Gintama (2005) s04e19 Episode Script
The Chosen Idiots
["The Chosen Idiots".]
[Note: Parody of Dragon Quest IV Ch.
5 title "The Chosen.
".]
That's Lady Tama's main system.
It's already been taken over by the viruses and converted into their stronghold.
The brains behind the Tapir and their extensive invasion dwell inside-the Archfiend Tapir.
The progenitor of all the Tapir spreading throughout Lady Tama's body.
The king of the Tapir.
We won't be able to stop the Tapir invasion unless we destroy him.
To return peace to this world To save Lady Tama We must defeat him.
The Archfiend Tapir is like the main system for the Tapir.
Destroying him should render the Tapir powerless.
The problem is how we're going to reach the Archfiend Tapir.
As you would expect of the enemy's main base Black bodysuits everywhere you look.
And they all look stronger than the ones we've fought before.
This is the Archfiend Tapir's territory.
The place is swarming with the latest viruses created by the Archfiend Tapir.
They won't be easy to defeat like before.
We'll need to come up with a plan.
Come on now.
Give me a break.
Why slow down after coming this far? Those new viruses are just pseudo DQ characters that spawned from the virus eating her DQ-crazed brain.
Like this guy.
We don't need a plan to deal with these freaks.
Just go on a rampage.
Wait! Only the most foolish of fools would suggest "rampaging" straight into the Archfiend Tapir's stronghold! A party with you as its leader would run out of MP before reaching the Archfiend and be forced to jot down a long resurrection spell to even make it halfway there.
[Note: Parody of Dragon Quest III.
.]
What an idiot.
The party would be wiped out if we followed your orders! I am the hero who will save Lady Tama.
A Jester like you should go goof off in Luida's bar! [Note: Parody of Jester class and Luida character from Dragon Quest III.
.]
Who are you calling a Jester, damn it?! Sure, I might goof off! But the son of Bianca and I will become the Heavenly Hero! [Note: Parody of "Dragon Quest V: Hand of the Heavenly Bride.
" Bianca is one of two women whom the player can choose for the hero to marry.
.]
So I'm no ordinary Jester! I'm the Heavenly Jester! It would be best to avoid combat before we reach the Archfiend and conserve our health.
Use herbs to heal.
Hey! You listening to me, cosplay freak?! We'll go with a "no magic" tactic.
Uh, we don't have any magic to begin with.
How can we defeat the Archfiend with such a conservative tactic? Are you an idiot? A stingy party led by you would carry so many herbs you wouldn't be able to open any treasure chests and get wiped out with full MP before you even reach the Archfiend.
We should all use "Firevolt" except for Kiryl.
[Note: Firevolt is a powerful spell.
Kiryl is a priest from Dragon Quest IV.
.]
I've never heard of that tactic! Who's Kiryl?! Kiryl is the Shinpachi-like character that stupidly casts Defeat [Note: The Defeat spell one-hit kills enemies.
Useless on bosses.
Kiryl (aka Cristo) tried this spell on Archfiend in Dragon Quest IV.
.]
on the Archfiend if you leave him to his own devices.
It's better to keep him silenced.
Are you trying to say I'm useless? You don't even know how to use Kiryl properly? Laughable.
It appears that you are unqualified to lead this party.
Shut up.
You wanna live on a cart with Kiryl, Borya, and Torneko? Wanna live a gloomy life badmouthing the best members behind their backs? There they go again.
The two of them are hopeless.
Tama, do something.
Understood.
Then we'll compromise and go with "Keep everyone except Kiryl healed up.
" You want Kiryl to die?! Was that directed at me?! Am I that useless?! Whatever then.
We'll go with that.
Firevolt Kiryl.
Why are you being mean to Kiryl?! You're attacking Kiryl now!! Whatever then.
I'll settle for "no Kiryl.
" You think Kiryl's a nuisance, too?! This will never end if we leave it to the stupid heroes.
I'll go draw them out.
The rest of you head for the castle.
Kagura-chan! She's the real hero here! That was damn ballsy! Way cooler than some other people I know! Stop wasting time! This is our only chance! Let's go! Wait! The lead position is reserved for the hero! I am the hero who will save Lady Tama! What do you think you're doing, Mr.
Cosplay Hero? The party will be wiped out with a psycho like you in the lead! I'll do it! A Jester should be getting a puff-puff in Ashalam! [Note: In Dragon Quest III a woman in Ashalam town gives a "Puff-puff" (wiggles her boobs) service.
.]
I am the leader of this party! Don't mess with me! Loto, the hero, should get lost! [Note: Main character from the first three Dragon Quest games.
.]
This is the age of the Heavenly Hero! [Note: Main character for Dragon Quest IV, V and VI.
.]
Hey! What are the two of you doing?! We don't have time for this! Did you just cast Defeat?! You just cast Defeat, didn't you?! Hey! What's wrong with the two of them? They have the exact same face yet they can't get along at all.
Tama-san, was that person really based on Gin-san? They hate each other's guts.
Forget about being the strongest combo! They're the worst possible combo! While cake and ramen both taste good, combining them into cake ramen will ruin the dish, leaving you with something that tastes absolutely horrible.
I may have made a terrible miscalculation.
That's a fatal error! You brought the two of them together without even thinking it through?! Crap! The enemy spotted us! Quick! Run away! Gin-san! Leukocyte King! Do not touch me with your virus-infested hands! [Domestos.]
[Note: A toilet-bowl cleanser.
.]
Domestos! Is that all a hero can do? Forget Kandar [Note: Boss from Dragon Quest III.
.]
You can't even defeat a single slime.
[Note: Slime is the weakest monster in Dragon Quest.
.]
Now it's my turn! Take this! [Magiclean.]
[Note: A line of all-purpose cleaning products.
.]
Magiclean! Is that all you're capable of? Forget slimes Your mother will come to wake you up in the morning, and you'll already be a corpse.
Behold the power of the hero! [Ariel.]
[Note: A laundry detergent.
.]
Can't touch me! [Charmy Green.]
[Note: A dishwashing detergent.
.]
Not yet [Febreze.]
[Note: An odor eliminator.
.]
Not yet! What?! [Family Fresh.]
[Note: A dishwashing detergent.
.]
What are you trying to hit?! [Dove.]
[Note: Refers to Dove brand soap.
.]
Now for the finish! [Mama Lemon.]
[Note: A dishwashing detergent.
.]
What are they doing?! This is crazy! No, look.
The army of viruses are being wiped out by their fighting.
I didn't make a mistake.
Those two are the strongest That's Their attacks are melding This is That light is [Kamikaze.]
["Super explosion caused by a mixture of light and dark power.
Burn away the enemy, your own party and everything.
It's very dangerous so please don't aim at people.
Only use this in wide open spaces.
Do Not Eat.
".]
[Note: Parody of warning labels.
.]
Hey now.
Are those guys okay? Who's the strongest duo again? Those two are obviously not meant to be mixed together.
[Note: Parody of warning label on detergents.
.]
It was a mistake to pair them together.
You know how they say you'll die if you run into your doppelganger.
At this rate, they'll get the rest of us killed.
But they were able to do significant damage to the virus army and we have managed to infiltrate the castle.
It's as I planned.
Liar! This is like reaching the boss with your HP and MP in single digits! The window is all red! What are we supposed to do?! Don't worry.
Many of the recent final bosses, right before the final battle Show me everything you've got.
I'll kill you slowly.
say stuff like that.
Often restoring all your HP and MP.
We'll count on that.
Why are you depending on the final boss?! Just to be clear, this isn't a game.
There aren't any save points or resurrection spells.
Die once and it's over.
Could you please stop fighting? This isn't the time to be hurting one another.
Are you scared of dying? Go ahead and turn tail and go home.
As I said in the beginning, I can handle this myself.
Hey! Why do you have to be so abrasive? Gin-chan and you No, we're all the same.
It isn't just your appearance.
All of us have been protecting Tama on the outside and the inside.
Why do you refuse to cooperate? Don't you care if Tama breaks down?! That's why I'm telling you to leave! You all came here to save Lady Tama.
I know you all care deeply for Lady Tama.
But because you feel that way Because you are willing to risk your lives for a robot, it means there are also other things you strive to protect.
Things and people on the outside I'm different.
I was made for the sole purpose of protecting Lady Tama.
I live to protect Lady Tama.
I don't care about what happens to anyone besides Lady Tama.
I have no interest in anyone but Lady Tama.
Looks like you're interested in something else besides Lady Tama! Why are you getting greedy and falling for such a cheap booby trap? D-Do you understand now? I'll have no trouble protecting Lady Tama by myself.
It sure doesn't look that way.
You look hopelessly unreliable! Idiot! I-I've been through more ordeals than the lot of you.
Your whole life must have been an ordeal.
It doesn't matter how many lives you have if you keep falling for these cheap traps.
Leave if you understand! Uh, then let go of me.
You've got one heck of an iron grip.
Leave after you've dealt with this! Damn nuisances! I am the only hero needed to protect Lady Tama! Isn't he just like you? He has difficulty expressing himself He's antagonistic He's all based on you.
You see me as such a shameless person? As I observed you and collected data, he evolved into someone more human than I was.
That is why I could not stand by and watch him die alone.
You should be able to understand Why he keeps telling you to leave so he can go alone Why he acts so hostile Did you bring the two of us together so Hey! Your body's It appears that the Tapir have reached the backup system that created this copy There is no time Will you listen to my final request? It will probably be impossible to recover my system The Tapir are already deep inside At this rate he won't be able to survive Forget about me At least try to free him from this place My frd who has protected me for so long Protect my othr friend Tama Sorry, but I can't honor your request.
If he really is my clone, he would never want that.
And I won't let anybody die.
Not your friends and not mine.
Listen up! Do not let a single rat into the throne room! The system of this world will soon fall into our Tapir hands! Until then, we must protect the Archfiend Tapir! Victory is within sight! Now go forth! Wh-What?! That wasn't what I meant when I said "go"! I didn't mean for you to go and die! Hey! Come back, guys! Yo.
I've always wanted to ask something.
How does the Archfiend feel when a level 99 Hero comes for him? Does he feel like turning tail and running? Or does he try leveling himself up? If that's the case, I would recommend the Capillary Caves to the west.
There's a high chance you'll run into Liquid Metal Slimes viruses.
[Note: A Dragon Quest monster.
.]
In the end, it doesn't matter how many levels you gain.
'Cause when you multiply 99 by Except I'm level 100.
I'm actually level 101.
No, I'm actually level 103.
This world has already fallen under the absolute control of the Tapir.
You cannot change anything.
It's all over.
Can you not comprehend that? It's not over.
One last security measure remains.
As long as I, the Leukocyte King, am still here, this world will continue to exist after all the systems have been knocked out! I will protect Lady Tama! You truly believe you can defeat me and save this world? Leukocyte King No matter how many heroes you bring from other worlds, you are powerless against me.
I guarantee it.
You cannot defeat me.
You cannot even harm me, let alone defeat me! Because you have fought to protect this world for so long Because you love this world more than anyone else You cannot defeat me.
Th-That's I-Impossible It's Lady Tama! Wh-Wh- What the?! Why is Tama-san here?! Why is Tama-san the Archfiend?! D-Damn you! You've assumed Lady Tama's appearance to confuse me! I won't fall for such a cheap trick! Leukocyte King! I-I can't control my body I can't get near him As I said The systems of this world are under our control.
This is no disguise.
This is my true form.
This body now belongs to me.
You are trying to fight against the person you have been protecting.
As one who was created to protect this world, you cannot defy me.
So my body recognizes you as Lady Tama and refuses to attack? Impossible How could this? As I said, it's all over.
Defeating me will destroy this world.
There is nothing left for you to protect.
Will you still try to defeat me? Will you still try to destroy the virus even if it means destroying this body? Can you kill Tama? Firebane!! [Note: A spell from Dragon Quest.
.]
[To Be Continued.]
[Preview.]
We are left with no options as we face the overwhelming power of the Archfiend Tapir Our last hope lies in those two! The next episode "Tama Quest IV: And Into the Legend" [Note: Parody of Dragon Quest III subtitle.
.]
Uh, that's DQ III's subtitle.
[Tama Quest comes to its conclusion next week!.]
[The power of the Archfiend Tapir sends everyone back to dots.
.]
[See you next time.
.]
[Note: Parody of Dragon Quest IV Ch.
5 title "The Chosen.
".]
That's Lady Tama's main system.
It's already been taken over by the viruses and converted into their stronghold.
The brains behind the Tapir and their extensive invasion dwell inside-the Archfiend Tapir.
The progenitor of all the Tapir spreading throughout Lady Tama's body.
The king of the Tapir.
We won't be able to stop the Tapir invasion unless we destroy him.
To return peace to this world To save Lady Tama We must defeat him.
The Archfiend Tapir is like the main system for the Tapir.
Destroying him should render the Tapir powerless.
The problem is how we're going to reach the Archfiend Tapir.
As you would expect of the enemy's main base Black bodysuits everywhere you look.
And they all look stronger than the ones we've fought before.
This is the Archfiend Tapir's territory.
The place is swarming with the latest viruses created by the Archfiend Tapir.
They won't be easy to defeat like before.
We'll need to come up with a plan.
Come on now.
Give me a break.
Why slow down after coming this far? Those new viruses are just pseudo DQ characters that spawned from the virus eating her DQ-crazed brain.
Like this guy.
We don't need a plan to deal with these freaks.
Just go on a rampage.
Wait! Only the most foolish of fools would suggest "rampaging" straight into the Archfiend Tapir's stronghold! A party with you as its leader would run out of MP before reaching the Archfiend and be forced to jot down a long resurrection spell to even make it halfway there.
[Note: Parody of Dragon Quest III.
.]
What an idiot.
The party would be wiped out if we followed your orders! I am the hero who will save Lady Tama.
A Jester like you should go goof off in Luida's bar! [Note: Parody of Jester class and Luida character from Dragon Quest III.
.]
Who are you calling a Jester, damn it?! Sure, I might goof off! But the son of Bianca and I will become the Heavenly Hero! [Note: Parody of "Dragon Quest V: Hand of the Heavenly Bride.
" Bianca is one of two women whom the player can choose for the hero to marry.
.]
So I'm no ordinary Jester! I'm the Heavenly Jester! It would be best to avoid combat before we reach the Archfiend and conserve our health.
Use herbs to heal.
Hey! You listening to me, cosplay freak?! We'll go with a "no magic" tactic.
Uh, we don't have any magic to begin with.
How can we defeat the Archfiend with such a conservative tactic? Are you an idiot? A stingy party led by you would carry so many herbs you wouldn't be able to open any treasure chests and get wiped out with full MP before you even reach the Archfiend.
We should all use "Firevolt" except for Kiryl.
[Note: Firevolt is a powerful spell.
Kiryl is a priest from Dragon Quest IV.
.]
I've never heard of that tactic! Who's Kiryl?! Kiryl is the Shinpachi-like character that stupidly casts Defeat [Note: The Defeat spell one-hit kills enemies.
Useless on bosses.
Kiryl (aka Cristo) tried this spell on Archfiend in Dragon Quest IV.
.]
on the Archfiend if you leave him to his own devices.
It's better to keep him silenced.
Are you trying to say I'm useless? You don't even know how to use Kiryl properly? Laughable.
It appears that you are unqualified to lead this party.
Shut up.
You wanna live on a cart with Kiryl, Borya, and Torneko? Wanna live a gloomy life badmouthing the best members behind their backs? There they go again.
The two of them are hopeless.
Tama, do something.
Understood.
Then we'll compromise and go with "Keep everyone except Kiryl healed up.
" You want Kiryl to die?! Was that directed at me?! Am I that useless?! Whatever then.
We'll go with that.
Firevolt Kiryl.
Why are you being mean to Kiryl?! You're attacking Kiryl now!! Whatever then.
I'll settle for "no Kiryl.
" You think Kiryl's a nuisance, too?! This will never end if we leave it to the stupid heroes.
I'll go draw them out.
The rest of you head for the castle.
Kagura-chan! She's the real hero here! That was damn ballsy! Way cooler than some other people I know! Stop wasting time! This is our only chance! Let's go! Wait! The lead position is reserved for the hero! I am the hero who will save Lady Tama! What do you think you're doing, Mr.
Cosplay Hero? The party will be wiped out with a psycho like you in the lead! I'll do it! A Jester should be getting a puff-puff in Ashalam! [Note: In Dragon Quest III a woman in Ashalam town gives a "Puff-puff" (wiggles her boobs) service.
.]
I am the leader of this party! Don't mess with me! Loto, the hero, should get lost! [Note: Main character from the first three Dragon Quest games.
.]
This is the age of the Heavenly Hero! [Note: Main character for Dragon Quest IV, V and VI.
.]
Hey! What are the two of you doing?! We don't have time for this! Did you just cast Defeat?! You just cast Defeat, didn't you?! Hey! What's wrong with the two of them? They have the exact same face yet they can't get along at all.
Tama-san, was that person really based on Gin-san? They hate each other's guts.
Forget about being the strongest combo! They're the worst possible combo! While cake and ramen both taste good, combining them into cake ramen will ruin the dish, leaving you with something that tastes absolutely horrible.
I may have made a terrible miscalculation.
That's a fatal error! You brought the two of them together without even thinking it through?! Crap! The enemy spotted us! Quick! Run away! Gin-san! Leukocyte King! Do not touch me with your virus-infested hands! [Domestos.]
[Note: A toilet-bowl cleanser.
.]
Domestos! Is that all a hero can do? Forget Kandar [Note: Boss from Dragon Quest III.
.]
You can't even defeat a single slime.
[Note: Slime is the weakest monster in Dragon Quest.
.]
Now it's my turn! Take this! [Magiclean.]
[Note: A line of all-purpose cleaning products.
.]
Magiclean! Is that all you're capable of? Forget slimes Your mother will come to wake you up in the morning, and you'll already be a corpse.
Behold the power of the hero! [Ariel.]
[Note: A laundry detergent.
.]
Can't touch me! [Charmy Green.]
[Note: A dishwashing detergent.
.]
Not yet [Febreze.]
[Note: An odor eliminator.
.]
Not yet! What?! [Family Fresh.]
[Note: A dishwashing detergent.
.]
What are you trying to hit?! [Dove.]
[Note: Refers to Dove brand soap.
.]
Now for the finish! [Mama Lemon.]
[Note: A dishwashing detergent.
.]
What are they doing?! This is crazy! No, look.
The army of viruses are being wiped out by their fighting.
I didn't make a mistake.
Those two are the strongest That's Their attacks are melding This is That light is [Kamikaze.]
["Super explosion caused by a mixture of light and dark power.
Burn away the enemy, your own party and everything.
It's very dangerous so please don't aim at people.
Only use this in wide open spaces.
Do Not Eat.
".]
[Note: Parody of warning labels.
.]
Hey now.
Are those guys okay? Who's the strongest duo again? Those two are obviously not meant to be mixed together.
[Note: Parody of warning label on detergents.
.]
It was a mistake to pair them together.
You know how they say you'll die if you run into your doppelganger.
At this rate, they'll get the rest of us killed.
But they were able to do significant damage to the virus army and we have managed to infiltrate the castle.
It's as I planned.
Liar! This is like reaching the boss with your HP and MP in single digits! The window is all red! What are we supposed to do?! Don't worry.
Many of the recent final bosses, right before the final battle Show me everything you've got.
I'll kill you slowly.
say stuff like that.
Often restoring all your HP and MP.
We'll count on that.
Why are you depending on the final boss?! Just to be clear, this isn't a game.
There aren't any save points or resurrection spells.
Die once and it's over.
Could you please stop fighting? This isn't the time to be hurting one another.
Are you scared of dying? Go ahead and turn tail and go home.
As I said in the beginning, I can handle this myself.
Hey! Why do you have to be so abrasive? Gin-chan and you No, we're all the same.
It isn't just your appearance.
All of us have been protecting Tama on the outside and the inside.
Why do you refuse to cooperate? Don't you care if Tama breaks down?! That's why I'm telling you to leave! You all came here to save Lady Tama.
I know you all care deeply for Lady Tama.
But because you feel that way Because you are willing to risk your lives for a robot, it means there are also other things you strive to protect.
Things and people on the outside I'm different.
I was made for the sole purpose of protecting Lady Tama.
I live to protect Lady Tama.
I don't care about what happens to anyone besides Lady Tama.
I have no interest in anyone but Lady Tama.
Looks like you're interested in something else besides Lady Tama! Why are you getting greedy and falling for such a cheap booby trap? D-Do you understand now? I'll have no trouble protecting Lady Tama by myself.
It sure doesn't look that way.
You look hopelessly unreliable! Idiot! I-I've been through more ordeals than the lot of you.
Your whole life must have been an ordeal.
It doesn't matter how many lives you have if you keep falling for these cheap traps.
Leave if you understand! Uh, then let go of me.
You've got one heck of an iron grip.
Leave after you've dealt with this! Damn nuisances! I am the only hero needed to protect Lady Tama! Isn't he just like you? He has difficulty expressing himself He's antagonistic He's all based on you.
You see me as such a shameless person? As I observed you and collected data, he evolved into someone more human than I was.
That is why I could not stand by and watch him die alone.
You should be able to understand Why he keeps telling you to leave so he can go alone Why he acts so hostile Did you bring the two of us together so Hey! Your body's It appears that the Tapir have reached the backup system that created this copy There is no time Will you listen to my final request? It will probably be impossible to recover my system The Tapir are already deep inside At this rate he won't be able to survive Forget about me At least try to free him from this place My frd who has protected me for so long Protect my othr friend Tama Sorry, but I can't honor your request.
If he really is my clone, he would never want that.
And I won't let anybody die.
Not your friends and not mine.
Listen up! Do not let a single rat into the throne room! The system of this world will soon fall into our Tapir hands! Until then, we must protect the Archfiend Tapir! Victory is within sight! Now go forth! Wh-What?! That wasn't what I meant when I said "go"! I didn't mean for you to go and die! Hey! Come back, guys! Yo.
I've always wanted to ask something.
How does the Archfiend feel when a level 99 Hero comes for him? Does he feel like turning tail and running? Or does he try leveling himself up? If that's the case, I would recommend the Capillary Caves to the west.
There's a high chance you'll run into Liquid Metal Slimes viruses.
[Note: A Dragon Quest monster.
.]
In the end, it doesn't matter how many levels you gain.
'Cause when you multiply 99 by Except I'm level 100.
I'm actually level 101.
No, I'm actually level 103.
This world has already fallen under the absolute control of the Tapir.
You cannot change anything.
It's all over.
Can you not comprehend that? It's not over.
One last security measure remains.
As long as I, the Leukocyte King, am still here, this world will continue to exist after all the systems have been knocked out! I will protect Lady Tama! You truly believe you can defeat me and save this world? Leukocyte King No matter how many heroes you bring from other worlds, you are powerless against me.
I guarantee it.
You cannot defeat me.
You cannot even harm me, let alone defeat me! Because you have fought to protect this world for so long Because you love this world more than anyone else You cannot defeat me.
Th-That's I-Impossible It's Lady Tama! Wh-Wh- What the?! Why is Tama-san here?! Why is Tama-san the Archfiend?! D-Damn you! You've assumed Lady Tama's appearance to confuse me! I won't fall for such a cheap trick! Leukocyte King! I-I can't control my body I can't get near him As I said The systems of this world are under our control.
This is no disguise.
This is my true form.
This body now belongs to me.
You are trying to fight against the person you have been protecting.
As one who was created to protect this world, you cannot defy me.
So my body recognizes you as Lady Tama and refuses to attack? Impossible How could this? As I said, it's all over.
Defeating me will destroy this world.
There is nothing left for you to protect.
Will you still try to defeat me? Will you still try to destroy the virus even if it means destroying this body? Can you kill Tama? Firebane!! [Note: A spell from Dragon Quest.
.]
[To Be Continued.]
[Preview.]
We are left with no options as we face the overwhelming power of the Archfiend Tapir Our last hope lies in those two! The next episode "Tama Quest IV: And Into the Legend" [Note: Parody of Dragon Quest III subtitle.
.]
Uh, that's DQ III's subtitle.
[Tama Quest comes to its conclusion next week!.]
[The power of the Archfiend Tapir sends everyone back to dots.
.]
[See you next time.
.]