Abbott Elementary (2021) s04e19 Episode Script

1
Step practice will move
from 3:00 to 3:30 this Thursday,
this Thursday only.
After that, normal time practice.
Hey, when exactly was the last
time Ava did announcements?
Never. Said it was boring.
Can't say I disagree.
Well, they still need to be shared.
Yeah, like December 2021 to June 2022.
Oh. [INTERCOM BEEPS]
Show your report card at Hoagie Hole
and get a free button.
That place got shut down.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
Hoagie Hole has been shut down.
I repeat,
Hoagie Hole has been shut down.
Do not go there.
After removing Ava from her position,
the district asked me
to fill in as interim principal.
It's only temporary,
I'm not trying to take over,
but while here, I will be
doing things a bit differently.
That wraps up the morning announcements.
And hey, the most important
thing to remember?
Learn something today
and have fun doing it.
[INTERCOM CLICKS OFF]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
[DOOR OPENS] She's here. She's here.
Hello, current employees.
Gorgeous former employee stopping by
to pick up some stuff I left.
Ava, what a surprise to see you,
since Dia definitely didn't
tell us you were coming.
Mnh-mnh.
You need a badge.
[CHUCKLING]
Okay, Dia. Clocked.
Well, you look great.
Refreshed. [GASPS] Glowing, even.
Like a Like a painting come to life.
Real quick, you may have noticed
that I am interim principal,
but it is only temporary.
I'm not trying to swoop in
and take over or anything.
Don't believe him, Ava. It's a coup.
Well, it's only been two days, but
yes, I do look amazing.
Well, what have you been up to?
A-And And how are you?
And honestly, I never use this word,
but it is so stupid that they fired you.
Girl, I'm good.
Abbott was never
my primary source of income.
Now I have time for my far more
lucrative side hustles.
I even put some feelers out
into the public speaking circuit
since my Ed Talk did so well.
- Yeah. That's very smart.
- Awesome.
- Awesome. Good for you.
- Very smart.
Well, I am still planning to fix this.
I'm going down to the district
later today.
Mkay, girl.
Dia, I'm expecting
a box of blank t-shirts,
designer labels, and a sewing
kit to be delivered here.
It was already en route
when I got fired.
Resend it to that address.
Who's paying for this?
Alright, y'all,
it was a pleasure to see me,
but I'm out.
Ah She took the damn badge.
BARBARA: I just want to thank you all
for bearing with me
these last two classes
while I develop the lesson plan.
- KIDS: You're welcome.
- JACOB: You're welcome.
[BARBARA STAMMERS, SIGHS]
Barbara and I work the same hours,
so I never get to watch her cook.
So when I heard she was
teaching music after school,
I immediately asked her
if I could sit in,
you know, when I'm free.
No, I don't remember that conversation.
I'm so happy that you are all here
to learn about the gift that is music.
And let's begin with
the fundamentals.
[SIGHS] Of course.
So everybody, please
just put down your kazoos.
[KAZOO HONKS SADLY]
Pick up your paper, your pencils.
- [WHISPERING] Can I borrow a pencil?
- Yeah.
And let's get to work.
Wait, I don't get to drum?
Yeah, I thought we were singing.
No, no, no, no,
you are gonna be drumming,
and we will be singing,
after we learn
the fundamentals.
So let's begin with scales.
Mrs. Howard, are we gonna learn
how to make a song go viral?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Ooh. Do you know the first
person to ever go viral?
- Yes.
- Jesus.
Yes, but [CHUCKLES]
what about the second?
James Brown!
I knew it.
Mm-hmm. And do you know how he did it?
By learning the fundamentals.
The fun-da-mentals.
Hey, dingbat, how's it feel
to get off the bench?
- Oh, I'm
- Yeah, I don't care.
Listen, I got a kid who just
developed an allergy to garlic,
poor thing.
So I got to put it in her file.
Oh, okay. Um, it may take me a second.
Ava rearranged her files recently.
What's the student's name?
Lateria Newton.
- Newton, Newton, Newton
- "N."
Uh, Natalie Anderson,
- blood vs. water, 1.
- Newton.
Okay, uh
Michele Fitzgerald,
Brain vs. Brawn vs. Beauty, 6.
- What?
- Dia, do you know
if Ava changed the filing system
when she rearranged?
I thought she organized
everything based on a hot dad scale.
Yeah, apparently, the dad scale
was too easy to decode.
Perfect.
Um I'll let you know when I find it.
Okey-dokey.
Sure hope today's lunch ain't Italian.
Yesterday, I went to
the district to speak to H.R.
on Ava's behalf,
but Warren wasn't available,
which is great 'cause he hates me.
So I left a message for Manny,
got some info from a stranger.
Called Ava. Didn't answer, not abnormal.
Got her address from Dia, and
now I'm on the way to her house.
[CHUCKLES] Kind of excited.
I haven't been there before.
[DOOR OPENS, BELLS JINGLE]
Janine, what are you doing here?
Oh, um, well, it was important,
and I wanted to talk to you
face to face,
so I came to this address you gave
Is this your house?
This is my premium P.O. box.
Do you think I would give
any of you my home address?
Well, I just talked to
some people at the district,
and there is a chance
at getting you an appeal.
Oof. Beg for my job back
and give them a chance to fire me twice?
Well, it's not ideal, but
we don't have a ton of options.
Okay, well maybe.
Right now, though, I got to rehearse.
I just found out someone
dropped out of a Teb Talk
that's happening on Thursday,
so they called me in to do it.
Wow. That's so cool, Ava.
Did she say Teb Talk?
[SIGHS]
Hey! Did you say Teb Talk?
Teb. Tebias Talks.
Only suckers still listen to Ted.
And that's a real thing?
It's at the airport Luxury Inn,
conference room L.
So, yeah, it's real.
Okay, listen, I really think
we should pursue this appeal.
Okay, sure, whatever.
File your little appeal, I gotta go.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Hey, Lexus, play Ava Flav's
"Ooh, She Serious
About That Paper" playlist.
[BEEP, DONNA SUMMER'S "SHE
WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY" PLAYING]
She works hard for the money ♪
BARBARA: So you might ask,
"How do I know if it's a minor
or a major scale?"
By looking at the
KIDS: Third note.
- Yes!
- BARBARA: [ON RECORDING] Fun-damentals.
Fun-damentals. Fun, fun, fun,
fun-damentals.
Exactly.
Men, men, men, mentals.
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING]
- W-What is that?
- Duh.
Fun-damentals. Fun-damentals.
RICHIE: I think
if I catch the algo just right,
this song might take off.
Men, men, mentals.
Song? Honey, that is not a song.
That is a collection of noises.
Aren't all songs
just collections of noises?
No. Shemar. No, they are not.
And is this what you've been doing
when you're supposed
to be taking notes in class?
We were just trying to make a cool song.
Hmm, no, you weren't.
You were mocking me
with my own beautiful voice. Mm.
[HUMMING OFF-KEY]
Jacob, if you cannot hum
on pitch, please do not hum at all.
This feels not about me.
Uh, everything okay, girl?
How's How's class going?
Terribly.
They have taken a recording of my voice,
chopped it, skewed it, and
Lucy Liu'd it into oblivion.
Well, yeah.
I teach kids that age all day,
and it can be rough.
They're just not interested
in learning the funda
The building blocks.
You are a great teacher,
and they are lucky to have you.
Maybe just meet them where they are.
You know, try teaching them
the funda-building blocks
on their terms.
You're right, Jacob.
I am a great teacher.
Hmm? Yeah? And and what about
the other stuff I said?
Baby, I didn't hear a word.
I'm gonna have to
figure this out on my own.
Yeah.
What the hell are you doing?
- Oh
- I don't have your file, okay?!
Ava's system makes zero sense.
She's got third graders
next to first graders
next to fifth graders
next to seventh graders.
- It's nuts!
- Did you try talking to Ava?
I called. I sent messages.
Nothing. She's not responding
to anything.
Hey, does the name Boston Rob
mean anything to you?
I am a warm-blooded,
mostly straight woman
who was alive in 2003.
Of course the name Boston Rob
means something to me.
Well, he is on multiple kids' files.
"Boston Rob, Redemption Island, 6."
Okay, so her system's clearly
based off the show "Survivor,"
but you probably
already figured that out.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Dante is in second grade,
- not sixth.
- Do you watch "Survivor"?
Yeah, no, my husband got it
in the divorce.
That's how I got the house.
"Sandra Diaz-Twine, Pearl Islands, 2."
All of Ava's files
are labeled like that.
Hey, hey, maybe
the number is not the grade.
Maybe it's the episode.
- O-Okay, then what are you doing?
- Okay.
I think we got to watch all
of "Survivor" to crack her code.
Okay. Well, it shouldn't be too hard.
How many episodes can there be?
[CHUCKLES]
[CELLPHONE VIBRATING] Ooh. Uh, okay.
Um, I got to take this,
so just keep being
well-behaved little angels.
Okay. Be right back.
[CLEARS THROAT] Hey, Manny.
Thanks for getting back to me.
MANNY: For sure.
So, I pulled some strings
and got you and Ava time to plead
your case to the powers that be.
That is amazing. Thank you so much.
Of course. But listen,
I'd advise you
to not get your hopes up.
I-I've never seen cases
like this overturned.
[SCOFFS]
Well, that's because you never
had Janine Teagues on the case.
Um, still very much
an uphill endeavor.
Mountains are only as steep
as the angle
from which you look at them.
For sure.
I'm gonna call Ava.
[PHONE LINE RINGS]
AVA: [VOICEMAIL RECORDING]
You've reached Ava.
If you're a former member
of the Golden State Warriors,
you need to move on!
Everyone else, just text me.
[BEEP]
I'm just gonna text her. [SQUEALS]
Alright, everybody, now eyes up here.
Oh. Don't mind me. I am not here, okay?
I'm just a bug on the wall,
witnessing the expert tutelage
of this century's greatest educator.
- Chill, bro.
- BARBARA: Alright, now,
while I might not love
the way it's being shown,
I love that you're all
so excited about music.
And so today, we are going
to harness that excitement.
Are we gonna play instruments?
Nope. Better.
Yo, we're singing?
No, even better than that.
I want you to pick your favorite song.
Oh, easy. "Fade Into You," Mazzy Star.
[CHUCKLES TEARFULLY]
I'm gonna cry just thinking about it.
- Dude.
- What?
What's your favorite song?
"Whatchu Kno About Me." Ugh, ugh ♪
Fantastic. I want you all to go home
and pick your "Whatchu Kno
About Me"s, ugh, ugh.
[KIDS GIGGLE]
Then I want you to write down
how does the song make you feel.
Then I want you to research
the song's chord progressions
to present to class tomorrow.
Mrs. Howard,
what are chord progressions?
[GASPS] Why, I'm so glad you asked.
Chord progressions.
Loved ones, you might want
to keep an ear in on
How has Jeff Probst not aged?
Melissa, we have 47 seasons
to get through.
You cannot keep pausing it.
Hey, have either of you guys
heard from Ava?
If I had, would I still be watching
a bunch of starving men
run around in saggy boxers?
I don't know what you're into.
Jacob's got some weird stories.
No, we haven't heard anything. [GROANS]
PROBST: on this. The winning
pair will board a plane
and be flown
to a neighboring island,
- where you will experience the blowhole.
- Wait.
I'm brilliant. Plane, airport, hotel.
Mel, baby, grab your things.
We're going to the airport.
- Use more words.
- I can tell you about it in the car.
- We just We need to go.
- Okay, you're not the only one
on a time crunch here, Janine.
We're not just sitting here
watching TV for the fun of it.
Listen to your loved ones.
They must then
- Guys, turn the show off! Hmm?
- Oh.
- Turn the show off.
- Yeah, um
- Yeah, come on, let's go.
- Yeah. Come on, Melissa.
- Okay. Okay. I'm going.
- Go ahead. You got it.
I'm going. Yeah.
- Come on.
- Alright. You want some more of that love?
- CONTESTANTS: Yes.
- Gregory!
[TUNING FORK PINGS]
Class, I am so excited
to hear the songs you have picked.
So, who wants to go first?
Well, to challenge myself,
I actually went with
my second-favorite song,
which is, of course, a 21-way tie
between every song on the
"Nightmare Before Christmas"
- soundtrack.
- Jacob?
It's not just your time
you're wasting.
Shemar, why don't you go first?
Oh, I didn't do it.
- Excuse me?
- You gave us homework
in an extracurricular class.
I barely do my actual homework.
But you did sign up to learn music.
Or am I mistaken?
I mean, I kind of just
wanted to hang out and have fun.
Yeah. I thought we'd
at least get to play music,
but we just been taking notes.
Okay, Sylvie, so I guess
you didn't do the assignment, either.
- Mnh-mnh.
- Mnh-mnh.
You know what?
Jacob, you are in charge of class today,
because I will not be expending
any more energy
where it is not appreciated.
Thank you.
[AIRPLANE ENGINES WHOOSHING]
JANINE: Ava. Hey.
What are y'all doing here?
This is a ticketed event.
- Well, you didn't text me back.
- I never text you back.
- You didn't text any of us back.
- Statement still applies.
Cool. So, about your filing system
Uh-uh-uh. I talked to Manny
and secured some time for you to
plead your case to the district,
so we should get started
preparing immediately.
I can't do that right now.
If we're gonna get your job back,
we need an airtight argument.
And to nail that,
we really need to get started.
Hey, bobblehead, give me a second.
I literally have a job to do right now.
Excuse me.
Wait, Ava, what
What am I missing? I mean, she
she should be excited about this.
Maybe she's still in shock.
I mean, she is in a two
and a half star hotel right now.
Yeah, there was no valet.
She parked her own car.
This woman is clearly in crisis.
You know what? Maybe we should go in.
Maybe we should show her some support.
Um, and be the only people
in the audience?
- Yeah, hard pass.
- No, I'm with Janine on this.
It's the right thing to do, man.
- Mm-hmm.
- Come on.
Alright.
[CROWD CHEERING]
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
our next speaker is a former principal
who chose to step down
in order to spend more time
helping her community.
Someone who took a school
from the bottom 1%
and brought it to the double digits!
Put your hands together
for entrepreneur,
philanthropist, and life coach
Ava Coleman!
[CROWD ROARING, UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Are you ready?
Success. Money. Your wildest dreams.
Whoo! Good afternoon, lost people.
Your compass is here.
[CROWD ROARING, UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Do you feel that? [LAUGHS]
And as a principal, nay, an educator.
I've always told the children
they can achieve
whatever they want in life.
And the same goes for you.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Where's my hype man?
Y'all deserve some t-shirts!
[SCREAMS]
Who's cold?
Oh, my God. Mr. Johnson?
Why do all audiences love t-shirts?
- I don't know.
- Give that to me.
Give it! Give it!
You. What's your name?
Leah Smalls.
And what do you want this year, Leah?
Well, I-I'd really like
to find my soulmate,
but no one's ever loved me.
Well, Leah, I used to work
with a little annoying woman
who thought she'd end up alone.
- Hey.
- She found someone.
I knew a slight man.
Edamame arms. [CHUCKLES]
He found someone.
Now, why would she say that about Jacob?
I knew a redhead with a bangin' body
and a stank attitude. [LAUGHS]
She's as happy as a clam!
She ain't lying.
So I promise you,
whatever you want to achieve in life,
it's possible!
Who wants another t-shirt?!
[CROWD ROARING]
CROWD: [CHANTING] Ava! Ava! Ava! Ava!
"Fundamentals. Fun, da"
I mean, it is a pretty catchy tune.
All my students have
been singing it in class
instead of paying attention to me.
I guess it is kind of an earworm.
Just wish it had more build.
Well, then maybe
you could help them with that.
I mean, you love music. They love music.
I really think there's a way
for this to work.
You're an amazing teacher, Barbara.
Thank you, baby.
What was that you were saying?
Have you considered
showing them what the song needs
in order to make it better?
Seriously?
I heard you. I'm considering.
AVA: They say the only way out
is through.
I say the only way forward
is to let go of what was,
even if it's hard.
Embrace the unknown.
Go forward, and you
just might surprise yourself.
[CHUCKLES] So gather up your jackets.
Move it to the exits.
I hope you found a friend.
Closing time. Every new beginning
comes from some other beginning's end.
Thank you! Good night!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Oh, you're welcome.
- Hey. Ah.
- Hey.
That was incredible.
I mean, who knew
this was such a big deal?
Y'doi. Conference room L,
L standing for the largest
conference room they have.
- Ah.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay, yeah.
[SIGHS] You know what?
Maybe we shouldn't beg
for your job back.
You got a good thing going here.
And I think I was the one
who was having trouble
processing you leaving.
Maybe I just need to move forward.
I think I'm just
really going to miss you.
Well, who wouldn't, kids meal?
- What do you two want?
- So, about your filing system.
I feel like I almost have it
figured out.
Does the immunity idol have anything
to do with the kids' vaccinations?
Oh, no. It's simple.
Each file has one highlighted letter
under the player and season.
So last name, first letter
is highlighted under "Survivor" player,
first name, first letter in the season.
Okay. What about the episode number?
Oh, those are the bus routes.
70% of the time
when you pull a kid's file,
it's to alert the parents
to some bus issue.
So just cross-reference that
with the bus chart
and boom, there's your file.
- Uh-huh. Wow.
- Huh. That's, um
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- AVA: You're welcome.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
- Oh.
- AVA: Thank you.
- Okay, well, I guess
this is adios. Mm-hmm.
But I really hope it's hasta luego.
I tell you one thing I won't
miss is you speaking Spanish.
LEAH: Can I have your autograph, please?
Fun-damentals, fun, fun ♪
- I think it needs more bass.
- Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun ♪
I think it needs more of a vibe.
Am I right in guessing that
your song did not catapult you
to superstardom overnight?
Not yet. We know you think it's bad
It's not bad.
It's actually quite catchy.
Have you tried giving it
a stronger build?
You know, like, here's an example.
It's called
a diatonic chord progression.
Here you go.
[CHORDS PLAYING ON PIANO]
Oh, that's hard.
Oh. You said that like a compliment,
so I will take it as such.
I'm so used to teaching
the younger ones the basics
that I forgot that the older ones,
they need to know why they're learning.
Hit it, baby! [BASS GUITAR PLAYING]
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
Fun-damentals, fun-damentals ♪
Fun, fun, fun, fun-damentals ♪
- Men, men, men, mentals ♪
- Hear the chord progression?
Hear it? I-I love it. [LAUGHS]
Duh [VOCALIZING]
Ooh. Wonderful. That's wonderful.
[SONG STOPS PLAYING]
Alright, alright. Great job.
And I will see you all tomorrow.
[SIGHS] Yes.
Hey, Mrs. Howard. That was fun,
but I still want to keep learning
music your way if that's cool.
Of course it is, August.
Thank you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
N. N-L. N-L. Okay, Cerie Tiffany Fields,
capital N in Tiffany,
- big L in Island.
- L. Yes?
"N" comma "L."
Lateria Newton. Lateria Newton!
So, Ava's filing system is genius.
Um, I pride myself
on my organizational prowess,
but, uh, I'm about
to go reorganize my desktop.
- Oh, my God!
- I hate to interrupt
whatever this is,
but I need Nate Wilson's file.
- Nate Wilson! Nate Wilson.
- Nate Wilson! Nate Wilson.
Okay, Nate Wilson, Nate Wilson,
- Nate Wilson, Nate Wilson.
- Dig deep, Melissa.
- Come on. Come on. Okay.
- Nate Wilson! Number 9.
- 9.
- Bus 9. 9, 9, 9.
- There it is. You got it.
- Here's 9. Here's 9.
Okay. Nate Wilson. W. Big W.
Yul Kwon, Cook Islands, 9.
Big W, big N Nate Wilson.
Nate Wilson!
- Whoo!
- Damn, I'm having a blast!
What a rush.
Give me another one, Dia!