The Wonder Years s04e19 Episode Script

Any kid who's ever been to junior high school knows one great universal truth.
Image is everything.
Who you are is pretty much who you appear to be.
And who you appear to be is pretty much a matter of hard work and careful planning.
For most kids, anyway.
Meet Peter Armbruster.
Otherwise known as "Pig".
Let's eat! Hey, guys.
- Hey, Peter.
- Hey, Peter.
Not that anyone ever called him "Pig" to his face.
Still Oh my God! He's gonna go for all five! As images go, it wasn't pretty.
Woops - ketchup! Excuse me! Face it.
In the looks-conscious world of ninth-grade There was only one way to sum up a guy like Peter.
Uh-oh.
Ohhhhhhh! He just didn't seem to care.
Then againMoving from the ridiculous to the sublime Meet Brad Patterson and Marci Doran.
RFK's prince and princess of popularity.
They had it all.
The looks, the moves, the clothes.
Even their hair was popular.
Not that we were impressed.
GoshThey are so cool.
Do you think they look like that when they wake up? OK, so Paul was impressed.
But not me.
Not much.
Oh, come on.
What have they got that we don't have? Well, he's the captain of the football teamher dad owns a corporation And they're both running the yearbook this yearand that's just for starters.
You? Paul, they're just people like you and me.
This was true.
They were.
Kinda.
Sorta.
I guess.
And so, the creationOf two great nation-states Germany The epitome of power And Italy Yugoslavia.
Psss.
Do me a favor.
Pass this to Marci, OK? Sure.
That was me.
Note-passer to the gods.
Mr.
Arnold.
Uh Could you repeat the question? I didn't ask one.
Oh.
ButYou might read the contents of that note you're holding.
- This? - Umm-hmmm.
Why don't you stand up, and share it with the rest of us? Uh-oh.
Hmmm.
No help there.
No help there! So I was left with a choice.
I could sink Uh A dozen eggsand a carton of milk And American cheese.
Isthat all? No.
sir.
It also says Pimento loaf.
Or, I could swim.
Class dismissed, Mr.
Arnold.
Guess you could say I swam.
Swimmingly.
Not that it meant all that much to me.
Until that afternoon.
Say, Kev I wanted to say thanks for covering for us in history today.
Oh, it was nothing Listen, we're co-editors if the yearbook.
And we really want this to be the best yearbook RFK's ever seen.
With fun photos, and candid quotes for all the ninth-graders Right, Brad? Anyways, we were thinkin' we could use someone like you to help us out with quotes.
The quotes? Yeah.
You're a pretty funny guy.
I bet you'd be great.
SoYou want to? Well Why not? Super.
Were meeting tonight at my house.
Here's the address.
Seven o'clock.
Seeya.
That night I found myself sitting among the pantheon of the power elite.
Not that I was nervous, or anything.
Not much, anyway.
OK.
First up - Arthur Aaron.
What'd you think, Kev? Here it was.
My cue.
Uh I needed somethingBrilliant.
Something ingenious.
Something inspired.
Uhhmmm Fifteen minutes later I was still looking for inspiration.
You're not saying much tonight, Kevin.
Me? Oh, wellI'm, uh Just getting warmed up.
Sure, that's it.
Give the guy a chance.
I think he's gonna have something really funny for this next one.
You bet.
And suddenly my entire reputation wasWas resting on the next name on that page.
The letters of which would spell out triumph Or doom, or Peter Armbruster.
What do ya say, Kev? There are moments in every great man's life when fate brings him face-to-face with opportunity.
In my case, this would be that moment.
It hit me like a bolt of lightning.
Let's eat! "Let's eat"? "Let's eat".
Man, that's hilarious.
Peter Armbruster - "Let's eat!".
Definitely funny.
Thata wayKev.
And so, with that one simple phrase My reputation soared.
My image was made.
I was in.
For that night, anyway.
The next day, though, in the cold light of dawnThings didn't seem so great.
What's with the threads? Knock it off, Paul! So.
Guess it went pretty well last night, huh? What'd you guys do? Nothing.
Justquotes.
- Hey, guys! - Hi, Peter.
Yow.
The secret of my success, himself.
You guys missed the show! I was crackin' up over there And I laughed so hard, milk came out of my nose! Gee, Peter, that'sgreat! WellSeeya! What is he thinking? I mean, if that poor guy only knew what people said about him behind his back.
Uh-huh.
Or wrote about him in the yearbook.
SoWhat'd you write about me? Huh? My quote.
Come up with something good for me? Oh.
Paul - we only got through the "L's".
Besides, what's it matter? It's just a stupid quote.
You're joking, right? This is the way we're gonna be remembered, Kev.
Forever.
My parents are gonna be reading those quotes.
Paul, enough And my grandchildren.
It wasn't quite the message I wanted to hear.
Hi, guys "Let's eat" You might as well face up to it, Kev.
You're writing history, here.
Which, as it turns out Was exactly what I was afraid of.
Adolescent guilt is an interesting thing.
No matter how hard you try to avoid it, somehow Hey, Kev.
You want to spot for me? You can't.
Well Actually, Peter I called upon the now-legendary Arnold wit to bail me out.
- Sure.
- Great! You wanna go first? Noyou can go ahead.
OK - so I'd spot for the guy.
What's the worstThat could happen? Gosh, manI'm not very good at this.
You're doing fine, Peter.
I don't know.
I guess there are things I'm worse at.
Like dodge-ball.
That was a joke.
You know, mehuh, dodge-ball.
Get it? OhSure.
Ughso how many's that? Uhone, I think.
UhGeez - twenty-four to go.
We won't even get to get to your turn.
Ya knowMy dad says I should get more exercise.
And my momWell, she Look, Peterthis'll go a lot faster if you don't talk, OK? Whatever you say, Kev.
But the worst had happened.
Right before my very eyes Peter Armbruster was turning into A person.
Believe it or not, guys this is it - we're done.
Congratuations all around how right a job By the next nightHistories had been written Etched in stone.
There is a one little problem.
Uh, can I, uhcan I say something? Sure.
Well, uh I was thinking About that quoteFor Peter Armbruster? Peter - heh heh.
"Let's eat!" Well, uhI was thinkingyou knowmaybe we should change it.
After all, these were reasonable folks They'd see the wisdom in that.
Change it to what? Yeah.
"Let's eat" is perfect.
Wait a minute, Jules.
Let's hear 'em out.
Maybe Kevin has something even funnier.
WellActually, I was just trying - But suddenlyI could feel my social barometerDropping.
SoOnce again, I took the cowards way out.
"Oink, oink"? - "Oink, oink" it is - Great.
/ - Perfect! That night I was visited by a horrible dream.
Door, please.
There, there, Mother Armbruster.
There, there.
We had such high hopes for him.
He died of a broken heart.
I can't thank you enough for coming.
We were afraid he had no friends at all.
After thatyearbook thing.
I couldn't carry the weight of my transgression, anymore.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
I was thinkingAbout the yearbook What about it? Well About the quotes.
The Peter Armbruster quote I think we should change it.
It justwouldn't be right.
There - felt better already.
These guy was understand.
- But it's funny.
Right, Brad? - Yeah, definitely.
- Oh, wellyeah, sure it is - Listen, Kev We'd like to helpbut, unfortunately, it's out of our hands Huh? We sent the proofsTo print this morning.
Print? Well, there's gotta be somethin' we can do.
Maybe we should go to Diperna.
I mean, he's the yearbook advisor.
And he's gonna find out sooner or later.
You knowI think he's probably right.
YeahI think he's right, too.
You do? When you're right, you're right.
Tell ya whatWe'll take care of it.
Don't worry about a thing.
Thanks, guys! And with thatMy faith in humanity Had been restored.
- Mr.
Arnold.
Can I speak to you, please.
- Sure.
Well, well - what was this? A personal summons from the vice-principal.
Take a seat, Mr.
Arnold.
Hey, he probably just wanted to thank me for my small role in this whole matter.
Applaud my good judgement.
Did you honestly think you were gonna get away with this prank? Prank? "Oink! Oink!" Uh Did you honestly think that was funny?! WellNo! I mean I guess yakinda had to be there.
But that's - Luckily, not all your fellow students share in your brand of humor, Arnold.
Wait a minute - what was this guy saying? Some of the more conscientiousMembers of the yearbook editorial staff told me you were trying to sneak this quote in.
Brad and Marcy said that? It's not important who said it - the important thing is that you didn't get away with it.
What do you have to say for yourself? WellI But there was really only one thing to say.
I'm sorry.
I was confused, to put it mildly.
- Hey! / - Hi! - Kev-man, what's up? Well, it's justyou guys But wait a second.
Maybe there was an explanation for all this.
A perfectly logical explanation.
What is it, Kev? Well, nothin'.
It's justwell, I was just talkin' to Diperna And, uhhe kind of blew his top about the quote.
You know? But, Iguess it's no big deal.
- Yeah, no biggie.
- Yeah.
Don't give it a second thought.
WellSure.
Except he gave me a week's detention.
Ahsorry about that.
That's too bad, Kevin.
So! When's the next meeting? WellActually, Kev-man Uh, you knowwe thought we'd take it from here.
What? What are you talking about? - Well, the quotes are done.
- You were a big help, though.
Right, Brad? Oh, yeah! You're a pretty funny guy.
Wait a minute! I just took the rap in thereand all you can say is I'm a pretty funny guy? Well, what do you want us to say? Well, how about "thanks a lot".
Is that too much to ask? Kevin.
Think about how you look.
And that's when I realizedThese guys were untouchable.
Like Teflon.
See you in history, tomorrow.
And there you had it.
The final chapter in my short, and not-so-sweet, membership in the upper crust of junior high society.
Hey, Kev! You're blockin' the water fountain.
Sorry.
In a way, I was kinda glad to see the guy.
I could take solace in at least having done right by my fellow man.
Peter Armbruster probably never knew thePotential embarrassment that awaited him.
Somethin' hanging from my nose? Then what? Well I coulda told him what I'd done.
How I'd savedHis reputation.
His future Nothing, Peter.
After allthere was no reason the guy ever had to know.
Better to leave him with his illusions.
Hey, Kevin! Call me "Pig".
Everybody else does! In junior high school ¢Ý I'm different ¢Ý Image is everything.
¢Ý Don't care who knows it ¢Ý A dance with masks.
¢Ý Somethin' about me, not the same ¢Ý A fight to fit in.
¢Ý I'm different ¢Ý Maybe it's a struggle that lasts a lifetime.
¢Ý But that's how it goes I'm not gonna play ¢Ý For most of us, anyway.
¢Ý Your gosh-darned game ¢Ý ¢Ý I'm not saying I'm better than you ¢Ý ¢Ý But maybe I am ¢Ý ¢Ý I only know that when I look in the mirror ¢Ý ¢Ý I like the man ¢Ý ¢Ý We like the man ¢Ý ¢Ý He's different and he don't care who knows it ¢Ý ¢Ý Somethin' about him, not the same ¢Ý ¢Ý He's different and that's how it goes ¢Ý ¢Ý He's not gonna play your gosh-darn game ¢Ý ¢Ý I'm different ¢Ý °¨»çÇÕ´Ï´Ù.
Á¦ÀÛ : iamy1004 (iamy1004@hanmail.
net)