Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s04e18 Episode Script

[ .]
What's different here? Hard to say.
Could it be That some tenants Have gone away? Halls are empty Rooms are clear What has changed? What has changed? What has changed? Oh, yes.
No more Muslims Are here Haa.
Haa.
No Allah, just Jesus No more Muslim woes No Yasirs or Yousefs Just Jims, Bobs and Joes Just Christians, just Christians Just Christians abound Close enough.
No salaams, no walaikums Sweet Lord, break out the bacon There are no more Muslims To be found So all you Muslims Your time here has passed Thank God Almighty We are free Muslim-free At last Amen [ .]
Season 4 Episode 18 A Lease too Far Oh, Fatima.
I just ordered the coffee.
I'm trying to save money for the new mosque.
It is the imam special.
Order a coffee, get a plate of food free.
I'll have the imam special too.
Fine.
Go away.
Study hard.
Become an imam.
Come back.
Then pay full price.
The special will be over.
[ .]
Rayyan: Salaam alaikum.
Walaikum assalaam.
How's the man who put the "prayer" in the "prairies"? Good.
Although I think it's time to put the "prayer" back in "prayer hall".
I know, not as catchy, but way less cold and wet.
It's not that simple.
When we first started the mosque, Dad looked everywhere.
What about Mercy Arena? A mosque in an arena? - Well, that's as ridiculous - as a mosque in a church.
Let's go! [ .]
[ Phone ringing .]
Hamoudi Contracting.
No job too small.
A doorknob? Well, I-I'm afraid that's a little too small.
Yes.
I-I'll think of a new slogan.
[ Phone ringing .]
Oh! Hamoudi Contracting, no job too big.
A skyscraper? Ah, oh, wait Did you just phone me? [ Laughing under breath .]
Ugh, do I hear giggling? Hey, Sarah.
Oh, I'm on the phone.
Just a minute.
[ Beep, dial tone .]
Oh, they hung up.
I'm sure they'll call back, it's a slow day.
- Yeah.
- Lunch? Sure.
Why not? It's so quiet around here with the mosque gone.
I can't believe the Rev really kicked them out.
Oh, we'll probably be next.
Well, he can't throw out all his tenants.
Reverend Cranky Pants needs the cash.
Well, he'll just probably replace us with new tenants.
Not necessarily.
What if no new tenants want to move in? Why wouldn't they? What if they thought something was wrong with the space? Why would they think that? What if that's what someone told them? Who would do such a thing? An existing tenant? Yeah, but Hamoudi Contracting are the only ones left - [ Gasps .]
Oh, no.
I can't! - You can.
I shouldn't.
- You should! - Wow! This is just like talking to Yasir.
What would he do? Well, he He'd use convoluted logic, - deny it was self-serving, - Mmmm! then he'd jump on his crazy scheme and ride that pony to the finish line.
I'll do it.
Because without that rent money, Thorne is sure to ask the mosque back.
Atta girl.
[ Clicking tongue .]
Giddy up.
[ .]
It's not much.
But It's still standing! Until they tear it down.
Right, well might just give us enough time to find a new mosque.
I don't know Look, I know it's not ideal but it's just for now.
And this situation calls for a compromise.
A mosque in a church is a compromise.
A mosque here is defeat.
There is no such thing as defeat.
Tell that to the Maple Leafs.
Oh! Hockey reference.
Nice touch.
Rayyan, trust me.
All we need is a little belief.
Okay.
I believe in you.
[ Door opens .]
Who was that? I wouldn't worry about it.
[ Sighs .]
Now that the mosque is gone, finally all this space is available for your daycare.
Aw, that's wonderful.
Gosh, I'd love to move out of our basement.
You know, and so would my little friends.
[ Forced laugh .]
Yes, the little ones.
Adorable.
Well, why don't I get the forms and this will officially be the home of Ms.
Parvy's Daytime Stay Place.
Catchy! I got the idea because the kids stay there.
You know, during the day.
I get it.
I get it.
It's um, well why don't I just get the forms 'kay? Hey! Oh, hi, Sarah.
It looks like we're going to be neighbours! You're moving the Stay Place here? Oh, the kids will love it! Especially if they like bugs.
Exactly Bugs? Oh, and they can make a game of trapping them! Centipedes, millipedes, silverfish [ Gasps .]
Slugs for the slow kids.
I, um think I left my keys running you know, in the stove.
Make sure you clean your ears out when you get home.
They love to lay their eggs! My dad's not here.
I don't know when he'll be back.
Any second now.
[ Door opens .]
Whoa! How did you know that was going to happen? Just a guess.
Plus he's been following me around all day.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Layla, would you please get some tea for our, um our guest.
Oh, good.
He's a polite stalker.
Yeah.
So, Brother Amaar.
You must be here to Mock me? I am not.
Or to gloat.
No, Baber.
To berate or deride me? Can you think of another reason I might be here? Let me see.
Mock.
Gloat.
Berate.
Deride.
No, that pretty much covers it.
[ Snaps fingers .]
Antagonize! Fine.
Do your worst.
Look, Baber.
You're an important part of the Muslim community.
We need you.
But it's my fault that we lost the mosque.
Don't worry about what we lost.
We can build a new mosque.
You'd have me back after all that I've done? You bet.
- I am touched.
- Good.
We'll expect to see you at Friday prayers then.
I'll be there at the arena.
[ Chuckles .]
Which, by the way, is a terrible place to have a mosque.
What kind of imam would have a mosque in a place like that? I must say, I do not approve of you or the way you practice Islam! Baber! It's great to have you back.
[ Chuckle .]
And this could be your office.
The larger space would be the actual dance studio.
Now, is dancing appropriate in the church? Of course.
The Lord loves music.
It's in the Bible.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Where? - Towards the back.
So what do you say? Do we have a deal? - Oh, I don't even - Huh? Oh, come on [ Giggling .]
You're quite a salesman of the cloth.
Well I'm going to bring this back tomorrow with the deposit.
[ Giggling .]
Huhhh Da da-da da-da Who are you? - You can't rent this place.
- What? The walls are filled with With asbestos, and and legionnaires' disease, - [ Whispering .]
Legionnaires' disease - and-and it's on it's on an ancient burial site.
Now, I'm not saying haunted, but on a full moon you can hear the plaintive calls of the damned "Get out [ In ghostly voice .]
Get ouuuuuut!" Sarah? Ah! What are you up to? I'm just, um this is the Hamoudi Contracting welcome wagon.
Welcome, neighbour.
Right.
Um, is it true this place is haunted? Ha.
I promise you, there's only one unwanted spirit here and we'll be exorcising her soon.
Okay, I don't want any problems.
I just want a nice, clean place to do some dirty dancing.
Okay? So Ugh.
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.
Now, why did you have to put me - in a spot like this? - I know, I know.
See, on the one hand, I really like you.
Oh.
[ Giggle .]
But on the other hand Get out? [ In ghostly voice .]
Get oouuuuuuuut.
This is great, everyone! We're really making progress! Still a bit filthy though.
That is because it is filthy.
Well, that's true.
But underneath the filth, there is More filth built on a firm base of filth.
Which is probably the only thing that is holding this place together.
It is load-bearing filth! This is not a mosque.
Faisal, it's not that bad.
This is an arena.
Unacceptable.
Am I right? Okay, you're right.
I am? Well, I was due.
This is not a mosque.
A mosque is people.
And, of course, we deserve a proper prayer hall.
But right now, this is the prayer hall we have.
So, maybe we should remain a little humble.
Allah has provided this space for our use.
Are we saying that we're too good for the gifts of Allah? No, I suppose not.
[ .]
We have been looking for a spot like that one for a dog's age! Ah, one more thing.
You don't have any religious associations, do you? Not a one.
No religious nothing.
Where do I sign? Really? You'll take it? - Yup.
- Wow.
Just like that.
Just like that.
Wonderful, well, on behalf of Mercy Anglican, welcome aboard.
And on behalf of the Saskatchewan Brotherhood of White Atheists, I am glad to be here.
Ri-i-ight.
Get out.
Yup.
I saw that coming.
Thanks for your time.
Everything you believe in is a crock.
Back at ya.
[ Phone ringing .]
Mercy Anglican.
Thorne in your ear.
Man: [ On phone .]
Billy.
This is Archbishop Edmunds calling.
Rev.
Thorne: [ On phone .]
Ah yes, Your Grace.
What a pleasant and very welcome surprise.
I'm looking at these numbers, Billy.
Can this be right? You have 130 parishioners? Well, I know that's not a big number but Well, it's a fivefold increase since you took over.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
And I prefer William to Billy.
Well, this I've got to see for myself.
I'm coming out Sunday, Billy.
That's wonderful! Now Mercy, Mercy if memory serves isn't that the church with the mosque inside? Ah yes, but I think you'll be happy to know I've made some changes in my short time here.
Hm.
Good to hear.
But the mosque is still thriving though, I hope.
Excuse me? The mosque, Billy.
It's a great ecumenical calling card for us to have a mosque inside one of our churches.
It's the jewel in the prairie crown.
You haven't done anything to tarnish the jewel, have you, Billy? Me? Tarnish? No.
[ Clears throat .]
No, no, no, no, no.
That, uh, that jewel is still shimmering.
Sparkling.
Twinkling.
I'll be there Sunday.
Can't wait to see that mosque of yours.
[ Click, dial tone .]
Hello, hello? Sweet St.
George on his pony.
[ .]
- Thorne: Good morning all! How are things at the church? Oh, you know.
Empty.
Lonely.
Tragically Muslim-free.
Ri-i-ight.
No, honestly.
I had no idea that the mosque was such an integral part of the fabric that makes Mercy Anglican.
Right.
It's almost as if the church misses you.
Yeah! Right.
So do you miss it? Or are you happy praying at centre ice? Actually, I'm thrilled with the arena.
It's a place to grow, put down roots.
Things have never been better.
Oh.
Nice.
Uh, well Congratulations.
Wow.
You were laying it on a little thick, there.
Nah, it's the truth! I'm happy.
And you know, the arena is just the beginning.
I think the future's bright for the mosque.
Hm.
You know, he did sound like he wanted the mosque back though.
No.
He wasn't being serious.
He was just Pushing my buttons.
[ .]
Baber Siddiqi, as I live and breathe! Aw, those are the two things I like least about you.
What I would not give for a "Zambini" right now.
Zamboni? That too.
Ah, so this is the new mosque, huh? Well, I love what you've not done with it.
What can we do with it? It's a hockey arena! A horribly inappropriate place for decent Muslims to pray.
Thanks to you.
[ Sighs .]
Well, it's a shame that you're stuck here.
Oh, we're not stuck.
We can move out any time.
Oh, and go somewhere else? Somewhere Familiar.
Yes, Joe's field! Mmm, somewhere from your past.
Karachi! Recent past.
Surely not the church.
No, of course not.
Although, we still haven't rented it so Then we have you over a barrel! We will move in immediately.
Great! Yeah.
Ah! Wait a minute You are up to something.
Possibly sneaky.
Perhaps even no good.
You want to humiliate me, but I will not let you do that again.
[ Laugh .]
I stand behind my imam.
All right, all right.
Uh huh, let me show you the door.
I'll show myself out.
This way.
Rev.
Thorne: There you are, my child.
For you and for you.
Yes.
Wow.
Thanks for the new equipment, Reverend.
Oh, I'll get all the thanks I need when you and your friends play the loudest, noisiest floor hockey game of your lives! Ha, ha! Hey, wait, wait, wait! Where are you going? Don't you want to play in there? Sure we would.
But that's where Mr.
Amaar is praying.
So? Aren't you always telling us that Jesus said to respect your neighbours? Well, Jesus said a lot of things.
Let's go, guys.
[ Groaning .]
Joe? How do you get people out of a building against their will? Evict them? I've done that already.
Is that Billy? [ Incredulous laugh .]
This just gets better and better.
Well, if it isn't little Billy Thorne! Ah! Archbishop! Why are you here? You're two days early.
Get in! I couldn't wait to see this mosque of yours.
Ah, well, what's the rush, you know? There is so much more in Mercy to see! Oh, perhaps you're right.
I do feel like stretching my legs a bit.
Get a feel for the town.
Why not start right here? - Why not? - Driver, I'll be right back.
[ Clears throat .]
I'll tell you why not.
Um, you came all this way, you know We should get right to it.
Driver, take the scenic route.
I need time to think.
Ahem.
[ .]
It gladdens my heart to see Muslims gathered in prayer.
And yes, our location is less than perfect.
But then, so are we.
This is a lesson in humility.
And as the Koran tells us, "The true servants of Allah, The Most Gracious, are those who walk this earth in humility.
" [ Dreamy sigh .]
Now, show me this mosque of yours, Billy boy.
Ah, yes, the mosque.
Of course.
Ah, in due time.
I thought you might be impressed with my [ In French accent .]
renovations, huh? the pews here have been Re-pewed Yes, very nice, but we've seen all this before.
But a mosque in a church? Now that's something.
Don't be so sure.
[ .]
Hey, Amaar, nice sermon on acceptance.
Well, thank you for accepting it.
Yeah, it was way shorter than the last one.
Awesome! Huh, good to know my sermons speak to everyone.
Amaar, your sermon was terrible.
It spoke to no one.
Ah, the loyal opposition.
And acceptance? What kind of topic is that, huh? Are we supposed to accept everyone? Even the Reverend? After he tried to trick me with his false promise of getting the mosque back into the church.
Oh, hey.
He tried that with us too! Who knows what he's up to? Joe: I do.
Yeah, gather round.
You're not going to believe this.
The Archbishop is in town.
Why wouldn't we believe that? [ Laugh .]
I don't know.
Seemed like a big deal with Thorne.
And especially with the Archbishop going, [ In zombie voice .]
"Take me to the mosque, take me to the mosque.
" My Archbishop sounds a lot like my zombie.
Why didn't he just take him to the arena? Because the Archbishop doesn't know Thorne kicked us out! He thinks we're still in the church! The Archbishop must want us there.
Think about it.
Thorne wouldn't have invited us back unless he had no choice.
- Hm.
- So, Thorne's in trouble? Serves him right.
[ .]
Archbishop: Come on.
Where's the imam? Through here? You have to understand, Your Grace, I did everything I could to put them at ease.
- I bent over backwards.
- Where the hell are they? Well, the truth is that the Mercy Mosque is now right Here? Archbishop Edmunds, I presume.
I'm Amaar Rashid, imam of Mercy Mosque.
I was just telling Billy how lucky we are to have a mosque in a church.
- We really love it.
- We sure do! I thought mosques had carpets and things.
Ah, well those are in the arena.
Yes, right! The arena because they're airing them out, right? Yes.
I trust Billy has been treating you well.
- Actually - Actually To be honest, Archbishop, Billy - has been very gracious.
- That's a lie.
What? Well, let's get that on paper! Well, I'm sure a handshake's enough between two men of God.
- Not for me.
- Nor I.
Didn't I see a rental agreement on that desk tour? - Did you? - [ Clearing throat .]
Um, let's go get it.
Ahem, I'll give it a John Hancock myself.
You know It's a feather in my cap to have Mercy Anglican as a raft of tolerance in the middle of an ocean of intolerant-less ness? [ Laugh .]
You know, I'm better when I write these things down first.
[ Laughter .]
Well, thank you, Your Grace.
Oh, call me Tom.
Tom.
Right-o, Billy.
Time for me to hit the road.
Let's go sign that lease.
- Okay, Tom.
- Your Grace.
We have to maintain some standards.
Right.
Bye, Tom! Home sweet home! [ Cheers, applause .]
[ .]
I tell you, Billy, you've done a marvellous job with this parish.
What, with the money, the numbers, - the Muslims.
- Well I can see a very bright future for you.
Ah! Well, if there were a posting available in, let's say - Toronto - [ Chuckles .]
Oh, yes, so you've heard about the opening at Timothy Eaton, then.
No, I hadn't! Timothy Eaton! Well, wow.
Well, that is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Thank you, Your Grace.
Thank you.
Oh, no.
That's not for you.
I recommended Henshaw for that.
Henshaw? Well, he's a pompous bore! And a boozer.
Ugh, but that's a rich parish, a snotty neighbourhood.
Your talents would be wasted there.
No, no.
Waste them! Waste them.
No, Billy.
Having seen you in action, I can safely say you're a man who belongs in Saskatchewan.
Don't worry, with me on your side, you'll be in Mercy for the rest of your days! [ Engine revving .]
But no, I, I So long, Billy.
My name is William, you old fart! [ Crying .]
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho God! [ Sigh .]
Oh, I love that we've got our mosque back.
I love that I'm still an imam.
I love that we're all together again.
I love that we won by doing the right thing.
And I love you.
I love you too.
I have for a long time.
[ .]
[ Embarrassed laughter .]
[ .]
- Fatima: And then to top it all off, Rayyan told Amaar that she loved him.
How romantic! And then Amaar told her that he loved her! It's like a fairy tale.
Don't tell me what happened next.
He took her in his arms and kissed her long and passionately.
Are you out of your mind? They are Muslims.
Nothing happened.
Nothing at all.
[ .]
Baber: Ah, ah, ah.
Eyes up front! You two must be kept apart from now on! Sarah: Yasir.
Yasir.
You are not going to believe this.
[ Gasps .]
It's wonderful.
Good luck keeping those two apart.
[ .]