Abbott Elementary (2021) s04e21 Episode Script
Rally
1
Oh, crap, crap, crap.
The aquarium is not gonna be
open in time for our field trip.
I still can't believe
people really thought
it was a good idea to free
the fish after the Super Bowl.
Eagles fans are really, uh
What?
Unique.
So does this mean no
end-of-the-year field trip?
Oh, no.
There will be a field trip.
I've learned to book
a backup just in case.
So we will be going to
Broadway!
A Broadway show!
No.
That's a good idea.
New York's not far.
I'll save that for next time.
No, we are going to
the Please Touch Museum.
Ooh, fantastic.
And maybe they
will find the shark
and we get to see him
next year at the aquarium.
- Exactly.
- Mr. Johnson: Good morning, y'all.
- Morning.
- Does anyone need shark fin soup?
My freezer is stuffed
to the gills with it.
Shark is the tuna of the sea.
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
♪
[GASPS] I just bought
a cute little outfit like that
for my future glamchild.
You look like you're about
to take me to court
for stealing your Binky.
Look, I feel the need
to kindly remind you
to never put baby in a corner.
Today we are going
to the district
to make a formal appeal
to get Ava her job back.
The disciplinary board is giving
us a chance to plead our case.
Jacob watched four seasons
of "Law & Order" to prepare.
I watched "Shogun,"
which didn't help,
but I do know a lot
about seppuku.
I don't like it.
So it took a miracle,
but I managed to get a few subs
to cover all your classes
for the rest of the day,
so don't worry
about rushing back.
Good, good, good.
Good morning, Principal Eddie.
Oh, good morning, Langston.
Now hurry up and get to class
before the bell rings.
Alright, good luck, y'all.
Alright, I'll see you two there.
Wait. No, no, I thought we were
all gonna ride together.
Yeah, I made
a "Rollin' With the Homies"
playlist for the commute.
Sweet Cheeks' car seat takes
up, like, my entire back seat, so
And I'm just gonna ride
with her because
I don't want to hear
that playlist.
- Uh
- Let's go get a job back, young people.
Come on.
Okay, I really think
we should take one car.
You guys, the planet.
And as you can see,
I was only trying to do what was
best for our staff and students.
So you didn't extort
a local business
and accept contributions
that go against district policy?
No, I did, because
that was what was best
for our staff and students.
May I approach the table
as a character witness?
Just stay where you are.
Look, we can we can discuss
"the facts" or "what happened"
all day until we're
blue in the face.
You know?
- Um, let me try.
- Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is safe to assume
that we are all
God-fearing people, is it not?
No, not at all.
Why would you assume that?
I'm, like, spiritual
when I need to be.
Oh, my, my, my.
[CHUCKLES]
Janine:
Ava only bent the rules
because we have so little
at Abbott.
Melissa:
Little? Try nothing.
There are public parks
with more resources than us.
You want us to come
to your house
and take your toilet paper?
That felt like a threat.
I would like to declare
Miss Schemmenti
- a hostile witness.
- What?
Listen, if I'm accused
of doing whatever it takes
to help our kids,
then guilty as charged.
Yes, is caring too much
something you really
want to punish?
Barbara:
Ava is an amazing principal,
and she has more than
learned her lesson.
And is that really what you want
to say to the educators
of the Philadelphia
public school system?
Care less?
It's powerful testimony.
Just give us a second.
[SIGHS]
Okay.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Appeal denied.
Ms. Coleman is still fired
for lying to the board.
Wait.
There is one thing.
Yes?
Pay for your parking
at the machine
before you get to your car.
People don't like
being held up at the gate
while you're fumbling
for your credit card.
Okay. Bye.
Wait, wait, wait.
Um we have some new
smoking-gun evidence
that we'd like a few minutes
to review
and bring it to your honors,
- your honors, please.
- Yes, yes.
Okay.
Set a timer for 30 seconds.
- Oh, my God. Okay.
- MELISSA: Come on, guys.
I would have given them 15.
Well, I'm hungry.
Oh, God,
I love surprise evidence.
- What do you got?
- I got nothing. I was stalling.
What?
I told you, they're not
backing down from this.
This is so unfair!
Why couldn't they
take me instead?
Oh, my God,
they told us during the audit
that it's really hard
to fire teachers.
And with the sub shortage,
they can't suspend all of us.
So what if we go in there,
admit it was us,
and and we'll get
a slap on the wrist,
and then Ava gets her job back.
A sacrifice.
Oh, Barbara Howard the Martyr
does have a nice ring to it.
Uh, to be clear,
you all did do it.
You initiated the bribing.
I'm a hero.
[THUD]
Oh, my God.
Okay, so are we doing this?
Pleading guilty to anything is
against everything I stand for.
So we'll call it no contest.
- Let's go!
- MELISSA: Okay.
Whoo! I am vibrating
with adrenaline.
Is this what it feels like
to play a team sport?
Y'all are so embarrassing.
Thank you.
Miles, thank you for stopping by
on short notice.
Please, sign in.
Looks like somebody benefited
from the little shake-up
around here, huh?
Um, yeah.
Please, come to my office.
Okay, well
I know we lost the things that
we got from the golf course,
but I was hoping that I could
save the students' golf club
since RJ and the students
have benefited so much from it.
Oh, this? I'm just
I'm trying something new.
Red is supposed to be
persuasive, okay?
So, about the golf club,
I was thinking
Oh, uh, we will be
shutting that down
after this school year,
no question.
Okay, what if we didn't do that?
What are you prepared
to give me?
Nothing.
No more bribes.
Everything above water.
So, I would give you
a golf club,
and you would give me
The satisfaction of knowing
you created a program
that helped so many children.
Ava was so much better at this.
Uh, look, the tax breaks
for a student club,
they don't move
the needle enough.
Hold on.
This can be
a mutually beneficial deal.
If you designated a separate
community club for all ages,
thus reclassifying under
the 501(c) nonprofit tax code
Go on.
I looked at the comps in
the area and I ran the numbers.
With that tax savings,
you would net more than 5%
more revenue annually.
So this would be a legal bribe.
Otherwise known as a deal.
I like the cut
of your jib, Eddie.
Oh, and, by the way,
your shirt, it really
Persuaded you?
Made me want to switch
to State Farm.
Consider burning that.
Okay, take care, now.
Alright, Abbott Elementary.
What is this new evidence
that has come to light?
[SIGHS]
What new evidence?
Oh, just a little thing
called the truth!
- Ow.
- Wow.
Ava had nothing to do
with taking bribes
from the golf course.
Because it was me.
And me.
I may or may not
have known about things
that may or may not
have happened.
Ava took the blame because it
would be harder on our students
to replace their
day-to-day teachers,
even if it was temporary.
Isn't that the exact
kind of principal
we want leading our schools?
- Is this true?
- Of course.
Anyone can do what I do,
but capable teachers like
J-Janine are irreplaceable.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Well, it appears
that we have made a mistake.
- Oh!
- Thank you for your honesty
and for setting
the record straight.
So, per this new information,
as of Monday,
you're all suspended for a week.
- What?
- Suspended?
For a week?
Do you know how hard
it's gonna be
to find subs
for this many teachers?
I do not, because
it's not my jurisdiction.
Okay, I have a dependent
at the school
that relies on me
being physically present.
- And what is the child's name?
- Sweet Cheeks.
Sw
It's a guinea pig.
Well, Sweet Cheeks
is suspended, as well.
Okay, but at least
Ava's back as principal.
Of course not.
She's still fired
for lying to the board.
[SIGHS]
Great plan, Janine.
Um, yeah, just letting you know
that you will be having a sub
or series of subs taking over
for me next week.
What are you doing
for a whole week?
- Did you get in trouble?
- No.
I'm simply taking
a principled vacation
in support of Principal Coleman.
That's not a vacation, bro.
You got suspended.
Okay, uh
They suspended you for trying
to get Principal Coleman's
job back?
Dang.
That's messed up.
Yeah, we should do something.
- Yeah.
- No, no.
Look, I-I appreciate
you guys so much,
but this is not
your fight, okay?
Alright, class,
Miss Teagues won't be here,
uh, next Monday, okay?
Or Tuesday or Wednesday
or Thursday or Friday.
TOGETHER: No!
Yes, Lila.
How come?
Miss Teagues will be
on a long, unpaid vacation.
But you'll be back
for Earth Day?
I'm not gonna be back
for Earth Day.
Oh, my God, what did we do?
You know, we did everything
we could to get Ava back,
and she's still fired.
You know, this is the first
and only time
I have been professionally
reprimanded in my entire career.
And I do not plan
to be a good sport about it.
Same.
I've only been suspended
in my nightmares.
And even then,
my dream self wakes up
to a dream
where I'm not suspended.
Okay, it's it's a huge
bummer, alright?
But I'm not gonna lie.
Gregory being principal is not
the worst thing in the world.
Well, I appreciate the praise,
but the job isn't mine.
I'm gonna interview for it,
but they'll be interviewing
a lot of people for the role.
So it could be anybody?
Yeah, I heard
even Morton's interviewing.
- I will riot!
- GREGORY: Agreed.
I'll see you all later.
I now have to go find
a bunch of subs
we definitely don't have
for next week.
MELISSA: Oh, hell naw.
We cannot allow some
rando principal or Morton
[GAGS] to come in
here and ruin our school.
Yeah, well, what are we
gonna do about it?
Because we are all
out of options.
No, no, no, no, no,
we just need to think
outside of the box
to bring Ava back, okay?
Come on, let's brainstorm.
- There are no bad ideas, okay?
- Alright, come on.
I know a brother
who clones for the low.
We raise the clone,
teach her how to be a principal.
Mm-hmm.
Let's keep brainstorming.
- Okay, yeah.
- Yeah.
Thank you both
for hopping on this Zoom.
Um, Tariq, please tell me
that's a fake background.
Why would it be fake?
Okay.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Would both of you
be able to help out
in some classrooms next week?
A bunch of teachers
got suspended
trying to help Ava
get her job back.
Ooh. Okay,
here's the thing.
Yes, but I could not help out
with math, English,
history, or science.
What the hell is wrong
with these district people?
You know, they're gonna make
this bitch become that bitch.
- Mm-hmm, yes.
- Oh.
As a matter of fact, I'm coming
down there right now, bro.
No, no, no, no, unh-unh, no, no.
Sit down.
It's okay.
I don't need you, um,
until Monday,
but I appreciate the enthusiasm.
Okay, well, we're gonna be
down there for sure, brother.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna
see us real soon.
Mm-hmm.
I'm getting sick of them.
[Indistinct whispering]
JANINE: This can't be it.
What haven't we thought of yet?
- Squatter's rights.
- This is our school now. Ooh, yeah.
Hey, Mrs. Howard, can I borrow
some of your markers
- from the classroom?
- Sure, sweetheart.
Just put them back
when you're done.
You know, this never
would have happened
if we were a charter school.
They're allowed to solicit
donations all they want.
Oh, my God, Jacob,
you beautiful genius.
That's it.
We become a charter school.
Just for a little bit,
and then we change back.
Okay, how the hell
do we do that?
One step ahead of you.
"How to become
a charter school."
Make an account?
Never mind.
Hey, Mr. C,
can I borrow this?
Sure, bud.
All yours.
MR. JOHNSON: I got it. I'll
interview for principal, get the job.
Then we'll need a new janitor.
Ava applies for the position.
And then
What are we trying to do again?
Oh, you know,
maybe it is just time
that we accept the things
we cannot change.
[BANGS TABLE]
I can't accept that.
Okay, there might be one thing.
- What?
- What?
It's the Schemmenti Diversion.
It's an old family secret.
I'm gonna need a dozen
balaclava, a tray of baklava,
an ice cream truck,
and a boatload of zip ties,
and the grace of God.
- We in?
- Yeah.
JACOB: Let's do it.
First we get him
into a clown wig.
I was up all night
trying to figure this out,
but I think we'll be able
to have all of our classes
covered while our teachers
are suspended.
Look, I do wish Ava was here,
but getting to do
all of this problem-solving
and decision-making
in support of the entire school
is starting to make me remember
why I wanted to be principal
in the first place.
You want a high five?
I don't give those.
By the way,
your paycheck arrived.
Oh.
God damn!
Never seen a check
like that before, huh?
No, I have not.
Okay, I picked up
the five dozen balloons.
Did you pay in cash? 'Cause
we can't leave a paper trail.
Why did I need to buy
88 gumballs?
Janine, please tell me
you blew the bubble,
'cause I'm not doing it
for you again.
Important thing, the oxygen tank
taps out after 30 minutes.
- Right.
- Got it?
- This just might work out.
- Okay, let's do it.
[STUDENTS CHANTING
"SAVE OUR TEACHERS!"]
- Okay.
- Is it recess?
You all think your plan
is so clever?
Guess what, smarties.
It's gonna backfire.
Oh, my God,
there's a rat amongst us.
A walkout's not gonna
change our decision.
Wait, what?
Uh, a walkout?
Brandon, what
what is going on?
We're protesting,
Mr. C.
We can't let you guys
take that L.
MELISSA: Aww!
They're peacefully protesting.
I'm just
Okay, I hear you,
I see you, and I respect you.
But please do not walk out
and make this the worst day
of my job.
The district will be here
shortly to quell
to listen to you
and your needs shortly.
[STUDENTS CHEERING]
Okay, I'm gonna go call Ava.
Barbara:
Alright, alright.
Alright, the clock is ticking.
They have 29 minutes
of oxygen left.
- Uh, um
- We should get them.
We love how passionate
you all are about your school,
which is why we thought
it would be a good idea
to have this forum, which
just so happens to coincide
with you wanting to walk
out of the school.
Rick:
We are here to listen.
For 30 seconds at a time.
Well, thank you
for hearing us out.
Um, if anyone would like to
speak, just stand up, I guess.
Well said.
Next speaker.
[VOICE BREAKING] Ava and these
teachers are my closest friends.
Oh, not this again.
I love them,
and they challenge me
to be better every day.
Really? Morton is the ace
up your sleeve?
Knew I should've
went to the club.
Look, the kids did it, okay?
We had a slightly
more complicated plan,
but I think this one is better.
It's just like I tell my wife.
Sorry, my ex-ex-wife.
- JANINE: Oh, my God.
- I say, look
Okay, I think we got it, Morton.
Thanks.
Our teachers do everything.
What do y'all do?
[STUDENTS SHOUTING]
Aren't y'all the ones that took
our archery equipment?
How am I supposed to become
the next Hawkeye?
Okay, please, please,
one at a time.
I was having a hard time,
but these teachers
and Principal Coleman
stepped up when I thought
no one else cared.
Without them,
I don't know where I would be.
RJ speaking at a rally?
- We have come so far.
- Yeah.
So moving, right?
Well, the good news, kiddos,
is that your teachers will be
back in five business days,
and we are working very hard
to find you a new principal.
Excuse me.
Have you decided
how much that new principal
will be making?
Do you have any idea
how much property damage
can be accomplished
in five business days?
Really?
Really?
Nothing that you have heard
from these students
or the faculty matter to you?
No.
So if everyone
is done feeling heard
[MURMURING]
- Good.
- Great, okay.
Ava:
Janine, we lost.
It happens.
To you all the time.
No, no, no, no, no.
Maybe if we, um
I think we
we can probably
Janine, it's over.
[Door opens]
TARIQ: On your left.
[MURMURING]
My bad. I meant my left.
Uh, y'all's right.
As the PTA, we will not stand by
while y'all are hurting
our children's education
with this nonsense.
You can say that again.
As the B.L.A.C.K.S.,
we've seen firsthand
how Miss Coleman has transformed
this rundown elementary school
into an unpredictable
music venue.
And I speak
for the local businesses
when I say that we have seen
the positive changes
that this school
and its leadership
has contributed
to this community.
They supported us
during the SEPTA strike,
so we are here to support them!
[CHEERING]
Perhaps this whole issue can
be put to bed by a white savior.
Well, uh, as someone who
has bribed thousands of people
across this fair city,
this was the only place
that those bribes
benefited children
and not corrupt officials.
- He's not wrong.
- Okay.
Oh, my gosh, guys, the community
is coming together,
and we didn't even
have to trick them.
Good afternoon.
How many damn doors
do we have in this gym?
Wasn't Crystal the one that
ratted us out to the district?
Yup. She must be here
to finish the job.
Mm, just when we almost
had the board on our side.
Soror.
- Boar-ord.
- Oh, no.
Although I've had
my differences in the past
- with Principal Coleman
- AVA: You don't say.
You're my number-one hater,
and I have a lot.
[SIGHS] Myself and these
other principals know
that no one fights harder
for their school than Ava
and these educators.
Any school in this district
would be lucky
to have these teachers
and a principal like Ava.
And if you think differently,
then you don't know what's
best for your own district.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Bring them back!
ALL: Bring them back!
Bring them back!
Stop the chant!
So, after hearing the
community's thoughtful thoughts,
we have decided
we have no choice
but to go forward
with our original plan,
which was to reinstate Ava
and her band of teachers.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
And slide
Ooh, they tried it,
but my record, like my spirit,
remains unsullied.
Uh-huh. Now, when are all these
people gonna go home?
I don't know, but I have
an ice cream truck to return
and a bunch of baklava to eat.
I wanted to thank you guys
for seeing this through.
It really means a lot to me.
You're welcome.
It was worth it.
Agreed. You, ma'am,
are worth the sacrifice.
Mm-hmm.
I really am, aren't I?
Like, if it wasn't for
how good and wonderful
and impactful I am,
you'd have nothing to fight for.
So I guess I got to
thank myself, too.
- Yeah.
- There it is.
Don't you think we ought to nip
this line dancing in the bud?
Yeah, Jacob, get over there
and start dancing.
That'll let the air
out of their tires.
Uh, looks like Miles
already has that covered.
BARBARA: Can't
unsee it. I can't unsee it.
- Goodness.
- Good night.
Oh, also, my internal clock
has gotten used to
sleeping in till 10:00,
so I'll be late
until I can reset that.
Ooh, it is good
to have you back, friend.
What's that?
I mean Principal Coleman.
Ava, congratulations.
I'm glad to see
this all worked out.
Well, you sure have
a lot of time
to keep popping up
at this school.
I'm just happy
to see you got a second chance.
Yeah, but see,
I got a second chance
because I was actually good
at my first chance.
Fair enough.
I hope you know that
I'm proud of you.
Even if I wasn't always there.
Thank you.
I'm around if you need anything.
What, for, like, a haircut?
- Can you do a bob?
- No.
[CHUCKLES]
I just mean
anything.
[CHUCKLES] The power's
addicting, isn't it?
I was just keeping it warm
for you.
Ew.
Now, what is that?
Uh, lumbar support
for your lower back.
You can keep it if you want.
Get a core.
Do a sit-up.
I don't need that.
I did want to say,
thanks for holding down
the place while I was gone.
I heard you did a great job.
Thank you.
I enjoyed it.
I can tell. You practically
moved into the place.
Well, I'll, um, leave you to it.
Well, Dia,
looks like this is it.
You got fired, too?
N-No.
I-I'm just
Then what do you want
a tearful goodbye for?
Y'all deserve each other.
See you next week.
- Very good.
- I'm here.
Why?
Well, Greg said
that y'all needed some teachers,
so here I am.
Yeah, but that was only for
if we were suspended,
which we were not.
But you were there.
Ohh.
Yeah, so I was actually
kind of looking forward
to having some time off.
And secretly, I would have
loved sitting at home
catching up
on the Kate Hudson show.
Oh, I just love it when they
come dancing down the hallway.
Jennifer.
So we figured, you know,
since Tariq's here, hey
Alright, y'all,
my name is Tariq,
but you can call me
Mr. Coach Temple.
I'm gonna be real up front
with y'all.
I don't remember nothing
that I learned
before the age of 12, okay?
So I need somebody here
to tell me
how to craft a text message
to my landlord
asking for a rent reduction.
Real quick with the hands.
Come on.
Don't hurt yourself.
Where they at?
Oh, crap, crap, crap.
The aquarium is not gonna be
open in time for our field trip.
I still can't believe
people really thought
it was a good idea to free
the fish after the Super Bowl.
Eagles fans are really, uh
What?
Unique.
So does this mean no
end-of-the-year field trip?
Oh, no.
There will be a field trip.
I've learned to book
a backup just in case.
So we will be going to
Broadway!
A Broadway show!
No.
That's a good idea.
New York's not far.
I'll save that for next time.
No, we are going to
the Please Touch Museum.
Ooh, fantastic.
And maybe they
will find the shark
and we get to see him
next year at the aquarium.
- Exactly.
- Mr. Johnson: Good morning, y'all.
- Morning.
- Does anyone need shark fin soup?
My freezer is stuffed
to the gills with it.
Shark is the tuna of the sea.
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
♪
[GASPS] I just bought
a cute little outfit like that
for my future glamchild.
You look like you're about
to take me to court
for stealing your Binky.
Look, I feel the need
to kindly remind you
to never put baby in a corner.
Today we are going
to the district
to make a formal appeal
to get Ava her job back.
The disciplinary board is giving
us a chance to plead our case.
Jacob watched four seasons
of "Law & Order" to prepare.
I watched "Shogun,"
which didn't help,
but I do know a lot
about seppuku.
I don't like it.
So it took a miracle,
but I managed to get a few subs
to cover all your classes
for the rest of the day,
so don't worry
about rushing back.
Good, good, good.
Good morning, Principal Eddie.
Oh, good morning, Langston.
Now hurry up and get to class
before the bell rings.
Alright, good luck, y'all.
Alright, I'll see you two there.
Wait. No, no, I thought we were
all gonna ride together.
Yeah, I made
a "Rollin' With the Homies"
playlist for the commute.
Sweet Cheeks' car seat takes
up, like, my entire back seat, so
And I'm just gonna ride
with her because
I don't want to hear
that playlist.
- Uh
- Let's go get a job back, young people.
Come on.
Okay, I really think
we should take one car.
You guys, the planet.
And as you can see,
I was only trying to do what was
best for our staff and students.
So you didn't extort
a local business
and accept contributions
that go against district policy?
No, I did, because
that was what was best
for our staff and students.
May I approach the table
as a character witness?
Just stay where you are.
Look, we can we can discuss
"the facts" or "what happened"
all day until we're
blue in the face.
You know?
- Um, let me try.
- Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is safe to assume
that we are all
God-fearing people, is it not?
No, not at all.
Why would you assume that?
I'm, like, spiritual
when I need to be.
Oh, my, my, my.
[CHUCKLES]
Janine:
Ava only bent the rules
because we have so little
at Abbott.
Melissa:
Little? Try nothing.
There are public parks
with more resources than us.
You want us to come
to your house
and take your toilet paper?
That felt like a threat.
I would like to declare
Miss Schemmenti
- a hostile witness.
- What?
Listen, if I'm accused
of doing whatever it takes
to help our kids,
then guilty as charged.
Yes, is caring too much
something you really
want to punish?
Barbara:
Ava is an amazing principal,
and she has more than
learned her lesson.
And is that really what you want
to say to the educators
of the Philadelphia
public school system?
Care less?
It's powerful testimony.
Just give us a second.
[SIGHS]
Okay.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Appeal denied.
Ms. Coleman is still fired
for lying to the board.
Wait.
There is one thing.
Yes?
Pay for your parking
at the machine
before you get to your car.
People don't like
being held up at the gate
while you're fumbling
for your credit card.
Okay. Bye.
Wait, wait, wait.
Um we have some new
smoking-gun evidence
that we'd like a few minutes
to review
and bring it to your honors,
- your honors, please.
- Yes, yes.
Okay.
Set a timer for 30 seconds.
- Oh, my God. Okay.
- MELISSA: Come on, guys.
I would have given them 15.
Well, I'm hungry.
Oh, God,
I love surprise evidence.
- What do you got?
- I got nothing. I was stalling.
What?
I told you, they're not
backing down from this.
This is so unfair!
Why couldn't they
take me instead?
Oh, my God,
they told us during the audit
that it's really hard
to fire teachers.
And with the sub shortage,
they can't suspend all of us.
So what if we go in there,
admit it was us,
and and we'll get
a slap on the wrist,
and then Ava gets her job back.
A sacrifice.
Oh, Barbara Howard the Martyr
does have a nice ring to it.
Uh, to be clear,
you all did do it.
You initiated the bribing.
I'm a hero.
[THUD]
Oh, my God.
Okay, so are we doing this?
Pleading guilty to anything is
against everything I stand for.
So we'll call it no contest.
- Let's go!
- MELISSA: Okay.
Whoo! I am vibrating
with adrenaline.
Is this what it feels like
to play a team sport?
Y'all are so embarrassing.
Thank you.
Miles, thank you for stopping by
on short notice.
Please, sign in.
Looks like somebody benefited
from the little shake-up
around here, huh?
Um, yeah.
Please, come to my office.
Okay, well
I know we lost the things that
we got from the golf course,
but I was hoping that I could
save the students' golf club
since RJ and the students
have benefited so much from it.
Oh, this? I'm just
I'm trying something new.
Red is supposed to be
persuasive, okay?
So, about the golf club,
I was thinking
Oh, uh, we will be
shutting that down
after this school year,
no question.
Okay, what if we didn't do that?
What are you prepared
to give me?
Nothing.
No more bribes.
Everything above water.
So, I would give you
a golf club,
and you would give me
The satisfaction of knowing
you created a program
that helped so many children.
Ava was so much better at this.
Uh, look, the tax breaks
for a student club,
they don't move
the needle enough.
Hold on.
This can be
a mutually beneficial deal.
If you designated a separate
community club for all ages,
thus reclassifying under
the 501(c) nonprofit tax code
Go on.
I looked at the comps in
the area and I ran the numbers.
With that tax savings,
you would net more than 5%
more revenue annually.
So this would be a legal bribe.
Otherwise known as a deal.
I like the cut
of your jib, Eddie.
Oh, and, by the way,
your shirt, it really
Persuaded you?
Made me want to switch
to State Farm.
Consider burning that.
Okay, take care, now.
Alright, Abbott Elementary.
What is this new evidence
that has come to light?
[SIGHS]
What new evidence?
Oh, just a little thing
called the truth!
- Ow.
- Wow.
Ava had nothing to do
with taking bribes
from the golf course.
Because it was me.
And me.
I may or may not
have known about things
that may or may not
have happened.
Ava took the blame because it
would be harder on our students
to replace their
day-to-day teachers,
even if it was temporary.
Isn't that the exact
kind of principal
we want leading our schools?
- Is this true?
- Of course.
Anyone can do what I do,
but capable teachers like
J-Janine are irreplaceable.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Well, it appears
that we have made a mistake.
- Oh!
- Thank you for your honesty
and for setting
the record straight.
So, per this new information,
as of Monday,
you're all suspended for a week.
- What?
- Suspended?
For a week?
Do you know how hard
it's gonna be
to find subs
for this many teachers?
I do not, because
it's not my jurisdiction.
Okay, I have a dependent
at the school
that relies on me
being physically present.
- And what is the child's name?
- Sweet Cheeks.
Sw
It's a guinea pig.
Well, Sweet Cheeks
is suspended, as well.
Okay, but at least
Ava's back as principal.
Of course not.
She's still fired
for lying to the board.
[SIGHS]
Great plan, Janine.
Um, yeah, just letting you know
that you will be having a sub
or series of subs taking over
for me next week.
What are you doing
for a whole week?
- Did you get in trouble?
- No.
I'm simply taking
a principled vacation
in support of Principal Coleman.
That's not a vacation, bro.
You got suspended.
Okay, uh
They suspended you for trying
to get Principal Coleman's
job back?
Dang.
That's messed up.
Yeah, we should do something.
- Yeah.
- No, no.
Look, I-I appreciate
you guys so much,
but this is not
your fight, okay?
Alright, class,
Miss Teagues won't be here,
uh, next Monday, okay?
Or Tuesday or Wednesday
or Thursday or Friday.
TOGETHER: No!
Yes, Lila.
How come?
Miss Teagues will be
on a long, unpaid vacation.
But you'll be back
for Earth Day?
I'm not gonna be back
for Earth Day.
Oh, my God, what did we do?
You know, we did everything
we could to get Ava back,
and she's still fired.
You know, this is the first
and only time
I have been professionally
reprimanded in my entire career.
And I do not plan
to be a good sport about it.
Same.
I've only been suspended
in my nightmares.
And even then,
my dream self wakes up
to a dream
where I'm not suspended.
Okay, it's it's a huge
bummer, alright?
But I'm not gonna lie.
Gregory being principal is not
the worst thing in the world.
Well, I appreciate the praise,
but the job isn't mine.
I'm gonna interview for it,
but they'll be interviewing
a lot of people for the role.
So it could be anybody?
Yeah, I heard
even Morton's interviewing.
- I will riot!
- GREGORY: Agreed.
I'll see you all later.
I now have to go find
a bunch of subs
we definitely don't have
for next week.
MELISSA: Oh, hell naw.
We cannot allow some
rando principal or Morton
[GAGS] to come in
here and ruin our school.
Yeah, well, what are we
gonna do about it?
Because we are all
out of options.
No, no, no, no, no,
we just need to think
outside of the box
to bring Ava back, okay?
Come on, let's brainstorm.
- There are no bad ideas, okay?
- Alright, come on.
I know a brother
who clones for the low.
We raise the clone,
teach her how to be a principal.
Mm-hmm.
Let's keep brainstorming.
- Okay, yeah.
- Yeah.
Thank you both
for hopping on this Zoom.
Um, Tariq, please tell me
that's a fake background.
Why would it be fake?
Okay.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Would both of you
be able to help out
in some classrooms next week?
A bunch of teachers
got suspended
trying to help Ava
get her job back.
Ooh. Okay,
here's the thing.
Yes, but I could not help out
with math, English,
history, or science.
What the hell is wrong
with these district people?
You know, they're gonna make
this bitch become that bitch.
- Mm-hmm, yes.
- Oh.
As a matter of fact, I'm coming
down there right now, bro.
No, no, no, no, unh-unh, no, no.
Sit down.
It's okay.
I don't need you, um,
until Monday,
but I appreciate the enthusiasm.
Okay, well, we're gonna be
down there for sure, brother.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna
see us real soon.
Mm-hmm.
I'm getting sick of them.
[Indistinct whispering]
JANINE: This can't be it.
What haven't we thought of yet?
- Squatter's rights.
- This is our school now. Ooh, yeah.
Hey, Mrs. Howard, can I borrow
some of your markers
- from the classroom?
- Sure, sweetheart.
Just put them back
when you're done.
You know, this never
would have happened
if we were a charter school.
They're allowed to solicit
donations all they want.
Oh, my God, Jacob,
you beautiful genius.
That's it.
We become a charter school.
Just for a little bit,
and then we change back.
Okay, how the hell
do we do that?
One step ahead of you.
"How to become
a charter school."
Make an account?
Never mind.
Hey, Mr. C,
can I borrow this?
Sure, bud.
All yours.
MR. JOHNSON: I got it. I'll
interview for principal, get the job.
Then we'll need a new janitor.
Ava applies for the position.
And then
What are we trying to do again?
Oh, you know,
maybe it is just time
that we accept the things
we cannot change.
[BANGS TABLE]
I can't accept that.
Okay, there might be one thing.
- What?
- What?
It's the Schemmenti Diversion.
It's an old family secret.
I'm gonna need a dozen
balaclava, a tray of baklava,
an ice cream truck,
and a boatload of zip ties,
and the grace of God.
- We in?
- Yeah.
JACOB: Let's do it.
First we get him
into a clown wig.
I was up all night
trying to figure this out,
but I think we'll be able
to have all of our classes
covered while our teachers
are suspended.
Look, I do wish Ava was here,
but getting to do
all of this problem-solving
and decision-making
in support of the entire school
is starting to make me remember
why I wanted to be principal
in the first place.
You want a high five?
I don't give those.
By the way,
your paycheck arrived.
Oh.
God damn!
Never seen a check
like that before, huh?
No, I have not.
Okay, I picked up
the five dozen balloons.
Did you pay in cash? 'Cause
we can't leave a paper trail.
Why did I need to buy
88 gumballs?
Janine, please tell me
you blew the bubble,
'cause I'm not doing it
for you again.
Important thing, the oxygen tank
taps out after 30 minutes.
- Right.
- Got it?
- This just might work out.
- Okay, let's do it.
[STUDENTS CHANTING
"SAVE OUR TEACHERS!"]
- Okay.
- Is it recess?
You all think your plan
is so clever?
Guess what, smarties.
It's gonna backfire.
Oh, my God,
there's a rat amongst us.
A walkout's not gonna
change our decision.
Wait, what?
Uh, a walkout?
Brandon, what
what is going on?
We're protesting,
Mr. C.
We can't let you guys
take that L.
MELISSA: Aww!
They're peacefully protesting.
I'm just
Okay, I hear you,
I see you, and I respect you.
But please do not walk out
and make this the worst day
of my job.
The district will be here
shortly to quell
to listen to you
and your needs shortly.
[STUDENTS CHEERING]
Okay, I'm gonna go call Ava.
Barbara:
Alright, alright.
Alright, the clock is ticking.
They have 29 minutes
of oxygen left.
- Uh, um
- We should get them.
We love how passionate
you all are about your school,
which is why we thought
it would be a good idea
to have this forum, which
just so happens to coincide
with you wanting to walk
out of the school.
Rick:
We are here to listen.
For 30 seconds at a time.
Well, thank you
for hearing us out.
Um, if anyone would like to
speak, just stand up, I guess.
Well said.
Next speaker.
[VOICE BREAKING] Ava and these
teachers are my closest friends.
Oh, not this again.
I love them,
and they challenge me
to be better every day.
Really? Morton is the ace
up your sleeve?
Knew I should've
went to the club.
Look, the kids did it, okay?
We had a slightly
more complicated plan,
but I think this one is better.
It's just like I tell my wife.
Sorry, my ex-ex-wife.
- JANINE: Oh, my God.
- I say, look
Okay, I think we got it, Morton.
Thanks.
Our teachers do everything.
What do y'all do?
[STUDENTS SHOUTING]
Aren't y'all the ones that took
our archery equipment?
How am I supposed to become
the next Hawkeye?
Okay, please, please,
one at a time.
I was having a hard time,
but these teachers
and Principal Coleman
stepped up when I thought
no one else cared.
Without them,
I don't know where I would be.
RJ speaking at a rally?
- We have come so far.
- Yeah.
So moving, right?
Well, the good news, kiddos,
is that your teachers will be
back in five business days,
and we are working very hard
to find you a new principal.
Excuse me.
Have you decided
how much that new principal
will be making?
Do you have any idea
how much property damage
can be accomplished
in five business days?
Really?
Really?
Nothing that you have heard
from these students
or the faculty matter to you?
No.
So if everyone
is done feeling heard
[MURMURING]
- Good.
- Great, okay.
Ava:
Janine, we lost.
It happens.
To you all the time.
No, no, no, no, no.
Maybe if we, um
I think we
we can probably
Janine, it's over.
[Door opens]
TARIQ: On your left.
[MURMURING]
My bad. I meant my left.
Uh, y'all's right.
As the PTA, we will not stand by
while y'all are hurting
our children's education
with this nonsense.
You can say that again.
As the B.L.A.C.K.S.,
we've seen firsthand
how Miss Coleman has transformed
this rundown elementary school
into an unpredictable
music venue.
And I speak
for the local businesses
when I say that we have seen
the positive changes
that this school
and its leadership
has contributed
to this community.
They supported us
during the SEPTA strike,
so we are here to support them!
[CHEERING]
Perhaps this whole issue can
be put to bed by a white savior.
Well, uh, as someone who
has bribed thousands of people
across this fair city,
this was the only place
that those bribes
benefited children
and not corrupt officials.
- He's not wrong.
- Okay.
Oh, my gosh, guys, the community
is coming together,
and we didn't even
have to trick them.
Good afternoon.
How many damn doors
do we have in this gym?
Wasn't Crystal the one that
ratted us out to the district?
Yup. She must be here
to finish the job.
Mm, just when we almost
had the board on our side.
Soror.
- Boar-ord.
- Oh, no.
Although I've had
my differences in the past
- with Principal Coleman
- AVA: You don't say.
You're my number-one hater,
and I have a lot.
[SIGHS] Myself and these
other principals know
that no one fights harder
for their school than Ava
and these educators.
Any school in this district
would be lucky
to have these teachers
and a principal like Ava.
And if you think differently,
then you don't know what's
best for your own district.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Bring them back!
ALL: Bring them back!
Bring them back!
Stop the chant!
So, after hearing the
community's thoughtful thoughts,
we have decided
we have no choice
but to go forward
with our original plan,
which was to reinstate Ava
and her band of teachers.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
And slide
Ooh, they tried it,
but my record, like my spirit,
remains unsullied.
Uh-huh. Now, when are all these
people gonna go home?
I don't know, but I have
an ice cream truck to return
and a bunch of baklava to eat.
I wanted to thank you guys
for seeing this through.
It really means a lot to me.
You're welcome.
It was worth it.
Agreed. You, ma'am,
are worth the sacrifice.
Mm-hmm.
I really am, aren't I?
Like, if it wasn't for
how good and wonderful
and impactful I am,
you'd have nothing to fight for.
So I guess I got to
thank myself, too.
- Yeah.
- There it is.
Don't you think we ought to nip
this line dancing in the bud?
Yeah, Jacob, get over there
and start dancing.
That'll let the air
out of their tires.
Uh, looks like Miles
already has that covered.
BARBARA: Can't
unsee it. I can't unsee it.
- Goodness.
- Good night.
Oh, also, my internal clock
has gotten used to
sleeping in till 10:00,
so I'll be late
until I can reset that.
Ooh, it is good
to have you back, friend.
What's that?
I mean Principal Coleman.
Ava, congratulations.
I'm glad to see
this all worked out.
Well, you sure have
a lot of time
to keep popping up
at this school.
I'm just happy
to see you got a second chance.
Yeah, but see,
I got a second chance
because I was actually good
at my first chance.
Fair enough.
I hope you know that
I'm proud of you.
Even if I wasn't always there.
Thank you.
I'm around if you need anything.
What, for, like, a haircut?
- Can you do a bob?
- No.
[CHUCKLES]
I just mean
anything.
[CHUCKLES] The power's
addicting, isn't it?
I was just keeping it warm
for you.
Ew.
Now, what is that?
Uh, lumbar support
for your lower back.
You can keep it if you want.
Get a core.
Do a sit-up.
I don't need that.
I did want to say,
thanks for holding down
the place while I was gone.
I heard you did a great job.
Thank you.
I enjoyed it.
I can tell. You practically
moved into the place.
Well, I'll, um, leave you to it.
Well, Dia,
looks like this is it.
You got fired, too?
N-No.
I-I'm just
Then what do you want
a tearful goodbye for?
Y'all deserve each other.
See you next week.
- Very good.
- I'm here.
Why?
Well, Greg said
that y'all needed some teachers,
so here I am.
Yeah, but that was only for
if we were suspended,
which we were not.
But you were there.
Ohh.
Yeah, so I was actually
kind of looking forward
to having some time off.
And secretly, I would have
loved sitting at home
catching up
on the Kate Hudson show.
Oh, I just love it when they
come dancing down the hallway.
Jennifer.
So we figured, you know,
since Tariq's here, hey
Alright, y'all,
my name is Tariq,
but you can call me
Mr. Coach Temple.
I'm gonna be real up front
with y'all.
I don't remember nothing
that I learned
before the age of 12, okay?
So I need somebody here
to tell me
how to craft a text message
to my landlord
asking for a rent reduction.
Real quick with the hands.
Come on.
Don't hurt yourself.
Where they at?