Ally Mcbeal s04e21 Episode Script

Previously on Ally McBeal: Why is it great with men until they run? I ended it two months ago.
It was painful for her.
Since then, the songs she's been singing they're directed at me.
I'm so tired of being alone So tired of on my own Won't you help me, please Just as soon as you can The congregation doesn't know.
- He does.
- Well, he should.
- What's the problem? - This is a church.
I'm afraid to fire her.
It may seem retaliatory.
And yet, I can't let her keep singing those songs.
May I help you? You could direct me to Richard Fish.
Yes.
Oh.
- Sydney, hello.
Richard Fish.
- Hello.
Nice.
Uh Shall we go to my - Office.
- Yes.
That's Yeah.
Yeah.
- Who's that? - I don't know.
I don't know who she is, but I don't like her.
All right.
Let's sit over there.
Oh, fine.
So.
As you know, I run an ad agency.
And you're being sued, which is - Please, don't get ahead of me.
- Oh, no.
No.
I chose your firm for its experience in sexual harassment litigation.
You make it sound sexual.
Shall I say it again? Sexual sexual sexual harassment litigation.
Did you like that, Richie? Yes.
- Do you like when I call you Richie? - Yes.
- Your mother called you Richie, I bet.
- She did.
Do you like it when women talk "mommy talk" to you? - Do you like when I do it? - Yes.
You're aroused, and I'm only talking.
Try to hold out, just until I'm done speaking.
Okay, that's fine.
That's fine.
- Okay.
- All right.
Rich? Now, I hire men to work at my agency, right? Only men.
The infrastructure's like a beehive.
It's labor-intensive.
It's intricate, it's autocratic, and I'm, well I'm the queen.
Rich? - Richie? - Yeah? All right.
Have you ever sucked on a woman's toe before, Richie? No.
Can you imagine the glory of that toe? Moments ago we didn't know each other, and now you must have my foot.
Look, I'm a lawyer.
Did you come to hire my firm? Yes, I'm gonna explain my case but can you stop thinking about my toe? - No.
- You must, Richie.
Can I just have it for one minute? - Do you promise to stop after that? - I promise.
Go to my foot, Richie.
I've been down this road Queen Bee Walking the line That's painted by pride And I have made mistakes in my life That I just can't hide Oh, I believe I am ready For what love has to bring I got myself together Yeah, now I'm ready to sing I've been searching my soul tonight I know there's so much more to life Now I know I can shine a light To find my way back home Oh, baby, yeah Oh, yeah First up: Lisa Knolls and Mark Newman are having problems again.
- Who was that woman last night? - What woman? You know what woman.
Oh, Sydney Gale's being sued for wrongful termination.
John, I could use your help here.
- We can't represent her.
- Why not? I don't know why not yet.
I just know there's a reason.
- Ally? Could you handle Mark's - No, I'm friends with Lisa Knolls.
Nelle, Jackson, you take it.
Newman is your client.
Why aren't you doing it? Who is Sydney Gale? - Reverend Newman's here.
- Nelle, Jackson.
John? My office.
Now.
You sucked her toe? I'm not into that.
- I just had to go to it.
- Within five minutes? There's something about her.
She's got a sexual power.
Her melodic tone sucks you in.
You ever been sucked in by a woman? Not onto her toe.
That's why I need a second chair.
I can handle this alone, but I just feel a little stripped of my What's the word? - Faculties? - Yeah.
You went down on her foot.
It's worse than wattle.
She's got some power.
Richard, you're a senior partner.
When will you break out of this slump? Richie? Hi.
- Am I late? Oh, no.
You're right on time.
Sydney, this is John Cage.
Oh, John.
Hello.
Hello.
How are you? How are you? I'm fine.
Oh.
Richie told you about my toe.
Didn't he, John? Would you like to see it? The problem is, I have a new girlfriend, and Lisa doesn't like it.
- She's causing problems? - It's hurting the congregation.
What's she doing? My new girlfriend's also in the choir.
And Lisa sings at her sometimes.
What do you mean? Instead of directing these hostile songs at me her target now is Buttons.
- Buttons? - That's my new girlfriend.
Her name is Buttons? When Lisa sings these hostile songs If Buttons thinks she's a target, and she always is she starts singing back at Lisa.
All hell breaks loose.
What exactly is the legal issue? Lisa wants me to fire Buttons for soloing.
Buttons wants Lisa fired because she's hostile.
I'd like to fire Lisa but I dated her, and I'm afraid of being sued.
Well, cause is cause.
How hostile are these songs? - Come see at our service tonight.
- Well, I If nothing else, it'll be a good show.
Hm.
I worked my way up to account executive.
- You worked closely with Ms.
Gale? - We all did.
Describe the relationship you and the other men at the firm had with her.
It was a strict monarchy.
She was our boss.
We also, well, crave her.
"Crave" her? I don't know how she does it.
But we lust after her.
Most of us have had sexual contact.
- How many work there? - Over 100.
And they all lust after her? For whatever reason.
Bringing her pleasure any kind of pleasure, it's very gratifying.
But you wanted to stop? I had to.
It's unhealthy.
I'm getting married.
And when you told her? She fired me.
She said I knew the rules and if I couldn't play by them, I was fired.
- Were you required to have sex? - No.
It wasn't just sexual contact.
You requested there be no contact of any kind whatsoever.
Correct? - Correct.
- No contact with your own boss? Because to have contact with her is to obsess over her.
You can't even talk to this woman without obsessing over her? She exerts this power.
She talks to us in a way that all we want to do is please her.
Then why not just leave? - You didn't want to leave her.
- I need my job.
There are other jobs.
You don't want to leave her, do you? No.
Did you have intercourse? - No.
- You never had intercourse with her? - No.
What kind of contact are we talking about? I would lick her forearm.
You would lick her forearm? Yes.
Would she ask you to do this? - No.
- You would ask her, right? - Yes.
- You would beg to lick her arm.
Yes.
We need to rise up against violence in schools.
Violence! - Join hands.
- Join hands! You can't beat down hate with bigger hate! - You can only conquer with love! - Love! - Love! - Love! - Again! - Love! - One more time! - Love! - Rise up now! - Rise up! Join hands in love! I'd rather see you dead, little girl Than see you with my man Better keep your head, little girl Or you won't know where I am Better run for your life if you can Hide your head in the sand Catch you messing with my man That's the end, little girl Man, he wasn't kidding.
That must be Buttons.
I can't spend my whole life trying Just to make you toe the line Better run for your life if you can Hide your head in the sand Catch you messing with my man, That's the end, little girl Well let this be a sermon I mean everything I said Baby, I'm determined And I'd rather see you dead - Better run for your life if you can - Hide your head in the sand - Catch you messing with my man - That's the end You better run, girl You better run - You better hide - You better hide - That's my man - Let this be a lesson, girl Get over it That's my man - You can have him - Not giving him up Don't tell me what to do You better run, little girl - You better run - Get a life - Go get a life - I got a life - Get a life - You better run That's my man That's definitely my man - No, no, no, no - No, no, no Oh, yes! Where's the queen? Right there.
That big one.
- Are they fornicating? - No.
They're working for her.
- How do they do anything? - They do a lot.
That's the thing, bees work as a group to perform complex tasks.
- What about the queen? - She just gets her toes sucked.
Come on.
We gotta get to court.
That wasn't cause? The problem was, the congregation seemed to love it.
I can't have a choir singing, "I'd rather see you dead.
" - Get them in a room - You saw them in a room.
- Reverend, my specialty is smooth.
- Oh, please.
Sorry.
Lisa is a very volatile person.
And Buttons We get them together, make them see reason, and smooth it out.
- I don't think you understand.
- Reverend, this is what I do.
- A beehive? Right.
- That's the structure of your company? - Yes, Richie.
Bees are mobile entities that service the queen.
It's the most collaborative of our ecosystem.
All working for one.
I happen to be that one.
- And it works? - Extremely well.
Now, is sex part of its success? Well, it motivates.
The drone bee has to want it.
He has to want it.
Yes.
It motivates.
To get the best results from people it's helpful if they want to copulate copulate copulate.
It's in part why I hired you.
I apologize.
When did you discover you had this power with men? I first realized it in high school.
- I found I gave off a pheromone that - A pheromone? Yes.
It's a chemical odor that stimulates men sexually.
- It's what the queen bee does.
- The queen bee emits a pheromone.
And some women naturally have it as well.
I'm one of them.
So you began to use this to your advantage? It motivates the drone knowing he may be able to offer his spermatozoa to the queen.
- Do you mate with all your employees? No.
- Many? - Perhaps.
And you see no problem? The first thing I say to every prospective employee is: "Don't even consider working here unless you're prepared to desire me.
" Because he will.
You expect every male employee to have sex with you? No, Your Honor.
I expect them to want to.
- Hello.
- Hi.
I need to use the little boys' room.
Oh, it's over there.
- Hello.
Hi.
- Sydney Gale.
- Larry Paul.
Larry.
How are you? Well, my arm hurts.
What happens next? We put on our last witness.
If they have no rebuttals, we go to closings.
Are we winning? I have no idea.
- I'm drawn to her.
- Take a number.
But it isn't like me.
I'm not one for physical frolic.
If she doesn't speak to me emotionally, I have no interest.
I don't connect with her at any level.
Yet all I want to do is I want to dive into her and just I mean, I just want - Sex.
- Sex, sex, sex.
I want to do things to her.
Even if she doesn't do them to me.
I want to ravage her.
Yes, ravage.
It's disturbing that I'm capable of such urge, but I am.
I'm overcome with urge.
I'm utterly upended.
- I just want her toe.
- Don't let me succumb.
It'd be unprofessional, and I'd be diminished.
She leaves men weak.
I won't be rendered that way.
- I didn't feel diminished.
- You nursed her toe.
You can't be proud.
Just don't let me succumb, I beg you.
I'm the music supervisor, and I can choose the songs I sing.
When you two first broke up, you began with the hateful songs.
Then it got better.
And now that he's dating again Can I stop you there? That's a violation right there.
His dating again.
I'm sorry? To openly carry on a love affair right in front of the nose of an employee he was involved with? - That's sexual harassment.
- What? - How so? - It's a sexually-charged thing.
Contributing to a hostile environment.
- The law - I'm not finished.
I'll tell you what it is.
The Sexual Harassment Law is an expanding thing.
It changes every day.
I'm sure you champion expansion whenever you get What's that? You're making a fat joke now? - I am not making - Let's hold on here.
- There's a lot of emotion - Shut up, pretty boy.
Nobody likes a pretty boy.
No one is attempting to be pretty.
What's that, an ugly joke? Is he calling you ugly? - He meant her.
- Funny, you tank.
Okay, that is enough.
- Ain't you pretty.
- Are you a lawyer? What's that, a dumb joke? Fat, dumb, and ugly now.
- Seriously, are you a lawyer? - No, I'm her emotional representative.
Her "emotional representative"? You can't stop her from singing, pretty boy.
And if he fires her after having a sexual relationship, she can sue.
She's got quid, she's got pro, and she's got quo.
And she'll be suing his holy ass.
- Mrs - What's this interrupting? Hey, hey, hey! Let's all just calm down.
Don't try to smooth talk us, Mr.
Pretty Boy.
The deal is simple.
He dumps Buttons, or she'll sing whatever she wants.
Why? Because there's nothing you can do about it.
Let's go, Lisa.
Well, seems the smooth approach fell short.
Hello.
We'd like to interview some of your satisfied employees, and call one as a witness.
Okay.
Why? Are you worried? Not terribly.
It's just this case is very hard to call.
Well, the jury could think of you as predatorial.
They could think the plaintiff consented.
It's tough for me to tell.
John? Are you feeling like you can't be as objective as you'd like? - Well, I - Are you just a little bit jealous of Richard? Well, because he got to suck on something? I'm not into unconventional antics.
I already knew that.
With you With you it's the simple kiss that's the greatest turn-on, right? Not the hungry ones.
No.
But the gentle kiss.
You know, when the lips just slowly softly caress each other.
Right? - I'm not a drone.
- I realize that.
But I also sense that you're just a little distracted by well, the wonder of what it might be like.
To caress my lips.
John? If we could remove the mystery do you think that we might extinguish the distraction? Thanks for coming in.
Is this legal, talking to me alone without counsel? Mrs.
Parks isn't a lawyer.
She's a bus driver.
She's still my representative.
I needn't tell you.
You can't do this.
There are many women out there.
He doesn't have to date a choir member.
- No, he doesn't.
But, Lisa - It's humiliating.
I know it hurts.
But the humiliation here is in what you're doing.
How can you put your misery on stage like that in front of the whole church? - It helps me deal.
He's doing it in front of the whole church.
Once again, I know his affair is hurtful.
But you're the one turning it into a spectacle.
- No.
Buttons is.
If she'd just stay in the chorus You sang, "Run for your life, or you'll end up dead.
" I have to sing my pain a little.
Otherwise, I I just can't sit passive, Miss Porter.
I can't deal that way.
How about this? You sing your pain but you tone it down a bit, so you don't provoke.
- Is this necessary? - I believe so.
Most of her employees are happy.
We need to hear that faction.
- What time are we due back in court? - 11:30, so let's not waste time.
Right this way.
- This? They get work done? - Oh, they get incredible work done.
And watch this.
- Wait, she still gets to sing? - Well - Mean songs? - Ugly songs? Believe it or not, she might make her case.
- What? - To date an employee break up and then to openly date another employee? All she has to show is a hostile work environment.
- Women have won with far less.
- My dating other women is harassment? It's not clear.
The law's expanding.
Eventually, someone'll win using this argument.
- You must be kidding.
- That's why many companies ban dating.
- Quagmire.
- I beg your pardon? - It's a legal quagmire.
- Yes.
She agreed to tone her songs down.
And if you don't jump in, Buttons you two can co-exist, which is the best result.
- When you say she'd tone it down? - She gets to sing her pain sometimes.
She won't sing her anger.
There'll be nothing directed at you.
Do you think you can contain yourself? She doesn't sing at me, I won't sing at her.
Excellent.
It could work then.
It works because we're not trying to get ahead at each other's expense.
Most companies, individual promotion is at a cost to a coworker.
- One person advances, another's left.
- That doesn't happen at Gale? We perform different tasks, some in concert, some individually.
The goal's the same.
- And that is? - To please Sydney.
Mr.
Jacobs doesn't feel that's healthy.
Let him work elsewhere.
I think it's healthy.
Why? - To service some corporate entity? That seems rather empty to me.
But to service Sydney When you say "service" I mean, when I imagine Sydney's approval to see what I've done has pleased her.
Okay, let's turn to the six-shooter.
Sex.
Sex.
I've had sex with her once.
It came after a successful campaign.
She told me what a wonderful job I'd done.
And she asked if I'd like to offer her my spermatozoa.
Our brothers and sisters today don't conform themselves to goodness.
- Not according to the Almighty.
- How we doing? Well, so far, so good.
But she hasn't sung yet.
They look to see what the law says.
They conform their behavior to legal boundaries.
They even extort the law, if need be, to get what they want.
Easy, reverend, easy.
Brothers and sisters, the only law to abide by is his law.
His law calls for brotherhood.
His law calls for forgiveness.
His law calls for a celebration of love, anybody's love.
His law doesn't rule from anger, does it? His law isn't vengeful, is it? His law isn't vindictive, is it? The time has come to celebrate his law as one.
As brothers and sisters.
As family.
His law.
Amen.
Amen, reverend.
Ain't nothing I can say Nothing I can do Here we go again.
No, this is about her pain, that's all.
I feel so blue I've got to make it right For everyone concerned - This is perfectly fine.
- Maybe.
If it means it's me What's getting burned I could never make you unhappy No, I couldn't do that, boy Wish I didn't love you so Wish I didn't Makes it so very hard to go I knew the time would come I'd have to pay for my mistakes I can't blame you For what you're doing to me, boy Even though my heart aches I could never make you unhappy No, I couldn't do that, boy I wish I I wish I I could never make you unhappy I could never I could never make you unhappy I could never - I must have her.
- Have her.
Get it out of the way.
Why must we be controlled by lust? - Doesn't it bother you? - Torture.
When she said I pleased her, it excited me.
I am a drone.
- Do all men become drones? - Yes.
Husbands.
Just do not let me alone with that woman.
Why? Because I'm just aching to find out what would happen.
We gotta get to court.
Hi.
You talked to her ex party.
You can't talk to a person ex party.
The word is "parte.
" It's Latin.
Party's something done with a balloon.
- That's a fat-dumb joke combined.
- I came here to talk to Lisa.
I know you did.
Ex party.
What do you want? Are you okay? Look, I was very moved by your song.
Everybody was.
- But maybe you need some counseling.
- I'm fine.
Okay.
Even if you are, that was a little too much pain to I'm not sure the congregation thoroughly enjoyed that one.
You talking as a shrink or an ex party critic? I'm talking like somebody who cares.
If you want some free legal advice it's okay to have a broken heart.
It's okay to sing about it.
To cry about it.
But you really can't do it in the workplace.
- Not like that.
- Why? Because in the workplace, we have rules.
A boss who puts out signals of want, of sex, even lust That's simply against the law when it becomes oppressive in the workplace.
Where's the law to protect me in my workplace? He's dating someone in my own choir.
Maybe the day will come when that, too, will be illegal.
- Do you really want that protection? - Why shouldn't I? Because the underlying assumption is that you're weak.
And that you need the protection.
Well, the weak do need protection.
It's a basic axiom.
The law is designed to safeguard society's most fragile members.
Ms.
Gale? She recruits the fragile.
Sexual harassment law is premised on an imbalance of power.
She can't be exempt from the law because she orchestrates the imbalance.
She never required anybody to have sex.
Yes, she hires men she knows will respond to her sexually.
Yes, she indicates she may, on occasion, respond to me sexually Them.
Respond to them sexually.
And yes, her office is very much sexually charged.
Now the question here is: Are all sexually charged work environments, per se, illegal? Even when employees knowingly enter into that arena, with full disclosure? If Sydney Gale were a male boss, cultivating a little harem we'd quickly declare the workplace to be oppressive, therefore, illegal.
Why a different rule for women? She psychologically profiles them to make sure they're dependent.
She sexually preys on them every day.
Finally, when one employee decides he doesn't want to have contact with her, she fires him.
The question here: Is Sydney Gale, per se, illegal? Because she trades on her sexuality and cultivates an environment where men crave her.
Does a person in the U.
S.
Have the right to build such a company? Now, that is the real question before this court.
To answer that question, I'll ask another one: Do we live in a free country or not? And what I'm trying to tell you, you're not free.
It's my church.
I can't set policy in It's a workplace.
When it comes to man-woman conduct in the workplace the government makes the rules.
The United States of America is telling me I can't date Buttons? The United States of America is telling you to be careful.
If dating her can be shown to create a hostile environment for an ex - Quagmire.
- Yes, Buttons.
It's a big quagmire.
And you're about to fall in it.
You saw her pain, Mark.
You and Buttons may have a good thing but keep it discreet around the church.
You get better and better.
I'd sure like to be in the room when you crest.
- Can you ever drop the seduction thing? - I don't know.
It's been so long since I've tried.
- It doesn't get old? - Oh, no.
Power never gets old.
Well, we all have our addictions, right? So, it's all about power and control, is that it? Not always.
Sometimes, I meet a man that I obsess over a little bit myself.
Let me tell you something, you might not be able to handle me.
I'm a machine when I get going.
Don't be misled by my stature.
- I can be ravenous.
- I've never doubted it.
In fact, if you want to tear off my clothes right now I'm sure that jury will be just a few more minutes.
You want to tear off my clothes, don't you? You have no idea.
But I'm not going to, Sydney.
Because resisting my lust, that's where I locate my power.
Jury's back.
- Just in time.
- Indeed.
Hi.
- You promised not to leave me alone.
- Well, I had to pee.
Have you reached a verdict? - Yes, Your Honor.
- What say you? In the matter of Jacobs versus Gale, we find in favor of Sydney.
Members of the jury, thank you.
We're adjourned.
Well, we won.
- Thanks.
- Let's celebrate.
A little wine.
A little dance.
A little toe.
- John, shall we celebrate? - Let's just go to the bar.
Thank you.
Well I think it's time to get ready To realize just what I have found I have been only half of what I am It's all clear to me now My heart is on fire My soul's like a wheel that's turning My love is alive - Why are you looking at her like that? - Sorry.
Hey.
- What? - Don't look at that woman.
Ever.
So, is Lisa gonna stop singing? Says she'll try.
If not, we could go back to your smooth approach.
That's amusing.
You're a better man than me, resisting her like that.
Well, it wasn't easy.
Does power make her sexy, or sexy make her powerful? I don't get it.
We're not meant to.
But what if even more women figure out this queen bee thing? - Then we're all in trouble.
- Well, indeed.
My love is alive, ooh yeah You Stinker!