Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s04e20 Episode Script

- Guess who.
|- Give me a hint.
Okay, but no peeking.
- I know you.
|- Yes.
What? I can't believe the first time|I looked into your eyes " I" didn't instantly know you were|the man I'd spend my life with.
- So did you find a movie you wanna see?|- No, actually.
I wasn't able to get past your piece|on the Zarate crime family.
- It's first-rate.
|- Thank you.
Meanwhile, I'm stuck with page-three|novelty robberies.
No, your piece on the museum robbery|was excellent.
A thief who can climb a seven-story|building, enter through a vent and then escape,|without setting off the alarm? - Very good stuff.
|- You think? Absolutely.
Whoever's pulling off this thing|must be as agile as a monkey.
"Seven "stories " Air "vent "|Apparent acrobatic ability.
" Dad.
Dad? I knew it.
Daddy, you promised me.
Didn't we just have this conversation? Well? Call me unreasonable, but I refuse|to discuss this with a primate.
I have half a mind to call the SPCA.
This switching bodies with innocent|animals, it's gotta stop.
You know I can't leave the house|in my own body, kitten.
- There's a price on my head, remember?|- Yes, I remember.
And don't call me kitten.
|It makes me nervous.
How am I supposed to provide for us if I have to stay locked up in here|like some? Some? - Animal?|- I was trying to avoid the irony.
Anyway, I promised your mother,|on her deathbed, I'd look after you.
Mom is not dead.
She ran off|to be an investment banker.
I'd rather think of her as dead.
The point is, Becky,|you mean the world to me.
That's what this last job was about.
That's why I'm gonna get out|from underneath this price that Little Tony put on my head|once and for all.
Really? Little Tony agreed|to cancel the contract? Not exactly.
I'm gonna cancel it.
- But only Little Tony can do that.
|- That's why I'll be Little Tony.
You're gonna switch bodies|with a Mob boss? Just for a while,|until I clear up this mess.
Even if it could be done,|you can't get near Little Tony.
- You won't last for two minutes.
|- Right.
That's why I have to get into a body|of someone that can get near Little Tony.
- Like who?|- Like Like him.
- How is it, boss? Good?|- I'm undecided.
It lacks a certain "esprit de la beau.
" You was there when Kent interviewed|me.
How did I come across? - Real good.
Stylish.
|- I thought so too.
How come I feel like I'm reading|about some kind of gangster? - He don't know you, boss.
|- I ain't satisfied.
Arrange another sit-down with Kent.
|We'll explain things to him.
- Good idea, boss.
|- What else you got? Come on, let's go.
Well, we think maybe Woody Samms|is back in town.
- Woody Samms, you seen him?|- Somebody's been pulling some jobs.
- It looks like his sig.
We're looking into it.
|- Unbelievable.
Guy steals from me, then has the nerve|to come back and pull more jobs.
I want this mook found.
I want him turned over to Doc,|chopped up, freeze-dried and made into little doggy biscuits|for Pepino here.
My baby.
So prowling the night|in the body of a lithe cat or scaling sheer walls in the form|of the frolicsome monkey wasn't enough for you, huh? You return to Asabi for the secret of|human-to-human body-soul transfer? Look, could we just do this?|It's not safe for me to be out in the open.
I got the money.
|You want it or don't you? All the ancient gods cry out to Asabi|from the nether reaches imploring him not to share|the sacred knowledge.
But what the heck.
But before I impart to you|the secret of the ancients I must bid you warning.
What you seek is a power|straight from the pits of Barathrum.
To exile a man from his body,|to take possession there are many dangers.
|- I'll do whatever it takes.
Very well.
But know this: There is no guarantee|the transfer will hold.
The displaced soul would always attempt|to fight its way back to its rightful body.
Not a problem.
I only need|the body temporarily.
I'll be back in my own skin|before you know it.
Fine.
This is the Zelig stone.
It contains properties for transformation.
You must clasp it onto the palm|of the one you wish to inhabit.
When you feel the other's heart beating|in time with your own as if it were your own only then you may take possession.
Sorry about having to do this|on our day off, honey.
But I promise you,|I'll make it up to you tonight.
How does dinner at Les Bardeaux sound?|Candlelight, violins Why don't we light some candles here.
And I'll go out later and pick up|some steaks and a bottle of wine.
Clothing optional.
- You are making me weak.
|- Wait till tonight.
Kryptonite's got nothing on me.
I should go.
Little Tony should be|getting out of church right about now.
Did he say what this impromptu|meeting was about? No.
But I'm guessing that|he didn't like what he read.
You remind him that when|he agreed to the interview " you" told him it wasn't a PR piece.
If he wanted that,|he should've hired a publicist.
If he gives you any lip or tries|to intimidate you at all pull a Mike Wallace.
|Take out a tape recorder.
Because guys like Tony taste their|breakfast when they see tape recorders.
In fact, I think I might have mine|around here somewhere.
Lois, honey.
Oh, I see.
So you're You're all set.
Well, have a nice time|with your gangster.
I can't believe what you're saying.
I'm just not sure I like the idea of my|father taking over the body of a mobster.
I mean, that means you'll be a mobster.
|You're sort of bad enough now.
I told you, it's only gonna be|for a couple of days.
Just so I can cancel that death order.
What happens when Little Tony|goes back to his old self? - You think he won't reinstate it?|- So I haven't figured out every tiny detail.
Right now, let's just worry|about making the switch.
I must have been crazy to get|within a mile of Little Tony.
But all is fine.
When Little Tony gets here,|I'm gonna be safe and "sound " tucked away in Clark Kent's body.
- You got the sedative?|- Yes.
Hey, get ready.
There's Kent.
Clark Kent.
I thought that was you.
|Hey, I read you all the time.
You sure know how to expose the seamy|underbelly of a candy-coated Metropolis.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
|- I'd love to buy you a drink.
Oh, that's very nice, but I'm waiting|for someone right now.
Sorry.
Well, I'll leave you alone.
|But before I go, let me shake your hand.
Oh, sure.
Sure.
- Yes.
Becky, now.
|- Sorry.
All right, now we gotta|stash the body someplace.
Little Tony can't see me Him here.
I'll help you drag him over this way.
- Daddy.
|- Sorry.
This Kent guy's stronger than he looks.
He's still alive.
Good.
Because I'm gonna|need that body back.
Daddy, is that really you? - Really me, princess.
|- How do you feel? Well, this Kent guy must eat right|or something because I feel better than|I've ever felt in my entire life.
Duck down.
Okay, Woody, just play it real easy.
You're Clark Kent, reporter.
All set with your loan docs, Mr.
Davis.
|Just sign in every place I've indicated.
- Yeah, ma 'am.
Seven bucks even.
|- All right, here's a tip.
Keep the change.
A quarter for 10 minutes.
Until we reach our cruising altitude|of 35,000 feet keep those seat belts fastened.
- Dad, are you all right?|- You don't have to shout.
I'm fine.
Fine.
What kind of drug is this Kent guy on? Houston, I'm seeing unidentified debris|outside the shuttle.
It looks like a piece of park bench.
Lois.
Lois.
Kent, I got a bone to pick with you.
|What's wrong? You got this look on your face.
You know what? I gotta go.
Why don't you guys feed the pigeons|or whatever.
I have to get some air.
What are you talking about? What's he|talking about? Kent, come back here.
Dad? I mean, Mr.
Kent? Mr.
Kent, come back.
Oh, man.
Man! Big mistake.
Oh, big mistake.
This guy's some kind of freak.
Why does that look so familiar? Wait a minute.
No way.
No way.
Okay, calm down.
Calm down.
|Just relax.
How cool is this? I'm not on drugs.
I'm Superman.
Okay.
Something in the park.
Red Kryptonite, maybe.
All right, how the heck|does he do this part? Oh, yeah.
This is gonna be so cool.
Lois? Yeah, boss.
Guess who I just bumped into.
|Woody Samms.
Yeah, right out in the open.
You bet I will, boss.
Lois.
Lois, something's happened.
- Excuse me?|- Lois, I don't know how it happened.
It happened so fast.
|This guy came up to me in the park.
I'm dizzy.
Take me home|and put me in a tub or something.
Listen, back off, pal.
Why are you looking at me like that? Do you want me to drop you right here?|Because I can.
Hey, this fellow bothering you? Yes, officer, he is.
What? Lois.
Officer, there's some misunderstanding.
|This woman is my wife.
- I've never seen him before in my life.
|- Okay, buddy.
Let's go.
- Why are you doing this?|- You can sleep it off downtown.
- Put your hands on top of the car.
|- Some guy in the park drugged me.
Always somebody else's fault.
The person|you should be looking at is yourself.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Lois.
Lois.
- Dad?|- Yeah, honey, it's me.
- Where have you been?|- Shopping.
This Kent guy's got more credit "cards " - Hot wife too.
|- What happened? Tiny change in plans.
I've decided|not to take Little Tony's body.
I'm keeping this one instead.
- Keeping it? Why?|- Well, you know I tried it on and it just looked|so good on me.
Giving it a little bit|of a different style, though.
Dad, Clark Kent didn't do anything|to you.
You can't just take his body.
It's not like I left him without a body.
|He's got my old one.
Yeah, exactly.
Which happens to have|a contract out on it.
I mean, every thug in Metropolis|is gonna be gunning for him.
Don't you worry about that.
|I'll take care of Little Tony myself.
He won't bother Kent or anyone else|when I'm through with him.
You're gonna get|Clark Kent's body killed.
Trust me, kitten,|that ain't gonna happen.
You have no idea how safe you are.
Nothing bad is ever gonna happen to you|from now on.
- What are you talking about?|- Trust me on this, kitten, I You.
You're the girl from the park.
Weird.
For a minute there,|I thought I was inside a jail cell.
You were back in your own body.
|That's what happened.
Clark Kent was arrested this afternoon.
|You switched places for a second.
I think you're right.
Dad, he's trying to get back into|his own body.
You have to let him.
Yeah, yeah, he's trying to get back in.
|Could be a problem.
We are closed.
Come back tomorrow.
- Or now is fine.
|- He's trying to get back in.
Can it be? It is you.
This is the body you've stolen?|Are you mad? You couldn't settle for,|I don't know, Michael Jordan? - It had to be this?|- Look, I didn't plan it this way.
It just sort of happened.
But he's trying to get back in.
|Now, how do I stop him? You can't.
You will almost surely|lose this battle.
It is only a matter of time|before he takes back what is his.
Wrong answer.
But I don't understand.
|Who posted my bail? - Your lawyer.
|- My lawyer? Hi.
There is a way.
If you wish to remain in this body,|his soul must die.
He must be released from the body|he now inhabits, into the next world where he would no longer have claims|to the flesh.
But it must be done soon.
- Why?|- The longer he lives and battles the more damage is done.
|- What damage? Your soul is like an invading organism|in this vessel.
Even now, this body you inhabit|is being destroyed.
- But this is Superman's body.
|- Precisely.
And so it needs Superman's spirit|to survive.
Unless you release that spirit|from this world and end the struggle you make the body uninhabitable|for anyone.
You or him.
So you're telling me I have to kill him? Kill my old body.
That is what I am saying, yes.
- Hello?|- Lois.
Lois, it's me.
Who? Miss Lane, I have a story for you.
|Something I think you'll wanna hear.
Well, call me tomorrow at the "Planet.
"|Today's my day off.
- Who was that?|- Oh, nobody.
When did you get home?|And what is that outfit? Little Tony's idea.
He said|I was dressing too boring.
Well, what you won't do for a story.
It's kind of sexy, though,|in a tasteless, tacky Married to the Mob|meets "The A-Team" sort of way.
Listen, sweetheart, I gotta ask you Have any strangers been by today? - Looking for me, maybe?|- Strangers? Like who? Funny guy.
Good-looking in a virile,|silver-fox kind of way.
Actually, there was this guy|when I was shopping.
Sort of fits that description.
|But I wouldn't call him virile.
Actually, more creepy.
|He wanted my help.
He thought I was his wife.
|But it was sort of weird, though.
- I had this feeling like I knew him.
|- Nope.
Different guy.
- So, what smells so good?|- Steaks.
Why don't you change|from this ridiculous outfit " and" I'll go check on them.
The sooner|we eat, the sooner we get to dessert.
- Are you okay?|- Yeah, yeah.
I was back in my own body.
A little longer this time.
Becky, I know where he is.
|I was in my own house.
- He's with Lois.
I gotta get to her.
|- Wait a minute.
You can't go out there.
It's not safe.
Little Tony's men|will still be looking for you.
- I don't care.
|- Well, I do.
That's my dad's body you're in.
|I don't want anything to happen.
I gotta get to my wife.
- God, you really love her, don't you?|- Yes.
Is it okay if I just pretend for a while|that you really are my father? I kind of like him like this.
Is something wrong?|You haven't touched it.
No, I'm fine.
|I just had a big lunch, that's all.
Well, how about we move on|to a little dessert? Sure, yeah.
That sounds great.
I wasn't planning on serving it|down here.
You mean, you wanna: With me.
Well, it's all right.
|We're married, remember? Yeah, right.
Good.
Why don't you put on some music|and I'll be right back.
Sure thing.
This just in: The bloody standoff between police|and the transit-bombing terrorists continues at this hour.
We'll bring you developments|as they happen.
Honey? - Did you hear that?|- Hear what? Just now, on the news.
The terrorists.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Awful, awful thing.
|I guess it's just the times we live in.
- You look good.
|- Thanks.
Don't you think you should, you "know?" Yeah, sure.
I'II right now.
Let me just get the bed pulled back|and we can all night Clark.
The terrorists.
Don't you think Superman|should take care of that first? Oh, right.
Yeah.
Of course.
You just hold that pose.
|I'll be back in a flash.
"Terrorists.
" Woman really knows|how to kill a mood.
Lois, don't panic.
|I'm not gonna hurt you.
But you have to listen to me.
|You turn around and look at me, okay? - You.
|- Now, honey Who are you to call me "honey"? It's me.
It's me, honey.
Lois, it's me, Clark.
I can prove it.
Honey, it's me.
Blue Unit, respond.
Blue Unit, respond.
Damn.
Cut off.
- Superman.
Thank heavens you're here.
|- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can we get on with it?|I'm in the middle of something.
Right.
Look, okay,|here's the situation, Superman.
The perps are heavily armed and they've|barricaded themselves in these areas.
Right.
One thing I'll say for the Man of Steel:|Doesn't waste any time.
Well, here you go, boys.
|Bag them and tag them.
- Thanks, Superman.
|- No problemo.
Kind of fun, actually.
This superhero stuff's a cinch.
"Your spirit is poisoning this body.
"|Yeah, right.
If anything else, it's making it stronger.
I'm bleeding? Lois, the first time you looked|into Clark's "eyes " you said you should have|recognized him for the man he was.
Look into mine now.
If anyone can see past this shell|and into my soul, it's you.
Come on, honey.
No glasses.
|It should be a snap for you.
Don't move.
Oh, my God.
Clark, it is you.
- What happened?|- He stole my body and left me in this.
So then, that "wasn't?" I knew there was something weird|about the way he kissed me.
- Nothing happened.
|- It's okay.
- I've been trying to get to you all day.
|- I wouldn't listen to you.
I'm so sorry.
- It's not your fault.
You didn't know.
|- What you must've been going through.
- Clark, you're burning up.
|- Yeah.
Lois, I'm sick.
I think this body's sick.
I think it's dying.
- Dying?|- I don't know how much time I have.
- I've gotta get my own body back.
|- He knows your secret.
He's looking for you.
That's not good.
I keep finding myself back|in my own body, but never for very long.
He keeps pushing me out again.
Every time it happens,|I seem to get weaker.
As long as he's you, he's unstoppable.
We have to take him|when he's not expecting it.
You have to get him to relax.
|But you can't let on that you know.
Okay.
Here's the phone number|where I'm staying.
It's a motel.
Call me when he's most vulnerable.
You're leaving? Honey, I can't stay here.
|He'll be looking for me.
I don't care what body you're in,|I'm with you no matter what.
That was some forward flip.
I love you.
Everything's all set.
Becky, you okay? He found me right after you went inside.
Woody Samms.
Little Tony|would like a word with you.
A last word.
- I'm so sorry about this.
|- It's not your fault.
No, it's my father's.
|I'm so ashamed of him.
Woody Samms.
You look|pretty good for a dead guy.
Take the girl out of here,|she shouldn't see this.
No, wait.
Leave him alone! He's not who you think he is!|You've got the wrong man! - Let her go, it's the father you want.
|- You're making a terrible mistake! - No.
We keep her around just in case.
|- Just in case of what? - Case you don't tell what I wanna know.
|- What do you wanna know? That jewelry you stole belonged|to my grandmother.
I want it back.
Tell me where it is,|and I'll make your death quick.
Refuse, and it's gonna take|a little longer.
Sorry, I've been a little off today.
Where've you been? What do you mean?|I was taking care of those terrorists.
- You think that's easy?|- No.
No, of course not.
I just heard the reports that you got them|to surrender over an hour ago.
Well, I stopped for a drink.
What do you wanna do,|bust my chops about that too? No, no.
Of course not.
Clark, you're bleeding.
Oh, yeah, that.
Well, you know Let me see anyone else get out of that|with just a scratch.
They fired 5, 600 rounds at me.
|It was I'm tired.
- You are?|- Yeah.
Well, dear, why don't we do|what we usually do.
Remind me again.
You just lay back here and relax.
- I'll take care of everything.
|- Oh, good.
You sure this is the same Woody Samms?|I don't remember him being this tough.
- I don't know, boss.
He's just taking it.
|- I haven't got time for this.
Doc, he's all yours.
Let's get out of here.
|I've wasted enough time on this.
Becky! Becky! Becky! Forget the girl.
Get out of here! Come on, Clark.
Answer.
- Where is he?|- Why don't you use the auto-redial.
Guess you can't.
- Becky! Becky!|- In here! I'm in here! Help! He's been here.
You've talked to him.
Tell me what you know.
Come on, make this easy on yourself and him.
I'm not fooling around here, lady.
|Now, tell me where he is.
It doesn't matter what you do to me.
|He'll find you and he'll stop you.
- He's gonna stop Superman?|- He is Superman.
- Not anymore, lady.
I'm Superman now.
|- You'll never be Superman.
It's not the suit,|it's not even the powers.
It's something|you'll never have: Character.
To be Superman, you have to|care about something.
- Something other than yourself.
|- Real inspiring.
Now, tell me where he is.
- No.
|- Okay.
Help! Help! Daddy, help me! Becky? - Help!|- What's happened? Where's Becky? Inside.
You've gotta go in there|and get her.
- I'm afraid.
|- What? Get over it.
You're invulnerable.
|Trust me on this.
I don't think that's true.
Look.
|I got shot, look.
Turns out, I'm poison to this body.
|I think it's breaking down because of me.
Help! Help! The flames from the fire,|I can feel them.
It's hot.
It'll sting, but it won't kill you.
|Becky won't be so lucky.
Now, go in there and get her.
Daddy, help! Help me! What if I can't? - You have to do it.
|- I can't.
Yes, you could.
|You could do it in this body.
Please.
She's the only thing I care about.
|You've gotta save her.
- We have to do this fast.
|- Take my hand.
Help! Help! I'm in here! Somebody, please, help me! Somebody help! Help me! You let me down, Doc.
Take the dog.
Now, it's simple.
I want you to - Clark!|- No, Becky.
That's not Clark.
It's your father.
Daddy.
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
Becky, your father's the one|that got Superman here.
And when he realized|that I was in danger too he saved me by giving me back|my body.
He took all the danger on himself.
Did anybody here witness|what happened? I'm proud of you, Daddy.
Oh, Daddy, don't leave me.
Come on, Pepino.
Come to Daddy.
|Come on.
Daddy, don't leave me.
Come on, Tony.
You won't need a dog|where you're going.
Amazingly, only one fatality|was suffered in the blaze.
The victim was identified|as Woody Samms, 45, of Metropolis.
Guess who.
I don't have to guess.
|I'd know you anywhere.