Impractical Jokers (2017) s04e18 Episode Script
Blind Justice
narrator: Coming up, why's murr playing hard to get? catch me! Murr playing hard to get? catch me! [ laughter .]
catch me! [ laughter .]
catch me! [ laughter .]
catch me! narrator: What's got q acting Catch me! narrator: What's got q acting like such a pussy? narrator: What's got q acting like such a pussy? meow, meow, meow, meow, Like such a pussy? meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
narrator: And orange will be [ laughter .]
narrator: And orange will be the new black for one joker in narrator: And orange will be the new black for one joker in tonight's big punishment.
The new black for one joker in tonight's big punishment.
[ laughter .]
Tonight's big punishment.
[ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today we're at the legendary gleason's gym, giving boxing lessons to new students.
Gleason's gym, giving boxing lessons to new students.
while training, we'll have to Lessons to new students.
while training, we'll have to do and say what the other guys while training, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
Do and say what the other guys tell us.
at the end, we'll ask the Tell us.
at the end, we'll ask the boxers if they want to take at the end, we'll ask the boxers if they want to take another lesson with us.
if you can't get your student To sign up for another training Session, you lose.
hit me.
[ groans .]
Hands, man.
you're looking good, buddy.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
Here we go.
hey, bud.
Come on in.
So, the first thing I'm gonna hey, bud.
Come on in.
So, the first thing I'm gonna teach you is a couple of jabs.
So, the first thing I'm gonna teach you is a couple of jabs.
Okay, like a one-two punch, Teach you is a couple of jabs.
Okay, like a one-two punch, okay? Okay, like a one-two punch, okay? One, two, nice, yeah.
Okay? One, two, nice, yeah.
murr, yell catch me and just One, two, nice, yeah.
murr, yell catch me and just start bouncing off the ropes.
murr, yell catch me and just start bouncing off the ropes.
okay, so one-two.
Start bouncing off the ropes.
okay, so one-two.
Catch me! [ laughter .]
Catch me! Catch me! [ laughter .]
Nice.
Good job, man.
Good job.
let's lay down together for a second.
let's lay down together for a second.
take a seat, man.
Second.
take a seat, man.
Lay down with me.
take a seat, man.
Lay down with me.
you want to get to know the Lay down with me.
you want to get to know the ring.
you want to get to know the ring.
you want Ring.
you want You want to get to know the you want You want to get to know the ring.
You want to get to know the ring.
you know how much saliva is Ring.
you know how much saliva is in this ring right now? you know how much saliva is in this ring right now? How much sweat we're laying on? In this ring right now? How much sweat we're laying on? Blood? How much sweat we're laying on? Blood? do you know how much blood Blood? do you know how much blood and saliva are on this ring do you know how much blood and saliva are on this ring right now? And saliva are on this ring right now? [ laughter .]
Right now? [ laughter .]
and you know how I know [ laughter .]
and you know how I know you're serious about being a and you know how I know you're serious about being a boxer? You're serious about being a boxer? you know how I know you're Boxer? you know how I know you're serious about being a boxer? you know how I know you're serious about being a boxer? 'cause you're willing to lie Serious about being a boxer? 'cause you're willing to lie in all this body fluid.
'cause you're willing to lie in all this body fluid.
'cause you're willing to lie In all this body fluid.
'cause you're willing to lie in all of this body fluid.
'cause you're willing to lie in all of this body fluid.
[ laughter .]
In all of this body fluid.
[ laughter .]
all right, just start [ laughter .]
all right, just start flip-flopping around like a dead all right, just start flip-flopping around like a dead fish.
Flip-flopping around like a dead fish.
okay, here's what I want you Fish.
okay, here's what I want you to do.
okay, here's what I want you to do.
On three, flip over.
To do.
On three, flip over.
Okay, like, I'll show you.
On three, flip over.
Okay, like, I'll show you.
Ready? Not bad.
Now go the opposite way.
[ laughter .]
Now go the opposite way.
[ laughter .]
do you think based on just this [ laughter .]
do you think based on just this introductory lesson you would Do you think based on just this introductory lesson you would want to take another boxing Introductory lesson you would want to take another boxing class with me? Want to take another boxing class with me? yeah.
Class with me? yeah.
ohhhh! yeah.
ohhhh! very cool, man.
ohhhh! very cool, man.
Catch me! very cool, man.
Catch me! Come on, you son of a bitch! Catch me! Come on, you son of a bitch! What do you got? Come on, you son of a bitch! What do you got? [ ding! .]
hardknocks sal.
this is an action-oriented, Aggressive, confident sal? it's the school I went to.
this is your guy right here.
Say, "let's go, cupcake.
" [ laughter .]
let's go, cupcake.
I got cupcakes on my mind.
I love the red velvet.
there goes hardknocks sal I love the red velvet.
there goes hardknocks sal right out the window.
there goes hardknocks sal right out the window.
[ laughter .]
Right out the window.
[ laughter .]
sal, work on some footwork.
[ laughter .]
sal, work on some footwork.
yeah, a little footwork sal, work on some footwork.
yeah, a little footwork action.
yeah, a little footwork action.
show him the electric slide.
Action.
show him the electric slide.
I'm gonna show you a little show him the electric slide.
I'm gonna show you a little footwork, all right? [ laughter .]
there it is, the electric slide.
there it is, the electric slide.
[ laughter .]
Slide.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
have him mirror you, sal.
okay.
have him mirror you, sal.
Tell him to mirror you.
have him mirror you, sal.
Tell him to mirror you.
okay, you mirror me.
Tell him to mirror you.
okay, you mirror me.
Mirror me.
okay, you mirror me.
Mirror me.
da, da, da, three.
Mirror me.
da, da, da, three.
Da, da da, da, da, three.
Da, da da, da, da, da Da, da da, da, da, da [ laughter .]
he's doing the electric slide in the ring! I'm gonna swing now.
In the ring! I'm gonna swing now.
You duck.
I'm gonna swing now.
You duck.
I'm gonna swing, you duck, You duck.
I'm gonna swing, you duck, and then come back up and hit.
I'm gonna swing, you duck, and then come back up and hit.
Ready? And then come back up and hit.
Ready? great.
Now every time he Ready? great.
Now every time he ducks, you get to say "quack.
" great.
Now every time he ducks, you get to say "quack.
" all right.
Ducks, you get to say "quack.
" all right.
Duck.
Quack.
Nice.
all right.
Duck.
Quack.
Nice.
[ laughter .]
Duck.
Quack.
Nice.
[ laughter .]
duck.
Quack.
[ laughter .]
duck.
Quack.
that's so stupid.
Duck.
Quack.
that's so stupid.
duck.
Quack, quack.
that's so stupid.
duck.
Quack, quack.
Nice, got a whole flock of duck.
Quack, quack.
Nice, got a whole flock of ducks.
Nice, got a whole flock of ducks.
sal, show him some of your Ducks.
sal, show him some of your gelatinous moves.
sal, show him some of your gelatinous moves.
yeah.
Gelatinous moves.
yeah.
[ laughter .]
yeah.
[ laughter .]
try to hit me.
[ laughter .]
try to hit me.
you know those things at the try to hit me.
you know those things at the used-car lots? you know those things at the used-car lots? inflatable guys.
Used-car lots? inflatable guys.
0% financing.
inflatable guys.
0% financing.
[ laughter .]
0% financing.
[ laughter .]
all right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
all right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
All right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
given the opportunity, would you [ laughter .]
given the opportunity, would you be willing to take another Given the opportunity, would you be willing to take another session with me? Be willing to take another session with me? I would love to, but I Session with me? I would love to, but I actually leave tomorrow.
I would love to, but I actually leave tomorrow.
aaaah! Actually leave tomorrow.
aaaah! [ buzzer .]
aaaah! [ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
in what world does a Middle-aged joe gatto train Boxing? there you go.
got it.
what's your name, bud? todd.
joe.
Good to see you, todd.
How are you? Let me see a little bit of form, you know, what's your stance like.
You know, what's your stance like.
Good.
Like.
Good.
cover that double chin.
Good.
cover that double chin.
what I got to -- what I got cover that double chin.
what I got to -- what I got to do when I keep up my stance what I got to -- what I got to do when I keep up my stance up, right, I protect that To do when I keep up my stance up, right, I protect that double chin.
Up, right, I protect that double chin.
I got to protect my -- you know, Double chin.
I got to protect my -- you know, this front one here gets blocked I got to protect my -- you know, this front one here gets blocked by this one.
This front one here gets blocked by this one.
You protect your single chin.
By this one.
You protect your single chin.
I'll protect my double chin.
You protect your single chin.
I'll protect my double chin.
working on that triple chin.
I'll protect my double chin.
working on that triple chin.
yeah, I've been working hard working on that triple chin.
yeah, I've been working hard on that triple chin.
yeah, I've been working hard on that triple chin.
joe, can you show him your On that triple chin.
joe, can you show him your patented two-handed punch? joe, can you show him your patented two-handed punch? sometimes you get people, you Patented two-handed punch? sometimes you get people, you don't know how they punch, and sometimes you get people, you don't know how they punch, and they're gonna punch at you like Don't know how they punch, and they're gonna punch at you like that.
They're gonna punch at you like that.
You're gonna do a two-handed That.
You're gonna do a two-handed punch.
You're gonna do a two-handed punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
Punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
why's your neck snapping as One, two.
Two-hand punch.
why's your neck snapping as you do it? why's your neck snapping as you do it? yeah, take that, and then You do it? yeah, take that, and then his neck is like whiplash.
yeah, take that, and then his neck is like whiplash.
he's literally gonna have a his neck is like whiplash.
he's literally gonna have a heart attack.
he's literally gonna have a heart attack.
I think I just threw my neck Heart attack.
I think I just threw my neck out a little bit.
I think I just threw my neck out a little bit.
[ laughter .]
Out a little bit.
[ laughter .]
joe, is that a bee in the [ laughter .]
joe, is that a bee in the ring? joe, is that a bee in the ring? Bzzzz.
Ring? Bzzzz.
Bzzzz.
Bzzzz.
Bzzzz.
one, two, one, two.
Bzzzz.
one, two, one, two.
Uppercuts, ready? one, two, one, two.
Uppercuts, ready? Uppercut.
Uppercuts, ready? Uppercut.
the guy doesn't know what's Uppercut.
the guy doesn't know what's going on.
the guy doesn't know what's going on.
Uh-oh, two bees.
Going on.
Uh-oh, two bees.
Bzzz bzzz bzzz.
Uh-oh, two bees.
Bzzz bzzz bzzz.
Bzz bzz bzz.
Bzzzzz! [bleep.]
it's a hornet's nest! I got to float like a it's a hornet's nest! I got to float like a butterfly 'cause I'm getting I got to float like a butterfly 'cause I'm getting stung by these bees.
Butterfly 'cause I'm getting stung by these bees.
[ laughter .]
Stung by these bees.
[ laughter .]
let me ask you a question.
[ laughter .]
let me ask you a question.
Do you think, uh -- would you Let me ask you a question.
Do you think, uh -- would you like to take another training Do you think, uh -- would you like to take another training session with me? Like to take another training session with me? oh, come on! Session with me? oh, come on! yeah, right, why not? oh, come on! yeah, right, why not? It was a good time, right? yeah, right, why not? It was a good time, right? oh, man! It was a good time, right? oh, man! [ ding! .]
this gym is literally where Legends trained.
yeah, and us.
and us.
[ laughs .]
Here he comes.
oh, he's sweaty already, bud.
He's drenched in sweat.
oh, he's sweaty already, bud.
He's drenched in sweat.
Give him a hug.
He's drenched in sweat.
Give him a hug.
hi.
What's your name? Give him a hug.
hi.
What's your name? george.
hi.
What's your name? george.
george? george.
george? yeah.
george? yeah.
what's up, man? yeah.
what's up, man? [ laughter .]
what's up, man? [ laughter .]
all right, so, yeah.
[ laughter .]
all right, so, yeah.
Yeah, you got it.
All right.
all right, so, yeah.
Yeah, you got it.
All right.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Yeah, you got it.
All right.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Yeah, you're killing it.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Yeah, you're killing it.
I like this.
Yeah, you're killing it.
I like this.
holy [bleep.]
I like this.
holy [bleep.]
this guy is jacked, man.
holy [bleep.]
this guy is jacked, man.
nice! Oh! You're holding back? yes.
all right, go for it.
yes.
all right, go for it.
Unleash, unleash! [ laughter .]
you're building up a good sweat.
That's good.
Sweat.
That's good.
Let me smell that armpit.
you, uh [ laughter .]
you're working up a good Sweat.
Let me smell that armpit.
What do you say? Nah? All right.
[ laughter .]
you got lucky.
Let me see your knockout you got lucky.
Let me see your knockout celebration.
Let me see your knockout celebration.
all right, let me ask you Celebration.
all right, let me ask you something.
all right, let me ask you something.
Let's say you knock a fool out Something.
Let's say you knock a fool out in the ring, right? You've done it? How do you celebrate? Let me see your celebration.
You don't celebrate? You just go to the corner.
Wow.
q, show him how you celebrate, which is highly q, show him how you celebrate, which is highly unprofessional.
Celebrate, which is highly unprofessional.
I do celebrate a little bit.
Unprofessional.
I do celebrate a little bit.
So, like, let's say I knocked I do celebrate a little bit.
So, like, let's say I knocked the guy out.
So, like, let's say I knocked the guy out.
Then I'm like, "yeah, in your The guy out.
Then I'm like, "yeah, in your face! Then I'm like, "yeah, in your face! In your face! Suck it! Face! In your face! Suck it! Aaah!" In your face! Suck it! Aaah!" [ imitates farting noise .]
Aaah!" [ imitates farting noise .]
[ laughs mockingly .]
[ imitates farting noise .]
[ laughs mockingly .]
"now you eat farts!" [ laughs mockingly .]
"now you eat farts!" now you eat farts? "now you eat farts!" now you eat farts? they call that now you eat farts? they call that unsportsmanlike.
you agree? [ laughter .]
just based on what I've pulled off here today, do you think Just based on what I've pulled off here today, do you think that you would take more lessons Off here today, do you think that you would take more lessons with me? [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Sal and q were beat to the punch, so they're first up on the loser board.
To the punch, so they're first up on the loser board.
today we're at the Up on the loser board.
today we're at the palisades mall, listening to today we're at the palisades mall, listening to some sick beats and bopping to Palisades mall, listening to some sick beats and bopping to the music.
Some sick beats and bopping to the music.
you could be wearing these The music.
you could be wearing these headphones and rocking out in you could be wearing these headphones and rocking out in front of as many peeps as Headphones and rocking out in front of as many peeps as possible.
the goal is to be rocking out So hard that people are Compelled to ask what you're Listening to.
if you can't get them to ask, You lose.
we're so white.
[ laughter .]
okay, so, the goal here is to Get them to ask what you're Dancing to.
got it.
and we don't have to do Anything.
We get to just watch.
we just get to watch and see What happens.
I love days like this.
I get to watch you guys make a Jackass off yourself.
but you go, too.
yeah, I know.
you realize sal's the only one of us that has any kind rhythm, right? One of us that has any kind rhythm, right? tell you what, I love to Rhythm, right? tell you what, I love to watch him dance.
tell you what, I love to watch him dance.
there he goes.
Watch him dance.
there he goes.
[ laughter .]
did you pull your fat yet, or what? [ laughter .]
What? [ laughter .]
uh-oh.
Oh, he's getting serious.
[ laughter .]
uh-oh.
Oh, he's getting serious.
is that the double dutch? Uh-oh.
Oh, he's getting serious.
is that the double dutch? yeah, there it is.
is that the double dutch? yeah, there it is.
[ laughter .]
yeah, there it is.
[ laughter .]
how does his body do that? [ laughter .]
how does his body do that? song, I love this song how does his body do that? song, I love this song [ laughter .]
he was trying to make it fall over like they do in the movies.
You idiot! Over like they do in the movies.
You idiot! That chair was about to fall.
You idiot! That chair was about to fall.
yeah, you come down and do That chair was about to fall.
yeah, you come down and do it.
yeah, you come down and do it.
[ laughter .]
It.
[ laughter .]
hi.
How are you guys doing? [ laughter .]
hi.
How are you guys doing? [ laughter .]
Hi.
How are you guys doing? [ laughter .]
nothing.
Nothing.
[ singing indistinctly .]
[ laughter .]
[ singing indistinctly .]
the wire! [ singing indistinctly .]
the wire! [ laughter .]
the wire! [ laughter .]
is that a good song you're [ laughter .]
is that a good song you're listening to, buddy? is that a good song you're listening to, buddy? yeah, how's that? Listening to, buddy? yeah, how's that? yeah, 'cause the wire's yeah, how's that? yeah, 'cause the wire's hanging out.
yeah, 'cause the wire's hanging out.
[ laughter .]
Hanging out.
[ laughter .]
the wire was swinging around [ laughter .]
the wire was swinging around your body unconnected to The wire was swinging around your body unconnected to anything, any source of sound.
Your body unconnected to anything, any source of sound.
And they're gone! Anything, any source of sound.
And they're gone! they think I'm a nut case.
And they're gone! they think I'm a nut case.
you are a nut case.
they think I'm a nut case.
you are a nut case.
[ buzzer .]
all right, here he comes.
The best dancer of the four of Us if we're gonna be honest.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
The jacket's off.
it's a hawaiian cat shirt.
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
Meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
you look crazy, but in a [ laughter .]
you look crazy, but in a way -- you look crazy, but in a way -- fun crazy.
Way -- fun crazy.
in a way that we feel sad for fun crazy.
in a way that we feel sad for you.
in a way that we feel sad for you.
meow, meow, meow, meow, You.
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow I mean, I'm telling you this Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow I mean, I'm telling you this goes on in his house when no I mean, I'm telling you this goes on in his house when no one's there.
Goes on in his house when no one's there.
meow, meow, meow, meow, One's there.
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow they want nothing to do with Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow they want nothing to do with you.
they want nothing to do with you.
meow, meow, meow, meow.
You.
meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow! meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow! [ laughter .]
Meow! [ laughter .]
meow, meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
meow, meow, meow, meow you like that? meow, meow, meow, meow you like that? meow, meow, meow, meow, you like that? meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow [ sings indistinctly .]
I mean, come on.
I make a motion that we give it to him.
I make a motion that we give it to him.
He got her to dance with him.
It to him.
He got her to dance with him.
you got her to dance.
He got her to dance with him.
you got her to dance.
Good work, man.
Good work.
you got her to dance.
Good work, man.
Good work.
[ ding! .]
what is happening? first you need to establish Credibility with a swag walk.
show me for real your best atte-- and I'm dead serious.
to walk with swag? Atte-- and I'm dead serious.
to walk with swag? yes.
stop pushing your stomach out.
What are you doing? Out.
What are you doing? [ laughter .]
What are you doing? [ laughter .]
that's not swag.
That's slug.
[ laughter .]
that's not swag.
That's slug.
all right, boys, time to that's not swag.
That's slug.
all right, boys, time to upgrade the hardware.
all right, boys, time to upgrade the hardware.
what are you talking about? Upgrade the hardware.
what are you talking about? What are you doing, bud? [ laughter .]
where did you get those? oh, these are beats.
where did you get those? oh, these are beats.
These are dope.
oh, these are beats.
These are dope.
[ laughter .]
These are dope.
[ laughter .]
he looks like -- he looks [ laughter .]
he looks like -- he looks like princess leia.
he looks like -- he looks like princess leia.
you know where the food Like princess leia.
you know where the food court's at? you know where the food court's at? [ laughter .]
Court's at? [ laughter .]
upstairs? Thank you, bro.
[ laughter .]
upstairs? Thank you, bro.
So loud with these new Upstairs? Thank you, bro.
So loud with these new headphones.
So loud with these new headphones.
you look so stupid.
Headphones.
you look so stupid.
dope [bleep.]
you look so stupid.
dope [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
oh! what the [bleep.]
what's going on? what the [bleep.]
what's going on? [ laughter .]
right, you know what I'm saying, right? wow.
Saying, right? wow.
what just happened? right, you know? Oh, yeah, of course you can hear That.
oh! here you go.
those girls fell right in line with your dancing.
that's unbelievable.
Line with your dancing.
that's unbelievable.
girls are attracted to size.
that's unbelievable.
girls are attracted to size.
Size does matter, boys.
girls are attracted to size.
Size does matter, boys.
[ laughter .]
Size does matter, boys.
[ laughter .]
all right, that's how you [ laughter .]
all right, that's how you [bleep.]
do it.
All right, that's how you [bleep.]
do it.
[ ding! .]
so, murr, you're at a basic Disadvantage 'cause you have Zero rhythm cells.
[ laughs .]
oh, god, there it is.
murray has now used all two moves in his repertoire.
his whole dance library is Moves in his repertoire.
his whole dance library is empty.
his whole dance library is empty.
you're not doing basketball Empty.
you're not doing basketball drills.
you're not doing basketball drills.
he's doing suicides.
Drills.
he's doing suicides.
[ laughs .]
he's doing suicides.
[ laughs .]
so good, man.
It's so good.
[ laughs .]
so good, man.
It's so good.
It's so good.
You hear me, bro.
so good, man.
It's so good.
It's so good.
You hear me, bro.
[ sighs .]
It's so good.
You hear me, bro.
[ sighs .]
[ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughs .]
why am I even trying to [ laughs .]
why am I even trying to dance? why am I even trying to dance? I know how to win this.
Dance? I know how to win this.
oh, really? I know how to win this.
oh, really? Okay, that's great.
oh, really? Okay, that's great.
So now you're gonna dance.
Okay, that's great.
So now you're gonna dance.
I'm gonna win right now.
So now you're gonna dance.
I'm gonna win right now.
Oh, my god, I cannot believe I'm gonna win right now.
Oh, my god, I cannot believe what I'm listening to.
no.
what am I listening to? Oh, thanks.
what am I listening to? Oh, thanks.
I'm listening yanni's new album.
Oh, thanks.
I'm listening yanni's new album.
no.
No.
I'm listening yanni's new album.
no.
No.
wow, that was really fast.
no.
No.
wow, that was really fast.
I won.
wow, that was really fast.
I won.
So nice to meet you.
I won.
So nice to meet you.
I got to run.
So nice to meet you.
I got to run.
that's a loophole.
I got to run.
that's a loophole.
That's a serious loophole.
that's a loophole.
That's a serious loophole.
we should have closed that.
That's a serious loophole.
we should have closed that.
good job, murr.
we should have closed that.
good job, murr.
[ ding! .]
good job, murr.
[ ding! .]
narrator: Sal was out of step [ ding! .]
narrator: Sal was out of step in this challenge, making him narrator: Sal was out of step in this challenge, making him tonight's big loser.
In this challenge, making him tonight's big loser.
sal is our big loser.
Tonight's big loser.
sal is our big loser.
And for your punishment, buddy, sal is our big loser.
And for your punishment, buddy, you have to go downstairs and And for your punishment, buddy, you have to go downstairs and talk to a roomful of troubled You have to go downstairs and talk to a roomful of troubled teens and scare some sense into Talk to a roomful of troubled teens and scare some sense into them.
Teens and scare some sense into them.
now, we put together a Them.
now, we put together a tableful of props that you have now, we put together a tableful of props that you have to incorporate into your speech, Tableful of props that you have to incorporate into your speech, okay? To incorporate into your speech, okay? But you won't be able to see any Okay? But you won't be able to see any of them.
But you won't be able to see any of them.
why? Of them.
why? [ laughs .]
why? [ laughs .]
because you're gonna be [ laughs .]
because you're gonna be wearing these blackout because you're gonna be wearing these blackout sunglasses.
Wearing these blackout sunglasses.
oh, so I won't know what I'm Sunglasses.
oh, so I won't know what I'm holding.
oh, so I won't know what I'm holding.
yes.
Holding.
yes.
you look like the biggest dog yes.
you look like the biggest dog on the block, baby.
you look like the biggest dog on the block, baby.
You go down there, you scare On the block, baby.
You go down there, you scare those kids on the right path.
You go down there, you scare those kids on the right path.
hey, who wants to get their Those kids on the right path.
hey, who wants to get their necks broken? hey, who wants to get their necks broken? you got to try harder.
Necks broken? you got to try harder.
[ laughter .]
you got to try harder.
[ laughter .]
all right, time to go.
[ laughter .]
all right, time to go.
ah! You gonna hit me every All right, time to go.
ah! You gonna hit me every time? ah! You gonna hit me every time? come on, in you go.
Time? come on, in you go.
Go straight.
Go straight.
come on, in you go.
Go straight.
Go straight.
oh, this is so bad, guys.
Go straight.
Go straight.
oh, this is so bad, guys.
you're a convict, remember.
oh, this is so bad, guys.
you're a convict, remember.
come on, be tough.
you're a convict, remember.
come on, be tough.
all right, bud, have fun.
come on, be tough.
all right, bud, have fun.
we bad.
Say it.
We bad.
all right, bud, have fun.
we bad.
Say it.
We bad.
we bad.
we bad.
Say it.
We bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
He ain't bad.
we bad.
He ain't bad.
He ain't bad at all.
[ laughter .]
we did a good job making him look like a real convict.
Look like a real convict.
Those kids on the right path.
If by now you don't know that Those kids on the right path.
If by now you don't know that he's not walking into a roomful If by now you don't know that he's not walking into a roomful of teenagers, you've never seen He's not walking into a roomful of teenagers, you've never seen our show before.
Of teenagers, you've never seen our show before.
there's no teenagers.
Our show before.
there's no teenagers.
There's -- there's no teenagers.
There's -- no, no, no! There's -- no, no, no! hard left.
no, no, no! hard left.
hard left.
hard left.
hard left.
good lucky, buddy.
hard left.
good lucky, buddy.
We're leaving you to your own good lucky, buddy.
We're leaving you to your own devices on this one, pal, so We're leaving you to your own devices on this one, pal, so do your best, bud.
Devices on this one, pal, so do your best, bud.
Do your best.
do your best, bud.
Do your best.
shut up! Do your best.
shut up! [ laughter .]
shut up! [ laughter .]
I don't want to hear anybody.
[ laughter .]
I don't want to hear anybody.
I got a story to tell.
I don't want to hear anybody.
I got a story to tell.
I got a lesson to teach.
I got a story to tell.
I got a lesson to teach.
And I don't appreciate silence.
I got a lesson to teach.
And I don't appreciate silence.
I want silence! And I don't appreciate silence.
I want silence! [ laughter .]
I want silence! [ laughter .]
my name is salvo cano, and I've [ laughter .]
my name is salvo cano, and I've been locked up for 20 years.
My name is salvo cano, and I've been locked up for 20 years.
[ indistinct conversations .]
Been locked up for 20 years.
[ indistinct conversations .]
I said "shut up!" [ indistinct conversations .]
I said "shut up!" [ laughter .]
I said "shut up!" [ laughter .]
you're really scaring these [ laughter .]
you're really scaring these kids.
you're really scaring these kids.
prison is not a game! Kids.
prison is not a game! You think you're hard? prison is not a game! You think you're hard? I'm the hard one! You think you're hard? I'm the hard one! I'll show you hard! I'm the hard one! I'll show you hard! I will show you hard! I'll show you hard! I will show you hard! that's a retired cop.
I will show you hard! that's a retired cop.
[ laughter .]
that's a retired cop.
[ laughter .]
tell you about myself.
[ laughter .]
tell you about myself.
When I was young like you guys, tell you about myself.
When I was young like you guys, I thought I was tough.
When I was young like you guys, I thought I was tough.
[ laughter .]
I thought I was tough.
[ laughter .]
but let me tell you something.
[ laughter .]
but let me tell you something.
I didn't know what tough was But let me tell you something.
I didn't know what tough was until I went to prison! I didn't know what tough was until I went to prison! [ laughter .]
Until I went to prison! [ laughter .]
your tableful of props are [ laughter .]
your tableful of props are right in front of you.
your tableful of props are right in front of you.
I got some stuff I want to Right in front of you.
I got some stuff I want to talk to you about.
I used to do graffiti! yeah, good guess.
all right.
yeah, good guess.
all right.
I thought it was cool.
all right.
I thought it was cool.
I had a tag name.
I thought it was cool.
I had a tag name.
Ja-crispy.
I had a tag name.
Ja-crispy.
[ laughter .]
Ja-crispy.
[ laughter .]
do you know what the penalty is [ laughter .]
do you know what the penalty is for graffiti? Do you know what the penalty is for graffiti? At first, it's just a citation.
For graffiti? At first, it's just a citation.
But when you keep it up, you'll At first, it's just a citation.
But when you keep it up, you'll land your ass in the clink.
But when you keep it up, you'll land your ass in the clink.
you're not scary enough.
Land your ass in the clink.
you're not scary enough.
you look nice and tight, boy.
you're not scary enough.
you look nice and tight, boy.
[ laughter .]
you look nice and tight, boy.
[ laughter .]
that's what people are gonna [ laughter .]
that's what people are gonna tell you in there.
That's what people are gonna tell you in there.
Now, drugs! Tell you in there.
Now, drugs! it's a bag of tylenol.
Now, drugs! it's a bag of tylenol.
you guys want to spend the it's a bag of tylenol.
you guys want to spend the next 50 years in here with me?! you guys want to spend the next 50 years in here with me?! she's laughing! Next 50 years in here with me?! she's laughing! [ laughter .]
she's laughing! [ laughter .]
these hurt.
[ laughter .]
these hurt.
These hurt when they put them on these hurt.
These hurt when they put them on you.
These hurt when they put them on you.
You don't want your parents to You.
You don't want your parents to see you in these.
You don't want your parents to see you in these.
[ laughter .]
See you in these.
[ laughter .]
you're really scaring them [ laughter .]
you're really scaring them straight, bud.
you're really scaring them straight, bud.
so Straight, bud.
so This is so not teens.
so This is so not teens.
take the glasses off.
This is so not teens.
take the glasses off.
oh.
take the glasses off.
oh.
[ laughter .]
There's so many of you.
[ laughter .]
shut your face, grandma! [ laughter .]
shut your face, grandma! shut your face, grandma! shut your face, grandma! shut your face, grandma! [ laughter .]
shut your face, grandma! [ laughter .]
you keep it up.
[ laughter .]
you keep it up.
Keep doing it.
you keep it up.
Keep doing it.
You got to still do it.
Keep doing it.
You got to still do it.
you know what this means? Means I killed somebody.
you think this is the only ink I got? you think this is the only ink I got? you think this is the only Ink I got? you think this is the only ink I got.
you think this is the only ink I got.
Oh Ink I got.
Oh I think you got another one Oh I think you got another one you might want to show them, I think you got another one you might want to show them, buddy.
You might want to show them, buddy.
show them your other tattoo.
Buddy.
show them your other tattoo.
there's a tattoo on my leg show them your other tattoo.
there's a tattoo on my leg that I'm gonna show you.
there's a tattoo on my leg that I'm gonna show you.
[ laughter .]
That I'm gonna show you.
[ laughter .]
I've been laughed at enough for [ laughter .]
I've been laughed at enough for it, so pipe down.
I've been laughed at enough for it, so pipe down.
[ laughter .]
It, so pipe down.
[ laughter .]
sal, knock the chair over.
[ laughter .]
sal, knock the chair over.
throw that chair.
Get angry.
[ laughter .]
no one here's gonna end up in prison, right? right! Prison, right? right! am I right? right! am I right? right! am I right? right! who needs a good right! who needs a good old-fashioned [bleep.]
who needs a good old-fashioned [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
Old-fashioned [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
you look right at them and [ laughter .]
you look right at them and say it.
you look right at them and say it.
once you say it, it's over.
Say it.
once you say it, it's over.
oh once you say it, it's over.
oh all you got to do is say it, oh all you got to do is say it, buddy, and you leave.
this is it.
This is what I'm gonna leave you with because this is the thing This is what I'm gonna leave you with because this is the thing that you should fear the most.
Who Oh.
Who wants a Oh.
Who wants a Oh.
Who wants a Oh.
oh, god, he's gonna say it to Oh.
oh, god, he's gonna say it to them.
oh, god, he's gonna say it to them.
he has to.
Them.
he has to.
who wants a he has to.
who wants a Oh! who wants a Oh! Who [groans.]
Oh! Who [groans.]
who wants a good old-fashioned Who [groans.]
who wants a good old-fashioned [bleep.]
Who wants a good old-fashioned [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
That's what gonna happen.
Because if you end up in prison, I will [bleep.]
you! oh! [ laughter .]
Oh! [ applause .]
they're clapping! ja-crispy! I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry!
catch me! [ laughter .]
catch me! [ laughter .]
catch me! narrator: What's got q acting Catch me! narrator: What's got q acting like such a pussy? narrator: What's got q acting like such a pussy? meow, meow, meow, meow, Like such a pussy? meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
narrator: And orange will be [ laughter .]
narrator: And orange will be the new black for one joker in narrator: And orange will be the new black for one joker in tonight's big punishment.
The new black for one joker in tonight's big punishment.
[ laughter .]
Tonight's big punishment.
[ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today we're at the legendary gleason's gym, giving boxing lessons to new students.
Gleason's gym, giving boxing lessons to new students.
while training, we'll have to Lessons to new students.
while training, we'll have to do and say what the other guys while training, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
Do and say what the other guys tell us.
at the end, we'll ask the Tell us.
at the end, we'll ask the boxers if they want to take at the end, we'll ask the boxers if they want to take another lesson with us.
if you can't get your student To sign up for another training Session, you lose.
hit me.
[ groans .]
Hands, man.
you're looking good, buddy.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
Here we go.
hey, bud.
Come on in.
So, the first thing I'm gonna hey, bud.
Come on in.
So, the first thing I'm gonna teach you is a couple of jabs.
So, the first thing I'm gonna teach you is a couple of jabs.
Okay, like a one-two punch, Teach you is a couple of jabs.
Okay, like a one-two punch, okay? Okay, like a one-two punch, okay? One, two, nice, yeah.
Okay? One, two, nice, yeah.
murr, yell catch me and just One, two, nice, yeah.
murr, yell catch me and just start bouncing off the ropes.
murr, yell catch me and just start bouncing off the ropes.
okay, so one-two.
Start bouncing off the ropes.
okay, so one-two.
Catch me! [ laughter .]
Catch me! Catch me! [ laughter .]
Nice.
Good job, man.
Good job.
let's lay down together for a second.
let's lay down together for a second.
take a seat, man.
Second.
take a seat, man.
Lay down with me.
take a seat, man.
Lay down with me.
you want to get to know the Lay down with me.
you want to get to know the ring.
you want to get to know the ring.
you want Ring.
you want You want to get to know the you want You want to get to know the ring.
You want to get to know the ring.
you know how much saliva is Ring.
you know how much saliva is in this ring right now? you know how much saliva is in this ring right now? How much sweat we're laying on? In this ring right now? How much sweat we're laying on? Blood? How much sweat we're laying on? Blood? do you know how much blood Blood? do you know how much blood and saliva are on this ring do you know how much blood and saliva are on this ring right now? And saliva are on this ring right now? [ laughter .]
Right now? [ laughter .]
and you know how I know [ laughter .]
and you know how I know you're serious about being a and you know how I know you're serious about being a boxer? You're serious about being a boxer? you know how I know you're Boxer? you know how I know you're serious about being a boxer? you know how I know you're serious about being a boxer? 'cause you're willing to lie Serious about being a boxer? 'cause you're willing to lie in all this body fluid.
'cause you're willing to lie in all this body fluid.
'cause you're willing to lie In all this body fluid.
'cause you're willing to lie in all of this body fluid.
'cause you're willing to lie in all of this body fluid.
[ laughter .]
In all of this body fluid.
[ laughter .]
all right, just start [ laughter .]
all right, just start flip-flopping around like a dead all right, just start flip-flopping around like a dead fish.
Flip-flopping around like a dead fish.
okay, here's what I want you Fish.
okay, here's what I want you to do.
okay, here's what I want you to do.
On three, flip over.
To do.
On three, flip over.
Okay, like, I'll show you.
On three, flip over.
Okay, like, I'll show you.
Ready? Not bad.
Now go the opposite way.
[ laughter .]
Now go the opposite way.
[ laughter .]
do you think based on just this [ laughter .]
do you think based on just this introductory lesson you would Do you think based on just this introductory lesson you would want to take another boxing Introductory lesson you would want to take another boxing class with me? Want to take another boxing class with me? yeah.
Class with me? yeah.
ohhhh! yeah.
ohhhh! very cool, man.
ohhhh! very cool, man.
Catch me! very cool, man.
Catch me! Come on, you son of a bitch! Catch me! Come on, you son of a bitch! What do you got? Come on, you son of a bitch! What do you got? [ ding! .]
hardknocks sal.
this is an action-oriented, Aggressive, confident sal? it's the school I went to.
this is your guy right here.
Say, "let's go, cupcake.
" [ laughter .]
let's go, cupcake.
I got cupcakes on my mind.
I love the red velvet.
there goes hardknocks sal I love the red velvet.
there goes hardknocks sal right out the window.
there goes hardknocks sal right out the window.
[ laughter .]
Right out the window.
[ laughter .]
sal, work on some footwork.
[ laughter .]
sal, work on some footwork.
yeah, a little footwork sal, work on some footwork.
yeah, a little footwork action.
yeah, a little footwork action.
show him the electric slide.
Action.
show him the electric slide.
I'm gonna show you a little show him the electric slide.
I'm gonna show you a little footwork, all right? [ laughter .]
there it is, the electric slide.
there it is, the electric slide.
[ laughter .]
Slide.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
have him mirror you, sal.
okay.
have him mirror you, sal.
Tell him to mirror you.
have him mirror you, sal.
Tell him to mirror you.
okay, you mirror me.
Tell him to mirror you.
okay, you mirror me.
Mirror me.
okay, you mirror me.
Mirror me.
da, da, da, three.
Mirror me.
da, da, da, three.
Da, da da, da, da, three.
Da, da da, da, da, da Da, da da, da, da, da [ laughter .]
he's doing the electric slide in the ring! I'm gonna swing now.
In the ring! I'm gonna swing now.
You duck.
I'm gonna swing now.
You duck.
I'm gonna swing, you duck, You duck.
I'm gonna swing, you duck, and then come back up and hit.
I'm gonna swing, you duck, and then come back up and hit.
Ready? And then come back up and hit.
Ready? great.
Now every time he Ready? great.
Now every time he ducks, you get to say "quack.
" great.
Now every time he ducks, you get to say "quack.
" all right.
Ducks, you get to say "quack.
" all right.
Duck.
Quack.
Nice.
all right.
Duck.
Quack.
Nice.
[ laughter .]
Duck.
Quack.
Nice.
[ laughter .]
duck.
Quack.
[ laughter .]
duck.
Quack.
that's so stupid.
Duck.
Quack.
that's so stupid.
duck.
Quack, quack.
that's so stupid.
duck.
Quack, quack.
Nice, got a whole flock of duck.
Quack, quack.
Nice, got a whole flock of ducks.
Nice, got a whole flock of ducks.
sal, show him some of your Ducks.
sal, show him some of your gelatinous moves.
sal, show him some of your gelatinous moves.
yeah.
Gelatinous moves.
yeah.
[ laughter .]
yeah.
[ laughter .]
try to hit me.
[ laughter .]
try to hit me.
you know those things at the try to hit me.
you know those things at the used-car lots? you know those things at the used-car lots? inflatable guys.
Used-car lots? inflatable guys.
0% financing.
inflatable guys.
0% financing.
[ laughter .]
0% financing.
[ laughter .]
all right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
all right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
All right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
given the opportunity, would you [ laughter .]
given the opportunity, would you be willing to take another Given the opportunity, would you be willing to take another session with me? Be willing to take another session with me? I would love to, but I Session with me? I would love to, but I actually leave tomorrow.
I would love to, but I actually leave tomorrow.
aaaah! Actually leave tomorrow.
aaaah! [ buzzer .]
aaaah! [ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
in what world does a Middle-aged joe gatto train Boxing? there you go.
got it.
what's your name, bud? todd.
joe.
Good to see you, todd.
How are you? Let me see a little bit of form, you know, what's your stance like.
You know, what's your stance like.
Good.
Like.
Good.
cover that double chin.
Good.
cover that double chin.
what I got to -- what I got cover that double chin.
what I got to -- what I got to do when I keep up my stance what I got to -- what I got to do when I keep up my stance up, right, I protect that To do when I keep up my stance up, right, I protect that double chin.
Up, right, I protect that double chin.
I got to protect my -- you know, Double chin.
I got to protect my -- you know, this front one here gets blocked I got to protect my -- you know, this front one here gets blocked by this one.
This front one here gets blocked by this one.
You protect your single chin.
By this one.
You protect your single chin.
I'll protect my double chin.
You protect your single chin.
I'll protect my double chin.
working on that triple chin.
I'll protect my double chin.
working on that triple chin.
yeah, I've been working hard working on that triple chin.
yeah, I've been working hard on that triple chin.
yeah, I've been working hard on that triple chin.
joe, can you show him your On that triple chin.
joe, can you show him your patented two-handed punch? joe, can you show him your patented two-handed punch? sometimes you get people, you Patented two-handed punch? sometimes you get people, you don't know how they punch, and sometimes you get people, you don't know how they punch, and they're gonna punch at you like Don't know how they punch, and they're gonna punch at you like that.
They're gonna punch at you like that.
You're gonna do a two-handed That.
You're gonna do a two-handed punch.
You're gonna do a two-handed punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
Punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
One, two.
Two-hand punch.
why's your neck snapping as One, two.
Two-hand punch.
why's your neck snapping as you do it? why's your neck snapping as you do it? yeah, take that, and then You do it? yeah, take that, and then his neck is like whiplash.
yeah, take that, and then his neck is like whiplash.
he's literally gonna have a his neck is like whiplash.
he's literally gonna have a heart attack.
he's literally gonna have a heart attack.
I think I just threw my neck Heart attack.
I think I just threw my neck out a little bit.
I think I just threw my neck out a little bit.
[ laughter .]
Out a little bit.
[ laughter .]
joe, is that a bee in the [ laughter .]
joe, is that a bee in the ring? joe, is that a bee in the ring? Bzzzz.
Ring? Bzzzz.
Bzzzz.
Bzzzz.
Bzzzz.
one, two, one, two.
Bzzzz.
one, two, one, two.
Uppercuts, ready? one, two, one, two.
Uppercuts, ready? Uppercut.
Uppercuts, ready? Uppercut.
the guy doesn't know what's Uppercut.
the guy doesn't know what's going on.
the guy doesn't know what's going on.
Uh-oh, two bees.
Going on.
Uh-oh, two bees.
Bzzz bzzz bzzz.
Uh-oh, two bees.
Bzzz bzzz bzzz.
Bzz bzz bzz.
Bzzzzz! [bleep.]
it's a hornet's nest! I got to float like a it's a hornet's nest! I got to float like a butterfly 'cause I'm getting I got to float like a butterfly 'cause I'm getting stung by these bees.
Butterfly 'cause I'm getting stung by these bees.
[ laughter .]
Stung by these bees.
[ laughter .]
let me ask you a question.
[ laughter .]
let me ask you a question.
Do you think, uh -- would you Let me ask you a question.
Do you think, uh -- would you like to take another training Do you think, uh -- would you like to take another training session with me? Like to take another training session with me? oh, come on! Session with me? oh, come on! yeah, right, why not? oh, come on! yeah, right, why not? It was a good time, right? yeah, right, why not? It was a good time, right? oh, man! It was a good time, right? oh, man! [ ding! .]
this gym is literally where Legends trained.
yeah, and us.
and us.
[ laughs .]
Here he comes.
oh, he's sweaty already, bud.
He's drenched in sweat.
oh, he's sweaty already, bud.
He's drenched in sweat.
Give him a hug.
He's drenched in sweat.
Give him a hug.
hi.
What's your name? Give him a hug.
hi.
What's your name? george.
hi.
What's your name? george.
george? george.
george? yeah.
george? yeah.
what's up, man? yeah.
what's up, man? [ laughter .]
what's up, man? [ laughter .]
all right, so, yeah.
[ laughter .]
all right, so, yeah.
Yeah, you got it.
All right.
all right, so, yeah.
Yeah, you got it.
All right.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Yeah, you got it.
All right.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Yeah, you're killing it.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Yeah, you're killing it.
I like this.
Yeah, you're killing it.
I like this.
holy [bleep.]
I like this.
holy [bleep.]
this guy is jacked, man.
holy [bleep.]
this guy is jacked, man.
nice! Oh! You're holding back? yes.
all right, go for it.
yes.
all right, go for it.
Unleash, unleash! [ laughter .]
you're building up a good sweat.
That's good.
Sweat.
That's good.
Let me smell that armpit.
you, uh [ laughter .]
you're working up a good Sweat.
Let me smell that armpit.
What do you say? Nah? All right.
[ laughter .]
you got lucky.
Let me see your knockout you got lucky.
Let me see your knockout celebration.
Let me see your knockout celebration.
all right, let me ask you Celebration.
all right, let me ask you something.
all right, let me ask you something.
Let's say you knock a fool out Something.
Let's say you knock a fool out in the ring, right? You've done it? How do you celebrate? Let me see your celebration.
You don't celebrate? You just go to the corner.
Wow.
q, show him how you celebrate, which is highly q, show him how you celebrate, which is highly unprofessional.
Celebrate, which is highly unprofessional.
I do celebrate a little bit.
Unprofessional.
I do celebrate a little bit.
So, like, let's say I knocked I do celebrate a little bit.
So, like, let's say I knocked the guy out.
So, like, let's say I knocked the guy out.
Then I'm like, "yeah, in your The guy out.
Then I'm like, "yeah, in your face! Then I'm like, "yeah, in your face! In your face! Suck it! Face! In your face! Suck it! Aaah!" In your face! Suck it! Aaah!" [ imitates farting noise .]
Aaah!" [ imitates farting noise .]
[ laughs mockingly .]
[ imitates farting noise .]
[ laughs mockingly .]
"now you eat farts!" [ laughs mockingly .]
"now you eat farts!" now you eat farts? "now you eat farts!" now you eat farts? they call that now you eat farts? they call that unsportsmanlike.
you agree? [ laughter .]
just based on what I've pulled off here today, do you think Just based on what I've pulled off here today, do you think that you would take more lessons Off here today, do you think that you would take more lessons with me? [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Sal and q were beat to the punch, so they're first up on the loser board.
To the punch, so they're first up on the loser board.
today we're at the Up on the loser board.
today we're at the palisades mall, listening to today we're at the palisades mall, listening to some sick beats and bopping to Palisades mall, listening to some sick beats and bopping to the music.
Some sick beats and bopping to the music.
you could be wearing these The music.
you could be wearing these headphones and rocking out in you could be wearing these headphones and rocking out in front of as many peeps as Headphones and rocking out in front of as many peeps as possible.
the goal is to be rocking out So hard that people are Compelled to ask what you're Listening to.
if you can't get them to ask, You lose.
we're so white.
[ laughter .]
okay, so, the goal here is to Get them to ask what you're Dancing to.
got it.
and we don't have to do Anything.
We get to just watch.
we just get to watch and see What happens.
I love days like this.
I get to watch you guys make a Jackass off yourself.
but you go, too.
yeah, I know.
you realize sal's the only one of us that has any kind rhythm, right? One of us that has any kind rhythm, right? tell you what, I love to Rhythm, right? tell you what, I love to watch him dance.
tell you what, I love to watch him dance.
there he goes.
Watch him dance.
there he goes.
[ laughter .]
did you pull your fat yet, or what? [ laughter .]
What? [ laughter .]
uh-oh.
Oh, he's getting serious.
[ laughter .]
uh-oh.
Oh, he's getting serious.
is that the double dutch? Uh-oh.
Oh, he's getting serious.
is that the double dutch? yeah, there it is.
is that the double dutch? yeah, there it is.
[ laughter .]
yeah, there it is.
[ laughter .]
how does his body do that? [ laughter .]
how does his body do that? song, I love this song how does his body do that? song, I love this song [ laughter .]
he was trying to make it fall over like they do in the movies.
You idiot! Over like they do in the movies.
You idiot! That chair was about to fall.
You idiot! That chair was about to fall.
yeah, you come down and do That chair was about to fall.
yeah, you come down and do it.
yeah, you come down and do it.
[ laughter .]
It.
[ laughter .]
hi.
How are you guys doing? [ laughter .]
hi.
How are you guys doing? [ laughter .]
Hi.
How are you guys doing? [ laughter .]
nothing.
Nothing.
[ singing indistinctly .]
[ laughter .]
[ singing indistinctly .]
the wire! [ singing indistinctly .]
the wire! [ laughter .]
the wire! [ laughter .]
is that a good song you're [ laughter .]
is that a good song you're listening to, buddy? is that a good song you're listening to, buddy? yeah, how's that? Listening to, buddy? yeah, how's that? yeah, 'cause the wire's yeah, how's that? yeah, 'cause the wire's hanging out.
yeah, 'cause the wire's hanging out.
[ laughter .]
Hanging out.
[ laughter .]
the wire was swinging around [ laughter .]
the wire was swinging around your body unconnected to The wire was swinging around your body unconnected to anything, any source of sound.
Your body unconnected to anything, any source of sound.
And they're gone! Anything, any source of sound.
And they're gone! they think I'm a nut case.
And they're gone! they think I'm a nut case.
you are a nut case.
they think I'm a nut case.
you are a nut case.
[ buzzer .]
all right, here he comes.
The best dancer of the four of Us if we're gonna be honest.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
The jacket's off.
it's a hawaiian cat shirt.
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
Meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
you look crazy, but in a [ laughter .]
you look crazy, but in a way -- you look crazy, but in a way -- fun crazy.
Way -- fun crazy.
in a way that we feel sad for fun crazy.
in a way that we feel sad for you.
in a way that we feel sad for you.
meow, meow, meow, meow, You.
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow I mean, I'm telling you this Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow I mean, I'm telling you this goes on in his house when no I mean, I'm telling you this goes on in his house when no one's there.
Goes on in his house when no one's there.
meow, meow, meow, meow, One's there.
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow they want nothing to do with Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow they want nothing to do with you.
they want nothing to do with you.
meow, meow, meow, meow.
You.
meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow! meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow! [ laughter .]
Meow! [ laughter .]
meow, meow, meow, meow [ laughter .]
meow, meow, meow, meow you like that? meow, meow, meow, meow you like that? meow, meow, meow, meow, you like that? meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, meow, meow [ sings indistinctly .]
I mean, come on.
I make a motion that we give it to him.
I make a motion that we give it to him.
He got her to dance with him.
It to him.
He got her to dance with him.
you got her to dance.
He got her to dance with him.
you got her to dance.
Good work, man.
Good work.
you got her to dance.
Good work, man.
Good work.
[ ding! .]
what is happening? first you need to establish Credibility with a swag walk.
show me for real your best atte-- and I'm dead serious.
to walk with swag? Atte-- and I'm dead serious.
to walk with swag? yes.
stop pushing your stomach out.
What are you doing? Out.
What are you doing? [ laughter .]
What are you doing? [ laughter .]
that's not swag.
That's slug.
[ laughter .]
that's not swag.
That's slug.
all right, boys, time to that's not swag.
That's slug.
all right, boys, time to upgrade the hardware.
all right, boys, time to upgrade the hardware.
what are you talking about? Upgrade the hardware.
what are you talking about? What are you doing, bud? [ laughter .]
where did you get those? oh, these are beats.
where did you get those? oh, these are beats.
These are dope.
oh, these are beats.
These are dope.
[ laughter .]
These are dope.
[ laughter .]
he looks like -- he looks [ laughter .]
he looks like -- he looks like princess leia.
he looks like -- he looks like princess leia.
you know where the food Like princess leia.
you know where the food court's at? you know where the food court's at? [ laughter .]
Court's at? [ laughter .]
upstairs? Thank you, bro.
[ laughter .]
upstairs? Thank you, bro.
So loud with these new Upstairs? Thank you, bro.
So loud with these new headphones.
So loud with these new headphones.
you look so stupid.
Headphones.
you look so stupid.
dope [bleep.]
you look so stupid.
dope [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
oh! what the [bleep.]
what's going on? what the [bleep.]
what's going on? [ laughter .]
right, you know what I'm saying, right? wow.
Saying, right? wow.
what just happened? right, you know? Oh, yeah, of course you can hear That.
oh! here you go.
those girls fell right in line with your dancing.
that's unbelievable.
Line with your dancing.
that's unbelievable.
girls are attracted to size.
that's unbelievable.
girls are attracted to size.
Size does matter, boys.
girls are attracted to size.
Size does matter, boys.
[ laughter .]
Size does matter, boys.
[ laughter .]
all right, that's how you [ laughter .]
all right, that's how you [bleep.]
do it.
All right, that's how you [bleep.]
do it.
[ ding! .]
so, murr, you're at a basic Disadvantage 'cause you have Zero rhythm cells.
[ laughs .]
oh, god, there it is.
murray has now used all two moves in his repertoire.
his whole dance library is Moves in his repertoire.
his whole dance library is empty.
his whole dance library is empty.
you're not doing basketball Empty.
you're not doing basketball drills.
you're not doing basketball drills.
he's doing suicides.
Drills.
he's doing suicides.
[ laughs .]
he's doing suicides.
[ laughs .]
so good, man.
It's so good.
[ laughs .]
so good, man.
It's so good.
It's so good.
You hear me, bro.
so good, man.
It's so good.
It's so good.
You hear me, bro.
[ sighs .]
It's so good.
You hear me, bro.
[ sighs .]
[ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughs .]
why am I even trying to [ laughs .]
why am I even trying to dance? why am I even trying to dance? I know how to win this.
Dance? I know how to win this.
oh, really? I know how to win this.
oh, really? Okay, that's great.
oh, really? Okay, that's great.
So now you're gonna dance.
Okay, that's great.
So now you're gonna dance.
I'm gonna win right now.
So now you're gonna dance.
I'm gonna win right now.
Oh, my god, I cannot believe I'm gonna win right now.
Oh, my god, I cannot believe what I'm listening to.
no.
what am I listening to? Oh, thanks.
what am I listening to? Oh, thanks.
I'm listening yanni's new album.
Oh, thanks.
I'm listening yanni's new album.
no.
No.
I'm listening yanni's new album.
no.
No.
wow, that was really fast.
no.
No.
wow, that was really fast.
I won.
wow, that was really fast.
I won.
So nice to meet you.
I won.
So nice to meet you.
I got to run.
So nice to meet you.
I got to run.
that's a loophole.
I got to run.
that's a loophole.
That's a serious loophole.
that's a loophole.
That's a serious loophole.
we should have closed that.
That's a serious loophole.
we should have closed that.
good job, murr.
we should have closed that.
good job, murr.
[ ding! .]
good job, murr.
[ ding! .]
narrator: Sal was out of step [ ding! .]
narrator: Sal was out of step in this challenge, making him narrator: Sal was out of step in this challenge, making him tonight's big loser.
In this challenge, making him tonight's big loser.
sal is our big loser.
Tonight's big loser.
sal is our big loser.
And for your punishment, buddy, sal is our big loser.
And for your punishment, buddy, you have to go downstairs and And for your punishment, buddy, you have to go downstairs and talk to a roomful of troubled You have to go downstairs and talk to a roomful of troubled teens and scare some sense into Talk to a roomful of troubled teens and scare some sense into them.
Teens and scare some sense into them.
now, we put together a Them.
now, we put together a tableful of props that you have now, we put together a tableful of props that you have to incorporate into your speech, Tableful of props that you have to incorporate into your speech, okay? To incorporate into your speech, okay? But you won't be able to see any Okay? But you won't be able to see any of them.
But you won't be able to see any of them.
why? Of them.
why? [ laughs .]
why? [ laughs .]
because you're gonna be [ laughs .]
because you're gonna be wearing these blackout because you're gonna be wearing these blackout sunglasses.
Wearing these blackout sunglasses.
oh, so I won't know what I'm Sunglasses.
oh, so I won't know what I'm holding.
oh, so I won't know what I'm holding.
yes.
Holding.
yes.
you look like the biggest dog yes.
you look like the biggest dog on the block, baby.
you look like the biggest dog on the block, baby.
You go down there, you scare On the block, baby.
You go down there, you scare those kids on the right path.
You go down there, you scare those kids on the right path.
hey, who wants to get their Those kids on the right path.
hey, who wants to get their necks broken? hey, who wants to get their necks broken? you got to try harder.
Necks broken? you got to try harder.
[ laughter .]
you got to try harder.
[ laughter .]
all right, time to go.
[ laughter .]
all right, time to go.
ah! You gonna hit me every All right, time to go.
ah! You gonna hit me every time? ah! You gonna hit me every time? come on, in you go.
Time? come on, in you go.
Go straight.
Go straight.
come on, in you go.
Go straight.
Go straight.
oh, this is so bad, guys.
Go straight.
Go straight.
oh, this is so bad, guys.
you're a convict, remember.
oh, this is so bad, guys.
you're a convict, remember.
come on, be tough.
you're a convict, remember.
come on, be tough.
all right, bud, have fun.
come on, be tough.
all right, bud, have fun.
we bad.
Say it.
We bad.
all right, bud, have fun.
we bad.
Say it.
We bad.
we bad.
we bad.
Say it.
We bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
we bad.
He ain't bad.
we bad.
He ain't bad.
He ain't bad at all.
[ laughter .]
we did a good job making him look like a real convict.
Look like a real convict.
Those kids on the right path.
If by now you don't know that Those kids on the right path.
If by now you don't know that he's not walking into a roomful If by now you don't know that he's not walking into a roomful of teenagers, you've never seen He's not walking into a roomful of teenagers, you've never seen our show before.
Of teenagers, you've never seen our show before.
there's no teenagers.
Our show before.
there's no teenagers.
There's -- there's no teenagers.
There's -- no, no, no! There's -- no, no, no! hard left.
no, no, no! hard left.
hard left.
hard left.
hard left.
good lucky, buddy.
hard left.
good lucky, buddy.
We're leaving you to your own good lucky, buddy.
We're leaving you to your own devices on this one, pal, so We're leaving you to your own devices on this one, pal, so do your best, bud.
Devices on this one, pal, so do your best, bud.
Do your best.
do your best, bud.
Do your best.
shut up! Do your best.
shut up! [ laughter .]
shut up! [ laughter .]
I don't want to hear anybody.
[ laughter .]
I don't want to hear anybody.
I got a story to tell.
I don't want to hear anybody.
I got a story to tell.
I got a lesson to teach.
I got a story to tell.
I got a lesson to teach.
And I don't appreciate silence.
I got a lesson to teach.
And I don't appreciate silence.
I want silence! And I don't appreciate silence.
I want silence! [ laughter .]
I want silence! [ laughter .]
my name is salvo cano, and I've [ laughter .]
my name is salvo cano, and I've been locked up for 20 years.
My name is salvo cano, and I've been locked up for 20 years.
[ indistinct conversations .]
Been locked up for 20 years.
[ indistinct conversations .]
I said "shut up!" [ indistinct conversations .]
I said "shut up!" [ laughter .]
I said "shut up!" [ laughter .]
you're really scaring these [ laughter .]
you're really scaring these kids.
you're really scaring these kids.
prison is not a game! Kids.
prison is not a game! You think you're hard? prison is not a game! You think you're hard? I'm the hard one! You think you're hard? I'm the hard one! I'll show you hard! I'm the hard one! I'll show you hard! I will show you hard! I'll show you hard! I will show you hard! that's a retired cop.
I will show you hard! that's a retired cop.
[ laughter .]
that's a retired cop.
[ laughter .]
tell you about myself.
[ laughter .]
tell you about myself.
When I was young like you guys, tell you about myself.
When I was young like you guys, I thought I was tough.
When I was young like you guys, I thought I was tough.
[ laughter .]
I thought I was tough.
[ laughter .]
but let me tell you something.
[ laughter .]
but let me tell you something.
I didn't know what tough was But let me tell you something.
I didn't know what tough was until I went to prison! I didn't know what tough was until I went to prison! [ laughter .]
Until I went to prison! [ laughter .]
your tableful of props are [ laughter .]
your tableful of props are right in front of you.
your tableful of props are right in front of you.
I got some stuff I want to Right in front of you.
I got some stuff I want to talk to you about.
I used to do graffiti! yeah, good guess.
all right.
yeah, good guess.
all right.
I thought it was cool.
all right.
I thought it was cool.
I had a tag name.
I thought it was cool.
I had a tag name.
Ja-crispy.
I had a tag name.
Ja-crispy.
[ laughter .]
Ja-crispy.
[ laughter .]
do you know what the penalty is [ laughter .]
do you know what the penalty is for graffiti? Do you know what the penalty is for graffiti? At first, it's just a citation.
For graffiti? At first, it's just a citation.
But when you keep it up, you'll At first, it's just a citation.
But when you keep it up, you'll land your ass in the clink.
But when you keep it up, you'll land your ass in the clink.
you're not scary enough.
Land your ass in the clink.
you're not scary enough.
you look nice and tight, boy.
you're not scary enough.
you look nice and tight, boy.
[ laughter .]
you look nice and tight, boy.
[ laughter .]
that's what people are gonna [ laughter .]
that's what people are gonna tell you in there.
That's what people are gonna tell you in there.
Now, drugs! Tell you in there.
Now, drugs! it's a bag of tylenol.
Now, drugs! it's a bag of tylenol.
you guys want to spend the it's a bag of tylenol.
you guys want to spend the next 50 years in here with me?! you guys want to spend the next 50 years in here with me?! she's laughing! Next 50 years in here with me?! she's laughing! [ laughter .]
she's laughing! [ laughter .]
these hurt.
[ laughter .]
these hurt.
These hurt when they put them on these hurt.
These hurt when they put them on you.
These hurt when they put them on you.
You don't want your parents to You.
You don't want your parents to see you in these.
You don't want your parents to see you in these.
[ laughter .]
See you in these.
[ laughter .]
you're really scaring them [ laughter .]
you're really scaring them straight, bud.
you're really scaring them straight, bud.
so Straight, bud.
so This is so not teens.
so This is so not teens.
take the glasses off.
This is so not teens.
take the glasses off.
oh.
take the glasses off.
oh.
[ laughter .]
There's so many of you.
[ laughter .]
shut your face, grandma! [ laughter .]
shut your face, grandma! shut your face, grandma! shut your face, grandma! shut your face, grandma! [ laughter .]
shut your face, grandma! [ laughter .]
you keep it up.
[ laughter .]
you keep it up.
Keep doing it.
you keep it up.
Keep doing it.
You got to still do it.
Keep doing it.
You got to still do it.
you know what this means? Means I killed somebody.
you think this is the only ink I got? you think this is the only ink I got? you think this is the only Ink I got? you think this is the only ink I got.
you think this is the only ink I got.
Oh Ink I got.
Oh I think you got another one Oh I think you got another one you might want to show them, I think you got another one you might want to show them, buddy.
You might want to show them, buddy.
show them your other tattoo.
Buddy.
show them your other tattoo.
there's a tattoo on my leg show them your other tattoo.
there's a tattoo on my leg that I'm gonna show you.
there's a tattoo on my leg that I'm gonna show you.
[ laughter .]
That I'm gonna show you.
[ laughter .]
I've been laughed at enough for [ laughter .]
I've been laughed at enough for it, so pipe down.
I've been laughed at enough for it, so pipe down.
[ laughter .]
It, so pipe down.
[ laughter .]
sal, knock the chair over.
[ laughter .]
sal, knock the chair over.
throw that chair.
Get angry.
[ laughter .]
no one here's gonna end up in prison, right? right! Prison, right? right! am I right? right! am I right? right! am I right? right! who needs a good right! who needs a good old-fashioned [bleep.]
who needs a good old-fashioned [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
Old-fashioned [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
you look right at them and [ laughter .]
you look right at them and say it.
you look right at them and say it.
once you say it, it's over.
Say it.
once you say it, it's over.
oh once you say it, it's over.
oh all you got to do is say it, oh all you got to do is say it, buddy, and you leave.
this is it.
This is what I'm gonna leave you with because this is the thing This is what I'm gonna leave you with because this is the thing that you should fear the most.
Who Oh.
Who wants a Oh.
Who wants a Oh.
Who wants a Oh.
oh, god, he's gonna say it to Oh.
oh, god, he's gonna say it to them.
oh, god, he's gonna say it to them.
he has to.
Them.
he has to.
who wants a he has to.
who wants a Oh! who wants a Oh! Who [groans.]
Oh! Who [groans.]
who wants a good old-fashioned Who [groans.]
who wants a good old-fashioned [bleep.]
Who wants a good old-fashioned [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
That's what gonna happen.
Because if you end up in prison, I will [bleep.]
you! oh! [ laughter .]
Oh! [ applause .]
they're clapping! ja-crispy! I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry!