Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s04e18 Episode Script
Piledriver
This is a groovy dance
floor, isn't it, velma?
Yeah.
Why don't you try dancing
on it instead of my feet?
Ray I rut in?
Well, I've seen a wallflower before,
but this is ridiculous.
- Greetings, citizens.
- I'm Space Ghost.
What do you get when you
cross a zombie with a raven?
A very dead bird.
- Yes, sir.
- Dead as a doornail.
That is what you get. Yeah!
Who's the geezer?
Also visiting tonight is my granddad,
all the way from Boca raton.
- The sunshine state.
- Ooh, yeah!
Sounds like Randy savage.
- Well, it's not, zorak.
- It's my granddad, ok?
- Well, it's not, zorak.
- It's my granddad, ok?
So you can just shut up about that, zorak.
- Ooh, yeah!
- You tell him, taddy!
Well, it looks like you
with a pasted-on beard.
- It's not, zorak, ok?
- Those are real hairs.
I can see them from here.
Who's that little runt over there?
Is that blip?
- No, grandpa.
- That's zorak.
How you doing, blip?
I need to start you out with some chin-ups.
Stay away from me, old fool.
Who's that red-headed fellow over there?
That's Moltar, my director.
Moltar, from "the ovens of Moltar."
I met your father once
in a steel cage match.
I wish you could have seen your old man,
weeping like a woman
after my patented piledriver.
Yeah, your dad remembers me.
Whoo, yeah!
But he whooped up on you pretty
good in the Texas death match.
Because he snuck up behind
me with a foreign object.
He should have been disqualified!
Hey, if the ref didn't see
it, it didn't happen.
Break it up, you two!
It's time for my first guest.
- Oh, yeah.
- Talk show.
Go for it.
Ahem. My first guest tonight
I'll be over here if you need me.
Is rob zombie of the
band Won't say a word.
White zombie.
Welcome, Mr. zombie.
Thank you, Mr. ghost.
So I hear you're a zombie.
So I hear you're a zombie.
That must really be something.
It's not. There's not a whole
lot to being an undead guy.
I hear you zombies like to eat people.
I hear you zombies like to eat people.
Wake up in the morning, have my cheerios,
you know, go back to bed.
You don't get to do much.
- Except eat people.
- It's not true.
Oh, it's true, all right.
My grandpa just said so.
Look, if I said it wasn't true
the first time, it's not true
the second time, buddy.
- Hey, there, cannibal.
- That's my grandson you're talking to!
You tell him, pappy!
Shut it, blip!
It's zorak, you crusty
gozar of the tiny hut-people,
now is the time for your weekly beating.
Is that you, saucer crab?
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!
- See you next Thursday.
You following me, space boy?
Who you calling "boy?"
Yeah, that's right Muscle boy.
Show him your awesome deltoids, tadville!
Like this, grandpa?
Flex it out more, space man.
- Are they inflatable?
- They look fake.
Tag out, taddy!
I want to taste some zombie meat.
- Please, grandpa.
- I can handle this myself.
You're a sad, pathetic man.
- Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!
- Aah! Tag out!
- I'll rip his face off!
Grandpa, please.
I can manage this situation in a
civil and orderly talk, talk, talk.
Is that all you're good for?
Well Well, I gabbity gab,
just like your mother.
Hey, let's leave mom
what kind of superhero are you?
Isn't there a planet out there
that needs your help or something?
Sure, but you got 3 seconds to
get out of here before I break out
the atomic elbow, brother!
One
Ok, zombie.
Looks like grandpa's taken over.
Knock that little freak silly.
Time to step into the squared circle, son.
- I'm here.
- Make your move.
Welcome to Leonard ghostal's
twilight zone. Yeah!
- You're dead. Nobody wants you anymore.
- Your time's up.
No. Your time's up!
Dag-nabbit.
You're shooting blanks, grandpa.
Shut your pie hole, blip.
Why, 20 years ago, I would have
put your head in a half-Nelson,
twisted it around, saying each
letter of the alphabet on every turn,
and when I reached the first letter
of my true love's name that would be
the lovely Elizabeth
I would yank your head clean off
and roll it down the pike
like a bowling ball!
Ok.
- All right. Here we go.
- What are we doing?
And that's how I captured the
world television title the world
television title during clash
of the cosmos iv,
in front of our
-you're on, old-timer.
- Don't crowd me, Ringo.
- It's time for the next guest.
- Where is she?
- Is she invisible?
- Look at the monitor!
- The whatsit?
Look at the tv on your right!
Ooh, hey there, little girl.
What's your name?
What's your name?
Well, I'm raven symone,
and I'm 10 years old.
- I was on hangin'
- With Mr. Cooper and the cosby show.
Did you know that you're on the tv?
Yes. Just like you.
Yes. Just like you.
Have you met any famous people on the tv?
- Stop yelling.
- She can hear you.
I've met Whitney Houston.
I've met Whitney Houston.
I've met Michael Jackson.
I've met have you met haystack Calhoun?
He was a Mountain of a man.
I sent him home to mommy
with a rolling d.D.T.
How about gorgeous George?
Chief wahoo mcdaniel?
Leaping Lanny?
Wildfire Tommy rich?
They all fell victim to my credit!
They all fell victim to my credit!
- Purple nurple.
- Jerry belly.
Oh, yeah.
You still with me?
Well, the mind taker,
it seems that you have me tied up.
Uhh! Uhh!
I don't know.
- Maybe grandpa was right.
- I kind of miss this.
Ha ha ha!
I will not let you defeat me, vile villain!
Uhh! Uhh!
Oh, what am I thinking?
My heart's not really in this.
I don't really belong here.
Man, how long can he keep this up?
Yeah. I can, like, do all sorts of stuff.
I can bend my pinkie back, and I
don't you raise a hand to me, missy!
I'll put you in a figure-4 leg-lock!
I haven't done anything bad yet.
Except for this show.
Ha ha ha!
Shut up, blip, or I'll slam
your head so far down between
your shoulder blades, you'll have to
open that vest to face your own anguish
as I hold a mirror up to
your midsection. Yeah!
Ha ha ha!
Yeah, this is going to get infected.
You ever get the thrill of slinging
one of your little school chums
against the mat and watching their
eyes roll back in their head
like they're some kind of little freak?
No, not really.
I try to be, you know, nice to people.
You don't know what you're
missing, little missy.
- The back-breaker!
- Yeah!
- The back-breaker!
- Yeah!
- What's this?
- Zorak has picked up a folding chair.
Seems to be making his way to deskside.
I tell you, you don't want someone
coming at you with one of those things.
You can do some serious damage.
I want to take this time to
apologize to the television audience
for what they're about to see.
Oh! Let's not forget that
Leonard ghostal is retired
and that act of violence was very extreme.
Yeah! You had it coming, ghostal!
Uh-oh.
Grandpa, what happened?
Uh He fell down.
Because of an accident That happened.
That made him Fall down.
Isls that you, thaddeus?
- Are you all right?
- Talk to me, grandpa.
Say something.
Your pet monkey hit me
with a folding chair.
- Whoa!
- Whoa! Hold it!
The, uh, the cosby kid made me do it.
The, uh, the cosby kid made me do it.
Begone, wicked girl-child of television's
hangin' with Mr. Cooper!
Good shot. She was asking for it.
It's about time you did
something about her.
Aah!
Reversal! Taste the pain, brother!
Mommy!
What can I do for you?
Space Ghost, please.
Space Ghost, there's a saucer
crab out here to see you.
Space Ghost, there's a saucer
crab out here to see you.
I wish to give him the beating of his life.
Tell him I'm not here.
- What?
- He says he's not here.
Come outside, sniveling coward.
Come outside, sniveling coward.
Now is the time for your weekly beating.
Beating?
Shh! Grandpa, be quiet,
and maybe he'll go away.
Punk him out, tadley!
But he has a death ray!
Well, if you're not going
to do it, then I will.
I'm calling you out, crab!
You go ahead, grandpa.
I'll take care of things here.
I'll show you what you get when
you go mano a mano with
the gray ghost.
What? Uhh!
Using a tractor beam on an old man, eh?
Silence, old man.
It's ok, les. I think we're out of range.
Was that too much?
- No. No.
- You were great.
Thanks for the rescue, man.
Don't mention it.
Who's next on the beating list?
Earthling Mary hart.
Finally, some entertainment tonight!
floor, isn't it, velma?
Yeah.
Why don't you try dancing
on it instead of my feet?
Ray I rut in?
Well, I've seen a wallflower before,
but this is ridiculous.
- Greetings, citizens.
- I'm Space Ghost.
What do you get when you
cross a zombie with a raven?
A very dead bird.
- Yes, sir.
- Dead as a doornail.
That is what you get. Yeah!
Who's the geezer?
Also visiting tonight is my granddad,
all the way from Boca raton.
- The sunshine state.
- Ooh, yeah!
Sounds like Randy savage.
- Well, it's not, zorak.
- It's my granddad, ok?
- Well, it's not, zorak.
- It's my granddad, ok?
So you can just shut up about that, zorak.
- Ooh, yeah!
- You tell him, taddy!
Well, it looks like you
with a pasted-on beard.
- It's not, zorak, ok?
- Those are real hairs.
I can see them from here.
Who's that little runt over there?
Is that blip?
- No, grandpa.
- That's zorak.
How you doing, blip?
I need to start you out with some chin-ups.
Stay away from me, old fool.
Who's that red-headed fellow over there?
That's Moltar, my director.
Moltar, from "the ovens of Moltar."
I met your father once
in a steel cage match.
I wish you could have seen your old man,
weeping like a woman
after my patented piledriver.
Yeah, your dad remembers me.
Whoo, yeah!
But he whooped up on you pretty
good in the Texas death match.
Because he snuck up behind
me with a foreign object.
He should have been disqualified!
Hey, if the ref didn't see
it, it didn't happen.
Break it up, you two!
It's time for my first guest.
- Oh, yeah.
- Talk show.
Go for it.
Ahem. My first guest tonight
I'll be over here if you need me.
Is rob zombie of the
band Won't say a word.
White zombie.
Welcome, Mr. zombie.
Thank you, Mr. ghost.
So I hear you're a zombie.
So I hear you're a zombie.
That must really be something.
It's not. There's not a whole
lot to being an undead guy.
I hear you zombies like to eat people.
I hear you zombies like to eat people.
Wake up in the morning, have my cheerios,
you know, go back to bed.
You don't get to do much.
- Except eat people.
- It's not true.
Oh, it's true, all right.
My grandpa just said so.
Look, if I said it wasn't true
the first time, it's not true
the second time, buddy.
- Hey, there, cannibal.
- That's my grandson you're talking to!
You tell him, pappy!
Shut it, blip!
It's zorak, you crusty
gozar of the tiny hut-people,
now is the time for your weekly beating.
Is that you, saucer crab?
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!
- See you next Thursday.
You following me, space boy?
Who you calling "boy?"
Yeah, that's right Muscle boy.
Show him your awesome deltoids, tadville!
Like this, grandpa?
Flex it out more, space man.
- Are they inflatable?
- They look fake.
Tag out, taddy!
I want to taste some zombie meat.
- Please, grandpa.
- I can handle this myself.
You're a sad, pathetic man.
- Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!
- Aah! Tag out!
- I'll rip his face off!
Grandpa, please.
I can manage this situation in a
civil and orderly talk, talk, talk.
Is that all you're good for?
Well Well, I gabbity gab,
just like your mother.
Hey, let's leave mom
what kind of superhero are you?
Isn't there a planet out there
that needs your help or something?
Sure, but you got 3 seconds to
get out of here before I break out
the atomic elbow, brother!
One
Ok, zombie.
Looks like grandpa's taken over.
Knock that little freak silly.
Time to step into the squared circle, son.
- I'm here.
- Make your move.
Welcome to Leonard ghostal's
twilight zone. Yeah!
- You're dead. Nobody wants you anymore.
- Your time's up.
No. Your time's up!
Dag-nabbit.
You're shooting blanks, grandpa.
Shut your pie hole, blip.
Why, 20 years ago, I would have
put your head in a half-Nelson,
twisted it around, saying each
letter of the alphabet on every turn,
and when I reached the first letter
of my true love's name that would be
the lovely Elizabeth
I would yank your head clean off
and roll it down the pike
like a bowling ball!
Ok.
- All right. Here we go.
- What are we doing?
And that's how I captured the
world television title the world
television title during clash
of the cosmos iv,
in front of our
-you're on, old-timer.
- Don't crowd me, Ringo.
- It's time for the next guest.
- Where is she?
- Is she invisible?
- Look at the monitor!
- The whatsit?
Look at the tv on your right!
Ooh, hey there, little girl.
What's your name?
What's your name?
Well, I'm raven symone,
and I'm 10 years old.
- I was on hangin'
- With Mr. Cooper and the cosby show.
Did you know that you're on the tv?
Yes. Just like you.
Yes. Just like you.
Have you met any famous people on the tv?
- Stop yelling.
- She can hear you.
I've met Whitney Houston.
I've met Whitney Houston.
I've met Michael Jackson.
I've met have you met haystack Calhoun?
He was a Mountain of a man.
I sent him home to mommy
with a rolling d.D.T.
How about gorgeous George?
Chief wahoo mcdaniel?
Leaping Lanny?
Wildfire Tommy rich?
They all fell victim to my credit!
They all fell victim to my credit!
- Purple nurple.
- Jerry belly.
Oh, yeah.
You still with me?
Well, the mind taker,
it seems that you have me tied up.
Uhh! Uhh!
I don't know.
- Maybe grandpa was right.
- I kind of miss this.
Ha ha ha!
I will not let you defeat me, vile villain!
Uhh! Uhh!
Oh, what am I thinking?
My heart's not really in this.
I don't really belong here.
Man, how long can he keep this up?
Yeah. I can, like, do all sorts of stuff.
I can bend my pinkie back, and I
don't you raise a hand to me, missy!
I'll put you in a figure-4 leg-lock!
I haven't done anything bad yet.
Except for this show.
Ha ha ha!
Shut up, blip, or I'll slam
your head so far down between
your shoulder blades, you'll have to
open that vest to face your own anguish
as I hold a mirror up to
your midsection. Yeah!
Ha ha ha!
Yeah, this is going to get infected.
You ever get the thrill of slinging
one of your little school chums
against the mat and watching their
eyes roll back in their head
like they're some kind of little freak?
No, not really.
I try to be, you know, nice to people.
You don't know what you're
missing, little missy.
- The back-breaker!
- Yeah!
- The back-breaker!
- Yeah!
- What's this?
- Zorak has picked up a folding chair.
Seems to be making his way to deskside.
I tell you, you don't want someone
coming at you with one of those things.
You can do some serious damage.
I want to take this time to
apologize to the television audience
for what they're about to see.
Oh! Let's not forget that
Leonard ghostal is retired
and that act of violence was very extreme.
Yeah! You had it coming, ghostal!
Uh-oh.
Grandpa, what happened?
Uh He fell down.
Because of an accident That happened.
That made him Fall down.
Isls that you, thaddeus?
- Are you all right?
- Talk to me, grandpa.
Say something.
Your pet monkey hit me
with a folding chair.
- Whoa!
- Whoa! Hold it!
The, uh, the cosby kid made me do it.
The, uh, the cosby kid made me do it.
Begone, wicked girl-child of television's
hangin' with Mr. Cooper!
Good shot. She was asking for it.
It's about time you did
something about her.
Aah!
Reversal! Taste the pain, brother!
Mommy!
What can I do for you?
Space Ghost, please.
Space Ghost, there's a saucer
crab out here to see you.
Space Ghost, there's a saucer
crab out here to see you.
I wish to give him the beating of his life.
Tell him I'm not here.
- What?
- He says he's not here.
Come outside, sniveling coward.
Come outside, sniveling coward.
Now is the time for your weekly beating.
Beating?
Shh! Grandpa, be quiet,
and maybe he'll go away.
Punk him out, tadley!
But he has a death ray!
Well, if you're not going
to do it, then I will.
I'm calling you out, crab!
You go ahead, grandpa.
I'll take care of things here.
I'll show you what you get when
you go mano a mano with
the gray ghost.
What? Uhh!
Using a tractor beam on an old man, eh?
Silence, old man.
It's ok, les. I think we're out of range.
Was that too much?
- No. No.
- You were great.
Thanks for the rescue, man.
Don't mention it.
Who's next on the beating list?
Earthling Mary hart.
Finally, some entertainment tonight!