Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s04e19 Episode Script
King in the North
1 Guess who's also having a baby? What?! Yay! I was gonna say your cheeks were looking rounder, but I wasn't sure.
I'm referring to my book "A Case of a Knife to the Brain.
" I finally got a publication date.
What? Yay! You think my cheeks are rounder? Hey, you should come to Key West with me to celebrate.
My doctor prescribed rest and relaxation, and it might be the last time I can get away before the baby arrives.
Rest and relaxation? When I was pregnant with Emery, I was working right up until my contractions were under a minute apart.
[PANTING.]
And if you have a dinner party you can extend it [HUFFING.]
With the built-in table leaf.
Uh, oh, we'll take it! Just please go to the hospital.
Of course you'll need chairs to go with it! I appreciate the invite, but I'm just too busy.
I have to come up with a treatment for my follow-up book.
I have to think of talking points for the book tour.
But first, I need to solicit praise quotes for the book cover.
The publishers have already reached out to Dean Koontz and Kenny Rogers, but I have my sights set on the king Stephen King.
- Wow.
You do have a lot going on.
- Yes.
Ah, but remember, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
" Is that some sort of a joke? That's a line from "The Shining.
" The movie, not the book.
That's Kubrick Kubricking all over the work of a genius.
See, this is the kind of junk I need to get ahead of.
S04E19 King in the North Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat All right, Koontz, lay it on me.
"Jessica Huang's debut book shows a lot of promise in this cover-to-cover mystery.
" Meh.
The new restaurant sign has arrived! Now that I've regained full ownership, I'm putting my name out front "Louis Huang's Cattleman's Ranch Steakhouse.
" [CHUCKLES.]
I can't wait to see her all lit up, especially since Emery designed it.
EMERY: Sorry for all the shaky lines.
It's hard to draw at night when the occupant of the bottom bunk shakes the bed laughing at joke books.
Well, at least your hand doesn't get stepped on when the occupant of the top bunk jumps down for a middle-of-the-night pee! [SCOFFS.]
You're messing up my filing system! Oh, my God.
It's a letter from Bangor, Maine! Stephen King wrote me! "Dear Jessica, thanks for sharing your book.
Unfortunately, I don't comment on other authors' works.
Happy scribbling, Stephen King.
" [SIGHS.]
GRANDMA: Ai-yah! Spring dance tickets.
Love is in the air.
No way.
Dress up the gym however you want, it's still extra school.
I see.
Noted.
Planted in the curls.
I think it would be fun to go.
Nice to have someone to dance with other than my mom.
It's too late.
At this point, we would have to scramble to find dates.
Let's go as a group! It's crazy that we're all single at the same time.
You've always been single.
Your whole time.
I'm down to go as a group.
If it's cool, cool.
If it sucks, it's still cool because we're cool.
Okay.
What are we gonna wear? We should pick a theme, like Camelot.
Or "Dusk till Dawn.
" Why do you like that movie so much? You're right.
It's just George Clooney fighting vampires.
Who would love that? What if we wear the blue and orange tuxedos from "Dumb and Dumber"? And the winner is Nicole's idea! Of course that's what we should wear.
- 100% - Totally.
That was Clooney? Thanks for coming to what I hope is an illuminating experience.
Louis, sorry I will miss your sign party.
I decided to go on that trip with Honey after all.
Oh, thank God.
[CHUCKLES.]
Now I can just wing it knowing you won't be yelling "Talk faster!" in the middle of my speech.
Everybody's bored! Remember that, since I won't be there to tell you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ma, you want to go check out the new sign? If it's not crowded, you could do wheelies in the parking lot.
What? You're moving out? I'm so happy you changed your mind.
And getting away from the book will be healthy for you, too.
- I promise.
- Hey, can you lean back a little bit? I'm tracking a shifty-looking Taurus in the side-view.
Oops! Oh, you accidentally got on 95 North.
We need South for Key West.
It wasn't an accident.
We're taking a quick detour to Maine.
I just got to get that quote from Stephen King first.
Uhp, you're leaning forward again.
[MUMBLES.]
Maine? The big hat on top of our country? That's 11 states away! I felt bad about Stephen King's letter until I remembered reading that his agent screens his mail.
Stephen never even saw my manuscript.
If I can hand him a copy myself, I know he'll read it, love it, and write a glowing quote.
Jessica, this is supposed to be my chance to get away and relax.
I packed for the beach.
Maine has beaches.
They just have more rocks and family secrets.
[SCOFFS.]
Look, just because it's a different destination doesn't mean we can't still have a fun and relaxing time.
I have always wanted to see New England.
I've never seen a craggy coastline in person.
You know what? Let's go to Maine! Yes! [LAUGHS.]
Don't get mad, but I invited somebody else along.
Miss Amy Grant.
Every heartbeat bears your name Yes.
Loud and clear, they [CELLPHONE RINGS.]
[RINGING.]
JESSICA: Leave a message.
[ BEEP.]
[SCOFFS.]
Hey, Jessica, it's me.
You're not gonna believe this.
My mom wants to move out.
Call me back.
Your mother's moving out? Aw, I can't imagine what that's like.
That's because I don't deal in hypotheticals.
I mean, I'm a realist.
In our culture, you never leave your family.
You get old, you move in with your kids, and you sweep their driveway until you die.
She doesn't really want to move out.
She just wants to feel appreciated.
A beautiful bird like that sitting around all day alone? Classic cry for attention.
Heck, Amy here threatens to run off with Max's karate sensei twice a month.
It's just a little skit we do when I forget to wash the dishes.
[LAUGHS.]
It's just a little skit.
[LAUGHS.]
[EVAN LAUGHING.]
Oh-ho-oh, goodness.
Evan, I'm moving out.
Grandma leaving means her room's in play, so I'm gonna take it.
What? Why? Remember in "An American Tail" when Fievel the mouse leaves Ukraine for America after hearing that there are no cats and the streets are paved with cheese? That's what Grandma's room means to me Opportunity.
We're not sharing a room anymore? It's time, Evan.
I mean, how long did you think this was gonna last? ["HAIL TO THE CHIEF" PLAYS.]
Uh, vetoed.
Get me the vice president! Yes, Dr.
President? Never gets old! [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Hello, First Lady Kristi Yamaguchi-Huang.
Husband, what do you feel like tonight? A '52 Fontaine Laroche or a 1998 Red Antler Cabernet? Well, who's coming to dinner? Your brother, Eddie.
BOTH: The Red Antler Cabernet.
[CHUCKLES.]
You really think you're gonna marry Kristi Yamaguchi? Well, yeah, after I play the field a little first.
I'll tell you what I'm not gonna miss That cocky attitude of yours.
Well, if you're so anxious to leave, why don't you grab your things and get out of my room? Enjoy smelling like a lady, because Grandma's perfume is never coming out of those walls! Welcome to Maine.
[SIGHS.]
It's freezing.
I'm glad I got this sweatshirt at a rest stop.
Okay, let's go.
I heard Stephen King is a regular at the local diner.
We'll wait for him there, and I'll give him my book.
But we just got here.
Irma's on her way up to show us which room the old ship captain haunts! [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
Did you see this? The PTA issued a new dress code for the dance.
"Boys must wear jackets and ties.
Girls must wear dresses or skirts.
" So, Alison and I can't wear tuxedos? Someone must've heard about our plan and tipped off the PTA.
Me and Nicole can just wear orange and blue dresses.
I'll take blue, so you're orange, right? Say it.
Say you're orange.
The school can't tell me what to wear.
What's the big deal? Just wear a skirt.
You wear them all the time.
Yeah, when I want to, not because the PTA can't handle a chick in a suit.
They expect everyone to look and act a certain way.
There's a term for that, you know? No, I don't know.
What is it? "Gender conformity.
" That's what Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers calls it.
- Flea? - No.
Not Flea.
Anthony Kiedis.
I thought that was Flea's real name.
Look, it's not about dresses and suits.
What they're really trying to say is that girls need to like boys and boys need to like girls.
They want to make us all the same, but some of us aren't.
Brava.
I agree.
She should be able to wear whatever orange clothes she wants.
LOUIS: Hello, Mother.
Beer? So, I've been thinking.
As a cherished elder, you deserve more around here.
So, I got you this.
[CHUCKLES.]
No more fumbling to dial QVC late at night.
I even put a satellite dish on the roof so you can get all your favorite British soap operas.
Called "Hope.
" Well, my father wishes me to go back to London on the next train.
You still wanna move out? But you can't manage on your own.
I would like a copy of my receipt.
Hmm? Keep your eyes peeled.
Stephen can assume many different looks.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
Go for Jessica.
Hey.
Did you get my message? Uh yes, yes.
- Go ahead and buy it.
- What? I'm sorry, I remember, but remind me - What was the message? - Mom threw me a real curveball.
Stephen King.
He eats here all the time.
Louis, I'll call you back.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
When will Stephen be in? Not today, on account of the Boston Red Sox.
He never misses a game.
It's freezing.
Ugh, that woman has her hands in her mouth for warmth.
Hey! Hey, you're not Stephen King! The usher said these are his seats.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I-I'm his plumber, Martin.
He gave me his tickets 'cause he never goes to a game on the anniversary of his cat's death.
[SIGHS.]
Smucky.
Stephen King visits this pet cemetery every year on the anniversary of Smucky's death.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
[SCOFFS.]
Not now, Louis.
Have some respect for the dead.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
I think I found Smucky.
Stephen's not here.
Oh, Jessica, come on.
It's freezing.
Can't we just go to his house? I'm not gonna go to his home! I'm not a crazy person! [SIGHS.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS.]
Why is it so hot in here? Hey, Evan.
[INTRO TO "SOMEWHERE OUT THERE" PLAYS.]
Somewhere out there Beneath the pale moonlight Someone's thinking of me And loving me tonight And even though I know how very far apart we are It helps to think we might be wishing On the same bright star And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby TOGETHER: It helps to think we're sleeping Underneath the same big sky [DEEP VOICE.]
Uh, hey.
It's past your bedtime, boys.
[DEEP VOICE.]
Uh, just getting some fresh air.
[DEEP VOICE.]
Checking on Mommy's snapdragons.
You were right.
The school can't tell us what to wear.
You're going to the dance.
Eddie, they obviously don't want me there.
It's easier for everyone if I just don't go.
Yeah, that's why you have to go.
I know what it's like to be treated differently because you're not the same as everyone else.
It sucks.
But if we don't take a stand, then we are the same as everyone else.
I can't believe you shaved your legs.
[CHUCKLES.]
If I'm gonna show 'em, I'm gonna show 'em, you know? I'll cut through the air when I spin, like a dolphin.
[CHUCKLES.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
Irma told me about a St.
Bernard rescue a town over.
Stephen King might be there reliving the success of "Cujo.
" - Let's go! - No! No! I haven't had 10 minutes to relax this entire trip! I want to sit in a warm bath and rest.
[SIGHS.]
Maybe you should You should take a break, too.
You can call Louis back and [GRUNTS.]
Honey, what's wrong? [PANTING.]
I think I think I'm having contractions.
Don't worry.
You weren't in labor.
You had what are called Braxton Hicks contractions.
Like a little practice run before the big show.
You and baby are perfectly fine.
Oh, thank God.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
I would've felt so guilty if your baby had been born a citizen of Maine.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm happy you're okay Both of you.
Why don't we go get you those blueberry pancakes? I feel bad I made you miss them earlier.
Thanks, Jessica.
I'd like that.
Good.
We can order them to go and you can eat them in the car on the way to the St.
Bernard rescue.
Great.
That sounds good.
Honey? [DOORKNOB RATTLES.]
I think you accidentally locked the door.
[OUTKAST'S "ATLIENS" PLAYS.]
Well it's the M-I crooked letter, ain't no one better And when I'm on the microphone, you best to wear your sweater 'Cause I'm cooler than a polar bear's toenails Whoa! Look at you two.
What about the dress code? We know it's gonna be a thing, so if you guys wanna go in without us, you can.
We don't want to mess up your night.
We said we were gonna go as a group let's go as a group.
Not to take away from the moment, but, Nicole, you did say you were gonna wear orange.
You guy You guys heard her, right? Guys, come on.
If you want to go in, you're gonna have to switch bottoms.
We're not changing.
You can't tell us what to wear.
You either let all of us in, or none of us.
Okay, great.
Then none of you come in.
Next! It's cool.
We don't need a high-school dance to have a good time.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING FROM CAR.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, are you the ones who got kicked out 'cause of your outfits? Uh, yeah.
We're not down with gender conformity.
Like Anthony Kiedis.
I don't know who that is, but everybody's talking about you inside.
See you around.
By the way I think you look great in a suit.
And you look great in a skirt.
It's just like an open short! You too! "You too"? Why'd you let me say "open short"?! We didn't even get their names.
[SIGHS.]
We're so bad at this.
[SIGHS.]
That was really tough to watch.
I guess that's why we're all single.
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
JESSICA: Hello.
This is your doctor.
I have your medicine.
[SIGHS.]
[LOCK DISENGAGES.]
It was me.
I know.
You promised me a relaxing trip.
We've driven 2,100 miles chasing Stephen King for a quote he probably won't give you.
It's called "dedication.
" Stephen gets it.
That's what "The Shining" is all about.
Jack Torrance wouldn't let anything get in the way of his writing.
That's why he's a hero.
He was a maniacal alcoholic who lost his mind and tried to bludgeon his family with an axe.
Mallet.
In the book, it was a mallet! You have been so obsessed with getting this quote you barely even stopped when I went into false labor.
And you told Louis you were gonna call him back and you never did.
Do you even know what's going on with him? "The Shining" is about not letting one thing consume you.
For Jack, it was alcohol.
For you, it's the book.
I know how important this is to you, but you have to make time for other important things in your life.
Hey, there! [BOTH SCREAM.]
Stay away from her baby, demon! Whoa, sorry.
I-I visit kids on the pediatric floor, and I take naps in the beds between rounds.
Kind of got trapped in here when you guys came in.
Oh, congrats, by the way, on your Uh, thanks? I heard you mention Stephen King.
I see him all the time.
My friends say he based a character on me, but I don't read any of his books.
Too scary.
You see Stephen King all the time? I'm gonna see him tonight at our bowling league.
You know his ball has a skull on it? If you ask me, it's a little bit on the [NOSE HONKS.]
Anyway, you guys should come by, if you like.
Sorry, clown, I can't.
I have to go home to see my family.
Okay.
How much of my exam did you Enough.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
How's the new room? It's good.
It's good.
It's a little hot, but good.
- How's the old place? - Good.
Good.
I moved the toy chest over to the back corner.
Oh.
You always wanted to try that.
I did.
Yeah.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hmm.
I'm home, everybody! LOUIS: Hey! You never called me back! I called so many times.
Did you get my voicemails? I did.
I am sorry.
I should've called you back.
I am done chasing Stephen King.
I won't be so laser-focused on one thing at a time.
From now on, I will be laser-focused on everything all the time.
Jenny.
Don't go.
Louis wants you to stay.
We all do.
You're part of the family.
I know you want your own space, so what if we turn the garage into an apartment? Sure.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, this is gonna be great, Mom.
I thought maybe we could turn her room into my office.
It would help me separate work from family.
If you take Grandma's room, then I'd have to move back in with Evan! Thank the Maker! [CHUCKLES.]
Happy to have you back.
It's good to be back.
Moms, welcome home! I wanna hear all about your trip, but I gotta return the skirt I wore to the dance and then go through the yearbook with Nicole to find out who those bisexual parking-lot sirens were.
This! This is what you use the cellphone for.
Me as something more than that.
He wants to marry me.
Oh-ho-ho, no.
He's not marrying you.
Bangor.
Maine.
Stephen King finally wrote me praise for "A Case of a Knife to the Brain"! This is what persistence and dedication can do for you, boys.
Learn from this.
"Dear Jessica Huang, this is a restraining order issued to protect Stephen King pursuant to stalking him at his local diner, harassing his plumber, and desecrating his deceased cat's grave.
Plaintiff Stephen King claims, quote 'Jessica Huang is scarier than any character I could ever write myself.
'" I knew Stephen would come through.
[CHUCKLES.]
Look at us.
We made it.
Moved here with nothing but a dream.
Now we own our home, both our names are displayed on public signs, and our boys have blossomed into Already too long!
I'm referring to my book "A Case of a Knife to the Brain.
" I finally got a publication date.
What? Yay! You think my cheeks are rounder? Hey, you should come to Key West with me to celebrate.
My doctor prescribed rest and relaxation, and it might be the last time I can get away before the baby arrives.
Rest and relaxation? When I was pregnant with Emery, I was working right up until my contractions were under a minute apart.
[PANTING.]
And if you have a dinner party you can extend it [HUFFING.]
With the built-in table leaf.
Uh, oh, we'll take it! Just please go to the hospital.
Of course you'll need chairs to go with it! I appreciate the invite, but I'm just too busy.
I have to come up with a treatment for my follow-up book.
I have to think of talking points for the book tour.
But first, I need to solicit praise quotes for the book cover.
The publishers have already reached out to Dean Koontz and Kenny Rogers, but I have my sights set on the king Stephen King.
- Wow.
You do have a lot going on.
- Yes.
Ah, but remember, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
" Is that some sort of a joke? That's a line from "The Shining.
" The movie, not the book.
That's Kubrick Kubricking all over the work of a genius.
See, this is the kind of junk I need to get ahead of.
S04E19 King in the North Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat All right, Koontz, lay it on me.
"Jessica Huang's debut book shows a lot of promise in this cover-to-cover mystery.
" Meh.
The new restaurant sign has arrived! Now that I've regained full ownership, I'm putting my name out front "Louis Huang's Cattleman's Ranch Steakhouse.
" [CHUCKLES.]
I can't wait to see her all lit up, especially since Emery designed it.
EMERY: Sorry for all the shaky lines.
It's hard to draw at night when the occupant of the bottom bunk shakes the bed laughing at joke books.
Well, at least your hand doesn't get stepped on when the occupant of the top bunk jumps down for a middle-of-the-night pee! [SCOFFS.]
You're messing up my filing system! Oh, my God.
It's a letter from Bangor, Maine! Stephen King wrote me! "Dear Jessica, thanks for sharing your book.
Unfortunately, I don't comment on other authors' works.
Happy scribbling, Stephen King.
" [SIGHS.]
GRANDMA: Ai-yah! Spring dance tickets.
Love is in the air.
No way.
Dress up the gym however you want, it's still extra school.
I see.
Noted.
Planted in the curls.
I think it would be fun to go.
Nice to have someone to dance with other than my mom.
It's too late.
At this point, we would have to scramble to find dates.
Let's go as a group! It's crazy that we're all single at the same time.
You've always been single.
Your whole time.
I'm down to go as a group.
If it's cool, cool.
If it sucks, it's still cool because we're cool.
Okay.
What are we gonna wear? We should pick a theme, like Camelot.
Or "Dusk till Dawn.
" Why do you like that movie so much? You're right.
It's just George Clooney fighting vampires.
Who would love that? What if we wear the blue and orange tuxedos from "Dumb and Dumber"? And the winner is Nicole's idea! Of course that's what we should wear.
- 100% - Totally.
That was Clooney? Thanks for coming to what I hope is an illuminating experience.
Louis, sorry I will miss your sign party.
I decided to go on that trip with Honey after all.
Oh, thank God.
[CHUCKLES.]
Now I can just wing it knowing you won't be yelling "Talk faster!" in the middle of my speech.
Everybody's bored! Remember that, since I won't be there to tell you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ma, you want to go check out the new sign? If it's not crowded, you could do wheelies in the parking lot.
What? You're moving out? I'm so happy you changed your mind.
And getting away from the book will be healthy for you, too.
- I promise.
- Hey, can you lean back a little bit? I'm tracking a shifty-looking Taurus in the side-view.
Oops! Oh, you accidentally got on 95 North.
We need South for Key West.
It wasn't an accident.
We're taking a quick detour to Maine.
I just got to get that quote from Stephen King first.
Uhp, you're leaning forward again.
[MUMBLES.]
Maine? The big hat on top of our country? That's 11 states away! I felt bad about Stephen King's letter until I remembered reading that his agent screens his mail.
Stephen never even saw my manuscript.
If I can hand him a copy myself, I know he'll read it, love it, and write a glowing quote.
Jessica, this is supposed to be my chance to get away and relax.
I packed for the beach.
Maine has beaches.
They just have more rocks and family secrets.
[SCOFFS.]
Look, just because it's a different destination doesn't mean we can't still have a fun and relaxing time.
I have always wanted to see New England.
I've never seen a craggy coastline in person.
You know what? Let's go to Maine! Yes! [LAUGHS.]
Don't get mad, but I invited somebody else along.
Miss Amy Grant.
Every heartbeat bears your name Yes.
Loud and clear, they [CELLPHONE RINGS.]
[RINGING.]
JESSICA: Leave a message.
[ BEEP.]
[SCOFFS.]
Hey, Jessica, it's me.
You're not gonna believe this.
My mom wants to move out.
Call me back.
Your mother's moving out? Aw, I can't imagine what that's like.
That's because I don't deal in hypotheticals.
I mean, I'm a realist.
In our culture, you never leave your family.
You get old, you move in with your kids, and you sweep their driveway until you die.
She doesn't really want to move out.
She just wants to feel appreciated.
A beautiful bird like that sitting around all day alone? Classic cry for attention.
Heck, Amy here threatens to run off with Max's karate sensei twice a month.
It's just a little skit we do when I forget to wash the dishes.
[LAUGHS.]
It's just a little skit.
[LAUGHS.]
[EVAN LAUGHING.]
Oh-ho-oh, goodness.
Evan, I'm moving out.
Grandma leaving means her room's in play, so I'm gonna take it.
What? Why? Remember in "An American Tail" when Fievel the mouse leaves Ukraine for America after hearing that there are no cats and the streets are paved with cheese? That's what Grandma's room means to me Opportunity.
We're not sharing a room anymore? It's time, Evan.
I mean, how long did you think this was gonna last? ["HAIL TO THE CHIEF" PLAYS.]
Uh, vetoed.
Get me the vice president! Yes, Dr.
President? Never gets old! [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Hello, First Lady Kristi Yamaguchi-Huang.
Husband, what do you feel like tonight? A '52 Fontaine Laroche or a 1998 Red Antler Cabernet? Well, who's coming to dinner? Your brother, Eddie.
BOTH: The Red Antler Cabernet.
[CHUCKLES.]
You really think you're gonna marry Kristi Yamaguchi? Well, yeah, after I play the field a little first.
I'll tell you what I'm not gonna miss That cocky attitude of yours.
Well, if you're so anxious to leave, why don't you grab your things and get out of my room? Enjoy smelling like a lady, because Grandma's perfume is never coming out of those walls! Welcome to Maine.
[SIGHS.]
It's freezing.
I'm glad I got this sweatshirt at a rest stop.
Okay, let's go.
I heard Stephen King is a regular at the local diner.
We'll wait for him there, and I'll give him my book.
But we just got here.
Irma's on her way up to show us which room the old ship captain haunts! [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
Did you see this? The PTA issued a new dress code for the dance.
"Boys must wear jackets and ties.
Girls must wear dresses or skirts.
" So, Alison and I can't wear tuxedos? Someone must've heard about our plan and tipped off the PTA.
Me and Nicole can just wear orange and blue dresses.
I'll take blue, so you're orange, right? Say it.
Say you're orange.
The school can't tell me what to wear.
What's the big deal? Just wear a skirt.
You wear them all the time.
Yeah, when I want to, not because the PTA can't handle a chick in a suit.
They expect everyone to look and act a certain way.
There's a term for that, you know? No, I don't know.
What is it? "Gender conformity.
" That's what Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers calls it.
- Flea? - No.
Not Flea.
Anthony Kiedis.
I thought that was Flea's real name.
Look, it's not about dresses and suits.
What they're really trying to say is that girls need to like boys and boys need to like girls.
They want to make us all the same, but some of us aren't.
Brava.
I agree.
She should be able to wear whatever orange clothes she wants.
LOUIS: Hello, Mother.
Beer? So, I've been thinking.
As a cherished elder, you deserve more around here.
So, I got you this.
[CHUCKLES.]
No more fumbling to dial QVC late at night.
I even put a satellite dish on the roof so you can get all your favorite British soap operas.
Called "Hope.
" Well, my father wishes me to go back to London on the next train.
You still wanna move out? But you can't manage on your own.
I would like a copy of my receipt.
Hmm? Keep your eyes peeled.
Stephen can assume many different looks.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
Go for Jessica.
Hey.
Did you get my message? Uh yes, yes.
- Go ahead and buy it.
- What? I'm sorry, I remember, but remind me - What was the message? - Mom threw me a real curveball.
Stephen King.
He eats here all the time.
Louis, I'll call you back.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
When will Stephen be in? Not today, on account of the Boston Red Sox.
He never misses a game.
It's freezing.
Ugh, that woman has her hands in her mouth for warmth.
Hey! Hey, you're not Stephen King! The usher said these are his seats.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I-I'm his plumber, Martin.
He gave me his tickets 'cause he never goes to a game on the anniversary of his cat's death.
[SIGHS.]
Smucky.
Stephen King visits this pet cemetery every year on the anniversary of Smucky's death.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
[SCOFFS.]
Not now, Louis.
Have some respect for the dead.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
I think I found Smucky.
Stephen's not here.
Oh, Jessica, come on.
It's freezing.
Can't we just go to his house? I'm not gonna go to his home! I'm not a crazy person! [SIGHS.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS.]
Why is it so hot in here? Hey, Evan.
[INTRO TO "SOMEWHERE OUT THERE" PLAYS.]
Somewhere out there Beneath the pale moonlight Someone's thinking of me And loving me tonight And even though I know how very far apart we are It helps to think we might be wishing On the same bright star And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby TOGETHER: It helps to think we're sleeping Underneath the same big sky [DEEP VOICE.]
Uh, hey.
It's past your bedtime, boys.
[DEEP VOICE.]
Uh, just getting some fresh air.
[DEEP VOICE.]
Checking on Mommy's snapdragons.
You were right.
The school can't tell us what to wear.
You're going to the dance.
Eddie, they obviously don't want me there.
It's easier for everyone if I just don't go.
Yeah, that's why you have to go.
I know what it's like to be treated differently because you're not the same as everyone else.
It sucks.
But if we don't take a stand, then we are the same as everyone else.
I can't believe you shaved your legs.
[CHUCKLES.]
If I'm gonna show 'em, I'm gonna show 'em, you know? I'll cut through the air when I spin, like a dolphin.
[CHUCKLES.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
Irma told me about a St.
Bernard rescue a town over.
Stephen King might be there reliving the success of "Cujo.
" - Let's go! - No! No! I haven't had 10 minutes to relax this entire trip! I want to sit in a warm bath and rest.
[SIGHS.]
Maybe you should You should take a break, too.
You can call Louis back and [GRUNTS.]
Honey, what's wrong? [PANTING.]
I think I think I'm having contractions.
Don't worry.
You weren't in labor.
You had what are called Braxton Hicks contractions.
Like a little practice run before the big show.
You and baby are perfectly fine.
Oh, thank God.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
I would've felt so guilty if your baby had been born a citizen of Maine.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm happy you're okay Both of you.
Why don't we go get you those blueberry pancakes? I feel bad I made you miss them earlier.
Thanks, Jessica.
I'd like that.
Good.
We can order them to go and you can eat them in the car on the way to the St.
Bernard rescue.
Great.
That sounds good.
Honey? [DOORKNOB RATTLES.]
I think you accidentally locked the door.
[OUTKAST'S "ATLIENS" PLAYS.]
Well it's the M-I crooked letter, ain't no one better And when I'm on the microphone, you best to wear your sweater 'Cause I'm cooler than a polar bear's toenails Whoa! Look at you two.
What about the dress code? We know it's gonna be a thing, so if you guys wanna go in without us, you can.
We don't want to mess up your night.
We said we were gonna go as a group let's go as a group.
Not to take away from the moment, but, Nicole, you did say you were gonna wear orange.
You guy You guys heard her, right? Guys, come on.
If you want to go in, you're gonna have to switch bottoms.
We're not changing.
You can't tell us what to wear.
You either let all of us in, or none of us.
Okay, great.
Then none of you come in.
Next! It's cool.
We don't need a high-school dance to have a good time.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING FROM CAR.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, are you the ones who got kicked out 'cause of your outfits? Uh, yeah.
We're not down with gender conformity.
Like Anthony Kiedis.
I don't know who that is, but everybody's talking about you inside.
See you around.
By the way I think you look great in a suit.
And you look great in a skirt.
It's just like an open short! You too! "You too"? Why'd you let me say "open short"?! We didn't even get their names.
[SIGHS.]
We're so bad at this.
[SIGHS.]
That was really tough to watch.
I guess that's why we're all single.
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
JESSICA: Hello.
This is your doctor.
I have your medicine.
[SIGHS.]
[LOCK DISENGAGES.]
It was me.
I know.
You promised me a relaxing trip.
We've driven 2,100 miles chasing Stephen King for a quote he probably won't give you.
It's called "dedication.
" Stephen gets it.
That's what "The Shining" is all about.
Jack Torrance wouldn't let anything get in the way of his writing.
That's why he's a hero.
He was a maniacal alcoholic who lost his mind and tried to bludgeon his family with an axe.
Mallet.
In the book, it was a mallet! You have been so obsessed with getting this quote you barely even stopped when I went into false labor.
And you told Louis you were gonna call him back and you never did.
Do you even know what's going on with him? "The Shining" is about not letting one thing consume you.
For Jack, it was alcohol.
For you, it's the book.
I know how important this is to you, but you have to make time for other important things in your life.
Hey, there! [BOTH SCREAM.]
Stay away from her baby, demon! Whoa, sorry.
I-I visit kids on the pediatric floor, and I take naps in the beds between rounds.
Kind of got trapped in here when you guys came in.
Oh, congrats, by the way, on your Uh, thanks? I heard you mention Stephen King.
I see him all the time.
My friends say he based a character on me, but I don't read any of his books.
Too scary.
You see Stephen King all the time? I'm gonna see him tonight at our bowling league.
You know his ball has a skull on it? If you ask me, it's a little bit on the [NOSE HONKS.]
Anyway, you guys should come by, if you like.
Sorry, clown, I can't.
I have to go home to see my family.
Okay.
How much of my exam did you Enough.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
How's the new room? It's good.
It's good.
It's a little hot, but good.
- How's the old place? - Good.
Good.
I moved the toy chest over to the back corner.
Oh.
You always wanted to try that.
I did.
Yeah.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hmm.
I'm home, everybody! LOUIS: Hey! You never called me back! I called so many times.
Did you get my voicemails? I did.
I am sorry.
I should've called you back.
I am done chasing Stephen King.
I won't be so laser-focused on one thing at a time.
From now on, I will be laser-focused on everything all the time.
Jenny.
Don't go.
Louis wants you to stay.
We all do.
You're part of the family.
I know you want your own space, so what if we turn the garage into an apartment? Sure.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, this is gonna be great, Mom.
I thought maybe we could turn her room into my office.
It would help me separate work from family.
If you take Grandma's room, then I'd have to move back in with Evan! Thank the Maker! [CHUCKLES.]
Happy to have you back.
It's good to be back.
Moms, welcome home! I wanna hear all about your trip, but I gotta return the skirt I wore to the dance and then go through the yearbook with Nicole to find out who those bisexual parking-lot sirens were.
This! This is what you use the cellphone for.
Me as something more than that.
He wants to marry me.
Oh-ho-ho, no.
He's not marrying you.
Bangor.
Maine.
Stephen King finally wrote me praise for "A Case of a Knife to the Brain"! This is what persistence and dedication can do for you, boys.
Learn from this.
"Dear Jessica Huang, this is a restraining order issued to protect Stephen King pursuant to stalking him at his local diner, harassing his plumber, and desecrating his deceased cat's grave.
Plaintiff Stephen King claims, quote 'Jessica Huang is scarier than any character I could ever write myself.
'" I knew Stephen would come through.
[CHUCKLES.]
Look at us.
We made it.
Moved here with nothing but a dream.
Now we own our home, both our names are displayed on public signs, and our boys have blossomed into Already too long!