The Wonder Years s04e18 Episode Script

What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song I will try not to sing out of key, yeah Oh, baby, I get by By with a little help from my friends All I need is my buddies High with a little help from my friends I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher - Try with a little help from my friends - Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah - Ooh, ooh, ooh I guess you could say I had a pretty uncomplicated childhood With one exception my brother, Wayne.
From the moment we first laid eyes on each other, we had an instinctive, natural bond.
It was kind of touching, really.
So, to ensure that bond would flourish and grow, my parents provided us with something, something to keep us together through thick and thin a room Our room.
The thing is, we actually had some pretty good times there.
But looking back now, when I think of that room, what I remember most is how big it seemed when we were little Wayne! And how little it seemed when we got big.
Die, scrote.
Get off, butthead! "Butthead, sir.
" Wayne! By 1971, our room was beginning to seem about the size of a postage stamp.
Idiot.
Say, "pretty please.
" Ugh! Eat it.
Hey, get off! Hey! What's going on here? - Nothing.
- Nothing.
Try and get along, will you? Right, Dad.
But it wasn't that simple.
Oh! Dork! Buffoon! After 14 years of living cheek to jowl, Wayne and I were drowning in a rising tide of old comic books, smelly sweat socks, and petty disputes.
Hey! That's mine! No, it's not! Give me that! No.
No.
Boys?! - Right, Dad.
- Right, Dad.
Don't touch my stuff.
The thing is, it wasn't our fault.
We were just two guys trying to get by, trying to get Out.
- Watch it! - You watch it! Not that there wasn't a solution.
Karen's room 150 square feet of prime, unoccupied real estate right next door to where we lived.
Excuse me.
Just one little hitch.
Mom, what are you doing? Just straightening up.
It isn't fair.
What, honey? Karen's at college.
I mean, she's never here.
How come she gets her own room? Yeah.
What about us? But if we were looking for even-handed justice, we were barking up the wrong Mom.
Now, don't be silly.
You have a room.
That's the way it's always been one room for the boys and one for the girls.
And there you had it.
By accident of birth, we'd been doomed.
[ Slurping .]
Do you have to do that? Do what? [ Slurping .]
That.
Hey, if you don't like it, then leave.
All right.
I will.
But no matter how we tried to get away from each other, something kept drawing us back.
Kevin, are those Wayne's socks you're wearing? [ Chuckles .]
You know, now that I think of it, I may have mixed up your bureau drawers yesterday.
Did you boys notice whose underwear you put on this morning? You wore his underwear? Eww! Look, just don't remind me about it, okay? Man, I think I'd kill myself.
Come on, guys, cut it out.
I mean, it's not that bad.
Oh, yeah? What could be worse? - Well, let me see.
- Paul, just drop it, okay? Sure.
Just he is your brother.
You're lucky to have one.
Easy for Paul to say.
He didn't have a brother.
Paul, trust me.
I can't get away from him.
He's driving me crazy.
Sure.
But what about the good things? The camaraderie, the easy give-and-take, the heartfelt respect.
[ Brakes squeal .]
Hey, butthead! Don't touch my stuff! [ Car backfires .]
I still say you're lucky having someone to talk to Someone there to share your dreams Someone sleeping next to you at night.
[ Snoring .]
[ Sighs .]
Wayne.
Wayne! What? Shut up, will you? No.
You shut up.
No.
You shut up.
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
Paul's theories aside Why'd you wake me up? It was pretty clear Wayne and I had reached the point of no return.
- Ow! - I don't snore.
Yes, you do.
I am living proof! No, I don't.
It was time for a change.
The only question was, how And when? Now, shut up! More potatoes, honey? Mm.
Thanks, Mom.
My sister, Karen, was home from college, which could only mean one of three things.
So How's school? Great, Dad.
Grades? Okay, I think.
Leaving only Money? Well, that's what I want to talk to you about.
Here it came the mid-semester bite, the freshman pinch.
How much? Nothing.
I got a job.
[ Gags .]
[ Coughs .]
A job? You're kidding.
Job? Yes, Dad.
A job.
Well, that's nice, honey.
What kind of a job? At the co-op, on campus for the summertime.
But I thought you were coming home this summer.
Nope.
I'm gonna be living up there.
Now, let's take a moment to consider what just happened here.
My sister had told her family she wouldn't be home for the summer.
To my parents, that meant losing their eldest child, their only girl, their flesh and blood.
But to Wayne and me, it meant something much more immense.
Can we have her room? Can we have her room? Hmm.
Must have been something we said.
There they are.
What do you mean you're not coming home? But, daddy You could tell Karen was fighting for her freedom.
But there was more than just her freedom at stake here.
Man, I hope they let her go.
[ Indistinct arguing .]
[ Swing creaking .]
So, for the next hour, while our future hung in the balance, we waited They got to let her go.
Kind of like expectant fathers.
Think they're gonna let her go? The funny thing is, we actually had fun, hanging out, being together.
I'm gonna get some soda.
You want some? [ Door opens .]
Oh, no.
It was pretty clear what had happened.
Well, guys I'm out of here.
Looks like the room's yours.
- Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Oh, yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Oh, yes! - Yes! Yes! [ Crack! .]
Yes! So, the next day, while Mom and Dad were bidding goodbye to Karen's summers at home - Yes! Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Yes! Wayne and I were saying farewell to an era.
It was almost poignant.
Nice knowing you.
Yeah.
You too.
[ Sighs .]
Well The time had come.
There was nothing left to say but See you, butthead.
See you.
Just one little detail.
So, when you leaving? Me? No, I'm not leaving.
What? I thought you were leaving.
No.
No, I'm staying right here.
You're leaving.
I don't think so.
No.
No.
No.
See, this is my room.
Wrong! This is my room.
That's your room.
And that's when the full horror of what was transpiring hit us.
After more than a decade of strife, it had come down to this.
We'd clawed our way to the very brink of freedom from each other.
And now - Butthead! - Idiot! Suddenly Get off me, you stupid jerk! We were going nowhere.
Butthead! It's my room! Get off! Aah! - Aah! - I'll kill you.
Idiot! Okay.
Move out, you can have anything on this bed.
And so negotiations began.
I don't want anything on this bed.
- What? - It's all junk.
Why don't you take something of mine? You must be joking.
All right, fine.
Suit yourself.
I'll drive you to school every day.
In your car? Aaaah.
Apparently our negotiational skills left something to be desired.
I'll pay you 10 bucks.
No! - $20.
- No! $1,000.
$100.
Look, Wayne, this isn't about money, okay? Whatever it was about, this was too important to be left to mere dollars and cents.
One, two, three, shoot.
So, we left it up to blind luck.
Odds mine.
What the heck? At least this would settle it, one way or the other.
Shoot! Evens.
1-up.
[ Chuckles .]
Shoot! Yes! Yes! [ Laughs .]
There it was an indisputable victory.
I win.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I win.
Two out of three.
It's the best three out of five.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
- It's two out of three.
- Three out of five.
- Two out of three! - Three out of five.
- Wayne, that's cheating.
- Fine.
You don't want to play fair? Then we'll just forget the whole thing.
[Whistling.]
The thing is, I wasn't sure myself why Wayne and I couldn't agree on the one thing we both wanted so much.
So, uh Who's moving into Karen's room? - He is.
- He is.
All I knew was neither one of us was backing down.
I don't get it.
What's the big deal? It's just a room.
Look, Paul, it's not that simple.
There are principles at stake here.
What principles? Well It's my room.
True.
But it's his room, too, right? And he is older, which gives him seniority.
Oh, okay.
Go ahead.
Take his side.
Well, sorry.
But you did say well, just forget I said anything, okay? Maybe he's just afraid to be alone.
What? Or maybe he's afraid of the dark.
Oooooh! Very funny.
Hey, everybody Kevin Arnold's afraid of the dark.
Oooooooh! [ Laughter .]
- I am not! So much for the counsel of trusted friends.
Still, that night, a thought occurred to me that sent chills down my spine, something more terrifying than ghosts and goblins.
Was it possible just possible that I was actually going to miss my brother? [ Water dripping .]
Nah.
I had to shake this off.
It was time to work this out.
Time to unlock doors.
Wayne! Come in! What is this? [ Horn honking .]
This? Well, let's just think of this as traffic control.
Meaning what? Meaning if you insist on coming into my room, you will obey the traffic regulations.
You will stay in authorized lanes at all times.
Otherwise There's a penalty.
Wayne, you're crazy.
You know that? Oops.
Over the line.
Sorry.
[ Scoffs .]
Out of bounds.
Penalty.
Wayne, I'm warning you.
Too much time in the red zone.
Ah! - That's it.
- Hey! Idiot! I'm gonna kill you.
Get off me! Eat it! You punk! Cut it out! Cut it out, scrote! Get off me! [ Glass breaking .]
The hell's going on here? It's about that damn room, isn't it? - Look, Dad - Fine.
You can't make a decision, I'll make it for you.
Nobody gets it.
But, Dad you heard me.
Nobody.
I'll turn it into a den.
Uh, but, Dad -And I don't want to hear another word about it.
You've been bickering long enough.
Am I understood? Good.
We sat there, stunned by one horrible irony in struggling to get apart, we'd locked ourselves together once again.
That's it.
Where are you going? Wayne! Wayne! [ Grunts .]
Beat it! Wait wait up! [ Car door opens .]
You heard me.
Get out of here! This is all your fault! Mine? Hey, I didn't look, I don't even want to talk about it.
Now scram! Where are you going? Where does it look like I'm going? Oh, you're gonna sleep in your car? You got it, butthead.
Well, why? I mean, you got a bed in there.
Because I would rather sleep here than spend one more night in that room with you! What? Don't you get it? I'm sick of you.
I'm sick of seeing you.
I'm sick of hearing you.
And I'm sick of knowing you.
Now get out of here! [ Car door slams .]
It wasn't just what he said that hurt.
It was the fact that he meant it.
[ Zipper closes .]
And at that moment, I felt Betrayed.
After 14 years of putting up with the guy, a guy virtually no one could stand, he had the nerve to say a thing like that? Hey, cut it out! I said cut it out, scrote! But I didn't care.
I was sick of Wayne.
For the first time in my life, I truly wanted him gone.
And then Wayne went.
Hey! Wayne! - Wayne! - Help! Wayne, unlock the door! I can't! - Unlock the door! - I can't! Wayne! Wayne! You're gonna pay for that! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaah! Sometimes it takes a tragedy to put things in perspective.
Sometimes it takes a worn-out brake, five trash cans, and a busted fire hydrant.
In any event I'll take Karen's room.
That night, Wayne and I reached an understanding.
No.
I'll take it.
No.
No, really.
I'll take the room.
No.
I want it, really.
No.
It's okay.
I'll take it, really.
No, no, no.
I know it's okay, Kev.
Wayne, I'll take the room.
It's okay.
I'll take the room.
It's all right.
No.
Wayne, don't worry about it.
I'll take the room.
It's fine.
No, I'm not worried.
I mean, I want the room.
I know you don't.
I'll take it.
'Cause I know you'd rather be in our room.
In the end, Dad flipped a coin.
It was our room growing up.
I'd rather you have it now, okay? Childhood is a struggle.
In struggling to separate ourselves from one another, Wayne and I had also struggled to stay together.
In order to break apart, we'd had to hurt each other.
And now We'd done what we had to do.
[ Knock on wall .]
[ Knock on wall .]
[ Knock on wall .]
[ Knock, knock .]
The thing is, even today, on nights when I lie in bed listening to my children in their rooms, breathing next to one another, I wish for them what my parents had wished for my brother and me.
[ Projector whirring .]
I wish for them what we had.