Robot Chicken s04e18 Episode Script
Please Do Not Notify Our Contractors
[ thunder crashing .]
[ drilling, sawing .]
[ electricity crackling .]
lt's alive! You realize when l pulled you over you were doing Yeah, l know.
Believe me, l know.
There it is! The Holy Grail.
Wow.
Now what? Well, l guess one of us should stay here and guard the cup.
Alright, why don't we draw straws and see who picks the one-- Oh, come on guys.
Uh-- Real mature.
Can't we just leave a note or something? - [laughing through the door.]
- What if l get hungry? [talking through the door.]
Order in! Oh And a large Sprite Slice, ewh.
Okay, a large Slice.
lt's the third cave on the left You're gonna do a Pennington summersault.
Then the door code is Jehovah.
But, it's Latin so it starts with an ''l''.
Are you even writing this down? [slurps loudly.]
Mmm.
[grunts.]
Didn't see that one coming, did you? l think l'll grow a beard.
Am l just eating 'cause l'm bored? [grunting excitedly.]
Oh, l'm sleepy.
l have to get some new menus.
Are you the pizza guy? There's no time to explain.
Which one is the Holy Grail? This is the cup of the King of Kings.
Oh-- l had the same reaction when l had King of Kings l think it's the secret sauce.
Hit the bell, win a prize.
Oh--- [laughing.]
Yeah.
Oh, l guess l-- Still got to kill it.
You shouldn't do this.
Every night our son wakes us up because he things that their is a boogie man in his closet.
Then he needs me to get him a damn glass of water-- Honey -- No! l'll prove to him to him that there is no boogie man.
- Ah, jeez.
- [chuckling.]
Good night, mom and dad.
[ son humming and singing.]
Who's the master of the universe lt's gonna be me [zipper opens.]
[humming.]
lt's gonna be an awesome night Yeah, you like that bitch! You are nothing! You are slime! You like it rough, huh? You're a bad, bad man! Bad naked man! Who's gettin'punished.
Yeah, take it.
[moaning and grunting.]
Who's you're daddy? Who's you're daddy? [grunting.]
[breathing hard.]
Oh, man.
l am parched.
Mom! Dad! Boogie man in the closet.
What!? A boogie man Honey, there's no such thing.
[signaling not to say anything.]
No, no, no.
Shh-- Uh-- Nobody, here.
So good night, dear.
[dad crying.]
Boogie Man? [explosion.]
Wow l gotta make that fuse shorter.
[announcer.]
We took a cursed monster.
And put him in a pimped out castle with twenty beauties.
Unless he can find true love before the last rose petal drops, the Beast will die.
This is Beast and the Beauties.
Beauties, welcome to my castle.
l just want you to know that l had my rabies shot, so-- Let's have a good time.
OhmyGod! l bet you he's a real beast in bed.
You know l like my men hairy, uh hmm.
l use to be a groupie for Zee-Zee Top, yeah.
l think l could fall in love with Beast He reminds me of my cat, Twinkles.
He had a very rough tongue.
l actually lost some sensitivity down there.
He died.
Look, l don't care about the Beast l don't care about anyone.
l came on this show to show America that l can sing.
Check it--- Oh, oh, baby l wanna touch your body l wrote that, hmm.
When l first saw the beauties, l was like, wow.
'Cause, last thing l fucked was a horse.
So Fantasia, tell me about yourself.
Well, l love cats.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, your coat's so soft.
Yeah, that feels good.
- You like that.
- Uh, yeah.
Scratchy, scratchy, scratchy.
l can really see us having a connection.
What's that? That's an angry mob.
l think that we should go.
Oh, no.
The Beast! Kill the Beast.
Oh, am l on TV? So Glysterine, tell me your story.
My story? l'm like Mariah Carey in Glitter.
Lil' girl poor! Lil' girl move to Hollywood! Lil' girl rich as hell! All those girls, at my old school Can kiss my ass, left side, right side, inside Kiss my ass Hey, Beastie boy.
l go both ways so why don't you take her and me up to your room and we'll make you the Beast with 3 backs [laughing.]
Oh, my God l'm so drunk.
[moaning.]
[spanking.]
l decided to take some alone time with Fantasia, she was wasted.
So, l thought here's my chance to get my pang, you know.
We went out into the woods away from the cameras but, l guess our microphones were still on.
Three Beauties Only two rose petals left.
Glycerine, l'm sorry, but you are banished from my castle.
So-- So, l'm glad that l'm off that stupid show.
Beast is ugly, l hope he dies! l'ma be famous.
Oh, Glycerine Johnson-dot-black spot-dot com Oh, Glycerine Johnson-dot-blackspot-dot com-- What the hel-- Ow, don't ya'll know who l am!? Oh, Glycerine Johnson-dot-black-- Ow! Only one rose petal remains.
lt can only belong to one of you.
Next week -- The hell with next week! Give me that rose now, bitch! No, it's mine! [fighting.]
Uh, no, be careful with the rose.
[gasp.]
The last rose petal has fallen.
And so, l die.
Twinkles, no! Not again.
Atlantis, you saved me! You, are the one! [giggles.]
l won.
Say what!? Damn, he's a Prince! Pss, shit, if l woulda known that, l would have sucked his big dick! [chuckling.]
The perfect crime.
[panting.]
[hysterical.]
Everyone, come quick! [hysterical.]
l -- l think they got Jerry.
[crying hysterically.]
Jerry! Oh, no! We'll never be able to finish this barn in time! We gotta do a lot in a short time! Only one man can help us! [BOTH.]
Montage!! Hey, mon! With Montage's Magic we build that barn in no time! Pu-put! l'm working on my time, whoa l'm working on my time, whoa That was so great! Thank you, Montage! [speaking Spanish.]
Hold on, ma'am.
You seem pretty uppity about something.
But l don't speak Spanish.
No problem, mon.
l'll help you learn Spanish in no time ! Pu-Put! [speaking Spanish.]
She says, a kid's stealing her television! Oh, mon! Come on, let's go.
[speaking Spanish.]
Bumbaclot say what? Her house is five miles from here.
No problem, mon.
Pu-put! Wow.
That only took 10 seconds Oh, mi television! Hey, mon.
Drop the television! No! Then get ready to have Alzheimer's, mon.
Pu-put! Oh, my back.
Oh, gracias, Montage! Now l'm off to give nasty looking girls makeovers just in time for the prom Not so fast, Montage! Oh, no! lt's my evil nemesis End Credits, mon! Quickly, lets all get out of here before he-- Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-gawk! Bawk.
[ drilling, sawing .]
[ electricity crackling .]
lt's alive! You realize when l pulled you over you were doing Yeah, l know.
Believe me, l know.
There it is! The Holy Grail.
Wow.
Now what? Well, l guess one of us should stay here and guard the cup.
Alright, why don't we draw straws and see who picks the one-- Oh, come on guys.
Uh-- Real mature.
Can't we just leave a note or something? - [laughing through the door.]
- What if l get hungry? [talking through the door.]
Order in! Oh And a large Sprite Slice, ewh.
Okay, a large Slice.
lt's the third cave on the left You're gonna do a Pennington summersault.
Then the door code is Jehovah.
But, it's Latin so it starts with an ''l''.
Are you even writing this down? [slurps loudly.]
Mmm.
[grunts.]
Didn't see that one coming, did you? l think l'll grow a beard.
Am l just eating 'cause l'm bored? [grunting excitedly.]
Oh, l'm sleepy.
l have to get some new menus.
Are you the pizza guy? There's no time to explain.
Which one is the Holy Grail? This is the cup of the King of Kings.
Oh-- l had the same reaction when l had King of Kings l think it's the secret sauce.
Hit the bell, win a prize.
Oh--- [laughing.]
Yeah.
Oh, l guess l-- Still got to kill it.
You shouldn't do this.
Every night our son wakes us up because he things that their is a boogie man in his closet.
Then he needs me to get him a damn glass of water-- Honey -- No! l'll prove to him to him that there is no boogie man.
- Ah, jeez.
- [chuckling.]
Good night, mom and dad.
[ son humming and singing.]
Who's the master of the universe lt's gonna be me [zipper opens.]
[humming.]
lt's gonna be an awesome night Yeah, you like that bitch! You are nothing! You are slime! You like it rough, huh? You're a bad, bad man! Bad naked man! Who's gettin'punished.
Yeah, take it.
[moaning and grunting.]
Who's you're daddy? Who's you're daddy? [grunting.]
[breathing hard.]
Oh, man.
l am parched.
Mom! Dad! Boogie man in the closet.
What!? A boogie man Honey, there's no such thing.
[signaling not to say anything.]
No, no, no.
Shh-- Uh-- Nobody, here.
So good night, dear.
[dad crying.]
Boogie Man? [explosion.]
Wow l gotta make that fuse shorter.
[announcer.]
We took a cursed monster.
And put him in a pimped out castle with twenty beauties.
Unless he can find true love before the last rose petal drops, the Beast will die.
This is Beast and the Beauties.
Beauties, welcome to my castle.
l just want you to know that l had my rabies shot, so-- Let's have a good time.
OhmyGod! l bet you he's a real beast in bed.
You know l like my men hairy, uh hmm.
l use to be a groupie for Zee-Zee Top, yeah.
l think l could fall in love with Beast He reminds me of my cat, Twinkles.
He had a very rough tongue.
l actually lost some sensitivity down there.
He died.
Look, l don't care about the Beast l don't care about anyone.
l came on this show to show America that l can sing.
Check it--- Oh, oh, baby l wanna touch your body l wrote that, hmm.
When l first saw the beauties, l was like, wow.
'Cause, last thing l fucked was a horse.
So Fantasia, tell me about yourself.
Well, l love cats.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, your coat's so soft.
Yeah, that feels good.
- You like that.
- Uh, yeah.
Scratchy, scratchy, scratchy.
l can really see us having a connection.
What's that? That's an angry mob.
l think that we should go.
Oh, no.
The Beast! Kill the Beast.
Oh, am l on TV? So Glysterine, tell me your story.
My story? l'm like Mariah Carey in Glitter.
Lil' girl poor! Lil' girl move to Hollywood! Lil' girl rich as hell! All those girls, at my old school Can kiss my ass, left side, right side, inside Kiss my ass Hey, Beastie boy.
l go both ways so why don't you take her and me up to your room and we'll make you the Beast with 3 backs [laughing.]
Oh, my God l'm so drunk.
[moaning.]
[spanking.]
l decided to take some alone time with Fantasia, she was wasted.
So, l thought here's my chance to get my pang, you know.
We went out into the woods away from the cameras but, l guess our microphones were still on.
Three Beauties Only two rose petals left.
Glycerine, l'm sorry, but you are banished from my castle.
So-- So, l'm glad that l'm off that stupid show.
Beast is ugly, l hope he dies! l'ma be famous.
Oh, Glycerine Johnson-dot-black spot-dot com Oh, Glycerine Johnson-dot-blackspot-dot com-- What the hel-- Ow, don't ya'll know who l am!? Oh, Glycerine Johnson-dot-black-- Ow! Only one rose petal remains.
lt can only belong to one of you.
Next week -- The hell with next week! Give me that rose now, bitch! No, it's mine! [fighting.]
Uh, no, be careful with the rose.
[gasp.]
The last rose petal has fallen.
And so, l die.
Twinkles, no! Not again.
Atlantis, you saved me! You, are the one! [giggles.]
l won.
Say what!? Damn, he's a Prince! Pss, shit, if l woulda known that, l would have sucked his big dick! [chuckling.]
The perfect crime.
[panting.]
[hysterical.]
Everyone, come quick! [hysterical.]
l -- l think they got Jerry.
[crying hysterically.]
Jerry! Oh, no! We'll never be able to finish this barn in time! We gotta do a lot in a short time! Only one man can help us! [BOTH.]
Montage!! Hey, mon! With Montage's Magic we build that barn in no time! Pu-put! l'm working on my time, whoa l'm working on my time, whoa That was so great! Thank you, Montage! [speaking Spanish.]
Hold on, ma'am.
You seem pretty uppity about something.
But l don't speak Spanish.
No problem, mon.
l'll help you learn Spanish in no time ! Pu-Put! [speaking Spanish.]
She says, a kid's stealing her television! Oh, mon! Come on, let's go.
[speaking Spanish.]
Bumbaclot say what? Her house is five miles from here.
No problem, mon.
Pu-put! Wow.
That only took 10 seconds Oh, mi television! Hey, mon.
Drop the television! No! Then get ready to have Alzheimer's, mon.
Pu-put! Oh, my back.
Oh, gracias, Montage! Now l'm off to give nasty looking girls makeovers just in time for the prom Not so fast, Montage! Oh, no! lt's my evil nemesis End Credits, mon! Quickly, lets all get out of here before he-- Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-gawk! Bawk.