Sabrina The Teenage Witch s04e18 Episode Script

I'm still having trouble turning myself into other things.
- Sabrina.
- Oh, sorry.
I was thinking about Senior Skip Day again.
A snow day with no snow? A summer day in the middle of spring? Forget the metaphors.
It's another day we don't have to go to school.
Well, try to focus.
I have to pass the test for my witch's licence.
Right, focus.
Well, try something simple.
Turn yourself into a pomegranate.
Hey, maybe we should go to the mountains for Senior Skip Day.
DREAMA [IN VOICEOVER.]
: Sabrina? Sabrina.
What? Sorry, gotta concentrate.
- Dreama? DREAMA: Yeah? I said pomegranate, not Pomeranian.
[BARKING.]
Don't make me get the rolled-up newspaper.
- Zellie.
- There.
I've just finished reading everything there is to know about Other Realm medicine.
Yet you can't name me three out of the five Marx Brothers.
I was getting bored with the other sciences.
I want to heal.
Well, you can start by healing my wardrobe.
- Lend me your red sweater.
- No, you spill.
Even with all this knowledge, I'm still gonna have to have some practical hands-on experience.
Please? Do it for the sweater.
I look really cute in it.
Okay, your 15 minutes is up.
Give me back my lung.
- Two more minutes.
- No, I need to go up some stairs.
Fine, but you're not being very supportive.
Ah! Thank you.
[SNIFFS THEN COUGHS.]
Oh! I take it this is your slide.
Okay, as intriguing as the aptly named Boer War is, I can't stop thinking about Senior Skip Day.
Yeah, I know.
It's gonna be great.
- What do you wanna do? - I don't know, maybe go to a park.
Canoes, picnics [PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE.]
DREAMA: Sabrina.
- What? What is the answer to whatever the question is that you asked me.
Am I right? [BELL RINGS.]
- I'm really starting to worry about you.
- I was having super-vivid daydreams.
BRAD: It was the weirdest daydream I ever had.
You and Sabrina were having a picnic in the middle of the class.
- And you were wearing seersucker.
- Weird.
Okay, Brad is a witch-hunter who can turn me into a mouse, and now he can see my daydreams.
I'm sure it's nothing to be concerned about.
Gotta go.
Ow! Ow! And need I say it again: Ow! Hold still.
Do you wanna borrow my necklace or don't you? Obviously, you skipped the chapter on bedside manner.
Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda.
Problem.
Definitely feel a little warm.
Let's see, a temperature, vivid daydreams visible to a witch-hunter.
- Having any trouble concentrating? - Not really.
Aren't puppies great? I've got an idea.
Oh, don't make me call Child Services.
Hold on.
Okay.
Just hit the lever.
[BELL RINGS.]
I knew it.
You've got spring fever.
I always wanted to work at a carnival, but I've got too many teeth.
"Spring fever occurs when a young witch is looking particularly forward to something.
" Senior Skip Day.
It's tomorrow, and it's all I can think about.
- Oh, phooey.
- What's the matter? - I'm not gonna combust, am I? - No.
I don't need to treat you.
"Spring fever will disappear once the patient has experienced what she's focused on.
" So after you have your Senior Skip Day, you'll be cured.
But why is Brad seeing her daydreams? Well, he's obviously hypersensitive.
Do not do any magic around him.
- No problem.
I'll go take a nap.
- Nap at school.
Be careful, Hilda.
Do not let her hand touch your fingers.
Spring fever can be very contagious among witches.
When exactly did Aunt Zelda - become a doctor? - This morning.
And that's when I told coach, "I know they make your muscles bigger, but don't steroids also kill you?" What is that man think--? Oh, ice cream.
- Are you okay? - I am now.
Attention, seniors.
In the past, there has been a tradition called Senior Skip Day, where teachers look the other way while students become truants.
Heh-heh.
Well, not on my watch.
Senior Skip Day is hereby cancelled.
[STUDENTS GROAN.]
Music to my ears.
Ha-ha.
Wait, did he just say no Senior Skip Day? But I need Senior Skip Day to cure me.
And I need it to clean my carburettor.
Mr.
Kraft, you can't cancel Senior Skip Day.
Why? Because you and your annoyingly perky friends will be sad? - Well, that's my intent.
- No, because Because Never in my life have I seen such deplorable behaviour.
- Or smelled such cheap cologne.
- But No.
Not the walk of shame.
[DRUMMING.]
I know I was making a point.
Yeah, and I'm sure the aliens in your dental work understood it perfectly.
[MOUTHS WORD.]
I've gotta get Skip Day back.
No, if you don't lend me your sunglasses, I don't lend you my small intestine.
Oh, fine, thwart my attempts to come up with a spring-fever vaccine.
Spring fever? Horrible stuff.
I had it once during an invasion, and for the first time in history, the French won a war.
And poor Sabrina has it now.
Oh, no, that means it's in the house.
[MUFFLED.]
Gah? - There.
You're alone, you're germ-free, and the plastic lining muffles your complaints.
I don't care for the echo.
Come on, seniors.
If we all stick together, we can help get Senior Skip Day back.
Back.
[SINGING.]
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me Bring back-- HARVEY: Sabrina? - Yeah? I've got good news.
I was just talking to Joey Slotnick.
The big kid who was a senior last year too.
The one who still enjoys Babar? Well, he said that principals always come out against Senior Skip Day.
It's for the record.
Their lips say no, but their arms and legs I forget how it goes, but they really do want us to skip.
Thank you.
This means I can be cured.
Hey, look at the ceiling tiles.
Don't they make neat patterns? She does enjoy her life.
Dear diary, as I complete hour one of my new life in a bubble, I realise it's the little things I miss most.
Dandelions, sunsets, the smell of bacon in the morning.
Hmm.
Speaking of bacon, I wonder if can I get one of those George Foreman Mean Lean Grilling Machines in here.
Have you finished your part of our history project? - We need to put them together.
- I'm trying, but I'm having trouble concentrating.
Greetings and salutations, Sabrina.
I'm the Homework Elf.
You can play to your heart's content, and when you come back, I'll have done your project for you.
And I'll have cobbled you some new shoes.
Italian leather? DREAMA: Sabrina? Sabrina.
You're getting worse.
Our project is due this afternoon.
You could use a little spring fever.
What was I saying? That you would be quiet, just until Senior Skip Day.
All right, attention, seniors.
Ahem.
Just in case any of you thought I was bluffing, I will make sure that any senior missing from school on Senior Skip Day will spend the next four years celebrating College Skip Day.
Oh, no, no Senior Skip Day? I just gave Dreama spring fever.
I'm turning Mr.
Kraft into a toad.
- You can't do magic here.
- Why not? We're in the Other Realm.
Okay, you've passed daydreams and gone directly to delusional.
No.
And now there's no Senior Skip Day to save you.
Okay, listen.
Stay here.
Don't do magic.
I gotta go call my aunt.
[RINGS.]
Hello? Hello? You're gonna have to speak up.
Zelda, is that my ear? I'm almost done with it.
I'll bring it right back.
[LOUDLY.]
Can you hear me now? Miss Spellman, the strange mole-like creatures who live in the centre of the Earth can hear you.
The next time you take someone's appendage, ask.
SABRINA: Can you hear me now? - Oh! Don't scream, dear.
I'll be right there.
Oh, cool, you pierced it.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Ah.
Finally, I can relax.
Dreama! You stay here and keep an eye on Dreama.
I'll go get Skip Day back.
Thanks, Aunt Zelda.
Okay.
Now, I'm gonna keep my eye on you.
Hey, look how weird my knuckles are.
But, Mr.
Kraft-- The more people try to persuade me to be lenient about Senior Skip Day, the madder I get.
- But-- - I am very passionate about this issue.
And I will not relent.
Willard, let the kids have their Skip Day.
Okay.
And why do these walls feel so cool? KRAFT [OVER P.
A.
.]
: Attention, seniors, Skip Day is back on.
Aunt Zelda did it.
Wasn't there someone sitting here a second ago? Dreama.
I'm thirsty.
Was that water fountain always there? You're a freak girl.
I swear, Dreama, sometimes I think you're a witch.
Oh, no.
A witch-hunter said the words "you're a witch"? And you haven't turned into a mouse.
Finally, things are going well.
[DREAMA SQUEAKS.]
Yep, straight to well in a handbag.
Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda? - I'm not bending any whiskers, am I? ZELDA: What, dear? Brad turned Dreama into a mouse and it's all my fault.
And I thought you making me allergic to oxygen was bad.
Oh, let it go.
I made you an antihistamine.
Will you two focus? Hey, maybe we should paint this room pink.
- I think I might be able to help.
- Really? - You don't mean buy a cage, do you? - No.
See, I've been forming a theory about witch-hunting genes based on my medical books.
If we can remove Brad's gene, we can break the spell and turn Dreama back.
Bear in mind, Zelda's been practising medicine for an entire day.
But there's a catch.
See, the gene can only be extracted during the hour right after a witch-hunter has turned someone into a mouse.
So we don't have much time.
- See? - Either that or our cookies are done.
I suggest you get Brad over here now.
Oh, good.
I get all the easy stuff.
Don't worry, Dreama.
We're going to help you.
I'm filled with compassion for her situation, but let's get this filthy vermin out of here.
[GASPS.]
What's this? A mouse? Let's see.
I can leave the bubble, risk contamination and have a mouse to play with.
Or I can stay in the bubble, be healthy Too complicated.
[SNORES.]
Hi, Brad.
Wanna come over to my house? - Why? - Why? Why not? Aren't mushrooms gross? - You're weird.
- Yeah, you're right, I am weird.
And you should come see my weird house.
Leave me alone, woman.
- Harvey, I need your help.
- Sure, what is it? I need I You are really cute.
You need to compliment me? No.
I need you to help me get Brad over to my house.
Please don't ask any questions.
If you love me, you'll get him there.
And I'll explain it all later.
- Okay.
- Thanks, Harvey Kinkle.
You're a lifesaver, literally.
Ooh.
A Life Saver.
That would be really good right now.
Women.
[CLOCK TICKING.]
[HILDA YAWNS.]
Okay, I've checked everything over.
And even though my plan is extremely complicated and difficult, I really think it'll work.
- Hilda, have you boiled the water? - I'm so tired.
Do you have an antidote for your antihistamine? Where are Harvey and Brad? Oh, what's the difference between culottes and gauchos? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
They're here.
HARVEY: Hey, Sabrina.
Um Brad's here to see your big-screen TV with the sports-only channels.
- Where is this baby? - It's right this way.
I'll explain later.
Love you, bye.
I wonder if I should be suspicious.
Nice to see you, Brad.
Gum? No.
Kinkle said there was a big-screen.
Yes.
But first, gum, then TV.
Don't worry.
It's magical gum so he can't say we're witches.
[THUD.]
It's also a quick-acting anaesthetic.
Perfect.
Now for the operation.
Operation.
I love that game.
[BUZZING.]
This is a very delicate procedure and I will need your full cooperation.
How about a song? We'll need a lot of electricity.
There.
I'm brewing a storm.
It should be here just in time.
[RUMBLING.]
It won't be long now, Dreama.
Could you hold my eyelids open while I make some black coffee? Quiet.
This must be done precisely.
Mop.
I am not a scullery maid.
My brow.
[DOORBELL RINGS, KNOCK ON DOOR.]
KRAFT: Zoo Zoo.
- It's Mr.
Kraft.
I'll get rid of him.
Quickly.
You know what we don't have a lot? Fritters.
Zelda, we need to talk.
We need-- - What are you wearing? - Oh, you mean this? We are big fans of ER around here, and we're playing the home version.
- So maybe we should talk later.
- No, no, no, we need to talk now.
- What's the problem? - Senior Skip Day.
Now, you made an excellent argument for reinstating it, and I was swayed by it and your persistent begging.
- I don't want them to have one.
- But it's a life-or-death situation.
Sabrina has got to have her senior-- I mean, all the kids would really enjoy a break.
But cancelling it was gonna be my mark on Westbridge.
Principal Brown was there for integration.
I was gonna be there for this.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- Uh-- Excuse me for just a second.
KRAFT: Just-- Let him cancel Senior Skip Day.
You'll never get rid of spring fever.
- You'll keep daydreaming.
- I know, but Dreama's more important than whether or not I function again.
I don't wanna spend the next hundred years changing cedar chips.
You're right.
The kids don't need a skip day.
I think you should work on getting rid of weekends.
KRAFT: Okay, okay.
I just hope we can feel close again.
[THUNDER CRASHING, KRAFT SQUEALS.]
Hold me.
Poor dear.
Got to go.
- There's your car.
Run.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Boy, I picked a heck of a time to wear my steel-toed shoes.
At last, and we still got some time left.
[THUNDER CRASHING.]
Hungry.
Hello? Guess I'm gonna have to search my gums for food particles again.
What could they be doing that's so important they forgot to feed the cat in the bubble? - Zellie? - Speak to me.
I'm okay.
My fillings are a little hot, - but I'm fine.
- This may sound a little callus, what with you still smouldering, but you have a witch-hunter in preop.
Oh, I can't touch Brad.
I'll electrocute the mortal.
Touch me.
Maybe it'll perk me up.
I'm so sorry, Sabrina.
I should be fine in an hour or so.
Maybe if we get Dreama one of those little hamster wheels, she'll start to adjust to life as a mouse.
No.
I have an idea.
Brilliant, Sabrina.
With all this electricity, I'll make an excellent transformer.
I've always had a yen to groom a poodle.
Hilda, with Sabrina unable to focus, you're going to have to perform the operation.
Normally, I'd find a way to weasel out, but there's too much at stake.
- I'll do it.
- Great.
Let's get going.
Before your medication kicks in.
Keep it down.
I've got a good stare going.
Focus, honey, focus.
You're our only hope.
- You've got to operate on Brad.
- Right.
Now, you've got to place the electrodes in the precise spots in a precise order.
[GIGGLING.]
- Sorry.
- Place the first one just above his left eye.
Piece of cake.
Now, the second one goes between his index finger and his thumb without touching his palm.
I'm all over it.
ZELDA: Slowly, slowly.
Not that slowly.
Sabrina.
Whee.
If you tilt your head back, it's a real rush.
Hey, it's the girl whose friend got turned into a mouse.
Shouldn't you be working? Oh, dear, we've lost her.
Actually, we've lost everyone.
I'm talking to myself, aren't I? I've gotta stay focused for Dreama.
I've got a job to do.
- What's this? - Just put it right there.
Good, good.
Now, the last one goes on Brad's tongue.
- Gross.
- Do it.
Bing, bang, boom.
Give me another task before I'm as unfocused as a camera pointed at Cybill Shepherd.
Last step.
Pull the switch.
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING.]
- It didn't work.
- You got it, look.
The witch-hunter gene is a tiny pair of blue jeans? Quick.
Drop them in the acid wash.
[SIZZLING.]
You did it.
I'm back.
[TIMER DINGS.]
Okay.
Hand me the scalpel.
Oh.
[THUD.]
- Get some rest, Dreama.
- And don't eat too much cheese.
Or your young.
Well, things turned out okay.
Except for these floorboard creases and the fact that you still have spring fever.
I'm just glad I did the right thing.
And for what it's worth, I haven't had any daydreams in a while.
Sabrina, you're cured.
I had a hunch that if you focused on the operation and snapped yourself out of your daydream, you would cure yourself.
Now you don't need Senior Skip Day and I have a new item for my medical paper.
If that speech didn't zone you out, you're definitely cured.
We have to figure out whether we can send Brad home.
- Do you think he's ready? - He shoots, he scores.
[TV PLAYING.]
Oh, hat trick.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ace.
Knock out.
General Hospital? Oh, yeah, he's ready.
Let him have some fun.
I mean, since we almost killed him.
You know, you gotta give me points for getting Brad over to your house.
Major points.
For trusting you, for not asking any questions.
Big, huge, pendulous points.
- Thanks.
- No, thank you.
So, what's going on? I just needed some time alone with Brad to discuss why he dislikes me.
It wasn't easy, but I have a feeling things will be getting better.
Really? That's great because Brad's really my best friend.
And now that he doesn't have a witch-hunter gene, I get to start over with Brad.
- I bet he even likes me.
BRAD: Hey, Spellman.
Karen Ann Quinlan called.
She wants her personality back.
A-ha! - I forgot to factor in just one thing.
- What's that? Brad's just a jerk.
But at least now, we get to do magic on him.
BRAD: My pants! Hasn't it been pleasant around here lately? - Sort of extra peaceful? - I know.
What's different? [GASPS.]
[IN UNISON.]
Salem.
We forgot all about him.
Oh, no, it's the grasshopper in the jar all over again.
What? You said Mitzi joined the circus.
Salem, are you okay? Talk to us.
Oh, please, don't bother me.
I'm trying to set the world record for grooving.