The A-Team (1983) s04e18 Episode Script
The Duke Of Whispering Pines
1 (male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing.]
(B.
A.
) I told you it just happens to be on the way.
On the way? We're 70 miles from Hannibal's film location.
Come on, tell me more about this Deborah.
You know her in high school? ls this your hometown honey? Is this the girl you left behind? I ain't telling you nothing.
'Cause there's nothing to tell.
Hey, why didn't you stay back there on location? Faceman wanted me to work in that catering truck.
I hate that catering truck.
You know he charges the company $10 for every meal he fixes and it only costs him $1.
95, yet he wanted me to work for minimum wage.
I ought to unionize that truck, strike and drive that you-know-what out of business.
The crew of The Bride of the Aquamaniac, Part Two would forever be grateful.
That's why I wanted to stay with my pal Baracus.
And, as a favor to you, lam gonna offer you all of my expertise in the area of love and romance.
With special benefits derived from a classic scientific device of mine.
A mood ring.
See, right now it's purple, that means you're anxious.
You wearing the ring.
How can it tell how I feel? Now it's black, that means you're angry.
Did this girl wear your ring when you were in high school? No, man, she wore the Duke's ring.
Duke? Duke.
The plot thickens.
Hey, if the Duke wasn't the captain of the football team she would never have took his ring.
I thought you were the captain of the football team.
I was after Jason Duke graduated.
I see.
Oh, forget it.
He's probably fat, bald-headed and wearing a stupid tie.
Now it's green, that's envy.
I bet it's got something to do with this telegram that you've been hiding all day.
I ain't got nothing to hide.
"Scooter.
Deborah Potter.
Whispering Pines.
"Must see you immediately--" [tires screeching.]
It said, "immediately.
" Immediately, immediately! It doesn't say, "If when you're in the neighborhood "let's stop by and let's talk about old times and old acquaintances" it says "immediately," right now, without delay I can't wait any longer! I want you! I need you! I love you! Shut up! Hey, man, where you think you're going? Stay in the van.
You're gonna need me in there.
I can handle this by myself.
(Deborah) B.
A.
Deborah.
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
Me, too.
(Murdock) How do you do? I'm H.
M.
Murdock.
Oh, this is my friend, H.
M.
Murdock.
I already said that.
This is Deborah.
I know.
The pleasure is all mine.
B.
A.
has told me so much about you.
Glad to meet you.
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
Me, too.
I just wish the Duke were here to see you.
The Duke.
We got married right after college.
I can't believe it, Deborah.
I can't believe you married the Duke.
I mean in high school this guy was such a-- Big man on campus? Mr.
Popularity? Quarterback of the football team? Hey, those guys never scored.
The defense kept us in the game.
Careful, B.
A.
, my ring is turning fuchsia.
Oh, Duke.
He's so charming.
[groans.]
Yeah, the Duke was quite a charmer, all right.
After we got married he took a big job at a bank on the North Side.
So, how did you all wind up out here? Three months ago, John Wells, the president of the Whispering Pines Bank called.
He'd seen Jason on one of those cable shows on investments.
(Deborah) He needed an investment whiz and he wanted Jason Duke.
He must've been flattered.
Oh, he was.
Vice President at 35, and all that.
But it was more.
We had this dream, you know small town clean air, everybody knows everybody else.
A good place to raise a family.
Coffee? Sure.
Yeah, I know what you mean about raising a family and all.
They even threw in this house free.
He lived here for two months.
Then I came out here to join him and he's nowhere in sight.
Just disappeared.
I called the bank, the sheriff, nobody knows where he is.
I knew you were a part of the A-Team so I called your mother in Chicago and she said you could help me.
Don't worry, Deborah.
We do the best we can.
You've got to find the Duke, B.
A.
(Murdock) Are we gonna try to find this guy? Yeah, we're gonna try to find this guy.
Are we gonna try hard? I told you once, we're gonna try to find this guy.
Don't ask me again.
Don't you say nothing.
Whoa, big guy, big guy- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Whoa, whoa, big guy.
Come back here.
You just can't kick down the doors barge into the bank, and find out what's happening.
Why not? It's the bank.
He worked there.
Now, what would Faceman do if he was here right now? Forget it, man.
You don't know diddly-squat about running no scam.
What do you mean, "I don't know diddly-squat about running no scam.
" Face taught me everything.
Look, the first American scam, 1625.
Peter Minuit buys Manhattan Island from the Manhattan Indians for a bucketload of trinkets.
1954-- All right, all right, all right.
I get the idea.
See, it's all attitude.
Attitude.
That's how I scammed you just now.
Attitude.
And the right props.
[door chimes ringing.]
Ho, I'm the one you're waiting for Coming to you through the door Fairfield Computer [sneezing.]
Hi, stranger.
You new in town? [speaking in congested voice.]
I'm only here on business.
(Henderson) Good.
What can I do for you? I'm Hampton Snavely, Fairfield Computer I'm here on a recall.
You got my notice in the mail, didn't you? What notice? [stuttering.]
I tell you, I'm gonna have to talk to that boy.
You see, we got some information we have radiation leakage from our Series 1000 high res color monitor here.
Which is what you got, right? Yeah.
Say, why don't they just issue a 101 Eye Protect for Radiation Blocking Enhancement? Well, I tell them the same thing myself but you know those guys they're not gonna be satisfied till somebody's nose falls off.
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Bless you.
See here.
Oh my, look at that, that's turning a pale gray.
What? Oh, lord.
This the only one you got? Yes, sir.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna get this back to Fairfield Uh-huh.
I'm gonna put it in the shop I'm gonna have it back here before you can say Ralph Nader.
Well Here's a receipt for your equipment.
okay.
[sniffling.]
And here's a stick of gum that Fairfield's giving out to counteract any of the ill effects of the radiation.
What kind of gum is this? Polysalicylate's.
Sugarless? Not a darn calorie in the thing.
I'll be back.
[door chimes ringing.]
Not a scam artist, huh? Where do you think you're going? I can be a computer specialist, too.
Can I help you, please? How do you do? I'm Hampton Snavely, from Fairfield Computer.
Are you Mr.
Duke? No, I'm John Wells.
We're here to demonstrate the Series 1000 high resolution color monitor.
Well, I'm afraid Mr.
Duke isn't here.
I can't understand this.
I mean, we made this appointment almost two weeks ago.
We drove all the way from Fairfield.
When do we break for lunch? Mr.
Duke didn't tell me about this meeting.
I don't believe this, you know, I have been working for Fairfield Computer now for six years, three months and eight days and, in all that time, I have never, never missed an appointment or failed to return a phone call.
My motto is: Be punctual or don't be.
Here we are, Tuesday, the fifth.
Well, I see the reason, I mean he didn't have it written down at all.
When do we break for lunch? I guess that means that we're not gonna be demonstrating the Series 1000 high resolution color monitor.
Lunch.
Well, he didn't leave on his own.
He's got appointments clear up through today.
You two boys making some sort of delivery? Not exactly.
Why? But you will be moving on? Well, we thought we might get a bite to eat in that cafe over there.
There's nothing to eat here.
You can stop for food in Centerville.
Actually, I think we might stay here for a while.
That's too bad.
'Cause now I'll have to ticket you for an expired meter.
This meter's broke.
I couldn't put no money in it.
Destruction of public property, that's a $50 fine.
But we didn't break this meter.
Public rowdiness, that's a $150 fine.
What the heck is going on around here? Using profanity in public.
I can't recall a fine for that.
Oh, well, let's call it a night in jail.
I said "heck.
" That's not profanity.
It is in Whispering Pine.
This is outrageous.
I demand to see the judge.
You're looking at him.
I'll tell you what, I might be willing to let this whole thing drop if you two boys would just mosey on out of town before sundown.
We're looking for a friend who disappeared.
His name is Jason Duke and we ain't leaving till we find him.
[rotary telephone dialing.]
Aquamaniac, please.
No, I'll hold, I'll hold.
Yes.
You wanna tell me what you want with Jason Duke? Well, we're just good friends.
He ain't a very popular fella in this town.
You could be in trouble just for knowing the guy.
Maybe he's a crook, B.
A.
What he's done? And where is he? I wish we knew.
We've got some questions we'd like to ask him ourselves.
We got visitors.
Well look who we got here.
This must be the Jason Duke fan club.
You fellas wouldn't happen to be deputies, would you? [Rusty laughing.]
That's a good one.
I thought so.
I tell you what you boys done your time you been here long enough.
You know, we like it here.
In fact, we're looking forward to breakfast in the morning.
Yeah, well you can catch breakfast in another town.
That is, if you cooperate.
[groans.]
(thug) Come here.
What do you know about Jason Duke? Boy, this fella's made a lot of friends in this town.
I'm talking to you, dipstick.
[yelling.]
Hold it.
Let's see how much he remembers with a noose around his skinny friend's neck.
(Rusty) Now I'm gonna ask you boys one more time.
Who are you, and what do you want with Jason Duke? Hey, man, I told you, he owed us some money.
A wise guy, huh? Well, that's just what we need in Whispering Pine, some more entertainment.
Pull out, bro.
Hey, watch out for the merchandise.
You know, Hannibal, we're supposed to be back on the set tomorrow for a 6:00 call.
This is more important.
Terrific.
You guys are in town for 24 hours, you're already on the ten most wanted list.
That's terrific.
(Murdock) We work fast.
(Hannibal) No.
He's got a point.
They're hiding something, Hannibal.
I mean, Duke vanishes, we ask a few questions and then everybody in town is falling over themselves just to show us the front door.
(B.
A.
) Not to mention the tree limbs.
Maybe Mrs.
Duke can shed some light on why her husband is such a sore point.
[doorbell ringing.]
Hi, Deborah.
I'm sorry I didn't get back sooner.
B.
A.
, what're you doing here? What do you mean, what I'm doing here? These are my friends, we come to find the Duke.
The sheriff told me you broke out of jail.
Great.
Broke out? We almost got lynched looking for the Duke.
Oh, I'm afraid there's been a terrible misunderstanding.
The Duke isn't missing at all.
(Deborah) I just got a call from Chicago.
Maybe he's all right? Oh, yes.
We got our signals crossed and I panicked.
You see, he went to Chicago to get me just as I came out here to meet him and-- Look, Deborah, I know you're in some real bad trouble.
And I'm gonna help you, no matter what.
The sheriff is looking for you.
I'm a law abiding citizen.
You've been arrested more than once, B.
A.
Duke was right about you, goodbye.
What do you say, B.
A.
? I say we help her.
She's in trouble and we help her.
Hey, man, she begged me for help.
Hannibal, we're gonna have one angry crew if we don't get this catering truck back to the location.
We're staying.
Deborah's in trouble and we're gonna find out what's going on.
Right, great, sure, sure.
Okay, B.
A.
, you and Murdock can't show your faces in town so you stick around here and keep an eye on the place.
Face, we'll go and stir the pot a little.
Can't wait to change my clothes, I'm getting to look too much like you.
We gotta get a handle on this guy.
Any ideas, Lieutenant? Hey, leave it to the master.
[knocking at door.]
Hi, I'm Hampton Snavely.
I'm from the Fairfield Computers I have an appointment with Jason Duke.
Yeah.
Let me guess, you're a close personal friend of the Aquamaniac.
Well, have I been to this town before? Yeah, it's me.
I got another one down here asking about Jason Duke.
I can't harass every stranger that comes through town.
Hey, let me tell you something, Jack.
I happen to be the sheriff in this town and don't you forget it.
I'm Mike Takobi.
Takobi and Dreyer.
I insist you release my client immediately.
Takobi and Dreyer.
Really? Yes, sir.
You guys handled my divorce.
Well, I'll be darned.
Best $100 I ever spent.
Another satisfied client.
You, Takobi himself? That's right.
Up here at our northern office when I heard about our client in need.
Look, I'm sorry I can't tell you more about what's going on but all these people been traipsing in my office looking for this guy interfering with my work.
I understand, Sheriff.
Now, I waived the fine so I'd appreciate it if your client just moved on.
Yes, sir.
Something go wrong, Face? How was I supposed to know Murdock pulled the same gag.
He ruined it for me.
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, pal, but it also cost us time.
Well, maybe not.
I don't figure this sheriff for a wrong number but somebody's all over him trying to find out about the people looking for Jason.
He called a guy 555-6540.
How'd you get the number? Oh, thank heavens for the old-fashioned rotary dial telephone.
Let's find out who it is.
It's somebody called Blackburn.
Please, Mr.
Blackburn, can't I just talk to him? I don't want you talking to anybody.
That's your problem.
Quit talking to those guys from out of town.
You understand? Murdock, you stick with him.
I'm going in the house to talk to Deborah and find out what's going on.
I couldn't say anything he was right here behind the door.
They've got the Duke.
[barking.]
Kid? Can I borrow your bike? Get your own wheels, man.
[growling.]
I'll buy it from you.
It's not for sale.
This thing's been customized.
I'll throw in this dog.
Really? My mom won't buy me a dog.
I want you to have him.
You sure? He's all yours.
Thanks, Mister.
Hey, come here.
Hey, boy.
Thanks, kid.
You'll never regret it.
(Blackburn) Come on, boys.
Hurry up, we ain't got all day.
A gold mine.
(Blackburn) Wonderful stuff there.
Well, looky here.
Come on, boys, let's get that turkey.
You drive.
[guns firing.]
[Murdock whooping.]
(man) Stop, the bridge won't support us.
There's a mine out there, they're pulling gold out of it like it was Fort Knox.
And it's guarded by about a dozen guys including the "Lynch a Visitor Society.
" This coffee's terrible.
Oh, well, that's easy for you to say, you haven't been cooking for 200 people.
Tell me, how many scoops is it for 400 cups of coffee? Tell me that.
At least we know why everybody's so unfriendly.
They got a working gold mine, the last thing they want is for the word to get out.
Yeah, this place would turn into a boomtown overnight.
Hence all visitors are persona non grata.
Just how does Duke fit into all this? [bushes rustling.]
Deborah! I slipped out.
I just wanted to drop this off, I thought you'd all be hungry.
Oh, but I can see you don't need it.
Oh, no, I got the situation well in hand here.
See, I've made my specialty, chicken a la king.
Oh, well, we can always have the chicken tomorrow as leftovers.
You said the Duke was investing in precious metal? Yeah, that's his area of expertise.
That must've been a European telephone number that I saw on his calendar.
It makes sense.
They'd need an expert to deal on the gold they mined.
(Hannibal) But why make him disappear? Beats me.
First thing we have to do is find out who owns that mine.
Well, there's a claims desk at the bank.
B.
A.
, you want to help Deborah, right? Of course I do.
That's means personal sacrifice.
We're gonna need that gold around your neck.
Well, forget it, Hannibal.
This gold has a special meaning to me.
It's the only way.
We can't go to the jewelry store and buy a lot of gold they'll get suspicious.
Well, you can use my wedding band.
Forget it.
Take it.
That's the one I gave you last Christmas.
Shut up, fool.
Hi, there.
Hi.
I'm Mike Takobi of Takobi and Dreyer.
The guys from TV.
That's us.
You know, you guys handled my divorce.
Best $100 I ever spent.
You weren't married to the sheriff, were you? Oh, please.
But what can I do for you? I'd like to stake a claim for a client of mine.
Wow, is that real? Sure is.
Can you please meet me at my desk? Mmm-hmm.
There'll be a $15 filing fee.
That's fine.
Show me where you wanna stake.
It's right here.
Oh, are you sure? That shaft has been dead for 90 years.
Well, my client's an old guy but he says it's here.
Okay.
Well, he says there's somebody working the shaft over here.
Who's my client's neighbor? Well we're not supposed to give out that sort of info.
Well, it could be our little secret.
We could discuss it over dinner at my house in Beverly Hills.
You married? Now do you think I'd ask you to my house if I had a wife sitting in it? Let's see that is registered to Wade Blackburn.
Never heard of him.
Here you go.
Thanks.
You won't forget my offer.
Oh, don't worry, I won't.
[dog barking.]
[inaudible.]
Okay.
All right, whiz kid, get in there.
Got a new neighbor out at the mine.
(Wells) Some guy just staked a claim.
Well, get rid of him.
We'll take our friend here over our place.
There's just too many people spooking around that mine.
Who are all these people looking for you, Jason? I really don't know.
Don't give us that.
There was a big black guy with a Mohawk and a gold necklace.
Big, black and Mohawk sounds familiar, but not the gold.
The guy I knew didn't own squat.
Whoever they are, we'll bury them.
Yes, sir, this is going to be the richest little bank in the world.
I owe a lot to you and the boys.
As long as you hold up your end.
We both get what we want.
Sign these.
Wait a minute, what's that? (Duke) They're the rest of the certificates for the Swiss account.
With these you can pass the gold into the economy without raising any eyebrows.
See? That's why they call him "The Whiz.
" You could have gone far.
Too bad.
Shut up.
Okay, when do I get my cut? Just before we pull out.
After we've finished all our business.
I don't care what you do to me.
Just do me a favor and leave Deborah out of it.
Well, as long as you do what you're supposed to you ain't got nothing to worry about now, have you? Rusty, find your brothers and take care of that prospector.
All right.
Ain't you heard? Gold rush is over.
Yeah, we're talking to you.
What'd you say? Who are you? Name's Wheezer.
Albert Wheezer.
Gotta claim this here mine.
Gonna give the gold bug one more try.
Old miner, huh? Prospector like my daddy and his daddy before him.
[laughing.]
A real family tradition.
This ain't funny, he's right around the corner from us.
Will you shut up, Rudy.
I know that.
Hey, that's part of my equipment now.
That was my granddaddy's.
Well, what a shame.
You be careful with those.
I only got two pair of those.
Not any more.
We want you out of here, old man.
My mine.
No, it ain't.
Let him go, boys.
[groaning.]
(Rusty) Pack it in, old-timer.
We're gonna be up on that ridge watching you leave.
(Rusty) You're still here in the morning well, we ain't gonna be so neighborly.
[groaning.]
Oh, boy.
This is difficult, huh? We do all the digging, Hannibal has all the fun sitting out front playing Yosemite Sam.
I just can't believe we're doing all this for Deborah.
Her being married and everything.
Hey, man, there's more to life than romance.
There's friendship.
You're right.
She is beautiful, though, and she's smart.
She ain't that smart.
She married a guy who wears ties.
We're through.
That's Blackburn's mine.
Call Hannibal.
Well I'll be darned.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
(B.
A.
) There it is, Hannibal.
(Murdock) Oh, boy, talk about striking it rich.
They didn't even have to dig for it.
Remember that armored car robbery in Coopersville a couple of months back? Yeah, they never did find that truck, did they? Uh-uh.
Good place to hide it.
Remote mine, outside a remote town.
Except that they have one big problem.
How are they gonna rid of all this marked gold? (Hannibal) They must have tried everything possible to change the form of the gold.
So they pretend to mine it.
Melt it down and carry it out as if it was in the walls.
Then they get an investment whiz, Jason Duke to sell the gold in the international market.
He must have found out what was going on.
Yeah.
Well, what's the plan, Hannibal? (Hannibal) We can just drive it out but they might think we're the cops, panic and kill Duke.
We want Jason Duke.
I'm sure they'll be willing to exchange him for their gold which we now have.
Which we now have as long as we're standing right here but you know, this stuff weighs 28 pounds a bar.
It'd take the four of us about two days to haul it to the other end of the tunnel.
We don't have to move it.
All we have to do is make it disappear.
Yes.
Nothing at all.
We're only half finished, guys.
We gotta paint the catering truck to look like the one we've cut up.
(Blackburn) Still here, huh? Yeah.
He was whittling all night.
Yeah.
What'd you whittle? Oh.
Whittled me a gun.
You boys, show yourselves.
Come on.
Don't be afraid of an old man.
(Blackburn) You got our attention.
I've seen many a things in my life, but I never saw what I saw last night.
What was that? I saw an armored car in a gold mine.
And it was full of gold.
I thought you boys were watching this old coot.
We was.
He got up twice the whole night.
Pa! Pa! It's gone.
The truck's gone.
Vanished.
I worked all night to move that.
You boys must have fallen asleep.
Now, where the hell is it? Right up behind you.
Look up there.
(Hannibal) Now, I'll make this short and simple.
You got Jason Duke.
I got the gold.
You wanna swap, huh? That son of yours is quick.
You know that bridge over Otter Creek? Yeah.
Meet me there at noon and bring Jason Duke.
I'll bring the truck.
And bring that crooked bank officer.
I might want him to sign a recommendation for Jason Duke's next job.
I've always wanted to do a bridge swap just like in the movies.
Aren't they traditionally used for the exchange of spies? Works for anybody who doesn't trust each other.
All right, let's do it! Bring us the keys.
We'll come over there and get Duke back on this side.
We'll throw you the keys.
Fine.
Let's just get started.
Baracus? B.
A.
Baracus? Hey, brother, you all right? Yeah.
You got Deborah with you? So Blackburn wouldn't be tempted to kidnap while we made this exchange.
Hurry up and get him on the other side.
[bridge creaking.]
Hannibal, you and your bridge drops.
Hey, Pa.
The gold's floating.
(Blackburn) Hold it.
Now, since when does gold float? Gold doesn't float, stupid.
Take the truck and pick up the rest of them.
Move it.
(Wells) Jason, you're just a little too smart for your own good.
Now get in the mine.
It always was his problem.
Now, let me take a guess.
He figured out that the grade of gold coming out of this couldn't be mined around here.
(Blackburn) Very good.
So we made him an offer, but he was just too honest to go for it.
Another long-standing problem.
These guys will never get away with this.
I'm afraid they already have.
They've got enough paperwork out of me to dispose of the rest of the gold.
Yeah, but they don't have the rest of the gold.
Oh, we will.
You got one hour to remember where the gold is hidden.
After that, we blow the mine.
Could you make it two hours, see some of us haven't seen each other for a while-- Get in the mine, wise guy.
And don't try to sneak out through the other end.
We got it plugged.
He's got no sense of humor.
You know, I can't believe you're here.
I can't believe you came to help me.
I didn't.
I came to help Deborah.
Look, I wanna thank you and your friends for trying to help me.
(Duke) I'm sorry it wound up like this.
Hey, man, it ain't over yet.
Hannibal will think of something.
The man always have a plan.
Well, what's the plan, Hannibal? Simple.
Put the truck back together.
It ain't always a good plan.
Hannibal, those parts are stashed all over the mine.
Anybody got a better plan? Hey, B.
A.
, what's this part used for? Man, leave me alone.
What about this part? Save it for the next truck.
What are we gonna call this thing? B.
A.
's mistake.
[chattering.]
Okay.
We give up.
You got it.
[guns cocking.]
We'll tell you where the gold is.
Where is it? In the mine, we just scattered it.
Well, let's go get it.
Oh, you won't have to.
We're gonna bring it to you.
The captain and the defense.
We still got it.
We wanna thank you all again.
Anytime.
You realize that with all the stock options they gave you as part of your original deal when you came out here, and given the fact that a convicted felon like Wells cannot be a bank officer you are now president of the Whispering Pines Bank.
Really? Trust him.
(Murdock) Congratulations.
And, look, I'd like to talk to you about a small bank loan because I think mood rings are gonna come back in a big way.
Well, anything you want, Murdock.
I think we just may stay in Whispering Pines.
What do you think, Deborah? I think that's a good plan.
Deborah, I'm sure you and Duke will be very happy here.
You know, all those years you were following my footsteps I could always hear you coming closer and closer.
I could have caught you, too.
Yeah, you probably could have.
You probably think after I married Deborah she used to talk about you.
(Duke) Well I ain't gonna tell you.
That's good, Duke.
I want you to have this.
Hey, man, but you won it.
Yeah, but you deserve it.
It's for the most valuable player.
Thanks.
[inaudible.]
[inaudible.]
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing.]
(B.
A.
) I told you it just happens to be on the way.
On the way? We're 70 miles from Hannibal's film location.
Come on, tell me more about this Deborah.
You know her in high school? ls this your hometown honey? Is this the girl you left behind? I ain't telling you nothing.
'Cause there's nothing to tell.
Hey, why didn't you stay back there on location? Faceman wanted me to work in that catering truck.
I hate that catering truck.
You know he charges the company $10 for every meal he fixes and it only costs him $1.
95, yet he wanted me to work for minimum wage.
I ought to unionize that truck, strike and drive that you-know-what out of business.
The crew of The Bride of the Aquamaniac, Part Two would forever be grateful.
That's why I wanted to stay with my pal Baracus.
And, as a favor to you, lam gonna offer you all of my expertise in the area of love and romance.
With special benefits derived from a classic scientific device of mine.
A mood ring.
See, right now it's purple, that means you're anxious.
You wearing the ring.
How can it tell how I feel? Now it's black, that means you're angry.
Did this girl wear your ring when you were in high school? No, man, she wore the Duke's ring.
Duke? Duke.
The plot thickens.
Hey, if the Duke wasn't the captain of the football team she would never have took his ring.
I thought you were the captain of the football team.
I was after Jason Duke graduated.
I see.
Oh, forget it.
He's probably fat, bald-headed and wearing a stupid tie.
Now it's green, that's envy.
I bet it's got something to do with this telegram that you've been hiding all day.
I ain't got nothing to hide.
"Scooter.
Deborah Potter.
Whispering Pines.
"Must see you immediately--" [tires screeching.]
It said, "immediately.
" Immediately, immediately! It doesn't say, "If when you're in the neighborhood "let's stop by and let's talk about old times and old acquaintances" it says "immediately," right now, without delay I can't wait any longer! I want you! I need you! I love you! Shut up! Hey, man, where you think you're going? Stay in the van.
You're gonna need me in there.
I can handle this by myself.
(Deborah) B.
A.
Deborah.
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
Me, too.
(Murdock) How do you do? I'm H.
M.
Murdock.
Oh, this is my friend, H.
M.
Murdock.
I already said that.
This is Deborah.
I know.
The pleasure is all mine.
B.
A.
has told me so much about you.
Glad to meet you.
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
Me, too.
I just wish the Duke were here to see you.
The Duke.
We got married right after college.
I can't believe it, Deborah.
I can't believe you married the Duke.
I mean in high school this guy was such a-- Big man on campus? Mr.
Popularity? Quarterback of the football team? Hey, those guys never scored.
The defense kept us in the game.
Careful, B.
A.
, my ring is turning fuchsia.
Oh, Duke.
He's so charming.
[groans.]
Yeah, the Duke was quite a charmer, all right.
After we got married he took a big job at a bank on the North Side.
So, how did you all wind up out here? Three months ago, John Wells, the president of the Whispering Pines Bank called.
He'd seen Jason on one of those cable shows on investments.
(Deborah) He needed an investment whiz and he wanted Jason Duke.
He must've been flattered.
Oh, he was.
Vice President at 35, and all that.
But it was more.
We had this dream, you know small town clean air, everybody knows everybody else.
A good place to raise a family.
Coffee? Sure.
Yeah, I know what you mean about raising a family and all.
They even threw in this house free.
He lived here for two months.
Then I came out here to join him and he's nowhere in sight.
Just disappeared.
I called the bank, the sheriff, nobody knows where he is.
I knew you were a part of the A-Team so I called your mother in Chicago and she said you could help me.
Don't worry, Deborah.
We do the best we can.
You've got to find the Duke, B.
A.
(Murdock) Are we gonna try to find this guy? Yeah, we're gonna try to find this guy.
Are we gonna try hard? I told you once, we're gonna try to find this guy.
Don't ask me again.
Don't you say nothing.
Whoa, big guy, big guy- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Whoa, whoa, big guy.
Come back here.
You just can't kick down the doors barge into the bank, and find out what's happening.
Why not? It's the bank.
He worked there.
Now, what would Faceman do if he was here right now? Forget it, man.
You don't know diddly-squat about running no scam.
What do you mean, "I don't know diddly-squat about running no scam.
" Face taught me everything.
Look, the first American scam, 1625.
Peter Minuit buys Manhattan Island from the Manhattan Indians for a bucketload of trinkets.
1954-- All right, all right, all right.
I get the idea.
See, it's all attitude.
Attitude.
That's how I scammed you just now.
Attitude.
And the right props.
[door chimes ringing.]
Ho, I'm the one you're waiting for Coming to you through the door Fairfield Computer [sneezing.]
Hi, stranger.
You new in town? [speaking in congested voice.]
I'm only here on business.
(Henderson) Good.
What can I do for you? I'm Hampton Snavely, Fairfield Computer I'm here on a recall.
You got my notice in the mail, didn't you? What notice? [stuttering.]
I tell you, I'm gonna have to talk to that boy.
You see, we got some information we have radiation leakage from our Series 1000 high res color monitor here.
Which is what you got, right? Yeah.
Say, why don't they just issue a 101 Eye Protect for Radiation Blocking Enhancement? Well, I tell them the same thing myself but you know those guys they're not gonna be satisfied till somebody's nose falls off.
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Bless you.
See here.
Oh my, look at that, that's turning a pale gray.
What? Oh, lord.
This the only one you got? Yes, sir.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna get this back to Fairfield Uh-huh.
I'm gonna put it in the shop I'm gonna have it back here before you can say Ralph Nader.
Well Here's a receipt for your equipment.
okay.
[sniffling.]
And here's a stick of gum that Fairfield's giving out to counteract any of the ill effects of the radiation.
What kind of gum is this? Polysalicylate's.
Sugarless? Not a darn calorie in the thing.
I'll be back.
[door chimes ringing.]
Not a scam artist, huh? Where do you think you're going? I can be a computer specialist, too.
Can I help you, please? How do you do? I'm Hampton Snavely, from Fairfield Computer.
Are you Mr.
Duke? No, I'm John Wells.
We're here to demonstrate the Series 1000 high resolution color monitor.
Well, I'm afraid Mr.
Duke isn't here.
I can't understand this.
I mean, we made this appointment almost two weeks ago.
We drove all the way from Fairfield.
When do we break for lunch? Mr.
Duke didn't tell me about this meeting.
I don't believe this, you know, I have been working for Fairfield Computer now for six years, three months and eight days and, in all that time, I have never, never missed an appointment or failed to return a phone call.
My motto is: Be punctual or don't be.
Here we are, Tuesday, the fifth.
Well, I see the reason, I mean he didn't have it written down at all.
When do we break for lunch? I guess that means that we're not gonna be demonstrating the Series 1000 high resolution color monitor.
Lunch.
Well, he didn't leave on his own.
He's got appointments clear up through today.
You two boys making some sort of delivery? Not exactly.
Why? But you will be moving on? Well, we thought we might get a bite to eat in that cafe over there.
There's nothing to eat here.
You can stop for food in Centerville.
Actually, I think we might stay here for a while.
That's too bad.
'Cause now I'll have to ticket you for an expired meter.
This meter's broke.
I couldn't put no money in it.
Destruction of public property, that's a $50 fine.
But we didn't break this meter.
Public rowdiness, that's a $150 fine.
What the heck is going on around here? Using profanity in public.
I can't recall a fine for that.
Oh, well, let's call it a night in jail.
I said "heck.
" That's not profanity.
It is in Whispering Pine.
This is outrageous.
I demand to see the judge.
You're looking at him.
I'll tell you what, I might be willing to let this whole thing drop if you two boys would just mosey on out of town before sundown.
We're looking for a friend who disappeared.
His name is Jason Duke and we ain't leaving till we find him.
[rotary telephone dialing.]
Aquamaniac, please.
No, I'll hold, I'll hold.
Yes.
You wanna tell me what you want with Jason Duke? Well, we're just good friends.
He ain't a very popular fella in this town.
You could be in trouble just for knowing the guy.
Maybe he's a crook, B.
A.
What he's done? And where is he? I wish we knew.
We've got some questions we'd like to ask him ourselves.
We got visitors.
Well look who we got here.
This must be the Jason Duke fan club.
You fellas wouldn't happen to be deputies, would you? [Rusty laughing.]
That's a good one.
I thought so.
I tell you what you boys done your time you been here long enough.
You know, we like it here.
In fact, we're looking forward to breakfast in the morning.
Yeah, well you can catch breakfast in another town.
That is, if you cooperate.
[groans.]
(thug) Come here.
What do you know about Jason Duke? Boy, this fella's made a lot of friends in this town.
I'm talking to you, dipstick.
[yelling.]
Hold it.
Let's see how much he remembers with a noose around his skinny friend's neck.
(Rusty) Now I'm gonna ask you boys one more time.
Who are you, and what do you want with Jason Duke? Hey, man, I told you, he owed us some money.
A wise guy, huh? Well, that's just what we need in Whispering Pine, some more entertainment.
Pull out, bro.
Hey, watch out for the merchandise.
You know, Hannibal, we're supposed to be back on the set tomorrow for a 6:00 call.
This is more important.
Terrific.
You guys are in town for 24 hours, you're already on the ten most wanted list.
That's terrific.
(Murdock) We work fast.
(Hannibal) No.
He's got a point.
They're hiding something, Hannibal.
I mean, Duke vanishes, we ask a few questions and then everybody in town is falling over themselves just to show us the front door.
(B.
A.
) Not to mention the tree limbs.
Maybe Mrs.
Duke can shed some light on why her husband is such a sore point.
[doorbell ringing.]
Hi, Deborah.
I'm sorry I didn't get back sooner.
B.
A.
, what're you doing here? What do you mean, what I'm doing here? These are my friends, we come to find the Duke.
The sheriff told me you broke out of jail.
Great.
Broke out? We almost got lynched looking for the Duke.
Oh, I'm afraid there's been a terrible misunderstanding.
The Duke isn't missing at all.
(Deborah) I just got a call from Chicago.
Maybe he's all right? Oh, yes.
We got our signals crossed and I panicked.
You see, he went to Chicago to get me just as I came out here to meet him and-- Look, Deborah, I know you're in some real bad trouble.
And I'm gonna help you, no matter what.
The sheriff is looking for you.
I'm a law abiding citizen.
You've been arrested more than once, B.
A.
Duke was right about you, goodbye.
What do you say, B.
A.
? I say we help her.
She's in trouble and we help her.
Hey, man, she begged me for help.
Hannibal, we're gonna have one angry crew if we don't get this catering truck back to the location.
We're staying.
Deborah's in trouble and we're gonna find out what's going on.
Right, great, sure, sure.
Okay, B.
A.
, you and Murdock can't show your faces in town so you stick around here and keep an eye on the place.
Face, we'll go and stir the pot a little.
Can't wait to change my clothes, I'm getting to look too much like you.
We gotta get a handle on this guy.
Any ideas, Lieutenant? Hey, leave it to the master.
[knocking at door.]
Hi, I'm Hampton Snavely.
I'm from the Fairfield Computers I have an appointment with Jason Duke.
Yeah.
Let me guess, you're a close personal friend of the Aquamaniac.
Well, have I been to this town before? Yeah, it's me.
I got another one down here asking about Jason Duke.
I can't harass every stranger that comes through town.
Hey, let me tell you something, Jack.
I happen to be the sheriff in this town and don't you forget it.
I'm Mike Takobi.
Takobi and Dreyer.
I insist you release my client immediately.
Takobi and Dreyer.
Really? Yes, sir.
You guys handled my divorce.
Well, I'll be darned.
Best $100 I ever spent.
Another satisfied client.
You, Takobi himself? That's right.
Up here at our northern office when I heard about our client in need.
Look, I'm sorry I can't tell you more about what's going on but all these people been traipsing in my office looking for this guy interfering with my work.
I understand, Sheriff.
Now, I waived the fine so I'd appreciate it if your client just moved on.
Yes, sir.
Something go wrong, Face? How was I supposed to know Murdock pulled the same gag.
He ruined it for me.
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, pal, but it also cost us time.
Well, maybe not.
I don't figure this sheriff for a wrong number but somebody's all over him trying to find out about the people looking for Jason.
He called a guy 555-6540.
How'd you get the number? Oh, thank heavens for the old-fashioned rotary dial telephone.
Let's find out who it is.
It's somebody called Blackburn.
Please, Mr.
Blackburn, can't I just talk to him? I don't want you talking to anybody.
That's your problem.
Quit talking to those guys from out of town.
You understand? Murdock, you stick with him.
I'm going in the house to talk to Deborah and find out what's going on.
I couldn't say anything he was right here behind the door.
They've got the Duke.
[barking.]
Kid? Can I borrow your bike? Get your own wheels, man.
[growling.]
I'll buy it from you.
It's not for sale.
This thing's been customized.
I'll throw in this dog.
Really? My mom won't buy me a dog.
I want you to have him.
You sure? He's all yours.
Thanks, Mister.
Hey, come here.
Hey, boy.
Thanks, kid.
You'll never regret it.
(Blackburn) Come on, boys.
Hurry up, we ain't got all day.
A gold mine.
(Blackburn) Wonderful stuff there.
Well, looky here.
Come on, boys, let's get that turkey.
You drive.
[guns firing.]
[Murdock whooping.]
(man) Stop, the bridge won't support us.
There's a mine out there, they're pulling gold out of it like it was Fort Knox.
And it's guarded by about a dozen guys including the "Lynch a Visitor Society.
" This coffee's terrible.
Oh, well, that's easy for you to say, you haven't been cooking for 200 people.
Tell me, how many scoops is it for 400 cups of coffee? Tell me that.
At least we know why everybody's so unfriendly.
They got a working gold mine, the last thing they want is for the word to get out.
Yeah, this place would turn into a boomtown overnight.
Hence all visitors are persona non grata.
Just how does Duke fit into all this? [bushes rustling.]
Deborah! I slipped out.
I just wanted to drop this off, I thought you'd all be hungry.
Oh, but I can see you don't need it.
Oh, no, I got the situation well in hand here.
See, I've made my specialty, chicken a la king.
Oh, well, we can always have the chicken tomorrow as leftovers.
You said the Duke was investing in precious metal? Yeah, that's his area of expertise.
That must've been a European telephone number that I saw on his calendar.
It makes sense.
They'd need an expert to deal on the gold they mined.
(Hannibal) But why make him disappear? Beats me.
First thing we have to do is find out who owns that mine.
Well, there's a claims desk at the bank.
B.
A.
, you want to help Deborah, right? Of course I do.
That's means personal sacrifice.
We're gonna need that gold around your neck.
Well, forget it, Hannibal.
This gold has a special meaning to me.
It's the only way.
We can't go to the jewelry store and buy a lot of gold they'll get suspicious.
Well, you can use my wedding band.
Forget it.
Take it.
That's the one I gave you last Christmas.
Shut up, fool.
Hi, there.
Hi.
I'm Mike Takobi of Takobi and Dreyer.
The guys from TV.
That's us.
You know, you guys handled my divorce.
Best $100 I ever spent.
You weren't married to the sheriff, were you? Oh, please.
But what can I do for you? I'd like to stake a claim for a client of mine.
Wow, is that real? Sure is.
Can you please meet me at my desk? Mmm-hmm.
There'll be a $15 filing fee.
That's fine.
Show me where you wanna stake.
It's right here.
Oh, are you sure? That shaft has been dead for 90 years.
Well, my client's an old guy but he says it's here.
Okay.
Well, he says there's somebody working the shaft over here.
Who's my client's neighbor? Well we're not supposed to give out that sort of info.
Well, it could be our little secret.
We could discuss it over dinner at my house in Beverly Hills.
You married? Now do you think I'd ask you to my house if I had a wife sitting in it? Let's see that is registered to Wade Blackburn.
Never heard of him.
Here you go.
Thanks.
You won't forget my offer.
Oh, don't worry, I won't.
[dog barking.]
[inaudible.]
Okay.
All right, whiz kid, get in there.
Got a new neighbor out at the mine.
(Wells) Some guy just staked a claim.
Well, get rid of him.
We'll take our friend here over our place.
There's just too many people spooking around that mine.
Who are all these people looking for you, Jason? I really don't know.
Don't give us that.
There was a big black guy with a Mohawk and a gold necklace.
Big, black and Mohawk sounds familiar, but not the gold.
The guy I knew didn't own squat.
Whoever they are, we'll bury them.
Yes, sir, this is going to be the richest little bank in the world.
I owe a lot to you and the boys.
As long as you hold up your end.
We both get what we want.
Sign these.
Wait a minute, what's that? (Duke) They're the rest of the certificates for the Swiss account.
With these you can pass the gold into the economy without raising any eyebrows.
See? That's why they call him "The Whiz.
" You could have gone far.
Too bad.
Shut up.
Okay, when do I get my cut? Just before we pull out.
After we've finished all our business.
I don't care what you do to me.
Just do me a favor and leave Deborah out of it.
Well, as long as you do what you're supposed to you ain't got nothing to worry about now, have you? Rusty, find your brothers and take care of that prospector.
All right.
Ain't you heard? Gold rush is over.
Yeah, we're talking to you.
What'd you say? Who are you? Name's Wheezer.
Albert Wheezer.
Gotta claim this here mine.
Gonna give the gold bug one more try.
Old miner, huh? Prospector like my daddy and his daddy before him.
[laughing.]
A real family tradition.
This ain't funny, he's right around the corner from us.
Will you shut up, Rudy.
I know that.
Hey, that's part of my equipment now.
That was my granddaddy's.
Well, what a shame.
You be careful with those.
I only got two pair of those.
Not any more.
We want you out of here, old man.
My mine.
No, it ain't.
Let him go, boys.
[groaning.]
(Rusty) Pack it in, old-timer.
We're gonna be up on that ridge watching you leave.
(Rusty) You're still here in the morning well, we ain't gonna be so neighborly.
[groaning.]
Oh, boy.
This is difficult, huh? We do all the digging, Hannibal has all the fun sitting out front playing Yosemite Sam.
I just can't believe we're doing all this for Deborah.
Her being married and everything.
Hey, man, there's more to life than romance.
There's friendship.
You're right.
She is beautiful, though, and she's smart.
She ain't that smart.
She married a guy who wears ties.
We're through.
That's Blackburn's mine.
Call Hannibal.
Well I'll be darned.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
(B.
A.
) There it is, Hannibal.
(Murdock) Oh, boy, talk about striking it rich.
They didn't even have to dig for it.
Remember that armored car robbery in Coopersville a couple of months back? Yeah, they never did find that truck, did they? Uh-uh.
Good place to hide it.
Remote mine, outside a remote town.
Except that they have one big problem.
How are they gonna rid of all this marked gold? (Hannibal) They must have tried everything possible to change the form of the gold.
So they pretend to mine it.
Melt it down and carry it out as if it was in the walls.
Then they get an investment whiz, Jason Duke to sell the gold in the international market.
He must have found out what was going on.
Yeah.
Well, what's the plan, Hannibal? (Hannibal) We can just drive it out but they might think we're the cops, panic and kill Duke.
We want Jason Duke.
I'm sure they'll be willing to exchange him for their gold which we now have.
Which we now have as long as we're standing right here but you know, this stuff weighs 28 pounds a bar.
It'd take the four of us about two days to haul it to the other end of the tunnel.
We don't have to move it.
All we have to do is make it disappear.
Yes.
Nothing at all.
We're only half finished, guys.
We gotta paint the catering truck to look like the one we've cut up.
(Blackburn) Still here, huh? Yeah.
He was whittling all night.
Yeah.
What'd you whittle? Oh.
Whittled me a gun.
You boys, show yourselves.
Come on.
Don't be afraid of an old man.
(Blackburn) You got our attention.
I've seen many a things in my life, but I never saw what I saw last night.
What was that? I saw an armored car in a gold mine.
And it was full of gold.
I thought you boys were watching this old coot.
We was.
He got up twice the whole night.
Pa! Pa! It's gone.
The truck's gone.
Vanished.
I worked all night to move that.
You boys must have fallen asleep.
Now, where the hell is it? Right up behind you.
Look up there.
(Hannibal) Now, I'll make this short and simple.
You got Jason Duke.
I got the gold.
You wanna swap, huh? That son of yours is quick.
You know that bridge over Otter Creek? Yeah.
Meet me there at noon and bring Jason Duke.
I'll bring the truck.
And bring that crooked bank officer.
I might want him to sign a recommendation for Jason Duke's next job.
I've always wanted to do a bridge swap just like in the movies.
Aren't they traditionally used for the exchange of spies? Works for anybody who doesn't trust each other.
All right, let's do it! Bring us the keys.
We'll come over there and get Duke back on this side.
We'll throw you the keys.
Fine.
Let's just get started.
Baracus? B.
A.
Baracus? Hey, brother, you all right? Yeah.
You got Deborah with you? So Blackburn wouldn't be tempted to kidnap while we made this exchange.
Hurry up and get him on the other side.
[bridge creaking.]
Hannibal, you and your bridge drops.
Hey, Pa.
The gold's floating.
(Blackburn) Hold it.
Now, since when does gold float? Gold doesn't float, stupid.
Take the truck and pick up the rest of them.
Move it.
(Wells) Jason, you're just a little too smart for your own good.
Now get in the mine.
It always was his problem.
Now, let me take a guess.
He figured out that the grade of gold coming out of this couldn't be mined around here.
(Blackburn) Very good.
So we made him an offer, but he was just too honest to go for it.
Another long-standing problem.
These guys will never get away with this.
I'm afraid they already have.
They've got enough paperwork out of me to dispose of the rest of the gold.
Yeah, but they don't have the rest of the gold.
Oh, we will.
You got one hour to remember where the gold is hidden.
After that, we blow the mine.
Could you make it two hours, see some of us haven't seen each other for a while-- Get in the mine, wise guy.
And don't try to sneak out through the other end.
We got it plugged.
He's got no sense of humor.
You know, I can't believe you're here.
I can't believe you came to help me.
I didn't.
I came to help Deborah.
Look, I wanna thank you and your friends for trying to help me.
(Duke) I'm sorry it wound up like this.
Hey, man, it ain't over yet.
Hannibal will think of something.
The man always have a plan.
Well, what's the plan, Hannibal? Simple.
Put the truck back together.
It ain't always a good plan.
Hannibal, those parts are stashed all over the mine.
Anybody got a better plan? Hey, B.
A.
, what's this part used for? Man, leave me alone.
What about this part? Save it for the next truck.
What are we gonna call this thing? B.
A.
's mistake.
[chattering.]
Okay.
We give up.
You got it.
[guns cocking.]
We'll tell you where the gold is.
Where is it? In the mine, we just scattered it.
Well, let's go get it.
Oh, you won't have to.
We're gonna bring it to you.
The captain and the defense.
We still got it.
We wanna thank you all again.
Anytime.
You realize that with all the stock options they gave you as part of your original deal when you came out here, and given the fact that a convicted felon like Wells cannot be a bank officer you are now president of the Whispering Pines Bank.
Really? Trust him.
(Murdock) Congratulations.
And, look, I'd like to talk to you about a small bank loan because I think mood rings are gonna come back in a big way.
Well, anything you want, Murdock.
I think we just may stay in Whispering Pines.
What do you think, Deborah? I think that's a good plan.
Deborah, I'm sure you and Duke will be very happy here.
You know, all those years you were following my footsteps I could always hear you coming closer and closer.
I could have caught you, too.
Yeah, you probably could have.
You probably think after I married Deborah she used to talk about you.
(Duke) Well I ain't gonna tell you.
That's good, Duke.
I want you to have this.
Hey, man, but you won it.
Yeah, but you deserve it.
It's for the most valuable player.
Thanks.
[inaudible.]
[inaudible.]