Steven Universe (2013) s04e18 Episode Script
Tiger Philanthropist
- Garnet: # We # - # Are the Crystal # - Steven: # Gems # - # we'll always save the day # Steven: # and if you think we can't # All: # we'll always find a way # - # that's why the people # - # of this world # Garnet: # believe in Garnet # - # Amethyst # - # and Pearl # Steven: # And Steven! # They're the team you love to hate, but also hate to love.
I love wrestling! [Bell dings.]
Ooh! Another devastating move by Purple Puma and Tiger Millionaire tonight, folks.
Mr.
Smiley: Looks like Shark-O-Mania's seeing starfish after that last one.
Let's finish him off with our special move.
- Yeah, why not? - Take my hand.
Here it comes, y'all [Ding!.]
the Purple Millionaire Ki-i-i-i-i-i-i-ck! And Shark-O-Mania's out cold.
Somebody put that fish on ice before it stinks up the joint.
Folks, Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma have done it again.
They are still your tag-team champions.
Will their special brand of jungle terror ever come to an end? [Cheers and applause.]
Yeah! Don't ever stop! Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma forever! Such dedication to teamwork and friendship.
What?! [Sighs.]
Hey.
It's been fun, butI'm over this.
[Crowd gasps.]
W-What's going on? I'm through with this place.
Here's your belt back.
[Feedback.]
Hey, now.
That mic is expensive.
You can't just Oh, no.
You're just gonna do that and leave? Uh, sorry, everyone.
I guess this is over.
Bye, Mr.
Smiley.
What an unbelievable shame, folks.
[Booing.]
What?! That's it? You can't quit now.
Mr.
Smiley: What a sad and anticlimactic end to one of the greatest tag-team careers to ever grace the squared circle.
[Sighs.]
Got my Saturday nights back.
Did you really mean what you said about being through with wrestling? Come on, Steven.
Wasn't that match kind of boring? [Scoffs.]
We don't need wrestling to have fun anymore, right? Uh, right.
Yeah.
[Sighs.]
Let's go home and get some grub.
[Twinkle!.]
[Bell dings.]
Hey, Sadie.
Hey, Lars.
Can I get the special? Uh - Tiger.
- Aah! He left wrestling at the height of his career.
Why-y-y-y? Huh.
Why don't you just ask Steven? You and your theory.
Steven is not Tiger.
Tiger's ripped and like seven feet tall.
Well, I heard Purple Puma didn't want to do it anymore.
So what?! Just because Purple Puma quit doesn't mean Tiger had to.
I also heard Tiger didn't think of that.
Well, he should have.
It's the least he could do for his fans.
Hmm [Bell dings.]
Oh, it is him, right? Mr.
Smiley: Now, I know these days, we're in a depression, but underground wrestling is too big to fail.
We've got two new fighters on loan, and they're here to collect.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Wolves of Wall Street.
We'll huff, we'll puff, and we'll blow your stocks down.
[Cheers and applause.]
What a rip-off.
[Door opens.]
What's this? It looks like we have a new challenger making his way into the ring.
What mystery could possibly lie beneath that identity-concealing shawl? I don't believe it.
Tiger Millionaire, ladies and gentlemen! [Coughs.]
[Cheers and applause.]
You're wrong, Mr.
Smiley.
Tiger Millionaire is gone forever.
He retired to his huge pile of money.
But he realized it didn't make him happy, so here I am, ready to give back to the fans.
Tiger Philanthropist! [Cheers and applause.]
So, the millionaire becomes a philanthropist a person who gives money away.
But I ask you, can the Purple Puma's back-up make it solo? Bring it on! [Bell dings.]
[Cheers and applause.]
Hey, tough boy.
You need a loan to start a small business? Oh, I'm actually pretty financially stable.
'Cause you've just been approved.
But I just said Mr.
Smiley: Oh, my dang.
Billy Bank Assets just got a taste of the Philanthropist business-loan elbow.
Howl Jones is still in this match, though.
He's gonna make a withdrawal.
Oh! Overdraft.
This should cover your medical bills.
What a generous wrestler.
[Bell dings.]
Oh, what? Looks like Shark-O-Mania is back for revenge with a new partner the Sea Wasp, which is a very poisonous type of jellyfish.
Ha.
Looks like we'll have to give 'em the ol' Purple Pu Man, how's Tiger gonna get out of this fishy situation? [Growls.]
Oh.
He hit them with a charitable take-donation.
And now a venture catapult-ist.
Did you see that? [Bell dings.]
He's paying for their medical bills, too.
It looks like this philanthropist is the real deal, ladies and gentlemen.
No one is leaving here tonight unimpressed.
[Cheers and applause.]
[Bell dings.]
Hi, Lars.
UhWhat? So How was your evening? Fine, I guess.
Kind of boring.
What do you mean kind of boring?! Why are you so worked up over how my night was? Oh, uh well, I was wondering if you'd seen any good wrestling matches lately.
Ha! Now that you mention it, no.
But I heard Tiger Millionaire was back.
He's your favorite, right? Yeah, but he came back as some lame Tiger Philharmonic donations thing, which, honestly, is such a weird angle, you know? The whole thing just felt so off.
What do you mean off? He took off his tie, and he's throwing money at everybody? It's like the sequel no one asked for.
What? It's the sequel you asked for.
Well, he just didn't seem into it, you know? He used to care about his money.
Now he's just giving it away.
And he still just wins, like, every match.
Oh, I get it.
You want him to lose and keep his money, right? No, I don't want him to lose, just What do you want him to do?! Just tell me-e-e-e-e! I don't know! I don't even know what I want for breakfast half the time.
I'm a complex individual teenage boy.
Now get out of here and stop taking such a personal interest in my happiness and well-being! [Sighs.]
I don't get it.
I don't even know why I'm wrestling anymore.
I guess I'm doing it for Lars, and he doesn't even care.
I liked it better when I was doing it for you.
But who needs it, you know? I mean, I needed it when I felt likeI wasn't good enough.
But I-I don't feel like that anymore.
[Chomps.]
[Muffled.]
Do you? No.
No, that that's never why I was doing it.
I just liked that it was our thing we did together.
But you're right.
It doesn't make sense anymore.
I think I should just do what you did just tell everybody I'm quitting and leave like it's no big deal.
Ladies and gents, tonight is a very special night here at the Beach City Wrestling Arena Dome and Building.
I'll let my good friend Tiger Mill I mean, Philanthropist explain.
Thank you, Mr.
Smiley.
What now? Tonight will mark my greatest and finalest act of philanthropy.
Tonight, I am giving away the tag-team titles.
Whoever can grab them first can have them.
[Booing.]
Boo! Philanthropy is lame! Boo all you like.
I don't care anymore.
These belts don't mean anything to me.
They never did.
[Booing.]
[Dinging, cranking.]
I know that sound.
It's the Brothers Construction Concrete Heat and Chunk Truck.
So sad to see Tiger giving up those belts without at least putting up a fight.
# Whoa! It's the Good-Looking Guys' music.
[Smooches.]
They're back to finally claim the tag titles.
Looks like things are heating up in the ring.
Who will be the next tag-team champion?! [Puma roars.]
Whoa, there, Tiger.
[Crowd gasps.]
Amethyst? He's back! The legend has returned to the ring! Pu-u-u-rple Pu-u-u-ma! Those belts aren't yours to give away.
Those times we wrestled together meant everything to me.
You can give away all the jungle bucks you want, but I will not stand by and let you give up our memories.
[Cheers and applause.]
Aww, what a display, ladies and gentlemen.
[Exhales sharply.]
You came back.
I'm sorry.
This was our thing we did together, and I just quit on you.
It's okay.
You were right.
We don't need this anymore.
Well, then how do you want to go out? With a bang.
It looks like this fight for the belt is still on.
The Brothers Construction look like they're ready to lay down a foundation of pain.
[Bell dings.]
But, oh.
Shark-O-Mania is back again.
He's not even in the match.
[Ding!.]
Tiger Philanthropist is down.
What?! [Ding!.]
[Ding!.]
[Ding!.]
[Ding!.]
This isn't fair.
Stop the match.
They're gonna be destroyed.
Both: Finish it.
[Ding!.]
Mr.
Smiley: No! The Good-Looking Gang hit the star-crossed lovers on Puma and Tiger.
This is their chance.
The belts are hanging free and clear.
They've got it.
It's official.
The Good-Looking Gang are the new Beach City Underground Tag-Team Wrestling Champions.
This is truly the end for Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma.
What a way to go out.
How can this be happening?! It was just getting good! You can't quit now! Tiger! [Sobbing.]
I love wrestling! [Bell dings.]
Ooh! Another devastating move by Purple Puma and Tiger Millionaire tonight, folks.
Mr.
Smiley: Looks like Shark-O-Mania's seeing starfish after that last one.
Let's finish him off with our special move.
- Yeah, why not? - Take my hand.
Here it comes, y'all [Ding!.]
the Purple Millionaire Ki-i-i-i-i-i-i-ck! And Shark-O-Mania's out cold.
Somebody put that fish on ice before it stinks up the joint.
Folks, Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma have done it again.
They are still your tag-team champions.
Will their special brand of jungle terror ever come to an end? [Cheers and applause.]
Yeah! Don't ever stop! Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma forever! Such dedication to teamwork and friendship.
What?! [Sighs.]
Hey.
It's been fun, butI'm over this.
[Crowd gasps.]
W-What's going on? I'm through with this place.
Here's your belt back.
[Feedback.]
Hey, now.
That mic is expensive.
You can't just Oh, no.
You're just gonna do that and leave? Uh, sorry, everyone.
I guess this is over.
Bye, Mr.
Smiley.
What an unbelievable shame, folks.
[Booing.]
What?! That's it? You can't quit now.
Mr.
Smiley: What a sad and anticlimactic end to one of the greatest tag-team careers to ever grace the squared circle.
[Sighs.]
Got my Saturday nights back.
Did you really mean what you said about being through with wrestling? Come on, Steven.
Wasn't that match kind of boring? [Scoffs.]
We don't need wrestling to have fun anymore, right? Uh, right.
Yeah.
[Sighs.]
Let's go home and get some grub.
[Twinkle!.]
[Bell dings.]
Hey, Sadie.
Hey, Lars.
Can I get the special? Uh - Tiger.
- Aah! He left wrestling at the height of his career.
Why-y-y-y? Huh.
Why don't you just ask Steven? You and your theory.
Steven is not Tiger.
Tiger's ripped and like seven feet tall.
Well, I heard Purple Puma didn't want to do it anymore.
So what?! Just because Purple Puma quit doesn't mean Tiger had to.
I also heard Tiger didn't think of that.
Well, he should have.
It's the least he could do for his fans.
Hmm [Bell dings.]
Oh, it is him, right? Mr.
Smiley: Now, I know these days, we're in a depression, but underground wrestling is too big to fail.
We've got two new fighters on loan, and they're here to collect.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Wolves of Wall Street.
We'll huff, we'll puff, and we'll blow your stocks down.
[Cheers and applause.]
What a rip-off.
[Door opens.]
What's this? It looks like we have a new challenger making his way into the ring.
What mystery could possibly lie beneath that identity-concealing shawl? I don't believe it.
Tiger Millionaire, ladies and gentlemen! [Coughs.]
[Cheers and applause.]
You're wrong, Mr.
Smiley.
Tiger Millionaire is gone forever.
He retired to his huge pile of money.
But he realized it didn't make him happy, so here I am, ready to give back to the fans.
Tiger Philanthropist! [Cheers and applause.]
So, the millionaire becomes a philanthropist a person who gives money away.
But I ask you, can the Purple Puma's back-up make it solo? Bring it on! [Bell dings.]
[Cheers and applause.]
Hey, tough boy.
You need a loan to start a small business? Oh, I'm actually pretty financially stable.
'Cause you've just been approved.
But I just said Mr.
Smiley: Oh, my dang.
Billy Bank Assets just got a taste of the Philanthropist business-loan elbow.
Howl Jones is still in this match, though.
He's gonna make a withdrawal.
Oh! Overdraft.
This should cover your medical bills.
What a generous wrestler.
[Bell dings.]
Oh, what? Looks like Shark-O-Mania is back for revenge with a new partner the Sea Wasp, which is a very poisonous type of jellyfish.
Ha.
Looks like we'll have to give 'em the ol' Purple Pu Man, how's Tiger gonna get out of this fishy situation? [Growls.]
Oh.
He hit them with a charitable take-donation.
And now a venture catapult-ist.
Did you see that? [Bell dings.]
He's paying for their medical bills, too.
It looks like this philanthropist is the real deal, ladies and gentlemen.
No one is leaving here tonight unimpressed.
[Cheers and applause.]
[Bell dings.]
Hi, Lars.
UhWhat? So How was your evening? Fine, I guess.
Kind of boring.
What do you mean kind of boring?! Why are you so worked up over how my night was? Oh, uh well, I was wondering if you'd seen any good wrestling matches lately.
Ha! Now that you mention it, no.
But I heard Tiger Millionaire was back.
He's your favorite, right? Yeah, but he came back as some lame Tiger Philharmonic donations thing, which, honestly, is such a weird angle, you know? The whole thing just felt so off.
What do you mean off? He took off his tie, and he's throwing money at everybody? It's like the sequel no one asked for.
What? It's the sequel you asked for.
Well, he just didn't seem into it, you know? He used to care about his money.
Now he's just giving it away.
And he still just wins, like, every match.
Oh, I get it.
You want him to lose and keep his money, right? No, I don't want him to lose, just What do you want him to do?! Just tell me-e-e-e-e! I don't know! I don't even know what I want for breakfast half the time.
I'm a complex individual teenage boy.
Now get out of here and stop taking such a personal interest in my happiness and well-being! [Sighs.]
I don't get it.
I don't even know why I'm wrestling anymore.
I guess I'm doing it for Lars, and he doesn't even care.
I liked it better when I was doing it for you.
But who needs it, you know? I mean, I needed it when I felt likeI wasn't good enough.
But I-I don't feel like that anymore.
[Chomps.]
[Muffled.]
Do you? No.
No, that that's never why I was doing it.
I just liked that it was our thing we did together.
But you're right.
It doesn't make sense anymore.
I think I should just do what you did just tell everybody I'm quitting and leave like it's no big deal.
Ladies and gents, tonight is a very special night here at the Beach City Wrestling Arena Dome and Building.
I'll let my good friend Tiger Mill I mean, Philanthropist explain.
Thank you, Mr.
Smiley.
What now? Tonight will mark my greatest and finalest act of philanthropy.
Tonight, I am giving away the tag-team titles.
Whoever can grab them first can have them.
[Booing.]
Boo! Philanthropy is lame! Boo all you like.
I don't care anymore.
These belts don't mean anything to me.
They never did.
[Booing.]
[Dinging, cranking.]
I know that sound.
It's the Brothers Construction Concrete Heat and Chunk Truck.
So sad to see Tiger giving up those belts without at least putting up a fight.
# Whoa! It's the Good-Looking Guys' music.
[Smooches.]
They're back to finally claim the tag titles.
Looks like things are heating up in the ring.
Who will be the next tag-team champion?! [Puma roars.]
Whoa, there, Tiger.
[Crowd gasps.]
Amethyst? He's back! The legend has returned to the ring! Pu-u-u-rple Pu-u-u-ma! Those belts aren't yours to give away.
Those times we wrestled together meant everything to me.
You can give away all the jungle bucks you want, but I will not stand by and let you give up our memories.
[Cheers and applause.]
Aww, what a display, ladies and gentlemen.
[Exhales sharply.]
You came back.
I'm sorry.
This was our thing we did together, and I just quit on you.
It's okay.
You were right.
We don't need this anymore.
Well, then how do you want to go out? With a bang.
It looks like this fight for the belt is still on.
The Brothers Construction look like they're ready to lay down a foundation of pain.
[Bell dings.]
But, oh.
Shark-O-Mania is back again.
He's not even in the match.
[Ding!.]
Tiger Philanthropist is down.
What?! [Ding!.]
[Ding!.]
[Ding!.]
[Ding!.]
This isn't fair.
Stop the match.
They're gonna be destroyed.
Both: Finish it.
[Ding!.]
Mr.
Smiley: No! The Good-Looking Gang hit the star-crossed lovers on Puma and Tiger.
This is their chance.
The belts are hanging free and clear.
They've got it.
It's official.
The Good-Looking Gang are the new Beach City Underground Tag-Team Wrestling Champions.
This is truly the end for Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma.
What a way to go out.
How can this be happening?! It was just getting good! You can't quit now! Tiger! [Sobbing.]