]
I so wanted you to think I was different that I'd gotten out.
When you left L.
A.
, I had I had no one.
And then one day I was 24, living out of my car buying a pregnancy test at that drugstore up on Laurel.
Everything changed.
I did not want Mom's help but it wasn't about me anymore.
- Why didn't you tell me? - And have you find out I failed? After you rejected me and everything I stood for? No way.
I did not reject you.
All I ever wanted was your approval.
Well, you got it now.
Turning yourself in, not giving a damn what people think? That's my Lily.
[SIGHS.]
Will you come visit me in prison? I will smuggle you pot brownies.
[CAROL CHUCKLES AND LILY SIGHS.]
So have you thought about what you're going to say to your mom yet? I figured it would just kind of come to me in the moment.
- She's never gonna let me do it.
- What is this "let"? You're an adult.
You make your own decisions, and you say that you hope that she supports you.
I'm starting to realize why you're so scary to her.
[PHONE RINGING.]
- You wanna get that? - No.
So I know you don't want to hear from me but I had to share.
Dan Humphrey kissed Blair Waldorf.
You can confront them, they'll deny it.
But it's true.
I overheard them myself.
If I was lying just to mess with you, it wouldn't be as unbelievable as this.
I'm surprised Rufus is letting you man the brunch table.
He's very territorial about his waffles.
Your stepfather and I have come to an understanding.
Besides, he's out on a mission right now.
I am intrigued and proud of both of you.
I know you're making this work for my sake.
And here I thought you were doing it for me.
Hey, Mom.
[IN UNISON.]
Hi, sweetheart.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
How was the sleepover? It was good.
It was so good that, um, if it's okay with you, Aunt Lily, I'd like to stay.
In Serena's old room.
Catch up with the family, make up for lost time.
- I think that's great, Charlie.
- Charlie, that's a mistake.
What happened wasn't so long ago.
- You're not ready for this.
- I am.
Because of you, I know who I am.
And nothing's gonna change that.
And thanks for supporting me.
Why don't I show you your new room? My God, I suck at that.
You'll get better with practice.
What? She's gonna be fine.
We'll take good care of her.
You don't understand.
A few months ago she left college, because What's going on, Carol? Just promise me you will make sure someone watches her closely.
Okay? I promise.
Hey, you're awake.
I'm not sure if I ever fell asleep.
You, uh, still thinking about your mom? Yes but not for the reason you think.
My dad always said she never tried to contact us.
But I can't help but wonder since he lied about so much other stuff Maybe he lied about her too? You could find out for sure, you know.
You could look for her.
GOSSIP GIRL: Walking down the primrose path you risk finding hell instead of happily ever after.
Save me a waffle.
But first We have a surprise.
- You're socializing with my mother? - That is surprising.
Rufus has gathered the family, darling.
The whole family.
We are having a family photo.
Lily, I assume you know Laurie Simmons? [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Hi.
Uh, this is a family portrait, so I'm assuming you are Cousin Charlie? - Yeah, hi.
You're Dan.
- Yeah.
- How long are you gonna be here? - Um Depends, I guess.
Okay, I'm good to go if everyone else is.
CeCe, come on.
You're standing next to me.
Oh.
How about if I'm in the middle between you and William? All right.
[PHONE RINGING.]
RUFUS: Lily, you want me to? Oh, that's all right.
Just let it ring.
I want, uh, my family photo to capture this moment.
That's my Lily.
Okay, say cheese.
GOSSIP GIRL: As with any journey who you travel with can be more important than your destination.
BLAIR: Why does love have to be so hard, Dorota? All I ever wanted was a simple fairy tale.
Kate Middleton has it.
And I have much shinier hair.
Although she does have a better assortment of hats.
Don't despair, Miss Blair.
Destiny full of surprises.
GOSSIP GIRL: You never know who you'll encounter along the way.
Who knows? Maybe fairy tales come true after all.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.
[English - US - SDH.]